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LIBRARY 

THE  UNIVERSITY 
OF  CALIFORNIA 

SANTA  BARBARA 

PRESENTED  BY 

MISS   ROSARIO   CURLETTI 


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*       . 


HUDIBRAS. 


SAMUEL    BUTLER 


NOTES  AND  A  LITERARY  MEMOIR 


EEV.  TREADWAY  RUSSEL  NASH,  D.  D. 


ILLUSTRATED  WITH  PORTRAITS,  AND  CONTAINING 
A  NEW  AND  COMPLETE  INDEX. 


"  Non  deeruiit  fortasse  titilitis^atores,  qui  caluninientur,  partim  leviores  «sJ« 
uugas,  quam  ut  theolo|rum  deceant,  partim  mordaciores,  quam  ut  Christians 
conveoiaut  modestiai."  Erasm.  MoricE.  Encom.  PrcE/aU 


NEW- YORK: 

D.   APPLETON   &  COMPANY, 

443  &  445  BKOADWAT. 

1865. 


UMVEF.SITY  OF  CAUFORP 
SANTA  BARBARA 


ADVERTISEMENT  * 


Little  or  no  apology  need  be  offered  to  the  Public 
for  presenting  it  with  a  new  edftion  of  Hudibras;  the 
poem  ranks  too  high  in  English  literature  not  to  be  wel- 
comed if  it  appear  in  a  correct  text,  legible  type,  and  on 
good  paper :  ever  since  its  first  appearance  it  has  been 
as  a  mirror  in  which  an  Englishman  might  have  seen 
his  face  without  becoming.  Narcissus-like,  enamored  of 
it  ;  such  an  honest  looking-glass  must  ever  be  valuable, 
if  there  be  worth  in  the  aphorism  of  nosce  teipsum. 
May  it  not  in  the  present  times  be  as  useful  as  in  any 
that  are  past  ?  Perhaps  even  in  this  enlightened  age  a 
little  self-examination  may  be  wholesome  ;  a  man  will 
take  a  glance  of  recognition  of  himself  if  there  be  a 
glass  in  the  room,  and  it  may  happen  that  some  indica- 
tion of  the  nascent  symptoms  of  the  wrinkles  of  treason, 
of  the  crows-feet  of  fanaticism,  of  the  drawn-down 
mouth  of  hypocrisy,  or  of  the  superfluous  hairs  of  self- 
conceit,  may  startle  the  till  then  unconscious  possessor 
of  such  germs  of  vice,  and  afford  to  his  honester  quali- 
ties an  opportunity  of  stifling  them  ere  they  start  forth 
in  their  native  hideousness,  and  so,  perchance,  help  to 
avert  the  repetition  of  the  evil  times  the  poet  satirizes, 
which,  in  whatever  point  they  are  viewed,  stand  a  Wot 
in  the  annals  of  Britain. 

The  edition  in  three  quarto  volumes  of  Hudibras,  ed- 
ited by  Dr.  Nasht  in  1793,  has  become  a  book  of  high 

*  Prefixed  to  the  Edition  in  2  vols.  8vo.  1833.  k 
t  "  January  26,  1811. — At  his  seat  at  Bevere,  near  Worcester, 
"  in  his  8i3th  year,  Treadway  Kussel  Nash,  D.  D.,  P.  S.  A.,  Rec 
"  tor  of  Leigh.  He  was  of  Worcester  College  in  Oxford  ;  M.  A 
"  1746  ;  B.  and  D.  D-  IT.'JB.  He  was  the  venerable  Father  of  the 
"  Magistracy  of  the  County  of  Worcester  ;  of  which  he  was  an 
"  upright  and  judicious  member  nearly  fifty  years ;  and  a  gentle- 
"  man  of  profound  erudition  and  critical  knowledge  in  the  seve- 

'  ral  branches  of  literature  :  particularly  the  History  of  his  na- 
"  live  county,  which  he  illustrated  with  indefatigable  labor  and 
"  expense  to  himself.    In  exemplary  prudenee,  moderation,  atfa- 

'  bility,  and  unostentatious  manner  of  living,  he  has  left  no  sn 


0  ADVERTISEMENT. 

price  and  uncommon  occurrence.  It  may  justly  bfl 
called  a  scholar's  edition,  although  the  Editor  thus  mod- 
estly speaks  of  his  annotations :  "  The  principal,  if  not 
"  the  sole  view,  of  the  annotations  now  offered  to  the 
*'  public,  hath  been  to  remove  these  difficulties,  (fluctua- 
"  tions  of  language,  disuse  of  customs,  &i,c.,)  and  point 
"  out  some  of  the  passages  in  the  Greek  and  Roman 
"  authors  to  which  the  poet  alludes,  in  order  to  render 
"  Hudibras  more  mtelligible  to  persons  of  the  commenta- 
"  tor's  level,  men  of  middling  capacity,  and  limited  in- 
"  formation.  To  such,  if  his  remarks  shall  be  founG 
"  useful  and  acceptable,  he  will  be  content,  though  they 
"  should  appear  trifling  iu  the  estimation  of  the  more 
"  learned." 

Dr.  Nash  added  plates*  from  designs  by  Hogarth  and 
La  Guerre  to  his  edition,  but  it  may  be  thought  without 
increasing  its  intrinsic  value.  The  Pencil  has  never 
successfully  illustrated  Hudibras  ;  perhaps  the  wit,  the 
humor,  and  the  satire  of  Butler  have  naturally,  fro:n 


"  perior ;  of  the  truth  of  which  remark  the  writer  of  tliis  article 
"  could  produce  abundant  proof  from  a  personal  intercourse  of 
"  long  continuance ;  and  which  he  sincerely  laments  has  now 
"  an  end. — K." — Ocntlemaii's  Magazine. 

*  Dr.  Nash  thus  mentions  them:  "The  engravings  in  this 
"  edition  are  chiefly  taken  from  Hogarth's  designs,  an  artist 
"  whose  genius,  in  some  respects,  was  congenial  to  that  of  our 
"  poet,  though  here  he  cannot  plead  the  merit  of  originality,  so 
"  much  as  in  some  other  of  his  works,  having  borrowed  a  great 
"deal  from  the  small  prints  in  the  duodecimo  edition  of  niO.f 

"  Some  plates  are  added  from  original  designs,  and  some  from 
"  drawings  by  La  Guerre,  now  in  my  possession,  and  one  print 
"  representing  Oliver  Cromwell's  guard-room,  from  an  e.xcellenl 
"  picture  by  Dobson,  very  obligingly  communicated  by  my  wor- 
"  thy  friend,  Robert  Bromley,  Esq.,  of  Abberley-lodge,  in  Wor- 
"  cestershire  ;  the  picture  being  seven  feet  long,  and  four  high, 
"  it  is  difficult  to  give  the  likenesses  upon  so  reduced  a  scale, 
"  but  the  artists  have  done  themselves  credit  by  preserving  the 
"characters  of  each  figure,  and  the  features  of  each  face  more 
"  exactly  than  could  be  expected  :  the  picture  belonged  to  Mr. 
"  Walsh,  the  poet,  and  has  always  been  called  Oliver  Crom- 
"  well's  guard-room  :  the  figures  are  certainly  portraits;  but  I 
"  leave  it  to  the  critics  in  that  line  to  find  out  the  originals. 

''  When  I  first  undertook  this  work,  it  was  designed  that  the 
"  whole  should  be  comprised  in  two  volumes  :  the  first  compre- 
"  hending  the  pnem,  the  second  the  notes,  but  the  thickness  of 
'  (he  paper,  and  size  of  the  type,  obliged  the  binder  to  divide 
"  eacli  volume  into  two  tomes  ;  this  has  undesignedly  increased 
"the  number  of  tomes,  and  the  price  of  the  work."  [In  this 
edition  the  notes  are  placed  under  the  text.] 

t  "Hogarth  was  born  in  1698,  nnd  the  pdiiioii  of  Hudibras,  with  hia  cut* 
published  1726." 


ADVERTISEMFNT.  7 

their  general  application,  not  sufficient  of  a  local  habita- 
tion and  a  name  to  be  embodied  by  the  painter's  art. 

To  some  few  of  the  notes  explanatory  of  phrases  and 
words,  the  printer  has  ventured  to  make  trifling  additions, 
which  he  has  placed  within  brackets  that  they  may  not 
be  supposed  to  be  Dr.  Nash's,  though  had  the  excellent 
dictionary  of  the  truly  venerable  Archdeacon  Todd,  and 
the  Glossary  of  the  late  Archdeacon  Nares,  from  which 
they  are  principally  taken,  been  in  existence  in  1793, 
there  can  be  little  doubt  but  Dr  Nash  would  have 
availed  himself  of  them. 

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SAMUEL   BUTLER,    ESQ, 


AUTHOR    OF    HUDIBRAS. 


The  life  of  a  retired  scholar  can  furnish  but  little 
matter  to  the  biographer:  such  was  the  character  of 
Mr.  Samuel  Butler,  author  of  Hudibras.  His  father, 
whose  name  likewise  was  Samuel,  had  an  estate  of  his 
own  of  about  ten  pounds  yearly,  which  still  goes  by  the 
name  of  Butler's  tenement :  he  held,  likewise,  an  estate 
of  three  hundred  pounds  a  year,  under  Sir  William 
Russel,  lord  of  the  manor  of  Strensham,  in  Worcester- 
shire.* He  was  not  an  ignorant  farmer,  but  wrote  a 
very  clerk-like  hand,  kept  the  register,  and  managed 
all  the  business  of  the  parish  under  the  direction  of  his 
landlord,  near  whose  house  he  lived,  and  from  whom, 
very  probably,  he  and  his  family  received  instruction 
and  assistance.  From  his  landlord  they  imbibed  their 
principles  of  loyalty,  uS  Sir  William  was  a  most  zealous 
royalist,  and  spent  great  part  of  his  fortune  in  the  cause, 
being  the  only  person  exempted  from  the  benefit  of  the 
treaty,  when  Worcester  surrendered  to  the  parliament 
in  the  year  1646.  Our  poet's  father  was  churchwarden 
of  the  parish  the  year  before  his  son  Samuel  was  born, 
and  has  entered  his  baptism,  dated  February  8,  1612, 
with  his  own  hand,  in  the  parish  register.  He  had  four 
sons  and  three  daughters,  born  at  Strensham  ;  the  three 
daughters,  and  one  son  older  than  our  poet,  and  two 


*  This  information  came  from  Mr.  Gresley,  rector  of  Strens- 
ham, from  the  year  1706  to  the  year  1773,  when  he  died,  aged 
100 :  so  that  he  was  bom  seven  years  before  the  poet  died 


10  ON    SAMUEL    BUTLER,   ESQ., 

sons  younger :  none  of  his  descendants  remain  in  th« 
parish,  though  some  of  them  are  said  to  be  in  the  neigh- 
boring villages. 

Our  author  received  his  first  rudiments  of  learning  a* 
home ;  he  was  afterwards  sent  to  the  college  school  at 
Worcester,  then  taught  by  Mr.  Henry  Bright,*  pre- 
bendary of  that  cathedral,  a  celebrated  scholar,  and 
many  years  the  famous  master  of  the  King's  school 
there ;  one  who  made  his  business  his  delight ;  and, 
though  in  veiy  easy  circumstances,  continued  to  teach 
for  the  sake  of  doing  good,  by  benefiting  the  families  of 
the  neighboring  gentlemen,  who  thought  themselves 
happy  in  having  their  sons  instructed  by  him. 

How  long  Mr.  Butler  continued  under  his  care  is  not 
known,  but,  probably,  till  he  was  fourteen  years  old 


*  Mr.  Bright  is  buried  in  the  cathedral  church  of  Worcester, 
near  the  north  pillar,  at  the  foot  of  the  steps  which  lead  to  the 
choir.  He  was  born  1502,  appointed  schoolmaster  1586,  made 
prebendary  1619,  died  1G26.  The  inscription  in  capitals,  on  a 
mural  stone,  now  placed  in  what  is  called  tlie  Bisliop's  Chapel 
is  as  follows : 

Slane  hospes  et  lepe, 

Magister  HENRICUS  BRIGHT, 

Celeberriinus  gymnasiarcha. 

Qui  scholoB  refiiiB  istic  fundatse  per  totos  40  annos 

suinma  cum  laude  prajfuit, 

Guo  non  alter  inagis  sedulus  'uit,  scitusve,  ac  dexter, 

in  Latinis  Gra-cis  Hebraicis  litteris, 

feliciter  edocendis : 

Teste  utraqne  academia  quarn  iiistruxit  affatim 

numerosa  plebe  literaria: 

Bed  et  totidem  annis  eoque  anipllus  theologiam  professus 

Et  hujus  ecclesire  per  septennium  canonicus  major, 

Saipissime  hie  et  alibi  sacrum  dei  praeconem 

magno  cum  zelo  et  fructu  egit. 
Vir  pins,  doctus,  integer,  frugi,  de  republica 

deque  ecclesia  optima  uieritus. 

A  laboribus  per  diu  noctuque  ab  anno  1562 

ad  16-26  strenue  usque  exantlatis 

4°  Martii  suaviler  requievit 

in  Domino. 

See  this  epitaph,  written  by  Dr.  Joseph  Hall,  dean  of  Worces- 
ter, in  Fuller's  Worthies,  p.  177. 

I  have  endeavored  to  revive  the  memory  of  this  great  and 
good  teacher,  wishing  to  excite  a  laudable  emulation  in  our 
provincial  sclioolmasters  ;  a  race  of  men,  who,  if  they  execute 
their  trust  with  abilities,  industry,  and  in  a  proper  manner,  de- 
serve the  highest  honor  and  patronage  their  country  can  bestow, 
as  they  have  an  opportunity  of  communicating  learning,  at  a 
moderate  expense,  to  the  middle  rank  of  gentry,  without  the 
danger  of  ruining  their  fortunes,  and  corrupting  their  morals  or 
their  health :  this,  though  foreign  to  my  present  purpose,  the 
vsspect  and  affection  I  bear  to  my  neighbors  extorted  from  me. 


AUTHOR    OF    HUDIBRAS.  11 

Whether  he  was  ever  entered  at  any  university  is  un- 
certain. His  biographer  says  he  went  to  Cambridge,  but 
was  never  matriculated  :  Wood,  on  the  autliority  of 
Butler's  brotlier,  says,  the  poet  spent  six  or  seven  yeara 
there  ;*  but  as  other  tilings  are  quoted  from  tiie  same 
authority,  which  I  beheve  to  be  false,  I  should  very 
much  suspect  the  truth  of  this  article.  Some  expres- 
sions, in  his  works,  look  as  if  he  were  acquainted  with 
the  customs  of  Oxford.  Coursing  was  a  term  peculiar 
to  that  university ;  see  Part  iii.  c.  ii.  v.  1244. 

Returning  to  his  native  country,  he  entered  into  the 
service  of  Thomas  JefFeries,  Esq.,  of  Earls  Croombe, 
who,  being  a  very  active  justice  of  the  peace,  and  a 
leading  man  in  the  business  of  the  province,  his  clerk 
was  in  no  mean  office,  but  one  that  required  a  know- 
ledge of  the  law  and  constitution  of  his  country,  and  a 
proper  behavior  to  men  of  every  rank  and  occupation  : 
besides,  in  those  times,  before  the  roads  were  made 
good,  and  short  visits  so  much  in  fashion,  every  large 
family  was  a  community  within  itself:  the  upper  ser- 
vants, or  retainers,  being  often  the  younger  sons  of 
gentlemen,  were  treated  as  friends,  and  the  whole  family 
dined  in  one  common  hall,  and  had  a  lecturer  or  clerk, 
who,  during  meal  times,  read  to  them  some  useful  or 
entertaining  book. 

Mr.  JefFeries's  family  was  of  this  sort,  situated  in  a 
retired  part  of  the  country,  surrounded  by  bad  roads, 
the  master  of  it  residing  constantly  in  Worcestershire. 
Here  Mr.  Butler  had  the  advantage  of  living  some  time 
in  the  neighborhood  of  his  own  family  and  friends :  and 
having  leisure  for  indulging  his  inclinations  for  learning, 
he  probably  improved  himself  very  much,  not  only  in 
the  abstruser  branches  of  it,  but  in  the  pohte  arts :  here 
he  studied  painting,  in  the  practice  of  which  indeed  his 
proficiency  was  but  moderate  ;  for  I  recollect  seeing  at 
Earls  Croombe,  in  my  youth,  some  portraits  said  to  bo 
painted  by  him,  which  did  him  no  great  honor  as  an 
artist.T  I  have  heard,  lately,  of  a  portrait  of  Oliver 
Cromwell,  said  to  be  painted  by  our  author. 


*  His  residing  in  the  neighborhootl  might,  perhaps,  occasion 
the  idea  of  his  having  been  at  Cambridge. 

t  In  his  MS.  Common-place  book  is  the  following  observation ; 

It  is  more  difficult,  and  requires  a  greater  mastery  of  art  in 
painting,  to  foreshorten  a  figure  exactly,  than  to  draw  three  at 
their  just  length ;  so  it  is,  in  writing,  to  express  any  thing  natu 
lally  and  briefly,  than  to  enlarge  and  dilate  • 


12  ON    SAMUEL    BUTLER,   ESQ., 

Al'ter  continuiiisr  some  time  in  this  service,  he  was 
recommended  to  Elizabeth  Countess  of  Kent,  who  lived 
at  Wresl,  in  Bedfordsliir*.  Here  he  enjoyed  a  literary 
retreat  during  great  part  of  the  civil  wars,  and  here 
probably  laid  the  groundwork  of  his  Hudibras,  as  ho 
had  the  benefit  of  a  good  collection  of  books,  and  the 
society  of  that  living  library,  the  learned  Selden.  His 
biographers  say,  he  lived  also  in  the  service  of  Sir  Samuel 
Luke,  of  Cople  Hoo  Farm,  or  Wood  End,  in  that 
county,  and  that  from  him  he  drew  the  character  of 
Hudibras  :*  but  such  a  prototype  was  not  rare  in  those 
times.  We  hear  little  more  of  Mr.  Butler  till  after  the 
Restoration:  perhaps,  as  Mr.  Selden  was  left  executor 
to  the  Countess,  his  employment  in  her  affairs  might 
not  cease  at  her  death,  though  one  might  suspect  by 
Butler's  MSS.  and  Remains,  that  his  friendship  with 
that  great  man  was  not  witiiout  interruption,  for  his 
satirical  wit  could  not  be  restrained  from  displaying  itself 
on  some  particularities  in  the  character  of  that  eminent 
scholar. 

Lord  Dorset  is  said  to  have  first  introduced  Hudibras 
to  court.  November  11,  16G2,  the  author  obtained  an 
imprimatur,  signed  J.  Berkeuhead,  for  printing  his  poem  ; 
accordingly  m  the  following  year  he  published  the  first 
part, containing  125  pages.  Sir  Roger  L'Estrange  grant- 
ed an  imprimatur  for  the  second  part  of  Hudibras,  by 

And  therefore  a  judicious  authnr's  lilots 

Are  more  ingenious  than  his  tirst  free  thouglits. 

This,  and  many  other  passages  from  Butler's  MSS.  are  inserted, 
not  so  much  for  their  intrinsic  merit,  as  to  please  those  who  are 
unwilling  to  lose  one  drop  of  that  immortal  man;  as  Garrick 
says  of  Shatvspeare : 

It  is  my  pride,  my  joy,  my  only  plan, 
To  h)se  no  drop  of  that  immortal  man. 

*  The  Lukes  were  an  ancient  family  at  Cople,  three  miles 
south  of  Bedford  :  in  the  church  are  many  monuments  to  the 
family  an  old  one  to  the  memory  of  Sir  Walter  Luke  knight, 
one  of  the  ju~;tices  of  the  pleas,  holden  hefore  the  iTiost  excellent 
prince  King  Henry  the  Eighth,  and  daufs  Anna  his  wife:  anoth- 
er in  rememhrance  of  Nicholas  Luke,  and  liis  wife,  vvitli  five 
sons  and  four  daughters. 

On  a  fiat  stone  in  the  chancel  is  written. 

Here  lieth  the  hotly  of  George  Luke,  Esq. ;  he  departed  tliislife 
Feb.  10,  1732,  aged  74  years,  the  last  Luke  of  Wood  End. 

Sir  Samuel  Luke  was  a  rigid  Presbyterian,  and  not  an  eminent 
commander  under  Oliver  Cromwell  ;  probably  did  not  approvo 
of  the  king's  trial  and  execution,  and  therefore,  with  other  Pres 
byterians,  boHi  he  and  hi?  father  Sir  Oliver  were  among  the  s^ 
eluded  members.    See  Rushworth's  collections 


AUTHOR    OF    HUDIBRAS.  13 

the  author  of  the  first,  November  5,  1663,  and  it  waa 
printed  by  T.  R.  for  John  Martin,  1664. 

In  the  Mercurius  Auliciis,  a  ministerial  jiewspaper, 
from  January  1,  to  January  8,  1662,  quarto,  is  an  ad- 
vertisement saying,  that  "  there  is  stolen  abroad  a  most 
"  false  and  imperfect  copy  of  a  poem  called  Hudibras, 
"  without  name  either  of  printer  or  bookseller  ;  the  true 
"  and  perfect  edition,  printed  by  the  author's  original,  is 
*'  sold  by  Richard  Marriott,  near  St.  Dunstan's  Church, 
"  in  Fleet-street ;  that  other  nameless  impression  is  a 
"  cheat,  and  will  but  abuse  the  buyer,  as  well  as  the 
"  author,  whose  poem  deserves  to  have  fallen  into  better 
"  hands."  Probably  many  other  editions  were  soon  af- 
ter printed  :  but  the  first  and  second  parts,  with  notes  to 
both  parts,  were  printed  for  J.  Martin  and  H.  Herring- 
ham,  octavo,  1674.  The  last  edition  of  the  third  part, 
before  the  author's  death,  was  printed  by  the  same  per- 
sons in  1678 :  this  I  take  to  be  the  last  copy  corrected  by 
himself,  and  is  that  from  which  this  edition  is  in  general 
printed:  the  third  part  had  no  notes  put  to  it  during  the 
author's  life,  and  who  furnished  them  after  his  death  is 
not  known. 

In  the  British  Museum  is  the  original  injunction  by 
authority,  signed  John  Berkenhead,  forbidding  any  print- 
er, or  other  person  whatsoever  to  print  Hudibras,  or  any 
part  thereof,  without  the  consent  or  approbation  of  Sam- 
uel Butler,  (or  Boteler,)  Esq.,*  or  his  assignees,  given  at 
Whitehall,  10th  September,  1677;  copy  of  this  injunc- 
tion may  be  seen  in  the  note.t 

It  was  natural  to  suppose,  that  after  the  restoration, 
and  the  publication  of  liis  Hudibi'as,  our  poet  should  have 

*  Induced  by  this  injunction,  and  by  the  office  he  held  as  sec- 
retary to  Richard  earl  of  Carbuiy.  lord  president  of  Wales,  I  have 
ventured  to  call  our  poet  Samuel  Butler,  Esq. 

t  CHARLES  R. 

Our  will  and  pleasure  is,  and  we  do  hereby  strictly  charge  and 
onimand,  that  no  printer,  bookseller,  stationer,  or  other  person 
whatsoever  within  our  kingdom  of  England  or  Ireland,  do  print,  re- 
print, utter  or  sell,  or  CH  use  to  be  primed,  reprinted,  uttered  or  sold, 
%book  or  pnem  called  Hudibras,  or  any  part  thereof,  without  the 
consent  and  approbation  of  Samuel  Boteler,  Esq.,  or  his  as- 
signees, as  they  and  every  of  them  will  answer  the  contrary  at 
.heir  perils.  Given  at  our  Court  at  Whitehall,  the  tenth  day  of 
September,  in  the  year  of  our  Lord  God  1677,  and  in  the  29tli 
^ear  of  our  reign, 

By  his  Majesty's  command, 

Jo.  BERKENHEAD. 
Miscel.  Papers,  Mus.  Bibl.  Bircli.  No.  4293 

Plut.  11.  J.  original. 


14  ON  SAMUEL  BD  TLER,  ESQ., 

appeared  in  public  life,  and  have  been  rewarded  for  tha 
eminent  service  his  poem  did  the  royal  cause  ;  but  his 
innate  modesty,  and  studious  turn  of  mind,  prevented  so- 
licitations :  never  having  tasted  the  idle  luxuries  of  life, 
he  did  not  make  to  himself  needless  wants,  or  pine  after 
imaginary  pleasures :  his  fortune,  indeed,  was  small,  and 
so  was  his  ambition  ;  his  integrity  of  life,  and  modest 
temper,  rendered  him  contented.  However,  there  is 
good  authority  for  believing  that  at  one  time  he  was  grat- 
ified with  an  order  on  the  treasury  for  300Z.,  which  is 
said  to  have  passed  all  the  offices  witliout  payment  of 
fees,  and  this  gave  him  an  opportunity  of  displaying  his 
disinterested  integrity,  by  conveying  the  entire  sum  im- 
mediately to  a  friend,  in  trust  for  the  use  of  his  creditors. 
Dr.  Zachary  Pearse,*  on  the  authority  of  Mr.  Lowndes 
of  the  Treasury,  asserts,  that  Mr.  Butler  received  from 
Charles  the  Second  an  annual  pension  of  lOOL  ;  add  to 
this,  he  was  appointed  secretary  to  the  lord  president  of 
tjje  principality  of  Wales,  and,  about  the  year  1667, 
steward  of  Ludlow  castle.  With  all  this,  the  court  was 
thought  to  have  been  guilty  of  a  glaring  neglect  in  his 
case,  and  the  public  were  scandalized  at  the  ingratitude. 
The  indigent  poets,  who  have  always  claimed  a  prescrip- 
tive riglit  to  live  on  the  munificence  of  their  cotempora- 
ries,  were  tlio  loudest  in  their  remonstrances.  Dryden, 
Oldham,  and  Otway,  while  in  appearance  they  com- 
plained of  the  vmrewarded  merits  of  our  author,  oblique- 
ly lamented  their  private  and  particular  grievances  ; 
IldTpoKXov  Trp6(paaiv,  dpSiv  6'  avrdv  Kt'jit  tKa^o;  ;t  or,  as  Sal- 
hist  says,  nulli  mortalium  injuriae  sute  parvffi  videntur. 
Mr.  Butler's  own  sense  of  the  disappointment,  and  the 
impression  it  made  on  his  spirits,  are  sufficiently  marked 
by  the  circumstance  of  his  having  twice  transcribed  the 
following  distich  with  some  variation  in  his  MS.  com- 
mon-place book: 

To  think  how  Spenser  died,  how  Cowley  monrn'd, 
How  Butler's  faith  and  service  were  return'd.J 


*  See  Granger's  Biographical  History  of  England,  octavo,  vol. 
iv.  p.  40. 

t  Homer— Iliad.  19,  ."JOX 

t  I  am  aware  of  a  difficulty  that  maybe  started,  that  the  Tra 
gcdy  of  Constanline  the  Great,  to  which  Otway  wrote  the  pro- 
logue, according  to  Giles  Jacob  in  his  poetical  Register,  was  not 
Bcted  at  the  Theatre  Royal  till  1681,  four  years  after  our  poet's 
death,  but  probably  he  had  seen  the  MS.  or  heard  the  thought, 
as  both  his  MSS.  differ  somewhat  from  the  printed  copy. 


AUTHOR    OF    HUDIBRAS.  15 

lu  the  same  MS.  he  says,  "  wit  is  very  chargeable, 
••  and  not  to  be  maintained  in  its  necessary  expenses  at 
''  au  ordinary  rate  :  it  is  the  worst  trade  in  the  world  to 
•'  live  upon,  and  a  commodity  that  no  man  thinks  he 
'  has  need  of,  for  those  who  have  least  believe  they  havo 
"  most." 

Ingenuity  and  wit 

Do  only  make  the  owners  fit 
For  nolhinj;,  but  to  be  undone 
Much  easier  than  if  th'  had  none. 

Mr.  Butler  spent  some  time  in  France,  probably  wh'3ii 
Lewis  XIV.  was  in  the  height  of  his  glory  and  vanity  : 
however,  neither  the  language  nor  manners  of  Paris 
wore  pleasing  Jo  our  modest  poet ;  some  of  his  observa- 
tions may  be  amusing,,!  shall  therefore  insert  them  in  a 
note.*     He  married  Mrs.  Herbert :  whether  she  was  a 

*  "The  French  use  so  many  words,  upon  all  occasions,  that 
if  they  did  not  cut  them  short  in  pronunciation,  they  would  grow 
tedious  and  insufferable. 

"They  infinitely  affect  rhyme,  though  it  becomes  their  lan- 
guage the  worst  in  the  world,  and  spoils  the  little  sense  they 
have  to  make  room  for  it,  and  make  the  same  syllable  rhyme  to 
itself,  which  is  worse  than  metal  upon  metal  in  heraldry  :  they 
find  it  much  easier  to  write  plays  in  verse  than  in  prose,  for  it  is 
much  harder  to  imitate  nature,  than  any  deviation  from  her ; 
and  prose  requires  a  more  proper  and  natural  sense  and  expres- 
sion than  verse,  that  has  something  in  the  stamp  and  coin  to  an- 
swer for  the  alloy  and  want  of  intrinsic  value.  I  never  came 
among  them,  but  the  following  line  was  in  my  mind: 

Raucaque  garrulitas,  studiumque  inane  loquendi ; 
for  they  talk  so  much,  they  have  not  time  to  think ;  and  if  they 
had  all  the  wit  in  the  world,  their  tongues  would  run  before  it. 

"The  present  king  of  France  is  building  a  most  stately  tri 
umphal  arch  in  memory  of  his  victories,  and  the  great  actions 
which  he  has  performed  :  but,  if  1  am  not  mistaken,  those  edifi- 
ces which  bear  that  name  at  Rome,  were  not  raised  by  the  em- 
perors vvliose  names  they  bear,  (such  as  Trajan,  Titus,  &c.,)  but 
were  decreed  by  the  Senate,  and  built  at  the  expense  of  the  pub- 
lic ;  for  that  glory  is  lost,  which  any  man  designs  to  consecrate 
to  himself. 

"The  king  takes  a  very  good  course  to  weaken  the  city  of  Pa- 
ris by  adorning  of  it,  and  to  render  it  less,  by  making  it  appear 
greater  and  more  glorious  ;  for  he  pulls  down  whole  streets  to 
make  room  for  his  palaces  and  public  structures. 

"There  is  nothing  great  or  magnificent  in  all  the  country, that 
I  have  seen,  but  the  buildings  and  furniture  of  the  king's  houses 
and  the  churches;  all  the  rest  is  mean  and  paltry. 

"The  king  is  necessitated  to  lay  heavy  taxes  upon  his  subjects 
in  his  own  defence,  and  to  keep  them  poor,  in  order  to  keep  then, 
quiet ;  for  if  they  are  suffered  to  enjoy  any  plenty,  they  are  natu- 
rally so  insolent,  that  they  would  become  ungovernable,  and  use 
him  as  they  have  done  his  predecessors :  but  he  has  rendered 
himself  so  strong,  that  they  have  no  thoughts  of  attempting  any 
thing  in  bis  time. 


16  ON  SAMUEL  BUTLER,   ESQ... 

widow,  or  not,  is  uncertain  ;  with  her  he  expected  a  con- 
siderable fortune,  but,  through  various  losses,  and  kna- 
very, he  found  himself  disappointed  :  to  this  some  have 
attributed  his  severe  strictures  upon  the  professors  of  the 
law  ;  but  if  his  censures  be  properly  considered,  they  will 
be  found  to  bear  hard  only  upon  tlie  disgraceful  part  of 
each  profession,  and  upon  false  learning  in  general :  this 
was  a  favorite  subject  with  him,  but  no  man  had  a  great- 
er regard  for,orwas  abetterjudgeof  the  worthy  part  of  the 
three  learned  professions,  or  learning  in  general,  than 
Mr.  Butler. 

How  long  he  continued  in  office,  as  steward  of  Lud- 
low Castle,  is  not  known ;  but  he  lived  the  latter  part 
of  his  life  in  Rose-street,  Covent  Garden,  in  a  studiou? 
retired  manner,  and  died  there  ju  the  year  1680. — He 
is  said  to  have  been  buried  at  the  expense  of  Mr.  Wil- 
liam Longueville,  though  he  did  not  die  in  debt. 

Some  of  his  friends  wished  to  have  interred  him  in 
Westminster  Abbey  with  proper  solemnity ;  but  not 
finding  others  willing  to  contribute  to  the  expense,  his 
corpse  was  deposited  privately  in  the  yard  belonging  to 
the  church  of  Saint  Paul's,  Covent  Garden,  at  the  west 
end  of  the  said  yard,  on  the  nortli  side,  under  the  wall 
of  the  said  church,  and  under  that  wail  which  parts  the 
yard  from  the  common  highway.*  I  have  been  thug 
particular,  because,  in  the  year  1786,  when  the  church 
was  repaired,  a  marble  monument  was  placed  on  the 
south  side  of  the  church  on  the  inside,  by  some  of  the 
parishioners,  which  might  tend  to  mislead  posterity  as 
to  the  place  of  his  interment :  their  zeal  for  the  memory 
of  the  learned  poet  does  them  honor ;  but  the  writer  of 
the  verses  seems  to  have  mistaken  the  character  of  Mr. 
Butler.     The  inscription  runs  thus: 

"  This  little  monument  was  erected  in  the  year  1786, 
"  by  some  of  the  parishioners  of  Covent  Garden,  in 

"  The  churchmen  overlook  all  other  people  as  haughtily  as  the 
tnurches  and  steeples  do  private  houses. 

"The  French  do  nothing  without  ostentation,  and  the  king 
himself  is  not  behind  with  his  triumphal  arrhes  consecrated  to 
himself,  and  his  impress  of  the  sun,  nee  pluribus  impar. 

"The  French  king  having  copies  of  the  best  pictures  from 
RoniR,  is  as  a  great  prince  wearing  clothes  at  second  hand  :  the 
king  in  his  prodigious  charge  ol'  buildings  and  furniture  does  the 
same  thing  to  himself  that  he  means  to  do  by  Paris,  renders  him- 
self weaker,  by  endeavoring  to  appear  the  more  magniticent:  lets 
go  the  substance  for  shadow." 

*  See  Butler's  Life,  printed  before  the  small  edition  of  Hudl 
bras  in  1710,  and  reprinted  by  Dr.  Grey 


AUTHOR    OF    HUDIBRAS.  17 

"  memory  of  the  celebrated  Samuel  Butler,  who  waa 
"  buried  in  this  church,  A.  D.  1680. 

"  A  few  plain  men,  to  pomp  and  state  unknown, 
"O'er  a  poor  bard  have  raised  this  humble  stone, 
"  Whose  wants  alone  his  genius  could  su'pass, 
"  Victim  of  zeal  !  the  matchless  Hudibras  . 
"  What  though  fair  freedom  suffer'd  in  his  page, 
"  Reader,  forgive  the  author  for  the  age  ! 
"  How  few,  alas  !  disdain  to  cringe  and  cant, 
"  When  'tis  the  mode  to  play  the  sycophant. 
"  But,  oh  !  let  all  be  taught,  from  Butler's  fate, 
"  Who  hope  to  make  their  fortunes  hy  the  great, 
"That  wit  and  pride  are  always  dangerous  things, 
"  And  little  faith  is  due  to  courts  and  kmgs." 

In  the  year  1721,  John  Barber,  an  eminent  printer, 
and  alderman  of  London,  erected  a  monument  to  our 
poet  in  Westminster  Abbey ;  the  inscription  is  as  fol- 
lows : 

M.S. 

Samuelis  Butler 
Qui  StrenshamicE  in  agro  Vigorn.  natus  1612, 
Obiit  Lond.  1680. 
Vir  doctus  imprimis,  acer,  integer, 
Operibus  ingenii  non  item  prjemiis  felix. 
Satyrici  apud  nos  carminis  artifex  egregius. 
Qui  simulatte  religionis  larvam  detraxit 
Et  perduellium  scelera  liberrime  exagitavit, 
Scriptoruni  in  suo  genere  primus  et  postremus. 
Ne  cui  vivo  deerant  fere  omnia 
Deesset  etiam  mortuo  tumulus 
Hoc  tandem  posito  marmore  curavit 

Johannes  Barber  civis  Londinensis  1721. 

On  the  latter  part  of  this  epitaph  the  ingenious  Mr 
Samuel  Wesley  wrote  tlie  following  lines : 

While  Butler,  needy  wretch,  was  yet  alive, 

No  generous  patron  would  a  dinner  give  ; 

See  him,  when  starved  to  death,  and  turn'd  to  dust, 

Presetted  with  a  monumental  bust. 

The  poet's  fate  is  here  in  emblem  shown, 

He  ask'd  for  bread,  and  he  received  a  stone. 

Soon  after  this  monument  was  erected  in  Westminster 
Abbey,  some  persons  proposed  to  erect  one  in  Covent 
Garden  church,  for  which  Mr.  Dennis  wrote  the  follow- 
iiig  inscription : 

Near  this  place  lies  interr'd 

The  body  of  Mr.  Samuel  Butler, 

Author  of  Hudibras. 

He  was  a  whole  species  of  poets  in  one  : 

Admirable  in  a  manner 
In  which  no  one  else  has  been  tolerable : 
A  manner  which  began  and  ended  in  him, 


18  ON    SAMUEL    BDTLER      ESQ., 

In  which  he  knew  no  guide, 

And  has  found  no  I'ol lowers. 

Nat.  1G12.    Ob.  I(i80. 

Hudibras  is  Mr.  Butler's  capital  work,  and  though 
the  characters,  poems,  thoughts,, &c.,  published  by  Mr. 
Thyer,  in  two  volumes  octavo,  are  certainly  written  by 
the  same  masterly  hand,  though  they  abound  in  lively 
Eallies  of  wit,  and  display  a  copious  variety  of  erudition, 
yet  the  nature  of  the  subjects,  their  not  having  received 
the  author's  last  corrections,  and  many  other  reasons 
which  might  be  given,  render  them  less  acceptable  to 
the  present  taste  of  the  public,  which  no  longer  relishes 
tiie  antiquated  mode  of  writing  characters,  cultivated 
when  Butler  was  young,  by  men  of  genius,  such  as 
Bishop  Earle  and  Mr.  Cleveland  ;  the  volumes,  how- 
ever, are  very  useful,  as  they  tend  to  illustrate  many 
passages  in  Hudibras.  The  three  small  ones  entitled, 
Posthumous  Works,  in  Prose  and  Verse,  by  Mr.  Samuel 
Butler,  author  of  Hudibras,  printed  1715,  171G,  1717, 
are  all  spurious,  except  the  Pindaric  ode  on  Duval  the 
highwayman,  and  perhaps  one  or  two  of  the  prose 
pieces.  As  to  the  MSS.  which  after  Mr.  Butlers  death 
came  into  the  hands  of  Mr.  Longueville,  and  from 
whence  Mr.  Tiiycr  published  his  genuine  Remains  in 
the  year  1759  ;  what  remain  of  them,  still  unpublished, 
are  either  in  the  hands  of  the  ingenious  Doctor  Farmer, 
of  Cambridge,  or  myself:  for  Mr.  Butler's  Common-place 
Book,  mentioned  by  Mr.  Thyer,  I  am  indebted  to  the  lib- 
eral and  public-spirited  James  Massey,  Esq.,  of  Rosthern, 
near  Knotsford,  Cheshire.  The  poet's  frequent  and 
correct  use  of  law-terms*  is  a  sufficient  proof  that  he 
was  well  versed  in  that  science  ;  but  if  further  evidence 
were  wanting,  I  can  produce  a  MS.  purchased  of  some 
of  our  poet's  relations,  at  the  Hay,  in  Brecknockshire ; 
it  appears  to  be  a  collection  of  legal  cases  and  principles, 
regularly  related  from  Lord  Coke's  Commentary  on 
Littleton's  Tenures :  the  language  is  Norman,  or  law 
French,  and,  in  general,  an  abridgment  of  the  above- 
mentioned  celebrated  work ;  for  the  authorities  in  the 
margin  of  the  MS.  correspond  exactly  with  those  given 
on  the  same  positions  in  the  first  institute  ;  and  the  sub- 
ject matter  contained  in  each  particular  section  of  But- 
Jer's  legal  tract,  is  to  be  found  in  the  same  numbered 


*  Butler  is  said  to  have  been  a  member  of  Gray's-inn,  and  of 
t  club  with  Cleveland  and  other  wits  inclined  to  the  royal  cause 


AUTHOR    OF    HUDIBRAS.  19 

section  of  Coke  upon  Littleton :  the  first  book  of  the 
MS.  Hkewise  ends  with  the  84th  section,  which  same 
number  of  sections  also  terminates  the  first  institute; 
and  the  second  book  of  the  IMS.  is  entitled  by  Butler, 
Le  second  livre  del  primer  part  del  institutes  de  ley 
d'Engleterre.  The  titles  of  the  respective  chapters  of 
the  MS.  also  precisely  agree  with  the  titles  of  each 
chapter  in  Coke  upon  Littleton  ;  Jt  may,  therefore,  rea- 
sonably be  presumed  to  have  been  compijed  by  Butler 
solely  from  Coke  upon  Littleton,  with  no  other  object 
than  to  impress  strongly  on  his  mind  the  sense  of  that 
author;  and  written  in  Norman,  to  familiarize. himself 
with  the  barbarous  language  in  which  the  learning  of 
the  common  law  of  England  was  at  that  period  almost 
uniformly  expressed.  The  MS.  is  imperfect,  no  title 
existing,  some  leaves  being  torn,  and  is  continued  only' 
to  the  193d  section,  which  is  about  the  middle  of  Coke's 
second  book  of  the  first  institute. 

As  another  instance  of  the  poet's  great  industry,  I 
have  a  French  dictionary,  compiled  and  transcribed  by 
him  :  thus  did  our  ancestors,  with  great  labor,  draw 
truth  and  learning  out  of  deep  wells,  whereas  our  mod- 
ern scholars  only  skim  the  surface,  and  pilfer  a  super- 
ficial knowledge  from  encyclopaedias  and  reviews.  It 
doth  not  appear  that  he  ever  wrote  for  the  stage,  though 
I  have,  in  his  MS.  Common-place  book,  part  of  an  un- 
finished tragedy,  entitled  Nero.  , 

Concerning  Hudibras  there  is  but  one  sentiment — it 
is  universally  allowed  to  be  the  first  and  last  poem  of  its 
kind  ;  the  learning,  wit,  and  humor,  certainly  stand  un- 
rivalled ;  various  have  been  the  attempts  to  define  or 
describe  the  two  last ;  the  greatest  English  writers  have 
tried  in  vain  ;  Cowley,*  Barrow,t  Dryden,|  Locke, § 
Addison, II  Pope, IT  and  Congreve,  all  failed  in  their  at- 
tempts ;  perhaps  they  are  more  to  be  felt  than  explain- 
ed, and  to  be  understood  rather  from  example  than  pre- 
cept ;  if  any  one  wishes  to  know  what  wit  and  humor 
are,  let  him  read  Hudibras  with  attention,  he  will  there 
see  them  displayed  in  the  brightest  colors :  there  is  lus- 
tre resulting  from  the  quick  elucidation  of  an  object,  by 


*  In  his  Ode  on  Wit,— t  in  his  Sermon  againr.t  Foolish  Talk 
Ing  and  Jesting, — t  in  his  Preface  to  an  Opera  tailed  the  State 
of  Innocence,— 5  Essay  on  Human  Understanding,  b.  ii.  c.  2. — 
I  Spectator,  Nos.  35  and  32. — U  Essay  concerning  humor  ia 
Comedy,  and  Corbyn  Morris's  Essay  on  Wit,  Humor,  and  Rail- 
•ery. 


20  ON    SAMUEL    BUTLER,    ESQ., 

a  just  and  unexpected  arrangement  of  it  with  another 
subject ;  propriety  of  words,  and  thoughts  e/egantly 
adapted  to  the  occasion  :  objects  which  possess  an  af- 
finity and  congruity,  or  sometimes  a  contrast  to  each 
other,  assembled  with  quickness  and  variety  ;  in  short, 
every  ingredient  of  wit,  or  of  humor,  which  critics  have 
discovered  on  dissecting  them,  may  be  found  in  this 
poem.  The  reader  ntay  congratulate  himself,  that  he 
is  not  destitute  of  taste  to  relish  both,  if  lie  can  read  it 
with  delight  ;  nor  would  it  be  presumption  to  transfer  to 
this  capital  author,  Quinctilian's  enthusiastic  praise  of  a 
great  Ancient :  hunc  igitur  spectemus,  hoc  propositum 
sit  nobis  exemplum,  ille  se  profecisse  sciat  cui  Cicero 
valde  placebit. 

Hudibras  is  to  an  epic  poem,  what  a  good  farce  is  to 
a  tragedy :  persons  advanced  in  years  generally  prefer 
the  former,  having  met  with  tragedies  enough  in  real 
life  ;  whereas  the  comedy,  or  interlude,  is  a  relief  from 
anxious  and  disgusting  reflections,  and  suggests  such 
playful  ideas,  as  wanton  round  the  heart  and  enliven 
the  very  features. 

The  hero  marches  out  in  search  of  adventures,  to 
suppress  those  sports,  and  punish  those  trivial  oiFences, 
which  the  vulgar  among  the  royalists  were  fond  of,  but 
which  the  Presbyterians  and  Independents  abhorred  ; 
and  which  our  hero,  as  a  magistrate  of  the  former  per- 
suasion, thought  "it  his  duty  officially  to  suppress.  The 
diction  is  that  of  burlesque  poetry,  painting  low  and  mean 
persons  and  things  in  pompous  language,  and  a  mag- 
nificent manner,  or  sometimes  levelling  sublime  and 
pompous  passages  to  the  standard  of  low  imagery.  The 
principal  actions  of  the  poem  are  four :  Hudibras's  vic- 
tory over  Crowdero — Trulla's  victory  over  Hudibras — 
Hudibras's  victory  over  Sidrophel — and  the  Widow's 
anti-masquerade  :  the  rest  is  made  up  of  the  adventures 
of  the  Bear,  of  the  Skimmingtou,  Hudibras's  conversa- 
tions with  the  Lawyer  and  Sidrophel,  and  his  long  dis- 
putations with  Ralpho  and  the  Widow.  The  verse  con- 
sists of  eight  syllables,  or  four  feet,  a  measure  which,  in 
unskilful  hands,  soon  becomes  tireiwme,  and  will  ever 
be  a  dangerous  snare  to  meaner  and  less  masterly  imi- 
tators. 

The  Scotch,  the  Irish,  the  American  Hudibras,  are 
not  worth  mentioning  :  the  translation  into  French,  by 
an  Englishman,  is  curious  ;  it  preserves  the  sense,  but 
cannot  keep  up  the  humor.     Prior  seems  to  have  como 


AUTHOR    OF    HUDIBRAS.  2i 

neaiest  the  original,  though  he  is  sensible  of  his  own  iu- 
feriority,  and  says, 

But,  like  poor  Andrew,  I  advance, 
False  mimic  of  my  master's  dance  ; 
Around  the  cord  awhile  I  sprawl. 
And  thence,  the'  low,  in  earnest  fall. 

His  Alma  is  neat  and  elegant, ,  and  his  vei^iification 
Bupeiior  to  Butlers ;  but  his  learning,  knowledge,  and 
wit,  by  no  means  equal.  Prior,  as  Dr.  Johnson  says, 
had  not  Butler's  exuberance  of  matter  and  variety  of 
illustration.  The  spangles  of  wit  which  he  could  afford, 
he  knew  how  to  polish,  but  he  wanted  the  bullion  of  his 
master.  Hudibras,  then,  may  truly  be  said  to  be  the 
first  and  last  satire  of  the  kind  ;  for  if  we  examuie  Lu- 
cian's  Tragopodagra,  and  other  dialogues,  the  Caesars 
of  Julian,  Seneca's  Apocolocyntosis,*  and  some  frag- 
ments of  Varro,  the)'  will  be  found  very  different :  the 
battle  of  the  frogs  and  mice,  commonly  ascribed  to  Ho- 
mer, and  the  Margites,  generally  allowed  to  be  his, 
prove  this  species  of  poetry  to  be  of  great  antiquity. 

The  inventor  of  the  modern  mock  heroic  was  Ales- 
sandro  Tassoni,  born  at  Jlodena,  1565.  His  Secchia 
rapita,  or  Rape  of  the  Bucket,  is  founded  on  the  popu- 
lar account  of  the  cause  of  the  civil  war  between  the 
inhabitants  of  Modena  and  Bologna,  in  the  time  of 
Frederic  II.  This  bucket  was  long  preser\'cd,  as  a 
trophy,  in  the  cathedral  of  Modena,  suspended  by  the 
chain  which  fastened  the  gate  of  Bologna,  through 
which  the  Modenese  forced  their  passage,  ai,J  seized 
the  prize.  It  is  written  in  the  ottava  Rima,  the  solemn^ 
measure  of  the  Italian  heroic  poets,  has  gone  through 
many  editions,  and  been  twice  translated  into  French  : 
it  has,  indeed,  considerable  merit,  though  the  reader 
will  scarcely  see  Elena  trasformasi  in  una  secchia. 
Tassoni  travelled  into  Spain  as  first  secretary  to  Cardi- 
nal Colonna,  and  died,  in  an  advanced  age,  in  the  court 
of  Francis  the  First,  duke  of  Modena :  he  was  highly 
esteenied  for  his  abilities  and  extensive  learning  ;  but^ 
like  Mr.   Butler's,  his  wit  was  applauded,   and  uure- 

*  Or  the  mock  deification  of  Claudius  ;  a  hurlesque  of  Apothe- 
osis or  Anathanatosis.  Reimarus  renders  it,  nnn  inter  deos  sed 
Inter  fatuos  relatio,  and  quotes  a  proverb  from  Apuleius,  Colo- 
cyntEB  caput,  for  a  fool.  Colocynta  is  ujetaphorically  put  for  any 
thing  unusually  large.  X/jfuai  KoXoKVvTuts,  in  the  Clouds  of 
Aristophanes,  is  to  have  the  eye  swelled  by  an  obstruction  sj 
«ig  as  a  gourd. 


22-  ON    SAMUtL    BUTLER,    ESQ., 

warded,  as  appears  from  a  portrait  of  him,  with  a  fig  io 
his  hand,  under  which  is  written  the  following  distich : 

Dextera  cur  ficnm  qiireris  mea  gestat  inanem, 
Longi  operis  merces  haec  fuit,  Aula  dedit. 

The  next  successful  imitators  of  the  mock-heroic, 
have  been  Boileau,  Garth,  and  Pope,  whose  respective 
works  are  too  generally  known,  and  too  justly  admired, 
to  require,  at  this  time,  description  or  encomium.  The 
Pucelie  d'Orleans  of  Voltaire  may  be  deemed  an  imita- 
tion of  Hudibras,  and  is  written  in  somewhat  the  same 
metre  ;  but  the  latter,  upon  the  whole,  must  be  con- 
sidered as  an  original  species  of  poetry,  a  composition 
sui  generis. 

Unde  nil  majus  generatur  ipso ; 

Ncc  viget  quidquam  simile  aut  secundum. 

Hudibras  has  been  compared  to  the  Satyre  Menippde 
de  la  vertu  du  Catholicon  d'Espagne,  first  published  in 
France  in  the  year  1593  ;  the  subject  indeed  is  some- 
what similar,  a  violent  civil  war  excited  by  religious 
zeal,  and  many  good  men  made  the  dupes  of  state  poli- 
ticians. After  the  death  of  Henry  IH.  of  France,  the 
Duke  do  Mayence  called  together  the  states  of  the 
kingdom,  to  elect  a  successor,  there  being  many  pre- 
tenders to  the  crown  ;  these  intrigues  were  the  founda- 
tion of  the  Satire  of  Menippee,  so  called  from  Menippus 
a  cynic  philosophy,  and  rough  satirist,  introducer  of  the 
burlesque  species  of  dialogue.  In  this  work  are  unveiled 
tlie  different  views  and  interests  of  the  several  actors  in 
those  bi'4sy  scenes,  who,  under  the  pretence  of  public 
good,  consulted  only  theif  private  advantage,  passions, 
and  prejudices. 

The  book,  which  aims  particularly  at  the  Spanish 
party,*  went  through  various  editions  from  its  first  pub- 


*  It  is  sometimes  called  Higuero  del  infierno,  or  the  fig-tree  of 
flell,  alluding  to  the  violent  part  the  Spaniards  took  in  the  civil 
wars  of  France,  and  in  allusion  to  the  title  of  Seneca's  Apocolo- 
cyntosis.  By  this  tig-tree  the  author  perhaps  means  the  won 
derful  bir  or  banian  described  by  Milton. 

The  fig-tree,  not  that  kind  for  fruit  renown'd, 
But  sucli  as  at  this  day  to  Indians  known 
In  Malabar  or  Dccan,  spreads  his  arms, 
Branching  so  broad  and  long,  that  in  the  ground 
The  bended  twigs  take  root,  and  daughters  grow 
About  the  mother  tree ;  a  pillar'd  shade 
High  over-arch'd,  and  echoing  walks  between. 


AUTHOR    OF    HUD113KAS.  23 

lication  to  1726,  when  it  was  printed  at  Ralisbone  in 
three  vokimes,  with  copious  notes  and  index :  it  is  still 
studied  by  antiquaries  with  delight,  and  in  its  day  was 
as  much  admired  as  Hudibras.  D'Aubign6  says  of  it, 
il  passe  pour  un  chef  d'ceuvre  en  son  gendre,  et  fut  hie 
avec  une  egale  avidite,  et  avec  un  plaisir  merveilleux 
par  les  royalistes,  par  les  pohtiques,  par  les  Huguenots 
et  par  les  ligueurs  de  toutes  les  especes.* 

M.  de  Thou's  character  of  it  is  equally  to  its  advan- 
tage. The  principal  author  is  said  to  be  Monsieur  le 
Roy,  sometime  chaplain  to  the  Cardinal  de  Bourbon, 
wliom  Thuanus  calls  vir  bonus,  et  a  factione  smmnc 
alienus. 

This  satire  differs  widely  from  our  author's :  like  those 
of  Varro,  Seneca,  and  Julian,  it  is  a  mixture  of  verse  and 
prose,  and  though  it  contains  much  wit,  and  Mr.  Butler 
had  certainly  read  it  with  attention,  yet  he  cannot  be 
said  to  imitate  it :  tlie  reader  will  perceive  that  our  poet 
had  in  view  Don  Quixote,  Spenser,  the  Italian  poets, 
together  with  the  Greek  and  Roman  classics :  but  very 
rarely,  if  ever,  alludes  to  Milton,  though  Paradise  Lost 
was  published  ten  years  before  the  third  part  of  Hu- 
dibras. 

Other  sorts  of  burlesque  have  been  published,  such 
as  the  Carmina  Macaronica,  the  Epistolae  Obscurorum 
Virorum,  Cotton's  Travesty,  &c.,  but  these  are  efforts 


Mr.  Ives,  in  his  Journey  from  Persia,  thus  speaks  of  this  won- 
derful vegetable:  "This  is  the  Indian  sacred  tree;  it  grows  to  a 
'•|irodi£ious  height,  and  Its  branches  spread  a  great  way.  The 
"  limbs  drop  down  fibrous,  which  take  root,  and  become  another 
"tree,  united  by  its  brandies  to  the  first,  and  so  continue  to  do, 
"until  the  tree  cover  a  great  extent  of  ground  ;  the  arches  which 
"those  different  stocks  make  are  Golhic,  like  those  we  see  in 
"  Westminster  Abbey,  the  stocks  not  being  single,  but  appearing 
"as  if  composed  of  many  stocks,  are  of  a  great  circumference 
"There  is  a  certain  solemnity  accompanying  these  trees,  nor  da 
"I  remember  that  I  was  ever  under  the  cover  of  any  of  them, 
"  but  that  my  mind  was  at  the  time  impressed  with  a  reverential 
''  awe."  From  hence  it  seems,  that  both  these  authors  thought 
Gothic  architecture  similar  to  embowered  rows  of  trees. 

The  Indian  fig-tree  is  described  as  of  an  immense  size,  capable 
of  shading  800  or  1,000  men,  and  some  of  them  3,000  persons. 
In  Mr.  Marsden's  History  of  Sumatra,  the  following  is  an  account 
of  the  dimensions  of  a  remarkable  banyan-tree  near  Banjer, 
twenty  miles  west  of  Patna,  in  Bengal.  Diameter  363  to  375 
feet,  circumference  of  its  shadow  at  nonn  1,116  feet,  circuniler- 
ence  of  the  several  stems,  (in  number  50  or  GO,)  911  feet. 

*  Henault  says  of  this  work,  Peut-6tre  que  la  satire  Menipp68 
ne  fut  gueres  moins  utile  cl  Henri  IV.  que  la  bataille  d'lvri:  le 
ridicule  a  plus  de  force  qu'on  ne  croit 


24  ON    SAMUEL    BUTLER,    ESQ. 

of  genius  of  no  great  importance.  Man}'  burlesque  and 
satirical  poems,  and  prose  compositions,  were  published 
in  France  between  tlie  years  1593  and  1660,  the  au- 
thors of  which  were  Rabelais,*  Scarron,  and  others; 
the  Cardinal  is  said  to  have  severely  fe)t  the  Maza- 
renade. 

A  popular  song  or  poem  has  alw  ays  had  a  wonderful 
effect ;  the  following  is  an  excellent  one  from  jEschylus, 
sung  at  the  battle  of  Salamis,  at  which  he  was  present, 
and  engaged  in  the  Athenian  squadron. 

a  TTa7Ses  'THWiJvoiv  ire, 

eXtvdcpovTs  TraTp[S\  iXevOepovrt  Hi 
rraliai,  yvva^Kas,  QcHv  tz  Tiarp(oii)v  cSr], 
di'jKai  Tt  TTpoy6v(i>v'  vvv  VKip  Tzavrtav  aydv. 

^sch.  Persae,  1.  400. 

The  ode  of  Callistratus  is  supposed  to  have  done  em- 
inent service,  by  commemorating  the  delivery,  and  pre- 
venting the  return  of  that  tyranny  in  Athens,  which 
was  liappily  terminated  by  the  death  of  Hipparchus, 
and  expulsion  of  the  Pisistratidai ;  I  mean  a  song  which 
was  sung  at  their  feasts  beginning, 

Ev  fivpTOV  xXaii  to  ^itpos  (popijorb), 
uffjrfp  Apjioiios  K  Apt^oysiTwi', 
Htc  tov  Tvpavvov  KTaveTrjv, 
laovdpov;  r'  AB/iva;  eTTOirjadrrjv, 

And  ending, 

Aa  CT0(3i  kXios  e(jacTai  Kar'  ajav, 
(piXrad'  AppdiiC  k'  Api^dyeirov, 
Sti  tov  Tvpavvov  ktuvctov 
l(Sov6jiov%  t   Adf/vas  eTroitjiraTov. 

Of  this  song  the  learned  Lowth  says,  Si  post  idus  illas 
Martias  e  Tyrannocloais  quispiam  tale  aliquod  carmen 
plebi  tradidisset,  inque  suburram,  et  fori  circulos,  ct  in 
ora  vulgi  intulisset,  actum  profecto  fuisset  de  partibus 
deque  domiuatione  Ccesarum  :  plus  mehercule  valuisset 
uuuui  Appoiiov  fiiXoi  quam  Ciceronis  PhilippicjB  omues  ; 
and  again,  Num  verendum  erat  ne  quis  tyrannidem 
Pisistratidarum  Athenis  instaurare  auderet,  ubi  cantita- 
retur  ^xoXtov  illud  Callistrati. — See  also  Israelitarum 
ETTivf/cioi',  Isaiah,  chapter  xiv. 

Of  this  kind  was  the  famous  Irish  song  called  Lilli- 

*  [Probably  a  misprint.  Rabelais  died  in  1553,  and  his  work 
was  first  published  at  Lyons  in  1533.1 


AUTHOR     OF    UUDIBKAS.  85 

burlero,  which  just  before  the  Revolution  in  1G88,  had 
6uch  an  effect,  tiiat  Burnet  says,  "  a  foolisli  ballad  was 
"  made  at  that  time,  treating  Uie  papists,  and  chietly 
"the  Irish,  in  a  very  ridiculous  manner,  which  had  a 
"  burthen  said  to  be  Irish  wcrdt',  Loro  loro  hliibarlero, 
"  that  made  an  impression  on  tho  (king's)  army  that 
"  cannot  be  imagined  by  those  that  saw  it  not.  The 
"  whole  army,  and  at  last  the  people,  both  in  city  and 
"country,  were  singing  it  perpetually:  and  perhaps 
"  never  had  so  slight  a  thing  so  good  an  effect."  Of 
this  kind  in  modern  days  was  the  song  of  God  save 
great  George  our  king,  and  the  Ca  ira  of  Paris.  Thus 
wonderfully  did  Hudibras  operate  in  beating  down  the 
hypocrisy,  and  false  patriotism  of  his  time.  Mr.  Hay- 
ley  gives  a  character  of  him  in  four  lines  with  great 
propriety : 

"Unrivall'd  Butler  !  blest  with  linppy  skill 
"To  heal  by  comic  verse  each  seriGas  ill, 
"  By  wit's  strong  flashes  reason'.s  lif:ht  dispense, 
"  And  laugh  a  frantic  nation  into  sense." 

For  one  great  object  of  our  poet's  satire  is  to  unmask 
the  hypocrite,  and  to  exhibit,  in  a  light  at  once  odious 
and  ridiculous,  the  Presbyterians  and  Independents,  and 
all  other  sects,  which  in  our  poet's  days  amounted  to 
near  two  hundred,  and  were  enemies  to  the  King  ;  but 
his  further  view  was  to  banter  all  the  false,  and  even  all 
the  suspicious  pretences  to  learning  that  prevailed  in  his 
time,  such  as  astrology,  sympathetic  medicine,  alchymy, 
transfusion  of  blood,  trifling  experimental  philosophy, 
fortune-telling,  incredible  relations  of  travellers,  false 
wit,  and  injudicious  affectation  of  ornament  to  be  found 
in  the  poets,  romance  writers,  &c. ;  thus  he  frequently 
alludes  to  Purchas's  Pilgrim,  Sir  Kenelm  Digby's  books, 
Bulwer's  Artificial  Changeling,  Brown's  Vulgar  Errors, 
Burton's  Melancholy,  the  early  transactions  of  the  Royal 
Society,  the  various  pamphlets  and  poems  of  his  time, 
&c.,  &c.  These  books,  though  now  little  known,  were 
much  reat  and  admired  in  our  author's  days.  The  ad- 
venture with  the  widow  is  introduced  in  conformity  with 
other  poets,  both  heroic  and  dramatic,  who  hold  that  no 
poem  can  be  perfect  which  hath  not  at  least  one  Epi- 
sode of  Love. 

It  is  not  worth  while  to  inquire,  if  the   charactera 

painted  under  the  fictitious  names  of  Hudibras,  Crow 

dero,  Orsin,  Talgol,  Trulla,  &c ,  were  drawn  from  reaj 

life,  or  whether  Sir  Roger  L'Estrange's  key  to  Hudi- 

2 


26  ON    SAMUEL    BUILER,    ESQ., 

bras  be  a  true  oue  ;  it  matters  )iot  whether  the  here  v;ere 
designed  as  the  picture  of  Sir  Samuel  Luke,  Col.  .ioUs, 
or  Sir  Henry  Rosewell,  he  is,  in  the  language  of  Dr  fdeu, 
knight  of  the  Shire,  and  represents  them  all,  that  is,  the 
whole  body  of  the  Presbyterians,  as  Ralplio  does  that  of 
the  Independents:  it  would  be  degrading  the  liberal 
spirit  and  universal  genius  of  ]\Ir.  Butler,  to  narrow  his 
general  satire  to  a  particular  libel  on  any  characters, 
however  marked  and  prominent.  To  a  single  rogue,  or 
blockhead,  he  disdained  to  stoop ;  the  vices  and  follies 
of  the  age  in  wliich  he  lived,  (et  quando  uberior  vitiorum 
copia,)  were  the  quarry  at  which  he  fled  ;  these  he  con- 
centrated, and  embodied  in  the'  persons  of  Hudibras, 
Ralpho,  Sidrophel,  &c.,  so  that  each  character  in  this 
admirable  poem  should  be  considered,  not  as  an  individ- 
ual, but  as  a  species. 

It  is  not  generally  known,  that  meanings  still  more 
remote  and  chimerical  than  mere  personal  allusions, 
have  been  discovered  in  Hudibras  ;  and  the  poem  would 
have  wanted  one  of  those  marks  which  distinguish  works 
of  superior  merit,  if  it  had  not  been  supposed  to  be  a 
perpetual  allegory :  writers  of  eminence.  Homer,  Plato, 
and  even  the  Holy  Scriptures  themselves,  have  been 
most  wretchedly  misrepresented  by  commentators  of 
this  cast ;  and  it  is  astonishing  to  observe  to  what  a  de- 
gree Heraclides*  and  Proclus,t  Philot  and  Origen,  have 
lost  sight  of  their  usual  good  sense,  when  they  have 


*  The  AUegoriiE  HomericBB,  Gr.  Lat.,  published  by  Dean  Gale, 
Anist.  1C88,  though  usually  ascribed  to  Heraclides  Ponticus,  the 
Platonist,  must  be  the  woricof  a  more  recent  author,  as  the  Dean 
has  jiroved  :  his  real  name  seems  to  have  been  Heraclitus,  (not 
the  philosopher,)  and  nothing  more  is  known  of  him,  but  that 
Eustathius  often  cites  him  in  his  comment  on  Homer:  the  tract, 
however,  is  elegant  and  agreeable,  and  may  be  read  with  im- 
pi  ovement  and  pleasure. 

t  Proclus,  the  most  learned  philosopher  of  the  fifth  century, 
left  among  other  writings  numerous  comments  on  Plato's  works 
Mill  subsisting,  so  stuffed  with  allegorical  absurdities,  that  few 
who  have  perused  two  periods,  will  have  patience  to  venture 
<m  a  third.  In  this,  he  only  follows  the  example  of  Atticus,  and 
ijiany  others,  whose  interpretations,  as  wild  as  his  own  he  care- 
fully examines.  He  sneers  at  the  famous  Longinus  w.th  much 
contempt,  for  adhering  too  servilely  to  the  literal  meaning  of 
Plato. 

t  Philo  the  Jew  discovered  many  mystical  senses  in  the  Pen- 
tateuch, and  from  him,  perhaps,  Origen  learned  his  anhappy 
knack  of  allegorizing  both  Old  and  Kew  Testament.  This,  in 
justice,  however,  is  due  to  Origen,  that  while  he  is  hunting  after 
abstruse  senses,  he  doth  not  neglect  the  literal,  but  is  sometimes 
bappy  in  his  criticisms 


AUTHOR    OF    HUDIBRAS.  27 

allowed  themselves  to  depart  from  the  obvious  and  literal 
meaning  of  the  text,  which  they  pretend  to  explain. 
Thus  some  have  thought  that  tlie  hero  of  the  piece  was 
intended  to  lepresent  the  parliament,  especially  that  part 
of  it  which  favored  the  Presbyterian  discipline  ;  when 
in  the  stocks,  he  personates  the  Presbyterians  after  they 
had  lost  their  power;  his  first  exploit  is  against  tiie  bear, 
whom  he  routs,  which  represents  the  parliament  getting 
the  better  of  the  king  :  after  this  great  victory,  ho  courts 
a  widow  for  her  jointure,  that  is,  the  riclies  and  power 
of  the  kingdom ;  being  scorned  by  her,  he  retires,  hat 
the  revival  of  hope  to  the  royalists  draws  forth  both 
him  and  his  squire,  a  little  before  Sir  George  Booth's 
insurrection.  Magnano,  Cerdon,  Talgol,  &lc.,  though 
described  as  butchers,  coblers,  tinkers,  were  designed  as 
officers  in  the  parliament  army,  whose  original  profes- 
sions, perhaps,  were  not  much  more  noble :  some  have 
imagined  Magnano  to  be  the  duke  of  Albemarle,  and 
his  getting  thistles  from  a  barren  land,  to  allude  to  his 
power  in  Scotland,  especially  after  the  defeat  of  Booth. 
Trulla  his  wife,  Crowdero  Sir  George  Booth,  whose 
bringing  in  of  Bruin  alludes  to  his  endeavors  to  restore 
the  kiug:  his  oaken  leg,  called  the  better  one,  is  the 
king's  cause,  his  other  leg  the  Presbyterian  discipline ; 
his  fiddle-case,  which  in  sport  they  hung  as  a  trophy 
on  the  whipping-post,  the  directory.  Ralplio,  they  say, 
represents  the  parliament  of  Independents,  called  Bare- 
bones  Parliament ;  Bruin  is  sometimes  the  royal  person, 
sometimes  the  king's  adherents ;  Orsiu  represents  the 
royal  party — Talgol  the  city  of  Loudon — Colon  the 
bulk  of  the  people :  all  these  joining  together  against 
the  knight,  represent  Sir  George  Booth's  conspiracy, 
with  Presbyterians  and  royalists,  against  the  parliament : 
their  overthrow,  through  the  assistance  of  Ralph,  means 
the  defeat  of  Booth  by  the  assistance  of  the  Independ- 
ents and  otiier  fanatics.  These  ideas  are,  perhaps,  only 
the  phrensy  of  a  wild  imagination,  though  there  may  be 
some  lines  that- seem  to  favor  the  conceit. 

Diyden  and  Addison  have  censured  Butler  for  his 
double  rhymes ;  the  latter  nowhere  argues  worse  than 
upon  this  subject:  "If,"  says  he,  "the  thought  in  the 
"  couplet  be  good,  the  rhymes  add  little  to  it ;  and  if 
"  bad,  it  will  not  be  in  the  power  of  rhyme  to  recom- 
"  mend  it.  I  am  afraid  that  great  numbers  of  those 
"  who  admire  the  incomparable  Hudibras,  do  it  more  on 
"  account  of  these  doggerel  rhymes,  than  the  parts  thaJ 


28  ON    SAMUEL    BUTLER,    ESQ., 

"really  deserve  admiration."*  This  reflection  aflecta 
equally  all  sorts  of  rhyme,  which  certaiuly  can  add 
nothing  to  the  sense  ;  but  double  rhymes  are  like  the 
whimsical  dress  of  Harlequin,  which  does  not  add  to 
his  wit,  but  sometimes  increases  the  humor  and  drollery 
of  it :  they  are  not  sought  for,  but,  when  they  come 
easily,  are  always  diverting:  they. are  so  seldom  found 
in  Hudibras,  as  hardly  to  be  an  object  of  censure,  espe- 
cially as  the  diction  and  the  rhyme  both  suit  well  with 
the  character  of  the  hero. 

It  must  be  allowed  that  our  poet  doth  not  exliibit  his 
hero  with  the  dignity  of  Cervantes ;  but  the  principal 
fault  of  the  poem  is,  that  the  parts  are  unconnected, 
and  the  story  not  interesting :  tiie  reader  may  leave  oiF 
without  being  anxious  for  the  fate  of  his  hero  ;  he  sees 
only  disjecta  membra  poetas  ;  but  we  should  remember, 
that  the  parts  were  published  at  long  intervals,!  and 
that  several  of  the  different  cantos  were  designed  as 
satires  on  different  subjects  or  extravagancies.  What 
the  judicious  Abbe  du  Bos  has  said  respecting  Ariosto, 
may  be  true  of  Butler,  that,  in  comparison  with  him. 
Homer  is  a  geometrician :  the  poem  is  seldom  read  a 
second  time,  often  not  a  first  in  regular  order ;  that  is, 
by  passing  from  the  first  canto  to  the  second,  and  so  ou 
in  succession.  Spenser,  Ariosto,  and  Butler,  did  not  live 
in  an  age  of  planning ;  the  last  imitated  the  former 
poets — "  his  poetry  is  the  careless  exuberance  of  a  witty 
"  imagination  and  great  learning." 

Fault  has  likewise  been  found,  and  perhaps  justly, 
with  the  too  frequent  elisions,  the  harshness  of  thb  num- 
bers, and  the  leaving  out  the  signs  of  our  substantives ; 
his  inattention  to  grammar  and  syntax,  which,  in  some 
passages,  may  have  contributed  to  obscure  his  meacing, 
as  the  perplexity  of  others  arises  from  the  amazing  fruit- 
fuhiess  of  his  imagination,  and  extent  of  his  reading. 
Most  writers  have  more  words  than  ideas,  and  the  reader 
wastes  much  pains  with  them,  and  gets  little  informa- 
tion or  amusement.  Butler,  on  the  contrary,  has  more 
ideas  than  words,  his  wit  and  learning  crowd  so  fast 
upon  !iim,  that  he  cannot  find  room  or  time  to  arrange 
them  :  hence  his  periods  become  sometimes  embarreissed 
and  obscure,  and  his  dialogues  are  too  long.  Our  poet 
has  been  charged  with  obscenity,   evil-speaking,  and 

*  Spectator,  No.  CO. 

t  The  Epislle  to  Sidrophel,  not  till  many  years  after  the  canto 
<o  which  it  is  annexed. 


AUTHOR    OF    HUDIBRAS.  2y 

profaneness ;  but  satirists  will  take  liberties.  Juvenal, 
and  that  elegant  poet  Horace,  must  plead  his  cause,  so 
far  as  the  accusation  is  well  founded. 

Some  apology  may  be  necessary,  or  expected,  when 
a  person  advanced  in  years,  and  without  the  proper 
qualifications,  shall  undertake  to  publish,  and  comment 
upon,  one  of  the  most  learned  and  ingenious  writers  in 
our  language  ;  and,  if  the  editor's  true  and  obvious  mo- 
tives will  not  avail  to  excuse  him,  he  must  plead  guilty. 
The  frequent  pleasure  and  amusement  he  had  received 
from  the  perusal  of  the  poem,  naturally  bred  a  respect 
for  the  memory  and  character  of  the  author,  whi.;h  is 
further  endeared  to  him  by  a  local  relation  to  the  coun- 
ty, and  to  the  parish,  so  highly  honored  by  the  birth  of 
Mr.  Butler.  These  considerations  induced  him  to  at- 
tempt an  edition,  more  pompous  perhaps,  and  expensive, 
than  was  necessary,  but  not  too  splendid  for  the  merit 
of  the  work.  While  Shakspeare,  Milton,  Waller,  Pope, 
and  the  rest  of  our  English  classics,  appear  with  every 
advantage  that  either  printing  or  criticism  can  supply, 
why  should  not  Hudibras  share  those  ornaments  at  least 
with  tiiem  which  may  be  derived  from  the  present  im- 
proved state  of  typography  and  paper  ?  Some  of  the 
dark  allusions,  in  Hudibras,  to  history,  voyages,  and  the 
abstruser  parts  of  what  was  then  called  learning,  the 
author  himself  was  careful  to  explain  in  a  series  of  notes 
to  the  first  two  parts ;  for  the  annotations  to  the  third 
part,  as  has  been  before  obsei-ved,  do  not  seem  to  come 
from  the  same  hand.  In  most  other  respects,  the  poem 
may  be  presumed  to  have  been  tolerably  clear  to  the  or- 
dinary class  of  readers  at  its  first  publication :  but,  in  a 
course  of  years,  the  unavoidable  fluctuations  of  language, 
the  disuse  of  customs  then  familiar,  and  the  oblivion 
which  hath  stolen  on  facts  and  characters  then  com- 
monly known,  have  superinduced  an  obscurity  on  seve- 
ral passages  of  tiie  work,  which  did  noU  originally  be- 
long to  it.  The  principal,  if  not  tiie  sole  view,  of  the 
annotations  now  offered  to  the  public,  hath  been  to  re- 
move these  difficulties,  and  point  out  some  of  the  passa- 
ges in  the  Greek  and  Roman  authors  to  which  the  poet 
alludes,  in  order  to  render  Hudibras  more  intelligible  to 
persons  of  the  commentator's  level,  men  of  middling 
capacity,  and  limited  information.  To  such,  if  his  re- 
marks shall  be  found  useful  and  acceptable,  he  will  bo 
content,  though  they  should  appear  trifling  in  the  esti- 
mation of  the  more  learned. 


30  ON    SAMUEL    BUTLER,    ESQ., 

It  is  extraordinary,  that  for  above  a  hundred  and 
twenty  years,  only  one  commentator  hath  furnished 
notes  of  any  considerable  length.  Doctor  Grey  had  va- 
rious friends,  particularly  Bishop  Warburton,  Mr.  Byron, 
and  several  gentlemen  of  Cambridge,  who  communica- 
ted to  him  learned  and  ingenious  observations :  these 
have  been  occasionally  adopted  without  scruple,  have 
been  abridged,  or  enlarged,  or  altered,  as  best  consisted 
with  a  plan,  somewhat  different  from  the  doctor's  ;  but 
in  such  a  manner  as  to  preclude  any  other  than  a  gene- 
ral acknowledgment  from  the  infinite  perplexity  that  a 
minute  and  particular  reference  to  them  at  every  turn, 
would  occasion  ;  nor  has  the  editor  been  without  the  as- 
sistance of  his  friends. 

It  is  well  known  in  Worcestershire,  that  long  before 
the  appearance  of  Doctor  Grey's  edition,  a  learned  and 
worthy  clergyman  of  that  county,  after  reading  Hudi- 
bras  with  attention,  had  compiled  a  set  of  observations, 
with  design  to  reprint  the  poem,  and  to  subjoin  his  own 
remarks.  By  the  friendship  of  his  descendants,  the 
present  publisher  hath  been  favored  with  a  sight  of  those 
papers,  and  though,  in  commenting  on  the  same  work, 
the  annotator  must  unavoidably  have  coincided  with, 
and  been  anticipated  by  Dr.  Grey  in  numerous  instan- 
ces, yet  much  original  infonnation  remained,  of  which 
a  free  and  unreserved  use  hath  been  made  in  the  fol- 
lowing sheets  ;  but  he  is  forbid  any  further  acknowledg- 
ment. 

He  is  likewise  much  obliged  to  Dr.  Loveday,  of  Wil- 
liamscot,  near  Banbury,  the  worthy  son  of  a  worthy 
father ;  the  abilities  and  correctness  of  the  former  can 
be  equalled  only  by  the  learning  and  critical  acumen  of 
the  latter.  He  begs  leave  likewise  to  take  this  opportu- 
nity of  returning  his  thanks  to  his  learned  and  worthy 
neighbor  Mr.  Ingraham,  from  whose  conversation  much 
information  and  entertainment  has  been  received  on 
many  subjects. 

Mr.  Samuel  Westley,  brother  to  the  celebrated  John 
Westley,  had  a  design  of  publishing  an  edition  of  Hudi- 
bras  with  notes.  He  applied  to  Lord  Oxford  for  the  use 
of  his  books  in  his  library,  and  his  Lordship  wrote  him 
the  following  obliging  answer  from  Dover-street,  August 
7,  1734  — "I  am  very  glad  you  was  reduced  to  read 
"  over  Hudibras  three  times  with  care :  I  find  you  are 
"  perfectly  of  my  mind,  that  it  much  wants  notes,  and 
"  that  it  will  be  a  great  work  ;  certainly  it  will  be,  to  do 


AUTHOR    OF    HUDIBRAS.  31 

"  it  as  it  should  be.  I  do  uot  know,  one  so  capable  of 
"  doing  it  as  yourself.  I  speak  this  very  sincerely. 
"  Lilly's  life  I  have,  and  any  books  that  I  have  you 
"  shall  see,  and  have  the  perusal  of  them,  and  any  other 
"  part  that  I  can  assist.  I  own  I  am  very  fond  of  the 
"  woi-k,  and  it  would  be  of  excellent  use  and  entertain- 
"  ment. 

"  The  news  you  read  in  the  papers  of  a  match  with 
"  my  daughter  and  the  Duke  of  Portland  was  completed 
"  at  Mary-le-bonne  chapel,"  &c.* 

What  progress  he  made  in  the  work,  or  what  became 
of  his  notes,  I  could  never  learn. 


*  Extract  of  a  letter  from  Lord  Oxford,  taken  from  original  let- 
ters by  the  Reverend  John  Westley  and  his  friends,  illustrative 
of  his  early  history,  published  by  Joseph  Priestlev.  LL.  D^ 
printed  at  Birmingham  1T91 


PART  I.     CANTO  I 

THE  ARGUMENT. 

Sir  Hudibras*  his  passing  worth 
The  manner  how  he  sally'd  forth ; 
His  arms  and  equipage  are  shown  ; 
His  horse's  virtues  and  his  own. 
Th'  adventure  of  the  bear  and  fiddle 
Is  sung,  but  breaks  off  in  the  middle.t 


*  Butler  probably  took  this  name  from  Spenser's  Fairy  Quoen,, 
B.  ii.  C.  ji.  St.  17. 

He  that  made  love  unto  the  eldest  dame 
Was  hight  Sir  Hudihras,  an  hardy  man  ; 
Yet  not  so  good  of  deeds,  as  gre;.l  of  name, 
Which  he  by  many  rash  adventures  wan, 
Since  errant  arms  to  sew  he  first  began. 

Gcoffrj'  of  Monmouth  mentions  a  British  king  of  this  name, 
though  some  have  supposed  it  derived  from  the  French,  Hugo, 
Hu  de  Bras,  signifying  Hugh  the  powerful,  or  with  the  strong 
arm  :  thus  Fortinl)ras,  Firebras. 

In  the  Grub-street  Journal,  Col.  Rolls,  a  Devonshire  gentle- 
man, is  said  to  be  satirized  under  the  character  of  Hudihras; 
and  it  is  asserted,  that  Hugh  de  Bras  was  the  name  of  the  old 
tutelar  saint  iif  that  county:  but  it  is  idle  to  look  for  personal 
reflections  in  a  poem  designed  for  a  general  satire  on  hypocrisy, 
enthusiasm,  and  false  learning. 

t  Bishop  Warburton  observes  very  justly,  that  tliis  is  a  ridi- 
cule on  Ronsard's  Franciade  and  Sir  VVilliam  Daveuint's  Gcn- 
dibert. 


HUDIBRAS. 


CANTO  T. 

When  civil  fury  first  grew  high,*  » 

And  men  fell  out,  they  knew  not  why  ;t 
When  hard  words,  jealousies,  and  fears,t 
Set  folks  together  by  the  ears, 


*  In  the  first  edition  of  the  first  part  of  this  poem,  printed 
separately,  we  read  dudgeon.  But  on  the  publication  of  the  sec- 
ond part,  when  the  first  was  reprinted  with  several  additions 
and  alterations,  the  word  dudgeon  was  changed  to  fury;  as  ap- 
pears in  a  copy  corrected  by  the  author's  own  hand.  The  pub- 
lisher in  1704,  and  the  subsequent  ones,  have  taken  the  liberty 
of  correcting  the  author's  copy,  restored  the  word  dudgeon,  and 
many  other  readings :  changing  them,  I  think  I  may  say,  for  the 
worse,  in  several  passages.  Indeed,  while  the  Editor  of  1704 
replaces  this  word,  and  contends  for  it,  he  seems  to  show  its  im- 
propriety. "  To  take  in  dudgeon,"  says  he,  "  is  inwardly  to  re- 
"  sent,  a  sort  of  grumbling  in  the  gizzard,  and  what  was  previous 
"  to  actual  fury."  Yet  in  the  next  lines  we  have  men  falling 
out,  set  togetlier  by  the  ears,  and  fighting.  I  doubt  not  but  the 
inconsistency  of  these  expressions  occurred  to  the  author,  and 
induced  him  to  change  the  word,  that  his  sense  might  be  clear, 
and  the  sera  of  his  poem  certain  and  uniforjn. — Dudgeor.  in  its 
primitive  sense,  signifies  a  dagger  ;  and  figuratively,  such  hatred 
and  sullenness  as  occasion  men  to  employ  short  concealed 
weapons.  Some  readers  may  be  fond  of  the  word  dudgeon;  as 
a  burlesque  term,  and  suitable,  as  they  think,  to  the  nature  of 
the  poem :  but  the  judicious  critic  will  observe,  that  the  poet  is 
not  always  in  a  drolling  humor,  and  might  not  think  fit  to  fall 
into  it  in  the  first  line  :  he  chooses  his  words  not  by  the  oddness 
or  uncouthness  of  the  sound,  but  by  the  propriety  of  their  sig- 
nification. Besides,  the  word  dudgeon,  in  the  figurative  sense, 
though  not  in  its  primitive  one,  is  generally  taken  for  a  monoptoJe 
in  the  ablative  case,  to  take  in  dudgeon,  which  might  be  another 
reason  why  the  poet  changed  it  into  fury.     See  line  379. 

t  Dr.  PerrincheiPs  Life  of  Charles  I.  says,  "  There  will  never 
"  be  wanting,  in  any  country,  some  discontented  spirits,  and 
"some  designing  craftsmen  :  but  when  these  confusions  began, 
"  the  more  part  knew  not  wherefore  they  were  come  together." 

X  Hard  words — Probably  the  jargon  and  cant-words  used  by 
the  Presbyterians,  and  other  sectaries.  They  called  themselves 
the  elect,  the  saints,  the  predestinated  :  and  their  opponents 
they  called  Papists,  Prelatists,  ill-designing,  reprobate,  profligatCi 
&c  &c 


34  HUDIBRAS.  [P^kt  i 

And  made  them  fight,  like  mad  or  drunk,  5 

For  dame  Religion  as  for  Punk  ;* 


"In  the  body  politic,  when  the  spiritaal  and  windy  power 
'■  movolh  the  members  of  a  commonwealth,  and  by  strange  and 
"  hard  words  suffocates  their  understanding,  it  must  needs  there- 
"  by  distract  the  people,  and  either  overwhelm  the  common- 
wealth with  oppression,  or  cast  it  into  the  fire  of  a  civil  war  " 

HOBBES. 

Jealovsies — Bishop  Burnet,  in  the  house  of  lords,  on  the  firft 
article  of  the  impeachment  of  Sacheverel,  says,  "  The  true  oc 
"  casion  of  the  war  was  a  jealousy,  that  a  conduct  of  fifteen 
"years  had  given  too  much  ground  for;  and  that  was  still  kept 
"  up  by  a  fatal  train  of  errors  in  every  step."  See  also  the  king's 
speech,  Dec.  2,  1G41. 

And  fears — Of  superstition  and  Popery  in  the  church,  and  of 
arbitrary  power  and  tyranny  in  the  state  :  and  so  prepossessed 
were  many  persons  with  these  fears,  that,  like  the  hero  of  this 
poem,  they  would  imagine  a  bear-baiting  lo  be  a  deep  design 
against  the  religion  and  liberty  of  the  country.  Lord  Clarendon 
tells  us,  that  the  English  were  the  happiest  people  under  the 
sun,  while  the  king  was  undisturbed  in  the  administration  of 
justice  ;  but  a  too  much  felicity  had  made  them  unmanageable 
by  moderate  government ;  a  long  peace  having  softened  almost 
all  the  noblesse  into  court  pleasures,  and  made  the  commoners 
insolent  by  great  plenty. 

King  Charles,  in  the  fourth  year  of  his  reign,  tells  the  lords, 
"  We  have  been  willing  so  far  to  descend  to  the  desires  of  our 
"  good  subjects,  as  fully  to  satisfie  all  moderate  minds,  and  free 
'  them  from  all  just  fears  and  jealousies."  The  words  jealousies 
and  fears,  were  bandied  between  the  king  and  the  parliament  in 
all  their  papers,  before  the  absolute  breaking  out  of  the  war 
They  were  used  by  the  parliament  to  the  king,  in  thetr  petition 
for  the  militia,  March  1,  1G41-2  ;  and  by  the  king  in  his  answer : 
"You  speak  of  jealousies  and  fears,  lay  your  hands  to  your 
"  hearts  and  ask  yourselves,  whether  I  may  not  be  disturbed 
"  with  jealousies  and  fears."  And  the  parliament,  in  their  de- 
claration to  the  king  at  Newmarket,  March  9,  say,  '  Those  fears 
"  and  jealousies  of  ours  which  your  majesty  thinks  to  be  cause- 
'■'  less,  and  without  just  ground,  do  necessarily  and  clearly  arise 
"  from  those  dangers  and  distempers  into  which  your  evil  coun- 
"  cils  have  brought  us  :  but  those  other  fears  and  jealousies  of 
"  yours,  have  no  foundation  or  subsistence  in  any  action,  inten 
'  tion,  or  miscarriage  of  ours,  but  are  merely  grounded  on  false 
'  hood  and  malice." 

The  terms  had  been  ttsed  before  by  the  Earl  of  Carlisle  to 
James  I.,  14  Feb.  1623.  "Nothing  will  more  dishearten  the  en- 
'  vious  maligners  of  your  majesty's  felicity,  and  encourage  your 
"  true-hearted  friends  and  servants,  than  the  removing  those 
"  false  fears  and  jealousies,  which  are  mere  imaginary  phan- 
"  tasms,  and  bodies  of  air  easily  dissipated,  whensoever  it  shall 
"  please  the  sun  of  your  majesty  to  shew  itself  clearly  in  its 
"  native  brightness,  lustre,  and  goodness," 

*  Pxtnk — From  the  Anglo-Saxon  pung ;  it  signifies  a  bawd 
Anus  instar  corii  ad  ignem  siccati.  (Skinner.)  Sometimes  scor 
turn,  scortillum.    Sir  John  Suckling  says, 

Religion  now  is  a  young  mistress  here 

For  which  each  man  will  fight  and  die  at  least: 

Let  it  alone  awhile,  and  'twill  become 


I 


Canto  i.]  HUDIBRAS.  35 

Whose  honesty  they  all  durst  swear  for, 

Tho'  not  a  man  of  them  knew  wherefore 

When  Gospel-Trumpeter,  surrounded 

With  long-ear'd  rout,  to  battle  soimded,*  iO 

And  pulpit,  drum  ecclesiastick. 

Was  beat  with  fist,  instead  of  a  stick  ;t 

Then  did  Sir  Knight  abandon  dwelling, 

And  out  he  rode  a  colonelling.t 

A  Wight  he  was,§  whose  very  sight  wou'd  is 

Entitle  him  Mirror  of  Knight-hood  ;i| 


A  kind  of  married  wife  ;  people  will  be 
Content  to  live  with  it  in  quietness. 

*  Mr.  Butler  told  Thomas  Veal,  esquire,  of  Simons-hall, 
Gloucestershire,  that  the  Puritans  had  a  custom  of  putting  their 
hands  behind  their  ears,  at  sermons,  and  bending  them  forward, 
under  pretence  of  hearing  the  better.  He  had  seen  five  hundred 
or  a  thousand  large  ears  pricked  up  as  soon  as  the  text  was 
named.  Besides,  they  wore  their  hair  very  short,  which  showed 
their  ears  the  more.    See  Godwin's  notes  in  Bodley  library. 

Dr.  Bulwer  in  his  Anthropometamorphosis,  or  Artificial 
Changeling,  tells  us  wonderful  stories  of  the  size  of  men's  ears 
in  some  countries. — Pliny,  lib.  7,  c.  2,  speaks  of  a  people  on  the 
borders  of  India,  who  covered  themselves  with  their  ears.  And 
Purclias,  in  his  Pilgrim,  saith,  that  in  the  island  Arucetto,  there 
are  men  and  women  having  ears  of  such  bigness,  that  they  lie 
upon  one  as  a  bed,  and  cover  themselves  with  the  other. 

I  here  mention  the  idle  tales  of  these  authors,  because  their 
works,  together  with  Brown's  Vulgar  Errors,  are  the  frequent 
object  of  our  poet's  satire. 

t  It  is  sufficiently  known  from  the  historj'  of  those  times,  that 
the  seeds  of  rebellion  were  first  sown,  and  afterwards  cultivated, 
by  the  factious  preachers  in  conventicles,  and  the  seditious  and 
schismatical  lecturers,  who  had  crept  into  many  churches,  es- 
pecially about  London.  "These  men,"  says  Lord  Clarendon, 
"  had,  from  the  beginning  of  the  parliament,  infused  seditious 
"inclinations  into  the  hearts  of  all  men,  against  the  government 
"  in  charch  and  state  :  but  after  the  raising  an  army,  and  reject- 
"  ing  the  king's  overtures  for  peace,  they  contained  themselves 
"within  no  bounds,  but  filled  all  the  pulpits  with  alarms  of  ruin 
"  and  destruction,  if  a  peace  were  offered  or  accepted."  These 
preachers  used  violent  action,  and  made  the  pulpit  an  instru- 
ment of  sedition,  as  the  drum  was  of  war.  Dr.  South,  in  one  of 
his  sermons,  says,  "  The  pulpit  supplied  the  field  with  sword- 
"  men,  and  the  parliament-house  with  incendiaries." 

t  Some  have  imagined  from  hence,  tliat  by  Hudibras,  was  in- 
tended Sir  Samuel  Luke  of  Bedfordshire.  Sir  Samuel  was  an 
active  justice  of  the  peace,  chairman  of  the  quarter  sessions, 
colonel  of  a  regiment  of  foot  in  the  parliament  army,  and  a 
committee-man  of  that  county  :  but  the  poet's  satire  is  general, 
not  personal. 

§  Wight  is  originally  a  Saxon  word,  and  signifies  a  person  or 
f«ing.  It  is  often  used  by  Chaucer,  and  the  old  poets.  Some- 
wmes  it  means  a  witch  or  conjuror. 

II  A  favorite  title  in  romances. 


3e  HUDIBRAS.  [Parti 

That  never  bent  his  stubborn  knee* 
To  any  thing  but  chivalry  ; 
Nor  put  lip  blow,  but  that  which  laid 
Right  vv'orshipful  on  shoulder-blade  :t  30 

Chief  of  domestic  knights,  and  errant, 
Either  for  chartell  or  for  warrant : 
Great  on  the  bench,  great  in  the  saddle, 
That  could  as  well  bind  o'er,  as  swaddle  :§ 
Mighty  he  was  at  both  of  these,  2S 

And  styl'd  of  War  as  well  as  Peace. 
So  some  rats  of  amphibious  nature. 
Are  either  for  the  land  or  water. 
But  here  our  authors  make  a  doubt, 
*--    Whether  he  were  more  wise,  or  stout.|l  30 

Some  hold  the  one,  and  some  the  other ; 
But  howsoe'er  they  make'a  pother, 
The  difF'rence  was  so  small,  his  brain 
Outweigh'd  his  rage  but  half  a  grain  ; 
Which  made  some  take  him  for  a  tool  35 

That  knaves  do  work  with,  call'd  a  Fool ; 
And  ofier'd  to  lay  wagers,  that 
As  Montaigne,  playing  with  his  cat. 


*  Allutling  to  the  Presbyterians,  who  refused  to  kneel  at  the 
Sacrament  of  the  Lord's  Supper,  and  insisted  upon  receiving  it 
In  a  sittine  or  standing  posture.  See  Baxter's  Life,  &c.  &c.  In 
some  of  the  kirks  in  Scotland,  the  pews  are  so  made,  that  it  is 
very  diflicult  for  any  one  to  kneel. 

t  That  is,  did  not  sutler  a  blow  to  pass  unrevenged,  except  the 
one  b"  which  the  king  knighted  him. 

i  Fcr  a  challenge.  He  was  a  militarj'  as  well  as  a  civil  offi- 
cer— 

iuiirepov  /jacriXtu;  t'  ayaObi  Koarcpd;  r'  alxfV'^!- 

II.  iii  ;?!>. 

Pope  translates  it, 

Great  in  the  war,  and  great  in  arts  of  sway. 

//.  iii.  236. 

Plutarch  tells  us,  that  Alexander  the  Great  was  wonderfully 
delighted  with  this  line. 

^  Swaddle. — That  is,  to  beat  or  cudgel,  says  Johnson  ;  but  the 
word  in  the  Sa.von,  signifies  to  bind  up,  to  try  to  heal  by  propel 
bandages  and  applications  :  hence  the  verb  to  swathe,  and  the 
adjective  swaddlivg  clothes  :  the  line  therefore  may  signify,  that 
his  worship  could  either  make  peace,  and  heal  disputes  among 
his  neighbors,  or,  if  they  could  not  agree,  bind  them  over  to  the 
sessions  for  trial. 

II  A  burlesque  on  the  usual  strain  of  rhetorical  flattery,  when 
authors  pretend  to  be  puzzled  which  of  their  patrons'  noblo 
qualities  they  should  give  the  preference  to.  Something  similar 
to  this  passage  is  the  saying  of  Julius  Capitolinus,  concerning 
the  emperor  Verus  ;  "melior  orator  quain  poeta,  aut  ut  verius 
dicam  pejor  poela  qnani  orator  " 


Canto  i.]  HUDIBRAS.  37 

Complains  she  thought  liim  but  au  ass,* 

Much  more  she  wou'd  Sir  Hudibras  :  40 

For  that's  the  name  our  valiant  knight 

To  all  his  challenges  did  write. 

But  they're  mistaken  very  mucli, 

'Tis  plain  enough  he  was  no  such  : 

We  grant,  although  he  had  much  wit,  45 

H'  was  very  shy  of  using  it  ;t 

As  being  loth  to  wear  it  out. 

And  therefore  bore  it  not  about, 

Unless  on  holy-days,  or  so, 

As  men  their  best  apparel  do.  50 

Besides,  'tis  known  he  could  speak  Greek 

As  naturally  as  pigs  squeek  : 

That  Latin  was  no  more^  difficile, 

Than  to  a  blackbird  'tis  to  whistle  : 

Being  rich  in  both,  he  never  scanted  55 

His  bounty  unto  such  as  wanted ; 

But  much  of  either  wou'd  afford 

To  many,  that  had  not  one  word. 

For  Hebrew  roots,  although  they're  found 

To  flourish  most  in  barren  ground,!  60 

He  had  such  plenty,  as  suffic'd 

To  make  some  think  him  circumcis'd  ; 

And  truly  so,  perhaps,  he  was, 

*Tis  many  a  pious  Christian's  case.§ 


*  "When  my  cat  and  I,"  says  Montaigne,  "entertRla  each 
'other  with  mutual  apish  tricks,  as  playing  with  a  garCer,  who 
"  knows  l)Ut  I  make  her  more  sport  than  she  makes  me  1  shall  I 
"  conclude  her  simple,  who  has  her  time  to  begin  or  refuse  sport- 
"  iveness  as  freely  as  I  myself?  Nay,  who  knows  but  she  laughs 
"  at,  and  censures,  my  folly,  for  maiiing  her  sport,  and  pities  me 
"  for  understanding  her  no  better  1"  And  of  animals — "  ils  nous 
"  peuvent  estimer  betes,  comme  nous  les  estimons." 

t  The  poet,  in  depicting  our  knight,  blends  together  his  great 
pretensions,  and  his  real  abilities  ;  giving  him  high  encomiums 
on  his  affected  character,  and  dashing  them  again  with  his  true 
and  natural  imperfections.  He  was  a  pretended  saint,  but  in 
fact  a  very  great  hypocrite  ;  a  great  champion,  though  an  errant 
coward  ;  famed  for  learning,  yet  a  shallow  pedant. 

t  Some  students  in  Hebrew  have  been  very  angry  with  these 
lines,  and  assert,  that  they  have  done  more  to  prevent  the  study 
of  that  language,  than  all  the  professors  have  done  to  promote 
It.  See  a  letter  to  the  printer  of  the  Diary,  dated  January  15. 
1789,  and  signed  John  Ryland.  The  word  for,  here  means, 
»s  to. 

$  In  the  first  editions  this  couplet  was  differently  expre'.setl : 

^nd  truly  so  he  was,  perhaps, 
J^ot  as  a  proselyte,  but  for  claps. 

Many  vulgar,  and  some  indecent  phrases,  were  afl.  t  corrected 


Sd  IIUDIBRAS.  [PARTt 

He  was  in  Logic  a  gi-eat  critic,*  cs 

Profoundly  skill'd  in  Analytic  ; 
He  could  distinguisli,  and  divide 
A  hair  'twixt  south  and  south-west  side  ; 
On  either  side  he  would  dispute, 
Confute,  change  hands,  and  still  confute  ;'f  70 

He'd  undertake  to  prove  by  force 
Of  argument  a  man's  no  horse  ; 
He'd  prove  a  buzzard  is  no  fowl. 
And  that  a  Lord  may  be  an  owl ; 
A  calf  an  Alderman,  a  goose  a  Justice,!  75 

And  roolis  Committee-Men  or  Trustees.^ 
He'd  run  in  debt  by  disputation. 
And  pay  with  ratiocinatioa     r^ 
All  this  by  syllogism  true,  • 
In  mood  and  figure,  he  would  do.  SO 

For  Rhetoric,  he  could  not  ope 
His  mouth,  but  out  there  flew  a  trope : 
And  when  he  happen'd  to  break  off 
i'  th'  middle  of  his  speech,  or  cough, 


by  Mr.  Butler.    And,  indeed,  as  Mr.  Cowley  observes,  in  his  Ode 
on  Wit, 

'tis  just 

The  author  blush,  there,  where  the  reader  must. 

*  In  some  following  lines  the  abuses  of  human  learning  arc 
finely  satirized. 

t  Carneades,  the  academic,  having  one  day  disputed  at  Rome 
very  ccipiously  in  praise  of  justice,  refuted  every  word  on  the 
morrow,  by  a  train  of  contrary  arguments.  Something  similar 
is  said  of  Cardinal  Perron. 

t  A  doggerel  Alexandrine  placed  in  the  first  line  of  the  couplet, 
as  it  is  sometimes  in  heroic  Ale.'jandrines  :  thus  Dryden — 

So  all  the  use  we  make  of  heaven's  discover'd  will. 

■See  his  RHigio  Laid. 

5  A  rook  is  a  well-known  black  bird,  said  by  theglossariststo 
be  comix  ffugivora,  and  supposed  by  them  to  devour  the  grain; 
hence,  by  a  figure,  applied  to  sharpers  and  cheats.  Thus  the 
committee-men  harassed  and  oppressed  tlie  country,  devouring, 
in  an  arbitrary  manner,  the  property  of  those  they  did  not  like, 
and  this  under  the  authority  of  parliament.  Trustees  are  often 
mentioned  by  our  poet.    See  p.  3,  c.  1,  1.  1516. 

In  Scobel's  collection  is  an  ordinance,  1649,  for  the  sale  of  the 
royal  lands  in  order  to  pay  the  army;  the  common  soldiers  pur- 
chasing by  regiments,  like  corporations,  and  liaving  trustees  fol 
the  whole.  These  trustees  either  purcliased  the  soldiers'  shares 
at  a  very  small  price,  or  sometimes  cheated  the  officers  and  sol- 
diers, by  detaining  these  trust  estates  for  their  own  use.  The 
same  happened  often  with  regard  to  the  church  lands :  but  13 
Ch.  II.  an  act  passed  for  restoring  all  advowsons,  glebe-lands 
and  tythes,  &c.  to  his  majesty's  loyal  subjects. 


Ooto  I.]  HUDIBRAS.  39 

H'  had  hard  words,  ready  to  shew  why  85 

A.nd  tell  what  rules  he  did  it  by.* 

Else,  when  with  greatest  art  he  spoke, 

i^ou'd  think  he  talk'd  like  other  folk. 

For  all  a  Rhetorician's  rules 

Teach  nothing  but  to  name  his  tools.  90 

His  ordinary  rate  of  speech 

[n  loftiness  of  sound  was  rich  ; 

A.  Babylonish  dialect. 

Which  learned  pedants  much  affect ; 

It  was  a  partl-color'd  dress  93 

Of  patch'd  and  piebald  languages  : 

'Twas  English  cut  on  Greek  and  Latin, 

Like  fustian  heretofore  on  satin.t 

It  had  an  odd  promiseuous  tone 

As  if  h'  had  talk'd  three  parts  in  one  ;  lOO 

Which  made  some  think,  when  he  did  gabble, 

Th'  had  heard  three  laborers  of  Babel  ;J 

Or  Cerberus  himself  pronounce 

A  leash  of  languages  at  once.§ 

This  he  as  volubly  would  vent  105 

As  if  his  stock  would  ne'er  be  spent : 

*  i.  e.  Aposinpesis — Quos  ego — sad  motes,  &c. 
Or  cough. — The  preachers  of  those  days,  looked  upon  cough- 
ing and  hemming  as  ornaments  of  speech  ;  and  when  they 
printed  their  sermons,  noted  in  the  margin  where  the  preacher 
coughed  or  henim'd.  This  practice  was  not  confined  to  Eng- 
land, for  Olivier  Waillard,  a  Cordelier,  and  famous  preacher 
printed  a  sermon  at  Brussels  in  the  year  1500,  and  marked  in  the 
margin  where  the  preacher  hemui'd  once  or  twice,  or  coughed. 
See  the  French  notes. 

t  The  slashed  sleeves  and  hose  may  he  seen  in  the  pictures 
of  Dobson,  Vandyke,  and  others ;  but  one  would  conjecture  from 
the  word  heretofore,  that  they  were  not  in  common  wear  in  our 
poet's  time. 
{  In  Dr.  Donne's  Satires,  by  Pope,  we  read, 

You  prove  yourself  so  able, 
Pity !  you  were  not  Druggerman  at  Babel ; 
For  had  they  found  a  linguist  half  so  good 
I  make  no  question  but  tlie  tower  had  stood. 

^  "  Our  Borderers,  to  this  day,  speak  a  leash  of  langtiages 
"  (British,  Saxon,  and  Danish)  in  one :  and  it  is  hard  to  determine 
"  which  of  those  three  nations  has  the  greatest  share  in  the 
"  motley  breed."  Camden's  Britannia — Cumberland,  p.  1010. 
Butler,  in  his  character  of  a  lawyer,  p.  107, — says,  "he  overruns 
"  Iiatin  and  French  with  greater  barbarism  than  the  Goths  did 
"Italy  and  France;  and  maices  as  mad  a  confusion  of  language, 
"  hy  mixing  both  with  English."  Statins,  rather  ridiculously, 
.utroduces  Janus  haranguin-;  and  complimenting  Domitian  with 
Doth  his  mouths, 

levat  ecce,  supinas 
Hinc  atque  Inde  manus,  geminique  hsec  voce  profatur. 


40  HUDIBRAS.  [Part 

And  truly,  to  support  that  charge, 

He  had  supphes  as  Vast  and  large 

For  he  could  coin,  or  counterfeit 

New  words  with  little  or  no  wit:*  llC 

Words  so  debas'd  and  hard,  no  stone 

Was  hard  enough  to  touch  them  on  ;+ 

And  when  with  hasty  noise  he  spoke'em, 

The  ignorant  fur  current  took'em. 

That  had  the  orator,  who  once  115 

Did  fill  his  mouth  with  pebble  stones 

When  he  harangu'd,  but  known  his  phrase. 

He  would  have  us'd  no  other  ways.t 

In  Mathematics  he  was  greater 
Than  Tycho  Brahe,  or  Erra  Pater  :§  120 

For  he,  by  geometric  scale, 
Could  take  the  size  of  pots  of  ale  ; 
Resolve,  by  sines  and  tangents  straight, 
If  bread  or  butter  wanted  weight  ;|| 
And  wisely  tell  what  hour  o'  th'  day  125 

The  clock  does  strike,  by  Algebra. 

Beside,  he  was  a  shrewd  Pliilosopher, 
And  had  read  ev'ry  text  and  gloss  over: 
Whate'er  the  crabbed"st  author  hath, IT 
He  understood  b'  implicit  faith  :  130 

Whatever  Skeptic  could  inquire  for ; 
For  every  why  he  had  a  wherefore  :** 
Knew  more  than  forty  of  them  do, 
As  far  as  words  and  terms  could  go. 


*  The  Presbyterians  coined  and  composed  many  new  words, 
such  as  out  goings,  carryings-on,  nothingness,  worliings-out,  gos 
pel-walking  times,  secret  ones,  &c.  &c- 

t  This  seems  to  be  the  risht  reading;  and  alludes  to  the 
touchstone.  Though  Bishop  Warburton  conjectures,  that  tona 
ought  to  be  read  here  instead  of  stone. 

t  These  four  lines  are  not  found  in  the  first  two  editions. 
They  allude  to  the  well-known  story  of  Demosthenes. 

§  Erra  Paler  is  the  nickname  of  some  ignorant  astrologer.  A 
little  paltry  book  of  the  rules  of  Erra  Pater  is  still  vended  among 
the  vulgar.  I  do  not  think  that  by  Erra  Pater,  the  poet  meant 
William  Lilly,  but  some  contemptible  person,  to  oppose  to  the 
great  Tycho  Brahe.  Anticlima.x  was  Butler's  favorite  figure, 
and  one  great  machine  of  his  drollery. 

II  He  could,  by  trigonometry,  discover  the  exact  dimensions  of 
a  loaf  of  bread,  or  roll  of  butter.  The  poet  likevfise  intimates 
that  his  hero  was  an  over-officious  magistrate,  seirrching  out 
little  offences,  and  levying  fines  and  forfeitures  upon  them.  See 
Talgnl's  speech  in  the  next  canto. 

Tf  If  any  copv  would  warrant  it,  I  should  read  "author  saith." 

•*  That  is,  he  could  elude  one  difficulty  by  proposing  another 
m  answer  one  question  l>y  proposing  another. 


Canto  i.]  IIUDIBRAS  41 

All  which  he  understood  by  rote,  135 

And,  as  occasion  serv'd,  would  quote  ; 
No  matter  whether  right  or  wrong. 
They  might  be  either  said  or  sung. 
His  notions  fitted  things  so  well, 
That  wliich  was  which  he  could  not  tell  ;*  140 

But  oftentimes  mistook  the  one 
.  For  th'  other,  as  great  clerks  have  done. 
He  could  reduce  all  things  to  acts, 
And  knew  their  natures  by  abstracts  ;t 
Where  entity  and  quiddity,  145 

The  ghost  of  defunct  bodies  fly  ;t 
Where  Truth  in  person  does  appear,^ 
Like  words  congeal'd  in  northern  air.  || 
He  knew  what's  what,  and  that's  as  high 
As  metaphysic  wit  can  fly.lT  150 

In  school-divinity  as  able 
As  he  that  hight  irrefragable  ;** 

*  He  had  a  jumble  of  many  confused  notions  in  his  head, 
which  he  could  not  apply  to  any  useful  purpose  :  or  perhaps  the 
poet  alludes  to  those  philosophers  who  took  their  ideas  of  sub- 
stances to  be  the  combinations  of  nature,  and  not  the  arbitrary 
wnrkmansliip  of  the  hiiiimn  mind. 

t  A  tiling  is  in  potentia,  when  It  is  possible,  but  does  not 
actually  exist ;  a  thing  is  in  act,  wlien  it  is  not  only  possible,  but 
does  e.xist.  A  thing  is  said  to  be  reduced  from  power  into  act, 
when  that  whicli  was  oi»ly  possible,  begins  really  to  exist:  how 
far  we  can  know  the  nature  of  things  by  abstracts,  has  long  been 
a  dispute.  See  Locke's  Essay  on  the  Human  Understanding; 
and  consult  the  old  metaphysicians  if  you  think  it  worth  while 

t  A  fine  satire  upon  tiie  abstracted  notions  of  the  metaphy- 
sicians, calling  the  metaphysical  natures  the  gliosts  or  shadows 
of  retil  substances. 

§  Some  authors  have  mistaken  truth  for  a  real  thing  or  person, 
w  hereas  it  is  nothing  but  a  right  method  of  putting  those  notions 
or  images  of  things  (in  the  understanding  of  man)  into  the  same 
state  and  order,  that  their  originals  hold  in  nature.  Thus  Aris- 
totle, Met.  lib.  2.  Unumquodque  sicut  se  habel  secundum  esse, 
ita  se  habet  secund'.un  veritatem. 

II  See  Ilabelais's  Pantagriiel,  livre  4,  ch.  56,  which  hint  is 
Improved  and  drawn  into  a  p.iper  in  the  Tatler,  No.  254.  In 
Rabelais,  Pantagruel  throws  upon  deck  three  or  four  handfuls 
of  frozen  words,  il  en  jucta  siis  le  tillac  trois  ou  quatre  poignees  : 
et  y  veids  des  parolles  bien  piquantes. 

ir  The  jest  here  is,  giving,  by  a  low  and  vulgar  expression,  an 
apt  description  of  the  science.  In  the  old  systems  of  logic,  quid 
est  quid  was  a  common  question. 

••!.*  Two  lines  originally  followed  in  this  place,  which  were 
afterwards  omitted  by  the  author  in  his  corrected  copy,  viz 
A  second  Thomas  ;  or  at  once. 
To  name  them  all,  another  Duns 

Perhaps,  upon  recollection,  he  thought  this  great  man,  Aquinas, 
deserving  of  bettor  treatment,  or  perhaps  he  was  ashamed  of  the 
pun.    However,  as  the  passage  no«  stands,  it  is  an  inimitabls 


43  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  >, 

A  second  Thomas,  or  at  once, 

To  name  them  all,  another  Duns : 

Profound  in  all  the  nominal,  155 

And  real  ways,  beyond  them  till ; 

And,  with  as  delicate  a  hand, 

Could  twist  as  tough  a  rope  of  sand  ;* 

And  weave  fine  cobwebs,  fit  for  scull 

That's  empty  when  the  moon  is  full  ;t  16D 

Such  as  take  lodgings  in  a  head 

That's  to  be  let  unfurnished. 

He  could  raise  scruples  dark  and  nice, 

And  after  solve  'em  in  a  trice ; 

As  if  Divinity  had  calch'd  165 

The  itch,  on  purpose  to  be  scratch'd ; 

Or,  like  a  mountebank,  did  wound 

And  stab  herself  with  doubts  profound, 

Only  to  show  with  how  small  pain 

The  sores  of  Faith  are  cur'd  again  ;  170 

Altho'  by  woful  proof  we  find. 

They  always  leave  a  scar  behind. 

He  knew  the  seat  of  Paradise, 

Could  tell  in  what  degree  it  lies  ;t 

satire  upon  the  old  school  divines,  who  were  mat  y  of  them 
honored  with  some  extravagant  epithet,  and  as  vrell  known 
by  it  as  by  their  proper  names:  thn»  Alexander  Hales,  was 
called  doctor  irrefragable,  or  invincible  ;  Thomas  Aquinas,  the 
angelic  doctor,  or  eagle  of  divines  ;  Dun  Scotus,  the  s.ibtle  doctor. 
This  last  was  father  of  tlie  Reals,  and  William  Ocham  of  the 
Nominals.  They  were  both  of  Merton  college  in  Oxford,  where 
they  gave  rise  to  an  odd  custom.  See  Plott's  Oxfordshire,  page 
285. — Hight,  a  Saxon  and  Old  English  participle  passive,  signi 
fying  called. 

*  A  proverbial  saying,  when  men  lose  their  labor  by  busying 
themselves  in  trifles,  or  attempting  things  impossible. 

t  That  is,  subtle  questions  or  foolish  conceits,  fit  for  the  brain 
of  a  madman  or  lunatic. 

t  "  Paradisum  lucum  diu  multumque  quaisitura  per  terraram 
"  orbem  ;  neque  tantum  per  lerrarum  orbem,  sed  etiam  in  aere, 
"  in  luna,  et  ad  tertium  usque  coelum."  Burnett.  Tell.  Theor.  1. 
2,  Cap.  7.  "  Well  may  I  wonder  at  the  notions  of  some  learned 
"  men  concerning  the  garden  of  Eden ;  some  affirming  it  to  be 
"above  the  moon,  others  above  the  air  ;  some  that  it  is  in  the 
"  whole  world,  others  only  a  part  of  the  north  ;  some  thinking 
"that  it  was  nowhere,  whilst  others  supposed  it  to  be,  God 
"  knows  where,  in  the  West  Indies  ;  and,  for  ought  I  know.  Sir 
"  John  Mandeville's  story  of  it  may  be  as  good  as  any  of  them." 
Foulis's  History  of  Plots,  fol.  p.  171.  "  Otrebius,  in  a  tract  de 
"  Vita,  Morte,  et  Resurrectione,  would  persuade  us,  that  doubtless 
"  the  Kosicrucians  are  in  paradise,  which  place  he  seateth  near 
"  unto  the  region  of  the  moon."  Olaus  Rudbeckius,  a  Swede, 
in  a  very  scarce  book,  entitled  Atlantica  sive  Man/ieim,  4  vol. 
fol.,  out  of  zeal  for  (he  honor  of  his  country,  has  endeavored  to 
prove  that  Sweden  was  the  real  paradise.    The  learned  Huet 


Canto  i.]  HUDIBRAS.  43 

And,  as  he  was  dispos'd,  could  prove  it,  i75 

Below  the  moon,  or  else  above  it : 

What  Adam  dreamt  of  when  his  bride 

Came  from  her  closet  in  his  side  : 

Whether  the  devil  tempted  her 

By  an  High-Dutch  interpreter  :*  180 

If  either  of  them  had  a  navel  ;t 


bishop  of  Avranches,  wrote  an  express  treatise  De  Situ  ?aradisi 
Terrestris,  bat  not  published  till  after  our  poet's  death,  (1691.) 
He  yives  a  map  of  Paradise,  and  says,  it  is  situated  upon  the 
canal  formed  by  the  Tigris  and  Euplirates,  after  they  have  joined 
near  Apamea,  between  the  place  where  they  join  and  that 
where  they  separate,  in  order  to  fall  into  the  Pef«ian  gulf,  on  the 
eastern  side  of  the  south  branch  of  the  great  circuit  which  this 
river  makes  towards  the  west,  marked  in  the  maps  of  Ptolemy, 
near  Aracca,  about  3-2  degrees  39  minutes  north  latitude,  and  80 
degrees  10  minutes  east  longitude.  Thus  wild  and  various 
have  been  the  conjectures  concerning  the  seat  of  Paradise ;  but 
we  must  leave  this  point  undetermined,  till  we  are  better  ac- 
quainted with  the  antediluvian  world,  and  know  what  altera- 
tions the  flood  made  upon  the  face  of  the  earth. 

Mahomet  is  said  to  have  assured  his  followers,  that  paradise 
was  seated  in  heaven,  and  that  Adam  was  cast  down  from 
thence  when  he  transgressed:  on  the  contrary,  a  learned  prelate 
of  our  own  time,  supposes  that  our  first  parents  were  placed  in 
paradise  as  a  reward  :  for  he  says, 

"God  (as  we  must  needs  conclude)  having  tried  Adam  in  the 
"state  of  nature,  and  approved  of  the  good  use  he  had  made  of 
"  his  free  will  under  the  direction  of  that  light,  advanced  him  to 
"a  superior  station  in  paradise.  How  long  before  this  remove, 
"  man  had  continued  subject  to  natural  religion  alone,  we  can 
"only  guess.  But  of  this  we  may  be  assured,  that  it  was  some 
"considerable  time  before  the  garden  of  Eden  could  naturally  be 
''  made  fit  for  his  reception." — See  Warburton's  Works:  Divine 
Legation,  vol.  iii.  p.  634.  And  again:  "This  natural  state 
"of  man,  antecedent  to  the  paradisaical,  can  never  be  too  care- 
" fully  kept  in  mii:d,  nor  too  precisely  explained;  since  it  is  the 
'  very  key  or  clue  (as  we  shall  find  in  the  progress  of  this  work) 
''  which  is  open  to  us,  to  lead  us  through  aU  the  recesses  and 
"  intimacies  of  the  last  and  completed  dispensation  of  God  to 
"  man  ;  a  dispensation  long  become  intricate  .and  perplexed,  by 
"men's  neglecting  to  distinguish  these  two  states  or  conditions; 
"which,  as  we  say,  if  not  constantly  kept  in  mind,  the  Gospel 
"can  neither  be  well  understood,  nor  reasonably  supported." — 
Div.  Leg.  vol.  ii;.  p.  626,  4to. 

*  Johannes  Goropius  Becanus,  a  man  very  learned,  and  phy 
sician  to  Mary  Queen  of  Hungary,  sister  to  the  Emperor  Charles 
v.,  maintained  the  Teutonic  to  be  the  first,  and  most  ancient 
language  in  the  world.  Verstegan  thinks  the  Teutonic  not  older 
than  the  tower  of  Babel.    Decayed  Intelligence,  ch.  7. 

t  "Over  one  of  the  doors  of  the  King's  antechamber  at  St 
"James's,  is  a  picture  of  Adam  and  Eve,  which  formerly  hung 
"in  the  gallery  at  Whitehall,  thence  called  the  Adam  and  Eve 
"Gallery.  Evelyn,  in  the  preface  to  his  Idea  of  the  Perfection 
"of  Painting,  mentions  this  picture,  painted  by  Malvagius,  as  he 
"  calls  him,  (John  Mabuse,  of  a  little  town  of  the  same  name  in 
•  Hiinault,)  and  objects  to  the  absurdity  of  representing  Adam 


44  HUDIBRA&  [Fart  j 

Whc  first  made  music  malleable:  * 

Whether  the  serpent,  at  the  fall, 

Had  cloven  feet,  or  none  at  all.t 

All  this  without  a  gloss,  or  comment,  ISS 

He  could  unriddle  in  a  moment. 

In  proper  terms,  such  as  men  smatter, 

When  they  throw  out  and  miss  the  matter. 

For  his  Religion,  it  was  fit 
To  match  his  learning  and  his  wit :  190 

'Twas  Presbyterian,  true  blue,t 
For  he  was  of  that  stubborn  crew 
Of  errant§  saints,  whom  all  men  grant 
To  be  the  true  church  militant  :|1 
Such  as  do  build  their  faith  upon  195 

The  holy  text  of  pike  and  gun  ;^ 
Decide  all  controversy  by 
Infallible  artillery ; 
And  prove  their  doctrine  orthodox 
By  apostolic  blows,  and  knocks  ;  200 

Call  fire,  and  sword,  and  desolation, 
A  godly-thorough-Reformation,** 


"and  Eve  with  navels,  and  a  fountain  of  carved  imagery  in 
"  Par;uUse.  The  latter  remark  is  just ;  the  former  is  only  wor- 
"thy  of  a  critical  man-midwife."  VValpole's  Anecdotes  of 
Painting.  Henry  VII.  vol.  i.  p.  50.  Dr.  Brown  has  the  fifth 
chapter  of  the  fifth  book  of  his  Vulgar  Errors,  expressly  on  this 
subject,  "  Of  the  Picture  of  Adam  and  Eve  with  Navels." 

*  This  relates  to  the  idea  that  music  was  first  invented  by  Py 
Ihagoras,  on  hearing  a  blacksmith  strike  his  anvil  with  a  ham- 
mer— a  story  which  has  been  frequently  ridiculed. 

t  That  curse  upon  the  serpent  "  on  thy  belly  shall  thou  go," 
seems  to  imply  a  deprivation  of  what  he  enjoyed  before ;  it  has 
been  thought  that  the  serpent  had  feet  at  first.  So  Basil  says, 
he  went  erect  like  a  man,  and  had  the  use  of  speech  before  the 
fall. 

i  Alluding  to  the  proverb— "  true  blue  will  never  stain:" 
representing  the  stubbornness  of  the  party,  which  made  them 
deaf  to  reason,  and  incapable  of  conviction. 

§  The  poet  uses  the  word  errant  with  a  double  meaning; 
without  doubt  in  allusion  to  knights  errant  in  romances:  and 
likewise  to  the  bad  sense  in  which  the  word  is  used,  as,  an  errant 
knave,  an  errant  villain. 

II  The  church  on  earth  is  called  militant,  as  struggling  with 
temptations,  and  subject  to  persecutions:  but  the  Presbyterians 
of  those  days  were  literally  the  church  militant,  fighting  with 
the  establishment,  and  all  that  opposed  them. 

IT  Cornet  Joyce,  when  he  carried  away  the  king  from  Ilolden- 
by,  being  desired  by  his  majesty  to  show  his  instructions,  drew 
up  his  troop  in  the  inward  court,  and  said,  "These,  sir,  are  my 
Instructions." 

**  How  far  the  character  here  given  of  the  Presbyterians  is  a 
true  one,  I  leave  others  to  guess.  When  they  have  not  had  the 
upper  hand,  they  certainly  have  been  friends  to  mildness  and 


Canto  i.j  HUDIBRAS.  45 

Which  always  must  be  cangr'd  on, 
And  still  bo  doing,  never  done 

As  if  Religion  were  intended  9QS 

For  nothing  else  but  to  be  mended. 
A  sect,  whose  chierdevotion  lies 
In  odd  perverse  antipathies  :* 
In  falling  out  with  that  or  this, 

And  finding  somewhat  still  amiss  :t  210 

More  peevish,  cross,  and  splenetic. 
Than  dog  distract,  or  monkey  sick. 
That  with  more  care  keep  holy-day 
The  wrong,  than  others  tl^  ■right  way  :t 
Compound  for  sins  they  are  inclin'd  to,  SM 

-    By  damning  those  they  have  no  mind  to : 
Still  so  perverse  and  opposite, 
As  if  they  worshipp'd  God  for  spite. 
The  self-same  thing  they  will  abhor. 
One  way,  and  long  another  for.  320 

Free-will  they  one  way  disavow, 
Another,  nothing  else  allow. § 
All  piety  consists  therein 
In  them,  in  other  men  all  sin.|| 

Rather  than  fail,  they  will  defy  225 

That  which  they  love  most  tenderly  ; 
Quarrel  with  minc'd  pies,ir  and  disparage 

moderation :  but  Dr.  Grey  produces  passages  from  some  of  their 
violent  and  absurd  writers,  which  made  him  think  that  they 
had  a  strong  spirit  of  persecution  at  the  bottom. 

Some  of  our  brave  ancestors  said  of  the  Romans,  "  Ubi  soU- 
"  tudinem  faciunt,  paceni  appellant."  Tacitus,  Vita  Agricol.  30. 

*  In  all  great  quarrels,  the  parties  are  apt  to  take  pleasure  in 
contradicting  each  other,  even  in  the  most  trifling  matters.  The 
Presbyterians  reckoned  it  sinful  to  eat  phim-porndge,  or  minced 
pies,  at  Christmas.  The  cavaliers  observing  the  formal  carriage 
of  their  adversaries,  fell  into  the  opposite  extreme,  and  ate  and 
drank  plentifully  every«day,  especially  after  the  restoration. 

t  dueen  Elizabeth  was  often  heard  to  say,  that  she  knew 
very  well  what  would  content  the  Catholics,  but  that  she  never 
could  learn  what  would  content  the  Puritans. 

t  In  the  year  1645,  Christmas-day  was  ordered  to  be  observed 
as  a  fast :  and  Oliver,  when  protector,  was  feasted  by  the  lord 
mayor  on  Ash-Wednesday.  When  James  the  First  desired  the 
magistrates  of  Edinburgh  to  feast  the  French  ambassadors  before 
their  retura  to  France,  the  ministers  proclanned  a  fast  to  be  kept 
the  same  day. 

§  As  maintaining  absolute  predestination,  and  denying  the 
liberty  of  man's  will :  at  the  same  time  contending  for  absolute 
freedom  in  rites  and  ceremonies,  and  the  discipline  of  the  church. 

li  They  themselves  being  the  elect,  and  so  incapable  of  sin- 
ning, and  all  others  being  reprobates,  and  therefore  not  capable 
of  performing  any  good  action. 

V  "A  sort  of  inquisition  was  set  up,  against  the  food  whicb 


46  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  . 

Their  best  and  dearest  friend — plum-porridge  ; 

Fat  pig  and  goose  itself  oppose, 

And  blaspheme  custard  through  the  nose.  230 

Th'  apostles  of  this  fierce  religion, 

Like  Mahomet's,  were  ass  and  widgeon,* 

To  whom  our  knight,  by  fast  instinct 

Of  wit  and  temper,  was  so  linkt, 

As  if  hypocrisy  and  nonsense  235 

Had  got  th'  advowson  of  his  conscience. 

Thus  was  he  gifted  and  accouter'd. 
We  mean  on  th'  inside,  not  the  outward : 
That  next  of  all  we  shall  discuss  ; 
Then  listen,  Sirs,  it  foUoweth  thus  :  240 

His  tawny  beard  was  th'  equal  grace 
Both  of  his  wisdom  and  his  face  ; 
In  cut  and  dye  so  like  a  tile, 
A  sudden  view  it  would  beguile  : 
The  upper  part  thereof  was  whey,  245 

The  nether  orange,  mixt  with  grey. 
This  hairy  meteor  did  denounce 
The  fall  of  sceptres  and  of  crowns  ;t 

had  "  been  customarily  in  use  at  this  season."    Blackall's  Ser 
men  on  Christmas-day. 

*  Mahomet  tells  us,  in  the  Koran,  that  the  Angel  Gabriel 
brought  to  hin)  a  milk-white  beast,  called  Alborach,  something 
like  an  ass,  but  bigger,  to  carry  him  to  the  presence  of  God. 
Alborach  refused  to  let  him  get  up,  unless  he  would  promise  to 
procure  him  an  entrance  into  paradise:  which  Mahomet  pro- 
mising, he  got  up.  Mahomet  is  also  said  to  have  had  a  tame 
pigeon,  which  he  taught  secretly  to  eat  out  of  his  ear,  to  make 
his  followers  believe,  that  by  means  of  this  bird  there  were  im- 
parted to  him  some  divine  communications.  Our  poet  calls  it  a 
widgeon,  for  the  sake  of  equivoque  ;  widgeon  in  the  figurative 
sense,  signifying  a  foolish  silly  fellow.  It  is  usual  to  say  of 
such  a  person,  that  he  is  as  wise  as  a  widgeon  :  and  a  drinking 
song  has  these  lines. — 

Mahomet  was  no  divine,  but  a  senseless  widgeon, 
To  forbid  the  use  of  wine  to  those  of  his  religion. 

Widgeon  and  weaver,  says  Jlr.  Ray,  in  his  Philosophical  Let- 
ters, are  male  and  female  sex. 

"There  are  still  a  multitude  of  doves  about  IMecca  preserved 
"  and  fed  there  with  great  care  and  superstition,  being  thought 
"  to  be  of  the  breed  of  that  dove  which  spake  in  the  ear  of  Ma 
"  homet."    Sandys'  Travels. 

t  Alluding  to  the  vulgar  opinion,  that  comets  are  always 
predictive  of  some  public  calamity. 

Et  nunquam  coelo  spectatuin  impune  cometen. 

Pliny  calls  a  comet  crinita. 

Mr.  Butler  in  his  Genuine  Remains,  vol.  i.  p.  54.  says, 

Which  way  the  dreadful  comet  went 
In  sixty-four,  and  what  it  meant? 


Canto  i.J  HUDIBRAS  47 

With  grisly  type  did  represent 

Declining  age  of  government,  250 

And  tell,  with  hieroglyphic  spade. 

Its  own  grave  and  the  state's  were  made. 

Like  Sampson's  heart-breslkers,  it  grew 

In  time  to  make  a  nation  rue  ;* 

Tho'  it  contributed  its  own  fall,  255 

To  wait  upon  the  public  downfall  :t 

It  was  canonic, t  and  did  grow 

la  holy  orders  by  strict  vow  :§ 


What  Nations  yet  are  to  bewail 

The  operations  of  its  tail : 

Or  whether  France  or  Holland  yet, 

Or  Germany,  be  in  its  debt"? 

What  wars  and  plagues  in  Christendom 

Have  happen'd  since,  and  what  to  come  1 

What  kings  are  dead,  how  many  queens 

And  princesses  are  poison'd  since  1 

And  who  shall  next  of  all  by  turn, 

Make  courts  wear  black,  and  tradesmen  mourn  ? 

And  when  again  shall  lay  embargo 

Upon  the  admiral,  the  good  ship  Argo. 

Homer,  as  translated  by  Pope,  Iliad  iv.  434,  says, 

While  dreadful  comets  glaring  from  afar. 
Forewarn' d  the  horrors  of  the  Thehau  war. 

*  Heart-breakers  were  particular  curls  worn  by  the  ladies,  ana 
sometimes  by  men.  Sampson's  strength  consisted  in  his  haU; 
when  that  was  cut  oft",  he  was  taken  prisoner;  when  it  f^rew 
again,  he  was  able  to  pull  down  the  house,  and  destroy  liis  ene- 
mies.   See  Judges,  cap.  xvi. 

t  Many  of  the  Presbyterians  and  Independents  swore  not  to 
cut  their  beards,  not,  like  Mephibosheth,  till  the  king  was  re- 
stored, but  till  monarchy  and  episcopacy  were  ruined.  Such 
vows  were  common  among  the  barbaroiis  nations,  especially  the 
Germans.  Civilis,  as  we  learn  from  Tacitus,  having  des-troyed 
the  Roman  legions,  cut  his  hair,  which  he  had  vowed  to  \et  grow 
from  his  tirst  taking  up  arms.  And  it  became  at  length  a  na- 
tional custom  among  some  of  the  Germans,  never  to  turn  their 
liair,  or  their  beards,  till  they  had  killed  an  enemy. 

1  The  latter  editions,  for  canonic,  read  monastic. 

^  This  line  would  make  one  think,  that  in  the  preceding  ono 
we  ought  to  read  monastic ;  though  the  vow  of  not  sh wing  the 
beard  till  some  particular  event  happened,  was  not  uncommon 
In  those  times.  In  a  humorous  poem,  falsely  ascribed  to  Mr. 
Butler,  entitled.  The  Cobler  and  Vicar  of  Bray,  we  read. 

This  worthy  knight  was  one  that  swore 

He  would  not  cut  his  beard, 
Till  this  ungodly  nation  was 

From  kings  and  bishops  clear'd. 

Which  holy  vow  he  firmly  kept, 

And  most  devoutly  wore 
A  grisly  meteor  on  his  face, 

Till  they  were  lioth  no  more 


48  HUDIBRAS.  lPart  i 

Of  rule  as  sullen  and  severe 

As  that  of  rigid  Cordeliere  :*  269 

'Twas  bound  to  suffer  persecution 

And  martyrdom  with  resolution  ; 

T'  oppose  itself  against  the  hate 

And  vengeance  of  th'  incensed  state :  ' 

In  whose  defiance  it  was  worn,  S6i 

Still  ready  to  be  puU'd  and  torn, 

With  red-hot  irons  to  be  tortur'd, 

Revil'd,  and  spit  upon,  and  martyr'd: 

Maugre  all  which,  'twas  to  stand  fast, 

As  long  as  monarchy  should  last ;  270 

But  when  the  state  sJiould  hap  to  reel, 

'Twas  to  submit  to  fatal  steel, 

And  fall,  as  it  was  consecrate, 

A  sacrifice  to  fall  of  state ; 

Whose  thread  of  life  the  fatal  sisters  275 

Did  twist  together  with  its  whiskers, 

And  twine  so  close,  that  Time  should  never, 

In  life  or  death,  their  fortunes  sever  ; 

But  with  his  rusty  sickle  mow 

Both  down  together  at  a  blow.'  380 

So  learned  Taliacotius,  from 

The  brawny  part  of  porter's  bum. 

Cut  supplemental  noses,  which 

Would  last  as  long  as  parent  breech  :t 


*  An  order  so  called  in  France,  from  the  knotted  cord  which 
they  wore  about  their  luiddles.  In  England  they  were  named 
Grey  Friars,  and  were  tlie  strictest  branch  of  the  Franciscans. 

t  Taliacotius  was  professor  of  physic  and  surgery  at  Bologna, 
where  he  was  born,  1553.  His  treatise  is  well  known.  He  says, 
the  operation  has  been  practised  by  others  before  Kim  with  suc- 
cess. See  a  very  humorous  account  of  him,  Tatler,  No.  '260. 
The  design  of  Taliacotius  has  been  improved  into  a  method  of 
holding  correspondence  at  a  great  distance,  by  the  sympathy  of 
flesh  transferred  from  one  body  to  another.  If  two  persons  ex- 
change a  piece  of  flesh  from  the  bicepital  muscle  of  the  arm, 
arid  circumscribe  it  with  an  alphabet ;  when  the  one  pricks  him- 
self in  A,  the  other  is  to  have  a  sensation  thereof  in  the  same 
part,  and  by  inspecting  his  arm,  perceive  what  letter  the  other 
points  to. 

Our  author  likewise  intended  to  ridicule  Sir  Kenelm  Higby, 
who,  in  his  Treatise  on  the  sympathetic  powder,  mentions,  but 
with  caution,  this  method  of  engrafting  noses.  It  lias  been  ob- 
served, that  the  ingenuity  of  the  ancients  seems  to  have  failed 
them  on  a  similar  occasion,  since  they  were  obliged  to  piece  on! 
the  mutilated  shoulder  of  Pelops  witii  ivory. 

In  latter  days  it  has  been  a  conmion  practice  with  dentists,  ti 
draw  the  teeth  of  young  chimney-sweepers,  and  fix  them  in  the 
heads  of  other  persons.  There  was  a  lady  whose  motith  was 
supplied  In  this  manner.     After  some  time  the  boy  claimed  the 


Canto  i.]  HUDIBRAS  49 

But  when  the  date  of  Nock  was  out,*  285 

Off  dropt  the  sympathetic  snout. 

His  back,  or  rather  burthen,  show'd 
As  if  it  stoop'd  with  its  own  load. 
For  as  .^Eneas  bore  his  sire 

Upon  his  shoulders  thro'  the  fire,  250 

Our  knight  did  bear  no  less  a  pack 
Of  his  own  buttocks  on  his  back : 
Which  now  had  almost  got  the  upper- 
Hand  of  his  head,  for  want  of  crupper. 
To  poise  this  equally,  he  bore  295 

A  paunch  of  the  same  bulk  before : 
Which  still  he  had  a  special  care 
To  keep  well-cramm'd  with  thrifty  fare : 
As  white-pot,  butter-milk,  and  curds, 
Such  as  a  country-house  affords  ;  300 

With  other  victual,  which  anon 
We  farther  shall  dilate  upon, 
■   When  of  his  hose  we  come  to  treat, 
The  cup-board  where  he  kept  his  meat. 

His  doublet  was  of  sturdy  bufF,  305 

And  though  not  sword,  yet  cudgel-proof, 
Whereby  'twas  fitter  for  his  use. 
Who  fear'd  no  blows  but  such  as  bruise.t 

His  breeches  were  of  rugged  woollen. 
And  had  been  at  the  siege  of  Bullen  ;t  310 


tooth,  and  went  to  a  justice  of  peace  for  a  warrant  against  the 
lady,  who,  he  alleged,  had  stolen  it.  The  case  would  have 
puzzled  Sir  Hudibras. 

Dr.  Hunter  mentions  some  ill  effects  of  the  practice.  A  per- 
son who  gains  a  tooth,  may  soon  after  want  a  nose.  The  simile 
has  been  translated  into  Latin  thus  : 

Sic  adscititios  nasos  de  clune  torosi 
Vectoris  docta  secuit  Taliacotius  arte: 
Qui  potuere  parem  durando  tequare  parentem  ; 
At  postquam  fato  clunis  computruit,  ipsum 
Una  symphaticum  toepit  tabescere  rostrum. 

•  Nock  is  a  British  word,  signifying  a  slit  or  crack.  .And 
hence  figuratively,  nates,  la  fesse,  the  fundameitt.  Nock, 
Nockys,  is  used  by  Gawin  Douclas  in  his  version  of  the  ^IDneid, 
for  the  bottom,  or  extremity  of  any  thing;  Glossarists  say,  the 
word  hath  that  sense  both  in  Italian  and  Dutch:  others  think  it 
a  British  word. 

t  A  man  of  nice  honor  suffers  more  from  a  kick,  or  slap  in 
the  face,  than  from  a  wound.  Sir  Walter  Raleigli  says,  to  be 
Btrucken  with  a  sword  is  like  a  man,  but  to  be  strucken  with  a 
stick  is  like  a  slave. 

t  Henry  VUl.  besieged  Boulogne  in  person,  July  14, 1544.  He 
was  very  fat,  and  consequently  his  breeches  very  large.  See 
the  paintings  at  Cowdry  in  Su  ssex,  and  the  engravings  published 
3 


so  HUDIBRAS.  IPar  p  t 

To  old  King  Harry  so  well  known, 

Some  writers  held  they  were  his  own, 

Thro'  they  were  liu'd  with  many  a  piece 

Of  ammunition-bread  and  cheese, 

And  fat  black-puddings,  proper  food  315 

For  waruors  that  delight  in  blood: 

For,  as  we  said,  he  always  chose 

To  carry  vittle  in  his  hose. 

That  often  tempted  rats  and  mice, 

The  ammunition  to  surprise :  'dSP 

And  when  he  put  a  hand  but  in 

The  one  or  th'  other  magazine, 

They  stoutly  in  defence  on't  stood. 

And  from  the  wounded  foe  drew  blood  ; 

And  till  th'  were  storm'd  and  beaten  ou(  326 

Ne'er  left  the  fortifi'd  redoubt ; 

And  tho'  knights  errant,  as  some  think, 

Of  old  did  neither  eat  nor  di  ink,* 

Because  when  thorough  desarts  vast. 

And  regions  desolate  they  past,  330 

Where  belly-timber  above  ground. 

Or  under,  was  not  to  be  found. 

Unless  they  graz'd,  there's  not  one  word 

Of  their  provision  on  record  : 

Which  made  some  confidently  write,  333 

They  had  no  stomachs  but  to  fight. 

'Tis  false:  for  Arthur  wore  in  hallt 

Round  table  like  a  farthingal,t 


by  the  Society  of  Antiquaries.  Their  breeches  and  hose  were 
the  same,  Port-hose,  Trunk-hose,  Pantaloons,  were  all  like  our 
sailors'  trowsers.  See  Pedules  in  Cowel,and  the  74th  canon  ad 
fineni. 

*  "Though  I  think,  says  Don  Quixote,  that  I  have  read  as 
"many  histories  of  chivalry  in  my  time  as  any  other  man,  I 
"never  could  find  that  knights  errant  ever  eat,  unless  it  weie 
"by  mere  accident,  when  they  were  invited  to  great  feasts  and 
"  royal  banquets  ;  at  other  times,  they  indulged  themselves  with 
"little  other  food  besides  their  thoughts." 

I  Arthu»is  said  to  have  lived  about  the  year  530,  and  to  have 
been  born  in  501,  but  so  many  romantic  exploits  are  attributed  to 
him,  that  some  have  doubted  whether  there  was  any  truth  at  all 
in  his  history. 

Geoffrey  of  Monmouth  calls  him  the  son  of  Uther  Pendragon, 
others  think  he  was  himself  called  Uther  Pendragon:  Uther  sig- 
nifying in  the  British  tongue  a  cluli,  because  as  with  a  club  he 
beat  down  the  Saxons :  Pendragon,  because  he  wore  a  dragon  on 
the  crest  of  his  helmet. 

t  The  farthingal  was  a  sort  of  hoop  worn  by  the  ladies.  King 
Arthur  is  said  to  have  made  choice  of  the  round  table  that  hi* 
knights  might  not  quarrel  about  precedence. 


Canto  i.]  HUDIBRAS.  51 

On  which,  with  shirt  pull'd  out  behind, 

And  eke  before,  his  good  knights  din'd.  340 

Tho'  'twas  no  table  some  suppose, 

But  a  huge  pair  of  round  trunk  liose  : 

In  which  he  carry'd  as  much  meat, 

As  he  and  all  his  knights  could  eat,* 

When  laying  by  their  swords  and  truncheons,        315 

They  took  their  breakfasts,  or  their  nuncheons.t 

But  let  that  pass  at  present,  lest 

We  should  forget  where  we  digrest ; 

As  learned  authors  use,  to  whom 

We  leave  it,  and  to  th'  purpose  come.  3J0 

His  puissant  sword  unto  his  side. 
Near  his  uilSaunted  heart,  was  ty'd, 
With  basket-hilt,  that  would  hold  broth, 
And  serve  for  fight  and  dinirer  both. 
In  it  he  melted  lead  for  bullets,  355 

To  shoot  at  foes,  and  sometimes  pullets  ; 
To  whom  he  bore  so  fell  a  grutch, 
He  ne'er  gave  quarter  t'  any  such. 
The  trenchant  blade,  Toledo  trusty ,t 
For  waut  of  fighting  was  grown  rusty,  3G0 

And  ate  into  itself,  for  lack 
Of  somebody  to  hew  and  hack. 
The  peaceful  scabbard  where  it  dwelt, 
The  rancour  of  its  edge  had  felt : 
For  of  the  lower  end  two  handful  3G5 

It  had  devour'd,  'twas  so  manful, 
And  so  much  scoru'd  to  lurk  in  case, 
As  if  it  dui-st  not  shew  its  face. 


*  True-wit,  in  Ben  .Tons^n's  Silent  Woman,  says  of  Sir  Anior- 
ons  La  Fool,  "If  he  could  but  victual  himself  for  half  a  year  in 
"  his  breeches,  he  is  sutficieatiy  armed  to  over-run  a  country." 
Act  4,  sc.  5. 

t  J^uncheons. — Meals  now  made  by  the  servants  of  most  fam- 
ilies about  noon-tide,  or  twelve  o'clock.  Our  ancestors  in  the 
13th  and  14th  centuries  had  four  meals  a  day, — breakfast  at  7 ; 
dinner  at  10  ;  supper  at  4  ;  and  livery  at  8  or  9  ;  soon  after  which 
they  went  to-bed.  See  the  Earl  of  Northumberland's  household- 
bcik. 

The  tradesmen  and  laboring  people  had  only  3  meals  a  day, 
— breakfast  at  8  ;  dinner  at  12  ;  and  supper  at  6.  They  had  no 
livery. 

X  Toledo  is  a  city  in  Spain,  the  capital  of  New  Castile,  famous 
for  the  manufacture  of  swords:  the  Toledo  blades  were  general- 
ly broad,  to  wear  on  horseback,  and  of  great  length,  suitable  to 
tlie  old  Spanish  dress.  See  Dillon's  Voyage  through  Spain,  4ta 
782.  But  those  which  I  have  seen  were  narrow,  like  a  stiletto, 
Dut  much  longer:  though  probably  our  hero's  was  broad,  as  is 
inplied  by  the  epithet  trenchant;  cutting. 


&ct  HUDIBRAS  [Part  i. 

(r- 

in  many  desperate  attempts, 

Of  warrants,  exigents,*  contempts,  370 

It  had  appear'd  with  courage  bolder 

Than  Serjeant  Bum  invading  shoulder  :t 

Oft  had  it  ta'ea  possession. 

And  pris'ners  too,  or  made  thera  run. 

This  sword  a  dagger  had,  his  page,  375 

That  was  but  little  for  his  age  :  t 
And  therefore  waited  on  him  so. 
As  dwarfs  upon  knights  errant  do. 
It  was  a  serviceable  dudgeon, § 

Either  for  fighting  or  for  drudging  :||  3£0 

When  it  had  stabb'd,  or  broke  a  head, 
It  would  scrape  trenchers,  or  chip  bread, 
Toast  cheese  or  bacon, IT  though  it  were 
To  bait  a  mouse-trap,  'twould  not  care  : 
'Twould  make  clean  shoes,  and  in  the  earth  385 

Set  leeks  and  onions,  and  so  forth  : 
It  had  been  'prentice  to  a  brewer,** 

*  Exigent  is  a  writ  issued  in  order  to  bring  a  person  to  an  out- 
lawry, if  he  does  not  appear  to  answer  the  suit  commenced 
against  him. 

t  Alluding  to  the  method  by  which  bura-bailiffs,  as  they  are 
called,  arrest  persons,  giving  them  a  tap  on  the  shoulder. 

t  Thus  Homer  accoutres  Agamemnon  with  a  dagger  hanging 
near  his  sword,  which  he  used  instead  of  a  knife.  Iliad.  Lib.  iii. 
271.  A  gentleman  producing  some  wine  to  his  guests  in  small 
glasses,  and  saying  it  was  sixteen  years  old  ;  a  person  replied  it 
was  very  small  for  its  age — inihdvTOi  6(  Ttfos  olvov  iv'j.vKTTipiSiif 
(tiKpbv,  Kat  tlirdvTos  on  iKKaiitKairtji'  /xiKpd;  yc,  c<pri,  dj 
TuanTuiv  ctHv.  Athenffius  Ed.  Casaubon.  pp.  584  and  385,  lib 
xili.  289. 

$  A  dudgeon  was  a  short  sword,  or  dagger :  from  the  Teutonic 
(legen,  a  sword. 

II  That  is  for  doing  any  drudgery-work,  such  as  follows  in  the 
next  verses. 

ir  Corporal  Nim  says,  in  Shakspeare's  Henry  V.,  "  I  dare  not 
"fight,  but  I  will  wink,  and  hold  out  mine  iron:  it  is  a  simple 
"  one,  but  what  though — it  will  toast  cheese." 

**  This  was  a  common  joke  upon  Oliver  Cromwell,  who  was 
said  to  have  been  a  partner  in  a  brewery.  It  was  frequently 
made  the  subject  of  lampoon  during  his  life-time.  In  the  collec- 
tion of  loyal  songs,  is  one  called  the  Protecting  Brewer,  which . 
has  these  stanzas — 

A  brewer  may  be  as  bold  as  a  hector, 
When  as  he  had  drunk  his  cup  of  nectar, 
And  a  brewer  may  be  a  Lord  Protector, 
Which  nobody  can  deny. 

Now  here  remains  the  strangest  thing. 
How  this  brewer  about  his  liquor  did  bring 
To  be  an  emperor  or  a  king, 

Which  nobody  can  deny. 


Canto  i.]  HUDIBRAS.  63 

Where  this,  and  more,  it  did  endure  ; 

But  left  the  trade,  as  many  more 

Have  lately  done,  on  the  same  score.  390 

In  th'  holsters,  at  the  saddle-bow, 
Two  aged  pistols  he  did  stow, 
Among  the  surplus  of  such  meat 
As  in  his  hose  he  could  not  get. 

These  would  inveigle  rats  with  th'  scent,  395 

To  forage  when  the  cocks  were  bent ; 
And  sometimes  catch  'em  with  a  snap, 
As  cleverly  as  th'  ablest  trap.* 
They  were  upon  hard  duty  still, 
And  every  night  stood  sentinel,  400 

To  guard  the  magazine  in  th'  hose, 
From  two-legg'd  and  from  four-legg'd  foes. 

Thus  clad  and  fortify'd,  Sir  Knight, 
From  peaceful  home  set  forth  to  fight. 
But  first  with  nimble  active  force,  403 

He  got  on  th'  outside  of  his  horse  :t 
For  having  but  one  stirrup  ty'd 
T'  his  saddle,  on  the  further  side. 
It  was  so  short  h'  had  much  ado 
To  reach  it  with  his  desp'rate  toe.  410 

But  after  many  strains  and  heaves. 
He  got  upon  the  saddle  eaves. 
From  whence  he  vaulted  into  th'  seat. 
With  so  much  vigour,  strength,  and  heat. 
That  he  had  almost  tumbled  over  415 

With  his  own  weight,  but  did  recover. 
By  laying  hold  on  tail  and  mane, 
Which  oft  ho  us'd  instead  of  rein. 

But  now  we  talk  of  mounting  steed, 
Before  we  further  do  proceed,  420 

But  whether  Oliver  was  really  concerned  in  a  hrewery,  at  any 
period  of  his  life,  it  is  ditRcult  to  deteririine.  Heath,  one  of  his 
professed  eneiuies,  assures  us,  in  his  f  lagelluin,  that  there  was 
no  foundation  for  the  report. 

Colonel  Pride  had  been  a  brewer:  Colonel  Hewson  was  first  a 
shoemaker,  then  a  brewer's  clerk  :  and  Scott  had  been  clerk  to  a 
brewer. 

*  This  and  the  preceding  couplet  were  in  the  first  editions, 
but  afterwards  left  out  in  the  author's  copy. 

t  Nothing  can  be  more  completely  droll,  than  this  description 
of  Hudibras  mounting  his  horse.  He  had  one  stirrup  tied  on  the 
off-side  very  short,  the  saddle  very  large  ;  the  knight  short,  fat, 
and  deformed,  having  his  breeches  and  pockets  stuti'ed  with 
black  puddings  and  other  provision,  overacting  his  effort  tu 
mount,  and  nearly  tumbling  over  on  the  opposite  side  ;  his  sin- 
gle spur,  we  may  suppose,  catching  in  some  of  his  horse's  faini- 
ture. 


54  HUDIBRAS,  [Part  , 

It  doth  behove  us  to  say  something 

Of  that  which  bore  our  valiant  bumkin.* 

The  beast  was  sturdy,  large,  and  tall. 

With  mouth  of  meal,  and  e^es  of  wall ; 

I  would  say  eye,  for  h'  had  but  one,  425 

As  most  agree,  though  some  say  none. 

He  was  well  stay'd,  and  in  his  gait, 

Preserv'd  a  grave,  majestic  state. 

At  spur  or  switch  no  more  he  skipt, 

Or  mended  pace,  tnan  Spaniard  whipt  :t  430 

And  yet  so  fiery,  he  would  bound. 

As  if  he  griev'd  to  touch  the  ground : 

That  Caesar's  horse,  who,  as  fame  goes, 

Had  corns  upon  his  feet  and  toes,t 

VVas  not  by  half  so  tender-hooft,  435 

Nor  trod  upon  the  ground  so  soft : 

And  as  that  beast  would  kneel  and  stoop, 

Some  write,  to  take  his  rider  up,§ 

*  A  silly  country  fellow,  or  awkward  stick  of  wood,  from  the 
Belgbooni,  arbor,  and  ken,  or  kin,  a  diminutive. 

t  This  alludes  to  the  story  of  a  Spaniard,  who  was  condemned 
to  run  the  gantlet,  and  disdained  to  avoid  any  part  of  the  punish- 
ment by  mending  his  pace. 

i  Suetonius  relates,  that  the  hoofs  of  CEsar's  horse  were  di- 
vided like  toes.  And  again,  Lycosthenes,  de  prodigiis  et  por- 
tentis,  p.  214,  has  the  following  passage:  ".Julius  Ceesar  cum 
"LusitaniiE  prteesset — equus  insignis,  fissis  unguibus  anteriorum 
"pedum, et  propeiiioduni  digitorum  humanorum  natusest;  ferox 
"admodum,  atque  elatus:  quem  natuiii  apud  se,cuiu  auruspices 
"  iniperiuin  orbis  terrs  significare  domino  pronunliassent,  magn^ 
"cnrEl  aluit;  nee  patientem  sessoris  alterius,  primus  ascendit  i 
"cuJHS  etiam  signum  pro  .<Ede  Veneris  genetrieis  postea  dedica- 
"vit." — The  statue  of  Julius  Ccesar's  horse,  which  was  placed 
before  the  temple  of  Venus  Genetri.x,  had  the  hoofs  of  the  fore 
feet  parted  'ike  the  toes  of  a  man.  Montfaucon's  Antiq.  v.  ii.  p.  58 

In  Havercamp's  Medals  of  Christina,  on  the  reverse  of  a  coin 
of  Gnrdianus  Pius,  pi.  34,  is  represented  an  horse  with  two  hu- 
man fore  feet,  or  rather  one  a  foot,  the  other  a  hand.  Arion  is 
said,  by  the  scholiast,  on  Statius  Theb.  vi.  ver.  301,  to  have  had 
the  feet  of  a  man — humano  vestigio  dextri  pedis. 

§  Stirrups  were  not  in  use  in  the  time  of  Ca;sar.  Common 
persons,  who  were  active  and  hardy,  vaulted  into  their  seats; 
and  persons  of  distinction  had  their  horses  taught  to  bend  down 
toward  the  ground,  or  else  they  were  assisted  by  their  strators 
or  equerries.  Q,.  Curtius  mentions  a  remarkable  instance  of  do- 
cility of  the  elephants  in  the  army  of  king  Porus :  "  Indus  more 
"solito  elephantnm  procumhere  jussit  in  genua;  qui  ut  se  sub- 
"  missit,  ceteri  quoque,  ita  cnim  instituti  erant,  demisere  corpora 
"  in  terram."  I  know  no  writer  who  relates  that  Caesar's  horse 
would  kneel;  and  perhaps  Mr.  Butler's  memory  deceived  him. 
Of  Bucephalus,  the  favored  steed  of  Alexander,  it  is  said — "ille 
"nee  in  dorso  insidere  suo  patiebatur  alium ;  et  regem,  quum 
"vellet  ascendere  sponte  sua  genua  submittens,  excipiebat;  cie- 
"debaturque  sentire  quem  veheret."    See  also  Diodor.  Sicul.  et 


r*j<TO  I.]  HLPIBRAS.  55 

So  Hudibras  his,  'tis  well  known, 

Would  often  do,  to  set  him  down.  440 

We  shall  not  need  to  say  what  lack 

Of  leather  was  upon  his  back  : 

For  that  was  hidden  under  pad, 

And  breech  of  Knight  gall'd  full  as  bad. 

His  strutting  ribs  on  botii  sides  show'd  445 

Like  furrows  he  himself  had  plow'd : 

For  underneath  the  skirt  of  pannel, 

'Twixt  every  two  there  was  a  channel. 

His  draggling  tail  hung  in  the  dirt, 

Which  on  his  rider  he  would  flirt ;  4"50 

Still  as  his  tender  side  he  prickt. 

With  arm'd  heel,  or  with  unarm'd,  kickt ; 

For  Hudibras  wore  but  one  spur. 

As  wisely  knowing,  could  he  stir 

To  active  trot  one  side  of 's  horse,  455 

The  other  would  not  hang  an  arse. 

A  Squire  he  had,  whose  name  was  Ralph,* 

rUitarch,  de  solert.  animal.    Mr.  Butler,  in  his  MS.  Commoa- 
place  Book,  applies  the  saddle  to  the  right  horse  ;  for  he  says, 
Like  Bucephalus's  brutish  honor, 
Would  have  none  mount  but  the  right  owner.  • 

Hudibras's  horse  is  described  very  much  in  the  same  manner 
with  that  of  Don  Quixote's  lean,  stifl",  jaded,  foundered,  with  a 
sharp  ridge  of  bones.  Rozinante,  liowever,  could  boast  of  "mas 
"quartos  que  un  real" — an  equivoque  entirely  lost  in  most 
translations.  Quarto  signifies  a  crack,  or  chop,  in  a  horse's  hoof 
or  heel :  it  also  signifies  a  small  piece  of  money,  several  of  which 
go  to  make  a  real. 

*  As  the  knight  was  of  the  Presbyterian  party,  so  the  squire 
was  an  Analiaptist  or  Independent.  This  gives  our  author  an 
opportunity  of  characterizing  both  these  sects,  and  of  shewing 
their  joint  concurrence  against  the  king  and  church. 

The  Presbyterians  and  Independents  had  each  a  separate  form 
of  church  discipline.  The  Presbyterian  system  appointed,  for 
every  parish,  a  minister,  one  or  more  deacons,  and  two  ruling 
elders,  who  were  laymen  chosen  by  the  parishioners.  Each 
parish  was  suliject  to  a  classis,  or  union  of  several  parishes.  A 
deputation  of  two  ministers  and  four  ruling  elders,  from  every 
classis  in  the  county,  constituted  a  provincial  synod.  And  su- 
perior to  the  provincial  was  the  national  synod,  consisting 
of  deputies  from  the  former,  in  the  proportion  of  two  ruling 
elders  to  one  minister.  Appeals  were  allowed  throughout  these 
several  jurisdictions,  and  ultimately  to  the  parliament.  On  the 
attachment  of  the  Presbyterians  to  their  lay-elders,  Mr.  Seldon 
observes  in  his  Table-talk,  p.  118,  that  "  there  mast  be  some  lay- 
"  men  in  the  synod  to  overlook  the  clergy,  lest  they  spoil  tiie 
"  civil  work :  just  as  when  the  good  woman  puts  a  cat  into  the 
"  milk-house,  she  sends  her  maid  to  look  after  the  cat,  lest  the 
"cat  should  eat  up  the  cream." 

The  Independents  maintained,  that  every  congregation  was  a 
Wmplete  church  within  itself,  and  had  no  dependence  on  clas- 


56  HUDIBRAS.  [Paiit  i 

That  in  th'  adventure  went  his  half 

Though  writers,  for  more  stately  tone, 

Do  call  him  Ralpho,  'tis  all  one :  4G8 

And  when  we  can,  with  metre  safe, 

We'll  call  him  so,  if  not,  plain  Raph  ;* 

For  rhyme  the  rudder  is  of  verses, 

With  which,  like  ships,  they  steer  their  courses. 

An  equal  stock  of  wit  and  valor  4f>5 

He  had  lain  in,  by  birth  a  tailor. 

The  mighty  Tyrian  queen  that  gain'd. 

With  subtle  shreds,  a  tract  of  laud,i 

Did  leave  it,  with  a  castle  fair, 

To  his  great  ancestor,  her  heir ;  470 

From  him  descended  cross-legg'd  knights,t 

Fam'd  for  their  faith  and  warlike  fights 

Against  the  bloody  Canuibal,§ 

Bical,  provincial,  or  national  synods  or  assemblies.  They  chose 
their  own  ministers,  and  required  no  ordination  or  laying  on  of 
hands,  as  the  Presl)yterians  did.  They  adujitted  any  gifted  bro- 
ther, that  is,  any  enthusiast  who  thought  he  could  preach  oi 
pray,  into  their  assemblies.  They  entered  into  covenant  with 
their  minister,  and  he  with  them.  Soon  after  the  Revolution 
the  Presbyterians  and  Independents  coalesced,  the  former  yield- 
ing^in  some  respects  to  the  latter. 

*  Paulino  Ausonius,  nietrum  sic  suasit,  ut  esses 

Tu  prior,  et  nomen  praegrederere  meum. 

Sir  Roger  L'Estrange  supposes,  that  in  his  description  of  Ral 
pho,  (lur  author  had  in  view  one  Isaac  Robinson,  a  butcher  in 
IMoorfields:  others  think  that  the  character  was  designed  for 
Premble,  a  tailor,  and  one  of  the  committee  of  sequestrators. 
Dr.  Grey  supposes,  that  the  name  of  Ralph  was  taken  from  the 
grocer's  apprentice,  in  Beaumont  and  Fletcher's  play,  called  the 
Knight  of  the  Burning  Pestle.  Sir.  Pemberton,  who  was  a  rela- 
tion and  godson  of  Mr.  Butler,  said,  that  the  'squire  was  designed 
for  Ralph  Bedford,  esquire,  member  of  parliament  for  the  town 
of  Bed  lord. 

t  The  allusion  is  to  the  well-known  story  of  Dido,  who  pur- 
chased as  much  land  as  she  could  surround  with  an  ox's  hide. 
She  cut  the  hide  into  small  strips,  and  obtained  twenty-two  fur- 
longs. 

Mercatique  solum,  facti  de  nomine  Byrsam, 
Taurine  quantum  possent  circumdare  tergo. 

Virg.  iEneid,  lib.  i.  367. 

X  Tailors,  who  usually  sit  at  their  work  in  this  posture ;  and 
knights  of  the  Holy  Voyage,  persons  who  had  marie  a  vow  to  go 
to  the  Holy  Land,  after  death  were  represented  on  their  monu- 
ments with  their  legs  across.  "Sumptuosissima  per  orbem 
"  christianum  erecta  coenobia ;  in  quibus  hodie  quoque  videre 
"  licet  militum  illorum  imagines,  monumenta,  tibiis  in  crucera 
"  transversis  :  sic  enim  sepuiti  fuerunt  quotquot  illo  seculo  nom- 
"ina  bello  sacro  dedissent,  vel  qui  tunc  temporis  crucem  susce- 
"  pissent."    Chronic.  Ecclesiast.  lib.  ii.  p.  7-. 

^  Tailors,  as  well  as  knights  of  the  Holy  Voyage,  are  famed 


Canto  i.]  HUDIBRAS.  57 

Whom  they  destroy'd  both  great  and  Email. 

This  sturdy  Squire  had,  as  well  47J 

As  the  bold  Trojan  knight,  seen  hell,* 

Not  with  a  counterfeited  pass 

Of  golden  bough, t  but  true  gold  lace. 

His  knowledge  was  not  far  behind 

The  knight's,  but  of  another  kind,  480 

And  he  another  way  came  by't ; 

Some  call  it  gifts,  and  some  new  light. 

A  lib'ral  art  that  costs  no  pains 

Of  study,  industry,  or  brains. 

His  wits  were  sent  him  for  a  token,  485 

But  in  the  carriage  crack'd  and  broken.! 

Like  commendation  ninepence  crookt, 

With — to  and  from  my  lov« — it  lookt.§ 

for  their  faith,  the  former  frequently  trusting  much  in  the  way 
of  their  trade.  The  words,  bloody  cannibal,  are  not  altogether 
applied  to  the  Saracens,  who,  on  many  occasions,  behaved  with 
great  generosity ;  but  they  denote  a  more  insignificant  creature, 
to  whom  the  tailor  is  said  to  be  an  avowed  enemy. 

*  In  allusion  to  ^neas's  descent  into  hell,  and  the  tailor's  re- 
pairing to  the  place  under  the  board  on  which  he  sat  to  work, 
called  hell  likewise,  being  a  receptacle  for  all  the  stolen  scraps 
of  cloth,  lace,  &c. 

t  Mr.  Montagu*  Bacon  says,  it  should  seem,  by  these  lines', 
that  the  poet  thought  Virgil  meant  a  counterfeited  bough;  Dr. 
riot,  in  his  History  of  Staffordshire,  says,  that  gold  in  the  mines 
often  grows  in  the  shape  of  boughs,  and  branches,  and  leaves; 
therefore  Virgil,  who  understood  nature  well,  though  he  gave  it 
a  poetical  turn,  means  no  more  than  a  sign  of  jEneas's  going 
under  ground  where  mines  are. 

t  That  is,  that  he  was  crack-brained. 

§  From  this  passage,  and  from  the  proverb  used,  (Post.  Works, 
V.  ii.  No.  114,)  viz.,  "he  has  brought  his  noble  to  a  ninepence," 
one  would  be  led  to  conclude  that  some  coins  had  actually  been 
strucken  of  this  denomination  and  value.  And,  indeed,  two  in- 
stances of  this  are  recorded  by  Mr.  Folkes,  both  during  the  civil 
wars,  the  one  at  Dublin,  and  the  other  at  Newark.  Table  of 
English  coins,  ed.  1763,  p.  92,  plates  27,  4,  and  28.  But  long  be- 
fore this  period,  by  royal  proclamation  of  July  9,  1551,  the  base 
testoons  or  shillings  of  Henry  VIII.  and  Edward  VI.  were  rated 
it  ninepence,  (Folkes,  ibid.  p.  37,)  and  of  these  there  were  great 
nuKibers.  It  may  be  conjectured  also,  that  the  dipt  shillings  of 
Edward  and  Elizabeth,  and,  perhaps,  some  foreign  silver  coins, 
might  pass  by  conunon  allowance  and  tacit  agreement  for  nine- 
pence,  and  be  so  called.  In  William  Prynne's  answer  to  John 
Audland  the  Quaker,  in  Butler's  Genuine  Remains,  vol.  i.  p.  382, 
we  read,  a  light  piece  of  gold  is  good  and  lawful  English  coin, 
current  with  allowance,  though  it  be  dipt,  filed,  washed,  or 
worn:  even  so  are  my  ears  legal,  warrantable,  and  suthcient 
ears,  however  they  have  been  dipt,  par'd,  cropt,  circumcis'd. 

In  Queen  Elizabeth's  time,  as  Holinshed,  Stow,  and  Camden 

affirm,  a  proclamation  was  issued,  declaring  that  the  testoons 

coined  for  twelve-pence,  should  be  current  for  four-pence  half 

penny ;  an  inferior  sort,  marked  with  a  greyhound,  for  iwo-penee 

3* 


58  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  i 

He  ne'er  consider'd  it,  as  loth* 

To  look  a  gift  horse  in  the  mouth  ;  490 

And  very  wisely  would  lay  forth 

No  more  upon  it  than  'twas  worth,t 

But  as  he  got  it  freely,  so 

He  spent  it  frank  and  freely  too. 

For  saints  themselves  will  sometimes  be,  495 

Of  gifts  that  cost  them  nothing,  free. 

By  means  of  this,  with  hem  and  cough, 

Prolongers  to  enlighten'd  snufF,t 

He  cjuld  deep  mysteries  unriddle, 

farthing;  and  a  third  and  worst  sort  not  to  be  current  at  all: 
stamping  and  milling  money  looli  place  about  the  year  1662. 

All  or  any  of  these  pieces  might  serve  for  pocket-pieces  among 
the  vulgar,  and  be  given  to  their  sweethearts  or  comrades,  as 
tokens  of  remembrance  and  afTection.  At  this  day  an  Eliza- 
beth's shilling  is  notunfrequently  applied  to  such  purpose.  The 
country  people  say  commonly,  I  will  use  your  commendations, 
that  is,  make  your  compliments.  George  Philips,  before  his 
execution,  bended  a  sixpence,  and  presented  it  to  a  friend  of  his, 
Mr.  Stroud.  He  gave  a  bended  shilling  to  one  Mr.  Clark.  See  a 
brief  narrative  of  the  stupendous  tragedy  intended  by  the  satan- 
ical  saints,  1662,  p.  .59. 

*  That  is,  he  did  not  consider  it  was  crackt  and  broken,  or  per- 
haps it  may  mean,  he  did  not  overvalue,  and  hoard  it  up,  it 
being  given  him  by  inspiration,  according  to  the  doctrine  of  the 
Independents. 

t  When  the  barber  came  to  shave  Sir  Thomas  More  the 
morning  of  his  execution,  the  prisoner  told  him,  "  that  there 
"  was  a  contest  betwixt  the  King  and  him  for  his  head,  and  he 
"  would  not  willingly  lay  out  more  upon  it  than  it  was  worth." 

t  Prolonirers  to  enlighteiid  snuff. — This  reading  seems  con- 
firmed by  Butler's  Genuine  Remains,  vol.  i.  p.  55,  and  I  prefer  it 
to  "enlightened  stuff."  Enlightened  snuff  is  a  good  allusion. 
As  a  lamp  just  expiring  with  a  faint  light  for  want  of  oil,  emits 
flashes  at  intervals  ;  so  the  tailor's  shallow  discourse,  like  the 
extempore  preaching  of  his  brethren,  was  lengthened  out  vi^ith 
hems  and  coughs,  with  stops  and  pauses,  for  want  of  matter. 
The  preachers  of  those  days  considered  hems,  nasal  tones,  and 
coughs,  as  graces  of  oratory.  Some  of  their  discourses  are  printed 
with  breaks  and  marginal  notes,  which  shew  where  the  preacher 
introduced  his  emhellishraents. 

The  expiring  state  of  the  lamp  has  furnished  Mr.  Addison 
with  a  beautiful  simile  in  his  Cato : 

Thus  o'er  the  dying  lamp  th'  unsteady  flame 
Hangs  quivering  on  a  point,  leaps  off  by  fits, 
And  falls  again,  as  loath  to  quit  its  hold 

And  Mr.  Butler,  Part  iii.  Cant.  ii.  I.  349,  says, 
Prolong  the  snuffof  life  in  pain. 
And  from  the  grave  recover — gain. 

See  also  Genuine  Remains,  vol.  i.  p.  374.  "  And  this  serves 
"thee  to  the  same  purpose  that  hem's  and  hah's  do  thy  gifted 
"ghostly  fathers,  that  is,  to  lose  time,  and  put  ofl"thy  commodity." 

Butler  seems  fond  of  this  expression :  "  the  s  naff  of  the  moon 

U  fall  as  harsh  as  the  snntf  of  a  sermon." 


Canto  i.]  HUDIBRAS.  59 

As  easily  as  thread  a  needle  ;  500 

For  as  of  vagabonds  we  say, 

That  tliey  are  ne'er  beside  their  way 

Whate'er  men  speak  by  this  new  light, 

Still  they  are  sure  to  be  i'  th'  light, 

'Tis  a  d:»rk-lanthorn  of  the  spirit,  505 

Which  none  see  by  but  those  that  bear  it ; 

A  light  thai,  falls  down  from  on  high,* 

For  spiritual  trades  to  cozen  by  : 

4.n  ignis  fatuus,  that  bewitches, 

And  leads  men  into  pools  and  ditches,t  510 

To  make  them  dip  themselves,  and  sound 

For  Christendom  in  dirty  pond  ; 

To  dive,  like  wild-fowl,  for  salvation. 

And  fish  to  catch  regeneration. 

This  light  inspires,  aud  plays  upon  515 

The  nose  of  saint,  like  bagpipe  drone, 

And  speaks  through  hollow  empty  soul. 

As  through  a  trunk,  or  whisp'ring  hole, 

Such  language  as  no  mortal  ear 

But  spiritual  eaves-droppers  can  hear.  520 

So  Phoebus,  or  some  friendly  muse. 

Into  small  poets  song  infuse  ; 

Which  they  at  second-hand  rehearse. 

Thro'  reed  or  bagpipe,  verso  for  verse 

Thus  Ralph  became  infallible,  525 

As  three  or  four  legg'd  oracle. 

The  ancient  cup  or  modern  chair  ;l 

Spoke  truth  point  blank,  though  unaware. 

For  mystic  learning  wondrous  able 

In  magic  talisman,  and  cabal, §  530 


*  A  burlesfiue  parallel  between  the  spiritual  gifts,  and  the 
eky-lights  which  tradesmen  sometimes  have  in  their  shops  tc 
shew  tlieir  goods  to  advantage. 

t  An  humorous  parallel  between  the  vapory  exhalation 
which  misleads  the  traveller,  and  tlie  re-baptizing  practised  by 
the  Anabaptists. 

X  "Is  not  this  the  cup,  sal  th  Joseph's  steward,  wherel)y  in- 
deed my  lord  divined  1"  The  Pope's  dictates  are  said  to  be 
infallible,  when  he  delivers  thera  ex  cathedra.  The  priestess 
of  Apollo  at  Delphos  used  a  three-legged  stool  when  she  gave 
out  her  oracles.  From  Joseph's  cup,  perhaps,  came  the  idea  of 
telling  fortunes  by  cofiee  grounds. 

Four-legged  oracle,  means  telling  fortunes  from  quadrupeds. 
The  word  oracle  occurs  in  like  latitude,  p.  2,  c.  iii.  v.  569. 

$  Talisman  was  a  nitigical  inscription  or  figure,  engraven,  or 
cast,  by  the  direction  of  astrologers,  under  certain  positions  of 
the  heavenly  bodies.  The  talisman  of  Apolhonius,  which  stood 
in  the  hippodrome  at  Oonstantinople,  was  a  brazen  eagle     It 


60  HUDIBRAS.  .PARTi 

Whose  primitive  tradition  reaches, 

As  far  as  Adam's  first  gfreeii  breeches  :* 

Deep-sigiited  iu  intelligences, 

Ideas,  atoms,  influences  ; 

And  much  of  terra  incognita,  53i 

Til'  intelligible  world  could  say  ;t 

A  deep  occult  philosopher. 

As  learn'd  as  the  wild  Irish  are,t 


was  melted  down  when  the  Latins  took  that  city.  They  were 
thoiiglit  to  have  great  ethcacy  as  preservatives  from  disease  and 
all  kinds  of  evil.  The  image  of  any  vermin  cast  in  the  precise 
moment,  under  a  particular  position  of  the  stars,  was  supposed 
to  destroy  the  vermin  represented.  Some  make  Apojlonius 
Ty'^i'EUS  the  inventor  of  talismans:  but  they  were  probably  of 
still  higher  antiquity.  Necepsus,  a  king  of  Egypt,  wrote  a  treatise 
De  ratione  prasciendi  I'utura,  &.c.  Thus  Ausonius,  Epist.  19. 
Pontic  Paulino — "  Quique  magos  docuit  mysteria  vana  Necep- 
sus." The  Greeks  called  them  rsXro^mra,  but  the  name  proba- 
bly is  Arabic.  Gregory's  account  of  tliem  is  learned  a-nd  copious. 
Cabal,  or  cabbala,  is  a  sort  of  divination  by  letters  or  numbers  : 
it  signifies  likewise  the  secret  or  mysterious  doctrines  of  any 
religion  or  sect.  The  Jews  pretend  to  have  received  their  cab- 
bala from  Moses,  or  even  from  Adam.  "Aiunt  se  conservasse 
a  temporilius  Mosis,  vel  etiam  ipsius  Adami,  doctrinam  quandam 
arcanam  dictam  cabalani."     Burnet's  Archeol.  Philosoph. 

*  The  author  of  the  Magia  Adamica  endeavors  to  prove,  that 
the  learning  of  the  ancient  INIagi  was  derived  from  the  know- 
ledge which  God  himself  communicated  to  Adam  in  paradise. 
The  second  line  was  probably  intended  to  burlesque  the  Gene- 
va translation  of  the  Bible,  published  with  notes.  1599,  which 
in  the  third  of  Genesis,  says  of  Adam  and  Eve,  "  they  sewed 
lig-leaves  together,  and  made  themselves  breeches."  In  Mr. 
Butler's  character  of  an  hermetic  philosopher,  (Genuine  Re 
mains,  vol.  ii.  p.  227,)  we  read  :  "  he  derives  the  pedigree  of  ma- 
"  gic  from  Adam's  first  green  breeches  ;  because  tig-leaves  being 
"the  first  deaths  that  mankind  wore,  were  only  used  for  cover- 
"  ing,  and  therefore  are  the  most  antient  monuments  of  con- 
"cealed  mysteries." 

t  "  ideas,  according  to  my  philosophy,  are  not  in  the  s.iul, 
"but  in  a  superior  intelligible  nature,  wherein  the  soul  only 
"  beholds  and  contemplates  them.  And  so  they  are  only  ob- 
"jcctively  in  the  soul,  or  tanquam  in  cognoscente,  but  really 
"  elsewhere,  even  in  the  intelligible  world,  that  Koe^ioi  voi/rbs 
"  which  Plato  speaks  of  to  which  the  soul  is  united,  and  where 
"she  beholds  them."  See  Mr.  Norris's  Letter  to  Mr.  Dodvvell, 
concerning  the  immortality  of  the  soul  of  man,  p.  114. 

i  See  the  ancient  and  modern  customs  of  the  Irish,  in  Cam- 
den's Britannia,  and  Speed's  Theatre.  Here  the  poet  may  use 
his  favorite  fisiure,  the  anticlimax.  Vet  I  am  not  certain  whether 
Mr.  Butler  did  not  mean,  in  earnest,  to  c;ill  the  Irish  learned: 
for  in  the  age  of  St.  Patrick,  the  Saxons  flocked  to  Ireland  as  to 
the  great  mart  of  learning.  We  find  it  often  mentioned  in  our 
writers,  that  such  an  one  was  sent  into  Ireland  to  be  educated 
Sulgenus,  who  flourished  about  six  hundred  years  ago — 
Exemplo  patrum  commotus  amore  legend! 
Ivit  ad  Hibernos,  sophist  mirabile  claros. 


Canto  i.]  HUDIBRAS.  61 

Or  Sir  Agrippa,  for  profound 

And  solid  lying  much  renown'd  :*  540 

He  Anthroposoplius,  and  Floud, 

And  Jacob  Behmeu  understood  ;t 

Knew  many  an  amulet  and  charm, 

That  would  do  neither  good  nor  harm  ; 


In  Mr.  Butler's  MS.  Common-place  book  he  says,  "  When  the 

Saxons  invaded  the  Britons,  it  is  very  probable  that  many  fled 
"into  foreign  countries,  to  avoid  the  fury  of  their  arms,  (as  the 
"  Veneti  did  into  the  islands  of  the  Adriatic  sea,  when  Atlila 
"invaded  Italy,)  and  some,  if  not  most  into  Ireland,  who  car- 
"ried  with  them  that  learning  which  the  Romans  had  planted 
"  here,  which,  when  the  Sa.\ons  had  nearly  extinguished  it  in 
"this  island,  flourished  at  so  high  a  rate  there,  that  most  of 
"  those  nations,  among  whom  the  northern  people  had  intro- 
"  duced  barbarism,  beginning  to  recover  a  little  civility,  were 
"  glad  to  send  their  children  to  be  instructed  in  religion  and 
"  learning,  into  Ireland." 

*  Sir  Agrippa  was  born  at  Cologn,  ann.  1486,  and  knighted  for 
his  military  services  under  the  Emperor  Maximilian.  When 
very  young,  he  published  a  book  De  Occulta  Philosophia,  which 
contains  almost  all  the  stories  that  ever  roguery  invented,  or 
credulity  swallowed  concerning  the  operations  of  magic.  But 
Agrippa  was  a  man  of  great  worth  and  honor,  as  well  as  of 
great  learning  ;  and  in  his  riper  years  was  thoroughly  ashamed 
of  this  book;  nor  is  it  to  be  found  in  the  folio  edition  of  his 
works. — In  his  preface  he  says,  "  Si  alicubi  erratum  sit,  sive 
"quid  liberius  dictum,  ignoscite  adolescentiae  nostr.i;,  qui  minor 
"  quam  adolescens  hoc  opus  composui :  ut  possim  me  cxcusare, 
"  ac  dicere,  dum  eram  parvulus,  loquebar  ut  parvulus,  factus 
"  auteni  vir,  evacuavi  quas  erant  parvuli ;  ac  in  libro  de  vanilate 
"scientiarum  hunc  librum  magna  ex  parte  retractavi." — Paulus 
Jovius  in  his  "  Elogia  doctorum  Virorum,"  says  of  Sir  Agrippa, 
"  a  Cffisare  eruditioiiis  ergo  equeslris  ordinis  dignitate  honesta- 
"  tiis."  p.  237.  Bayle,  in  his  Dictionary  v.  Agrippa,  note  O, 
says  that  the  fourth  book  was  untruly  ascribed  to  Agrippa. 

t  Anthroposophus  was  a  nickname  given  to  one  Thomas  Vaugh- 
an,  Rector  of  Saint  Bridge's,  in  Bedfordshire,  and  author  of  a 
discourse  on  the  nature  of  man  in  the  state  after  death,  entitled, 
Anihroposophia  Theomagica. — "A  treatise,"  says  Dean  Swift, 
"  written  about  fifty  years  ago,  by  a  Welch  gentleman  of  Cam- 
"  bridge :  his  name,  as  I  remember,  was  Vaughan,  as  appears 
"  by  the  answer  to  it  written  by  the  learned  Dr.  Henry  Moor: 
"it  is  a  piece  of  the  most  unintelligible  fustian  that  perhaps 
"  was  ever  published  in  any  language." 

Robert  Floud,  a  native  of  Kent,  and  son  of  Sir  Thomas  Floud, 
Treasurer  of  War  to  Queen  Elizabeth,  was  Doctor  of  Physic  of 
St.  John'sCollege,  Oxford,  and  much  given  to  occult  philosophy 
He  wrote  an  apology  for  the  Rosycrucians,  also  a  system  of 
physics,  called  the  Mosaic  Philosophy,  and  many  other  obscurs 
and  mystical  tracts.  Monsieur  Rapin  says,  that  Floud  was  ths 
Paracelsus  of  philosophers,  as  Paracelsus  was  the  Floud  of  phy- 
sicians. His  opinions  were  thought  worthy  of  a  serious  confu- 
tation by  Gassendi.  Jacob  Behnien  was  an  impostor  and  en- 
thusiast, of  somewhat  an  earlier  date,  by  trade,  I  believe,  a  cob- 
bler. Mr.  Law,  who  revived  some  of  his  notions,  calls  him  a 
Theosopher.    He  wrote  uninteligibly  in  d.ark  mystical  terms. 


62  HUDIBRAS.  JPart  t 

In  Rosycrucian  lore  as  learned,*  545 

As  he  that  verfe  adeptus  earned  : 
He  understood  the  speech  of  birdst 

*  The  Rosycrucians  were  a  sect  of  hermetical  philosophers 
The  name  appears  to  be  derived  from  ros,  dew,  and  cruz,  a  cross 
Dew  was  supposed  to  be  the  most  powerful  solvent  of  gold  ;  and 
a  cross  +  contains  the  letters  which  compose  the  word  lux, 
light,  called,  in  the  jargon  of  the  sect,  the  seed  or  menstruum 
of  the  red  dragon  ;  or,  in  other  words,  that  gross  and  corporeal 
light,  which,  properly  modified,  produces  gold.  They  owed  their 
origin  to  a  German  gentleman,  called  Christian  Rosencruz  ;  and 
from  him  likewise,  perhaps,  their  name  of  Rosycrucians,  though 
they  frequently  went  by  other  names,  such  as  the  Illuminati, 
the  Immortales,  the  Invisible  Brothers.  This  gentleman  had 
travelled  to  the  Holy  Land  in  the  fourteenth  century,  and  formed 
an  acquaintance  with  some  eastern  philojophers.  They  were- 
noticed  in  England  before  the  beginning  of  the  last  century. 
Their  learning  had  a  great  mixture  of  enthusiasm  ;  and  as 
Lemery,  the  famous  chymist,  says,  "  it  was  an  art  without  an 
"  art,  whose  beginning  was  lying,  whose  middle  was  labor,  and 
"  whose  end  was  beggary."  Mr.  Hales,  of  Eton,  concerning 
the  weapon  salve,  p. 28-2,  says,  "a  rnerry  guUery  put  upon  the 
"  world  ;  a  grild  of  men,  who  style  themselves  the  brethren  of 
"  the  Rosycross ;  a  fraternity,  who,  what,  or  where  they  are,  no 
"  man  yet,  no  not  they  who  believe,  admire,  and  devote  them- 
"  selves  unto  them,  could  ever  discover." — See  Chaufepie's 
Diet.  V.  Jungius,  note  D  ;  and  Brucker.  Hist.  Critic.  Phil.  iv.  i.  p. 
736.  Naudanis  and  Mosheim.  Inst.  Hist.  Christ,  recent,  sec.  17. 
I.  4,  28. — Lore,  i.  e.  science,  knowledge,  from  Anglo-Saxon,  learn, 
leeran,  to  teach. 

t  The  senate  and  people  of  Abdera,  in  their  letter  to  Hippo- 
crates, give  it  as  an  instance  of  the  madness  of  Democritus,  that 
he  pretended  to  understand  the  language  of  birds.  Porphyry, 
de  abstinentia,  lib.  iii.  cap.  3,  contends  that  animals  have  a  lan- 
guage, and  that  men  may  understand  it.  He  instances  in  Me- 
lanipus  and  Tiresias  of  old,  and  Apollonius  of  Tyana,  who  heard 
one  swallow  proclaim  to  the  rest,  that  by  the  fall  of  an  ass  a 
quantity  of  wheat  lay  scattered  upon  the  road.  I  believe  swal- 
lows do  not  eat  wheat.  [Certainly  not.]  Philostratus  tells  us 
the  same  tale,  with  more  propriety,  of  a  sparrow.  Porphyry 
adds, — "a  friend  assured  me  that  a  youth, who  was  liis  page, 
"  understood  all  the  articulations  of  birds,  and  that  they  were 
"all  prophetic.  But  the  boy  was  unhappily  deprived  of  the 
"  faculty ;  for  his  mother,  fearing  he  should  be  sent  as  a  present 
"  to  the  emperor,  took  an  opportunity,  when  he  was  asleep,  to 
"  piss  into  his  ear."  The  author  of  the  Targum  on  Esther  says, 
that  Solomon  understood  the  speech  of  birds. 

The  reader  will  be  amused  by  comparing  the  above  lines  with 
Mr.  Butler's  character  of  an  Hermetic  philosopher,  in  the  second 
volume  of  his  Genuine  Remains,  published  by  Mr.  Thyer,  p.  225, 
a  character  which  contains  much  wit.  Mr.  Bruce  in  his  Trav- 
els, vol.  ii.  p.  243,  says.  There  was  brought  into  Abyssinia  a  bird 
called  Para,  about  the  V.jness  of  a  hen,  and  spoke  all  languages, 
Indian,  Portuguese,  and  Arabic.  It  named  the  king's  name  ; 
although  its  voice  was  that  of  a  man,  it  could  neigh  like  a  horse, 
and  mew  like  a  cat,  but  did  not  sing  like  a  bird— from  an  Histori- 
an of  that  country.— In  the  year  1055,  a  book  was  printed  in 
London,  by  John  Staflbrd,  entitled,  Ornithologie,  or  the  Speech 
■  Birds,  to  which  probably  Mr.  Butler  might  allude. 


Canto  i.]  HUDIBRAS.  63 

As  well  as  they  themselves  do  words  ; 

Could  tell  what  subtlest  parrots  mean, 

That  speak  and  think  contrary  clean  ;  550 

What  member  'tis  of  whom  they  talk, 

When  they  cry  Rope — and  Walk,  Knave,  walL* 

He'd  extract  numbers  out  of  raatter.+ 

And  keep  them  in  a  glass,  like  water. 

Of  sov'reign  pow'r  to  make  men  wise  :*  555 

For,  dropt  in  blear,  thick-sighted  eyes. 

They'd  make  them  see  in  darkest  night, 

Like  owls,  tho'  purblind  in  the  hght. 

By  help  of  these,  as  he  profest, 

He  had  first  matter  seen  undrest :  5M 

He  took  her  naked,  all  alone, 

Before  one  rag  c    form  was  on.§ 

The  chaos  too     ^  had  descry'd. 

And  seen  quiV      ;;ro',  or  else  he  ly'd  :    - 

Not  that  of  pasteboard,  which  men  shew  565 

For  groats,  at  fair  of  Barthol'mew  ;|1 

But  its  great  grandsire,  first  o'  th'  name. 

Whence  that  and  Reformation  came, 

Both  cousin-germans,  and  right  able 

T'  inveigle  and  draw  in  the  rabble  :  570 

But  Reformation  was,  some  say. 


*  This  probably  alludes  to  some  parrot,  that  was  taught  to  cry 
rogue,  knave,  a  rope,  after  persons  as  they  went  along  the  street. 
The  same  is  often  practised  now,  to  the  greatotlenceof  many  an 
honest  countryman,  wlio  when  he  complains  to  the  owner  of 
the  al)use,  is  told  by  him,  Take  care,  sir,  my  parrot  prophesies — 
this  miglit  allude  to  more  members  than  one  of  the  liouse  of 
commons. 

t  Every  absurd  notion,  that  could  be  picked  up  from  the  an- 
cients, was  adopted  by  the  wild  enthusiasts  of  our  author's  days. 
Plato,  as  Aristotle  informs  us,  Metaph.  lib.  i.  c.  6,  conceived 
numbers  to  e.xist  by  themselves,  besides  the  sensibles,  like  acci- 
dents without  a  substance.  Pythayoras  maintained  that  sensi- 
ble things  consisted  of  numbers,  lb.  lib.  xi.  c.  6.  And  see  Plato 
in  his  Cratylus. 

t  The  Pythagorean  philosophy  held  that  there  were  certain 
mystical  cliarras  in  certain  numbers. 

Plato  held  whatsoe'er  encumbers, 

Or  strengthens  empire,  comes  from  numbers. 

Butler's  MS. 

§  Thus  Cleveland,  page  110.  "  The  next  ingredient  of  a  diur 
nal  is  plots,  horrible  plots,  which  with  wonderful  sagacity  it 
bunts  dry  foot,  while  they  are  yet  in  their  causes,  before  materia 
prima  can  put  on  her  smock." 

II  The  puppet-shews,  sometimes  called  Moralities,  exhibited 
the  chaos,  the  creation,  the  flood,  &c. 


64  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  t 

O'  th'  younger  house  to  puppet-play.* 

He  could  foretel  whats'ever  was, 

By  consequence,  to  come  to  pass : 

As  death  of  great  men,  alterations,  575 

Diseases,  battles,  inundations : 

All  this  without  th'  eclipse  of  th'  sun, 

Or  dreadful  comet,  he  hath  done 

By  INWARD  LIGHT,  a  Way  as  good. 

And  easy  to  be  understood  :  580 

But  with  more  lucky  hit  tlian  those 

That  use  to  make  the  stars  depose. 

Like  knights  o'  th'  post,t  and  falsely  charge 

Upon  themselves  what  others  forge  ; 

As  if  they  were  consenting  to  585 

All  mischief  in  the  world  men  do : 

Or,  like  the  devil,  did  tempt  and  sway  'em 

To  rogueries,  and  then  betray  'em. 

They'll  search  a  planet's  house,  to  know 

Who  broke  and  robb'd  a  house  below  ;  590 

Examine  Venus  and  the  Moon, 

Who  stole  a  thimble  and  a  spoon ; 

And  tho'  they  nothing  will  confess, 

Yet  by  their  very  looks  can  guess, 

And  tell  what  guilty  aspect  bodes,t  595 

*  It  has  not  been  usual  to  compare  hypocrites  to  puppets,  as 
not  being  what  they  seemed  and  pretended,  nor  having  any  true 
meaning  or  real  consciousness  in  what  they  said  or  did.  I  re- 
member two  passages,  written  about  our  author's  time,  from  one 
of  which  he  might  possibly  talve  the  hint.  "  Even  as  statues 
"and  puppets  do  move  their  eyes,  their  hands,  their  feet,  lilve 
"unto  living  men  ;  and  yet  are  not  living  actois,  because  their 
"  actions  come  not  from  an  inward  suul,  the  fountain  of  life,  but 
"  from  the  artificial  poise  of  weights  when  set  by  the  workmen; 
"  even  so  hypocrites."     Mr.  Mede. 

Bishop  Laud  said,  "  that  some  hypocrites,  and  seeming  morti- 
"  fied  men  that  hold  down  their  heads,  were  like  little  images 
"  that  they  place  in  the  bowing  of  the  vaults  of  churches,  that 
"  look  as  if  they  held  up  the  church,  and  yet  are  but  puppets." 

The  first  plays  acted  in  England  were  called  Mysteries  ;  their 
subjects  were  generally  scripture  stories,  such  as  the  Creation, 
the  Deluge,  the  Birth  of  Christ,  the  Resurrection,  &c.  &c. ;  this 
sort  of  puppet-shew  induced  many  to  read  the  Old  and  New 
Testament;  and  is  therefore  called  the  Elder  Brother  of  the 
Reformation. 

t  Knights  of  the  post  were  infamous  persons,  who  attended 
the  courts  of  justice,  to  swear  for  hire  to  things  which  they 
knew  nothing  about.  In  the  14lh  and  loth  centuries  the  common 
people  were  so  profligate,  that  not  a  few  of  them  lived  by  swear- 
ing for  hire  in  courts  of  justice.  See  Henry's  History  of  Eng- 
land, and  Wilkin.  Concil.  p.  53-1. 

i  This,  and  the  following  lines,  are  a  very  ingenious  bur- 
lesque upon  astrology  to  which  many  in  those  days  gave  credit- 


Canto  i.]  HUDIBRAS.  65 

Who  stole,  and  who  receiv'd  the  goods : 

They'll  question  Mars,  and,  by  his  look. 

Detect  who  'twas  that  nimm'd  a  cloke  ; 

Make  Mercury  confess,  and  'peach 

Those  thieves  which  he  himself  did  teach  :*  COO 

They'll  find  i'  th'  physiognomies 

O'  th'  planets,  all  men's  destinies  ; 

Like  him  that  took  the  doctor's  bill. 

And  swallow'd  it  instead  o'  th'  pill,t 

Cast  the  nativity  o'  th'  question, +  605 

And  from  positions  to  be  guest  on. 

As  sure  as  if  they  knew  the  moment 

Of  Native's  birth,  tell  what  will  come  ou  t 

They'll  feel  the  pulses  of  the  stars, 

To  find  out  agues,  coughs,  catarrhs ;  GIO 

And  tell  what  crisis  does  divine 

The  rot  in  sheep,  or  mange  in  swine  : 

In  men,  what  gives  or  cures  the  itch. 

What  made  them  cuckolds,  poor,  or  rich  ; 

What  gains,  or  loses,  hangs,  or  saves,  C15 

What  makes  men  great,  what  fools,  or  knaves  ; 

But  not  what  wise,  for  only  of  those 

The  stars,  they  say,  cannot  dispose, § 

No  more  than  can  the  astrologians : 

There  they  say  right,  and  like  true  Trojans.  C20 


*  Mercury  was  supposed  by  the  poets  to  be  the  patron,  or  god 
of  thieves. 

t  This  alludes  to  a  well-known  story  told  in  Henry  Stephen's 
apology  for  Herodotus.  A  physican  having  prescribed  for  a 
countryman,  gave  him  the  paper  on  which  he  had  written,  and 
told  him,  he  must  be  sure  to  take  that,  meaning  the  potion  he 
had  therein  ordered.  The  countryman,  misunderstanding  the 
doctor,  wrapt  up  the  paper  like  a  bolus,  swallowed  it,  and  was 
cured. 

i  When  any  one  came  to  an  astrologer  to  have  his  child's 
nativity  cast,  and  had  forgotten  the  precise  time  of  its  birth,  the 
figure-caster  took  the  position  of  the  heavens  at  the  minute  the 
question  was  asked. 

Mr.  Butler,  in  his  character  of  an  hermetic  philosopher,  (see 
Genuine  Remains,  vol.  ii.  p.  241,)  says,  "  learned  astrologers  ob- 
"  serving  the  impossibility  of  knowing  the  exact  moment  of  any 
"man's  birth,  do  use  very  prudently  to  cast  the  nativity  of  tha 
"  question,  (like  him  that  swallowed  the  doctor's  bill  instead  of 
"  the  medicine,)  and  find  the  answer  as  certain  and  infallible,  as 
"if  they  had  known  the  very  instant  in  which  the  native,  as 
"they  call  him,  crept  into  the  world." 

5  Sapiens  dominabitiir  astris,  was  an  old  proverb  among  the 
astrologers.  Bishop  VVarburton  observes,  that  the  obscurity  in 
these  lines  arises  from  the  double  sense  of  the  word  Dispose ; 
when  it  relates  to  the  stars,  it  signifies  infiuence  ;  when  it  relates 
to  astrologers  it  signifies  deceive. 


66  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  t 

This  Ralpho  knew,  and  therefore  tajk 
The  other  course  of  which  we  spoke.* 

Thus  was  th'  accomphsh'd  squire  endu'd 
With  gifts  and  knowledge  per'lous  shrewd. 
Never  did  trusty  squire  with  knight,  625 

Or  knight  with  squire,  e'er  junjp  more  right. 
Their  arms  and  equipage  did  fit. 
As  weU  as  virtues,  parts,  and  wit : 
Their  valors,  too,  were  of  a  rate, 
And  out  they  sally'd  at  the  gate.  630 

Few  miles  on  horseback  had  they  jogged. 
But  fortune  unto  them  turn'd  dogged  ; 
For  they  a  sad  adventure  met. 
Of  which  we  now  prepare  to  treat : 
.  But  ere  we  venture  to  unfold  o35 

Achieve'ments  so  resolv'd,  and  bold. 
We  should,  as  learned  poets  use. 
Invoke  th'  assistance  of  some  muse  ;t 
However  critics  count  it  sillier. 

Than  jugglers  talking  t'  a  familiar  :  640 

We  think  'tis  no  great  matter  which  ,\ 
They're  all  alike,  yet  we  shall  pitch 
On  one  that  fits  our  purpose  most. 
Whom  therefore  thus  we  do  accost : — 

Thou  that  with  ale  or  viler  liquors,  645 

Didst  inspire  Withers,  Piyn,  and  Vickars,§ 


*  Ralpho  did  not  take  to  astrological,  but  to  reliiiious  impos- 
ture ;  the  autlior  intimating  tliat  wise  men  were  sometimes  de- 
ceived by  tliis. 

t  Butler  could  not  omit  burlesquing  the  solenm  Invocations 
with  wliich  poets  address  their  Muses.  In  like  manner  .luvenal, 
going  to  describe  Domitian's  great  turbot,  ludicrously  invokes 
the  assistance  of  the  Muses  in  his  fourth  satire. 

t  Bishop  Warburton  thinks  it  should  be  read,  They  think,  tha. 
Is  the  critics. 

§  The  Rev.  Mr.  Charles  Dunster,  the  learned  and  ingenious 
translator  of  the  Frogs  of  Aristophanes,  and  the  Editor  of 
Philips's  Cider,  has  taken  some  pains  to  vindicate  the  character 
of  Withers  as  a  poet.  Party  might  induce  Butler  to  speak  slight- 
ingly of  him  ;  but  he  seems  to  wonder  why  Swift,  and  Granger 
in  his  Biographical  History,  should  hold  him  up  as  an  object  of 
contempt.  His  works  are  very  numerous,  and  Mr.  Granger  says, 
his  Eclogues  are  esteemed  the  best ;  but  Mr.  Dunster  gives  a 
few  lines  from  his  Britain's  Remembrancer,  a  poem  in  eight 
Cantos,  written  upon  occasion  of  the  plague,  which  raged  in 
London  in  the  year  1625,  which  bear  some  resemblance  to  east- 
ern poetry :  two  pieces  of  his,  by  no  means  contemptible,  are 
published  among  the  old  English  ballads,  and  extracts  chiefly 
lyrical,  from  his  Juvenilia,  were  printed  in  1785,  for  J.  Sewelt. 
Cornhill. 

George  Withers  died  1667,  aged  79.— For  a  further  account  ot 


Canto  i.]  HUDIBRAS.  67 

And  force  them,  though  it  were  in  spite 

Of  Nature,  and  their  stars,  to  write  ; 

Who,  as  we  find  in  sullen  writs,* 

And  cross-grain'd  works  of  modem  wits,  650 

With  vanity,  opinion,  want, 

Tllfe  wonder  of  the  ignorant. 

The  praises  of  the  author,  penn'd 

By  himself,  or  wit-insuring  friend  ;t 

The  itch  of  picture  in  the  front, t  655 

With  bays,  and  wicked  rhyme  upon't. 


him,  see  Rennet's  Register  and  Chronicle,  page  648 :  He  is  men- 
tioned in  Hudibras,  Part  ii.  Canto  iii.  1.  1G9. 

The  extract  from  his  Britain's  Remembrancer  here  follows, 
which,  Mr.  Dunster  says,  may  perhaps  challenge  "  comparison 
"  with  any  instance  of  the  dibs  airb  fii']X<^>''ii  ^f  ancient  or  mod- 
"ern  poetry." 

it  prov'd 

A  crpng  sin,  and  so  extremely  niov'd 
God's  gentleness,  that  angry  he  became : 
His  brows  were  bended,  and  his  eyes  did  flame. 
Melhought  I  saw  it  so  ;  and  though  I  were 
Afraid  within  his  presence  to  appear, 
Rly  soul  was  rais'd  above  her  common  station. 
Where,  what  ensues,  I  view'd  by  contemplation. 
There  is  a  spacious  round,  which  bravely  rears 
Her  arch  above  the  top  of  all  the  spheres, 
Until  her  bright  circumference  doth  rise, 
Above  the  reach  of  man's,  or  angels'  eyes. 
Conveying,  through  the  bodies  chrystalline, 
Those  rays  which  on  our  lower  globes  do  shine; 
And  all  the  great  and  lesser  orbs  do  lie 
Within  the  compass  of  their  canopy. 

In  this  large  room  of  state  is  fix'd  a  throne, 
From  whence  the  wise  Creator  looks  upon 
His  workmanship,  and  thence  doth  hear  and  see 
All  sounds,  all  places,  and  all  things  that  be : 
Here  sat  the  king  of  gods,  and  from  about 
His  eye-lids  so  much  terror  sparkled  out. 
That  every  circle  of  the  heavens  it  shook, 
And  all  the  world  did  tremble  at  his  look 
The  prospect  of  the  sky,  that  erst  was  clear, 
Did  with  a  low'ring  countenance  appear; 
The  troubled  air  before  his  presence  tied. 
The  earth  into  her  bosom  shrunk  her  head ; 
The  deeps  did  roar,  the  heights  did  stand  amaz'd 
The  moon  and  stars  upon  each  other  gaz'd  ; 
The  sun  did  stand  unmoved  in  his  path, 
The  host  of  heaven  was  frighted  at  his  wrath  ; 
And  with  a  voice,  which  made  all  nature  quake. 
To  this  effect  the  great  Eternal  spake.       Canto  i.  p.  17 

*  That  is,  ill-natured  satirical  writings. 

T  He  very  ingeniously  ridicules  the  vanity  of  authors  who 
prefix  commendatory  verses  to  their  works. 

+  Milton,  who  had  a  high  opinion  of  his  own  person,  is  said 
'o  have  been  angry  with  the  painter  or  engraver  for  want  of 


68  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  i 

All  that  is  left  o'  th'  forked  hill* 

To  make  men  scribble  without  skill ; 

Canst  make  a  poet,  spite  of  fate, 

And  teach  ail  people  to  translate  ;  660 

Thougli  out  of  languages,  in  which 

They  understand  no  part  of  speech  ; 

Assist  me  but  this  once,  I  'mplore, 

And  I  shall  trouble  thee  no  more. 

In  western  clime  there  is  a  town,t  663 

To  those  that  dwell  therein  well  known, 
Therefore  there  needs  no  more  be  said  here, 
We  unto  them  refer  our  reader  ; 
For  brevity  is  very  good, 

When  w'  are,  or  are  not  understood.t  670 

To  this  town  people  did  repair 
On  days  of  market,  or  of  fair. 
And  to  crack'd  fiddle,  and  hoarse  tabor, 
In  merriment  did  drudge  and  labor ; 
But  now  a  sport  more  formidable  675 

Had  rak'd  together  village  rabble : 
'Twas  an  old  way  of  recreating, 
Which  learned  butchers  call  bear-baiting ; 
A  bold  advent'rous  exercise, 

With  ancient  heroes  in  high  prize  ;  680 

For  authors  do  affirm  it  came 
From  Isthmian  or  Nemean  game  ; 
Others  derive  it  from  the  bear 
That's  fix'd  m  northern  hemisphere, 

likeness,  or  perhaps  for  want  of  grace,  in  a  print  of  himself  pre 
fixed  to  his  juvenile  poems.  He  e.xpressed  his  displeasure  in 
four  iambics,  which  have,  indeed,  no  great  merit,  and  lie  open 
to  severe  criticism,  particularly  on  the  word  ivafiijiriiia. 

'Ai^aOu  ytyiidipOai  x«ip(  ri/vSe  jiiu  fiKova 
^ai;jg  Td)(^'  av,  ttoos  c7&oi  avToipves  fiXi^ruv. 
Toi/  5'  Iktvkutov  ovk  iTTtyvdvTes,  (piXoi, 
TzKaTC  (pauXov  bvafxijiriixa  ^uypa^ou. 
♦  That  is,  Parnassus  , 

Nee  fonte  labra  proUii  caballino: 
Nee  in  bicipiti  somniasse  Parnasso 
Memini,  ut  repente  sic  pocta  prodirem. 

Persii  Sat.  Prol 

t  He  probably  means  Brentford,  about  eight  miles  west  oi 
London.    See  Part  ii.  Canto  iii.  v.  996. 

J  If  we  are  understood,  more  words  are  unnecessary;  if  W6 
are  not  likely  to  be  understood,  they  are  useless.  Charles  II. 
answered  the  Earl  of  Manchester  with  these  lines,  only  chang 
Ing  verij  for  ever.,  when  he  was  making  a  long  speech  in  favol 
of  the  dissenters. 


Canto  i.]  HUDIBRAS.  69 

And  round  about  the  poles  does  make  C85 

A  circle,  like  a  bear  at  stake, 

That  at  the  chain's  end  wheels  about, 

And  overturns  the  rabble-rout : 

For  after  solemn  proclamation,*    . 

In  the  bear's  name,  as  is  the  fashion,  690 

According  to  the  law  of  arms. 

To  keep  men  from  inglorious  harms, 

lliat  none  presume  to  come  so  near 

As  forty  feet  of  stake  of  bear ; 

If  any  yet  be  so  fool-hardy,  695 

T'  expose  themselves  to  vain  jeopardy, 

If  they  come  wounded  off  and  lame, 

No  honor's  got  by  such  a  maim, 

Altho'  the  bear  gain  much,  b'ing  bound 

In  honour  to  make  good  his  ground,  700 

When  he's  engag'd,  and  take  no  notice. 

If  any  press  upon  him,  who  'lis. 

But  lets  them  know,  at  their  own  cost. 

That  he  intends  to  keep  his  post. 

This  to  prevent,  and  other  harms,  705 

Which  always  wait  on  feats  of  arms. 

For  in  the  hurry  of  a  fray 

'Tis  hard  to  keep  out  of  harm  s  way. 

Thither  the  Knight  his  course  did  steer. 

To  keep  the  peace  'twixt  dog  and  bear,  710 

As  he  believ'd  he  was  bound  to  do 

In  conscience,  and  commission  too  ;t 

And  therefore  thus  bespoke  the  Squire : — 

We  that  are  wisely  mounted  higher 
Thau  constables  in  curule  wit,  715 

When  on  tribunal  bench  we  sit,t 

*  The  proclamation  here  mentioned,  was  usually  made  at 
bear  or  biill-baiting.  See  Plot's  Statlbrdshire,  4.19.  Solemn 
proclamation  made  by  the  steward,  that  all  manner  of  persons 
give  way  to  the  bull,  or  bear,  none  being  to  come  near  him  by 
forty  feet. 

t  The  Presbyterians  and  Independents  were  great  enemies  to 
those  sports  with  which  the  country  people  amused  themselves. 
Mr.  Hume,  in  the  last  volume  of  his  History  of  England,  (Man- 
ners of  the  Commonwealth,  chap.  iii.  anno  1660,  page  119,)  says, 
"All  recreations  were  in  a  manner  suspended,  by  the  rigid 
"severity  of  the  Presbyterians  and  Independents:  even  bear- 
"  baiting  was  esteemed  heathenish  and  unchristian:  the  sport 
"  of  it,  not  the  inhumanity,  gave  offence.  Colonel  Hewson, 
"from  his  pious  zeal,  marched  with  his  regiment  into  London, 
"and  destroyed  all  the  bears  which  were  there  kept  for  the 
"  diversion  of  the  citizens.  This  a  dventure  seems  to  have  given 
"birth  to  the  fiction  of  Hudibras." 

t  We  that  are  in  high  office,  and  sit  on  the  bench  by  commls- 


70  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  i 

Like  speculators,  should  foresee, 

From  Pharos  of  authority, 

Portended  mischiefs  farther  than 

Low  proletarian  tything-men  :*  721 

And  therefore  being  inform'd  by  bruit, 

That  dog  and  bear  are  to  dispute. 

For  so  of  late  men  fighting  name, 

Because  they  often  prove  the  same ; 

For  where  the  first  does  hap  to  be,  725 

The  last  does  coincidere. 

Quantum  in  nobis,  have  thought  good 

To  save  th'  expence  of  Christian  blood, 

And  try  if  we,  by  mediation 

Of  treaty  and  accommodation,  730 

Can  end  the  quarrel,  and  compose 

The  bloody  duel  without  blows. 

Are  not  our  liberties,  oJir  lives, 
The  laws,  religion,  and  our  wives. 
Enough  at  once  to  lie  at  stake  735 

For  cov'nant,  and  the  cause's  sake  ?t 
But  iu  that  quarrel  dogs  and  bears. 
As  well  as  we,  must  venture  theirs? 
This  feud  by  Jesuits  invented,! 

By  evil  counsel  is  fomented ;  740 

There  is  a  Machiavilian  plot, 
Tho'  ev'ry  uare  olfact  it  not,§ 


sion  as  justices  of  the  peace. — Some  of  the  chief  magistrates  in 
Rome,  as  ffidile,  censor,  prcetor,  and  consul,  were  said  to  hold 
curule  offices,  from  the  chair  of  state  or  chariot  they  rode  in, 
called  sella  curulis. 

*  Proletarii  were  the  lowest  class  of  people  among  the  Ro- 
mans, who  had  no  property,  so  called  a  munere  officioque  prolis 
edendae,  as  if  the  only  good  they  did  to  the  state  were  in  beset- 
ting ohildren.  Tything-man.  that  is,  a  kind  of  inferior  or  deputy 
constable. 

t  Covenant  means  the  solemn  league  and  covenant  drawn  up 
by  the  Scotch,  and  subscribed  by  many  of  the  sectaries  in 
England,  who  were  fond  of  calling  their  party  The  Cause,  or 
the  greatest  cause  in  the  world.  They  professed  they  would 
not  forsake  it  for  all  the  parliaments  upon  earth.  One  of  their 
writers  says,  "Will  not  the  abjurers  of  the  covenant,  of  all 
"others,  be  the  chief  of  sinners,  whilst  they  become  guilty  of  no 
"less  sin,  than  the  very  sin  against  the  Holy  Ghost  1" 

i  As  Don  Q-uixote  was  dreaming  of  chivalry  and  romances, 
so  it  was  the  great  object  of  our  knight  to  extirpate  popery  and 
independency  in  religion,  and  to  reform  and  settle  the  state. 

$  The  knight,  in  tiiis  speech,  employs  more  Latin,  and  more 
Uncouth  phrases,  than  he  usually  does.  In  this  line  he  means — 
though  every  nose  do  not  smell  it.  Tiie  character  of  his  lan- 
guage was  given  before  in  the  ninety-first,  and  some  following 


VANTO  I.]  HUDIBRAS.  ^l 

And  deep  design  in't  to  divide 

The  well-afFected  tiiat  confide, 

By  setting  brotlier  against  brotlier,  74' 

To  claw  and  curry  one  auotlier. 

Have  we  not  enemies  plus  satis, 

That  cane  et  angue  pejus*  hate  us  ? 

And  shall  we  turn  our  fangs  and  claws 

Upon  our  own  selves,  without  cause  ?  750 

That  some  occult  design  doth  lie 

In  bloody  cynarctomachy,! 

Is  plain  enough  to  him  that  knows 

How  saints  lead  brothers  by  the  nose. 

I  wish  myself  a  pseudo-prophet, t  755 

But  sure  some  mischief  will  come  of  it, 

Unless  by  providential  wit. 

Or  force,  we  averruncate§  it. 

For  what  design,  what  fnterest. 

Can  beast  have  to  encounter  beast?  760 

They  fight  for  no  espoused  cause. 

Frail  privilege,  fundamental  laws,|| 


*  A  proverbial  saying,  used  by  Horace,  expressive  of  a  bitter 
aversion,  Tlie  punishment  for  parricide  amona;  the  Romans 
was,  to  be  put  into  a  sack  with  a  snake,  a  dog,  and  an  ape,  and 
thrown  into  the  river. 

t  Cynarctomachy  is  compounded  of  three  Greek  words,  signi- 
fying a  fight  between  dogs  and  bears.  The  perfect  Uiurnal  of 
some  passages  of  Parliament  from  July  24  to  July  31,  1(H3,  No. 
4,  gives  an  account  how  the  Queen  brought  from  Holland  "  be- 
sides a  company  of  savage  ruffians  a  company  of  savage  bears  ;" 
Colonel  Cromwell  tinding  the  people  of  Uppingham,  in  Rutland- 
shire, baiting  them  on  the  Lord's  day,  and  in  the  height  of  their 
sport,  caused  the  bears  to  be  seized,  tied  to  a  tree,  and  shot. 
We  tax'd  you  round — sixpence  the  pound, 
And  massacred  your  bears Loyal  Songs. 

X  That  is,  a  lalse  prophet. 

6  Jiverruncate,  means  no  more  than  eradicate,  or  phick  up. 

(l  The  following  lines  recite  the  grounds  on  which  the  parlia- 
ment began  the  war  against  the  king,  and  justified  their  pro- 
ceedings afterwards.  He  calls  the  privileges  of  parliament  frail, 
because  they  were  so  very  apt  to  complain  of  their  being  broken 
Whatever  the  king  did,  or  refused  to  do,  contrary  to  the  senti 
ments,  and  unsuitable  to  the  designs  of  parliament,  they  voted 
presently  a  breach  of  their  privilege :  his  dissenting  to  any  of 
the  bills  they  oflered  him  was  a  breach  of  privilege  :  his  pro- 
claiming them  traitors,  who  were  in  arms  against  him,  was  a  high 
bleach  of  their  nrivilege :  and  the  commons  at  last  voted  It  a 
breach  of  privilege  fur  the  house  of  lords  to  refuse  assent  to  any 
thing  that  came  from  the  lower  house. 

Both  the  English  and  the  Scotch,  from  the  beginning  of  the 
war,  avouched  that  their  whole  proceedings  were  according  to 
the  fundamental  laws:  by  which  (hey  meant  not  any  statutes 
or  laws  in  being,  but  their  own  sense  of  the  constitution.  Thus, 
after  the  king's  death,  the  Dutch  ambassadors  were  told,  that 


72  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  i 

Nor  for  a  thorough  reformation, 

Nor  covenant,  nor  protestation,* 

Nor  liberty  of  coiisciences,t  765 

Nor  lords'  and  commons'  ordinances  ;t 

Nor  for  the  church,  nor  for  church-lands, 

To  get  them  in  their  own  no  hands  ;§ 

Nor  evil  counsellers  to  bring 

To  justice,  that  seduce  the  King ;  770 

Nor  for  the  worship  of  us  men, 

Tho'  we  have  done  as  much  for  them. 

Th'  Egyptians  worshipp'd  dogs,  and  for 

Their  faith  made  fierce  and  zealous  war.|) 

Others  ador'd  a  rat,  and  some  775 

For  that  church  suiFer'd  martyrdom. 

The  Indians  fought  for  the  truth 

Of  th'  elephant  and  monkey's  tooth  ;1f 

And  many,  to  defend  that  faith. 

Fought  it  out  mordicus  to  death  ;**  780 

But  no  beast  ever  was  so  slight,tt 

For  man,  as  for  his  god  to  fight. 

They  have  more  wit,  alas !  and  know 

Themselves  and  us  better  than  so : 

But  we  who  only  do  infuse  785 

The  rage  in  them  like  boute-feus,tt 


what  the  parliament  had  done  against  the  king  was  according 
to  the  fundamental  laws  of  this  nation  which  were  best  known 
to  themselves. 

*  The  protestation  was  a  solemn  vow  or  resolution  entered 
into,  and  subscribed,  the  first  year  of  the  long  parliament. 

t  The  early  editions  have  it  free  liberty  of  consciences  :  and 
this  reading  IJishop  Warburton  approves ;  "  free  liberty"  being, 
as  he  thinks,  a  satirical  periphrasis  for  licentiousness,  which  is 
what  the  author  here  hints  at. 

%  An  ordinance  (says  Cleveland,  p.  109)  is  a  law  still-born, 
dropt  before  quickened  by  the  royal  assent.  'Tis  one  of  the 
parliament's  by-blows,  acts  only  being  legitimate,  and  hath  no 
more  fire  than  a  Spanish  gennet,  that  is  begotten  by  the  wind. 

$  Suppose  we  read.  To  get  them  into  their  own  hands.  [Mr. 
Nash  is  wrong — no  hands  here  means  paws.} 

11  See  the  beginning  of  the  fifteenth  satire  of  Juvenal. 

IT  The  inhabitants  of  Ceylon  and  Siam  are  said  to  have  had 
in  their  temples,  as  objects  of  worship,  the  teeth  of  monkeys  and 
of  elephants.  The  Portuguese,  out  of  zeal  for  the  Christian 
religion,  destroyed  these  idols  ;  and  the  Siamese  are  said  to  have 
offered  700,000  ducats  to  redeem  a  monkey's  tooth  which  they 
had  long  worshipped.  Le  Blanc's  Travels,  and  Herbert's  Trav- 
els. Martinus  Scriblerus,  of  the  Origin  of  Sciences,  Swift's 
works. 

**  Mordicus,  valiantly,  tooth  and  nail. 

tt  That  is,  so  weak,  so  silly. 

Xi  Makers  of  mischief,  exciters  of  sedition 


Canto  i.]  HUDIBRAS.  73 

'Tis  our  example  tliat  instils 

In  them  the  infection  of  our  ills. 

For,  as  some  late  philosopiiers 

Have  well  observ'd,  beasts  that  converse  790 

With  man  take  after  him,  as  hogs 

Get  pigs  all  th'  year,  and  bitches  dogs.* 

Just  so,  by  our  example,  cattle 

Learn  to  give  one  another  battle. 

We  read,  in  Nero's  time,  the  Heathen,  793 

When  they  destroyed  the  Christian  brethren, 

They  sew'd  them  in  the  skins  of  bears, 

And  then  set  dogs  about  their  ears ; 

From  whence,  no  doubt,  th'  invention  came 

Of  this  lewd  antichristian  game.  800 

To  this,  quoth  Ralpho,  verily  * 

The  point  seems  very  plain  to  me  ; 
It  is  an  antichristian  game. 
Unlawful  both  in  thing  and  name. 
First,  for  the  name  :  the  word  bear-baiting  805 

Is  carnal,  and  of  man's  creating  ; 
For  certainly  there's  no  such  word 
In  all  the  Scripture  on  record  ; 
Therefore  unlawful,  and  a  sin  ;t 


*  This  faculty  is  not  unfrequently  instanced  by  the  ancients, 
to  show  the  superior  excellence  of  mankind.  Xenophon,  INleni. 
i.  4.  ]2.  A  Roman  lady  seems  to  have  been  of  the  sa'me  opinion. 
"Populia,  Marci  filia,  miranti  cuidam  quid  esset  quapropter  alisB 
"  bestice  nunquam  mareni  desiderarent  nisi  cum  praegnantes  vel- 
''  lent  fieri,  respondit,  bestim  enim  suiit.^'  Macrob.  Saturn,  lib. 
ii.  cap.  5.  Vide  etiam  Just.  Lipsii.  Epist.  Qua'st.  lib.  v.  e|)ist.  3, 
et  Andreani  Laurent,  lib.  viii.  Hist.  Anatoni.  QuiBst.  2-2,  ubi 
causas  adducit  cur  bruta;  gravidcB  inarem  noii  admiltunt,  ut  inter 
homines  mulier. 

t  Some  of  the  disciplinarians  held,  that  the  Scriptures  were 
full  and  express  on  every  subject,  and  that  every  thing  was  sin- 
ful, which  was  not  there  ordered  to  be  done.  Some  of  the  Hu- 
guenots refused  to  pay  rent  to  their  landlords,  unless  they  would 
produce  a  text  of  Scripture  directing  them  to  do  so. 

At  a  meeting  of  Cartwright,  Travers,  and  other  dissenting 
ministers  in  London,  it  was  resolved,  that  such  names  as  did 
savor  either  of  Paganism  or  Popery  should  not  be  used,  but  only 
Scripture  names;  accordingly  Snape  refused  to  baptize  a  child 
by  the  name  of  Richard. 

They  formed  popular  arguments  for  deposing  and  murdering 
kings,  from  the  examples  of  Saul,  Agag,  Jeroboam,  Jehoran,  and 
the  like. 

This  reminds  me  of  a  story  I  have  heard,  and  which,  perhaps, 
IS  recorded  among  Joe  Miller's  Jests,  of  a  countryman  going 
along  the  street,  in  the  time  of  Cromwell,  and  inquiring  the  way 
to  St.  Anne's  church — the  person  inquired  of,  happening  to  be  a 
Presbyterian,  said,  he  knew  no  such  person  as  Saint  Anne ;  go- 
ing a  little  tarther,  h«'  asked  another  mar  which  was  the  way  to 
4 


74  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  i 

And  so  is,  second  y,  the  thing :  810 

A  vile  assembly  'tis,  that  can 

No  more  be  proved  by  Scripture,  than 

Provincial,  classic,  national  ;* 

Mere  human  creature-cobwebs  all. 

Thirdly,  It  is  idolatrous  ;  815 

For  when  men  run  a-whoring  thus 

With  their  inventions,!  whatsoe'er 

The  thing  be,  whether  dog  or  bear, 

It  is  idolatrous  and  pagan, 

No  less  than  worshipping  of  Dagou.  630 

Quoth  Hudibras,  I  smell  a  rat ; 
Ralpho  thou  dost  prevaricate  ; 
For  though  the  thesis  which  thou  lay'st 
Be  true,  ad'amussim,t  as  thou  say'st ; 
For  the  bear-baiting  should  appear,  82S 

Jure  divino,  lawfuller 
Than  synods  are,  thou  dost  deny, 
Totidem  verbis — so  do  I ; 
Yet  there's  a  fallacy  in  this  ; 

For  if  by  sly  homQBOsis,§  830 

Thou  wouldst  sophisticaliy  imply 
Both  are  unlawful — I  deny. 

And  I,  quoth  Ralpho,  do  not  doubt 
But  beai  baiting  may  be  made  out. 
In  gospel-times,  as  lawful  as  is  835 

Provincial,  or  parochial  classis,; 
And  that  both  are  so  near  of  kin, 


Anne's  church  ?  he  being  a  cavalier,  said,  Anne  was  a  Saint 
hefore  he  was  born,  and  would  be  after  he  was  hanged,  and  gave 
him  no  information. 

*  Ralpho  here  shows  his  independent  principles,  and  his  avcr- 
sioK  to  the  Presbyterian  forms  of  church  government.  If  the 
squire  had  adopted  the  knight's  sentiments,  this  curious  dispute 
could  not  have  been  introduced.  The  vile  assembly  here  means 
the  bear-baiting,  but  alludes  typically  to  the  assembly  of  divines. 

t  A  Scripture  phrase  used.    Psalm  cvi.  ver.  38. 

j  Exactly  true,  and  according  to  rule. 

5  That  is,  an  explanation  of  a  thing  by  something  resembling  it. 

At  this  place  two  lines  are  omitted  in  several  editions,  particu- 
larly in  those  corrected  by  the  author.    They  run  thus : 
Tussis  pro  crepitu,  an  art 
Under  a  cough  to  slur  a  f — rt. 

The  edition  of  1701  has  replaced  them :  they  were  omitted  in 
the  poet's  corrected  copy ;  probably  he  thought  them  indelicate : 
the  phrase  is  translated  from  the  Greek. 

Bi)^  dvTi  TTopitjg.  fri  twv  Iv  arroplqi  -Kpoattoiuixivutv  trcpov  r'l 
vpdrrdv.  Trap  oaov  o\  iripSovTCi;  Xavddvetv  Treipdjifvoi,  vpomroi- 
ovvTai  PirjTTCiv.     Suldas  in  Voc. 


I 


Canto  i.]  HUDIBRAS.  7& 

And  like  in  all,  as  well  as  sin, 

That,  put  'em  in  a  bag  and  shake  'em, 

Yourself  o'  th'  sudden  would  mistake  'em,  810 

And  not  know  which  is  which,  unless 

You  measure  by  their  wickedness  ; 

For  'tis  not  hard-t'  imagine  whether 

O'  th'  two  is  worst,  tho'  I  name  neither 

Quoth  Hudibras,  Thou  ofFer'st  much,  845 

But  art  not  able  to  keep  touch. 
Mira  de  lente,*  as  'tis  i'  the  adage. 
Id  est,  to  make  a  leek  a  cabbage  ; 
Thou  canst  at  best  but  overstrain 
A  paradox,  and  th'  own  hot  brain  ;  8&0 

For  what  can  synods  have  at  all 
With  bear  that's  analogical  ? 
Or  what  relation  has  debating 
Of  church-affairs  with  bear-baiting? 
A  just  comparison  still  is  855 

Of  things  ejnsdem  generis  ; 
And  then  what  genus  rightly  doth 
Include  and  comprehend  them  both? 
If  animal,  both  of  us  may 

As  justly  pass  for  bears  as  they  ;  860 

For  we  are  animals  no  less. 
Although  of  diff 'rent  specieses.t 
But,  Ralpho,  this  is  no  fit  place, 
Nor  time,  to  argue  out  the  case : 
For  now  the  field  is  not  far  off,  865 

Where  we  must  give  the  world  a  proof 
Of  deeds,  not  words,  and  such  as  suit 
Another  manner  of  dispute : 
A  controversy  that  affords 

Actions  for  arguments,  not  words ;  B70 

Which  we  must  manage  at  a  rate 
Of  prowess,  and  conduct  adequate 
To  what  our  place  and  fame  doth  promise, 
x\nd  all  the  godly  expect  from  us. 
Nor  shall  they  be  deceiv'd,  unless  875 


*  Ativa  ncpl  (j>aKrjs  :  A  great  stir  about  nothing. 
Great  cry  and  little  wool,  as  they  say  when  any  one  talks 
much,  and  proves  nothing.    The  following  lines  stand  thus,  in 
some  editions,  viz. : 

Thou  wilt  at  best  but  suck  a  bull. 
Or  sheer  swine,  all  cry,  and  no  wool. 

t  Why  should  we  not  read,  Although  of  different  species  1 
Bt'  also  in  Part  ii.  Canto  iii.  v.  317. 


76  ■  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  i. 

W  are  slurred  and  outed  by  success ; 
Success,  the  mark  no  mortal  wit, 
Or  surest  hand  can  always  hit : 
For  whatsoe'er  we  perpetrate, 

We  do  but  row,  w'  are  steer'd  by  fate,*  ggo 

Which  in  success  oft  disinherits. 
For  spurious  causes,  noblest  merits. 
Great  actions  are  not  always  true  sons 
Of  great  and  mighty  resolutions  ; 
Nor  do  the  bold'st  attempts  bring  forth  883 

Events  still  equal  to  their  worth  ; 
But  sometimes  fail,  and  in  their  stead 
Fortune  and  cowardice  succeed. 
•  Yet  we  have  no  great  cause  to  doubt. 
Our  actions  still  have  borne  us  out ;  890 

Which,  tho'  they're  known  to  be  so  ample 
We  need  not  copy  from  example  ; 
We're  not  the  only  persons  durst 
Attempt  this  province,  nor  the  first. 
In  northern  clime  a  val'rous  knightt  895 

Did  whilom  kill  his  bear  in  fight, 
And  wound  a  fiddler :  we  have  both 
Of  these  the  objects  of  our  wroth, 
And  equal  fame  and  glory  from 

Til'  attempt,  or  victory  to  come.  900 

'Tis  sung,  there  is  a  valiant  JVIamaluke 
In  foreign  land,  yclep'd 1 


*  The  Presbyterians  were  strong  fatalists,  and  great  advocates 
for  predestination.    Virgil  says,  Mn.  ix.  1.  95 : 

O  genetrix  !  quo  fata  vocas  1  atit  quid  petis  istis  ? 

Mortaline  nianu  facts  iminortale  carinae 

Fas  haieanf? 
t  Hudibras  encourages  himself  by  two  precedents;  first,  that 
of  a  gentleman  who  killed  a  bear  and  wounded  a  fiddler  ;  and 
secondly,  that  of  Sir  Samuel  Luke,  who  had  often,  as  a  magis- 
trate, been  engaged  in  similar  adventures.  He  was  proud  to  re- 
semble the  one  in  this  particular  exploit,  and  the  other  in  his 
general  character. 

There  were  several,  in  those  days,  who,  like  Sir  Hudibras,  set 
themselves  violently  to,  oppose  bear-baiting.  Oliver  Cromwell 
is  said  to  have  shot  several  bears ;  and  the  same  is  said  of 
Colonel  Pride.  See  note  ante,  ver.  752,  and  Harleian  Miscellany, 
vol.  iii.  p.  132.' 

i  The  break  is  commonly  filled  up  with  the  name  of  Sir  Sam- 
uel Luke.  See  the  note  at  line  14.  The  word  Man)luck  signifies 
acquired,  possessed  :  and  the  Mamlukes  or  Mamalukes  were 
persons  carried  off,  in  their  childhood,  by  merchants  or  banditti, 
from  Georgia,  Circassia,  Natolia,  and  the  various  provinces  of 
the  Ottoman  empire,  and  afterwards  sold  in  Constantinople  and 
Grand  Cairo.    The  grandees  of  Egypt,  who  had  a  similar  ori- 


Canto  i.]  HUDIBRAS.  77 

To  whom  we  have  been  oft  compar'd 
For  person,  parts,  address,  and  beard  ; 
Both  equally  reputed  stout,  305 

And  in  the  same  cause  both  have  fought : 
He  oft,  in  such  attempts  as  these, 
Came  off  with  glory  and  success  : 
Nor  wiU  we  fail  in  th'  execution. 
For  want  of  equal  resolution.  010 

Honor  is,  like  a  widow,  won 
With  brisk  attempt  and  putting  on  ; 
;  With  ent'ring  manfully  and  urging  ; 
Not  slow  approaches,  like  a  virgin. 

This  said,  as  once  the  Phrygian  knight,*  915 

So  ours,  with  rusty  steel  did  smite 
His  Trojan  horse,  and  just  as  much 
He  mended  pace  upon  the  touch  ; 
But  from  his  empty  stomach  groan'd, 
Just  as  that  hollow  beast  did  sound.  920 

And,  angry,  answer'd  from  behind. 
With  brandish'd  tail  and  blast  of  wind. 
So  have  I  seen,  with  armed  heel, 
A  wight  bestride  a  Common-weal,t 
While  still  the  more  he  kick'd  and  spurr'd,  925 

The  less  the  sullen  jade  has  stirred.^ 


gin,  bring  them  up  in  their  liouses.  They  often  rise  first  to  be 
cachefs  or  lieutenants,  and  then  to  be  beys  or  petty  tyrants. 
Volney's  Travels.  Thus,  in  the  English  civil  wars,  many  rose 
from  the  lowest  ranis  in  life  to  considerable  power. 

*  Laocoon ;  who,  at  the  siege  of  Troy,  struck  the  wooden 
horse  with  his  spear — 

Sic  fatus,  validis  ingentem  viribus  hastani 
In  latus  inque  feri  curvam  compagibus  alvum 
Contorsit:  stetitilla  tremens,  uteroque  recusso 
Insonuere  cava  gemitumque  dedere  cavernie. 

Virg.  ^neid.  ii.  50. 

t  Our  poet  might  possibly  have  in  mind  a  print  engraven  in 
Holland.  It  represented  a  cow,  the  emblem  of  the  Common- 
wealth, with  the  king  of  Spain  on  her  back  kicking  and  spurriiig 
her;  the  queen  of  England  before,  stopping  and  feeding  her; 
the  prince  of  Orange  milking  her;  and  the  duke  of  Anjou  behind 
pulling  her  back  by  the  tail.  Heylin's  Cosmog.  After  the 
Spaniards,  in  a  war  of  forty  years,  had  spent  a  hundred  millions 
of  crowns,  and  had  lost  four  hundred  thousand  men,  they  were 
forced  to  acknowledge  the  independence  of  the  Dutch  provinces, 
and  conclude  a  peace  with  them  :  yet,  strange  to  tell,  another 
nation  did  not  grow  wise  by  this  example. 

t  Mr.  Butler  had  been  witness  to  the  refractory  humor  of  the 
nation,  not  only  under  the  weak  government  of  Richard  Crom 
well,  but  in  many  instances  under  the  more  adroit  and  resolute 
management  of  Oliver     Both  father  and  son  have  been  com 


78  IIUDIBRAS.  [Part  » 

pared  to  the  riders  of  a  restive  horse  by  some  loyal  songsters 
the  following  lines  probably  allude  to  Oliver: — 

Nol,  a  rank  rider,  got  fast  in  the  saddle, 

And  made  her  shew  tricks,  and  curvet  aud  rebound: 
She  quickly  perceived  he  rode  vviddle  waddle, 

And  like  his*  coach-horse  threw  his  highness  to  ground 
Then  Dick,  being  lame,  rode  holding  the  pummel, 

Not  having  the  wit  to  get  hold  of  the  rein  : 
But  the  jade  did  so  snort  at  the  sight  of  a  Cromwell, 

That  poor  Dick  and  his  kindred  turned  footmen  again. 
See  the  Collection  of  Loyal  Songs,  reprinted  1731,  vol.  ii.  p.  281 

•  Tliia  alludes  to  an  accident  that  befell  the  Protec''^"  Sept,  29,  who  must 
needs  drive  his  coach  himself:  the  horsea  ran  away,  anu  Uirew  aim  amongst 
lb«m.  vhereby  he  wai  in  great  danger 


PART  I     CANTO  II. 

THE  ARGUaiENT. 

The  catalogue  and  character 
Of  th'  enemies'  best  men  of  war,* 
Whom,  in  a  bold  harangue,  the  Knight 
Defies,  and  challenges  to  fight : 
H'  encounters  Talgol,  routs  the  Bear, 
And  takes  the  Fiddler  prisoner, 
Conveys  him  to  enchanted  castle. 
There  shuts  him  fast  in  wooden  Bastile. 


*  Butler's  description  of  the  combatants  resembles  the  list  of 
warriors  in  the  Iliad  and  ^Eneid,  and  especially  the  laborenJ 
characters  in  the  Theban  war,  both  in  jEschylus  and  Et-.i^)ides 
Septem  ad  Thebas  v.  383;  Icetid.  v.  36-2  ■  rhoenis.  v.  llS* 


H  U  D  I  B  R  A  S  . 


CANTO  II. 

There  was  an  ancient  sage  philosophei 
That  had  read  Alexander  Ross  over,* 
And  swore  the  world,  as  he  could  prove, 
Was  made  of  fighting,  and  of  love. 
Just  so  romances  are,  for  what  else 
Is  in  them  all  but  love  and  battles  ?t 


*  Empedoclcs,  a  Pythagorean  philosopher  and  poet,  held,  that 
friendship  and  discord  were  principles  which  regulated  the  four 
efenients  that  compose  the  universe.    The  first  occasioned  thsir 
coalition,  the  second   their  separation,  or,  in   the   poet's  own 
words,  (preserved  in  Diogen.  Laert.  edit.  Meibom.  vol.  i.  p.  538,) 
"A^AorE  II fv  (pi\6TriTi  <rui'epxi5ju£i/*  £(f  cv  avavra, 
"AWotc  6'  av  iix   iKaara  ipopcviJtcva  vcUeos  Ix^si. 
See  more  in  Mer.  Casaubon's  note  on  the  passage. 
The  great  anachronism  increases  the  humour.    Empedocles, 
the  philosopher  here  alluded  to,  lived  about  2100  years  before 
Alexander  Ross. 

"  Agrigentinum  quidem,  doctum  quendam  virnm,  carminibus 
"  gra^cis  vaticinatum  fenint :  qua^  in  rerum  natura,  totoque  muu- 
'•  do  constarent,  quffique  moverentur,  ea  contrahere  auiicitiam, 
"dissipare  discordiam."    Cicero  de  Amiciti^. 

The  Spectator,  No.  60,  says,  he  has  heard  those  lines  of  Hudi- 
bras  more  frequently  quoted  than  the  finest  pieces  of  wit  in  the 
whole  poeiii : — tha  jingle  of  the  double  rhime  has  something  in 
It  that  tickles  the  ear.     Ale.tander  Ross  was  a  very  voluminous 
writer,  and  chaplain  to  Charles  the  First ;  but  most  of  his  books 
were  written  in  the  reign  of  James  the  First.     He  answered  Sir 
Thomas  Brown's  P.seudoxia  and  Religio  Medici,  under  the  title 
of  Medicus  Medicatus. 
I  Mr.  Butler,  in  his  MS.  Common-place  Book,  says, 
Love  and  fighting  is  the  sum 
Of  all  romances,  from  Tom  Thumb 
To  Arthur,  Gondibert,  and  Hudibras. 
Of  lovers,  the  poet  in  his  MS.  says, 

Lovers,  like  wrestlers,  when  they  do  not  lay 
Their  hold  below  the  girdle,  use  fair  play. 
He  adds  in  prose — .'Although  Love  is  said  to  overcome  all 
things,  yet  at  long-run,  there  is  nothing  almost  that  does  not 
overcome  Love  ;  whereby  it  seems.  Love  does  not  know  how  to 
use  its  victory. 


Canto  n.]  HUDIBRAS.  81 

O'  th'  first  of  these  w'  have  no  great  rmatter 

To  treat  of,  but  a  world  o'  th'  latter, 

In  which  to  do  the  injur'd  right. 

We  mean  in  what  concerns  just  fight.  10 

Certes,  our  Authors  are  to  blame, 

For  to  make  some  well-sounding  name* 

A  pattern  fit  for  modern  knights 

To  copy  out  in  frays  and  fights. 

Like  those  that  do  a  whole  street  raze,t  15 

To  build  another  in  the  place  ; 

They  never  care  how  many  others 

They  kill,  without  regard  of  mothers,! 

Or  wives,  or  children,  so  they  can 

Make  up  some  fierce,  dead-doing  man,§  20 

Compos'd  of  many  ingredient  valours. 

Just  like  the  manhood  of  nine  tailors : 

So  a  wild  Tartar,||  when  he  spies 

A  man  that's  handsome,  valiant,  wise, 

If  he  can  kill  him,  thinks  t'  inherit  23 

His  wit,  his  beauty,  and  his  spirit ; 

As  if  just  so  much  he  enjoy'd, 

As  in  another  is  destroy'd: 

For  when  a  giant's  slain  in  fight, 

And  mow'd  o'erthvvart,  or  cleft  downright,  30 

It  is  a  heavy  case,  no  doubt, 

A  man  should  have  his  brains  beat  out, 

Because  he's  tall,  and  has  large  bones, 

As  men  kill  beavers  for  their  stones.lT 

*  T^avKdv  re,  MiSovrd  re,  QepaiXox^v  re. — Homer.  17.  216. 
Copied  exactly  by  Virgil.    JEa.  vi.  483. 

Glaucumque,  Medontaque,  Thersilochumque. 
This  is  imitated  in  all  the  romances  of  our  author's  time, 
t  Alluding  to  the  Protector  Somerset,  who,  in  the  reign  of  Ed- 
ward VI.,  pulled  down  two  churches,  part  of  St.  Paul's,  and 
three  bishop's  houses,  to  build  Somerset  House  in  the  Strand. 

t  bellaque  matribus 

Detestata Hor.  b.  i.  od.  i. 

§  Thus  Beaumont  and  Fletcher — "  Stay  thy  dead-doing  hand." 
11  In  Carazan,  a  province  to  the  north-east  of  Tartary,  Dr. 
Heylin  says,  "  they  have  an  use,  when  any  stranger  comes  into 
"  their  houses  of  an  handsome  shape,  to  kill  him  in  the  night ; 
"not  out  of  desire  of  spoil,  or  to  eat  his  body;  but  that  the  soul 
"of  such  a  comely  person  might  remain  among  them." 

IT  That  beavers  bite  off  their  testicles  is  a  vulgar  error:  but 
what  is  here  implied  is  true  enough,  namely,  that  the  testes,  or 
their  capsulae,  furnish  a  medicinal  drug  of  value. 

imitatus  castora  qui  se 

Eunnchum  ipse  facit,  cupiens  evadere  darano 
Tesliculorum  ;  adeo  medicatum  intelligit  inguen. 

Juvenal.    Sat.  sii.  1.  34 
4* 


82  HUUIBRAS.  [Part  i 

But,  as  for  our  part,  we  shall  tell  33 

The  naked  truth  of  what  befell, 
And  as  an  equal  friend  to  both 
The  Knight  and  Bear,  but  more  to  troth  ;* 
With  neither  faction  shall  take  part. 
But  give  to  each  a  due  desert,  40 

And  never  coin  a  formal  lie  on't, 
To  make  the  Knight  o'ercome  the  giant. 
This  b'ing  profest,  we've  hopes  enough, 
And  now  go  on  where  we  left  off. 
■^     They  rode,  but  authors  having  not  4fi 

Determin'd  whether  pace  or  trot. 
That  is  to  say,  whether  tollutation. 
As  they  do  term't,  or  succussation,t 
We  leave  it,  and  go  on,  as  now 

Suppose  they  did,  no  matter  how  ;  50 

Yet  some,  from  subtle  hints,  have  got 
Mysterious  light  it  was  a  trot : 
But  let  that  pass  ;  they  now  begun 
To  spur  their  living  engines  on : 

For  as  whipp'd  tops  and  bandy'd  balls,  S5 

Tlie  learned  hold,  are  animals  ;| 
So  horses  they  affirm  to  be 
Mere  engines  made  by  geometry, 
And  were  invented  first  from  engines. 
As  Indian  Britains  were  from  Penguins.^  CO 


*  "  Amicus  Socrates,  amicus  Plato,  sed  magis  arnica  Veritas  " 

t  Tollutation  is  pacing,  or  ambling,  moving  per  latera,  as  Sir 
Thomas  Brown  says,  that  is,  lifting  both  legs  of  one  side  togeth- 
er— Succussation,  or  trotting,  that  is,  lifting  one  foot  before,  and 
the  cross  foot  behind. 

i  The  atomic  philosophers,  Democritus,  Epicurus,  &c.,  and 
some  of  the  moderns  likewise,  as  Des  Cartes,  Hobbes,  and  oth- 
ers, will  not  allow  animals  to  have  a  spontaneoi's  and  living 
principle  in  them,  but  maintain  that  life  and  sensation  are  gen- 
erated out  of  matter,  from  the  contexture  of  atoms,  or  some  pe- 
culiar composition  of  magnitudes,  figures,  sites,  and  motions, 
and  consequently  that  they  are  nothing  but  local  motion  and 
mechanism.  By  which  argument  tops  and  balls,  whilst  they 
are  in  motion,  seem  to  be  as  much  animated  as  dogs  and  horses. 
Mr.  Boyle,  in  his  Experiments,  printed  in  16.59,  observes  how 
like  animals  (men  excepted)  are  to  mechanical  instruments. 

ij  This  is  meant  to  burlesque  the  idea  of  Mr.  Selden,  and  oth- 
ers, that  America  had  formerly  been  discovered  by  the  Britons 
or  Welsh ;  which  they  had  inferred  from  the  similarity  of  some 
words  in  the  two  languages  ;  Penguin,  the  name  of  a  bird,  with 
a  white  head  in  America,  in  British  signifies  a  white  rock.  Mr. 
"ji'ien,  in  his  note  on  Drayton's  Polyolbion,  says,  that  Madoc, 
brother  to  David  ap  Owen,  prince  of  Wales,  made  a  sea  voyage 
to  Florida,  about  the  year  1170. 

David  Powell,  in  his  history  of  Wales,  reporteth  that  one  Ma- 


Canto  ii.]  HUDIBRAS.  83 

So  let  them  be,  and,  as  I  was  saying, 

They  their  Hve  engines  ply'd,*  not  staying 

Until  they  reach'd  the  fatal  champaign 

Which  th'  enemy  did  then  encamp  on  ; 

The  dire  Pharsalian  plain,t .where  battle  65 

Was  to  be  wag'd  'twixt  puissanj;  cattle, 

And  fierce  auxiliary  men. 

That  came  to  aid  their  brethren  ;t 

Who  now  began  to  take  the  field, 

As  knight  from  ridge  of  steed  beheld.  70 

For,  as  om-  modern  wits  behold, 

Mounted  a  pick-back  on  the  old,§ 

Much  farther  off,  much  farther  he 

Rais'd  on  his  aged  beast,  could  see  ; 

Yet  not  sufficient  to  descry*  75 

All  postures  of  the  enemy : 

Wherefore  he  bids  the  squire  ride  further, 

T'  observe  their  numbers,  and  their  order  ; 

That  when  their  motions  they  had  known. 

He  might  know  how  to  fit  his  own.  80 

Meanwhile  he  stopp'd  his  willing  steed. 

To  fit  himself  for  martial  deed  : 

Both  kinds  of  metal  he  prepared 

Either  to  give  blows,  or  to  ward  ; 

doc,  son  of  Owen  Gwinedsh,  prince  of  Wales,  some  hundred 
years  before  Columbus  discovered  the  West  Indies,  sailed  into 
those  parts  an<l  planted  a  colony.  The  simile  runs  thus ;  horsw 
are  said  to  be  invented  from  engines,  and  things  without  sense 
and  reason,  as  Welshmen  are  said  to  have  sailed  to  the  Indies ; 
both  upon  the  hke  grounds,  and  with  as  much  probability. 

My  worthy  and  ingenious  friend  Mr.  Pennant,  though  zealous 
for  the  honor  of  his  native  country,  yet  cannot  allow  his  coun- 
trymen the  merit  of  having  sailed  to  America  before  the  time  of 
Columbus  :  the  proper  name  of  these  birds,  saith  he,  (Philosopk. 
Transactions,  vol.  Iviii.  p.  96,)  is  Pinguin,  propter  pinguedinem, 
on  account  of  their  fatness  :  it  has  been  corrupted  to  Penguen- 
so  that  some  have  imagined  it  a  Welsh  word,  signifying  a  white 
head:  besides,  the  two  species  of  birds  that  frequent  America 
under  that  name,  have  black  heads,  not  white  ones. 

Our  poet  rejoices  in  an  opportunity  of  laughing  at  his  old 
friend  Selden,  and  ridiculing  some  of  his  eccentric  notions. 

*  That  is,  Hudibras  and  his  Squire  spurred  their  horses. 

t  Alluding  to  Pharsalia,  where  Julius  Caesar  gained  his  signa. 
victory. 

X  The  last  word  is  lengthened  into  bretheren,  for  metre  sake 

%  Ridiculing  the  disputes  formerly  subsisting  between  the  ad- 
vocates for  ancient  and  modern  learning.  Sir  William  Temple 
observes :  that  as  to  knowledge,  the  moderns  must  have  more 
than  the  ancients,  because  they  have  the  advantage  both  of 
theirs  and  their  own :  which  is  commonly  illustrated  by  a  dwarf 
standing  upon  a  giant's  shoulders,  and  therefore  seeing  more 
and  further  than  the  giant. 


84  HUDIBRAS.  [Pari  i. 

Courage  and  steel,  both  of  great  force,  83 

Prepar'd  for  better,  or  for  worse. 

His  death-charg'd  pistols  he  did  fit  well, 

Drawn  out  I'rom  life-presei-ving  vittle  ;* 

These  being  prim'd  witii  force  he  labor'd 

To  free's  blade  from  retentive  scabbard  ;  00 

And  after  many  a  painful  pluck. 

From  rusty  dujance  he  bail'd  tuck  : 

Then  shook  himself,  to  see  what  prowesa 

In  scabbard  of  his  arms  sat  loose  ; 

And,  rais'd  upon  his  desp'rate  foot,  05 

On  stirrup-side  he  gaz'd  about,t 

Portending  blood,  like  blazing  star, 

The  beacon  of  approaciiing  war.t 

The  Sqjire  advanc'd  with  greater  speed 

Than  could  b'  expected  from  his  steed  ;§  100 

But  far  more  in  returning  made ; 

For  now  the  foe  he  had  survey'd, 

Rang'd,  as  to  him  they  did  appear, 

With  van,  main  battle,  wings,  and  rear. 

I'  th'  head  of  all  this  warlike  rabble,  105 

Crowdero  marcli'd  expert  and  able.|| 

Instead  of  trumpet,  and  of  drum, 

That  makes  the  warrior's  stomach  come, 

Whose  noise  whets  valor  sharp,  like  beer 

By  thunder  turn'd  to  vinegar  ;  110 

For  if  a  trumpet  sound,  or  drum  beat. 

Who  has  not  a  month's  mind  to  combat  ? 


*  The  reader  will  remember  how  the  holsters  were  furnished. 

The  antithesis  between  death-charged  pistols,  and  life-preserv 
ing  vittle  is  a  feind  of  figure  much  used  by  Shakspeare,  and  the 
poets  before  Mr.  Butler's  time  ;  very  frequently  by  Butler  him 
Belf. 

t  It  appear-,  from  c.  i.  v.  407,  that  he  had  but  one  stirrup. 

X  Piri  cometa;,  quidni  1  quia  crudelia  atque  iinmania,  Jamein 
bella,  cladej,  cpiiles,  niorbos,  eversiones  urliiuin,  regionuin  vast! 
V)'£s,  hTniP'jin  interitus  portendere  creduntur. 

^  In  sonie  editions  we  read, 

Ralpho  rode  on  with  no  less  speed, 
Than  Hugo  in  the  forest  did- 

IIuEO  was  aid-de-camp  to  Gondihert.    B.  I.  c.  ii.  St.  C6. 

II  This  is  said,  by  Sir  Roger  L'Estrange,  to  be  designed  for  one 
Jackson,  a  milliner,  who  lived  in  the  New  Exchange  in  the 
Strand.  lie  had  lost  a  leg  in  the  Parliament's  service,  and  went 
about  fiddling  from  one  ale-house  to  another:  but  Butler  does 
not  point  his  satire  at  such  low  game.  His  nickname  is  taken 
from  the  instrument  he  used:  Crowde,  fiddle,  crwth,  fidicula,  ig 
the  British  language. 


Canto  ii.J  HUDIBRAS.  85 

A  squeaking  engine  he  apply'd 

Unto  his  neck,  on  north-east  side,* 

Just  where  the  hangman  does  dispose,  115 

To  special  friends,  the  fatal  noose  : 

For  'tis  great  grace,  when  statesmen  straight 

Dispatch  a  friend,  let  others  wait. 

His  warped  ear  hung  o'er  the  strings. 

Which  was  but  souse  to  chitterlings  :t  120 

For  guts,  some  write,  ere  they  are  sodden, 

Are  fit  for  music,  or  for  pudden  ; 

From  whence  men  borrow  ev'ry  kind 

Of  minstrelsy,  by  string  or  wind. 

His  grisly  beard  was  long  and  thick,  125 

With  whic^  he  strung  his  fiddle-stick  ; 

For  he  to  horse-tail  scorn'd  to  owe 

For  what  on  his  own  chin  did  grow. 

Chiron,  the  four-legg'd  bai-d,  had  both 

A  beard  and  tail  of  his  own  growth  ;  130 

And  yet  by  authors  'tis  averr'd. 

He  made  use  only  of  his  beard. 

In  Staffordshire,  where  virtuous  wortht 
Does  raise  the  minstrelsy,  not  birth  : 


*  It  is  difficult  to  say  why  Butler  calls  the  left  the  north-east 
side.  A  friend  of  Dr.  Gray's  supposes  it  to  allude  to  the  manner 
of  burying;  the  feet  being  put  to  the  east,  the  left  side  would 
be  to  the  north,  or  north-east.  Some  authojs  have  asserted,  and 
Euseb.  Nuremberg,  a  learned  Jesuit,  in  particular,  that  the  body 
of  man  is  magnetical ;  and  being  placed  in  a  boit,  a  very  small 
one  we  must  suppose,  of  cork  or  leather,  will  ne»'er  rest  till  the 
head  respecteth  the  north.  Paracelsus  had  also  a  microcosmical 
conceit  about  the  body  of  a  man,  dividing  and  differencing  it  ac- 
cording to  the  cardinal  points ;  making  the  face  the  east,  the 
hack  the  west,  &c.,  of  this  microcosm :  and  therefore,  working 
upon  human  ordure,  and  by  long  preparation  rendering  it  odorif- 
erous, he  tern/s  it  Zihetta  occidentalis.  Now  in  either  of  these 
positions,  the  body  lying  along  on  its  back  with  its  head  towards 
the  north,  or  standing  upright  with  the  face  towards  the  east, 
the  reader  <vill  find  the  place  of  the  fiddle  on  the  left  breast  to  be 
due  north-east.  One,  or  both  of  these  conceits,  it  is  probable, 
our  poet  had  in  view  ;  and  very  likely  met  with  them,  as  I  have 
done,  in  a  book  entitled  Brown's  Vulgar  Errors,  b.  ii.  ch.  3. 

Ovid,  dividing  the  world  into  two  hemispheres,  calls  one  the 
right  hand,  and  the  other  the  left.  The  augurs  of  old,  in  their 
divinations,  and  priests  in  their  sacrifices,  turned  their  faces  to- 
wards the  east ;  in  which  posture  the  north,  being  the  left  hand, 
Rgrees  exactly  with  the  position  in  which  Crowdero  would  hold 
bis  fiddle. 

t  Souse  is  the  pig's  ear,  and  chitterlings  are  the  pig's  guts: 
the  former  alludes  to  Crowdero's  ear,  which  lay  upon  the  fiddle; 
the  latter  to  the  strings  of  the  fiddle,  which  are  made  of  catgut. 

t  This  alludes  to  the  custom  of  bull-running  in  the  manor  of 
Tudbury  in  Staffordshire,  where  a  charter  is  granted  by  John  of 


86  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  i 

Where  bulls  do  choose  the  boldest  king,  13S 

And  ruler  o'er  the  men  of  string, 

As  once  in  Persia,*  'tis  said, 

Kings  were  proclaim'd  by  a  horse  that  neigh'd  ; 

He,  bravely  vent'ring  at  a  crown, 

By  chance  of  war  was  beaten  down,  140 

And  wounded  Bore :  his  leg  then  broke, 

Had  got  a  deputy  of  oak  ; 

For  when  a  shin  in  fight  is  cropt. 

The  knee  with  one  of  timber's  propt, 

Esteem'd  more  honorable  than  the  other,  145 

And  takes  place,  tho'  the  younger  brother.t 

Next  march'd  brave  Orsin,t  famous  for 
Wise  conduct,  and  success  in  war  ; 
A  skilful  leader,  stout,  severe, 

Now  marshal  to  the  champion  bear.  150 

With  truncheon  tipp'd  with  iron  head, 
The  warrior  to  the  lists  he  led  ; 
With  solemn  march,  and  stately  pace, 
But  far  more  grave  and  solemn  face  ; 
Grave  as  the  emperor  of  Pegu,  155 

Or  Spanish  potentate,  Don  Diego.§ 
This  leader  was  of  knowledge  great. 
Either  for  charge,  or  for  retreat : 

Gaunt,  king  of  Castile  and  Leon,  and  duke  of  Lancaster,  (and 
confirmed  by  inspeximus  and  grant  of  Henry  VI.,)  dated  22d  of 
August,  in  the  fourth  year  of  the  reign  of  our  most  gracious 
(most  sweet,  tres  dulce)  king  Richard  II.,  (A.  D.  1380,)  appoint- 
ing a  king  of  the  minstrels  or  musicians,  (sive  histrioues,)  who 
is  to  have  a  bu.l  for  his  property,  which  shall  be  turned  out  by 
the  prior  of  Tudbury,  if  his  minstrels,  or  any  one  of  them,  could 
cut  off  a  piece  of  his  skin  before  he  runs  into  Derbyshire  ;  but  if 
the  bull  gets  into  that  county  sound  and  unhurt,  the  prior  may 
have  his  bull  again.  Exemplification  of  Henry  VI.  is  dated 
1442. 

■  This  custom  being  productive  of  much  mischief,  was,  at  the 
request  of  the  inhabitants,  and  by  order  of  the  duke  of  Devon- 
shire, lord  of  the  manor,  discontinued  about  the  year  178S.  See 
Blount's  Ancient  Tenures,  and  Jocular  Customs. 

*  This  relates  to  a  story  told  by  Herodotus,  lib.  iii.,  of  the  seven 
princes,  who,  having  destroyed  the  usurper  of  the  crown  of  Per 
sia,  were  all  of  them  in  competition  for  it:  at  last  they  agreed 
to  meet  on  horseback  at  an  appointed  place,  and  that  he  should 
be  acknowledged  sovereign  whose  horse  first  neighed  :  Darius's 
groom,  by  a  subtle  trick,  contrived  that  his  master  should  sue 
ceed. 

t  A  person  with  a  wooden  leg  generally  puts  that  leg  first  in 
walking. 

t  This  character  was  designed  for  Joshua  Goslin,  who  kept 
bears  at  Paris  garden,  Southwark,  as  says  Sir  Roger  L'Estrange 
in  his  Key  to  Hudibras. 

$  See  Purchas's  Pilgrims  and  Lady's  Travels  into  Spain. 


Canto  u.]  HUDIBRAS.  87 

Knew  when  t'engage  his  bear  pell-mell, 

And  when  to  bring  him  off  as  well,  160 

So  lawyers,  lest  the  bear  defendant, 

And  plaintiiF  dog,  should  make  an  end  on't,* 

Do  stave  and  tail  with  writs  of  error,t 

Reverse  of  judgment,  and  demurrer, 

To  let  them  breathe  awhile,  and  then  165 

Cry  whoop,  and  set  them  on  agen. 

As  Romulus  a  wolf  did  rear. 

So  he  was  dry-nurs'd  by  a  bear,t 

Tliat  fed  him  with  the  purchas'd  prey 

Of  many  a  fierce  and  bloody  fray  ;  no 


*  Mr.  Butler  probably  took  this  idea  from  a  book  entitled  The 
princely  Pleasure  of  Kenilvvorthin  Warwickshire,  in  1575. 

"The  beares  wear  brought  foorth  intoo  coourt,  the  dogs  set 
"  too  them,  to  argu  the  points,  eeven  face  to  face;  they  had 
"learned  coounsell  also  a  both  parts; — If  the  dog  in  pleadyng 
"  would  pluck  the  beare  by  the  throte,  the  beare  with  travers 
"would  claw  him  again  by  the  skaip,  &c." 

t  The  comparison  of  a  lawyer  with  a  bearward  is  here  kept 
np;  the  one  parts  his  clients,  and  keeps  them  at  bay  by  writ  of 
error  and  demurrer,  as  the  latter  does  the  dogs  and  the  bear,  by 
interposing  his  staff,  (hence  stave,)  and  holding  the  dogs  by  the 
tails.  See  the  character  of  a  lawyer  in  Butler's  Genuine  Re- 
mains, vol.  ii.  p.  164,  where  the  severity  and  bitterness  of  the 
satire,  and  the  verses  which  follow,  may  be  accounted  for  by 
the  poet's  having  married  a  widow,  whom  he  thought  a  great 
fortune,  but  perhaps,  through  the  unskilfulness  orroguery  of  the 
law^'er,  it  being  placed  on  bad  security,  was  lost.  This  he  fre- 
quently alludes  to  in  his  MS.  Common-place  Book ;  he  says  the 
lawyer  never  ends  a  suit,  but  prunes  it,  that  it  may  grow  the 
faster,  and  yield  a  greater  increase  of  strife. 

The  conquering  foe  they  soon  assailed, 
First  TruUa  stav'd,  and  Cerdon  tailed. 

The  improvements  in  modem  practice,  and  the  acuteness  of 
Butler's  observation,  have  been  able  to  add  little  to  the  picture 
left  us  by  Amraianus  MarcelUnus  of  the  lawyers  of  ancient 
Rome.  See  lib.  xxx.  cap.  iv.  Butler's  simile  has  been  transla- 
ted into  Latin,  [by  Dr.  Harmar,  sometime  under-master  of  West- 
minster School.] 

Sic  legum  myst»,  ne  forsan  pax  foret,  Ursam 
Inter  tutantem  sese,  actoremque  niolossum 
Faucibus  injiciunt  clavos,  dentesque  refigunt, 
Luctantesque  canes  coxis,  remorisque  revellunt : 
Errores  jurisque  moras  obtendere  certi, 
Judiciumque  prius  revocare  ut  prorsus  iniquum. 
Tandem  post  aliquod  breve  respiramen  utrinque, 
Ut  pugnas  iterent,  crebris  hortatibus  urgent. 
Eja !  agite  o  cives,  iterumque  in  proelia  trudunt. 

t  That  is,  maintained  by  the  diversion  which  this  bear  afforded 
Ihe  rabble.  It  may  allude  likewise,  as  Dr.  Grey  observes,  to  the 
Btory  of  Valentine  and  Orson,  oh.  iv.,  where  Orson  is  Buckled  by 
»  bear,  as  Romulus  was  by  a  wolf. 


88  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  i. 

Bred  up,  where  discipline  most  rare  is, 

In  military  garden  Paris  :* 

For  soldiers  heretofore  did  grow 

In  gardens,  just  as  weeds  do  now, 

Until  some  splay-foot  politicians  17J 

T'  Apollo  ofter'd  up  petitions,t 

For  licensing  a  new  invention 

They'ad  found  out  of  an  antique  engin, 

To  root  out  all  the  weeds,  that  grow 

In  public  gardens,  at  a  blow,  180 

And  leave  th'  herbs  standing.     Quoth  Sii'  Sun,t 

My  friends,  that  is  not  to  be  done. 

Not  done  !  quoth  Statesmen :  Yes,  an't  please  ye, 

When  'tis  once  known  you'll  say  'tis  easy. 

Why  then  let's  know  it,  quoth  Apollo :  i85 

We'll  beat  a  drum,  and  they'll  all  follow. 


*  At  Paris  garden,  in  Snuthwark,  near  the  river  side,  there  was 
a  play-house,  at  which  Ben  Jonson  is  said  to  have  acted  the 
part  of  Zuliinan:  the  place  was  long  noted  for  the  entertainment 
of  bear-baiting.  The  custom  of  resorting  thither  was  censured 
by  one  Crowley,  who  wrote  in  the  latter  time  of  Henry  VIU. — 
Robert  Crowley,  I  believe,  was  a  Northamptonshire  man,  of 
Magdalene  College,  Oxford,  about  the  year  1534,  and  1542.  In 
Bod.  Lib.,  see  his  31  Epigrams. 

At  Paris  garden,  each  Sunday,  a  man  shall  not  fail 
To  find  two  or  three  hundred  for  the  bearvvard  vale, 
One  halfpenny  a  piece  they  use  for  to  give  ; 
When  some  have  not  more  in  their  purses,  I  believe. 
Well,  at  the  last  day  their  conscience  will  declare, 
That  the  poor  ought  to  have  all  that  they  may  spare. 
If  you  therefore  give  to  see  a  bear  fight, 
Be  sure  God  his  curse  upon  you  will  light. 

These  barbarous  diversions  continued  in  fashion  till  they  were 
suppressed  by  the  fanatics  in  the  civil  wars.  Bear-baiting  was 
forbid  by  an  act  of  Parliament,  1  Ch.  I.,  which  act  was  continued 
and  enforced  by  several  subsequent  acts.  James  the  first  insti- 
tuted a  society,  which  he  called  of  the  military  garden,  for  the 
training  of  the  soldiers  and  practising  feats  of  arms,  and  as  Paris 
was  then  the  chief  place  for  polite  education,  some  have  imag- 
ined this  place  was  from  thence  called  the  military  garden  Paris : 
others  suppose  it  to  be  called  garden  Paris  from  the  name  of  the 
owner. 

t  The  whole  passage,  here  a  little  inverted,  is  certainly  taken 
from  Boccalini's  Advertisement  from  Parnassus,  cent.  i.  advert. 
16,  p.  27,  ed,  1656,  where  the  gardeners  address  Apollo,  beseech- 
ing him,  that,  as  he  had  invented  drums  and  trumpets,  by 
means  of  which  princes  could  enlist  and  destroy  their  idle  and 
dissolute  subjects ;  so  he  would  teach  them  some  more  easy  and 
expeditious  method  of  destroying  weeds  and  noxious  plants,  than 
that  of  removing  them  with  rakes  and  spades. 

t  "Sir  Sun,"  is  an  expression  used  by  Sir  Philip  Sydney  in 
Pembroke's  Arcadia,  book  i.  p.  70.  See  likewise  Butler's  E«- 
nains,  vol.  ii.  p.  248. 


Canto  u.]  HUDIBRAS.  gg 

A  drum !  quoth  Phcebus  ;  Troth,  that's  true, 

A  pretty  iuventiou,  quaint  and  new : 

But  tho'  of  voice  and  instrument 

We  are,  'tis  true,  chief  president,  190 

We  such  loud  music  don't  profess. 

The  devil's  master  of  that  office, 

V/here  it  must  pass ;  if 't  be  a  drum. 

He'll  sign  it  with  Cler.  Pari.  Dom.  Com.* 

To  him  apply  yourselves,  and  he  195 

Will  soon  dispatch  you  for  his  fee. 

They  did  so,  but  it  prov'd  so  ill, 

They'ad  better  let  'em  grow  there  still.t 

But  to  resume  v;hat  we  discoursing 

Were  on  before,  that  is,  stout  Orsin  ;  200 

That  which  so  oft  by  sundry  writers. 

Has  been  apply'd  t'  almost  all  fighters, 

More  justly  may  b'  ascrib'd  to  this 

Than  any  other  warrior,  viz. 

None  ever  acted  both  parts  bolder,  205 

Both  of  a  chieftain  and  a  soldier.t 

He  was  of  great  descent  and  high 

For  splendor  and  antiquity. 

And  from  celestial  origine, 

Deriv'd  himself  in  a  right  line  ;  21C 

Not  as  the  ancient  heroes  did. 

Who,  that  their  base  births  might  be  hid,§ 


*  During  the  civil  wars,  the  parliament  granted  patents  for  new 
Inventions  ;  these,  and  all  other  orders  and  ordinances,  were  signed 
by  their  clerk,  with  this  addition  to  his  name — clerk  of  the  par- 
liament house  of  commons.  The  devil  is  here  represented  as 
directing  and  governing  the  parliament.  Monopolies  and  grant- 
ing of  patents  had  occasioned  great  uneasiness  in  the  reign  of 
James  I.,  when  an  act  passed,  that  all  patents  should  regularly 
pass  before  the  king  and  council,  upon  the  report  of  the  attorney- 
general. 

t  The  expedient  of  arming  the  discontented  and  unprincipled 
multitude,  is  adventurous,  and  often  proves  fatal  to  the  state. 

t  A  satire  on  common  characters  given  by  historians. 

^  Ion  thus  addressed  his  mother  Creusa,  when  she  had  told 
hiin  that  he  was  son  of  Apollo — 

Aevp'  eX9''  i;  ov;  yap  roii;  \6yov;  elnuv  diXu 
Kai  vcpiKa\v\pai  Tolai  TTpdyjiaoi  cxdrovt 
'Opa  ai),  /if/Tcp,  lifj  cfaXttaa  irapOivos, 
Eyyivcrai  voafinaT'  di  KpvirTovg  ydpovs- 
"KvciTa  ri3  Gew  jrjjooTtS^;  rriv  ahiav, 
Kai  Toipbi'  alaxp^'^  aiTo(pvyuti  TTttpdifiivf), 
^ol(3ifi  TCKUv  fi£  (f>t]i,  reKova'  oi/c  Ik  dcov. 

Euripides,  Ion.  1521. 


90  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  i 

Knowing  they  were  of  doubtful  gender, 

And  that  they  came  in  at  a  wiudore, 

Made  Jupiter  himself,  and  others  215 

O'  th'  gods,  gallants  to  their  own  mothers, 

To  get  on  them  a  race  of  champions, 

Of  which  old  Homer  first  made  lampoons ; 

Arctophylax,  in  northern  sphere, 

Was  his  undoubted  ancestor  ;  22C 

From  whom  his  great  forefathers  came, 

And  in  all  ages  bore  his  name : 

Learn'd  he  was  in  med'c'nal  lore, 

For  by  his  side  a  pouch  he  wore, 

Replete  with  strange  hermetic  powder,*  2-25 

That  wounds  nine  miles  point-blank  woula  solder  ;t 

By  skilful  chymist,  with  great  cost. 

Extracted  from  a  rotten  post  ;t 

But  of  a  heav'nlier  influence 

Than  that  which  mountebanks  dispense  ;  230 

Tho'  by  Promethean  fire  made,§ 

As  they  do  quack  that  drive  that  trade 

For  as  when  slovens  do  amiss 

At  others'  doors,  by  stool  or  piss, 

The  learned  write,  a  red-hot  spit  235 

B'ing  prudently  apply'd  to  it. 

Will  convey  mischief  from  the  dungH 

Unto  the  part  that  did  the  wrong ; 

So  this  did  healing,  and  as  sure 

As  that  did  mischief,  this  would  cure.  240 

Thus  virtuous  Orsin  was  endu'd 

With  learning,  conduct,  fortitude 

Incomparable  ;  and  as  the  prince 

Of  poets,  Homer,  sung  long  since, 


*  Hermetic,  i.  e.  chymical,  from  Hermes,  Mercury;  or  perhaps 
so  called  from  Hermes  Trlsmeglstus,  a  famous  Egyptian  philoso- 
pber. 

t  Meaning  to  banter  the  sympathetic  powder,  which  was  to 
efTect  the  cure  of  wounds  at  a  distance.  It  was  much  in  fashion 
in  the  reign  of  James  the  First.  See  Sir  Kenelm  Digby's  dis- 
course touching  the  cure  of  wounds  by  the  powder  of  sym- 
pathy, translated  from  the  French  by  R.  White,  gent.,  and 
printed  1658 — Point-blank  is  a  term  in  gunnery,  signifying  a 
horizontal  level. 

i  Useless  powders  in  medicine,  are  called  powders  of  post. 

^\  That  is,  heat  of  the  sun :  so  in  Canto  iii.  v.  628.  Promethean 
powder,  that  is,  powder  calcined  by  the  sun,  for  the  chief  ingre- 
dient in  sympathetic  powder  was  calcined  by  the  sun. 

II  Still  ridiculing  the  sympathetic  powder.  See  the  treatise 
above-minitioned,  where  \he  poet's  story  of  the  spit  is  seriously 


Canto  il]  IIUDIBRAS.  91 

A  skilful  leech  is  better  far,  245 

Than  half  a  hundred  men  of  war  ;* 

So  he  appear'd,  and  by  his  skill, 

No  less  than  dint  of  sword,  cou'd  kill. 

The  gallant  Bruin  march'd  next  him. 
With  visage  formidably  grim,  250 

And  rugged  as  a  Saracen, 
Or  Turk  of  Mahomet's  own  kin,t 
Clad  in  a  mantle  de  la  guerre 
Of  rough  impenetrable  fur ; 

And  in  his  nose,  like  Indian  king,  255 

He  wore,  for  ornament,  a  ring : 
About  his  neck  a  threefold  gorget. 
As  rough  as  trebled  leathern  target ; 
Armed,  as  heralds  cant,  and  langued. 
Or,  as  the  vulgar  say,  sharp-fanged  :t  260 

For  as  the  teeth  in  beasts  of  prey 
Are  swords,  with  which  they  fight  in  fray  * 

So  swords,  in  men  of  war,  are  teeth. 
Which  they  do  eat  their  vittle  with. 
He  was,  by  birth,  some  authors  write,  265 

A  Russian,  some  a  Muscovite, 
And  'mong  the  Cossacks  had  been  bred. 
Of  whom  we  in  diumals  read. 
That  serve  to  fill  up  pages  here. 
As  with  their  bodies  ditches  there.  270 

Scrimansky  was  his  cousin-german,§ 
With  whom  he  serv'd,  and  fed  on  vermin  ; 


*  'iTjrpoj  yap  avfip  ttoWwv  avrd^ios  aWoiv, 

'lovs  t'  iKTdjxviLV  (Tri  T    ijina  (pdpiiaKa  Taaauv. 

Homer.  Iliad,  b.  .\i.  1.  514. 

Leech  is  the  old  Saxon  term  for  physician,  derived  from  laec, 
hw,  muniis,  reward  ;  Chaucer  uses  the  word  leechcraft,  to  ex- 
press the  skill  of  a  physician,  and  at  this  day  we  are  accustomed 
to  hear  of  beast  leach,  cow  leech,  &c.  The  glossary  annexed 
to  Gawin  Douglas's  Virgil  says,  Leiche,  a  physician  or  surgeon, 
Scot.  Leech  from  the  A.  S.  laec,  lyce,  lack,  Isl.  laeknare,  Goth, 
leik,  medicus,  A.  S.  laenian,  laecinian,  sanare,  curare  :  laikinon. 
Belg. 

t  JMr.  George  Sandys,  in  his  book  of  Travels,  observes,  that 
the  Turks  are  generally  well  coniplexioned,  of  good  stature,  and 
li:e  women  of  elegant  beauty,  except  Mahomet's  kindred,  who 
are  the  most  ill-favored  people  upon  earth,  branded,  perhaps,  by 
God  (says  he)  for  the  sin  of  their  seducing  ancestor. 

X  Our  author  here  banters  the  heralds,  as  he  had  before  ral 
lied  the  lawyers  and  physicians. 

^  Some  favorite  bear  perhaps.  Two  of  the  Roman  emperors, 
Maximilian  and  Valentinian,  gave  names  to  bears,  which  they 
kept  for  the  daily  pleasure  of  seeing  them  devour  their  subjects. 
The  names  of  the  executioners  to  Valentinian  were  Mica  Au 


92  HUDIBRAS.  [Part 

And,  wlieu  these  fail'd,  he'd  suck  liis  claws, 

And  quarter  himself  upon  his  paws  :* 

And  tho'  his  countrymen,  the  Huns,  273 

Did  stew  their  meat  between  their  bums 

And  th'  horses'  backs  o'er  which  they  straddle,t 

And  every  man  ate  up  his  saddle  ; 

He  was  not  half  so  nice  as  they. 

But  ate  it  raw  when't  came  in's  way.  280 

He  had  trac'd  countries  lar  and  near, 

More  than  Le  Blanc  the  traveller ; 

Who  writes,  he  'spous'd  in  India,t 

Of  noble  house,  a  lady  gay. 

And  got  on  her  a  race  of  worthies,  283 

As  stout  as  any  upon  earth  is. 

Full  many  a  fight  for  him  between^  _ 

Talgol  and  Orsin  oft'  had  been. 

Each  striving  to  deserve  the  crown 

Of  a  sav'd  citizen  ;||  the  one  290 

To  guard  his  bear,  the  other  fought 

To  aid  his  dog  :  both  made  more  stout 


rea,  and  Innocentia.  Amm.  Marcellin.  xxix.  3,  et  Lactant.  de 
niort.  persecutorum,  cap.  21.  The  word  scrimalur  is  interpreted 
rugit,  aut  huccinat.  Du  Cange  from  Papias.  Ab  iis  diebus  resi- 
dent ac  priorum  pedum  suctu  vivunt.  Plin.  Nat.  Hist.,  lib.  viii. 
cap.  54. 

*  Jlnd  quarter  himself  7ipon  his  paws. — A  word  ending  in  er 
before  another  beginning  with  a  vowel,  is  often  considered  as 
ending  in  re,  and  cut  oil'  accordingly.  See  P.  ii.  c.  ii.  v.  367,- and 
c.  iii.  V.  192,  P.  iii.  c.  i.  v.  521,  P.  ii.  c.  i.  v.  752,  P.  iii.  c.  i.  v.  583, 
622,  680,  c.  ii.  v.  108,  468,  c.  iii.  v.  684.  Heroical  Epistle,  v.  284. 
Lady's  Answer,  v.  130.  So  in  P.  i.  c.  iii.  v.  1286.  fVhats'ever 
assembltfs.  Thus  bowre  for  bower,  that  is  a  chamber.  See 
Percy's  Reliques  of  Ancient  Poetry,  vol.  i.  p.  52.  The  old  poets 
took  great  liberties  in  varying  the  accents  and  terminations  of 
many  words:  thus,  countrie,  ladie,  harper,  finger,  battel,  dam- 
sel, &c.,  ibid.  p.  37. 

t  This  fact  is  related  by  Aminianus  Marcellinns,  xxxi.  cap.  11 
615,  ed.  Paris,  1681.  With  such  fare  did  Azim  Khan  entertain 
Jenlcinson,  and  other  Englishmen,  in  their  Travels  to  the  Cas- 
pian sea  from  the  river  Volga. 

"Tartaros  esse  perquain  immundis  moribus:  si  jurulentum 
"aliquid  apponatur  in  nieiisam,  nulla  requirere  cochlearia,  sed 
"jus  vol:!  manus  haurire  ;  enectorum  equorum  carnem  devorare 
"nullo  foco  admotam  ;  oflas  tantum  sub  equestri  sella  e.xpli- 
"care,  quibus  equiao  calore  tepefactis,  tanquam  opipai'e  condi- 
"  tis,  vesci."    Busbequii,  Ep.  iv. 

X  I>e  Blanc  tells  this  story  of  Aganda  the  daughter  of  Isma- 
(ion. 

^  That  is,  on  his  account. 

0  He,  who  saved  the  life  of  a  Roman  citizen,  was  entitled  to 
a  civic,  crown  ;  so,  in  banter,  says  our  author,  were  Talgol  and 
Orsin,  who  fought  hard  to  save  the  lives  of  the  dogs  and 
bears. 


Canto  ii.]  HUDIBRAS.  93 

By  sev'ral  spurs  of  neighbourhood, 

Church-fellow-membership,  and  blood  ;* 

But  Talgoi,  mortal  foo  to  cows,  295 

Never  got  ought  of  him  but  blows ; 

Blows  hard  and  heavy,  such  as  he 

Had  lent,  repaid  with  usury. 

Yet  Talgoi  was  of  courage  stout. 

And  vanquish'd  oft'ner  than  he  fought ;  300 

Inur'd  to  labour,  sweat,  and  toil, 

And,  like  a  champion,  shone  with  oil  ;i" 

Right  many  a  widow  his  keen  blade. 

And  many  fatherless  had  made  ; 

He  many  a  boar,  and  huge  dun-cow  305 

Did,  like  another  Guy,  o'erthrow  jt 

But  Guy,  with  him  in  fight  compar'd. 

Had  like  the  boar  or  dun-cow  far'd : 

With  greater  troops  of  sheep  h'  had  fought 

Than  Ajax,  or  bold  Don  Quixot  ;§  310 

And  many  a  serpent  of  fell  kind. 

With  wings  before,  and  stings  behind, 

Subdu'd  ;||  as  poets  say,  long  agone. 

Bold  Sir  George  Saint  George  did  the  dragon.lT 

*  Both  were  of  the  same  fanatic  sect,  and  inured  to  scenes  of 
cruelty  from  their  employments. 

t  He  was  a  butcher;  and  as  greasy  as  the  Greek  and  Roman 
wrestlers,  who  anointed  themselves  with  oil  to  nialte  their  joints 
more  supple,  and  prevent  strains. 

i  The  slory  of  Guy,  earl  of  Warwick,  and  the  dun-cow  killed 
by  him  at  Dunsmore  heath,  in  Warwickshire,  is  well  known  in 
romance.  He  lived  about  the  tentli  century.  A  rib  of  this  cow 
is  now  shown  in  Warwick  castle  ;  but  more  probably  it  is  some 
bone  of  a  whale. 

$  Ajax,  when  mad  with  rage  for  having  lost  the  armor  of 
Achilles,  attacked  and  slew  a  flock  of  sheep,  mistaking  them 
for  the  Grecian  princes.  See  Sophocles,  Ajax.  1.  29.  Horace, 
Satire  iii.  book  ii.  ).  197.  Don  Uuixote  encountered  a  flock  of 
sheep,  and  imagined  they  were  the  giant  Alipharnon  of  Tapo- 
brana. 

II  Meaning  the  flies,  wasps,  and  hornets,  which  prey  upon 
tlie  butchers'  meat,  and  were  killed  by  the  valiant  Talgoi.  Fell 
is  a  Saxon  word,  and  signifies  cruel,  deadly :  hence  the  term 
fellow  is  used  to  denote  a  cruel  wicked  man  :  perhaps  fellow  in 
a  better  sense  may  signify  companion,  from  feel,  fellow-feeling. 

II  Sir  George,  because  tradition  makes  him  a  soldier  as  well  as 
a  saint:  or  a  hero  (eques)  as  well  as  a  martyr.  But  all  heroes 
in  romance  have  the  appellation  of  Sir,  as  Sir  Belianis  of  Greece, 
Sir  Palmerin,  &c'.  As  to  the  patron  saint  of  England,  the  le- 
gendary accounts  assign  the  exploits  and  sufferings  of  George 
the  Martyr  to  the  times  of  Diocletian,  or  even  to  an  era  still 
earlier,  before  George,  the  Arian  bishop  of  Alexandria,  was 
born ;  and  the  character  given  to  that  profligate  prelate,  by  his 
contemporaries,  .\mm.  Marcellinus  and  St.  Epiphanius,  is  in 
direct  variance  with  the  high  panegyric  of  the  pious  martyr,  by 


94  inJDIBUAS.  [Part  i. 

Nor  engine,  nor  device  polemic,  315 

Disease,  nor  doctor  epidemic,* 

Tho'  stored  with  deletery  med'cines,+ 

Which  whosoever  took  is  dead  since, 

E'er  sent  so  vast  a  colony 

To  both  the  under  worlds  as  he  ;t  320 

For  he  was  of  that  noble  trade 

That  demi-gods  and  heroes  inade,^ 

Slaughter  and  knocking  on  the  head. 

The  trade  to  which  they  all  were  bred ; 

Venantius  Fortunatus  in  Justinian's  time.  Nor  are  the  narra- 
tives of  their  deaths  less  inconsistent.  All  which  considera- 
tions sufficiently  invalidate  the  unsupported  conjecture  so  invid- 
iously adopted  by  some,  that  our  guardian  saint,  instead  of  a 
Christian  hero,  was  in  reality  an  avaricious  and  oppressive  he- 
retical usurper  of  Athanasius's  see.    But  to  return. 

There  was  a  real  Sir  George  St.  George,  who,  with  Sir  Robert 
Newcomen,  and  Major  Ormsby,  was,  in  February,  1G43,  (about 
our  poet's  time,)  made  commissioner  for  the  government  of  Con- 
naught;  and  it  is  not  improbable  that  this  coincidence  of  names 
might  strike  forcibly  on  the  playful  imagination  of  Jlr.  Butler. 
It  is  whimsical  too,  that  George  Monk,  in  a  collection  of  loyal 
songs,  is  said  to  have  slain  a  most  cruel  dragon,  meaning  the 
Rump  parliament;  or,  perhaps,  the  poet  might  mean  to  ridicule 
the  Presbyterians,  who  refused  even  to  call  the  apostles  Peter 
and  Paul  saints,  much  more  St.  George,  but  in  mockery  called 
them  Sir  Peter,  Sir  Paul,  Sir  George. — The  sword  of  St.  George 
is  thus  ludicrously  described. 
His  sword  would  serve  for  battle,  or  for  dinner,  if  you  please, 
When  it  had  slain  a  Cheshire  man  'twould  toast  a  Cheshire 
cheese. 
*  The  plain  meaning  is — not  military  engine,  nor  stratagem, 
nor  disease,  nor  doctor  epidemic,  ever  destroyed  so  many.  The 
inquisition,  tortures,  or  persecutions,  have  nothing  to  do  here. 
There  is  humor  in  joining  the  epithet  epidemic  to  doctor,  as 
well  as  to  the  disease  ;  intimating,  perhaps,  that  no  constitution 
of  the  air  is  more  dangerous  than  the  approach  of  an  itinerant 
practitioner  of  physic.  . 

HoXAuii'  larpoiv  ctao&bs  ji    dirwXeo-ev. 

[Ex  incerto  Comico  ap.  Grot.] 
Thus  Juvenal — 

Quot  Themisen  segros  autumno  occiderit  uno. 

Sat.  X.  221. 
Butler  in  his  Genuine  Remains,  vol.  ii.  p.  304,  says,  "  A  nioun- 
"  tebank  is  defined  to  be  an  epidemic  physician." 
t  Deletery,  noxious,  dangerous,  from  SrjXiiii,  ^riXrjT-fipiov. 
t  Virgil,  in  his  sixth  yEneid,  describes  both  the  Elysian  Fields 
and  Tartarus  as  below,  and  not  far  asunder. 

^  Very  justly  satirizing  those  that  pride  themselves  on  their 
military  achievements.  The  general  who  massacres  thousands, 
Is  called  great  and  glorious;  the  assassin  who  kills  a  single  man 
is  hanged  at  Tyburn. 

Ille  crucem  pretium  sccleris  tulet ;  hie  diadema. 

Juvenal.  Sat.  .xiii.  105. 


Canto  n.]  HUDIBRAS.  95 

And  is,  like  others,  glorious  when  325 

'Tis  great  and  large,  but  base,  if  mean  ;* 

The  former  rides  in  triumph  for  it. 

The  latter  in  a  two-vvlieel'd  chariot, 

For  daring  to  profane  a  thing 

So  sacred,  with  vile  bungleing.t  330 

Next  these  the  brave  Magnano  came, 
Magnano,  great  in  martial  fame  ; 
Yet,  when  vith  Orsin  he  wag'd  fight, 
'Tis  sung  he  got  but  little  by't : 

Yet  he  was  fierce  as  forest  boar,  335 

Whose  spoils  upon  his  back  he  wore,t 
As  thick  as  Ajax'  seven-fold  shield. 
Which  o'er  his  brazen  arms  he  held  ; 
But  brass  was  feeble  to  resist 

The  fury  of  his  armed  fist :  340 

Nor  could  the  hardest  iron  hold  out 
Against  his  blows,  but  they  would  through't 
In  magic  he  was  deeply  read, 
As  he  that  made  the  brazen  head  ;§ 


*  Julius  C'ffisar  is  said  to  have  fought  fifty  battles,  and  to  have 
killed  of  the  Gauls  alone,  eleven  hundred  ninety-two  thousand 
men,  and  as  many  more  in  his  civil  wars.  In  the  inscription 
which  Pompey  placed  in  the  temple  of  Minerva,  he  professed 
that  he  had  slain,  or  vanquished  and  taken,  two  millions  one 
hundred  and  eighty-three  thousand  men. 

t  The  last  word  is  here  lengthened  into  bungleing  for  the  sake 
of  the  metre. 

t  Meaning  his  budget  made  of  pig's  skin. 

§  The  device  of  the  brazen  head,  which  was  to  speak  a  proph- 
ecy at  a  certain  time,  had  by  some  been  imputed  to  Grossa  Testa, 
bishop  of  Lincoln,  as  appears  from  Gower,  the  old  Welsh  poet. 
[The  assertion  of  Gower's  being  from  Wales  is  Caxton's ;  but 
there  is  every  reason  to  believe  he  was  of  the  Gower  family  of 
Stitenham  in  Yorkshire.  See  Todd's  Illustration  of  the  Lives 
and  Writings  of  Gower  and  Chaucer.] 

For  of  the  great  clerke  Grostcst 

I  rede,  howe  busy  that  he  was  * 

Upon  the  clergie  an  hede  of  bras 

To  forge,  and  make  it  for  to  telle 

Of  suche  thynges  as  befelle : 

And  seven  yeeres  besinesse 

He  laide,  but  for  the  lachesse  [negligence] 

Of  halfe  a  minute  of  an  houre. 

Fro  first  he  began  laboure. 

He  loste  all  that  he  had  do. 

Confessio  Amantis,  B.  iv. 
Others  supposed  that  the  design  of  making  the  brazen  head 
originated  with  Albertus  Magnus.  But  the  generality  of  writers, 
and  our  poet  among  the  rest,  have  ascribed  it  to  Roger  Bacon,  a 
cordelier  friar,  who  flourished  in  the  thirteenth  century,  and  is 
said  to  have  known  the  use  of  the  telescope.     Mr.  Beckwith,  ia 


8  HUDIBRAS.  [Part   . 

Profoundly  skill'd  in  the  black  art,  343 

As  English  Merlin,  for  his  heart  ;* 
But  far  more  skilful  in  the  spheres. 
Than  he  was  at  the  sieve  and  shears.t 
He  cou'd  transform  himself  to  colour, 
As  like  the  devil  as  a  collier ;  3.M) 

As  like  as  hypocrites  in  show- 
Are  to  true  saints,  or  crow  to  crow 
Of  warlike  engines  he  was  author, 
Devis'd  for  quick  dispatch  of  slaughter  ;t 
The  cannon,  blunderbuss,  and  saker,  355 

He  was  th'  inventor  of,  and  maker: 
The  trumpet  and  the  kettle-drum 
Did  both  from  his  invention  come. 
He  was  the  first  that  e'er  did  teach 
To  make,  and  how  to  stop,  a  breach.^  360 


his  new  edition  of  Blount's  Fragmenta  Antiquitatis,  supposes 
Roger  Bacon  to  have  been  born  near  Mekesburgh,  now  Mex- 
borough,  in  the  county  of  York,  and  that  his  famous  brazen 
head  was  set  up  in  a  field  at  Rothwell,  near  Leeds. 

His  great. knowledge  caused  him  to  be  thought  a  magician  ;  the 
superior  of  his  order  put  him  in  prison  on  that  account,  from 
whence  he  was  delivered,  and  died  A.  D.  1292,  aged  78.  Some, 
however,  believe  the  story  of  the  head  to  be  nothing  more  than 
a  moral  fable. 

*  This  alludes  to  William  Lilly  the  astrologer. — Merlin  was  a 
Welsh  magician,  who  lived  about  the  year  500.     He  was  reck 
oned  llie  prince  of  enchanters;  one  that  could  outdo  and  undo 
the  enchantments  of  all  others.     Spenser,  book  i.  c.  vii.  3C. 
It  Merlin  was,  which  whylome  did  excell 
All  living  wightes  in  might  of  niagicke  spell. 

There  was  also  a  Scotch  Jlerlin,  a  prophet,  called  Merlinus 
Caledonius,  or  Merlin  the  Wild,  who  lived  at  Allewyd  about  the 
year  570.  Geoffry  of  Monmouth  hath  written  the  fabulous  his- 
tory of  both  these  persons :  of  the  Briton,  in  his  book  de  gestis 
Britonum,  f.  51,  ed.  Ascens.  3508 — of  the  Scot,  in  a  Latin  poem 
preserved  in  the  Cotton  Library.  See  Pinkerton's  Inquiry  into 
the  History  of  Scotland,  vol.  ii.  p.  275. 
't  The  literal  sense  would  be,  that  he  was  skilful  in  the  heav- 
enly spheres ;  that  is,  was  a  great  astrologer:  but  a  sphere  is 
properly  any  thing  round,  and  the  tinker's  skill  lay  in  mending 
pots  and  kettles,  which  are  commonly  of  that  shape.  There 
was  a  kind  of  divination  practised  "impia  fraude  ant  anili  super- 
stitione" — a  sieve  was  put  upon  the  point  of  a  pair  of  shear5, 
and  expected  to  turn  round  when  the  person  or  thing  inquired 
after  was  named.  This  silly  method  of  applying  for  informa- 
tion is  mentioned  by  Theocritus,  Idyll.  3.  It  is  called  Coscino- 
mantia. 

i  This  seems  to  be  introduced  to  keep  up  the  comparison. 
Roger  Bacon  is  said  to  have  invented  gunpowder.  It  has  been 
observed,  that  gunpowder  was  invented  by  a  priest,  and  printing 
by  a  soldier. 

$  Tinkers  are  said  to  mend  one  hole,  and  make  two. 


Canto  ii.]  HUDIBRAS.  97 

A  lance  he  bore  with  iron  pike, 
Til'  one  half  wou'd  thrust,  the  other  strike  ; 
And  when  their  forces  he  had  join'd, 
He  scorn'd  to  turn  his  parts  behind.     • 

He  Trulla  lov'd  *  Trulla  more  bright  365 

Than  burnish'd  armor  of  her  kuiglit ; 
A  bold  virago,  stout,  and  tall, 
As  Joan  of  France,  or  English  Mall  ;t 
Thro'  perils  both  of  wind  and  limb. 
Thro'  thick  and  thin  she  foUow'd  him  370 

In  ev'ry  adventure  ii'  undertook, 
And  never  him  or  it  forsook : 
At  breacii  of  wall,  or  hedge  surprise, 
She  shar'd  i'  th'  hazard,  and  the  prize  ; 
At  beating  quarters  up,  or  forage,  375 

Behav'd  herself  with  matchless  courage, 
And  laid  about  in  fight  more  busily 
Than  th'  Amazonian  Dame  Penthesile  ;t 
And  tho'  some  critics  here  cry  Shame, 
And  say  our  authors  are  to  blame,  380 

'I'hat,  spite  of  all  philosophers. 
Who  hold  no  females  stout  but  bears. 
And  heretofore  did  so  abhor 
That  women  should  pretend  to  war, 
They  would  not  suffer  the  stout'st  dame  385 

To  swear  by  Hercules  his  name  ;§ 

*  Trull  is  a  profligate  woman,  that  follows  the  camp.  Trulla 
signifies  the  same  in  Italian.  Casaiihon  derives  it  Ironi  the  Greek 
ftarpiXXri. — The  character  is  said  to  have  been  intended  for  the 
daughter  of  one  James  Spencer. 

t  Joan  d'Arc,  commonly  called  the  Maid  of  Orleans,  has  been 
sufficiently  celebrated  in  the  English  histories  of  the  reign  of 
Henry  VI.  about  the  years  1428  and  1429. 

English  Moll  was  no  less  famous  about  the  year  1670.  Her 
real  name  was  Mary  Carlton  ;  but  she  was  more  commonly  dis- 
tinguished by  tlie  title  of  Kentish  Moll,  or  the  German  princess. 
— A  renowned  cheat  and  pickpocket,  who  was  transported  to 
Jamaica  in  1671 ;  and,  being  soon  after  discovered  at  large,  was 
hanged  at  Tyburn,  January  22.  1672-3.  Memoirs  of  Mary  Carl- 
ton were  published  1073.  Granger,  in  his  Biographical  History, 
calls  her  Mary  Firth.  See  vol.  ii.  p.  408.  ed.  8vo.  She  was  com- 
monly called  English  Mall.  Thus  Cleveland,  p.  07,  "certainly 
"  it  is  under  the  same  notion,  as  one  wliose  pockets  are  picked 
"goes  to  Mai  Cutpnrse."' 

i  In  the  first  editions  it  is  printed  with  more  humor  Pen- 
thesile.   See  Virgil,  .^neid.  i.  490. 

Ducit  An\azonidum  lunatis  agmina  peltis 
Penthesilea  furens,  mediisque  in  millibus  ardet, 
Aurea  subneclens  e.xserts  cingula  niamniK 
Bellatrix,  audetque  viris  concurrere  virgo. 

6  The  men  and  women,  among  the  Romaa»,  did  not  use  tbo 
5 


98  HUDIBRAS,  [Part  i. 

Make  feeble  ladies  in  their  works, 
To  fight  like  termagants  and  Turks  •* 
To  lay  their  native  arms  aside, 

Their  modesty,  and  ride  astride  ;t  390 

To  run  a  tilt  at  men  and  v^ield 
Their  naked  tools  in  open  field  ; 
As  stout  Arniida,  bold  Thalestris, 
And  she  that  would  have  been  the  mistress 
Of  Gundibert,  but  he  had  grace,  395 

And  rather  took  a  country  lass  :t 


same  oath,  or  swear  by  the  same  deity  ;  Aiilus  Gellius,  Noctes 
Atticse,  lib.  xi.  cap.  6;  but  commonly  the  oath  of  women  was 
Castor;  of  men  Edepol.orMehercule.  According  to  Macrobius, 
the  men  did  not  swear  by  Castor,  nor  the  women  by  Hercules  ; 
but  Eilepol,  or  swearing  by  Pollux,  was  common  to  both. 

*,The  word  termagant  now  signifies  a  noisy  and  troublesome 
person,  especially  of  the  female  sex.  How  it  came  by  this  sig- 
nification i  know  not.  Some  derive  it  from  the  Latin  ter  niagnus, 
felix  ter  et  amplius  ;  but  Junius  thinks  it  compounded  of  the 
Anglo  Saxon  t^p,  the  superlative  or  third  degree  of  comparison, 
and  maja  potens :  thus  the  Saxon  word  eabeg  happy,  typ 
eabes  most  happy. — In  Chaucer's  rime  of  sire  Thopas,  termagant 
appears  to  l)e  the  name  of  a  deity.  The  giant  sire  Oliphaunt, 
swears  by  Termagaunt,  line  1.3741.  Bale,  describing  the  threats 
used  by  some  papist  magistrates  to  his  wife,  speaks  of  them  as 
"grennying  upon  her  lyke  termagaunts  in  a  playe."  And  Ham- 
let in  Shakspeare,  (Act  iii.  sc.  2.)  "I  would  have  such  a  fellow 
whipp'd  for  o'erdoing  Termagant,  it  out-herods  Herod."  The 
French  romances  corrupted  the  word  into  tervagaunt,  and  from 
them  La  Fontaine  took  it  up,  and  has  used  it  more  than  once  in 
his  Tales.  Mr.  Tyrwhitt  informs  us  that  this  Saracen  deity,  in 
an  old  MS.  romance  in  the  Eodleian  Library,  is  constantly  called 
Tervagan. 

Bishop  Warburton  very  justly  observes,  that  this  passage  is  a 
fine  satire  on  the  Italian  epic  poets,  Ariosto,  Tasso,  and  others  ; 
who  have  introduced  their  female  warriors,  and  are  followed  in 
this  absurdity  by  Spenser  and  Davenant. — Bishop  Hurd,  likewise, 
in  his  ingenious  and  elegant  Letters  on  Chivalry,  p.  12,  says, 
"One  of  the  strangest  circumstances  (in  old  romance;  is  that  of 
"the  women  warriors.  Butler,  wlio  saw  it  in  this  light,  ridi- 
"cules  it,  as  a  most  unnatural  idea,  with  great  spirit.  Yet,  in 
"  these  representations  they  did  but  copy  from  the  manners  of 
"the  times.  Anna  Comncna  tells  us,  that  the  wife  of  Roberf 
"the  Norman  fought,  side  by  side,  with  her -husband  in  his 
"battles." 

t  Camden,  in  his  account  of  Richmond,  (Article  Stirrey,  vol. 
f.  col.  188,  ed.  1722,)  says,  that  Anne,  wife  of  Richard  II.,  daugh- 
ter of  the  emperor  Charles  IV.,  taught  the  English  women  the 
present  mode  of  riding,  about  the  year  1388.  Before  which  time 
they  rode  astride. — J.  Gower,  who  dates  his  poem  16  Richard  II., 
1394,  describing  a  company  of  ladies  on  horseback,  says,  "  everich 
"one  ride  on  side,"  p.  70,  a.  2. 

i  The  princess  Rhodalind  harbored  a  secret  affection  for  Gon- 
dibert ;  but  he  was  more  struck  with  the  charms  of  the  hamblu 
Birtha,  daughter  to  the  sage  Astragon. 


Canto  u.]  HUDIBHAS.  99 

They  say  'tis  false,  without  all  sense, 

But  of  pernicious  consequence 

To  government,  which  they  suppose 

Can  never  be  upheld  in  prose  :*  400 

Strip  nature  naked  to  the  skin. 

You'll  find  about  her  no  such  thing. 

It  may  be  so,  yet  what  we  tell 

Of  Trulla,  that's  improbable, 

Shall  be  depos'd  by  those  have  seen't,  405 

Or,  what's  as  good,  produc'd  in  print  ;t 

And  if  they  will  not  take  our  word. 

We'll  prove  it  true  upon  record. 

The  upright  Cerdon  next  advanc't,t 
Of  all  his  race  the  valiant'st ;  410 

Cerdon  the  Great,  renown'd  in  song. 
Like  Herc'les,  for  repair  of  wrong  : 

Ho  rais'd  the  low,  and  fortify'd 
The  weak  against  the  strongest  side  :§ 
111  has  he  read,  that  never  hit  415 

On  him  in  muses'  deathless  writ.|| 

Courts  she  ne'er  saw ;  yet  courts  could  have  outdone, 
With  untaught  looks,  and  an  unpractis'd  heart. 

*  Butler  loses  no  opportunity  of  rallying  Sir  William  Dave- 
rant,  and  burlesquing  his  poem  entitled  Gondibert.  Sir  William, 
like  many  professional  men,  was  much  attached  to  his  own  line 
of  science;  and  in  his  preface  to  Gondibert,  endeavors  to  show, 
that  neither  divines,  leaders  of  armies,  statesmen,  nor  ministers 
of  the  law,  could  uphold  the  government  without  the  aid  of 
poetry. 

t  The  vulgar  imagine  thievery  thing  which  they  see  in 
print  must  be  true.  An  instahce  of  this  is  related  by  our  coun- 
tryman, Mr.  Martin,  who  was  thrown  into  the  inquisition  for 
neglecting  to  pay  due  respect  to  a  religious  procession  at  Malaga. 
One  of  the  father-inquisitors  took  much  pains  to  convert  him  ; 
and  among  other  abuses  which  he  cast  on  the  reformed  religion 
and  its  professors,  affirmed  that  king  William  was  an  atheist, 
and  never  reteived  the  sacrament.  Mr.  Martin  assured  him  this 
was  false  to  his  own  knowledge :  when  the  reverend  father  re- 
plied, "  Isaac,  Isaac,  never  tell  me  so. — I  have  read  it  in  a  French 
book." 

t  An  equivoque  on  the  word  upright.  Perhaps  our  poet  might 
here  mean  to  satirize  Colonel  Hewson,  who  was  a  cobbler,  great 
preacher,  and  a  commander  of  some  note  :  "renown'd  in  tonij," 
for  there  are  many  ballads  and  poems  which  celebrate  the  cob- 
bler and  his  stall. 

$  Repaired  the  heels,  and  mended  the  worn-out  parts  of  ths 
shoe. 

II  A  parody  upon  these  lines  in  Gondiberi: 

Recorded  Rhodalind,  whose  name  in  verso 
Who  hath  not  hit,  not  luckily  hath  read. 


Oi  thus : 


Recorded  Rhodalind,  whose  high  renown 
Who  miss  in  books,  not  luckily  tave  read. 


100  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  t 

He  had  a  weapon  keen  and  fierce, 

That  thro'  a  bull-hide  shield  would  pierce,* 

And  cut  it  in  a  thousand  pieces, 

The'  tougher  than  the  Knight  of  Greece  his,t         420 

With  whom  his  black-thumb'd  ancestor! 

Was  comrade  in  ^he  ten  years'  war  : 

For  when  the  restless  Greeks  sat  down 

So  many  years  before  Troy  town, 

And  were  reiiown'd,  as  Homer  writes,  425 

For  well-sol'd  boots  no  less  than  fights,§ 

They  ow'd  that  glory  only  to 

His  ancestor,  that  made  them  so. 

Fast  friend  he  was  to  reformation, 

Until  'twas  worn  quite  out  of  fashion  ;  430 

Next  rectifier  of  wry  law, 

And  would  make  three  to  cure  one  flaw. 

Learned  he  was,  and  could  take  note, 

Transcribe,  collect,  translate,  and  quote : 

But  preaching  was  his  chiefest  talent,  435 

Or  argument,  in  which  being  valiant, 

He  us'd  to  lay  about,  and  stickle, 

Like  ram  or  bull  at  conventicle  : 

For  disputants,  like  rams  and  bulls. 

Do  fight  with  arms  that  spring  from  sculls.  440 

Last  Colon  came,||  bold  man  of  war 
Destin'd  to  blows  by  fatal  star  ; 
Right  expert  in  command  of  horse, 
But  cruel,  and  without  remorse. 

That  which  of  Centaur  loUg  ago  445 

Was  said,  and  has  been  wrested  to 
Some  other  knights,  was  true  of  this : 
He  and  his  horse  were  of  a  piece : 
One  spirit  did  inform  th^m  both. 
The  self-same  vigour,  fury,  wroth  ;  450 

*  Meaning  his  sharp  knife,  with  which  he  cut  the  leather 
t  The  slileld  of  Ajax. 

Aiaf  3'  iyyvdiv  }j\Oe,  <pip(i)v  aaKot  rjiTC  /rtJpyuv, 
Xd^Kcov,  l-KTaBde^ov,  '6  u[  Tvx'os  xdjit  Ttvx''>v- 

Iliad,  vii.  219. 
i  According  to  the  old  verses : 

Tlir  liiphtr  the  plumb-tree,  the  riper  the  plumb; 
The  richer  tlie  cobbler,  the  blacker  his  thumb. 
?    Eti<fvi7/nO£{  'Axaioi — Kvri^iU,  was  an  armor  for  the  legs, 
from  Kvt'ijiTi,  tibia,  crus,  which  Butler  ludicrously  calls  boots. 

II  Colon  is  said,  by  Sir  Robert  L'Estrange,  to  be  one  Ned  Perry, 
an  ostler ;  possibly  he  had  risen  to  some  command  in  a  regiment 
3f  horse 


Canto  u.]  HUDIBRAS.  101 

Yet  he  was  much  the  rougher  part, 

And  always  had  the  harder  heart, 

Altho'  his  horse  had  been  of  those 

That  fed  on  man's  flesh,  as  fame  goes  :* 

Strange  food  for  horse  !  and  yet,  alas  !  435 

It  may  be  true,  for  flesh  is  grass.t 

Sturdy  he  was,  and  no  less  able 

Than  Hercules  to  cleanse  a  stable  ;t 

As  great  a  drover,  and  as  great 

A  critic  too,  in  hog  or  neat.  460 

He  ripp'd  the  womb  up  of  his  mother. 

Dame  Tellus,§  'cause  sjie  wanted  fother, 

And  provender,  wherewith  to  feed 

Himself,  and  his  less  cruel  steed. 

It  was  a  question  whether  he,  465 

Or's  horse,  were  of  a  family 

More  worshipful ;  'till  antiquaries. 

After  th'ad  almost  por'd  out  their  eyes. 

Did  very  learnedly  decide 

The  bus'ness  on  the  horse's  side,  470 

And  prov'd  not  only  horse,  but  cows. 

Nay  pigs,  were  of  the  elder  house  : 

*  The  horses  of  Diomedes  were  said  to  have  been  fed  with 
nunian  flesh. 

Non  tibi  succurrit  cnidi  Diomedis  ima^'o, 
Eflierus  huniana  qui  dape  pavit  eqiias. 

Ovid.  Epist.  Deianira  Herculi. 

The  moral,  perhaps,  might  be,  that  Diomede  was  mined  by 
keeping  his  horses,  as  Acleon  was  said  to  be  devoured  by  his 
dogs,  because  he  was  ruined  Uy  keeping  them:  a  good  hint  to 
young  men,  qui  gaudent  equis,  canibusque  ;  the  French  say,  of 
a  man  who  has  ruined  himself  by  extravagance,  il  a  mange  ses 
biens. 

See  the  account  of  Duncan's  horses  in  Shakspeare,  (Macbeth, 
Ac.  ii.  sc.  4.) 

t  Our  poet  takes  a  particular  pleasure  in  bantering  Sir  Thomas 
Browne,  author  of  the  Vulgar  Errors,  and  Religio  Medici.  In 
the  latter  of  these  tracts  he  had  said,  "All  flesh  is  grass,  not 
"  only  metaphorically,  but  literally :  for  all  those  creatures  we 
"behold,  are  but  the  herbs  of  the  field  digested  into  flesh  in 
"  them,  or  more  remotely  carnified  in  ourselves.  Nay,  farther, 
"  we  are,  what  we  all  abhor,  anthropophagi  and  cannibals  ;  de- 
"  vourers  not  only  of  men  but  of  ourselves,  and  th;it  not  in  alle- 
"gory  but  positive  truth;  for  all  this  mass  of  flesh  which  we 
"  behold  came  in  at  our  mouth  ;  this  frame  we  look  upon  hath 
"  been  upon  our  trenchers." 

i  Alluding  to  the  fabulous  story  of  Hercules,  who  cleansed 
the  stables  of  Augeus,  king  of  Elis,  by  turning  the  river  Alpheus 
through  them. 

^  This  means  no  more  than  his  ploughing  the  ground.  The 
ninck  epic  delights  in  exaggerating  the  most  trifling  circumstan 
ces.    This  whole  character  is  full  of  w  =t  and  hapi>y  allusions. 


105;  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  i 

For  beasts,  when  man  was  but  a  piece 
Of  earth  himself,  did  th'  earth  possess. 

These  worthies  were  the  chief  that  led  475 

Tlie  combatants,*  each  in  the  head 
Of  his  command,  with  arms  aad  rage, 
Ready  and  longing  to  engage. 
Tlio  ftumerous  rabble  was  drawn  out 
Of  sev'ral  countries  round  about,  480 

From  villages  remote,  and  shires, 
Of  east  and  western  hemispheres. 
From  foreign  parishes  and  regions, 
Of  different  manners,  speech,  religignsji 
Came  men  and  mastiffs ;  some  to  fight  485 

For  fame  and  honor,  some  for  sight. 
And  now  the  field  of  death,  the  lists. 
Were  enter'd  by  antagonists, 
And  blood  was  ready  to  be  broach'd, 
When  Hudibras  in  haste  approach'd,  490 

With  Squire  and  weapons  to  attack  'em ; 
But  first  thus  from  his  horse  bespake  'em: 

What  rage,  O  citizens  !t  what  fury 
Doth  you  to  these  dire  actions  hurry  ? 
What  CEstrum,  what  phrenetic  mood§  495 


*  All  Eiitler's  heroes  are  round-heads :  the  cavaliers  are  sel- 
dom mentioned  in  his  poem.  The  reason  may  be,  that  his  satire 
on  the  two  predominant  sects  would  not  have  had  the  saine 
force  from  the  mouth  of  a  royalist.  It  is  now  founded  on  tfie 
acknowledgments  and  mutual  recriminations  of  the  parties  ex- 
posed. 

t  In  a  thanksgiving  sermon  preached  before  the  parliament  on 
the  taking  of  Chester,  the  pre?i  her  said,  there  were  in  London 
no  le;,s  than  one  hundred  and  fifty  different  sects. 

t  Butler  certainly  had  thcso  lines  of  Lucan  in  view,  Phar- 
Bal  i-8: 

Quis  furor,  O  cives,  roe  tanta  licentia  ferri, 
Gentibiis  invisus  Ij?.l'im  priEliere  cruoruni  ? 
Cumque  superua  (f.rrl  Bahylon  spolianda  trophtcis 
Ausoniis,  timb'xOiio  erraret  Crassus  inult&, 
Bella  geri  placuii  nullos  habiiura  triumphos'J 
Heu,  quaricurr,  potult  terra;  pelagiquc  parari 
Hoc,  quern  civiles  hauserunt,  sanguine,  dextrae. 

ind  Virgil,  yEn.ii.  42: 

O  miseri,  qufe  tanta  insania,  cives? 

Perhaps,  too,  he  recollected  the  seventh  epode  of  Horace : 

duo,  quo  scelesti,  ruitis  ?  aut  cur  dexteris 
Aptantur  enses  conditio 

{  OT^pos  is  not  only  a  Greek  word  for  madness,  but  signifies 
»lso  a  gad-bee.  or  horse-fly,  that  torments  cattle  in  the  summer 
Hid  makes  them  run  about  as  if  they  were  mad 


Canto  u.]  HUDIBRAS.  103 

Makes  you  thus  lavish  of  your  blood, 
While  the  proud  Vies  your  trophies  hoist. 

And,  unreveng'd,  walks ghost  ?* 

What  towns,  what  garrisons  might  you, 

Witli  hazard  of  this  blood,  subdue,  500 

Which  now  y'  are  bent  to  throw  away 

In  vain,  untriumphable  fray  ?t 

Shall  saints  in  civil  bloodshed  wallow 

Of  saints,  and  let  the  cause  lie  fallow  ?t 

The  cause,  for  which  we  fought  and  swore  505 

So  boldly,  shall  we  now  give  o'er? 

Then,  because  quarrels  still  are  seen 

With  oaths  and  swearings  to  begin, 

The  solemn  league  and  covenant§ 

Will  seem  a  mere  God-damn-me  rant,  510 

And  we  that  took  it,  and  have  fought, 

As  lewd  as  drunkards  that  fall  out : 

For  as  we  make  war  for  the  king 

Against  himself,||  the  self-same  thing 

Some  will  not  stick  to  swear  we  do  515 

For  God,  and  for  religion  too  ; 


*  Vies,  or  Devizes,  in  Wiltshire.  This  passage  alludes  to  the 
defeat  given  by  Wilmot  to  the  forces  under  Sir  William  Waller, 
near  that  place,  July  13,  1643.  After  the  battle  Sir  William  was 
entirely  neglected  by  his  party.  Clarendon  calls  it  the  battle  of 
liouudvvay-down.  See  vol.  ii.  p.  224.  Some  in  joke  call  it  Run- 
away-down. Others  suppose  the  hiatus,  in  the  second  line, 
ought  to  be  supplied  by  the  name  Hampden,  who  was  killed  in 
•■■halgrove-field  in  Oxfordshire,  about  the  time  of  Waller'.s  de- 
feat in  the  neighborhood  of  the  Devizes. — The  heathen  poets 
have  feigned,  that  the  ghosts  of  the  slain  could  not  enter  Ely- 
sium till  their  deaths  were  revenged. 

t  The  Romans  never  granted  a  triumph  to  the  conqueror  in  a 
civil  war. 

I  The  support  of  the  discipline,  or  ecclesiastical  regimen  by 
presbyters,  was  called  the  Cause,  as  if  no  other  cause  were  com- 
parable to  it.    See  Hooker's  Eccles.  Pol.,  preface. 

§  Mr.  Robert  Gordon,  in  his  history  of  the  illustrious  family 
of  Gordon,  vol.  ii.  p.  197,  compares  the  solemn  league  and  cove- 
nant with  the  holy  league  in  France :  he  says,  they  were  as  like 
as  one  egg  to  another ;  the  one  was  nursed  by  the  Jesuits,  the 
other  by  tiie  Scots  Presbyterians. 

II  "To  secure  the  king's  person  from  danger,"  says  Lord  Clar- 
endon, "  was  an  expression  they  were  not  ashamed  always  to 
'•  use,  when  there  was  no  danger  that  threatened,  but  what 
"themselves  contrived  and  designed  against  him.  They  not 
"only  declared  that  they  fought  for  the  king,  but  that  the  raising 
"and  maintaining  soldiers  for  their  own  army,  would  be  an  ac- 
"ceptable  service  for  the  king,  parliament,  and'kingdom." 

One  Blake,  in  the  king's  army,  gave  intelligence  to  the  enemy 
In  what  part  of  the  army  the  king  fought,  that  they  mi-ght  direw 
Iheir  bullets  accordingly 


104  HUDIBKAS.  [Part  t 

For  if  bear-baiting  we  allow, 

Wliat  gond  can  reformation  do?* 

The  blood  and  treasure  that's  laid  out 

Is  thrown  away,  and  goes  for  nought.  520 

Are  these  the  Iruits  o'  th'  protestation,t 

Tlie  piolotype  of  reformation,! 

Which  all  the  saints,  and  some,  since  martyrs,§ 

Wore  in  their  hats  like  wedding-garters,l| 

When  'twas  resolved  by  their  iiouse,  523 

Six  members'  quarrels  to  espouse '.'IT 

Did  they  for  this  draw  down  the  rabble. 

With  zeal,  and  noises  formidable  ;** 

And  make  all  cries  about  the  town 

Join  throats  to  cry  the  bishops  down?  530 

Who  having  round  begirt  the  palace, 

As  once  a  month  they  do  the  gallows,tt 

As  members  gave  the  sign  about, 

Set  up  their  throats  with  hideous  shout. 

*  Hewson  is  said,  by  Mr.  Hume,  to  liave  gone,  in  the  fervor 
of  Ills  zeal  against  bear-baiting,  and  liilleil  all  tlie  bears  vvliich 
he  could  tind  in  the  city.  But  we  are  told  by  the  author  of  the 
Mystery  of  the  good  old  Cause,  a  pamphlet  published  soon  after 
these  animals  were  destroyed,  that  they  were  killed  by  Colonel 
Fride.     Granger's  Biogra|)liical  History,  vol.  iii.  p.  75. 

t  'I'he  protestation  was  framed,  and  taken  in  the  house  of 
commons,  Rlay  3,  16-11  ;  and  immediately  printed  and  dispersed 
over  ihe  nation.  The  design  of  it  was  to  alarm  the  people  with 
fears  and  ajiprehensions  bolh  fur  their  civil  and  religions  liber- 
ties; as  if  tlie  Protestant  religion  were  in  danger,  and  the  privi- 
leges of  parliament  trampled  upon.  The  king  was  deemed  to 
have  acted  unconstitutionally  the  day  before,  by  taking  notice 
of  the  bill  of  attainder  against  the  earl  of  Strallbrd,  then  depend- 
ing in  the  house  of  lords. 

t  The  protestation  wjis  the  first  attempt  towards  a  national 
cnmliination  against  the  estalilishment,  and  was  harbinger  to  the 
covenant.  See  Nalson's  Collections,  vol.  i.  p.  ult.,  and  Walker's 
Suflerings  of  the  Clergy,  vol.  i.  2-2-t). 

^  Those  that  were  killed  in  the  war. 

II  The  protestors  or  petitioners,  when  they  came  tunniltuonsly 
to  the  parliament-house,  Dec.  27,  ll;41,  slack  pieces  of  paper  in 
their  hats,  which  were  to  piss  for  their  protestation. 

11  Charles  1.  ordered  the  following  iiiembers — Lord  Kimbnlton, 
Blr.  Pym,  Mr.  Hollis,  Mr.  Hampden,  Sir  Arthur  Hase.r.g,  and 
HI'.  Stn»ii — to  be  proseculed,  tiir  plotti»g  with  the  ?cois,  and 
stirring  up  sedition.  The  Cdiiiiiions  voted  against  their  arrest, 
and  the  king  went  to  the  hmisc  willi  his  guards,  in  order  to  seize 
them;  Imt  they  had  received  intelligence  of  the  design,  and 
made  their  escnpe.  This  was  one  of  the  first  acts  of  open  vio- 
lence which  preceded  the  civil  wars.  The  king  took  this  meas- 
ure chieliy  by  the  advice  of  Lord  Digby. 

**  The  cry  of  the  rabble  was,  as  mentioned  in  the  following 
lines,  tiir  reformation  in  church  and  state — no  bishops — no  evil 
counsellors,  &.c.     See  the  protestation  in  Rapin's  History. 

+  f  'J'he  executions  at  Tyburn  were  generally  once  a  month. 


Canto  u.]  HUDIBRAS.  X05 

"When  tinkers  bawl'd  aloud,  to  settle  535 

Churcli-discipline,  for  patching  kettle.* 

No  sow-gelder  did  blow  his  horn 

To  geld  a  cat,  but  cry'd  Reform. 

The  oyster-women  lock'd  their  fish  up, 

And  trudg'd  away  to  cry  No  Bishop :  540 

The  mouse-trap  men  laid  save-alls  by. 

And  'gainst  ev'l  counsellors  did  cry. 

Botchers  left  old  cloaths  in  the  lurcn. 

And  fell  to  turn  and  patch  the  church. 

isome  cry'd  the  covenaut,  instead  545 

Of  pudding-pies  and  ginger-bread : 

And  some  for  brooms,  old  boots,  and  shoes, 

Bawl'd  out  to  purge  the  commons'  house : 

Instead  of  kitchen-stufF,  some  cry 

A  gospel-preaching  ministry :  550 

And  some  for  old  suits,  coats,  or  cloak, 

No  surplices,  nor  service-book. 

A  strange  harmonious  inclination 

Of  all  degrees  to  reformation : 

And  is  this  all  ?  is  this  the  end  555 

To  wiiich  these  carr'ings-on  did  tend? 

Hath  public  faith,  like  a  young  heir, 

For  this  tak'n  up  ail  sorts  of  ware. 

And  run  int'  ev'ry  tradesman's  book, 

'Till  both  turn  bankrupts,  and  are  broke ;  560 

Did  saints  for  this  bring  in  their  plate, t 

And  crowd,  as  if  they  came  too  late? 

For  when  they  thought  the  Cause  had  need  on't 

Happy  was  he  that  could  be  rid  on't. 

Did  they  coin  piss-pots,  bowls,  and  flaggons,  560 

Int'  officers  of  horse  and  dragoons ; 

And  into  pikes  and  musqueteers 

Stamp  beakers,  cups,  and  porringers? 

A  thimble,  bodkin,  and  a  spoon. 

Did  start  up  living  men,  as  soon  570 

As  in  the  furnace  they  were  thrown, 

Just  like  the  dragon's  teetii  b'ing  sown.t 


*  For,  that  is,  instead  of;  as  also  in  v.  547  and  551. 

t  Zealous  persons,  on  both  sides,  lent  tiieir  plate,  to  raise 
money  for  recruiting  tlie  army.  Tlie  king,  or  some  one  for  tiia 
parliament,  gave  notes  of  tiand  to  repay  with  interest.  Several 
colleges  at  Oxford  have  notes  to  this  day,  for  their  plate  delivered 
to  the  king;  and  1  have  seen  many  other  notes  of  the  same 
nature.  Even  the  poor  women  brought  a  spoon,  a  thimble,  or  a 
bodkin. 

t  Ovid.    Metamorph.  lib.  iii.  106. 
5* 


106  HUDIBRAS.  [Parti. 

Then  was  the  cause  all  gold  and  plate, 

Tlie  brethren's  ofF'rings,  consecrate, 

Like  th'  Hebrew  calf,  and  down  before  it  575 

The  saints  fell  prostrate,  to  adore  it* 

So  say  the  wicked — and  will  you 

Make  that  sarcasmous  scandal  true,t 

By  running  after  dogs  and  bears, 

Beasts  more  unclean  than  calves  or  steers?  580 

Have  pow'rful  preachers  ply'd  their  tongues,t 

And  laid  themselves  out,  and  their  lungs  ; 

Us'd  all  means,  both  direct  and  sinister, 

I'  th'  power  of  gospel-preaching  minister? 

Have  they  invented  tones,  to  win  585 

The  women,  and  make  them  draw  in 

The  men  as  Indians  with  a  female 

Tame  elephant  inveigle  the  male  ?§ 

Have  they  told  prov'dence  what  it  must  do. 

Whom  to  avoid,  and  whom  to  trust  to?  590 

Discover'd  th'  enemy's  design, 

And  which  way  best  to  countermine  ; 

Prescribed  what  ways  he  hath  to  work. 

Or  it  will  ne'er  advance  the  kirk ; 

Told  it  the  news  o'  th'  last  express,  |1  595 

And  afte»  good  or  bad  success 


•  Exert,  xxxii. 

t  Sarcasmus  is  here  converted  into  an  adjective. 

i  Calainy,  Case,  and  tlie  other  dissenting  teaciiers,  exhorted 
their  flocks,  in  the  most  moving  terms  and  tones,  to  contribute 
their  money  towards  the  support  of  the  parliament  army. 

^  The  method  by  which  elephants  are  cuiight,  is  by  placing  a 
tame  female  elephant  within  an  inclosure,  who,  like  a  decoy- 
duck,  draws  in  the  male. 

II  The  prayers  of  the  Presbyterians,  in  those  days,  were  very 
historical.  Mr.  G.  Swaithe,  in  his  Prayers,  p.  12,  says,  "  I  hear 
"  the  king  hath  set  up  his  standard  at  York,  against  the  pariia- 
"  nient,  and  the  city  of  London.  Look  thou  upon  them  ;  take 
**  their  cause  in  thine  own  hand ;  appear  thon  in  the  cause  of 
"thy  saints;  the  cause  in  hand." 

"'J'ell  them,  from  the  Holy  Ghost,"  says  Beech,  "from  the 
■  word  of  truth,  that  their  destruction  shall  be  terrible,  it  shall 
"  be  timely,  it  shall  be  total. 

"Give  thanks  unto  the  Lord,  for  he  is  gracious,  and  his  mercy 
"endureth  forever. — Who  remembered  us  at  Naseby,  for  his 
"mercy  endureth  forever. 

"  Who  remembered  us  in  Pembrokeshire,  for  his  mercy,  &c. 

"Who  remembered  us  at  Leicester,  for  his  mercy,  &.c. 

"  Who  remembered  us  at  Taunton,  for  his  mercy,  &c. 

"Who  remembered  us  at  Bristol,  for  his  mercy,  &c."  See 
vrmon,  licensed  b)  Mr.  Cranford,  1645.— Mr.  Pennington,  lord 
mayor,  in  his  order  to  the  London  ministers,  April,  1643,  says, 
''  Yiu  »-re  to  commend  tcJ  God  in  your  prayers,  the  lord  general, 
"Um  whole  army  in  the  parliament  service;  as  also  in  youi 


Canto  u.]  HUDIBRAS  •  107 

INIade  prayers,  not  so  like  petitions. 
As  overtures  aud  propositions, 
Such  as  the  army  did  present 

To  their  creator,  the  parliament ;  COO 

In  which  they  freely  will  confess, 
They  will  not,  cannot  acquiesce, 
Unless  the  work  be  carry'd  on 
In  the  same  way  they  have  begun. 
By  setting  church  and  common-weal  C05 

All  on  a  flame,  bright  as  their  zeal, 
On  which  the  saints  were  all  a-gog. 
And  all  this  for  a  bear  and  dog. 
The  parliament  drew  up  petitions* 
To  'tself,  and  sent  them,  like  commissions,  eao 

To  well-afFected  persons  down, 
In  every  city  and  great  town, 
With  pow'r  to  levy  horse  and  men. 
Only  to  bring  them  back  again  ; 
For  this  did  many,  many  a  mile,  615 

Ride  manfully  in  rank  and  file. 
With  papers  in  their  hats,  that  show'd 
As  if  they  to  the  pillory  rode. 
•Have  all  these  courses,  these  efforts, 
Been  try'd  by  people  of  all  sorts,  63C 

Velis  et  remis,  omnibus  nervis,t 
And  all  t'  advance  the  cause's  service : 
And  shall  all  now  be  thrown  away 
In  petulant  intestine  fray  ? 

Shall  we,  that  in  the  cov'nant  swore,  623 

Each  man  of  us  to  run  before 


"  sermons  eflectually  to  stir  up  the  people  to  appear  in  person, 
"and  lo  join  with  the  army,  and  the  committee  for  the  militia  in 
"the  city." 

*  It  was  customary'  for  the  active  members  of  parliament  to 
draw  up  petitions  and  send  them  into  the  country  to  be  signed. 
Lord  Clarendon  charges  them  with  altering  the  matter  of  the 
petition  after  it  was  signed  and  affixing  a  fresh  petition  to  the 
names.  The  Hertfordshire  petition,  at  the  beginning  of  the  war, 
took  notice  of  things  done  in  parliament  the  night  before  its 
delivery:  it  was  signed  by  many  thousands.  Another  petition 
was  presented,  beginning,  "  We  men,  women,  children,  and 
"  servants,  having  considered,"  &c.  Fifteen  thousand  porters 
petitioned  against  the  bishops,  affirming  they  cannot  endiue  tho 
weight  of  episcopacy  any  longer. 

t  That  is,  with  all  their  might.  The  reader  will  remember, 
that  to  our  hero 

Latin  was  no  more  difficile 

Than  to  a  black-bird  'tis  to  whistle.        Canto  i.  I.  53 


108  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  i 

Another*  still  in  reformation, 

Give  dojjs  and  bears  a  dispensation  ? 

How  will  dissenting  brethren  relish  It? 

What  will  malignaiitst  say?  videlicet,  630 

That  eacli  man  swore  to  do  his  best, 

To  dam  and  perjure  all  the  rest; 

And  bid  the  devil  take  the  hinmost. 

Which  at  this  race  is  like  to  win  most. 

They'll  say,  our  bus'ness  to    eform  633 

The  church  and  state  is  but  a  worm  ; 

For  to  subscribe,  unsight,  unseen. 

T'  an  unknown  church's  discipline, 

What  is  it  else,  but,  before  hand, 

T'  engage,  and  after  understand  ?  640 

For  wiien  we  swore  to  carry  on 

The  present  reformation. 

According  to  the  purest  mode 

Of  churches,  best  rcform'd  abroad,t 

What  did  we  else  but  make  a  vow  645 

To  do,  we  knew  not  what,  nor  how? 

For  no  three  of  us  will  agree 

Where,  or  what  churches  these  should  be. 

And  is  indeed  the  self-same  case 

With  theirs  that  swore  et  cieteras  ;§  630 


*  This  was  a  cnnimon  phrase  in  those  days,  particnlarly  with 
the  zealous  preachers,  and  is  ia^^erted  in  the  solemn  league  and 
covenml. 

t  'I'hiit  is,  the  Icing's  party;  the  parliament  calling  their  op- 
ponents liy  lliiit  n;inie. 

t  The  I'resbyterians  pretended  tn  desire  suclt  a  reformation  as 
had  talien  place  in  tlie  neighlmring  cliurches;  the  king  offered  to 
invite  any  cliurches  to  a  national  synod,  and  could  not  evea 
obtain  an  answer  to  the  proposal. 

Instead  of  taking  pattern  hy  tlie  l)est  reformed  churches,  they 
would  have  lind  other  reformed  cliurches  lake  pattern  by  them. 
They  sent  letlers,  and  their  covenant,  to  seventeen  foreign 
churches;  but  they  never  produced  the  answer  they  received 
from  any  of  them — a  plain  indication  that  prolestants  abroad  did 
not  approve  their  practices. 

^>  IJy  tlie  convocation,  which  sat  in  the  beginning  of  16-40,  all 
the  clergy  were  required  to  take  an  oalh  in  this  form  :  "  Nor 
"will  I  ever  give  my  consent  to  alter  the  government  of  this 
"  church  by  arcliliishops,  bishops,  deans,  archdeacons,  et  catera." 
See  this  oath  Ht  length  in  Biographia  Brilannica,  and  Biixlei's 
Life,  p.  15.  Dr.  Ileylin,  who  was  a  member  of  the  convocation, 
declared,  that  the  words,  "et  ca-lera,"  were  an  oversiirht,  and  in- 
tended to  have  been  expunged  bellire  it  was  sent  to  the  press:  and 
beside,  that  the  oath  w,is  rendered  so  determinate,  and  the  words 
so  restrained  by  the  other  part,  that  there  could  he  no  danger 
no  mystery  or  iiiitiuity  in  it.  Litis  of  Archbishop  Laud;  but 
such  an  oath  could  not  be  justified,  as  every  oath  ought  to  be 
plain  and  determinate.    See  Cleveland's  Poem,  p.  33. 


Canto  n.]  HUDIBRAS.  109 

Or  the  French  league,  in  which  men  vow'd 

To  fight  to  the  last  drop  of  blood.* 

These  slanders  will  be  thrown  upon 

The  cause  and  work  we  carry  on, 

If  we  permit  men  to  run  headlong  65S 

T'  exorbitances  fit  for  Bedlam, 

Rather  than  gospel-walking  times,t 

When  slightest  sins  are  greatest  crimes. 

But  we  the  matter  so  shall  handle,    . 

As  to  remove  that  odious  scandal.  660 

In  name  of  king  and  parliament, t 

I  charge  ye  all,  no  more  foment 

This  feud',  but  keep  the  peace  between 

Your  brethren  and  your  countrymen  ; 

And  to  those  places  straight  repair  665 

Where  your  respective  dwellings  are  : 

But  to  that  purpose  first  surrender 

The  fiddler,  as  the  prime  ofrender,§ 

Th'  incendiaiy  vile,  that  is  chief 

Author,  and  engineer  of  mischief ;  670 

That  makes  division  between  friends, 

For  prophane  and  malignant  ends. 

Who  swears  et  crtera,  swears  more  oalhs  at  once 

Than  Cerliems,  out  of  his  triple  sconce ; 

Who  views  it  well,  with  the  same  eye  beholds  , 

The  old  false  serpent  in  his  numerous  folds. 

Accurst  et  cietera ; 

Then  finally,  my  babes  of  grace,  forbear, 

Et  ca;tera  will  be  too  far  to  swear; 

Fi>r  'tis,  to  speak  in  a  familiar  stile, 

A  Yorkshire  vvea-bit  longer  than  a  mile. 

Mr.  Buller  here  shows  his  impartiality,  ly  bantering  the  faults 
of  his  own  party. 

*  The  holy  league  in  France,  1576,  was  the  original  of  the 
Scotch  solenm  league  and  covenant:  they  are  often  compared 
together  Ly  Sir  William  Dugdale  and  others.  See  Satire  Me- 
nippt'e,  sometimes  called  the  French  Hudibras. 

t  This  is  one  of  the  cant  phrases  much  used  in  our  author's 
time. 

i  The  Presbyterians  made  a  distinction  between  the  king's 
person  politic,  and  his  person  natural:  when  they  fought  against 
the  latter,  it  was  in  defence  of  the  former,  always  inseparable 
from  the  parliament.  The  commission  granted  to  the  earl  of 
Essex  was  in  the  name  of  the  king  and  parliament.  But  when 
the  Inileperiflents  got  the  upper  hand,  the  name  of  the  king  waa 
omitted,  and  the  coiimiission  of  Sir  Thomas  Fairfax  ran  only  in 
the  name  of  the  parliament. 

§  See  the  fable  of  the  trumpeter,  who  was  put  to  death  for 
setting  people  together  by  the  ears  without  fighting  himself.  It 
burlesques  the  clamors  made  by  the  parliament  against  evil 
counsellors;  to  which  clamors  were  sacrificed  Lord  Strafford 
Archbishop  Laud,  and  others 


» 


110  HUDIBRAS.  [PartL 

He  and  that  engine  of  vile  noise, 
On  which  illegally  he  plays, 

Shall,  dictum  factum,  both  be  brought  67S 

To  condign  pun'shment  as  they  ought. 
This  must  be  done,  and  I  would  fain  see 
Mortal  so  sturdy  as  to  gain-say : 
For  then  I'll  take  another  course. 
And  soon  reduce  you  all  by  force.  680 

This  said,  he  clapt  his  hand  on's  sword, 
To  shew  he  meant  to  keep  his  word. 
But  Talgol,  who  had  long  supprest 
Inflamed  wrath  in  glowing  breast,* 
Which  now  began  to  rage  and  burn  as  685 

Implacably  as  flame  in  furnace, 
Thus  answer'd  him  ;  Thou  vermin  wretched,+ 
As  e'er  in  measled  pork  was  hatched  ;t 
Thou  tail  of  worship,  that  dost  grow 
On  rump  of  justice  as  of  cow  ;  •  090 

How  dar'st  thou  with  that  sullen  luggage 
O'  thyself,  old  ir'n§  and  other  baggage. 
With  which  thy  steed  of  bone  and  leather 
Has  broke  his  wind  in  halting  hither  ; 
How  durst  th',  I  say,  adventure  thus  695 

T'  oppose  thy  lumber  against  us  ? 
Could  thine  impertinence  find  out 
No  work  t'  employ  itself  about. 
Where  thou  secure  from  wooden  blow, 
Thy  busy  vanity  might  show  ?  700 

Was  no  dispute  afoot  between 
The  caterwauling  brethren  ? 
No  subtle  question  rais'd  among 
Those  out-o' -their  wits,  and  those  i'  th'  wrong  ? 

•  jEstuat.  ingens 

Imo  in  corde  pudor,  mixtoque  insania  luctu, 
Et  furiis  agitatus  amor,  et  conscia  virtus. 

^neid.  X.  870. 

Tiie  speech,  though  coarse,  and  becoming  the  mouth  of  a 
butcher,  is  an  excellent  satire  upon  the  justices  of  the  peace  in 
those  days,  who  were  often  shoemakers,  tailors,  or  common  liv- 
ery servants.  Instead  of  making  peace  with  their  neighbors, 
they  hunted  impertinently  for  trifling  offences,  and  severely  pun 
Ished  them. 

t  Hon.'ST's  language  is  almost  as  coarse  in  the  following  line  i 

OhoSapls,  Kvvoi  Sjifiar'  (X'^'^i  Kpailriv  6^i\d(poio. 

II.  1.  225. 
I  Unhealthy  pigs  are  subject  to  an  eruption,  like  the  measles, 
Which  breeds  maggots,  or  vermin. 
(  Meaning  his  sword  and  pistols. 


Canto  u.]  HUDIBRAS.  m 

No  prize  between  those  combatants  705 

O'  th'  times,  the  land  and  water  saints  ;* 

Where  thou  might'st  stickle  without  hazard 

Of  outrage,  to  thy  hide  and  mazzard,t 

And,  not  for  want  of  bus'ness,  come 

To  us  to  be  thus  troublesome,  710 

To  interrupt  our  better  sort 

Of  disputants,  and  spoil  our  sport  ? 

Was  there  no  felony,  no  bawd, 

Cut-purse, t  nor  burglary  abroad  ? 

No  stolen  pig,  nor  plunder'd  goose,  715 

To  tie  thee  up  frem  breaking  loose? 

No  ale  unlicens'd,  broken  hedge, 

For  which  thou  statute  might'st  alledge. 

To  keep  thee  busy  from  foul  evil, 

And  shame  due  to  thee  from  the  devil  ?  720 

Did  no  committee  sit,§  where  he 

Might  cut  out  journey-work  for  thee  ; 

And  set  th'  a  task  with  subornation. 

To  stitch  up  sale  and  sequestration  ; 


*  That  is,  tlie  Presbyterians  and  Anabaptists. 

t  Face,  perliaps  from  the  Latin,  maxilla;  and  the  French, 
machoire.  [More  probably  from  mazer,  a  cup,  from  the  Dutch, 
maeser,  a  knot  of  maple  : 

A  mazer  ywrought  of  the  maple  ware. 

Spenser,  Shep.  Cal.  Aug.  v.  26. 

That  the  name  of  the  cnp  should  be  transferred  to  the  toper, 
seems  not  at  all  inconsistent  with  tlie  etymology  of  burlesque 
words  ;  the  nortliern  custom  of  drinking  out  of  the  skull  of  an 
enemy,  and  the  southern  fashion  of  adorning  ci'ps  with  grotesque 
heads,  lend  a  probability  to  this  derivation,  which  is  somewhat 
helped  by  the  words  of  Minshew,  sub  voce  mazer; — "enim 
"  pocula  plef  inque  sunt  acerna,  facta  ex  tornatis  hnjus  ligni  ra- 
"  dicibus,  qUE  propter  multicvtorcs  venas,  maculasque  variegatas 
"aspectu  jucunda  sunt,  et  mensis  gratissima."  Mazer  is  used 
for  a  head,  seriously,  by  Sylvester ;  and  ludicrously  in  two  old 
plays.    Mazer  became  mazzard,  as  vizor  became  vizard. 

Archdeacon  Nares  very  justly  observes,  that  the  derivation 
from  machoire,  a  jaw,  is  contradicted  by  Shakspeare  ; — 

Nam.Thh  (skull)  might  be  my  lord  such-a-one Why, 

e'en  so :  and  now  my  lady  Worm's ;  chapless,  and  knock'd 
about  the  mazzard  with  a  sexton's  spade.] 

i  Men  formerly  hung  their  purses,  by  a  silken  or  leathern 
strap,  to  their  belts,  on  the  outside  of  their  garments,  as  ladies 
now  wear  watches.  See  the  figures  on  old  monuments.  Hence 
the  miscreant,  whom  we  now  denominate  a  pickpocket,  was 
then  properly  a  cutpurse. 

5  In  many  counties,  certain  persons  appointed  by  the  parlia 
ment  to  promote  their  interest,  had  power  to  raise  money  for 
their  use,  and  to  punish  their  opponents  by  fine  and  imprison- 
ment: these  persons  so  associated  were  called  a  committet 
Walker's  Sufferings  of  the  Episcopal  Clergy,  part  1. 


112  HUDIBRAS.  [Pauti 

To  cheat,  with  .loliness  and  zeal,  724 

All  parties,  and  the  common-weal  ? 

Much  better  had  it  been  for  thee, 

H'  had  kept  thee  where  th'  art  us'd  to  be  ; 

Or  sent  th'  on  business  any  whither,* 

So  he  had  never  brought  thee  hither.  730 

But  if  th'  hast  brain  enough  in  skull 

To  keep  within  his  lodging  whole, 

And  not  provoke  the  rage  of  stones, 

And  cudgels,  to  thy  hide  and  bones ; 

Tremble,  and  vanish  while  thou  may'st,  733 

Which  I'll  not  promise  if  thou  stay'st. 

At  this  the  Knight  grew  high  in  wroth, 
And  lifting  hands  and  eyes  up  both. 
Three  times  he  smote  on  stomach  stout, 
From  whence,  at  length,  these  words  broke  out       40 

Was  I  for  this  entit'led  Sir, 
And  girt  with  trusty  sword  and  spur, 
For  fame  and  honour  to  wage  battle. 
Thus  to  be  brav'd  by  foe  to  cattle? 
Not  all  the  pride  that  makes  thee  swellt  745 

As  big  as  thou  dost  blown-np  veal ; 
Nor  all  thy  tricks  and  slights  to  cheat. 
And  sell  thy  carrion  for  good  meat ; 
Not  all  thy  magic  to  repair 

Decay'd  old  age,  in  tough  lean  ware,  750 

Make  natural  death  appear  thy  work, 
And  stop  the  gangrene  in  stale  pork  ; 
Not  ail  that  force  that  makes  thee  proud, 
Because  by  bullock  ne'er  withstood : 
Tho'  arm'd  with  all  thy  cleavers,  knives,  755 

And  axes  mad*  to  hew  down  lives. 


*  Sir  Samuel  Luke  was  scont-master  in  the  parliament-army 
hence  the  poet  supposes  Hudibras  might  be  sent  on  errands  by 
the  devil. 

t  Oi'«  av  Toi  xpalayir)  Kldapi?,  rd  re  5aip'  'A(jtpo6iT7ii, 
"U  Tt  Kdfttl,  t6,  tc  iiioi,  or   Iv  Kovlriai  ftiydri;. 

Homer.  Iliad,  iii.  54. 

Neqnicquam,  Veneris  prasidio  ferox, 
Pectes  cajsarieni :  grataqiie  feniinis 
Iinlielli  cithara  carrnina  divides  : 

Nequicquaiii  thal.iino  graves 
Hastas,  et  calami  spicula  Cnossii 
Vitabis,  strepiiuiiique,  et  celerem  sequi 
Ajacem.    Tanien,  hen,  serus  adulteros 

Crines  palvere  collines. 

Hor.  Carm  lib.  i.  ISl 


Canto  ii.]  HUDIBRAS.  113 

Shall  save,  or  help  thee  to  evade 

The  hand  of  justice,  or  this  blade. 

Which  I,  her  sword-bearer,  do  carry, 

For  civil  deed  and  military.  760 

Nor  shall  these  words  of  venom  base, 

Which  thou  hast  from  their  native  place, 

Thy  stomach,  pump'd  to  fling  on  me, 

Go  unreveng'd,  though  I  am  free.* 

Thou  down  the  same  throat  shalt  devour  'em         763 

Like  tainted  beef,  and  pay  dear  for  'em. 

Nor  shall  it  e'er  be  said,  that  wight 

With  gantlet  blue,  and  bases  white, t 

And  round  blunt  truncheon  by  his  side,t 

So  great  a  man  at  arms  defy'd,  770 

With  wotds  far  bitterer  than  wormwood, 

That  would  in  Job  or  Grizel  stir  mood.§ 

Dogs  with  their  tongues  their  wounds  do  heal ; 

But  men  with  hands,  as  thou  shalt  feel. 

This  said,  with  hasty  rage  he  snatch'd  775 

His  gun-shot,  that  in  holsters  watch'd  ; 


*  Free,  that  is,  untnuched  by  your  accusations,  as  being  free 
from  wliHt  you  chartre  uie  with. 

t  Meaning  his  blue  cuffs,  and  white  apron.  Gauntlet  waa 
Iron  armor  which  warriors  wore  on  tlieir  hands,  and  lower  part 
of  their  arms.  [Bases,  a  mantle  which  hung  from  the  middle  to 
alKiut  the  knees  or  lower,  worn  by  knights  on  horseback.]  His 
apron  reriched  the  ground,  and  is  therefore  called  bases. 

i  That  is,  the  steel  on  which  a  butcher  whets  his  knife.  la 
some  editions  it  is  iludgeov,  that  is,  a  short  weapon. 

^  The  patience  of  the  former  is  well  known  :  that  of  the  lat- 
ter is  celebrated  in  Chaucer  and  several  old  writers.  Chaucer, 
vol.  ii.,  the  Clerk's  'J'ale,  ed.  Tyrwhitt,  8vo.  The  story  is  taken 
from  Petrarch,  for  Cliaucer  says, 

As  was  Grisilde,  therefore  Petrark  writeth 
This  storie,  which  with  high  stile  lie  enditeth. 

The  tract  is  entitled,  De  obedientia  et  fide  uxoria  mythologia. 
Its  [irincipal  circumstances  are  these: — Walter,  marquis  of  Sa- 
luces,  in  Lower  Lombardy,  had  a  mind  to  make  trial  of  his 
wife's  patience  and  obedience.  He  first  sent  some  ruffians  to 
take  away  her  son  and  daughter,  ajiparently  with  intent  to  niur- 
tier  them  :  then  clothed  her  in  the  mean  apparel  which  she  had 
formerly  worn  ;  lor  she  was  a  person  of  low  birth  ;  sent  her 
home  to  her  father's  cottage  ;  pretended  that  his  subjects  were 
displeased  at  his  uneqiia".  match,  and  that  he  had  obtained  a 
dispensation  from  the  pope  to  marry  another  woman  of  equal 
rank  with  himself.  All  this,  patient  Grizel  bore  with  great  re 
sisnation  and  good  humor;  till  at  last  the  marquis  disi  losed  tha 
artifice,  and  proved  thenceforth  a  kind  and  affectionate  husband 
— Chaucer  again  observes, 

That  wedded  men  ne  connen  no  measure 
When  that  they  find  a  patient  creature. 


114  HUDIBRAS.  [Parti 

And  bending  cock,  he  levell'd  full 

Against  th'  outside  of  Talgol's  skull ; 

Vowing  that  he  should  ne'er  stir  further, 

Nor  henceforth  cow  or  bullock  murther.  789 

But  Pallas  came  in  shape  of  rust,* 

And  'iwixt  the  spring  and  hammer  thrust 

Her  gorgon-shield,  which  made  the  cockt 

Stand  stiiF  as  if  'twere  turn'd  t'  a  stock. 

Mean  while  fierce  Talgol  gath'ring  might,  785 

With  rugged  truncheon  charg'd  the  Knight ; 

And  he  his  rusty  pistol  held. 

To  take  the  blow  on,  like  a  shield  ; 

The  gun  recbil'd,  as  well  it  might, 

Not  us'd  to  such  a  kind  of  fight.  790 

And  shrunk  from  its  great  master's  gripe, 

Kaock'd  down,  and  stunn'd,  with  mortal  stripe  : 

Then  Hudibras,  with  furious  haste. 

Drew  out  liis  sword  ;  yet  not  so  fast. 

But  Talgol  first,  with  hardy  thwack,  793 

Twice  bruis'd  his  head,  and  twice  his  back  ; 

But  when  his  nut-brown  sword  was  out. 

Courageously  ho  laid  about. 

Imprinting  many  a  wound  upon 

His  mortal  foe,  the  truncheon.  600 . 

The  trusty  cudgel  did  oppose 

Itself  against  dead-doing  blows, 

To  guard  its  leader  from  fell  bane, 

And  then  reveng'd  itself  again  : 

And  though  the  sword,  some  understood,  803 

In  force,  had  much  the  odds  of  wood  ; 

'Twas  nothing  so,  both  sides  were  balanc't 

So  equal,  none  knew  which  was  vaUant'st.  . 

For  wood  with  honour  b'ing  engag'd, 

Is  so  implacably  enrag'd,  810 

Though  iron  hew  and  mangle  sore, 

Wood  wounds  and  bruises  honour  more. 


*  A  banter  upon  Homer,  Virgil,  and  other  epic  poets,  who 
have  always  a  deity  at  hand  to  protect  their  heroes. 
+  In  some  editions  the  next  lines  are  printed  thus, 

which  made  the  cock 

Stand  stiff;  as  t'were  transform'd  to  stock 
Meanwhile  fierce  Talgol,  gath'ring  might. 
With  rugged  truncheon  charg'd  the  knight, 
But  he,  with  petronel  upheav'd, 
Instead  of  shield,  the  blow  receiv'd. 
Petronel  is  a  horseman's  gun,  but  here  it  must  signify  a  plsto^ 
U  it  does  not  appear  that  Hudibras  carried  a  carbine 


Canto  n.]  HUDIBRAS.  115 

And  now  both  knights  were  out  of  breath, 

Tir'd  in  the  hot  pursuit  of  death  ; 

Whilst  all  the  rest,  amaz'd  stood  still,  615 

Expecting  which  shoyld  take,*  or  kill. 

This  Hudibras  observ'd,  and  fretting 

Conquest  should  be  so  long  a  getting, 

He  drew  up  all  his  force  into 

One  body,  and  that  into  one  blow.  830 

But  Talgol  wisely  avoided  it 

By  cunnhig  slight ;  for  had  it  hit 

The  upper  part  of  him,  the  blow 

Had  slit,  as  sure  as  that  below. 

Meanwhile  th'  incomparable  Colon,  825 

To  aid  his  friend,  began  to  fall  on  ; 
Him  Ralph  encounter'd,  and  straight  grew, 
A  dismal  combat  'twixt  them  two  :t 
Th'  one  arm'd  with  metal,  th'  other  with  wood  ;t 
This  fit  for  bruise,'  and  that  for  blood.  830 

With  many  a  stiff  thwack,  many  a  bang, 
Hard  crab-tree,  and  old  iron  rang  ;§ 
While  none  that  saw  them  could  divine 
To  which  side  conquest  would  incline, 
Until  Magnano,  who  did  envy  835 

That  two  should  with  so  many  men  vie, 
By  subtle  stratagem  of  brain 
Perforni'd  what  force  could  ne'er  attain. 
For  he,  by  foul  hap,  having  found 
Where  thistles  grew  on  barren  ground,  840 

In  haste  he  drew  his  weapon  out, 
And  having  cropp'd  them  from  the  root, 
He  clapp'd  them  under  th'  horse's  tail,|| 
With  prickles  sharper  than  a  nail. 
The  angry  beast  did  straight  resent  845 

The  wrong  done  to  his  fundament, 
Began  to  kick,  and  fling,  and  wince, 
As  if  h'  had  been  beside  his  sense, 
Striving  to  disengage  from  smart 
And  raging  pain,  th'  afflicted  part ;  850 

Instead  of  which  he  threw  the  pack 
Of  Squire  and  baggage  from  his  back  ; 

*  Take,  that  is,  take  prisoner,  as  in  verso  905,  But  took  none. 
f  In  some  editions, 

A  fierce  dispute  between  them  two. 
t  In  some  editions  we  read, — th'  other  wood. 
<^  Here  the  sound  is  an  echo  to  the  sense. 
II  The  same  tricl<  was  played  upon  Don  Quixote's  Rosinante 
»nd  Sancho's  dapple.    P.  ii.  lib.  viii.  c.  61,  ed.  Granville. 


116  HUDIBRAS.  [Parti. 

And  blund'ring  still  with  smarting  rump, 

He  gave  the  champion's  steed  a  thump 

That  stagger'd  him.     The  Knight  did  stoop,  851 

And  sat  on  further  side  aslope. 

This  Talgol  viewing,  who  iiad  now, 

By  flight,  escap'd  the  fatal  blow. 

He  rally'd,  and  again  fell  to't ; 

For  catching  foe  by  nearer  foot,  860 

He  lifted  witli  such  might  and  strength. 

As  would  have  hnrl'd  him  thrice  his  length, 

And  dash'd  his  brains,  if  any,  out : 

But  Mars,  who  still  protects  the  stout, 

In  pudding-time  came  to  his  aid,  865 

And  under  him  the  bear  convey'd  ; 

The  bear,  upon  whose  soft  fur-gown 

The  Knight,  with  ail  his  weight,  fell  down. 

The  friendly  rug  preserv'd  the  ground. 

And  headlong  Knight,  from  bruise  or  wound:  870 

Like  feather-bed  betwixt  a  wall. 

And  heavy  brunt  of  cannon-ball. 

As  Sancho  on  a  blanket  fell,* 

And  had  no  hurt ;  ours  far'd  as  well 

In  body,  though  his  mighty  spirit,  875 

B'ing  heavy,  did  not  so  well  bear  it. 

The  bear  was  in  a  greater  fright. 

Beat  down,  and  worsted  by  the  Knight; 

He  roar'd,  and  rag'd,  and  flung  about, 

To  shake  off  bondage  from  his  snout.  880 

His  wrath  inflam'd  boil'd  o'er,  and  from 

His  jaws  of  death,  he  threw  the  foam  ; 

Fury  in  stranger  postures  threw  him. 

And  more  than  ever  herald  drew  him. 

He  tore  the  earth,  which  he  had  sav'd  885 

From  squelch  of  Knight,  and  storm'd,  and  rav'd ; 

And  vex'd  the  more,  because  the  harms 

He  felt  were  'gainst  the  law  of  arms; 

For  men  he  always  took  to  be 

His  friends,  and  dogs  the  enemy,  890 

Who  never  so  much  hurt  had  done  him. 

As  his  own  side  did  falling  on  him. 

It  griev'd  him  to  tiie  guts,  that  they, 

For  whom  h'  had  fought  so  many  a  fray. 

And  sei-v'd  with  loss  of  blood  so  long,  895 

Should  offer  such  inhuman  wrong; 

Wrong  of  unsoldier-like  condition  ; 

*  Sancho's  adventure  at  the  inn,  being  tossed  in  a  blanket. 


Canto  u.]  HUDIBRAS.  117 

For  whicli  he  flung  down  his  commission,* 

And  laid  about  him,  til!  his  nose 

From  thrall  of  ring  and  cord  broke  loose.  000 

Soon  as  he  felt  himself  enlarg'd, 

Through  thickest  of  his  foes  he  eharg'd, 

And  made  way  through  th'  amazed  crew, 

Some  he  o'er-ran,  and  some  o'erthrew, 

But  took  none  ;  for,  by  hasty  flight,  005 

He  strove  t'avoid  the  conquering  Knight, 

From  whom  he  fled  with  as  much  haste 

And  dread,  as  he  the  rabble  chac'd. 

In  haste  he  fled,  and  so  did  they. 

Each  and  his  fear  a  several  way.t  910 

Crowdero  only  kept  the  field, 
Not  stirring  from  the  place  he  held, 
Though  beaten  down,  and  wounded  sore, 
I'  th'  fiddle,  and  a  leg  that  bore 

One  side  of  him,  not  that  of  bone,  015 

But  much  its  better,  th'  wooden  one. 
He  spying  Hudibras  lie  strow'd 
Upon  the  ground,  like  log  of  vi'ood. 
With  fright  of  fall,  supposed  wound. 
And  loss  of  urine,  in  a  swound ;  920 

In  haste  he  snatch'd  the  wooden  limb, 
That  hurt  in  th'  ankle  lay  by  him, 
And  fitting  it  for  sudden  fight. 
Straight  djrew  it  up,  t'attack  the  Knight, 
For  getting  up  on  stump  and  buckle,  025 

He  with  the  foe  began  to  buckle, 
Vowing  to  be  reveug'd  for  breach 
Of  crowd  and  shin  upon  the  wretch, 
Sole  author  of  all  detriment 
He  and  his  fiddle  underwent.  930 

But  Ralpho,  who  had  now  begun 
T'  adventure  resurrectiont 
From  heavy  squelch,  and  had  got  up 


*  Blsliop  Warburton  remarks  on  this  line,  that,  during  the 
tivil  wars,  it  was  the  usual  way  for  those  of  either  party,  at  a 
distressful  juncture,  to  come  to  the  king  or  parliament  with  some 
unreasonable  demands,  and  if  they  were  not  complied  with,  to 
throw  up  their  commissions,  and  go  over  to  the  opposite  side: 
pretending  that  they  could  not  in  honor  serve  any  longer  un- 
der such  unsoldier-like  indignities.  Those  unhappy  times  af- 
forded many  instances  of  the  kind,  in  Huny,  Middielon,  Cooper, 
&c.,  &c. 

t  His  fear,  that  is,  that  ^^■hich  he  feared. 

i  A  ridicule  on  tiie  sectaries,  who  were  fond  of  using  Scrip 
ture  piurases. 


lia  HUDIBRAS.  Part 

Upon  his  legs  with  sprained  crup, 

Looking  about  beheld  the  bard  935 

To  charge  the  Knight  entranc'd  prepar'd, 

He  snatch'd  his  wliiniard  up,  that  fled 

When  he  was  falling  off  his  steed, 

As  rats  do  from  a  falling  house. 

To  hide  itself  from  rage  of  blows ;  940 

And  wing'd  with  speed  and  fury  flew 

To  rescue  Knight  from  black  and  blue. 

Which  ere  he  could  atchieve,  his  sconce 

The  'eg  encounter'd  twice  and  once  ;* 

And  now  'twas  raised,  to  smite  agen,  945 

When  Ralpho  thrust  himself  between 

He  took  the  blow  upon  his  arm, 

To  shield  the  Knight  from  further  harm ; 

And  joining  wrath  with  force,  bestow'd 

O'  th'  wooden  member  such  a  load,  950 

That  down  it  fell,  and  with  it  bore 

Crowdero,  whom  it  propp'd  before. 

To  him  the  Squire  right  nimbly  run. 

And  setting  his  bold  foot  upon 

His  trunk,  thus  spnke:  What  desp'rate  frenzy       955 

Made  thee,  thou  whelp  of  sin,  to  fancy 

Thyself,  and  all  that  coward  rabble, 

T'  encounter  us  in  battle  able? 

How  durst  th',  I  say,  oppose  thy  curship 

'Gainst  arms,  authority,  and  worship,  96b 

And  Hudibras,  or  mo  provoke, 

Though  all  thy  limbs  were  heart  of  oak,t 

And  th'  other  half  of  thee  as  good 

To  bear  out  blows  as  that  of  wood  ? 

Could  not  the  whipping-post  prevail  965 

With  all  its  rhet'ric,  nor  the  jail, 

To  keep  from  flaying  scourge  thy  skin, 

And  ankle  free  from  iron  gin? 

Which  now  thou  shalt — but  first  our  care 

Must  see  how  Hudibras  doth  fare.t  970 

This  said,  he  gently  rais'd  the  Knight, 


*  Thus  Justice  Silence,  in  Henry  IV.  Act  V.  "Who  11  I  have 
'■  been  merry  twice  and  once  ere  now."  And  the  witch  in  Mac 
lieth.  Act  V.  "Twice  and  once  the  hedge  pig  whin'd." 

t  Thus  Hector  braves  Achilles. 

ToC  J'  iyi>  avrioj  tTfit,  Ka\  el  irvpl  x^'Pt^f  fo(Kty, 
Ei  ]r»pi  x^'/""?  tJiKS,  liifos  5'  atOiiivi  aiii^ptf, 

Uoni.  Iliad,  lib.  xx. Gi/l. 

I  Imitating  Virgil's  Quos  ego — scd  motos,  &r. 


Canto  u.]  HUDIBRAS.  1 19 

And  set  him  on  his  bum  upright : 

To  jouze  him  from  lethargic  dump,* 

He  tweak'd  his  nose,  with  gentle  thump 

Knock'd  on  his  breast,  as  ii't  had  been  &75 

To  raise  the  spirits  lodg'd  witliin. 

They  waken'd  with  the  noise,  did  fly 

From  inward  room,  to  window  eye, 

And  gently  op'uing  lid,  the  casement, 

Look'd  out,  but  yet  with  some  amazement.  980 

This  gladded  Ralpho  much  to  see, 

Who  thus  bespoke  the  Knight:  quoth  he, 

Tweaking  his  nose,  you  are,  great  Sir, 

A  self-denying  conqueror  ;t 

As  high,  victorious,  and  great,  085 

As  e'er  fought  for  the  Churches  yet, 

If  you  will  give  yom'self  but  leave 

To  make  out  what  y'  already  have ; 

That's  victory.     The  foe,  for  dread 

Of  your  nine-worthiness,t  is  fled,  090 

All,  save  Crowdero,  for  whose  sake 

You  did  th'  espous'd  cause  undertake  ; 

And  he  lies  pris'ner  at  your  feet, 

To  be  dispos'd  as  you  think  meet, 

Either  for  life,  or  death,  or  sale,  995 

The  gallows,  or  perpetual  jail ; 

For  one  wink  of  your  pow'rful  eye 

Must  sentence  him  to  live  or  die. 

His  fiddle  is  your  proper  purchase. 

Won  in  the  service  of  the  Churches  ,  lOOO 

And  by  your  doom  must  be  allow'd 

To  be,  or  be  no  more,  a  Crowd : 

For  tho'  success  did  not  confer 

Just  title  on  the  conqueror  ;§ 

Tho'  dispensations  were  not  strong  1005 

Conclusions,  whether  right  or  wrong ; 


*  Compare  this  with  the  situation  of  Hector,  who  was  stunned 
by  a  severe  blow  received  from  Ajax,  and  comforted  by  Apollo 
—Iliad.  XV.  V.  240. 

t  Ridiculing  the  self-denying  ordinance,  by  which  the  mem 
bars  of  both  houses  were  obliged  to  quit  theiremploynients,  both 
civil  and  military;  notwithstanding  which  Sir  Samuel  Luke  was 
continued  governor  of  Newport  Pagnel  for  some  time. 

t  Thrice  worthy  is  a  common  appellation  in  romances;  but, 
in  the  opinion  of  the  squire,  would  iiave  been  a  title  not  equiva- 
lent to  the  knight's  desert.  See  the  History  of  the  Nine  Worthies 
of  the  World ;  and  Fresnoy  on  Romances. 

$  Success  was  pleaded  by  the  Presbyterians  as  an  evident 
OToof  of  the  justice  of  their  cause. 


120  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  i 

Altho'  out-goings  did  confirm  * 

Aud  owning  were  but  a  mere  term ; 

Yet  as  llie  wicked  have  no  right 

To  th'  creature, t  tho'  usurp'd  by  might,  loio 

The  property  is  in  the  saint. 

From  whom  th'  injuriously  detain't ; 

Of  him  they  hold  their  luxuries, 

Their  dogs,  their  horses,  whores,  and  dice, 

Their  riots,  revels,  masks,  delights,  ioi5 

Pimps,  buffoons,  fiddlers,  parasites  ; 

All  which  the  saints  have  title  to, 

Aud  ought  t'  enjoy,  if  th'  had  their  due. 

What  we  take  from  them  is  no  more 

Than  what  was  ours  by  right  before  ;  loao 

For  we  are  their  true  landlords  still. 

And  they  our  tenants  but  at  will. 

At  this  the  Knight  bega.n  to  rouse, 
And  by  degrees  grow  valorous : 

He  star'd  about,  and  seeing  none  i025 

Of  all  his  foes  remain  but  one, 
He  suatch'd  his  weapon  that  lay  near  him, 
And  from  the  ground  began  to  rear  him, 
Vowing  to  make  Crowdero  pay 

For  all  the  rest  that  ran  away.  i030 

But  Ralpho  now  in  colder  blood, 
His  fury  mildly  thus  withstood : 
Great  Sir,  quoth  he,  your  mighty  spirit 
Is  rais'd  too  high  ;  this  slave  does  merit 
To  be  the  hangman's  bus'ness,  sooner  1035 

Than  from  your  hand  to  have  the  honour 
Of  his  destruction  ;  I  that  am 
So  much  below  in  deed  and  name. 
Did  scorn  to  hurt  his  forfeit  carcase, 
Or  ill  entreat  his  fiddle  or  case :  1040 

Will  you,  great  Sir,  that  glory  blot 
In  cold  blood,  which  you  gain'd  in  hot? 
Will  you  employ  your  conquering  sword 
To  break  a  fiddle,  and  your  v.'ord? 
_For  tho'  I  fought  and  overcame,  1045 

And  quarter  gave,  'twas  in  your  name : 
For  great  commanders  always  own 
What's  prosp'rous  by  the  soldier  done. 

*  In  some  edition's  we  remi, — did  not  confirm. 

t  It  was  a  principle  maintained  by  the  Independents  of  those 
days,  that  dominion  was  founded  in  grace ;  and,  therefore,  if  a 
man  were  not  a  saint,  or  a  godly  man,  he  cculd  have  no  light  to 
nny  lands  or  chattels. 


Canto  ii.]  HUDIBRAS.  121 

To  save,  where  you  have  pow'r  to  kill, 

Argues  your  pow'r  above  your  will ;  io50 

And  that  your  will  and  pow'r  have  less 

Than  both  might  have  of  selfishness. 

This  pow'r  which  now  alive,  with  dread 

He  trembles  at,  if  he  were  dead, 

Would  no  more  keep  the  slave  in  awe,  1055 

rh£ui  if  you  were  a  knight  of  straw  ; 

For  death  would  then  be  his  conqueror, 

Not  you,  and  free  him  from  that  terror. 

If  danger  from  his  life  accrue, 

Or  honour  from  his  death  to  you,  1060 

'Twere  policy,  and  honour  too. 

To  do  as  you  resolv'd  to  do: 

But,  Sir,  'tvvou'd  wrong  your  valour  much, 

To  say  it  needs,  or  fears  a  crutch. 

Great  conqu'rors  greater  glory  gain  1065 

By  foes  in  triumph  led,  than  slain  : 

The  laurels  that  adorn  their  brows 

Are  puU'd  from  living,  not  dead  boughs, 

And  living  foes  ;  the  greatest  fame 

Of  cripple  slain  can  be  but  lame :  IO70 

One  half  of  him's  already  slain,* 

The  other  is  not  worth  your  pain  ; 

Th'  honour  can  but  on  one  side  light, 

As  worship  did,  when  y'were  dubb'd  Knight.t 

Wnerefore  I  think  it  better  far  IO75 

To  keep  him  prisoner  of  war  ; 

And  let  him  fast  in  bonds  abide. 

At  court  of  justice  to  be  try'd  : 

Where,  if  h'  appear  so  bold  or  crafty. 

There  may  be  danger  in  his  safety  ;t  joso 


*  This  reminds  me  of  the  supplication  of  a  lame  musician  in 
the  Anthology,  p.  5,  ed.  H.  Steph. 

HtlKTV  yiH  TidvrjKC,  TO  5')5^io-u  \tfib;  IXiyxiL, 
Xdadii  ft«  (iaatXzv,  jxudiKdv  fi^irovov. 

t  The  honor  of  knighthood  is  conferred  by  the  king's  laying 
his  sword  upon  the  person's  shoulder,  and  saying,  "  Arise, 
Sir ." 

t  Cromwell's  speech  in  the  case  of  Lord  Capel  may  serve  to 
explain  this  line  :  he  began  with  high  encomiums  of  his  merit, 
capacity,  and  honor ;  but  when  every  one  expected  that  he 
would  have  voted  to  save  his  life,  he  told  them  that  the  question 
before  them  was,  whether  they  would  preserve  the  greatest  and 
most  dangerous  enemy  that  the  cause  had  7  that  he  knew  my 
Lo»d  Capel  well,  and  knew  him  so  firmly  attached  to  the  royal 
interest,  that  he  would  never  desert  it,  or  acquiesce  under  any 
establishment  contrary  to  it. — Clarendon. 
6 


122  HUDIBRAS.  TPart  j 

If  any  member  there  dislike 

His  face,  or  to  his  beard  have  pike  ;* 

Or  if  his  death  will  save,  or  yield 

Revenge  or  fright,  it  is  reveal'd : 

Tho'  he  has  quarter,  ne'ertheless  joss 

Y'  have  pow'r  to  hang  him  when  you  please  ; 

This  has  been  often  done  by  some 

Of  our  great  conqu'rors,  you  know  whom  ; 

And  has  by  most  of  us  been  held 

Wise  justice,  and  to  some  reveal'd  :  i090 

For  words  and  promises,  that  yoke 

The  conqueror,  are  quickly  broke  ; 

Like  Sampson's  cuffs,  tho'  by  his  own 

Direction  and  advice  put  on. 

For  if  we  should  fight  for  the  cause  i095 

By  rules  of  military  laws, 

And  only  do  what  they  call  just, 

The  cause  would  quickly  fall  to  dust. 

This  we  among  ourselves  may  speak  ; 

But  to  the  wicked  or  the  weak  noo 

We  must  be  cautious  to  declare 

Perfection-truths,  such  as  these  are.t 


*  Doubtless,  particular  instances  are  here  alluded  to.  It  is 
notorious  tliat  tlie  lords  and  others  were  condemned  or  pardoned, 
as  their  personal  interests  prevailed  more  or  less  in  the  house. 
A  whimsical  instance  of  mercy  was  the  pardon  indulged  to  Sir 
John  Owen,  a  Welsh  gentleman,  who  being  tried,  together  with 
the  lords  Capel,  Holland,  Loughborough,  and  others  ;  Ireton, 
rather  to  insult  the  nobility  than  from  any  principle  of  compas- 
sion, observed  that  much  endeavor  had  been  used  to  preserve 
each  of  the  lords,  but  here  was  a  poor  commoner,  whom  no  one 
had  spoke  for ;  he  therefore  moved  that  he  might  be  pardoned 
by  the  mere  grace  of  the  house.  Sir  John  was  a  man  of  humor- 
ous intrepidity  ;  when  he,  with  the  lords,  was  condemned  to  bo 
beheaded,  he  made  his  judges  a  low  bow,  and  gave  his  humble 
thanks  ;  at  which  a  by-stander,  surprised,  asked  him  what  he 
meant  1  To  which  the  knight,  with  a  broad  oath,  replied,  that, 
"  It  was  a  great  honor  to  a  poor  gentleman  of  Wales  to  lose 
"  his  head  with  such  noble  lords,  for,  in  truth,  he  was  afraid  they 
"  would  have  hanged  him."  See  Clarendon,  Rushworth,  White- 
locke,  and  Pennant's  Tour  to  Wales,  in  1773,  page  2t>4.  The 
parliament  was  charged  with  setting  aside  the  articles  of  capitu- 
lation agreed  to  by  its  generals,  and  killing  prisoners  after  quarter 
had  been  granted  them,  on  pretence  of  a  revelation  that  such  a 
one  ought  to  die.  See  also  the  case  of  the  surrender  of  Pen- 
dennis  castle. 

t  Truths  revealed  only  to  the  perfect,  or  the  initiated  into  the 
higher  mysteries. 

idiylofiai,  ot;  ^ijiii  iariv,  Ixas,  tKas  lerre  6i6ri\oi. 

[A  line  made  up  from  the  Fragments  of  Orpheus  and  the  Hynin 
to  Apollo  of  Callimachus.j 


Canto  u.]  IIUDIBRAS.  123 

This  said,  the  high  outrageous  mettle 
Of  Knight  began  to  cool  and  settle. 
He  lik'd  the  Squire's  advice  and  soon  il05 

Resolv'd  to  see  the  bus'ness  done  ; 
And  therefore  charg'd  him  first  to  bind 
Crowdero's  hands  on  rump  beliind, 
And  to  its  former  place,  and  use, 
The  wooden  member  to  reduce  ;  IJIO 

But  force  it  take  an  oath  before, 
Ne'er  to  bear  arms  against  him  more.* 

Ralpho  dispatch'd  with  speedy  hasto, 
And  having  ty'd  Crowdero  fast. 
He  gave  Sir  Knight  the  end  of  cord,  liis 

To  lead  the  captive  of  his  sword 
In  triumph,  while  the  steeds  he  caught. 
And  them  to  further  service  brought. 
The  Squire,  hi  state,  rode  on  before. 
And  on  his  nut-brown  whiniard  bore  1120 

The  trophy-fiddle  and  the  case, 
Plac'd  on  his  shoulder  like  a  mace. 
The  Knight  himself  did  after  ride. 
Leading  Crowdero  by  his  side  ; 

And  tow'd  him,  if  he  lagg'd  behind,  1125 

Like  boat  against  the  tide  and  wind. 
Thus  grave  and  solemn  they  march  on. 
Until  quite  thro'  the  town  they'd  gone ; 
At  further  end  of  which  there  stands 
An  ancient  castle,  that  commandst  1130 

Th'  adjacent  parts :  in  all  the  fabrick 
You  shall  not  see  one  stone  nor  a  brick, 
But  all  of  wood,  by  pow'rful  spell 
Of  magic  made  impregnable : 

There's  neither  iron  bar  nor  gate,  1135 

Portcullis,  chain,  nor  bolt,  nor  grate  , 
And  yet  men  durance  there  abide. 
In  dungeon  scarce  three  inches  wide  ; 


Cromwell  held,  that  the  rules  of  justice  were  binding  in  or- 
dinary cases,  but  in  extraordinary  ones  might  be  dispensed  with. 
See  Burnet.  Clarendon  hath  a  similar  observation ;  or  Sir  H. 
Vane — that  he  was  above  ordinances. 

*  The  poet  making  the  wooden  leg  take  an  oath  not  to  serve 
again  against  his  captor,  is  a  ridicule  on  those  who  obliged  their 
prisoners  to  take  an  oath  to  that  purpose.  The  prisoners  taken 
at  Brentford  were  thus  sworn,  but  Dr.  Downing  and  Mr.  Mar- 
shall absolved  them  from  this  oath,  and  they  immediately  served 
again  in  the  parliament  army. 

t  The  stocks  are  here  pictured  as  an  enchanted  castle,  with 
infinite  wit  and  humor,  and  in  the  true  spirit  of  burlesque  poetry 


124  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  i 

With  roof  so  low,  that  under  it 

They  never  stand,  but  lie  or  sit;  1140 

And  yet  so  foul,  that  whoso  is  in, 

Is  to  the  middle-leg  in  prison  ; 

In  circle  magical  confin'd. 

With  walls  of  subtle  air  and  wind, 

Which  none  are  able  to  break  thorough,  1145 

Until  they're  freed  by  head  of  borough. 

Thither  arriv'd,  the  advent'rous  Knight 

And  bold  Squire  from  their  steeds  ahght 

At  th'  outward  wall,  near  which  there  stands 

A  Bastile,  built  t'imprison  hands;*  ]150 

By  strange  enchantment  made  to  fetter 

The  lesser  parts,  and  free  the  greater  : 

For  tho'  the  body  may  creep  through. 

The  hands  in  great  are  fast  enow : 

And  when  a  circle  'bout  the  wrist  1155 

Is  made  by  beadle  exorcist. 

The  body  feels  the  spur  and  switch, 

As  if 't  were  ridden  post  by  witch, 

At  twenty  miles  an  hour  pace. 

And  yet  ne'er  stirs  out  of  the  place.  iieo 

On  top  of  this  there  is  a  spire. 

On  which  Sir  Knight  first  bids  the  Squire 

The  fiddle,  and  its  spoils,  the  case,t 

In  manner  of  a  trophy,  place. 

That  done  they  ope  the  trap-door  gate,  ii65 

And  let  Crowdero  down  thereat. 

Crowdero  making  doleful  face, 

Like  hermit  poor  in  pensive  place,t 

To  dungeon  they  the  wretch  commit. 

And  the  survivor  of  his  feet ;  1170 

But  th'  other,  that  had  broke  the  peace, 

And  head  of  knighthood,  they  release, 

Tho'  a  delinquent  false  and  forged. 

Yet  b'ing  a  stranger  he's  enlarged  ;§ 


*  A  description  of  the  whippingpost, 
t  Suppose  we  read, 

His  spoils,  the  fiddle  and  the  case. 

X  This  was  the  beginning  of  a  love-song,  in  great  vogue  about 
the  year  1650. 

^  Dr.  Grey  supposes,  very  justly,  that  this  may  allude  to  the 
CJse  of  Sir  Bernard  Gascoign,  who  was  condemned  at  Colchester 
with  Sir  Charles  Lucas  and  Sir  George  Lisle,  but  respited  from 
execution  on  account  of  his  being  an  Italian,  and  a  person  of 
some  interest  in  his  own  country.  See  Lord  Clarendon's  His- 
tory, vol.  iii.,  p.  137. 


Canto  u.]  HUDIBRAS.  125 

While  his  comrade,  that  did  no  hurt,  1175 

Is  clapp'd  up  fast  in  prison  for't : 

So  justice,  wliile  she  winks  at  crimes. 

Stumbles  on  innocence  sometimes.* 


*  Dat  veniam  corvis,  vexat  censura  columbas. 

Juv.  ii.,  1.  63 

The  plays  and  poems  of  this  date  commonly  ended  with  a 
moral  rdflectioa 


PART  I.    CANTO  III. 

THE   ARGUMENT.* 

The  scatter'd  rout  return  and  rally, 
Surround  the  place  ;  the  Knight  does  sally, 
And  is  made  pris'ner :  then  they  seize 
Th'  enchanted  fort  by  storm,  release 
Crowdero,  and  put  the  Squire  in's  place ; 
I  should  have  first  said  Hudibras. 


*  The  Author  follows  the  example  of  Spenser,  and  the  Italian 
poets,  in  the  division  of  his  work  into  parts  and  cantos.  Spenser 
contents  himself  with  a  short  title  to  each  division,  as  "The 
Legend  of  Temperance,"  and  the  like.  Butler  more  fully  ac- 
quaints his  readers  what  they  are  to  expect,  by  an  argument  in 
the  same  style  with  the  poem  ;  and  frequently  convinces  them, 
that  he  knew  how  to  enliven  so  dry  a  thing  as  a  summary. 
Neither  Virgil,  Ovid,  nor  Statius  wrote  arguments  in  verse  to 
their  respective  poems;  but  critics  and  grammarians  have  taken 
the  pains  to  do  it  for  thetiv 


HUDIBEAS. 


CANTO  III. 

Ay  me  !  what  perils  do  environ 

The  man  that  meddles  with  cold  iron  !* 

What  plaguy  mischiefs  and  mishaps 

Do  dog  him  still  with  after  claps  ! 

For  tho'  dame  Fortune  seem  to  smile,t  S 

And  leer  upon  him  for  a  while, 

She'll  after  shew  him,  in  the  nick 

Of  all  his  glories,  a  dog-trick. 

This  any  man  may  sing  or  say 

I'  th'  ditty  call'd,  What  if  a  day  ?t  10 

For  Hudibras,  who  thought  he  'ad  won 

The  field  as  certain  as  a  gun, 

*  A  parody  on  the  verses  in  Sjjenser's  Fairy  Queen  : 
Ay  me,  how  many  perils  do  enfold 
The  virtuous  man  to  make  him  daily  fall. 
These  two  lines  are  become  a  kind  of  proverbial  expression, 
partly  owing  to  the  moral  reflection,  and  partly  to  the  jingle  of 
the  double  rhyme  :  they  are  applied  sometimes  to  a  man  mor- 
tally wounded  with  a,  sword,  and  sometimes  to  a  lady  who  pricks 
her  finger  with  a  needle.    Butler,  in   his  MS.  Common-place 
Book,  on  this  passage,  observes :  "  Cold  iron  in  Greenland  burns 
as  grievously  as  hot."    Some  editions  read,  "  Ah  me,"  from  the 
Belgic  or  Teutonic. 

t       Oij  [lev  6lS(j)aiv,  oi;  5'  a<patpctTai  tvxi- 
To  Trjs  TVxVi  '■01  fJtCraQoXd;  TToXXa;  exit 
Hi  notKiXov  irpSyix^  is'l  Kat  nXdvov  rixi- 

Brunck.  Gnom.  Poet.  p.  242. 
Fortuna  saevo  la^ta  negotio,  et 
Ludum  insolentem  ludere  pertinax, 
Transmutat  incertos  honores, 

Nunc  mihi,  nunc  alii  benigna. 

Hor.  Carm.  lib.  iii.  29, 1.  49 
%  An  old  ballad,  which  begins  : 

What  if  a  day,  or  a  month,  or  a  year 

Crown  thy  delights. 
With  a  thousand  wish't  contentings  ! 
Cannot  the  chance  of  a  night  or  an  hour, 
Cross  thy  delights, 
With  as  manv  sad  tormentincs  7 


128  HUDIBRAS,  [Part  i. 

And  having  routed  the  whole  troop, 

'\^Jith  victory  was  cock-a-hoop  ;* 

Thinking  he  'ad  done  enough  to  purchase  15 

Thanksgiving-day  among  the  churches, 

Wherein  his  mettle  and  hrave  worth 

Might  be  explain'd  by  holder-forth. 

And  register'd  by  fame  eternal, 

In  deathless  pages  of  diurnal  ;t  20 

Found  in  few  minutes,  to  his  cost, 

He  did  but  count  without  his  host ; 

And  tiiat  a  turn-stile  is  more  certain 

Than,  in  events  of  war.  Dame  Fortune. 

For  now  the  late  faint-hearted  rout,  33 

O'erthrown  and  scatter'd  round  about, 
Chas'd  by  the  horror  of  their  fear, 
From  bloody  fray  of  Knight  and  Bear, 
All  but  the  dogs,  who,  in  pursuit 
Of  the  Knight's  victory,  stood  to't,  M 

And  most  ignobly  sought  to  get 
The  honour  of  his  blood  and  sweat,t 
Seeing  the  coast  was  free  and  clear 
O'  the  conquer'd  and  the  conqueror, 
Took  heart  again,  and  fac'd  about,  35 

As  if  they  meant  to  stand  it  out : 
For  now  the  half  defeated  bear, 
Attack'd  by  th'  enemy  i'  th'  rear. 
Finding  their  number  grew  too  great 
For  him  to  make  a  safe  retreat,  40 

Like  a  bold  chieftain  fac'd  about ; 
But  wisely  doubting  to  hold  out, 
Gave  way  to  fortune  and  with  haste 
Fac'd  the  proud  foe,  and  fled,  and  fac'd. 
Retiring  still,  until  he  found  4i 

H'  ad  got  the  advantage  of  the  ground  ; 
And  then  as  valiantly  made  head 
To  check  the  foe,  and  forthwith  fled. 


*  This  crowing  or  rejoicing.  Cock-on-hoop  signifies  extrava 
gance:  the  cock  drawn  out  of  a  barrel,  and  laid  upon  the  hoop, 
while  the  liquor  runs  to  waste,  is  a  proper  emblem  of  inconsid 
erate  conduct. 

t  The  gazettes  or  newspapers,  on  the  side  of  the  parliament, 
were  published  daily,  and  called  Diurnals.  See  Cleveland's 
character  of  a  diurnal-maker. 

i  An  allusion  to  the  complaint  of  the  Presbyterian  comman- 
ders against  the  Independents,  when  the  self-denying  ordinance 
had  brought  in  these  and  excluded  the  others.  Both  Butler  and 
Milton  complain  of  not  receiving  satisfaction  and  reward  fof 
their  labor  and  expenses.  This  looks  as  if  our  poet  had  an  alter 
gorical  view  in  some  of  his  characters  and  passages. 


Canto  in.]  HUDIBRAS.  129 

Leaving  no  art  untry'd,  nor  trick 
Of  warrior  stout  and  politic,  50 

Until,  in  spite  of  hot  pursuit. 
He  gain'd  a  pass,  to  iiold  dispite 
On  better  terms,  and  stop  the  course 
Of  the  proud  foe.     With  all  his  force 
He  bravely  charg'd,  and  for  a  while  55 

Forc'd  their  whole  body  to  recoil ; 
But  still  their  numbers  so  increas'd, 
He  found  himself  at  length  oppress'd, 
And  all  evasions  so  uncertain 

To  save  himself  for  better  fortune,  60 

That  he  resolv'd,  rather  than  yield, 
To  die  with  honour  in  the  field. 
And  sell  his  hide  and  carcase  at 
A  price  as  high  and  desperate 

As  e'er  he  could.     This  resolution  65 

He  forthwith  put  iu  execution, 
And  bravely  threw  himself  among 
Th'  enemy  i'  th'  greatest  throng  ; 
But  what  could  single  valour  do 
Against  so  numerous  a  foe  ?  70 

Yet  much  he  did,  indeed  too  much 
To  be  believ'd,  where  th'  odds  were  such  ; 
But  one  against  a  multitude, 
^    Is  more  than  mortal  can  make  good : 

For  while  one  party  he  oppos'd  75 

His  rear  was  suddenly  enclos'd. 

And  no  room  left  him  for  retreat. 

Or  fight  against  a  foe  so  great. 

For  now  the  mastives,  charging  home, 

To  blows  and  handy-gripes  were  come  ;  80 

While  manfully  himself  he  bore. 

And,  setting  his  right  foot  before, 

He  rais'd  himself  to  show  how  tall 

His  person  was  above  them  all. 

This  equal  shame  and  envy  stirr'd  85 

In  th'  enemy,  that  one  should  beard 

So  many  warriors,  and  so  stout,  • 

As  he  had  done,  and  stav'd  it  out, 

Disdaining  to  lay  down  his  arms. 

And  yield  on  honourable  terms.  90 

Enraged  thus  some  in  the  rear 

Attack'd  him,  and  some  every  where,* 

•  Thus  Spenser  in  his  Fairy  Queen : 

Like  dastard  curs,  that  having  at  a  bay 
The  savage  beask  einboss'd  in  weary  chase 
*6* 


130  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  i 

Till  down  he  fell ;  yet  falling  fought, 

And,  being  down  still  laid  about ; 

As  Widdrington,  in  doleful  dumps,  95 

Is  said  to  fight  upon  his  stumps.* 

But  all,  alas  !  had  been  in  vain, 
And  he  inevitably  slain, 
If  Trulla  and  Cerdon,  in  the  nick, 
To  rescue  him  had  not  been  quick  :  100 

For  Trulla,  who  was  light  of  foot, 
As  shafts  which  long-field  Parthians  shoot,t 
But  not  so  light  as  to  be  home 
Upon  the  ears  of  standing  com,t: 


Dare  not  adventure  on  the  stubborn  prey, 

Ne  bite  before,  but  rome  from  place  to  place 
To  get  a  snatch,  when  turned  is  his  face. 

•  In  the  famous  song  of  Chevy-chase  : 

For  Witherington  needs  must  I  wail. 

As  one  in  doleful  dumps, 
For  when  his  legs  were  smitten  of 

He  fought  upon  his  stumps. 

The  battle  of  Chevy-chase,  or  Otterbourne,  on  the  borders  of 
Scotland,  was  fought  on  St.  Oswald's  day,  August  5,  1388,  be- 
tween the  families  of  Percy  and  Douglas — the  song  was  proba- 
bly wrote  much  after  that  time,  though  long  before  1588,  as 
Hearne  supposes. — The  sense  of  the  stanza  is,  I,  as  one  in  dole- 
ful dumps  (deep  concern)  must  lament  Witherington. 

In  the  old  copy  of  the  ballad,  the  lines  run  thus : 

For  Wetharryngton  my  harte  was  wo 

That  ever  he  slayne  shulde  be 
For  when  both  his  leggis  weare  hewyne  in  to 

He  knyled  and  fought  upon  his  kne. 

t  Bishop  Warburton  offers  an  amendment  here,  which  im- 
proves the  sense,  viz.  longfiled,  or  drawn  up  in  long  ranks.  But 
as  all  the  editions  read  long-field,  I  was  unwilling  to  alter  it. 
Perhaps  the  poet  may  be  justified  in  the  use  of  this  epithet,  from 
the  account  which  Trogus  gives  of  the  Parthians.  He  says, 
"  they  were  banished,  and  vagabond  Scythians  ;  their  name,  in 
"  the  Scythian  language,  signifying  banished.  They  settled  in 
"the  deserts  near  Hyrcania;  and  spread  themselves  over  vast 
"open  fields  and  wide  champaigns — 'imraensaac  profunda  cam- 
"  '  porum.'  They  are  continually  on  horseback :  They  fight, 
"  consult,  and  transact  all  their  business  on  horseback."  Justin, 
lib.  xli.' 

[Bishop  Warburton  and  Mr.  Nash  are  wide  a-field  of  their 
mark  here.  Long--field  is  a  terra  of  archery,  and  a  long-fielder  is 
still  a  hero  at  a  cricket  match.] 

X  Alluding  to  Camilla,  whose  speed  is  hyperbolically  described 
by  Virgil,  at  the  end  of  the  seventh  Mne\A : 

Ilia  vel  intacts  segetis  per  summa  volaret 
Gramina,  nee  teneras  cursu  Isesisset  aristas: 
Vel  mare  per  medium  fluctu  suspensa  tumenti. 
Ferret  iter,  celeres  nee  tingeret  equore  plantas. 


Cerro  ui.]  HUDIBRAS.  131 

Or  trip  it  o'er  tne  water  quicker  105 

Than  witches,  when  theu-  staves  they  liquor,» 

As  some  report,  was  got  among 

The  foremost  of  the  martial  throng ; 

Where  pitying  the  vanquish'd  bear. 

She  called  to  Cerdon,  who  stood  near,  110 

Viewing  the  bloody  fight ;  to  whom, 

Shall  we,  quoth  she,  stand  still  hum-drum, 

And  see  stout  bruin,  all  alone, 

By  numbers  basely  overthrown  ? 

Sucli  feats  already  he'as  atchiev'd,  r5 

In  story  not  to  be  believ'd, 

And  'twould  to  us  be  shame  enough, 

Not  to  attempt  to  fetch  him  off. 

I  would,  quoth  he,  venture  a  limb 
To  second  thee,  and  rescue  him :  120 

But  then  we  must  about  it  straight, 
Or  else  our  aid  will  come  too  late : 
Quarter  he  scorns,  he  is  so  stout. 
And  therefore  cannot  long  hold  out. 
This  said,  they  wav'd  their  weapons  round  125 

About  their  heads,  to  clear  the  ground  ; 
And  joining  forces,  laid  about 
So  fiercely,  that  th'  amazed  rout 
Turn'd  tail  again,  and  straight  begun. 
As  if  the  devil  drove,  to  run.  130 

Meanwhile  th'  approach'd  th'  place  where  bruin 
Was  now  engag'd  to  mortal  ruin : 
The  conqu'ring  foe  they  soon  assail'd  ; 
First  Trulla  stav'd  and  Cerdon  tail'djt 
Until  their  mastives  loos'd  their  hold:  135 

And  yet,  alas  !  do  what  they  could. 
The  worsted  bear  came  off  with  store 
Of  bloody  wounds,  but  all  before : 
For  as  Achilles,  dipt  in  pond, 

Was  anabaptiz'd  free  from  wound,  140 

Made  proof  against  dead-doing  steel 
All  over,  but  the  pagan  heel  ;t 
So  did  our  champion's  arms  defend 
All  of  him  but  the  other  end, 

*  Witches  are  said  to  ride  upon  broomsticks,  and  to  liquor,  or 
grease  them,  tiiat  they  may  go  faster. 

t  Trulla  put  her  staff  between  the  dogs  and  the  bear,  in  order 
to  part  them ;  and  Cerdon  drew  the  dogs  away  by  their  tails. 

X  This  is  the  true  spirit  of  burlesque ;  as  the  anabaptists,  by 
their  dipping,  were  made  free  from  sin,  so  was  Achilles  by  the 
same  operation  performed  by  his  mother  Thetis,  rendered  free 
from  wounds. 


132  HUDIBRAS,  [Part  i 

His  head  and  ears,  which  in  the  martial  143 

Encounter  lost  a  leathern  parcel ; 

For  as  an  Austrian  archduke  once 

Had  one  ear,  which  in  ducatoons 

Is  iialf  the  coin,  in  battle  par'd 

Close  to  his  head,*  so  bruin  far'd ;  150 

But  tugg'd  and  pull'd  on  th'  other  side, 

Like  scriv'ner  newly  crucify'd  ;t 

Or  like  tlie  late-corrected  leathern 

Ears  of  the  circumcised  brethren.^ 

But  gentle  TruUa  into  th'  ring  155 

He  wore  in's  nose  convey'd  a  string, 

With  which  she  march'd  before,  and  led 

The  warrior  to  a  grassy  bed. 

As  authors  write,  in  a  cool  shade, 

*  Albert,  arthduke  of  Austria,  brother  to  the  emperor  Rcdolph 
the  Second,  had  one  of  his  ears  grazed  by  a  spear,  when  he  had 
taken  off  his  helmet,  and  was  endeavoring  to  rally  his  soldiers, 
in  an  engagement  with  Prince  Maurice  of  Nassau,  ann.  1598 
We  read,  in  an  ancient  song,  of  a  differeta  duke  of  that  family  : 

Richard  Coeur  de  Lion  erst  king  of  this  land. 
He  the  lion  gored  with  his  naked  hand ; 
The  false  duke  of  Austria  nothing  did  he  fear. 
But  his  son  he  kill'd  with  a  box  on  the  ear 
Besides  his  famous  acts  done  in  the  holy  land. 

A  ducatoon  is  the  half  of  a  ducat.  Before  the  invention  of 
milling,  coins  were  frequently  cut  into  parts  :  thus,  there  were 
quarier-ducats,  and  two-thirds  of  a  ducat. 

t  In  those  days  lawyers  or  scriveners,  if  guilty  of  dishonest 
practices,  were  sentenced  to  lose  their  ears.  In  modern  limes 
they  seldom  are  so  punished. 

t  Prynne,  Bastwick,  and  Burton,  stood  in  the  pillory,  and  had 
their  ears  cut  off,  by  order  of  the  Star-Charnber,  in  1637,  for 
writing  seditious  libels.  They  were  banished  into  remole  parts 
of  the  kingdom;  but  recalled  by  the  parliament  in  1640.  At 
their  return  the  populace  showed  them  every  respect.  They 
were  met,  near  London,  by  ten  thousand  persons,  who  carried 
boughs  and  flowers.  The  members  of  the  Star-chamber,  con- 
cerned in  punishing  them,  were  lined  in  the  sum  of  4000/.  for 
each. 

Prynne  was  a  noted  lawyer.  He  had  been  once  pilloried  be- 
fore; and  now  lost  the  remainder  of  his  ears:  though,  in  IrJtd 
Strafford's  Letters,  it  is  said  they  were  sewed  on  again,  f.nd 
grew  as  well  as  ever.  His  publication  was  a  pamphlet  entitled, 
News  from  Ipswich.    See  Epistle  of  Hudibras  toSidrophel,  1.  13. 

Baatwick  was  a  physician.  He  wrote  a  pamphlet,  in  elegant 
Latin,  called  Flagellum  Episcoporum.  He  was  the  author,  too, 
of  a  silly  litany,  full  of  abuse. 

Burton,  minister  of  St.  Matthew's,  in  Friday-street,  London, 
preached  a  sermon,  Nov.  5,  entitled,  God  and  the  king.  This  he 
printed  ;  and,  being  questioned  about  it,  he  defended  it,  enlarged, 
and  dedicated  it  to  the  king  himself.  After  his  discharge,  ha 
preached  and  printed"  another  sermon,  entitled,  The  Protestation 
protested. 


Canto  in.]  HUDIBRAS  133 

"Which  eglantine  and  roses  made  :  160 

Close  by  a  softly  murm'ring  stream, 

Where  lovers  used  to  loll  and  dream  :* 

There  leaving  him  to  his  repose, 

Secured  from  pursuit  of  foes, 

And  wanting  nothing  but  a  song,t  16P 

And  a  well-tun'd  theorbo  hung 

Upon  a  bough,  to  ease  the  pain 

His  tugg'd  ears  sufFer'd,  with  a  strain.l 

They  both  drew  up,  to  march  in  quest 

Of  his  great  leader,  and  the  rest.  170 

For  Orsin,  who  was  more  renown'd 
For  stout  maintaining  of  his  ground 
In  standing  fights,  than  for  pursuit, 
As  being  not  so  quick  of  foot,§ 

Was  not  long  able  to  keep  pace  .75 

With  others  that  pursu'd  the  chase. 
But  found  himself  left  far  behind, 
Both  out  of  heart  and  out  of  wind ; 
Griev'd  to  behold  his  bear  pursu'd 
So  basely  by  a  multitude,  180 

And  like  to  fall,  not  by  the  prowess, 
But  numbers,  of  his  coward  foes. 
He  rag'd,  and  kept  as  heavy  a  coil  as 
Stout  Kercules  for  loss  of  Hylas ; 
Forcing  the  vallies  to  repeat  185 

The  accents  of  his  sad  regret  :|1 

*  Et  fotum  gremio  Dea  tollit  in  altos 

Idalise  lucos,  ubi  mollis  amaracus  ilium 
Kloribus,  et  dulci  aspirans  aniplectitur  umbra. 

Virgil,  iEneid  i.  692. 
And  Johannes  Secundus,  Eleg.  Cum  Venus  Ascanium. 
Mr.  Butler  frequently  gives  us  specimens  of  poetical  imagery, 
which  lead  us  to  believe  that  he   might  have  ranked  with  the 
first  class  of  elegant  writers. 

t  This  is  a  banter  upon  some  of  the  romance  writers  of  those 
days. 
i  In  Grey's  edition  it  is  thus  pointed : 

His  tugg'd  ears  suffer'd;  with  a  strain 
They  both  drew  up — 
But  I  should  rather  suppose  the   poet  meant  a  well-tnned 
theorbo,  to  ease  the  pain  with  a  strain,  that  is,  with  music  and  a 
Bong. 

^  Thus  Ajax  is  described  by  Homer : 

Qii&'  3v  'A;^tXA^r  ^ij^^jropi  X'^P^^f'^'"-, 

•Ey  y'  aiiTos'adit]'  voal  6'  o^'Kuii  iariv  ipt^ttv. 

II.  xiii.  334. 
II  Hercules,  when  he  bewails  the  loss  of  Hylas : 

Volat  ordine  nuUo 

Cnncta  petens ;  nunc  ad  ripas,  dejectaque  saxis 


134  HUDIBRAS  [Part  i 

Ho  beat  his  breast,  and  tore  his  hair, 
For  loss  of  his  dear  crony  bear ; 

Fliimina ;  nunc  notas  nemorum  procurrit  ad  umbras : 
Rursiis  Hyhm,  et  rursus  Hylan  per  longa  reclaraat 
Avia :  responsant  siiviE,  et  vaga  certat  imago. 

Val.  Flac.  Argon,  iii.  593. 
Tpiy  liiv  YXav  aicnv  '6aov  6a6vs  ^pvys  Xai/id;, 
Tpif  6'  ap'  6  TToii  vixaKovatV  dpaiS.  6'  iKiTO  ip(*vi 
'E^  idaTos.  Theocritiis,   dyl.  xiii.  58. 

Echoes  have  frequently  been  employed  by  the  poets.  Mr. 
Butler  ridicules  this  false  kind  of  wit,  and  produces  answers 
which  are  sufficiently  whimsical.  The  learned  Erasmus  com- 
posed a  dialogue  upon  this  subject:  his  Echo  seems  to  have 
been  an  extraordinary  linguist;  for  she  answers  the  person, 
with  whom  she  converses,  in  Latin,  Greek,  and  Hebrew. 

"The  conceit  of  making  Echo  talk  sensibly,"  says  Mr.  Addison, 
Spectator,  No.  59,  "  and  give  rational  answers,  if  it  could  be 
"  excusable  in  any  writer,  would  be  so  in  Ovid,  where  he  intro- 
"  duces  Echo  as  a  nymph,  before  she  was  worn  away  into 
"  nothing  but  a  voice.  The  passage  relating  her  conversation 
with  Narcissus  is  very  ingenious : 

Forte  puer,  comitum  seductus  ab  agmine  fido, 
Dixerat,  Ecquis  adest  ■?  el  Adest,  responderat  Echo. 
Hie  stupet:  utquo  aciem  partes  divisit  in  omnes  ; 
Voce,  Veni,  clamat  magna.    Vocat  ilia  vocantem. 
Respicit :  et  nullo  rursus  veniente,  Q.uid,  inquil, 
Me  fugis?  et  totidem,  quot  dixit,  verba  recepit 
Perstat ;  et  alternae  deceptus  imagine  vocis 
Hue  coeamus,  ait ;  nullique  libentius  unquam 
Responsura  sono,  Coeamus,  retulit  Echo. 

Metamorph.  iii.  379. 
A  friend  of  mine,  who  boasted  much  of  his  park  and  gardens 
in  Ireland,  among  other  curiosities  mentioned  an  extraordinary 
Echo,  that  would  return  answers  to  any  thing  which  was  said. 
Of  what  kind  7 — inquired  a  gentleman  present.  Why,  says  he, 
if  I  call  out  loud.  How  do  you  do,  Coaner'?  the  Echo  immediately 
answers.  Very  well,  thank  you,  sir. 

Stout  Hercules  for  loss  of  Hylas ; — Euripides,  in  his  An- 
dromeda, a  tragedy  now  lost,  had  a  scene  of  this  kind,  which 
Aristophanes  makes  sport  with  in  his  Feast  of  Ceres. 

In  the  Anthologia,  lib.  iii.  6,  is  an  epigram  of  Leonidas,  and 
in  the  4th  book  are  six  lines  l)y  Guaradas.  See  Brunck's  Ana- 
lecta,  vol.  ii. 

a  Ajfoj  <pl\a  fioi  avyKaTalveaSv  tL — ^  ri; 
a  'EpiS  KophKas'  a  6e  fi  ov  <pi\u. — (i  <pi\ei. 
a  TJpa^ai  &  &  Kaipof  Katpuv  ov  (pcpei — /?  <pipu. 
a  Ti)  roivvv  air^  Xi^ov  (is  ipfl. — fi  ipd. 
a  Kac  iriVrii/  oirij  Kepudraiv  tv  6d;. — j3  TU  S6s' 
a  Ax'i,  Ti  XoiTiuv,  3  TTddit  Tlixitv, — /3  tvxciv. 
Echo !  I  love,  advise  me  somewhat : — What  1 
Does  Cloe's  heart  incline  to  love  1 — To  love,  &c. 
Martial  ridicules  the  Latin  authors  of  his  time  for  this  false 
wit,  and  promises  that  none  shall  be  found  in  his  writings. 
The  early  French  poets  have  fallen  into  this  puerility.    Joachim 
de  Bellay  has  an  Echo  of  this  kind,  a  few  lines  of  which  I  will 
nnscribe : 


Canto  ui.]  HUDIBRA&.  135 

That  Echo,  from  the  hollow  ground, 

His  doleful  wailings  did  resound  190 

More  wistfully,  by  many  times, 

Than  in  small  poets'  splay-foot  rhymes 

That  make  her,  in  their  ruthful  stories, 

To  answer  to  int'rogatories. 

And  most  unconscionably  depose  195 

To  things  of  which  she  nothing  knows  ; 

And  when  she  has  said  all  she  can  say, 

'Tis  wrested  to  the  lover's  fancy. 

Quoth  he,  O  whither,  wicked  Bruin, 

Art  thou  fled  to  my — Echo,  ruin.  200 

I  thought  th'  hadst  scorn'd  to  budge  a  step. 

For  fear.     Quoth  Echo,  Marry  guep.* 

Am  not  I  h6re  to  take  thy  part  ? 

Then  what  has  quail'd  thy  stubborn  heart  .'t 

Have  these  bones  rattled,  and  this  head  205 

So  often  in  thy  quarrel  bled  ? 

Nor  did  I  ever  wince  or  grudge  it, 

For  thy  dear  sake.     Quoth  she.  Mum  hudget.X 

Think'st  thou  'twill  not  be  laid  i'  th'  dish§ 

Thou  turu'dst  thy  back  1  Quoth  Echo,  Pish.        210 

To  run  from  those  th'  hadst  overcome 

Thus  cowardly  ?  Quoth  Echo,  Mum. 

But  what  a-vengeance  makes  thee  fly 

From  me  too,  as  thine  enemy  ? 

Or,  if  thou  hast  no  thought  of  me,  215 

Nor  what  I  have  endur'd  for  thee, 

Yet  shame  and  honour  might  prevail 


Oui  est  I'auteur  de  ces  maux  avenus  ? — Venus. 
Qu'etois-je  avant  d'entrer  en  ce  passage  ? — Sage. 
Qu'est-ce  qu'aimer  et  se  plaindre  soiiveni  1 — Vent. 
Dis-moi  quelle  est  celle  pour  qui  j'cndure  ?— Dure. 
Sent-elle  bien  la  douleur  qui  me  point  1 — Point. 
*  A  sort  of  imprecation  of  Mary  come  up,  praying  the  Virgin 
Mary  to  help;  thougii  some  derive  it  otherwise.    See  Bishop 
Percy's  Reliques  of  Ancient  Poetry,  and  v.  16  of  the  Wanton 
Wife  of  Bath. 

t  Quail,  to  cause  to  shrink,  or  faint ;  from  A.  S.  cwealm,  mors, 
cwellan,   occidere.     A  qualm,  deliquium  animi,  brevier  mors. 
The  word  is  frequently  used  in  ancient  songs  and  ballads. 
X  A  term  denoting  silence. 

[I  come  to  her  in  white,  and  cry  mum ;  and  she  cries  budget; 
and  by  that  we  know  one  another. — Merry  Wives,  Act  v.  sc.  2.] 
$  [To  lay  in  one's  dish,  to  object  a  thing  to  a  person,  to  make 
it  an  accusation  against  him. 

Last  night  you  lay  it,  madam,  in  our  dish. 
How  that  a  maid  of  ours  (whom  me  must  check) 
Had  broke  your  b  tches  leg. 

Sir  John  Harr.  Epigr.  1. 37.] 


136  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  i. 

To  keep  thee  thus  from  turning  tail : 

For  who  would  grutch  to  spend  his  blood  iu 

His  honour's  cause  ?  Quoth  slie,  a  Puddin.  220 

This  said,  his  grief  to  anger  turn'd, 

Which  in  his  manly  stomach  bum'd  ; 

Thirst  of  revenge,  and  wrath,  in  place 

Of  sorrow,  now  began  to  blaze. 

He  vow'd  the  authors  of  his  A^oe  335 

Should  equal  vengeance  undergo  ; 

And  with  their  bones  and  flesh  pay  dear 

For  what  he  sufFer'd  and  his  bear. 

This  b'ing  resolv'd,  with  equal  speed 

And  rage,  he  hasted  to  proceed  S30 

To  action  straight,  and  giving  o'er 

To  search  for  bruin  any  more, 

He  went  in  quest  of  Hudibras, 

To  find  him  out,  where'er  he  was  ; 

And  if  he  were  above  ground,  vow'd  335 

He'd  ferret  him,  lurk  where  he  wou'd. 

But  scarce  had  he  a  furlong  on 
This  resolute  adventure  gone, 
When  he  encounter'd  with  that  crew 
Whom  Hudibras  did  late  subdue.  240 

Honour,  revenge,  contempt,  and  shame, 
Did  equally  their  breasts  inflame. 
'Mong  these  the  fierce  Magnano  was, 
And  Talgol,  foe  to  Hudibras : 

Cerdon  and  Colon,  warriors  stout,  345 

And  resolute,  as  ever  fought ; 
Whom  furious  Orsin  thus  bespoke : 

Shall  we,  quoth  he,  thus  basely  brook 
The  vile  affront  that  paltry  ass, 

And  feeble  scoundrel,  Hudibras,  256 

With  that  more  paltry  ragamuffin, 
Ralpho,  with  vaporing  aud  huffing, 
Have  put  upon  us,  like  tame  cattle, 
As  if  th'  had  routed  us  in  battle  1 
For  my  part  it  shall  ne'er  be  said  255 

I  for  the  washing  gave  my  head  :* 

*  That  is,  behaved  cowardly,  or  surrendered  at  discretion  : 
jeering  obliquely  perhaps  at  the  anabaptistical  notions  of  Ralpho. 
— Hoolter,  or  Vowler,  in  his  description  of  Exeter,  written  aaout 
1584,  speaking  of  the  parson  of  St.  Thomas,  who  was  hsnged 
during  the  siege,  says,  "  he  was  a  stout  man,  who  woulc*  not 
"  give  his  head  for  the  polling,  nor  his  beard  for  the  wash-'ng." 
Grey  gives  an  apt  quotation  from  Cupid's  Revenge,  by  Beaumont 
and  Fletcher,  Act  iv. 

l»t  Citizen   It  holds,  he  dies  this  morning. 


Canto  m.]  HUDIBRAS  137 

Nor  did  I  turn  my  back  for  fear 

Of  them,  but  losing  of  my  bear, 

Which  now  I'm  like  to  undergo  ; 

For  whether  these  fell  wounds,  or  no,  260 

He  has  receiv'd  in  fight,  are  mortal, 

Is  more  than  all  my  skill  can  foretel ; 

Nor  do  I  know  what  is  become 

Of  him,  more  than  the  Pope  of  Rome.* 

But  if  I  can  but  find  them  out  265 

That  caus'd  it,  as  I  shall  no  doubt. 

Where'er  th'  in  hugger-mugger  lurk,t 

I'll  make  them  rue  their  handiwork, 

And  wish  that  they  had  rather  dar'd 

To  pull  the  devil  by  the  beard.t  270 

Quoth  Cerdon,  noble  Orsin,  th'  hast 
Great  reason  to  do  as  thou  say'st, 
And  so  has  ev'ry  body  here. 
As  well  as  thou  hast,  or  thy  bear: 
Others  may  do  as  they  see  good  ;  275 

But  if  this  twig  be  made  of  wood 
That  will  hold  tack,  I'll  make  the  fur 
Fly  'bout  the  ears  of  that  old  cur. 
And  th'  otlier  mongrel  vermin,  Ralph, 
That  brav'd  us  all  in  his  behalf.  280 

Thy  bear  is  safe,  and  out  of  peril, 
Tho'  lugg'd  indeed,  and  wounded  very  ill ; 
Myself  and  Trulla  made  a  shift 
To  help  him  out  at  a  dead  lift ; 

And  having  brought  him  bravely  off,  285 

Have  left  him  where  he's  safe  enough  : 
There  let  him  rest ;  for  if  we  stay, 
The  slaves  may  hap  to  get  away. 

This  said,  they  all  engag'd  to  join 
Their  forces  in  the  same  design,  290 

And  forthwith  put  themselves,  iu  search 
Of  Hudibras,  upon  their  march : 
Where  leave  we  them  awhile,  to  tell 
What  the  victorious  knight  befell  ; 

2d  Citizen.  Then  )iappy  man  be  his  fortune. 

]st  Citizen.  And  so  am  I  and  forty  more  good  fellows,  that 
will  not  give  their  heads  for  the  washing. 

*  This  common  saying  is  a  sneer  at  the  Pope's  infallibility. 

t  [In  secrecy  or  concealment. 

and  we  have  done  but  greenly 

In  hvgger-miigger  to  inter  him.  Hamlet,  iv.  5.] 

%  A  proverbial  expression  used  for  any  bold  or  daring  enter- 
prise :  so  we  say.  To  talie  a  lion  by  the  beard.  The  Spaniards 
deemed  it  an  unpardonable  affront  to  be  pulled  by  the  beard. 


138  •  HUDIBRAS.  f  Parti. 

For  such,  Crowdero  being  fast  295 

In  dungeon  shut,  we  left  him  last. 

Triumphant  laurels  seem'd  to  grow 

Nowhere  so  green  as  on  his  brow  ; 

Laden  with  which,  as  well  as  tir'd 

With  conqu'ring  toil,  he  now  retir'd  300 

Unto  a  neighb'ring  castle  by. 

To  rest  his  body,  and  apply 

Fit  med'cines  to  each  glorious  bruise 

He'd  got  in  fight,  reds,  blacks,  and  blues  ; 

To  mollify  th'  uneasy  pang  302 

Of  ev'ry  honourable  bang. 

Which  b'ing  by  skilful  midwife  drest, 

He  laid  him  down  to  take  his  rest. 

But  all  in  vain :  he  'ad  got  a  hurt 
O'  th'  inside,  of  a  deadlier  sort,  310 

By  Cupid  made,  who  took  his  stand 
Upon  a  widow's  jointure-land,* 
For  he,  in  all  his  am'rous  battles, 
No  'dvantage  finds  like  goods  and  chattels, 
Drew  home  his  bow,  and  aiming  right,  315 

Let  fly  an  arrow  at  the  Knight ; 
The  shaft  against  a  rib  did  glance, 
And  galfd  him  in  the  purtenance  ;t 
But  time  had  somewhat  'swag'd  his  pain, 
After  he  had  found  his  suit  in  vain  :  320 

For  that  proud  dame,  for  whom  his  soul 
Was  burnt  in's  belly  like  a  coal. 
That  belly  that  so  oft'  did  ake, 
And  suffer  griping  for  her  sake. 

Till  purging  comfits,  and  ant's  eggst  325 

Had  almost  brought  him  off  his  legs, — 

*  Stable-stand  is  a  term  of  the  forest  laws,  and  signifies  a 
place  under  some  convenient  cover,  where  a  deer-stealer  fixes 
himself,  and  keeps  watch  for  the  purpose  of  killing  deer  as  they 
pass  by.  From  the  place  it  came  also  to  be  applied  to  the  per- 
son ;  and  any  man  taken  in  the  forest  in  that  situation,  with  a 
gun  or  bow,  was  presumed  to  be  an  offender,  and  had  the  nanie 
of  a  Stable-stand.  From  a  note  by  Hanmer  on  Shakspoare's 
Winter's  Tale,  Act  ii.  sc.  1.  The  widow  is  supposed  to  have 
been  Mrs.  Tomson,  who  had  a  jointure  of  200i.  a  year. 

t  A  ludicrous  name  for  the  knight's  heart :  taken,  probably, 
from  a  calf's  or  lamb's  head  and  purtenance,  as  it  is  vulgarly 
called,  instead  of  appurtenance,  which,  among  other  entrails, 
contains  the  heart. 

i  Ants'  eggs  were  supposed,  by  some,  to  be  great  antidotes  to 
love  passions.*    I  cannot  divine  what  are  the  medical  qualities 

•  Varum  equijem  miror  fonnicanim  hac  in  parte  potentiam,  quum  quatuor 
tanlum  ia  ;isiu  siunplas,  omnem  Veneris,  ac  coeuncli  potentiam  auferre  tradit 
Bruafelsiuti. 


Camto  in.l  HUDIBRAS.  139 

Us'd  him  so  like  a  base  rascallion, 

That  old  Pyg — what  d'  y'  call  him — vialion, 

That  cut  his  mistress  out  of  stone,* 

Had  not  so  hard  a  hearted  one.  330 

She  had  a  thousand  jadish  tricks, 

Worse  than  a  mule  that  flings  and  kicks  ; 

'Mong  which  one  cross-graiu'd  freak  she  had. 

As  insolent  as  strange  and  mad  ; 

She  could  love  none  but  only  such  335 

As  scoru'd  and  hated  her  sis  much.t 

'Twas  a  strange  riddle  of  a  lady  ; 

Not  love,  if  any  lov'd  her :  ha-day  !t 


of  them.  Palladius,  de  re  rustica.  29.  2,  directs  ants'  egps  to  be 
given  to  young  pheasants. — Plutarch,  ii.  928,  and  ii.  974,  says 
that  bears,  when  they  are  siclc,  cure  themselves  by  swallowing 
ants.-  Frosted  caraway  seeds  (common  sugar  plums)  are  not 
unlike  ants'  eggs. 

*  Pygmalion,  as  the  mythologists  say,  fell  in  love  with  a 
statue  of  his  own  carving ;  and  Venus,  to  gratify  him,  tamed  it 
into  a  living  woman. 

The  truth  of  the  story  is  supposed  to  be,  that  he  had  a  very 
beautiful  wife,  whose  skin  far  surpassed  the  whiteness  of  ivory. 
Or  it  may  mean,  to  show  the  painter's  or  statuary's  vanity,  and 
extreme  fondness  of  his  own  performance.  See  Fr.  Junius,  in 
Catalog.  Architect.  Pictor.  Statuarior.  &c.,  pp.  188,  163.  Stone., 
instead  of  ivory,  that  the  widow's  hard  heart,  v.  330,  might  be 
the  nearer  resembled :  so  brazen,  for  stone,  in  Pope's  description 
of  Gibber's  brothers  in  the  Dunciad,  i.  32,  that  the  resemblance 
between  him  and  them  might  be  the  stronger.  So  in  our  poet  a 
goose,  instead  of  some  more  considerable  fowl,  is  described  with 
talons,  only  because  Hudibras  was  to  be  compared  to  a  fowl 
with  such :  but  making  a  goose  have  talons,  and  Hudibras  like 
a  goose,  to  which  wise  animal  he  had  before  compared  a  jus- 
tice, P.  j.  c.  i.  v.  75,  heightens  the  ridicule.  See  P.  i.  c.  iii.  v. 
525. 

If  the  reader  loves  a  punning  epitaph,  let  him  peruse  the  fol- 
lowing, on  a  youth  who  died  for  love  of  Molly  Stone : 

MoUe  fuit  saxum,  saxum,  O  !  si  Molle  fuisset, 
Non  foret  hie  subter,  sed  super  esset  ei. 

t  Such  a  capricious  kind  of  love  is  described  by  Horace : 
Satires,  book  i.  ii.  105. 

Leporem  venator  ut  alta 

In  nive  sectatur,  posilum  sic  tangere  nolit : 

Cantat  et  apponit :  meus  est  amor  huic  similis  ;  nam 

Transvolat  in  medio  posita,  et  fugientia  captat. 

Nearly  a  translation  of  the  eleventh  epigram  of  CallimachnSi 
which  ends, 

Xhluoi  epii)S  TOtdiSs'  Ta  i^ev  tpt'vyoiTa  SiuiKtiv 
oiie,  Ta  6'  iv  ^fWtjJ  Kdjitva  TTapirtTaTai. 

t  In  the  edition  of  1678  it  is  Hey-day,  but  either  may  stand, 
as  they  both  signify  a  mark  of  admiration.  See  Skinner  and 
Junius. 


140  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  ». 

So  cowards  never  use  their  might, 
But  against  such  as  will  not  fight.  340 

So  some  diseases  have  been  foimd 
Only  to  seize  upon  the  sound.* 
He  that  gets  her  by  heart,  must  say  her 
Tlie  baclv-way,  like  a  witcli's  prayer. 
Meanwhile  the  Knight  had  no  small  task  34S 

To  compass  what  he  durst  not  ask : 
Ho  loves,  but  dares  not  make  the  motion  ; 
»     Her  ignorance  is  his  devotion  :t 
Like  caitiff  vile,  that  for  misdeed 
Rides  with  his  face  to  rump  of  steed  ;X  350 

Or  rowing  scull  he's  fam  to  love, 
Look  one  way,  and  another  move  ; 
Or  like  a  tumbler  that  does  play 
His  game,  and  looks  another  way,§ 
Until  he  seize  upon  the  coney  ;  355 

Just  so  does  he  by  matrimony, 
But  all  in  vain  :  her  subtle  snout 
Did  quickly  wind  his  meaning  out ; 
Which  she  return'd  with  too  much  scorn 
To  be  by  man  of  honour  born  ;  360 


*  It  is  common  for  horses,  as  well  as  men,  to  be  afflicted 
"  with  sciatica,  or  rlieumatism,  to  a  great  degree  for  weeks  to- 
"  gether,  and  when  they  once  get  clear  of  the  fit,"  as  we  term 
it,  "  have  perhaps  never  heard  any  more  of  it  while  they  lived : 
"  for  these  distempers,  with  some  others,  called  salutary'  distem- 
"pers,  seldom  or  never  seize  upon  an  unsound  body."  See 
Bracken's  Farriery  Improved,  ii.  46.  The  meaning,  then,  from 
V.  338,  is  this :  As  the  widow  loved  none  that  were  disposed  to 
love  her,  so  cowards  fight  with  none  that  are  disposed  to  fight 
with  them  :  so  some  diseases  seize  upon  none  that  are  already 
distempered,  and  in  appearance  proper  subjects  for  them,  but 
upon  those  only  who,  through  the  firmness  of  their  constitution, 
seem  least  disposed  for  such  attacks. 

t  That  is,  her  ignorance  of  his  love  makes  him  adore  and 
pursue  her  with  greater  ardor:  but  the  poet  here  means  to  ban- 
ter the  papists,  who  deny  to  the  common  people  the  use  of  the 
bible  or  prayer-book  in  the  vulgar  tongue:  hence  they  are 
charged  with  asserting,  that  ignorance  is  the  mother  of  devo- 
tion. 

t  Dr.  Grey  supposes  this  may  allude  to  five  members  of  the 
army,  who,  on  the  6th  of  March,  1048,  were  forced  to  undergo 
this  punishment,  for  petitioning  the  Rump  for  relief  of  the  op- 
pressed commonwealth. 

$  A  sort  of  dog,  that  rolls  himself  in  a  heap,  and  tumbles  over, 
disguising  his  shape  and  motion,  till  he  is  within  reach  of  his 
game.  This  dog  is  called  by  the  Latins  Vertagus.  See  Caius 
de  canibus  Britannicis,  and  Martial,  lib.  xiv.  Epig.  200. 

Non  sibi,  sed  domino  venatur  vertagus  acer, 
IlljBsum  leporem  qui  tibi  dente  feret. 


Canto  m.]  HUDIBRAS.  141 

Yet  much  he  bore,  until  the  distress 

He  sufFer'd  from  his  spightful  mistress 

Did  stir  his  stomach,  and  the  pain 

He  had  endur'd  from  her  disdain 

Turn'd  to  regret  so  resolute,  3C5 

That  he  resolv'd  to  wave  his  suit, 

And  either  to  renounce  her  quite. 

Or  for  a  while  play  least  in  sight. 

This  resolution  b'ing  put  on. 

He  kept  some  months,  and  more  had  done,  370 

But  being  brought  so  nigh  by  fate, 

The  vict'ry  he  achiev'd  so  late 

Did  set  his  thoughts  agog,  and  ope 

A  door  to  discontinu'd  hope,* 

That  seem'd  to  promise  he  might  win  375 

His  dame  too,  now  his  hand  was  in  ; 

And  that  his  valour,  and  the  honour 

He  'ad  newly  gain'd,  might  work  upon  her : 

These  reasons  made  his  mouth  to  water, 

With  am'rous  longings,  to  be  at  her.  380 

Thought  he  unto  himself,  who  knows 
But  this  brave  conquest  o'er  my  foes 
May  reach  her  heart,  and  make  that  stoop, 
As  I  but  now  have  forc'd  the  troop  ? 
If  nothing  can  oppugne  love,t  383 

And  virtue  invious  ways  can  prove, t 
What  may  not  he  confide  to  do 
That  brings  both  love  and  virtue  too  ? 
But  thou  bring'st  valour  too,  and  wit, 
Two  things  that  seldom  fail  to  hit.  390 

Valour's  a  mouse-trap,  wit  a  gin. 
Which  women  oft'  are  taken  in  :§ 
Then,  Hudibras,  why  should'st  thou  fear 
To  be,  that  art  a  conqueror  ? 

Fortune  the  audacious  doth  juvare,  395 

But  let's  the  timidousJI  miscarry  : 
Then,  while  the  honor  thou  hast  got 
Is  spick  and  span  new,  piping  hot, 

*  One  of  the  canting  phrases  used  by  the  sectaries, 
t  Read  oppugn6,  to  make  three  syllables. 

J  Virtus,  recludens  immerilis  mori 

Coelum,  negata  tenlat  iter  via. 

Horat.  Carm.  lib.  lii.  2. 

$  We  often  see  women  captivated  by  a  red  coat,  or  a  copy  of 
verses. 

II  ^udaicous,  and  timidous,  two  words  from  audax  and  timid 
us ;  the  hero  being  in  a  latinizing  humor. 


142  HUDIBRAS  [Part  ». 

Strike  her  up  bravely  thou  hadst  best, 

And  trust  thy  fortune  with  the  rest.  400 

Such  thoughts  as  these  the  Knight  did  keep 

More  than  his  bangs,  or  fleas,  from  sleep  ; 

And  as  an  owl,  that  in  a  barn 

Sees  a  mouse  creeping  in  the  corn. 

Sits  still,  and  shuts  his  round  blue  eyes,  403 

As  if  he  slept,  until  he  spies 

The  little  beast  within  his  reach, 

Then  starts  and  seizes  on  the  wretch  ; 

So  from  his  couch  the  Knight  did  start, 

To  seize  upon  the  widow's  heart  ;  410 

Crying,  with  hasty  tone  and  hoarse, 

Ralpho,  dispatch,  to  horse,  to  horse  ! 

And  'twas  but  time  ;  for  now  the  rout, 

We  left  engag'd  to  seek  him  out. 

By  speedy  marches  were  advanc'd  415 

Up  to  the  fort  where  he  ensconc'd,* 

And  had  the  avenues  all  possest 

About  the  place  from  east  to  west. 

That  done,  awhile  they  made  a  halt. 
To  view  the  ground,  and  where  t'  assault ;  420 

Then  call'd  a  council,  which  was  best, 
By  siege,  or  onslaught,  to  investt 
The  enemy  ;  and  'twas  agreed 
By  storm  and  onslaught  to  proceed. 
This  being  resolv'd,  in  comely  sort  425 

They  now  drew  up  t'  attack  the  fort ; 
When  Hudibras,  about  to  enter 
Upon  anothergates  adventure,! 
To  Ralpho  call'd  aloud  to  arm, 

Not  dreaming  of  approaching  storm.  430 

Whether  dame  fortune,  or  the  care 
Of  angel  bad,  or  tutelar. 
Did  arm,  or  thrust  him  on  a  danger. 
To  which  he  was  an  utter  stranger, 
That  foresight  might,  or  might  not,  blot  435 

The  glory  he  had  newly  got ; 
Or  to  his  shame  it  might  be  said. 
They  took  him  napping  in  his  bed : 


*  An  army  is  said  to  be  ensconced,  when  it  is  fortified  o»  de 
fended  by  a  small  fort  or  sconce. 

t  Onslaught,  that  is,  a  coup  de  main,  a  sudden  storming,  of 
Kttack. 

t  See  Sanderson,  p.  47,  third  sermon  ad  clerum.  "If  we  bo 
"  of  the  spirituality,  there  should  be  in  us  anothergates  maiii- 
''fostation  of  the  spirit." 


Canto  ui.]  HUDIBRAS.  143 

To  them  we  leave  it  to  expound, 

That  deal  in  sciences  profound.  440 

His  courser  scarce  he  had  bestrid, 
And  Ralpho  that  on  which  he  rid, 
When  setting  ope  the  postern  gate, 
To  take  the  tield  and  sally  at, 

The  foe  appear'd,  drawn  up  and  drill'd,*  445 

Ready  to  charge  them  in  the  field. 
This  somewhat  startled  the  bold  Knight, 
Surpris'd  with  th'  unexpected  sight : 
The  bruises  of  his  bones  and  flesh 
He  thought  began  to  smart  afresh ;  450 

Till  recollecting  wonted  courage. 
His  fear  was  soon  converted  to  rage, 
And  thus  he  spoke  :  The  coward  foe, 
Whom  we  but  now  gave  quarter  to. 
Look,  yonder's  rally'd,  and  appears  455 

As  if  they  had  outrun  their  fears ; 
The  glory  we  did  lately  get. 
The  Fates  command  us  to  repeat  ;t 
And  to  their  wills  we  must  succumb, 
Quocunque  trahunt,  'tis  our  doom.  460 

This  is  the  same  numeric  crew 
Which  we  so  lately  did  subdue  ; 
The  self-same  individuals  that 
Did  run,  as  mice  do  from  a  cat, 

When  we  courageously  did  wield  465 

Our  martial  weapons  in  the  field, 
To  tug  for  victory :  and  when 
We  shall  our  shining  blades  agen 
Brandish  in  terror  o'er  our  heads,t 
They'll  straight  resume  their  wonted  dreads.  470 

Fear  is  an  ague,  that  forsakes 
And  haunts,  by  fits,  those  whom  it  takes  ; 
And  they'll  opine  they  feel  the  pain 
And  blows  they  felt  to-day,  again. 
Then  let  us  boldly  charge  them  home,  475 

And  make  no  doubt  to  overcome. 


*  To  drill,  is  to  exercise  and  teach  the  military  discipline. 

t  This  is  exactly  in  the  style  of  victorious  leaders.  Thus 
Hannibal  encouraged  his  men  :  "  These  are  the  same  Romans 
*'  whom  you  have  beaten  so  often."  And  Octavius  addressed 
his  soldiers  at  Actium  :  "  It  is  the  same  Antony  whom  yon  once 
"  drove  out  of  the  field  before  Mutina :  Be,  as  you  have  beeut 
'conquerors." 

X  aTivaaamv  ipdayavov  d^v.     Homer 


114  HUDIBRAS.  r^ART  L 

This  said,  his  courage  to  inflame, 
He  call'd  upon  his  mistress'  name,* 
Jlis  pistol  next  he  cock'd  anew, 

And  out  his  nut-brown  whinyard  drew  ;t  480 

And  placing  Ralpho  in  the  front,t 
Reserv'd  himself  to  bear  the  brunt, 
As  expert  warriors  use  ;  then  ply'd, 
With  iron  heel,  his  courser's  side, 
Conveying  sympathetic  speed  485 

From  heel  of  knight  to  heel  of  steed. 

Meanwhile  the  foe,  with  equal  rage 
And  speed,  advancing  to  engage. 
Both  parties  now  were  drawn  so  close, 
Almost  to  come  to  handy-blows:  490 

When  Orsin  first  let  fly  a  stone 
At  Ralpho  ;  not  so  huge  a  one 
As  that  which  Diomed  did  maul 
JEneas  on  the  bum  withal  ;§ 

Yet  big  enough,  if  rightly  huri'd,  495 

T'  have  sent  him  to  another  world. 
Whether  above  ground,  or  below. 
Which  saints,  twice  dipt,  are  destin'd  to.|l 


*  Cervantes,  upon  almost  every  occasion,  makes  Quixote  in- 
voke his  Dulcinea.  Mr.  Jarvis,  in  his  life  of  Cervantes,  ob- 
serves, from  the  old  collection  of  Spanish  laws,  that  they  hold  it 
a  noble  thing  to  call  upon  the  name  of  their  mistresses,  that 
their  hearts  may  swell  with  an  increase  of  courage,  and  their 
shame  be  the  greater  if  they  fail  in  their  attempt. 

t  This  word  whinyard  signifies  a  sword.  Sliinner  derives  it 
from  the  Saxon  winnan,  to  win  or  acquire  honor;  but,  as  it  is 
chiefly  used  in  contempt,  Johnson  derives  it  from  whin,  furze; 
so  whinniard,  the  short  scythe  or  instrimient  with  which  coun 
try  people  cut  whins. 

i  Like  Thraso  in  Terence.  Eunuchus,  iv.  7,  who  says,  "  Ego 
ero  post  principia." 

*S  b  Se  ■}(tpjid&iov  XdSfi  xcipi 

Tvicliri;,  fiiya  cpyov,  3  oi  6io  y'  avipt  (pipatcv, 
O7oi  vvv  BpoToi  ila'  6  bi  fiiv  "pea  -rrdXXe  Kal  oloi. 
Tu  6d\cv  Alveiao  /car'  iax^°^>  ^v&a  re  iiepdi 

^  Iliad.  V.  302. 

And  Juvenal : 

nee  hunc  lapidem,  quali  se  Tumiis,  et  Ajax ; 
Vel  quo  Tydides  percussit  pondere  coxam 
^neae  ;  sed  quern  valeant  emittere  dextrae 
lUis  dissimiles,  et  nostro  tempore  natae. 

Sat.  sv.  65. 

II  The  anabaptists  thought  they  obtained  a  higher  degree  of 
taintship  by  being  rebaptized. 


:anto  III.]  HUDIBRAS.  145 

The  danger  startled  the  bold  Squire, 

And  made  him  some  few  steps  retire  ;  500 

But  Hudibras  advaiic'd  to's  aid, 

And  rous'd  his  spirits  half  dismay'd  ; 

He  wisely  doubting  lest  the  shot 

O'  th'  enemy,  now  growing  hot,  , 

Might  at  a  distance  gall,  press'd  close,  505 

To  come,  pell-mell,  to  handy  blowa, 

And  that  he  might  their  aim  decline, 

Advanc'd  still  in  an  oblique  line  ; 

But  prudently  forbore  to  fire. 

Till  lareast  to  breast  he  had  got  nigher  ;*  514 

As  expert  warriors  use  to  do. 

When  hand  to  hand  they  charge  then-  foe. 

This  order  the  advent'rous  Knight, 

Most  soldier-like,  observ'd  in  fight. 

When  Fortune,  as  she's  wont,  tum'd  fickle,  515 

And  for  the  foe  began  to  stickle. 

The  more  shame  for  her  Goodyship  ♦ 

To  give  so  near  a  friend  the  slip. 

For  Colon,  choosing  out  a  stone, 

Levell'd  so  right,  it  thump'd  upon  520 

His  manly  paunch,  with  such  a  force, 

As  almost  beat  him  off  his  horse. 

He  loos'd  his  whinyard,  and  the  rein, 

But  laying  fast  hold  on  the  mane. 

Preserved  his  seat :  and,  as  a  goose  525 

In  death  contracts  his  talons  close. 

So  did  the  knight,  and  with  one  claw 

The  trigger  of  his  pistol  draw. 

The  gun  went  off;  and  as  it  was 

Still  fatal  to  stout  Hudibras,  530 

In  all  his  feats  of  arms,  when  least 

He  dreamt  of  it,  to  prosper  best. 

So  now  he  far'd  :  the  shot  let  fly, 

At  random,  'mong  the  enemy, 

Pierc'd  Talgol's  gaberdine.t  and  grazing  535 

Upon  his  shoulder,  ia  the  passing 

Lodg'd  in  Magnano's  brass  habergeon,t 


*  Oliver  Cromwell  ordered  his  soldiers  to  reserve  their  fire 
till  they  were  near  enough  the  enemy  to  be  sure  of  doing  exe- 
cution. 

t  An  old  French  word  for  a  smock  frock,  or  co.irse  coat. 

t  Habergeon,  a  diminutive  of  the  French  word  hauberg,  a 
breastplate  ;  and  derived  from  [the  German]  hals,  collum,  and 
bergen  seu  pergen,  tegere.  See  Chaucer.  Here  it  signifies  the 
tinker's  budget. 

7 


146  HUDIBRAS.  [Part 

Who  straight,  A  surgeon  cry'd — a  surgeon  ! 

He  tumbled  down,  and,  as  he  fell. 

Did  murder !  murder !  murder !  yell.*  54C 

This  startled  their  whole  body  so. 

That  if  the  Knight  had  not  let  go 

His  arms,  but  been  in  warlike  plight, 

H'  had  won,  the  second  time,  the  fight ; 

As,  if  the  Squire  had  but  fall'n  on,  545 

He  had  inevitably  done  : 

But  he,  diverted  with  the  care 

Of  Hudibras  his  wound,  forbare 

To  press  th'  advantage  of  his  fortune. 

While  danger  did  the  rest  dishearten.  550 

For  he  with  Cerdon  b'ing  engag'd 

In  close  encounter,  they  both  wag'd 

The  fight  so  well,  'twas  hard  to  say 

Which  side  was  like  to  get  the  day. 

And  now  the  busy  work  of  death  555 

Mad  tir'd  them  so  they  'greed  to  breathe, 

Preparing  to  renew  the  fight, 

When  th'  hard  disaster  of  the  knight, 

And  th'  other  party,  did  divert 

And  force  their  sullen  rage  to  part.  560 

Ralpho  press'd  up  to  Hudibras, 

And  Cerdon  where  Magnano  was. 

Each  striving  to  confirm  his  party 

With  stout  encouragements  and  hearty. 

Quoth  Ralpho,  Courage,  valiant  Sir,  565 

And  let  revenge  and  honour  stir 
Your  spirits  up  ;  once  more  fall  on. 
The  shatter'd  foe  begins  to  run : 
For  if  but  half  s.o  well  you  knew 
To  use  your  vict'ry  as  subdue,t  570 

■  They  durst  not,  after  such  a  blow 
As  you  have  giv'n  them,  face  us  now ; 


*  To  howl  or  use  a  lamentable  cry,  from  the  Greek,  IdXtnc; 
or  ^XoXti^u,  ejulo,  a  mournful  song  used  at  funerals,  and  prac 
tised  to  this  day  in  some  parts  of  Ireland,  and  the  highlands  of 
Scotland. 

t  This  perhaps  has  some  reference  to  Prince  Rupert,  who  was 
generally  successful  at  his  first  onset,  but  lost  his  advantage  by 
too  long  a  pursuit.  Echard,  vol.  ii.  p.  480.  The  same  is  said  of 
Hannibal,  Floras,  lib.  ii.  cap.  6.  Dubium  deinde  non  erat,  qnin 
ultinium  ilium  diem  habitura  fuerit  Roma  quintumque  intra 
diem  epulari  Annibal  in  capitoliopotuerit,  si  (quodPoenuni  ilium 
dixisse  Adherbalem  Bomilcaris  ferunt)  Annibal  guemadmodum 
tciret  vincere,  sic  uti  victorinscisset.  Caesar  said  the  same  ol 
Pompey.    Sueton.  in  Vita. 


Canto  iu.]  HUDIBRAS.  147 

But  from  so  formidable  a  soldier, 

Had  fled  like  crows  when  they  smell  powder. 

Thrice  have  they  seen  your  sword  aloft  575 

Wav'd  o'er  their  heads,  and  fled  as  oft : 

But  if  you  let  them  recollect 

Their  spirits,  now  dismay'd  and  check'd, 

You'll  have  a  harder  game  to  play 

Than  yet  y'  have  had,  to  get  the  day.  5fe0 

Thus  spoke  the  stout  Squire  ;  but  was  heard 
By  Hudibras  with  small  regard. 
His  thoughts  were  fuller  of  the  bang 
He  lately  took,  than  Ralph's  harangue ; 
To  which  he  answer'd,  Cruel  fate  585 

Tells  me  thy  counsel  comes  too  late, 
The  clotted  blood  within  my  hose,* 
That  from  my  wounded  body  flows, 
With  mortal  crisis  doth  portend 

My  days  to  appropinquet  an  end.  590 

I  am  for  action  now  unfit, 
.    Either  of  fortitude  or  wit ; 

Fortune,  my  foe,  begins  to  frown, 

Resolv'd  to  pull  my  stomach  down. 

I  am  not  apt,  upon  a  wound,  595 

Or  trivial  basting,  to  dispoud  ; 

Yet  I'd  be  loath  my  days  to  curtail ; 

For  if  I  thought  my  wounds  not  mortal, 

Or  that  w'  had  time  enough  as  yet 

To  make  an  honourable  retreat,  COO 

'Twere  the  best  course  ;  but  if  they  find 

We  fly,  and  leave  our  arms  behind 

For  them  to  seize  on,  the  dishonour. 

And  danger  too,  is  such,  I'll  sooner 

Stand  to  it  boldly,  and  take  quarter,  605 

To  let  them  see  I  am  no  starter. 

In  all  the  trade  of  war  no  feat 

Is  nobler  than  a  brave  retreat : 

For  those  that  run  away,  and  fly. 

Take  place  at  least  o'  th'  enemy.  010 

This  said,  the  Squire,  with  active  speed. 
Dismounted  from  his  bonyt  steed 
To  seize  the  arms,  which  by  mischance 
Fell  from  the  bold  Knight  in  a  trance. 


*  In  some  editions — the  knotted  Mood. 

t  One  of  the  knight's  hard  words,  signifying  to  approach,  or 
draw  near  to. 
t  In  some  editions  it  is  bonvy,  but  I  prefer  the  reading  of  1C78. 


148  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  i. 

These*being  found  out,  and  restor'd  SIS 

To  Hudibras,  their  natural  lord, 

The  active  Squire,  with  might  and  main, 

Prepar'd  in  haste  to  mount  again. 

Thrice  he  assay'd  to  mount  aloft ; 

But  by  his  weighty  bum,  as  oft  62C 

He  was  pull'd  back  ;  'till  having  found 

Th'  advantage  of  the  rising  ground, 

Thither  he  led  his  warlike  steed. 

And  having  plac'd  him  right,  with  speed 

Prepar'd  again  to  scale  the  beast,  623 

When  Orsin,  who  had  newly  drest 

The  bloody  scar  upon  the  shoulder 

Of  Talgol,  with  Promethean  powder,* 

And  now  was  searching  for  the  shot 

That  laid  Magnano  on  the  spot,  630 

Behind  the  sturdy  Squire  aforesaid 

Preparing  to  climb  up  his  horse-side  ; 

He  left  his  cure,  and  laying  hold 

Upon  his  arms,  with  courage  bold 

Cry'd  out,  'Tis  now  no  time  to  dally,  635 

The  enemy  begin  to  rally : 

Let  us  that  are  unhurt  and  whole 

Fall  on,  and  happy  man  he's  dole.t 

This  said,  like  to  a  thunderbolt, 
He  flew  with  fury  to  th'  assault,  640 

Striving  the  enemy  to  attack 
Before  he  reach'd  his  horse's  back. 
Ralpho  was  mounted  now,  and  gotten 
O'erthwart  his  beast  with  active  vaulting, 
Wriggling  his  body  to  recover  645 

His  seat,  and  cast  his  right  leg  over ; 
When  Orsin,  rushing  in,  bestow'd 
On  horse  and  man  so  heavy  a  load. 
The  beast  was  startled,  and  begun 


*  See  canto  ii.  v.  225. — In  a  long  enumeralion  of  his  several 
beneficent  inventions,  Prometheus,  in  jEschylus,  boasts  espe- 
cially of  his  coniniunicating  to  mankind  the  knowledge  of  medi- 
cines. 

eStt^a  Kpdacii  flKiij)v  aKtHjidTtav 
ali  ras  aitdaai  i^a/ivviavTai  v6(TV{. 

.iEsch.  Pronieth.  vinct.  v.  491,  ed.  Blomf. 

t  See  Shakspeare,  Taming  the  Shrew,  Act  i.  sc.  1,  and  Win 
ter's  Tale,  Act  i.  sc.  2. 

Dole,  from  daelan,  to  distribute,  signifies  the  shares  formerly 
given  at  funerals  and  other  occasions.  May  happiness  be  his 
share  or  lot.  May  the  lot  of  the  happy  man  be  his.  As  we  say 
of  a  person  at  the  point  of  death,  God  rest  his  soul. 


l,ANTO  III.]  HUDIBRAS.  149 

To  kick  and  fling  like  mad,  and  run,  650 

Bearing  tlie  tough  Squire,  like  a  sack, 

Or  etout  king  Richard,  on  his  back  ;* 

'Till  stumbling,  he  threw  him  down,t 

Sore  bruis'd,  and  cast  into  a  swoon. 

Meanwhile  the  Knight  began  to  rouse  C55 

The  sparkles  of  his  wonted  prowess  ; 

He  thrust  his  hand  into  his  hose, 

And  found,  both  by  his  eyes  and  nose, 

'Twas  only  choler,  and  not  blood, 

That  from  his  wounded  body  flow'd.f  660 

This,  with  the  hazard  of  the  Squire, 

Enflam'd  him  with  despightfiil  ire  ; 

Courageously  he  fac'd  about. 

And  drew  his  other  pistol  out, 

And  now  had  half-way  bent  the  cock,  665 

When  Cerdon  gave  so  fierce  a  shock, 

With  sturdy  truncheon,  'thwart  his  arm, 

That  down  it  fell,  and  did  no  harm  : 

Then  stoutly  pressing  on  with  speed, 

Assay'd  to  pull  him  off  his  steed,  670 

The  knight  his  sword  had  only  left. 

With  which  he  Cerdon's  head  had  cleft, 

Or  at  the  least  crept  off  a  limb. 

But  Orsin  came  and  rescu'd  him. 

He  with  his  lance  attack'd  the  Knight  675 

Upon  his  quarters  opposite. 

But  as  a  bark,  that  in  foul  weather, 

Toss'd  by  two  adverse  winds  together. 

Is  bruis'd  and  beaten  to  and  fro, 

And  knows  not  which  to  turn  him  to  :  680 

So  far'd  the  Knight  between  two  foes. 

And  knew  not  which  of  them  t'  oppose  ; 

'Till  Orsin  charging  with  his  lance 

At  Hudibras,  by  spightful  chance 

Hit  Cerdon  such  a  bang,  as  stunn'd  685 

And  laid  him  flat  upon  the  ground. 

At  this  the  Knight  began  to  cheer  up. 


*  After  the  battle  of  Bosworth-field,  the  body  of  Richard  III 
was  stripped,  and  in  an  ignominious  manner  laid  across  a 
horse's  back  lilie  a  slaughtered  deer  ;  his  head  and  arms  hang- 
ing on  one  side,  and  his  legs  on  the  other,  besmeared  with  blood 
and  dirt. 

t  We  must  here  read  stumlilcing,  to  make  three  syllables,  as 
in  verse  770  Iighte7iing,  so  in  875  read  sarcasmes  ;  or,  perhaps, 
we  may  read  stumbeling,  sarcasems,  &c. 

t  The  delicate  reader  will  easily  guess  what  is  here  intended 
by  the  word  choler. 


150  HUDIBRAS.  1  Part  i 

And  raising  up  himself  on  stirrup, 

Cry'd  out,  Victoria  !  lie  thou  there,* 

And  I  shall  straight  dispatch  another,  69C 

To  bear  thee  company  in  death  :t 

But  first  I'll  halt  awhile,  and  breathe. 

As  well  he  might :  for  Orsin  griev'd 

At  th'  wound  that  Cerdon  had  receiv'd. 

Ran  to  relieve  him  with  his  lore,  695 

And  cure  the  hurt  he  made  before. 

Meanwhile  the  Knight  had  wheel'd  about, 

To  breathe  himself,  and  next  find  out 

Th'  advantage  of  the  ground,  where  best 

He  might  tho  ruffled  foe  infest.  700 

This  being  resolv'd,  he  spurr'd  his  steed, 

To  run  at  Orsin  with  full  speed. 

While  he  was  busy  in  the  care 

Of  Cerdon 's  wound,  and  unaware  : 

But  he  was  quick,  and  had  already  705 

Unto  the  part  apply'd  remedy  ; 

And  seeing  th'  enemy  prepar'd, 

Drew  up,  and  stood  upon  his  guard : 

Then,  like  a  warrior,  right  expert 

And  skilful  in  the  martial  art,  710 

The  subtle  Knight  straight  made  a  halt, 

And  judg'd  it  best  to  stay  th'  assault, 

Until  he  had  reliev'd  the  Squire, 

And  then,  in  order,  to  retire  ; 

Or,  as  occasion  should  invite,  715 

With  forces  join'd  renew  the  fight. 

Ralpho,  by  this  time  disentranc'd, 

TTpon  his  bum  himself  advanc'd. 

Though  sorely  bruis'd  ;  his  limbs  all  o'er, 

With  ruthless  bangs  were  stiff  and  sore  ;  720 

Right  fain  he  would  have  got  upon 

His  feet  again,  to  get  him  gone  ; 

When  Hudibras  to  aid  him  came. 

Quoth  he,  and  call'd  him  by  his  name. 

Courage,  the  day  at  length  is  ours,  725 

And  we  once  more  as  conquerors,  • 

Have  both  the  field  and  honour  won, 

The  foe  is  profligate,  and  run  ; 

*  Thus  Virgil  and  Homer  : 

Hesperian!  metire  jacens.    JEn.  xii.  360. 

Istic  nunc,  metuende,  jace.    jEn.  x.  557. 

'EiTaufloi  vvv  Kiiao.  II.   $.  122. 
t  This  is  a  banter  upon  some  of  the  speeches  in  Homex. 


Canto  iu.]  HUDIBRAS.  151 

I  mear  all  such  as  can,  for  some 

This  lyand  hath  sent  to  their  long  home  ;  730 

And  some  lie  sprawling  on  the  ground, 

With  many  a  gash  and  bloody  wound. 

Caesar  himself  could  never  say. 

He  got  two  vict'ries  in  a  day, 

As  I  have  done,  that  can  say,  twice  I,  735 

In  one  day,  veni,  vidi,  vici.* 

The  foe's  so  numerous,  that  we 

Cannot  so  often  vineere,t 

And  they  perire,  and  yet  enow 

Be  left  to  strike  an  after-blow.  740 

Then,  lest  they  rally,  and  once  more 

Put  us  to  fight  the  bus'ness  o'er. 

Get  up  and  mount  thy  steed  ;  dispatch, 

And  let  us  both  their  motions  watch. 

Quoth  Ralph,  I  should  not,  if  I  were  745 

In  case  for  action,  now  be  here  ; 
Nor  have  I  turn'd  my  back,  or  hang'd 
An  arse,  for  fear  of  being  bang'd. 
It  was  for  you  I  got  these  harms, 
Advent'ring  to  fetch  off  your  arms.  750 

The  blows  and  drubs  I  have  receiv'd 
Have  bruised  my  body,  and  bereav'd 
My  limbs  of  strength  :  unless  you  stoop, 
And  reach  your  hand  to  pull  me  up, 
I  shall  lie  here,  and  be  a  prey  755 

To  those  who  now  are  run  away. 

That  thou  shalt  not,  quoth  Hudibras : 
We  read,  the  ancients  held  it  was 
More  honourable  far  servare 

Civem,  than  slay  an  adversary  ;  760 

The  one  we  oft'  to-day  have  done. 
The  other  shall  dispatch  anon  : 
And  tho'  th'art  of  a  dilF'rent  church, 
I  will  not  leave  thee  iu  the  luich.t 
This  said,  he  jogg'd  his  good  steed  nigher,  765 


*  The  favorite  terms  by  which  Csesar  described  his  victory 
over  Pharnaces.  In  his  consequent  triumph  at  Eome,  these 
words,  (translated  thus  Into  English,  I  came,  I  saw,  I  overcame,) 
were  painted  on  a  tablet  and  carried  before  him.  See  Plutarch's 
Life  of  Julius  Cssar. 

t  A  great  general,  being  informed  that  his  enemies  were  very 
numerous,  replied,  then  there  are  enough  to  be  killed,  enough 
to  be  taken  prisoners,  and  enough  to  run  away. 

t  This  is  a  sneer  at  the  Independents,  who,  when  they  had 
gotten  possession  of  the  government,  deserted  their  old  allies, 
Ihe  Presbyterians,  and  treated  them  with  great  hauteur  ' 


152  HUDIBRAa.  [Part  i. 

And  steer'd  him  gently  toward  the  Squire  ; 

Then  bowing  down  his  body,  stretch'd 

His  hand  out,  and  at  a  Ralpho  reacli'd  ; 

"When  Trulla,  whom  he  did  not  mind, 

Charg'd  him  hke  lightning  behind.  770 

She  had  been  long  in  search  about 

Magnano's  wound,  to  find  it  out ; 

But  could  find  none,  nor  where  the  shot 

That  had  so  startled  him  was  got  • 

But  having  found  the  worst  was  past,  775 

She  fell  to  her  own  work  at  last. 

The  pillage  of  the  prisoners, 

Which  in  all  feats  of  arms  was  hers : 

And  now  to  plunder  Ralph  she  flew, 

When  Hudibras  his  hard  fate  drew  -  "         780 

To  succour  him  ;  for,  as  he  bow'd 

To  help  him  up,  she  laid  a  load 

Of  blows  so  heavy,  and  plac'd  so  well, 

On  til'  other  side,  that  down  he  fell. 

Yield,  scoundrel  base,  quoth  she,  or  die,  785 

Thy  life  is  mine,  and  liberty  : 
But  if  thou  think'st  I  took  thee  tardy. 
And  dar'st  presume  to  be  so  hardy, 
To  try  thy  fortune  o'er  afresh, 

I'll  wave  my  title  to  thy  flesh,  'J90 

Thy  arms  and  baggage,  now  my  right : 
And  if  thou  hast  the  heart  to  try't, 
I'll  lend  thee  back  thyself  awhile,* 
And  once  more,  for  that  carcase  vile, 
Fight  upon  tick. — Quoth  Hudibras,  795 

Thou  offer'st  nobly,  valiant  lass, 
And  I  shall  take  thee  at  thy  word. 
First  let  me  rise,  and  take  my  sword  ; 
That  sword,  which  has  so  oft  this  day 
Through  squadrons  of  my  foes  made  way,  800 

And  some  to  other  worlds  dispatch'd, 
Now  with  a  feeble  spinster  match'd. 
Will  blush  with  blood  ignoble  stain'd. 
By  which  no  honour's  to  be  gain'd.t 


*  Charles  XIT.,  king  of  Sweden,  having  taken  a  town  from 
the  dnke  of  Saxony,  then  king  of  Poland,  the  dnke  intimated 
that  there  must  have  been  treachery  in  the  case.  On  which 
Charles  offered  to  restore  the  town,  replace  the  garrison,  and 
then  tiike  it  by  storm. 

X  Nullum  memorabile  nnmen 

Foeminea  in  poena  est,  nee  habot  victoria  laudem. 

Virg.  iEneid.  ii.  584. 


Canto  m.]  HUDIBRAS.  153 

But  if  thou'It  take  m'  advice  in  this,  805 

Consider,  while  thou  may'st,  what  'tis 

To  intenupt  a  victor's  course, 

B'  opposing  such  a  trivial  force. 

For  if  with  conquest  I  come  off, 

And  that  I  shall  do  sure  enough,  Bit 

Quarter  thou  canst  not  have,  uor  gracOi 

By  law  of  anns,  in  such  a  case  ; 

Both  which  I  now  do  offer  freely. 

I  scorn,  quoth  she,  thou  coxcomb  silly. 
Clapping  her  hand  upon  her  breech,  815 

To  shew  how  much  she  priz'd  his  speech, 
Quarter  or  counsel  from  a  foe : 
If  thou  canst  force  me  to  it,  do. 
But  lest  it  should  again  be  said. 
When  I  have  once  more  won  thy  head,  820 

I  took  thee  napping,  unprepar'd, 
Arm,  and  betake  thee  to  thy  guard. 

This  said,  she  to  her  tackle  fell, 
And  on  the  Knight  let  fall  a  peal 
Of  blows  so  fierce,  and  prest  so  home,  825 

That  he  retir'd,  and  follow'd's  bum. 
Stand  to't,  quoth  she,  or  yield  to  mercy. 
It  is  not  fighting  arsie-versie* 
Shall  serve  thy  turn. — This  stirr'd  his  spleen 
More  than  the  danger  he  was  in,  830 

The  blows  he  felt,  or  was  to  feel. 
Although  th'  already  made  him  reel. 
Honour,  despight,  revenge,  and  shame, 
At  once  into  his  stomach  came  ; 
Which  fir'd  it  so,  he  rais'd  his  arm  835 

Above  his  head,  and  rain'd  a  storm 
Of  blows  so  terrible  and  thick, 
As  if  he  meant  to  hash  her  quick. 
But  she  upon  her  truncheon  took  them. 
And  by  oblique  diversion  broke  them  ;  840 

,      Waiting  an  opportunity 

To  pay  all  back  with  usiuy. 

Which  long  she  fail'd  not  of ;  for  now 

The  Knight,  with  one  dead-doing  blow, 

Resolving  to  decide  the  fight,  845 

And  she  v/ith  quick  and  cunning  slight 

*  That  is,  iiTTepov  TrpCrepov,  wronj;  end  foremost,  bottom  up- 
ward: but  it  originally  signified  averte  ignem,  Tuscorum  lingua, 
Arse  averte,  verse  ignem  constat  appellari:  unde,  Afranius  ait, 
inscribat  aliquis  in  ostio  arse  verse.  S.  Pompeius  Festus  de 
verborum  significatione,  p.  18. 


154  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  i 

Avoiding  it,  the  force  and  weight 

He  charg'd  upon  it  was  so  great, 

As  almost  sway'd  him  to  the  ground ; 

No  sooner  she  th'  advantage  found,  850 

But  in  she  flew  ;  and  seconding. 

With  home-made  thrust,  the  heavy  swing, 

She  laid  him  flat  upon  his  side. 

And  mounting  on  his  trunk  astride, 

Quoth  she,  I  told  thee  what  would  come  355 

Of  all  thy  vapouring,  base  scum. 

Say,  will  the  law  of  arms  allow  • 

I  inay  have  grace,  and  quarter  now  ? 

Or  wilt  thou  rather  break  thy  word, 

And  stain  thine  honour,  than  thy  sword  ?  8G0 

A  man  of  war  to  damn  his  soul. 

In  basely  breaking  his  parole. 

And  when  before  the  fight,  th'hadst  vowed 

To  give  no  quarter  in  cold  blood  ; 

Now  thou  hast  got  me  for  a  Tartar,*  865 

To  make  m'  against  my  will  take  quarter  ; 


*  The  Tartars  had  much  rather  die  in  battle  than  take  quarter. 
Hence  the  proverb,  Thou  hast  caught  a  Tartar. — A  man  catches 
a  Tartar  when  he  falls  into  his  own  trap,  or  having  a  design 
upon  another,  is  caught  himself. 

Help,  help,  cries  one,  I  have  caught  a  Tartar.  Bring  him 
along,  answers  his  comrade.  He  will  not  come,  says  he.  Then 
come  without  him,  quoth  the  other.  But  he  will  not  let  me, 
says  the  Tartar-catcher.  I  have  somewhere  read  the  following 
Unes: 

Seres  inter  nationemque  Tartaram 
Flagrabat  bellum,  fortiter  vero  praslians 
Ter  ipse  manu  propria  Tartarum  occupans. 
Extemplo  exclamat — Tartarum  prehendi  manu  ; 
Venial  ad  me.  Dux  inquit  exercitus, 
At  se  venire  velle  Tartarus  negat: 
At  tecum  ducas  illico — sed  non  vult  sequi, 
Tu  solus  venias — Vellem,  sed  non  me  sinit. 
Plautus  has  an  expression  not  much  unlike  this, — potitus  est 
hostium,  to  signify  he  was  taken  prisoner. — Mr.  Peck,  see  New 
Memoirs  of  Milton's  Life,  p.  237,  explains  it  in  a  ditFerent  man- 
ner.   "  Bajazet,"  says  he,  "  was  taken  prisoner  by  Tamerlane, 
"who,  when  he  first  saw  him,  generously  asked,  'Now,  sir,  if 
" '  you  had  taken  me  prisoner,  as  I  have  you,  tell  me,  I  pray, 
"  '  what  you  would  have  done  with  me  V    '  If  I  had  taken  you 
"'prisoner,'  said  the  foolish  Turk,  'I  would  have  thrust  you 
"  '  under  the  table  when  I  did  eat,  to  gather  up  the  crumbs  with 
"  '  the  dogs  ;  when  I  rode  out,  I  would  have  made  your  neck  a 
"'horsing-block;  and  when  I  travelled,  you  also  should  have 
"'  been  carried  along  with  me  in  an  iron  cage,  for  every  fool  to 
'  hoot  and  shout  at.'    '  1  thought  to  have  used  you  better,'  said 
the  gallant  Tamerlane  ;  '  but  since  you  intended  to  have  served 
• '  me  thus,  you  have'  {caught  a  Tartar,  for  hence  I  reckon  came 
^  that  proverb)  'justly  pronounced  yotir  doom.'  " 


Canto  hi.]  HUDIBRAS.  155 

Why  dost  not  put  me  to  the  sword, 
But  cowardly  fly  from  thy  word  ? 

Quoth  Hudibras,  The  day's  thine  own  ; 
Thou  and  thy  stars  have  cast  me  down:  87b 

My  laurels  are  transplanted  now, 
And  flourish  on  thy  conqu'ring  brow : 
My  loss  of  honour's  great  enough, 
Thou  needst  not  brand  it  with  a  scofi": 
Sarcasms  may  eclipse  thine  own,  875 

But  cannot  blur  my  lost  renown : 
I  am  not  now  in  fortune's  power. 
He  that  is  down  can  fall  no  lower.* 
The  ancient  heroes  were  illustr'ous 
For  being  benign,  and  not  blust'rous  880 

Against  a  vanquish'd  foe :  their  swords 
Were  sharp  and  trenchant,  not  their  words ; 
And  did  in  fight  but  cut  work  out 
T'  employ  their  courtesies  about.t 

Quoth  she,  Altho'  thou  hast  deserv'd,  885 

Base  Slubberdegullion,1:  to  be  serv'd 
As  thou  didst  vow  to  deal  with  me. 
If  thou  hadst  got  the  victory  ; 
Yet  I  should  rather  act  a  part 

That  suits  my  fame,  than  thy  desert.  890 

Thy  arms,  thy  liberty,  beside 
All  that's  on  th'  outside  of  thy  hide, 
Are  mine  by  military  law,^ 
Of  which  I  will  not  bate  one  straw ; 
The  rest  thy  life  and  limbs,  once  more,  895 

Though  doubly  forfeit,  I  restore. 

*  Qui  decumbit  humi,  non  habet  unde  cadat. 

T  See  Cleveland,  p.  ]44,  in  his  letter  to  the  Protector.  "The 
"  most  renowned  heroes  have  ever  with  such  tenderness  cher- 
"  ished  their  captives,  that  their  swords  did  but  cut  out  work  for 
"  their  courtesies."    Tlius  Ovid : 

Q.UO  quis  enim  major,  niagis  est  placabilis  iroe 
Et  faciles  niotus  mens  generosa  capit. 
And  again  the  same : 

Corpora  magnanimo  satis  est  prostrasse  leoni 
Pugna  suum  finem,  cum  jacet  hostis,  habet. 

Ovid.  Trist.  lib.  iii. 
t  That  is,  a  drivelling  fool :  to  slubber,  or  slabber,  in  Uritish, 
is  to  drivel ;  in  the  Teutonic,  it  signifies  to  slip  or  slide,  and  so 
metaphorically  to  do  a  thing  ill  or  faultily,  or  negligently;  and 
gul,  or  gullion,  the  diminutive,  a  fool,  or  person  easily  imposed 
upon. 

^  In  public  duels  all  horses,  pieces  of  broken  armor,  or  other 
furniture  that  fell  to  the  ground,  after  the  combatants  entered 
the  lists,  were  the  feeti  of  the  marshal. 


156  HUDIBRAS,  [Part  x 

Quoth  Hudibras,  It  is  too  late 
For  me  to  treat  or  stipulate  ; 
What  thou  command'st  I  must  obey ; 
Yet  those  whom  I  expugn'd  to-day,  901 

Of  thine  own  party,  I  let  go, 
And  gave  them  hfe  and  freedom  too. 
Both  dogs  and  bear,  upon  tiieir  parol. 
Whom  I  took  pris'ners  m  this  quarrel. 

Quoth  TruUa,  Whether  thou  or  they  905 

Let  one  another  run  away, 
Concerns  not  me ;  but  was't  not  thou 
That  gave  Crowdero  quarter  too  ? 
Crowdero,  whom  in  irons  bound. 
Thou  basely  threw'st  into  Lob's  pound,*  91tf 

Where  still  he  lies,  and  with  regret 
His  generous  bowels  rage  and  fret : 
But  now  thy  carcase  shall  redeem, 
And  serve  to  be  exchang'd  for  him. 

Tliis  said,  the  Knight  did  straight  submit,  915 

And  laid  his  weapons  at  her  feet : 
Next  he  disrob'd  his  gaberdine, 
And  with  it  did  himself  resign. 
She  took  it,  and  forthwith  divesting 
The  mantle  that  she  wore,  said,  jesting,  920 

Take  that,  and  wear  it  for  my  sake  ; 
Then  threw  it  oVr  his  sturdy  back  : 
And  as  the  French,  we  conquer'd  once, 
Now  give  us  laws  for  pantaloons. 
The  length  of  breeches,  and  the  gathers,  925 

Port-cannons,  perriwigs,  and  feathers,t 


*  A  v\ilgar  expression  for  any  place  of  confinement,  particu- 
larly the  stocks. — Dr.  Grey  mentions  a  story  of  Mr.  Lob,  a 
preacher  among  the  dissenters.  When  their  meetings  were 
prohibited,  he  contrived  a  trap-door  in  his  pulpit,  which  led, 
through  many  darl<  windings,  into  a  cellar.  His  adversaries 
once  pursued  him  into  these  recesses,  and,  groping  about,  said 
one  to  another,  that  they  were  got  into  Lob's  pound. 

This  gentleman,  or  one  of  the  same  name  and  callinsr,  is  men- 
tioned by  Mr.  Prior,  in  his  epistle  to  Fleetwood  Shephardi 
esquire : 

po  at  pure  barn  of  loud  non-con, 
Where  with  my  granam  I  have  gone, 
When  Lobb  had  sifted  all  his  te.xt, 
And  I  well  hop'd  the  pudding  next, 
"Now  to  apply,"  has  plaga'd  me  more 
Thau  all  his  villain  cant  before. 
[Wassinger  has  the  phrase,  fDuke  of  Milan,  A  iii.  sc.  %)  but 
not  in  the  sense  of  a  place  of,  at  least  permanent,  confinement.] 
t  <lur  successful  battles  in  France  have  always  been  men- 
tioned with  pleasure ;  and  we  seem  at  no  time  to  have  been 


Canto  in.]  HUDIBRAS.  157 

Just  so  the  proud,  insulting  lass 
Array "d  and  dighted  Hudibms.* 

Meanwhile  the  other  champions,  yerstt 
In  hurry  of  the  fight  disperst,  930 

Arriv'd,  when  Trulla'd  won  the  day, 
To  share  in  th'  honour  and  the  prey, 
And  out  of  Hudibras  his  hide, 
With  vengeance  to  bo  satisfy'd  ; 
Which  now  they  were  about  to  pour  935 

Upon  him  in  a  wooden  show'r : 


averse  to  the  French  fashions.  Pantaloons  were  a  kind  of 
loose  breeches,  cnnin:ionly  made  of  silk,  and  puffed,  which  gov 
ered  the  legs,  thighs,  and  part  of  the  body.  They  are  represent- 
ed in  some  of  Vandyke's  pictures,  and  may  be  seen  in  the  harle- 
quin entertainments.  Port-cannons,  were  ornaments  about  the 
knees  of  the  breeches ;  they  were  grown  to  such  e.xcess  in 
France,  that  Moliere  was  thought  to  have  done  good  service,  by 
laughing  them  out  of  fashion.  Mr.  Butler,  in  his  Genuine  Re- 
mains, vol.  ii.  p.  83,  says  of  the  huffing  courtier,  he  walks  in  his 
Porl-cannons  like  one  that  stalks  in  long  grass.  In  his  Genuine 
Remains,  our  poet  often  derides  the  violent  imitation  of  French 
fashions.  In  the  second  volume  is  a  satire  entirely  on  this  sub- 
ject, which  was  a  very  proper  object  of  ridicule,  as  after  the 
Restoration,  not  only  the  politics  of  the  court  led  to  it,  but,  like- 
wise, an  earnest  desire  among  the  old  cavaliers  of  avoiding  the 
formal  and  precise  gravity  of  the  times  immediately  preceding. 
In  the  Pindaric  Ode  to  the  memory  of  Du  Val,  a  poem  allowed 
to  be  written  by  our  author: 

In  France,  the  staple  of  new  modes, 
Where  garbs  and  miens  are  current  goods, 
That  serves  the  ruder  northern  nations, 
With  methods  of  address  and  treat, 
Prescribes  new  garnitures  and  fashions, 
And  how  to  drink,  and  how  to  eat, 
No  out  of  fashion  wine  or  meat ; 
Conform  their  palates  to  the  mode, 
And  relish  that,  and  not  the  food  ; 
And,  rather  than  transgress  the  rule, 
Eat  kitchen-stuff,  and  stinking  fowl ; 
For  that  which  we  call  stinking  here, 
Is  but  piquant,  and  haut-gout,  there. 

Perriwigs  were  brought  from  France  about  the  latter  end  of 
the  reign  of  James  the  First,  but  not  much  in  use  till  after  the 
Restoration. 

At  first,  they  were  of  an  immense  size  in  large  flowing  curls, 
as  we  see  them  in  eternal  buckles  in  Westminster  Abbey,  and 
on  other  monuments.  Lord  Bolingbroke  is  said  to  be  the  first 
who  tied  them  up  in  knots,  as  the  counsellors  wore  them  some 
time  ago  :  this  was  esteemed  so  great  an  undress,  that  when  his 
lordship  first  went  to  court  in  a  wig  of  this  fashion,  queen  Anne 
was  offended,  and  said  to  those  about  her,  "  this  man  will  come 
"  to  me  next  court-day  in  his  night-cap." 

*  Dighted,  from  the  Anglo-Saxon  word  digtan,  to  dress,  fit 
out,  polish. 

t  Erst,  adverb,  superlative  degree,  i.  e.  first,  from  er,  before 


158  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  i. 

But  TruUa  thrust  herself  between, 

And  striding  o'er  his  back  ageu, 

Sl)e  braudish'd  o'er  her  head  his  sword, 

And  vow'd  they  should  not  break  her  word  ;  940 

Sh'  had  given  him  quarter,  and  her  blood. 

Or  theirs,  should  make  that  quarter  good. 

For  she  was  bound,  by  law  of  arms, 

To  see  him  safe  from  further  harms. 

In  dungeon  deep  Crowdero  cast  945 

By  Hudibras,  as  yet  lay  fast. 

Where  to  the  hard  and  ruthless  stones,* 

His  great  heart  made  perpetual  moans  ; 

Him  she  resolv'd  that  Hudibras 

Should  ransom,  and  supply  his  place.  950 

This  stopp'd  their  fury,  and  the  basting 
Which  toward  Hudibras  was  hasting. 
They  thought  it  was  but  j  ust  and  right. 
That  what  she  had  achiev'd  in  fight. 
She  should  dispose  of  how  she  pleas'd  ;  955 

Crowdero  ought  to  be  releas'd  : 
Nor  could  tiiat  any  way  be  done 
So  well,  as  this  she  pitch'd  upon  : 
For  who  a  better  could  imagine  ? 
This  therefore  they  resolv'd  t'  engage  in.  960 

The  Knight  and  Squire  first  they  made 
Rise  from  the  ground  where  they  were  laid. 
Then  mounted  both  upon  their  horses, 
But  with  their  faces  to  the  arses. 
Orsin  led  Hudibras's  beast,  965 

And  Talgol  that  which  Ralpho  prest ; 
Whom  stout  Magnano,  valiant  Cerdon, 
And  Colon,  waited  as  a  guard  on  ; 
All  ush'ring  Trulla,  in  the  rear, 

With  th'  arms  of  either  prisoner.  970 

In  this  proud  order  and  array, 
They  put  themselves  upon  their  way. 
Striving  to  reach  th'  enchanted  Castle, 
Where  stout  Crowdero  in  durance  lay  still. 
Thither  with  greater  speed  than  shows,  9*5 

And  triumph  over  conquer'd  foes. 
Do  use  t'  allow  ;  or  than  the  bears. 
Or  pageants  born  before  lord-mayors,t 


*  Thus  Virgil : 

Mor.tibus  et  silvis  studio  jactabat  inani. 
t  I  believe  at  the  lord-mayor's  show,  bears  were  led  in  proces- 
sion, and  aftftrwards  baited  for  the  diversion  of  the  populace. 


Canto  m.]  HUDIBRAS.  15§ 

Are  wont  to  use,  they  soon  arriv'd, 

In  order,  soldier-like  contriv'd :  980 

Still  marching  in  a  warlike  posture, 

As  fit  for  battle,  as  for  muster. 

Tje  Knight  and  Squire  they  first  unhorse. 

And,  bending  'gainst  the  fort  their  force, 

They  all  advanc'd,  and  round  about  985 

Begirt  the  magical  redoubt. 

Magnan'  led  up  in  this  adventure, 

And  made  way  for  the  rest  to  enter  : 

For  he  was  skilful  in  black  art. 

No  less  than  he  that  built  the  fort,*  990 

And  with  an  iron  mace  laid  flat 

A  breach,  which  straight  all  enter'd  at, 

And  in  the  wooden  dungeon  found 

Crowdero  laid  upon  the  ground  ; 

Him  they  release  from  durance  base,  995 

Restor'd  t'  his  fiddle  and  his  case, 

And  liberty,  his  thirsty  rage 

With  luscious  vengeance  to  assuage  ; 

For  he  no  sooner  was  at  largo, 

But  Trulla  straight  brought  on  the  charge,  1000 

And  in  the  self-same  limbo  put 

The  Knight  and  Squire,  where  he  was  shut ; 

Where  leaving  them  i'  th'  wretched  hole,t 

Their  bangs  and  durance  to  condole, 

Confin'd  and  conjur'd  into  narrow  1005 

Enchanted  mansion,  to  know  sorrow, 

In  the  same  order  and  array 

Which  they  advanc'd,  they  march'd  away  : 

But  Hudibras,  who  sconi'd  to  stoop 

To  fortune,  or  be  said  to  droop,  1010 

Cheer'd  up  himself  with  ends  of  verse. 

And  sayings  of  philosophers. 

Quoth  he,  Th'  one  half  of  man,  his  mind, 
Is,  sui  juris,  unconfin'd,t 


The  procession  of  the  mob  to  the  stocks  is  compared  to  three 
things :  a  Roman  triumph,  a  lord-mayor's  show,  and  leading 
bears  about  the  streets. 

*  Magnano  is  before  described  as  a  blacksmith,  or  tinker.  See 
Canto  ii.  1.  336. 

t  In  the  edition  of  1704  it  is  printed  ire  Hockly  hole,  meaning, 
by  a  low  pun,  the  place  where  their  hocks  or  ankles  were  con- 
fined. Hockley  Hole,  or  Hockley  i'  th'  Hole,  was  the  name  of  a 
place  resorted  to  for  vulgar  diversions. 

%  Our  author  here  shows  his  learning,  by  bantering  the  stoic 
philosophy ;  and  his  wit,  by  comparing  Alexander  the  Great 
with  Diogenes. 


160  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  i 

And  cannot  be  laid  by  the  heels,  1015 

What  e'er  the  other  moiety  feels. 

'Tis  not  restraint,  or  liberty,* 

That  makes  men  prisoners  or  free  ; 

But  perturbations  that  possess 

The  mind,  or  equanimities.  1020 

The  whole  world  was  not  half  so  wide 

To  Alexander,  when  he  cry'd. 

Because  he  had  but  one  to  subdue,t 

As  was  a  paltry  narrow  tub  to 

Diogenes  ;  who  is  not  said,t  1025 

For  aught  that  ever  I  could  read. 

To  whine,  put  finger  i'  th'  eye,  and  sob, 

Because  h'  had  ne'er  another  tub. 

The  ancients  make  two  sev'ral  kinds 

Of  prowess  in  heroic  minds,  1030 

The  active  and  the  passive  valiant. 

Both  which  are  pari  libra  gallant ; 

For  both  to  give  blows,  and  to  carry, 

lu  fights  are  equi-uecessary  : 

But  in  defeats,  the  passive  stout  1035 

Are  always  found  to  stand  it  out 

Most  desp'rately,  and  to  out-do 

The  active,  'gainst  a  conqu'ring  foe  : 

Tho'  we  with  blacks  and  blues  are  suggil'd,§ 

Or,  as  the  vulgar  say,  are  cudgel'd  ;  1040 

*  Guisnam  igitur  liber  1  sapiens,  sibique  iniperiosus  ; 
Quein  neque  pauperies,  neque  mors,  neque  vincula 

terrent : 
Responsare  ciipidinilnis,  contemnere  honores 
Fortis  ;  et  in  seipso  totus  teres  atque  rotundus, 
Externi  ne  quid  valeat  per  lEeve  morari  ; 
la  queiii  manca  ruit  semper  fortuna. 

Horat.  lib.  ii.  Sat.  vii.  83. 

KoKd;  ietrixus,  cbijiaTOi  jicv  Tvxn,  'f'^X^J  ^f  KaKla'  b  fiiv  yJp 
rb  cioixa  \cXvixivog,  riiv  6i  i^v^hv  icbtjiivoi,  iovXos'  b  l>^  av  ri 
adjia  itbtjiivos,  rriv  it  xpvx'l"  AsXu/ifi'irj,  i\cv9cpoi. 

Epict.  p.  94.  ed.  Relandi.  1711. 
t  Unus  Pellso  juveri  non  siifficit  orbis: 

jEstiiat  infelix  angusto  limite  mundi 

Juven.  Sat.  x.  168. 

X  Dolia  nudi 

Non  ardent  Cynici:  si  fregeris,  altera  fiet 
Cras  domus,  ant  eadem  pliiinbo  comniissa  manebit. 
Sensit  Alexander,  testa  cum  vidit  in  ilia 
Magnum  habitatnreni,  qiianto  felicior  hie,  qui 
Nil  cuperet,  quam  qui  totum  sibi  posceret,  orbem, 
Passurus  geslis  aiquanda  pericula  rebus. 

Juven.  Sat.  xiv.  308. 
J  From  suggillo,  to  beat  black  and  blue. 


Canto  ni.]  HUDIBRAS.  161 

He  that  is  valiant,  and  dares  fight, 

Though  drubh'd,  can  lose  no  honour  b/t. 

Honour's  a  lease  for  lives  to  coine, 

And  cannot  be  extended  from 

The  legal  tenant  :*  'tis  a  chattel  1045 

Not  to  be  forfeited  in  battei.t  » 

If  he  that  in  the  field  is  slain, 

Be  in  the  bed  of  honour  lain.t 

He  that  is  beaten  may  be  said 

To  lie  in  honour's  truckle-bed.^  1050 

For  as  we  see  th'  eclipsed  sun 

By  mortals  is  more  gaz'd  upon 

Than  when,  adorn'd  with  all  his  light. 

He  shines  in  serene  sky  most  bright ; 

So  valour,  in  a  low  estate,  1055 

Is  most  admir'd  and  wonder'd  at. 

Quoth  Ralph,  How  great  I  do  not  know 
We  may,  by  being  beaten,  grow  ; 
But  none  that  see  how  here  we  sit. 
Will  judge  us  overgrown  with  wit.  1060 

As  gifted  brethren,  preaching  by 
A  carnal  hour-glass,||  do  imply 
Illumination,  can  convey 
Into  them  what  they  have  to  say. 
But  not  how  much  ;  so  well  enough  1065 

Know  you  to  charge,  but  not  draw  off". 
For  who,  without  a  cap  and  bauble, IT 
Having  subdu'd  a  bear  and  rabble, 
And  might  with  honour  have  come  off, 
Would  put  it  to  a  second  proof:  lOTO 

A  politic  exploit,  right  fit 
For  Presbyterian  zeal  and  wit.** 

*  Vivit  post  funera  virtus. 

t  A  man  cannot  be  deprived  of  his  honor,  or  forfeit  it  to  the 
conqueror,  as  he  does  his  arms  and  accoutrements. 

t  "The  bed  of  honor,"  says  Farquhar,  "is  a  miglity  large 
"  bed.  Ten  thousand  people  may  lie  in  it  together,  and  never 
"  feel  one  another." 

^  The  truckle-bed  is  a  small  bed  upon  wheels,  which  goes 
under  the  larger  one, 

II  This  preaching  by  the  hour  gave  room  for  many  jokes.  A 
punning  preacher,  having  talked  a  full  hour,  turned  his  hour- 
glass, and  said :  Come,  my  friends,  let  us  take  the  other  glass. 
The  frames  for  these  hour-glasses  remained  in  many  churches 
till  very  lately. 

^  Who  but  a  fool  or  child,  one  who  deserves  a  fool's  cap,  or  a 
child's  play-thing. 

**  Raipho,  being  chagrined  by  his  situation,  not  only  blames 
the  misconduct  of  the  knight,  which  had  brought  them  into  the 
scrape,  but  sneers  at  him  i  it  his  religious  principles.    The  Iiid«- 


162  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  < 

Quoth  Hudibras,  That  cuckoo's  toncj 
Ralpho  thou  always  harp'st  upon  ; 
When  thou  at  any  thing  would'st  rail,  1075 

Thou  mak'st  presbytery  thy  scale 
To  take  the  height  on't,  and  explain 
To  what  degree  it  is  profane. 
What  s'ever  will  not  with  thy — what  d'ye  Call 
Thy  light — ^jump  fight,  thou  call'st  synodical.       1080 
As  if  presbytery  were  a  standard 
To  size  what  s' over's  to  be  slander'd. 
Dost  not  remember  how  this  day 
Thou  to  my  beard  wast  bold  to  say, 
That  thou  could'st  prove  bear-baiting  equal  1085 

With  synods,  orthodox  and  legal? 
Do,  if  thou  canst,  for  I  deny't. 
And  dare  thee  to't,  with  all  thy  light.* 

Quoth  Ralpho,  Truly  that  is  no 
Hard  matter  for  a  man  to  do,  1090 

That  has  but  any  guts  in's  brains,t 
And  could  believe  it  worth  his  pains  ; 
But  since  you  dare  and  urge  me  to  it. 
You'll  find  I've  light  enough  to  do  it. 

Synods  are  mystical  bear-gardens,  1095 

Where  elders,  deputies,  church-wardens, 
And  other  members  of  the  court. 
Manage  the  Babylonish  sport. 
For  prolocutor,  scribe,  and  bearward, 
Do  diiFer  only  in  a  mere  word.  1100 

Both  are  but  sev'ral  synagogues 
Of  carna!  men,  and  bears,  and  dogs : 
Both  antichristian  assemblies, 
To  mischief  bent,  as  far's  in  them  lies : 
Both  stave  and  tail  with  fierce  contests,  1105 

The  one  with  men,  the  other  beasts, 
The  difF'rence  is,  the  one  fights  with 
The  tongue,  the  other  with  the  teeth ; 
And  that,  they  bait  but  bears  in  this. 
In  th'  other  souls  and  consciences  ;  1110 

Where  saints  themselves  are  brought  to  stake,! 

pendents,  at  one  time,  were  as  inveterate  against  tlie  Presbyte- 
rians, as  both  of  them  were  against  the  church.  For  an  expla 
nation  of  some  following  verses,  see  the  note  on  Canto  i.  457. 

*  The  Independents  were  great  pretenders  to  the  light  of  the 
spirit.  They  supposed  that  all  their  actions,  as  well  as  their 
prayers  and  preachings,  were  immediately  directed  by  it. 

t  A  proverbial  expression  for  one  who  has  some  share  of  com- 
BK>n  sense. 

X  The  Presbyterians,  when  in  power,  by  means  of  their  synods 


Canto  m.]  HUDIBRAS.  163 

For  gospel-light  and  conscience-sake  ; 

Expos'd  to  scribes  and  presbyters, 

Instead  of  mastiff  dogs  and  curs  ; 

Than  whom  th'  have  less  humanity,  1115 

For  these  at  souls  of  men  will  fly. 

This  to  the  prophet  did  appear, 

Who  in  a  vision  saw  a  bear. 

Prefiguring  the  beastly  rage 

Of  church-rule,  in  this  latter  age  :*  :  130 

As  is  demonstrated  at  full 

By  him  that  baited  the  pope's  bull.t 

Bears  naturally  are  beasts  of  prey. 

That  live  by  rapine  ;  so  do  they. 

What  are  their  orders,  constitutions,  1125 

Church-censures,  curses,  absolutions, 

But  sev'ral  mystic  chains  they  make, 

To  tie  poor  Christians  to  the  stake? 

And  then  set  heathen  officers. 

Instead  of  dogs,  about  their  ears.t  113C 

For  to  prohibit  and  dispense, 

To  find  out,  or  to  make  offence ; 

Of  hell  and  heaven  to  dispose, 

To  play  with  souls  at  fast  and  loose  :  . 

To  set  what  characters  they  please,  1135 

And  mulcts  on  sin  or  godliness  ; 

Reduce  the  church  to  gospel-order. 

By  rapine,  sacrilege,  and  murder  ; 

To  make  presbytery  supreme, 

And  kings  themselves  submit  to  them  ;§  1140 


assemblies,  classes,  scrilies,  presbyters,  triers,  orders,  censures, 
cur>-es,  &c.,  &c.,  persecuted  tlie  ministers,  both  of  the  Independ- 
ents and  ot  the  Church  of  England,  with  violence  and  cruelty 
little  short  of  the  inquisition.  Sir  Roger  L'Estrange  mentions 
some  strong  instances  of  their  persecuting  tenets. 

*  Daniel  vii.  .5.  "  And  behold  another  beast,  a  second,  like  to 
a  bear ;  and  it  raised  up  itself  on  one  side ;  and  it  had  three  ribs 
in  the  mouth  of  it,  between  the  teeth  of  it:  and  they  said  thus 
nnto  it.  Arise,  devour  much  flesh." 

t  The  baiting  of  the  pope's  bull  was  the  title  of  a  pamphlet 
written  by  Henry  Burton,  rector  of  St.  Matthew,  Friday-street, 
and  printed  at  London  in  1627. 

t  Tacitus  says  of  the  persecutions  under  Nero,  pereuntibus 
addita  ludibria,  ut  ferarum  tergis  contecti,  laniatu  canum  interi- 
rent.    Annal.  xv.  44. 

§  The  disciplinarians,  in  the  reign  of  queen  Elizabeth,  main- 
tained that  kings  ought  to  be  subject  to  ecclesiastical  censures, 
as  well  as  other  persons.  This  doctrine  was  revived  by  the 
Presbyterians  afterwards,  and  actually  put  in  practice  by  the 
Scots,  in  their  treatment  of  Charles  II.  while  he  continued 
among  them.    The  Presbyterians,  in  the  civil  war,  maintained 


164  IIUDIBRAS.  [Paut  » 

And  force  all  people,  the'  against 

Their  consciences,  to  tuna  saints ; 

Must  prove  a  pretty  thriving  trade, 

When  saints  monopolists  are  made : 

When  pious  frauds,  and  holy  shifts,  1143 

Are  dispensations,  and  gifts  ; 

There  godliness  becomes  mere  vv^are, 

And  ev'ry  synod  but  a  fair. 

Synods  are  whelps  o'  th'  Inquisition, 
A  mungrel  breed  of  like  pernicion,*  1150 

And  growing  up,  became  the  sires 
Of  scribes,  commissioners,  and  triers  ;t 
Whose  bus'ness  is,  by  cunning  slight, 
To  cast  a  figure  for  men's  light ; 
To  find,  in  lines  of  beard  and  face,  115S 

The  physiognomy  of  grace  ;| 
And  by  the  sound  and  twang  of  nose. 
If  all  be  sound  within  disclose, 
Free  from  a  crack,  or  flaw  of  sinning, 
As  men  try  pipkins  by  the  ringing  ;§  1160 

that  princes  must  submit  their  sceptres,  and  throw  down  their 
crowns  before  the  church,  yea,  to  licli  up  the  dust  of  the  feet 
of  the  church. 

*  The  word  pernicion,  perhaps,  is  coined  by  our  author:  he 
means  of  lilie  destructive  eflect,  from  the  Latin  pernicies,  though 
it  is  used  elsewhere. 

t  The  Presbyterians  ha,d  a  set  of  officers  called  the  triers,  who 
examined  the  candidates  for  orders,  and  the  presentees  to  bene- 
fices, and  sifted  the  qualifications  of  lay  elders.  See  the  preface 
to  VVallver's  Sufferings  of  the  Clergy.  As  the  Presbyterians  de- 
manded of  the  Church  of  England,  What  command,  or  example, 
have  you  for  kneeling  at  the  communion,  for  wearing  a  surplice, 
for  lord  bishops,  for  a  penned  liturgy,  &c.,  &c.,  so  the  Independ- 
ents retorted  upon  them  :  Where  are  your  lay  elders,  your  pres- 
byters, your  classes,  your  synods,  to  be  found  in  Scripture  ? 
where  your  steeple  houses,  and  your  national  church,  or  your 
tithes,  or  your  metre  psalms,  or  your  two  sacraments  ?  show  us 
a  conuuand  or  e.xample  for  them.  Dr.  Hammond's  View  of  the 
Directory. 

t  The  triers  pretended  great  skill  in  these  matters.  If  they 
disliked  the  face  or  beard  of  a  man,  if  he  happened  to  be  of  a 
ruddy  complexion,  or  cheerful  countenance,  they  would  reject 
him  on  these  accounts.  The  precise  and  puritanical  faces  of 
those  days  may  be  observed  in  the  prints  of  the  most  eminent 
dissenters. 

The  modern  reader  may  be  inclined  to  think  the  dispute  be- 
tween the  knight  and  the  sr|uire  rather  too  long.  But  if  he 
considers  that  the  great  object  of  the  poem  was  to  expose  to 
scorn  and  contempt  those  sectaries,  and  those  pretenders  to  ex- 
traordinary sanctity,  who  had  overturned  the  constitution  ij 
church  and  state;  and,  beside  that,  such  enthusiasts  were  then 
frequently  to  be  met  with  ;  he  will  not  wonder  that  the  author 
indulges  himself  in  this  fine  strain  of  wit  and  humor. 

$  They  judged  of  man's  inward  grace  by  his  outward  com 


Canto  iu.]  IIUDIBRAS.  165 

By  black  caps,  underlaid  with  white,* 

Give  certain  guess  at  inward  light  ; 

Which  Serjeants  at  the  gospel  wear.t 

To  make  the  sp'ritual  calling  clear. 

The  handkerchief  about  the  neck,  1165 

— Canonical  cravat  of  smeck,t 

From  whom  the  institution  came, 

When  church  and  state  they  set  on  flamOj 

And  worn  by  them  as  badges  then 

Of  spiritual  warfaring-men, —  1170 

Judge  rightly  if  regeneration 

Be  of  the  newest  cutin  fashion  : 


plexion.  Dr.  Echard  says,  "  If  a  man  had  but  a  little  blood  in 
"his  cheelis,  his  condition  was  accounted  very  dangercus,  and 
"'f  was  almost  an  infallible  sign  of  reprobation  :  and  I  will  as- 
'  sure  you,"  says  he,  "  a  very  honest  man,  of  a  very  sanguine 
"  complexion,  if  he  chance  to  come  by  an  officious  zealot's 
"  house,  might  be  put  in  the  stocks  only  for  looking  fresh  in  a 
"  frosty  morning." 

pulsa,  dignoscere  cautus 

Quid  solidum  crepet,  at  picta;  tectoria  lingus. 

Persius,  Sat.  v.  24. 
Many  persons,  particularly  the  Dissenters,  in  our  poet's  time, 
were  fond  of  wearing  black  caps  lined  with  white.  See  the 
print  of  Baxter  and  others.  These  caps,  however,  were  not  pe- 
culiar to  the  Protestant  sectaries,  nor  always  of  a  black  color; 
master  Drurie,  a  Jesuit,  who,  with  a  hundred  of  his  auditors, 
lost  his  life,  October  26,  1623,  by  the  sinking  of  the  garret  floor 
where  he  was  preaching,  is  thus  described:  "When  he  had 
"read  (his  text)  he  sat  down  in  the  chaire,  and  put  upon  hiu 
"  head  a  red  quilt  cap,  having  a  linnen  white  one  under  it,  turned 
"up  about  the  brims,  and  so  undertooke  his  text." — The  doleful 
Evensong,  by  Thomas  Good,  4to.  This  continued  a  fashion  for 
many  years  after. 

t  The  coif,  or  black  worn  on  the  head,  is  the  badge  of  a  Ser- 
jeant at  law. 

t  A  club  or  junto,  which  wrote  several  books  against  the  king, 
consisting  of  five  eminent  holders  forth,  namely :  Stephen  Mar- 
shall, Edmund  Calamy,  Thomas  Young,  Matthew  Newcomen 
and  William  Spurstow;  the  initials  of  their  names  make  the 
word  Smectymnvvs  :  and,  by  way  of  distinction,  they  wore  hand- 
kerchiefs about  their  necks,  which  afterwards  degenerated  into 
carnal  cravats.  Hall,  bishop  of  Exeter,  presented  an  humble 
remonstrance  to  the  high  court  of  parliament,  in  behalf  of  liturgy 
and  episcopacy  ;  which  was  answered  by  the  junto  under  this 
title,  The  Original  of  Liturgy  and  Episcopacy  discussed  by 
Smectymncus  ;  John  Milton  is  supposed  to  have  been  concerned 
in  writing  it. — For  aji  account  of  Thomas  Young,  see  Warton's 
notes  on  Milton. — The  five  counsellors  of  Charles  II.  in  the  year 
1670,  Clifford,  Arlington,  Buckingham,  Ashley,  Lauderdale,  were 
called  the  Cabal,  from  the  initials  of  their  names. — Mr.  Mark 
Noble,  in  his  Memoirs  of  the  Cromwell  Family,  says,  "When 
"  Oliver  resided  at  St.  Ives,  he  usually  went  to  church  with  a 
"  piece  of  red  flannel  about  his  neck,  as  he  was  subject  to  an  in- 
'flammation  in  his  throat,"  p.  105,  note. 


166  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  1 

Sure  'tis  an  orthodox  opinion, 

That  grace  is  founded  in  dominion.* 

Great  piety  consists  in  pride  ;  1175 

To  rule  is  to  be  sanctify'd : 

To  domineer,  and  to  controul. 

Both  o'er  the  body  and  the  soul, 

Is  the  most  perfect  discipline 

Of  church-rule,  and  by  right  divine.  1180 

Bell  and  the  Dragon's  chaplains  were 

More  moderate  than  those  by  far  :t 

For  they,  poor  knaves,  were  glad  to  cheat, 

To  get  their  wives  and  children  meat ; 

But  these  will  not  be  fobb'd  off  so,  1185 

They  must  have  wealth  and  power  too  ; 

Or  else,  with  blood  and  desolation, 

They'll  tear  it  out  o'  tli'  heart  o'  th'  nation. 

Sure  these  themselves  from  primitive 
And  heathen  priesthood  do  derive,  1190 

When  butchers  were  the  only  clerks,t 
Elders  and  presbyters  of  kirks  ; 
Whoso  directory  was  to  kill ; 
And  some  believe  it  is  so  still.§ 

The  only  diff'rence  is,  that  then  1195 

They  slaughter'd  only  beasts,  now  men. 
For  them  to  sacrifice  a  bullock, 
Or,  now  and  then,  a  child  to  Moloch, 
They  count  a  vile  abomination. 

But  not  to  slaughter  a  whole  nation.  1200 

Presbytery  does  but  translate 
The  papacy  to  a  free  state, 
A  common-wealth  of  popery, 
Where  ev'ry  village  is  a  see 

As  well  as  Rome,  and  must  maintain  1205 

A  tithe-pig  metropolitan ; 
Where  ev'ry  presbyter,  and  deacon, 
Commands  the  keys  for  cheese  and  bacon  ;|| 

*  The  Presbyterians  had  such  an  esteem  for  power,  that  they 
thought  those  who  obtained  it  showed  a  mark  of  grace ;  and 
that  those  only  who  had  grace  were  entitled  to  power. 

t  The  priests,  their  wives,  and  children,  feasted  upon  the  pro 
visions  ottered  to  the  idol,  and  pretended  that  he  had  devoured 
them.    See  the  Apocrypha. 

J  Both  in  the  heathen  and  Jewish  sacrifices,  the  animal  was 
frequently  slain  by  the  priests. 

^  A  banter  on  the  directory,  or  form  of  service  drawn  up  by 
the  Presbyterians,  and  substituted  for  the  common  prayer. 

II  Daniel  Burgess,  dining  with  a  gentlewoman  of  his  congre- 
gation, and  a  large  uncut  Cheshire  cheese  being  brought  to  table, 
he  asked  where  he  should  cut  it     She  replied,  Where  you 


Cahto  m.]  HUDIBRAS.  167 

And  ev'ry  hamlet's  governed 

By's  holiness,  the  church's  head,*  1210 

More  haughty  and  severe  in's  place 
Than  Gregory  and  Boniface.t 
Such  church  must,  surely,  be  a  monster 
With  many  heads  :  for  if  we  conster 
What  in  th'  Apocalypse  we  find,  1215 

According  to  th'  Apostles'  mind, 
'Tis  that  the  Whore  of  Babylon, 
With  many  heads  did  ride  upon  ;t 
Which  heads  denote  the  sinful  tribe 
Of  deacon,  priest,  lay-elder,  scribe.  1220 

Lay-elder,  Simeon  to  Levi,§ 

pwase,  Mr.  Burgess.    Upon  which  he  ordered  his  servant  to  carry 
f  i»his  own  house,  for  he  would  cut  it  at  home. 

*  The  gentlemen  of  Cheshire  sent  a  remonstrance  to  the  par- 
liarwHt,  wherein  they  complained,  that,  instead  of  having  tweu- 
t)'-;^x  bishops,  they  were  then  governed  by  a  numerous  pres- 
byterv,  amounting,  with  lay  elders  and  others,  to  40,000.  This 
government,  say  they,  is  purely  papal,  for  every  minister  exer- 
cises iwpal  jurisdiction.  Dr.  Grey  quotes  from  Sir  John  Birken 
head  revived : 

But  never  look  for  health  nor  peace 

If  once  presbytery  jade  us, 
When  every  priest  becomes  a  pope, 

When  tinkers  and  sow-gelders. 
May,  if  they  can  but  'scape  the  rope. 

Be  princes  and  lay-elders. 

t  The  jVmer  was  consecrated  in  the  year  1073,  the  latter 
elected  in  »294.  Two  most  insolent  and  assuming  popes,  who 
wanted  to  raise  the  tiara  above  all  the  crowned  heads  in  Chris 
tendom.  Gregory  the  Seventh,  commonly  called  Hildebrand, 
was  the  first  who  arrogated  to  himself  the  authority  to  excom- 
municate and  depose  the  emperor.  Boniface  the  Third,  was  he 
who  assumed  the  title  of  universal  bishop.  Boniface  the  Eighth, 
at  the  jubilee  instituted  by  himself,  appeared  one  day  in  the 
habit  of  a  pope,  and  the  next  day  in  that  of  an  emperor.  He 
caused  two  swords  to  be  carried  before  him,  to  show  that  he  was 
invested  with  all  power  ecclesiastical  and  temporal. 

t  The  chtirch  of  Rome  has  often  been  compared  to  the  whore 
of  Babylon,  mentioned  in  the  seventeenth  chapter  of  the  Reve- 
lation. The  beast,  which  the  whore  rode  upon,  is  here  said  to 
signify  the  Presbyterian  establishment ;  and  the  seven,  or  many 
heads  of  the  beast,  are  interpreted,  by  the  poet,  to  mean  theif 
several  officers,  deacons,  priests,  scribes,  lay-elders,  &c. 

§  That  is,  lay-elder,  an  associate  to  the  priesthood,  for  inter- 
ested, if  not  for  iniquitous  purposes;  alluding  to  Genesis  xlix. 
5,  6.  "Simeon  and  Levi  are  brethren;  instruments  of  cruelty 
"are  in  their  habitations  :  O,  my  soul,  come  not  thou  into  their 
"  secret ;  unto  their  assembly,  mine  honour,  be  not  thou  united  ( 
"for  in  their  anger  they  slew  a  man."  Mr.  Robert  Gordon,  in 
his  History  of  the  illustrious  family  of  Gordon,  vol.  ii.  p.  197, 
compares  the  solemn  league  and  covenant  with  the  holy  league 
lo  France  :  he  says  they  were  as  like  as  one  egg  to  another,  the 
one  was  nursed  by  tlie  Jesuits,  the  other  by  the  Scots  Presliyte- 


168  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  » 

Whose  little  finger  is  as  heavy 

As  loins  of  patriarchs,  prince-prelate, 

And  bishop-secular.*     This  zealot 

Is  of  a  mungrel,  diverse  kind,  122S 

Cleric  before,  and  lay  behind  ;t 

A  lawless  linsey-woolsey  brother,t 

Half  of  one  order,  jialf  another ; 

A  creature  of  amphibious  nature, 

On  land  a  beast,  a  fish  in  water  ;  1230 

That  always  preys  on  grace,  or  sin  ; 

A  sheep  without,  a  wolf  within. 

This  fierce  inquisitor  has  chief 

Dominion  over  men's  belief 

And  manners  ;  can  pronounce  a  saint  1235 

Idolatrous,  or  ignorant. 

When  superciliously  he  sifts. 

Through  coarsest  boulter,  others  gifts.§ 

For  all  men  live,  and  judge  amiss. 

Whose  talents  jump  not  just  with  his.  1240 

He'll  lay  on  gifts  with  hand,  and  place 

On  dullest  noddle  light  and  grace, 

The  manufacture  of  the  kirk. 

Whose  pastors  are  but  th'  handiwork 

Of  his  mechanic  paw.s,  instilling  1245 

Divinity  in  them  by  feeling. 

From  whence  they  start  up  chosen  vessels, 

Made  by  contact,  as  men  get  measles. 

So  cardinals,  they  say,  do  grope 

At  th'  other  end  the  new  made  pope.||  1230 

Hold,  hold,  quoth  Hudibras,  Soft  fire. 
They  say,  does  make  sweet  malt.     Good  Squire, 
Festina  lente,  not  too  fast ; 

rians,  Simeon  and  Levi.  See  Doughtie's  Velitationes  Folemicie, 
p.  74. 

*  Such  is  the  bishop  and  prince  of  Liege,  and  such  are  sev 
eral  of  the  bishops  in  Germany.  [1793.] 

t  A  trifling  book  called  a  Key  to  Hudibras,  under  the  name  of 
Sir  Roger  L'Estrange,  pretends  to  decipher  all  the  characters  in 
the  poem,  and  tells  us  that  one  Andrew  Crawford  was  here  in- 
tended. This  character  is  supposed  by  others  to  have  been 
designed  for  William  Dunning,  a  Scotch  jiresbyter.  But,  proba- 
bly, the  author  meant  no  more  than  to  give  a  general  represen- 
tation of  the  lay-elders. 

+  Lawless,  because  it  was  forbidden  by  the  LeviticaJ  law  to 
wear  a  nii.\ture  of  linen  and  woollen  in  the  same  garment. 

6  A  bolter  is  a  sieve  by  which  the  millers  dress  their  flour. 

(l  See,  in  Platina's  Lives  of  the  Popes,  the  well-known  story 
of  pope  Joan,  or  John  VIII.  The  stercorary  chair,  as  appears  by 
Burchard's  Diary,  was  used  at  the  installations  of  Innocent 
VIII.  and  Si.xtus  IV.  See  Brequigny  in  account  of  MS.  in  the 
French  king's  library,  8vo.  1789,  vol.  i.  p.  210. 


Canto  iii.l  HUDIBRAS.  169 

For  baste,  the  proverb  says,  makes  waste. 

The  quirks  and  cavils  thou  dost  make  1255 

Are  false,  and  built  upon  mistake  : 

And  I  shall  bring  you,  with  your  pack 

Of  fallacies,  t'  Elencbi  back  ;* 

And  put  your  arguments  in  mood 

And  figure  to  be  understood.  1260 

I'll  force  you  by  right  ratiocinatiout 

To  leave  your  vitilitigation, t 

And  make  you  keep  to  the  question  close, 

And  argue  dialecticiSf.^ 

The  question  then,  to  state  it  first,  1265 

Is,  which  is  better,  or  which  worst. 
Synods  or  bears.     Bears  I  avow 
To  be  the  worst,  and  synods  thou. 
But,  to  make  good  th'  assertion, 

Thou  say'st  th'  are  really  all  one,  1276 

If  so,  not  worst ;  for  if  th'  are  idem, 
Why  then,  tantundem  dat  tantidem. 
For  if  they  are  the  same,  by  course 
Neither  is  better,  neither  worse. 

But  I  deny  they  are  the  same,  1275 

More  than  a  maggot  and  I  am. 
That  both  are  animalia,|| 
I  grant,  but  not  rationalia  : 
For  though  they  do  agree  in  kind, 
Specific  difference  we  find  ;ir  1280 

*  Elenchi  are  arguments  which  deceive  under  an  appearance 
of  truth.  The  knight  says  he  shall  make  the  deception  appa- 
rent. The  name  is  given,  by  Aristotle,  to  those  syllogisms 
which  have  seemingly  a  fair,  but  in  reality  a  contradictory  con- 
clusion. A  chief  design  of  Aristotle's  logic  is  to  establish  rules 
for  the  trial  of  arguments,  and  to  guard  against  sophism  :  for  in 
his  time  Zeno,  Parmenides,and  others,  had  set  up  a  false  meth- 
od of  reasoning,  which  he  makes  it  his  business  to  detect  and 
defeat. 

t  The  poet  makes  tio,  in  ratiocination,  constitute  but  one  syl 
lable.  as  in  verse  1378,  but  in  P.  i.  c.  i.  v.  78,  he  makes  tio  two 
syllables. 

t  That  is,  your  perverse  humor  of  wrangling.  Erasmus,  in  the 
Moriffi  enc(miium,  has  the  following  passage  :  "  Etenim  non  de- 
"erunt  tbrtasse  vitilitigatores,  qui  caluninientur  partim  leviores 
"esse  nugas  quam  ut  Iheologum  deceant,  partim  mordaciores 
"  quam  ut  Christian^e  eonveniant  modestiffi."  Vitilitigatores, 
i.  e.  obtreclatores  et  caluiimiatores,  quos  Cato,  nnvato  verho,  a 
vitio  et  morbo  litigandi  vitilitigatores  appellabat,  ut  testaturPlin. 
in  prsBfat.  historia;  mundi. 

i  That  is,  logically. 

(1  Suppose  we  read : 

That  both  indeed  are  aniinalia. 
^  Between  animate  and  inanimate  things,  as  between  a  man 


170  HUDIBRAS.  [Parti 

And  can  no  more  make  bears  of  these, 

Than  prove  my  horse  is  Socrates.* 

That  synods  are  bear-gardens  too, 

Thou  dost  affirm  ;  but  I  say,  No  : 

And  thus  I  prove  it,  in  a  word,  12BJ 

What  s'ever  assembly's  not  impow'r'd 

To  censure,  curse,  absolve,  and  ordain. 

Can  bo  no  synod  :  but  Bear-garden 

Has  no  such  pow'r,  ergo  'tis  none  ; 

And  so  thy  sophistry's  o'erthrown.  1290 

But  yet  we  are  beside  the  question 
Which  thou  didst  raise  the  first  contest  on  : 
For  that  was.  Whether  bears  are  better 
Thau  synod-men  ?  I  say,  Negatur. 
That  bears  are  beasts,  and  synods  men,  1295 

Is  held  by  all :  they're  better  then, 
For  bears  and  dogs  on  four  legs  go, 
As  beasts  ;  but  synod-men  on  two. 
'Tis  true,  they  all  have  teeth  and  nails  ; 
But  prove  that  synod-men  have  tails  :  1300 

Or  that  a  rugged,  shaggy  fur 
Grows  o'er  tiie  hide  of  presbyter  ; 
Or  that  his  snout  and  spacious  ears 
Do  hold  proportion  with  a  bear's. 
A  bear's  a  savage  beast,  of  all  1305 

Most  ugly  and  unnatural, 
Whelp'd  without  form,  until  the  dam 
Has  lickt  it  into  shape  and  frame  :t 
But  all  thy  light  can  ne'er  evict, 

and  a  tree,  there  is  a  generical  difference  ;  that  is,  they  are  not 
of  the  same  kind  or  genus.  Between  rational  and  sensitive  crea- 
tures, as  a  man  and  a  bear,  there  is  a  specifical  difierence  ;  for 
though  they  agree  in  the  genus  of  animals,  or  living  creatures, 
yet  they  ditfer  in  tlie  species  as  to  reason.  Between  two  men, 
JPlato  and  Socrates,  there  is  a  numerical  difference  ;  for,  though 
they  are  of  the  same  species  as  rational  creatures,  yet  they  are 
not  one  and  the  same,  but  two  men.    See  Part  ii.  Canto  i.  1.  150 

*  Or  that  my  horse  is  a  man.  Aristotle,  in  his  disputations, 
uses  the  word  Socrates  as  an  appellative  for  man  in  general 
From  thence  it  was  taken  up  in  the  schools. 

t  We  must  not  expect  our  poet's  philosophy  to  be  strictly  true : 
it  is  sufficient  that  it  agree  with  the  notions  commonly  handed 
down.    Thus  Ovid  : 

Nee  catulus  partu,  quem  reddidit  ursa  recenti, 
Sed  male  viva  caro  est.    Lambendo  mater  in  artus 
Fingit ;  et  in  formam,  quantum  capit  ipsa,  reducit. 

Metam.  xv.  379. 

Pliny,  in  his  Natural  History,  lib.  viii.  c.  54,  says  :  "  Hi  sunt 
Candida  informisque  caro,  panlo  mnribus  major,  sine  oculis 
line  pilo :  ungues  tantum  prominent :  hano  lambendo  panla 


Canto  m.]  HUDIBRAS.  171 

That  ever  synod-man  was  lickt,  1310 

-  Or  brought  to  any  other  fashion 
Than  his  own  will  and  inclination. 

But  thou  dost  further  yet  in  this 
Oppugn  thyself  and  sense  ;  that  is, 
Thou  would'st  have  presbyters  to  go  1315 

For  bears  and  dogs,  and  bearwards  too  ; 
A  strange  chimaera*  of  beasts  apd  men, 
Made  up  of  pieces  het'rogene  ; 
Such  as  in  nature  never  met, 

In'eodem  subjecto  yet.  1320 

Thy  other  arguments  are  all 
Supposures  hypothetical, 
That  do  but  beg  ;  and  we  may  chuse 
Either  to  grant  them,  or  refuse. 

Much  thou  hast  said,  which  I  know  when,  1325 

And  where  thou  stol'st  from  other  men  ; 
Whereby  'tis  plain  thy  light  and  gifts 
Are  all  but  plagiary  shifts  ; 
And  is  the  same  that  Ranter  said, 
Who,  arguing  with  me,  broke  my  head,t  1330 

And  tore  a  handful  of  my  beard  ; 
The  self-same  cavils  then  I  heard. 
When  b'ing  in  hot  dispute  about 
This  controversy,  we  fell  out ; 

And  what  thou  know'st  I  answer'd  then  1335 

Will  serve  to  answer  thee  agen. 

Quoth  Ralpho,  Nothing  but  th'  abuse 
Of  human  learning  you  produce  ; 
Learning,  that  cobweb  of  the  brain. 
Profane,  erroneous,  and  vain  ;t  1340 


''rim  figurant."  But  this  silly  opinion  is  refuted  by  Brown  in  his 
Vulgar  Errors,  book  Hi.  ch.  6. 
*  CliiniiEra  was  a  fabulous  monster,  thus  described  by  Homer : 

^  6'  ap  crjv  ditov  yivo;,  oui'  avOpd-Kuv 

Upiade  Xiiiiv,  SriOcv  Si  OpdKiav,  liiaarj  ii  x'/JaffJO- 

Iliad,  vi.  180. 

Eustathius,  on  the  passage,  has  abundance  of  Greek  learning 
Hesiod  has  given  the  chimrera  three  heads.     Theog.  319. 

t  The  ranters  were  a  wild  sect,  that  denied  all  doctrines  of  re- 
ligion, natural  and  revealed.  With  one  of  these  the  knight  had 
entered  into  a  dispute,  and  at  last  came  to  blows.  See  a  ranter's 
character  in  Butler's  Posthumous  Works.  Whitelocke  says, 
the  soldiers  in  the  parliament  army  were  frequently  punished 
for  being  ranters.  Nero  clothed  Christians  in  the  skins  of  wild 
beasts;  but  these  wrapped  wild  beasts  in  the  skins  of  Christians. 

t  Ur.  South,  in  his  sermon  preached  in  Westminster  Abbey, 
J692,  says,  speaking  of  the  times  about  50  years  before,  Latin 
unto  them  was  a  mortal  crime,  and  Greek  looked  upon  as  a  sin 


172  HUDIBRAS.  [.Part  i. 

A  trade  of  knowledge  as  replete, 

As  others  are  with  fraud  and  cheat ;  -* 


Rgainst  the  Holy  Ghost ;  that  all  learning  was  then  cried  down, 
so  that  with  them  the  best  preachers  were  such  as  coald  not 
read,  and  the  ablest  divines  such  as  could  not  write  :  in  all  their 
preachments  they  so  highly  pretended  to  the  spirit,  that  they 
hardly  could  spell  the  letter.  To  be  blind,  was  with  them  the 
proper  qualification  of  a  spiritual  guide,  and  to  be  book-learned, 
(as  they  called  it,)  and  to  be  irreligious,  were  almost  terms  con- 
vertible. None  were  thought  fit  for  the  ministry  but  tradesmen 
and  mechanics,  because  none  else  were  allowed  to  have  the 
spirit.  Those  only  were  accounted  like  St.  Paul  who  could  work 
with  their  hands,  and,  in  a  literal  sense,  drive  the  nail  home,  and 
be  able  to  make  a  pulpit  before  they  preached  in  it. 

The  Independents  and  Anabaptists  were  great  enemies  to  all 
human  learning:  they  thought  that  preaching,  and  every  thing 
else,  was  to  come  by  inspiration. 

When  Jack  Cade  ordered  lord  Say's  head  to  be  struck  off,  he 
said  to  him  :  "  I  am  the  besom  that  must  sweep  the  court  clean 
"of  such  filth  as  thou  art.  Thou  hast  most  traiterously  corrupt- 
"  ed  the  youth  of  the  realm,  in  erecting  a  grammar-school ;  and 
"whereas,  before,  our  forefathers  had  no  other  books,  but  the 
"score  and  the  tally,  thou  hast  caused  printing  to  be  used  ;  and, 
"contrary  to  the  king,  his  crown  and  dignity,  thou  hast  built  a 
"  paper-mill.  It  will  be  proved  to  thy  face,  that  thou  hast  men 
"about  thee,  that  usually  talk  of  a  noun  and  a  verb;  and  such 
"abominable  words  as  no  Christian  ear  can  endure  to  hear." 
Henry  VI.  Part  II.  Act  iv.  sc.  7.  In  Mr.  Butler's  MS.  I  find  the 
following  reflections  on  this  subject : 

"The  modern  doctrine  of  the  court,  that  men's  natural  parts 
are  rather  impaired  than  improved  by  study  and  learning,  is  ri 
diculously  false ;  and  the  design  of  it  as  plain  as  its  ignorant 
nonsense — no  more  than  what  the  levellers  and  Quakers  found 
out  before  them:  that  is,  to  bring  down  all  other  men,  whom 
they  have  no  possibility  of  coming  near  any  other  way,  to  an 
equality  with  themselves ;  that  no  man  may  be  thought  to  re- 
ceive any  advantage  by  that  which  they,  with  all  their  confi- 
dence, dare  not  pretend  to. 

"It  is  true  that  some  learned  men,  by  their  want  of  judgment 
and  discretion,  will  sometimes  do  and  say  things  that  appear  ri- 
diculous to  those  who  are  entirely  ignorant :  but  he,  who  from 
hence  takes  measure  of  all  others,  is  most  indiscreet.  For  no 
one  can  make  another  man's  want  of  reason  a  jUst  cause  for  not 
improving  his  own,  but  he  who  would  have  been  as  little  the 
better  for  it,  if  he  had  taken  the  same  pains. 

"  He  is  a  fool  that  has  nothing  of  philosophy  in  him  ;  but  not 
so  much  so  as  he  who  has  nothing  else  but  philosophy. 

"  He  that  has  less  learning  than  his  capacity  is  able  to  manage, 
shall  have  more  use  of  it  than  he  that  has  more  than  he  can 
master;  for  no  man  can  possibly  have  a  ready  and  active  com- 
mand of  that  which  is  too  heavy  for  him,  Qui  ultra  facultates 
sapit,  desipit.  Sense  and  reason  are  too  chargeable  for  the  ordi- 
nary occasions  of  scholars,  and  what  they  are  not  able  to  go  to 
the  e.\pense  of:  therefore  metaphysics  are  better  for  their  pur- 
poses, as  being  cheap,  which  any  dunce  may  bear  the  expense  of, 
and  which  make  a  better  noise  in  the  ears  of  the  ignorant  than 
that  which  is  true  and  right.  Non  qui  plurima,  sed  qui  ntilia 
legerunt,  eruditi  habendi. 

"  A  blind  man  knows  he  cannot  see,  and  is  glad  to  be  led, 


\ 


Canto  hi.]  HUDIBRAS.  173 

An  art  t'  incumber  gifts  and  wit, 
-    And  render  both  for  nothing  fit ; 


though  it  be  but  by  a  dog  ;  but  he  that  is  blind  in  his  understand- 
ing, which  is  the  worst  blindness  of  all,  believes  he  sees  as  well 
as  the  best ;  and  scorns  a  guide. 

"  Men  glory  in  that  which  is  their  infelicity. — Learning  Greek 
and  Latin,  to  understand  the  sciences  contained  in  them,  which 
commonly  proves  no  better  l)argain  than  he  makes,  who  breaks 
his  teeth  to  crack  a  nut,  which  has  nothing  but  a  maggot  in  it. 
He  that  hath  many  languages  to  express  his  thoughts,  but  no 
thoughts  worth  expressing,  is  like  one  who  can  write  a  good 
hand,  but  never  the  better  sense;  or  one  who  can  cast  up  any 
sums  of  money,  but  has  none  to  reckon. 

"They  who  study  mathematics  only  to  fix  their  minds,  and 
render  them  steadier  to  apply  to  other  things,  as  there  are  many 
who  profess  to  do,  are  as  wise  as  those  who  think,  by  rowing  in 
boats,  to  learn  to  swim. 

"  He  that  has  made  an  hasty  march  through  most  arts  and 
sciences,  is  like  an  ill  captain,  who  leaves  garrisons  and  strong- 
holds behind  him." 

"  The  arts  and  sciences  are  only  tools, 
Which  students  do  their  business  with  in  schools  : 
Although  great  men  have  said,  'tis  more  abstruse, 
And  hard  to  understand  them,  than  their  use. 
And  though  they  were  intended  but  in  order 
To  better  things,  few  ever  venture  further. 
But  as  all  good  designs  are  so  accurst, 
The  best  intended  often  prove  the  worst ; 
So  what  was  meant  t'  improve  the  world,  quite  cross, 
Has  turn'd  to  its  calamity  and  loss. 

"  The  greatest  part  of  learning's  only  meant 
For  curiosity  and  ornament. 
And  therefore  most  pretending  virtuosos. 
Like  Indians,  bore  tlieir  lips  and  flat  their  noses. 
When  'tis  their  artificial  want  of  wit, 
That  spoils  their  work,  instead  of  mending  it. 
To  prove  by  syllogism  is  but  to  spell, 
A  proposition  like  a  syllable. 

"Critics  esteem  no  sciences  so  noble, 
As  worn-out  languages,  to  vamp  and  cobble 
And  when  they  had  corrected  all  old  copies, 
To  cut  themselves  out  work,  made  new  and  foppish, 
Assum'd  an  arbitrary  power  t'  invent 
And  overdo  what  th'  author  never  meant. 
Could  find  a  deeper,  subtler  meaning  out, 
Than  th'  innocentest  writer  ever  thought. 

"Good  scholars  are  but  journeymen  to  nature, 
That  shows  them  all  their  tricks  to  imitate  her: 
Though  some  mistake  the  reason  she  proposes, 
And  make  them  imitate  their  virtuosos. 
And  arts  and  sciences  are  but  a  kind 
Of  trade  and  occupation  of  the  mind : 
An  exercise  by  which  mankind  is  taught 
The  discipline  and  management  of  thought 
To  best  advantages ;  and  takes  its  lesson 
From  nature,  or  her  secretary  reason, — 
Is  both  the  best,  or  worst  way  of  instructing, 


174  HUDIBRAS.  [pAiir  i 

Makes  light  unactive,  dull  and  troubled,  1345 

Like  little  David  in  Saul's  doublet  ;* 

A  cheat  that  scholars  put  upon 

Otlier  men's  reason  and  their  own  ; 

A  sort  of  error  to  ensconce 

Absurdity  and  ignorance,  l3Sfl 

That  renders  all  the  avenues 

To  truth  impervious,  and  abstrus*;. 

By  making  plain  things,  in  debate, 

By  art  perplex'd  and  intricate  : 

¥oT  nothing  goes  for  sense  or  light  1355 

That  will  not  with  old  rules  jump  righ  , 

As  if  rules  were  not  in  the  schools 

Deriv'd  from  truth  but  truth  from  rules.1 

This  pagan,  heathenish  invention 
Is  good  for  nothing  but  contention.  1360 

For  as  in  sword-and-buckler  fight, 
All  blows  do  on  the  target  light ; 
So  when  men  argue,  the  great'st  part 
O'  th'  contest  falls  on  terms  of  art. 
Until  the  fustian  stuff  be  spent,  1365 

And  then  they  fall  to  th'  argument. 

Quoth  Hudibras,  Friend  Ralph,  thou  hast 
Out-run  the  constable  at  last ; 
For  thou  art  fallen  on  a  new 

Dispute,  as  senseless  as  untrue,  1370 

But  to  the  former  opposite. 
And  contrary  as  black  to  white  ; 
Mere  disparata,!:  that  concerning 
Presbytery,  this  human  learning  ; 


As  men  mistake  or  understand  her  doctrine  : 
That  as  it  happens  proves  the  legerdemain, 
Or  practical  dexterity  of  the  brain  : 
And  renders  all  that  have  to  do  with  books, 
The  fairest  gamesters,  or  the  falsest  rooks. 
For  there's  a  wide  and  a  vast  difference, 
Between  a  man's  own,  and  another's  sense  ; 
As  is  of  those  that  drive  a  trade  upon 
Other  men's  reputation  and  their  own. 
And  as  more  cheats  are  used  in  public  stocks, 
So  those  that  trade  upon  account  of  books, 
Are  greater  rooks  than  he  who  singly  deals 
Upon  his  own  account  and  nothing  steals." 
*  See  1  Samuel  .xvii.  38. 

t  Bishop  Warburton  in  a  note  on  these  lines,  says  :  "This  oh 
servation  is  just,  the  logicians  have  run  into  strange  absurdi- 
'  ties  of  this  kind  :  Peter  Ramus,  the  best  of  them,  in  his  Logic, 
'  rejects  a  very  just  argument  of  Cicero's  as  sophistical,  because 
'  it  did  not  jump  right  with  his  rules." 
i  Things  totally  different  from  each  other. 


Canto  ui.]  HUDIBRAS.  175 

Two  things  s'  averse,  they  never  yet,  1375 

But  in  thy  rambling  fancy,  met. 

But  I  shall  take  a  fit  occasion 

T'  evince  thee  by  ratiocination. 

Some  other  time,  in  place  more  proper 

Than  this  w'  are  in  :  therefore  let's  stop  hero,      1380 

And  rest  our  weary 'd  bones  awhile, 

Akeady  tir'd  with  other  toiL 


PART  II.     CANTO  L 

THE  ARGUMENT. 

The  Knight  clapp'd  by  th'  heels  in  prison, 
The  last  unhappy  expedition,* 
Love  brings  his  action  on  the  case,t 
And  lays  it  upon  Hudibras. 
How  he  receives  the  lady's  visit, 
And  cunningly  solicits  his  suit, 
Which  she  defers  ;  yet,  on  parole, 
Redeems  him  from  th'  enchanted  hole. 


*  In  the  author's  corrected  copy,  printed  1674,  the  lines  stand 
thus ;  but  in  the  edition  printed  ten  years  before,  we  read: 
The  knight,  by  damnable  magician, 
Being  cast  illegally  in  priso7i. 

In  the  edition  of  1704  the  old  reading  was  restored,  but  we 
have  in  general  used  the  author's  corrected  copy. 

t  We  may  observe  how  justly  Mr.  Butler,  who  was  an  able 
lawyer,  applies  all  law  terms. — An  action  on  the  case,  is  a  gen- 
eral action  given  for  redress  of  wrongs  and  injuries,  done  with- 
out force,  and  by  law  not  provided  against,  in  order  to  have  sat- 
isfaction for  damages.  The  author  informs  us,  in  his  own  note, 
at  the  beginning  of  this  canto,  that  he  had  the  fourth  iEneis  of 
Virgil  in  view,  which  passes  from  the  tumults  of  war  and  the 
fatigues  of  a  dangerous  voyage,  to  the  tender  subject  of  love. 
The  French  translator  has  divided  the  poem  into  nine  cantos, 
and  not  into  parts  :  but,  as  the  poet  published  his  work  at  three 
different  times,  and  in  his  corrected  copy  continued  the  division 
into  parts,  it  is  taking  too  great  a  liberty  for  any  conimentalnr  to 
alter  that  arransement;  especially  as  he  might  do  it,  as  before 
observed,  in  lniit<uion  of  Spenser,  and  the  Italian  and  Spanish 
[jouts,  Tasso,  Ariosto,  Alonso  de  Ercilla,  izc.  &c. 


H  U  D  I B  R  A  S . 


CANTO  I. 

Bur  now,  t'  observe  romantique  method, 

Let  rusty  steel  awhile  be  sheathed  ; 

And  all  those  harsh  and  rugged  sounds* 

Of  bastinadoes,  cuts,  and  wounds, 

Exchaug'd  to  love's  more  gentle  style,  S 

To  let  our  reader  breathe  awhile  : 

In  which,  that  we  may  be  as  brief  as 

Is  possible,  by  way  of  preface. 

Is't  not  enough  to  make  one  strange,+ 
That  some  men's  fancies  should  ne'er  change,        10 
But  make  all  people  do  and  say 
The  same  things  still  the  self-same  way  ?t 
Some  writers  make  all  ladies  purloin'd. 
And  knights  pursuing  like  a  whirlwind  : 
Others  make  all  their  knights,  in  fits  15 

Of  jealousy,  to  lose  their  wits  ; 
Till  drawing  blood  o'  th'  dames,  hke  witches, 
They're  forthwith  cur'd  of  their  capriches.§ 
Some  always  thrive  in  their  amours. 
By  pulling  plasters  off  their  sores  ;1|  20 


*  Shakspeare  says, 

"  Our  stern  alarums  thang'd  to  merry  meetings, 
"  Our  dreadful  marches  to  delightful  measures." 

Richard  III.  Act  i.  sc.  1. 
t  That  is,  to  make  one  wonder  :  strange,  here,  is  an  adjective  ; 
when  a  man  sees  a  new  or  unexpected  object,  he  is  said  to  be 
stranjre  to  it. 

X  Few  men  have  genius  enough  to  vary  their  style  ;  both  poets 
and  painters  are  very  apt  to  be  mannerists. 

^  It  was  a  vulgar  notion  that,  if  you  drew  blood  from  a  witch, 
she  could  not  hurt  you.    Thus  Cleveland,  in  his  Rebel  Scot : 
Scots  are  like  witches  ;  do  but  whet  your  pen. 
Scratch  till  the  blood  comes,  they'll  not  hurt  you  then. 
II  By  shewing  their  wounds  to  the  ladies — [who,  it  must  be 
remembered,  in  the  times  of  chivalry,  were  instructed  in  surgery 
and  the  healing  art.    In  the  romance  of  Perceforest  a  young  lady 
puts  in  the  dislocated  arm  of  a  knight.] 
8* 


178  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  n 

As  cripples  do  to  get  an  alms, 

Just  so  do  they,  and  win  their  dames. 

Some  force  whole  regions,  in  despite 

O'  geography,  to  change  their  site  ; 

Make  former  times  shake  hands  with  latter,  25 

And  that  which  was  before  come  after  ;* 

But  those  that  write  in  rhyme  still  make 

The  one  verse  for  the  other's  sake  ; 

For  one  for  sense,  and  one  for  rhyme, 

I  think's  sufficient  at  one  time.  30 

But  we  forget  in  what  sad  plight 
We  whilom  left  the  captiv'd  Knight 
And  pensive  Squire,  both  bruis'd  in  body. 
And  conjur'd  into  safe  custody. 

Tir'd  with  dispute,  and  speaking  Latin,  35 

As  well  as  basting  and  bear-baiting, 
And  desperate  of  any  course. 
To  free  himself  by  wit  or  force. 
His  only  solace  was,  that  now 

His  dog-bolt  fortune  was  so  low,  40 

That  either  it  must  quickly  end, 
Or  turn  about  again,  and  mend  :t 
In  which  he  found  th'  event,  no  less 
Than  other  times,  beside  his  guess. 


*  These  were  common  faults  with  romance  writers  :  even 
Shakspeare  and  Virgil  have  not  wholly  avoided  them.  The  for- 
mer transports  his  characters,  in  a  quarter  of  an  hour,  from 
France  to  England  :  the  latter  has  formed  an  intrigue  between 
Dido  and  jEneas,  who  probably  lived  in  very  distant  periods. 
The  Spanish  writers  are  complained  of  for  these  errors.  Don 
Ciuixote,  vol.  ii.  ch.  21. 

t  it  was  a  maxim  among  the  Stoic  philosophers,  many  of 
whose  tenets  seem  to  be  adopted  by  our  knight,  that  things 
which  were  violent  could  not  be  lasting.  Si  longaest,  levisest; 
si  gravis  est,  brevis  est.  The  term  dog-bolt,  may  be  taken  from 
the  situation  of  a  rabbit,  or  other  animal,  that  is  forced  from  its 
hole  by  a  dog,  and  then  said  to  bolt.  Unless  it  ought  to  have 
been  written  dolg-bote,  which  in  the  Saxon  law  signifies  a  rec- 
ompense for  a  hurt  or  injury. — Cyclopaedia.  In  English,  dog,  in 
composition,  like  i5us  in  Greek,  implies  that  the  thing  denoted  by 
the  noun  annexed  to  it,  is  vile,  bad,  savage,  or  unfortunate  in  its 
kind  :  tlius  dog-rose,  dog-latin,  dog-trick,  dog-cheap,  and  many 
others.  [Archdeacon  Nares  considers  dog-bolt  evidently  as  a 
term  of  reproach,  and  gives  quotations  from  Johnson  to  that  ef- 
fect, and  adds,  that  no  compound  of  dog  and  bull,  in  any  sense, 
appears  to  afford  an  interpretation  of  it.  The  happiest  illustra- 
tion of  the  text  is  afforded  by  Archdeacon  Todd  from  Beaumont 
and  Fletcher's  Spanish  Curate  : 

"  For  to  say  truth,  the  lawyer  is  a  doghalt, 
"  An  arrant  worm."] 


Canto  i.]  HUDIBRAS.  179 

There  is  a  t&J  long-sided  dame,*  45 

But  wond'rous  light— ycleped  Fame, 
That  like  a  thin  camelion  boards 
Herself  on  air,t  and  eats  her  words  ;t 
Upon  her  shoulders  wings  she  wears 
Like  hanging  sleeves,  lin'd  thro'  with  ears,  50 

And  eyes,  and  tongues,  as  poets  list, 
Made  good  by  deep  mythologist : 
With  these  she  through  the  welkin  flies,§ 
And  sometimes  carries  truth,  oft'  lies  ; 
With  letters  hung,  like  eastern  pigeons,||  55 

And  Mercuries  of  furthest  regions  ; 


*  Our  author  has  evidently  followed  Virgil  (jEneid.  iv.)  in 
some  parts  of  this  description  of  Fame.    Thus  : 

Ingrediturque  solo,  et  caput  inter  nubila  condit. 

malum  qua  non  aliud  velocius  ullum : 

Mobilitate  viget,  viresque  acquirit  eundo. 

pedibus  celereni  et  pernicibus  alls. 

cui,  quot  sunt  corpore  plums, 

Tot  vigiles  oculi  subter,  mirabile  dictu, 

Tot  liugUcB,  tolidem  ora  sonant,  tot  subriget  aures. 

Tarn  ficti  pravique  tenax  quam  nuntia  veri. 

t  The  vulgar  notion  is,  that  camelions  live  on  air ;  but  they 
are  Itnown  to  feed  on  flies,  caterpillars,  and  other  insects. 

t  Mr.  Warburton  has  an  ingenious  note  on  this  passage.  "The 
"  beauty  of  it,"  he  says,  "  consists  in  the  double  meaning :  the 
"  first  alluding  to  Fame's  living  on  report ;  the  second,  an  insin- 
"  uation  that,  if  a  report  is  narrowly  inquired  into,  and  traced  up 
"  to  the  original  autlior,  it  is  made  to  contradict  itself." 

§  Welkin  is  derived  from  the  Anglo-Saxon  wolc,  wohcn,  clouds. 
[Lye  gives  as  one  meaning  of  wolc,  aer,  aetlier,  firmamentum. 
The  welkin.]  It  is  used,  in  general,  by  the  English  poets,  for  we 
seldom  meet  vv^ith  it  in  prose,  to  denote  the  sliy  or  visible  region, 
of  the  air.  But  Chaucer  seems  to  distinguish  between  sky  and 
welliin : 

He  let  a  certaine  vi-inde  ygo. 
That  blew  so  hideously  and  hie. 
That  it  ne  lefte  not  a  skie,  (cloud,) 
In  all  the  welkin  long  and  brode. 

II  Every  one  has  heard  of  the  pigeons  of  Aleppo,  which  served 
as  couriers.  The  birds  were  taken  from  their  young  ones,  and 
conveyed  to  any  distant  place  in  open  cages.  If  it  was  necessary 
to  send  home  any  intelligence,  a  pigeon  was  let  loose,  with  a 
billet  tied  to  her  foot,  and  slie  flew  back  with  tie  utmost  expe- 
dition. They  would  return  in  ten  hours  from  Alexandretto  to 
Aleppo,  and  in  two  days  from  Bagdad.  Savary  says  they  have 
traversed  the  former  in  the  space  of  five  or  six  hours.  This 
method  was  practised  at  Mutina,  when  besieged  by  Antony 
See  Pliny's  Natural  History,  lib.  x.  37.  Anacreon's  Dove  says, 
•he  was  employed  to  carry  love-letters  for  her  master. 

Kal  vvv  o7as  iKtlva 
ETrtyoXaf  /co//i^u). 

Brunck.  Analect.  torn.  L 


180  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  n 

Diunials  writ  for  regulation 

Of  lying,  to  inform  the  nation,* 

And  by  their  public  use  to  bring  down 

Tiie  rate  of  whetstones  in  the  kingdom  :t  60 

About  her  neck  a  pacquet-niale,t 

Fraught  with  advice,  some  fresh,  some  stale, 

Of  men  that  waik'd  when  they  were  dead, 

And  cows  of  monsters  brought  to  bed: 

Of  hail-stones  big  as  pullets'  eggs,  63 

And  puppies  wheiji'd  with  twice  two  legs  :§ 

A  blazing  star  seen  in  the  west, 

By  six  or  seven  men  at  leeist. 

Two  trumpets  she  does  sound  at  ouce,|| 


*  The  newspapers  of  those  times,  called  Mercuries  and  Diur- 
nals,  were  ncit  more  authentic  than  similar  publications  are  at 
present.  E;ich  party  had  its  Mercuries  :  there  was  Mercurias 
llusticus,  and  Jlercurius  Aulicns. 

t  The  observations  on  the  learning  of  Shakspeare  will  explain 
this  passage.  We  there  read  :  "  A  happy  talent  for  lying,  familiar 
"enough  to  those  men  of  tire,  who  louked  on  every  one  graver 
"  than  themselves  as  their  whetstone."  This,  you  may  remem- 
ber, is  a  proverbial  term,  denoting  an  excitement  to  lying,  or  a 
subject  that  gave  a  man  an  opportunity  of  breaking  a  jest  upon 
another. 

fungar  vice  cotis.  Hor.  Ars  Poet.  1.  304. 

Thus  Shakspeare  niakes  Celia  reply  to  Rosalind  upon  the 
entry  of  the  Clown:  "Fortune  hath  sent  this  natural  for  our 
"  wlietstiine  ;  for  always  the  ilulness  of  the  fool  is  the  whetstone 
"  of  the  wits."  And  Jonson,  alluding  to  the  same,  in  the  char- 
acter of  Amorphus,-says :  "  He  will  lye  cheaper  than  any  beggar, 
"imd  louiler  than  any  clock  ;  for  which  he  is  right  properly  ae- 
"commcjdated  to  the  whetstone,  his  page." — "This,"  says  Mr, 
Warlmrlon,  "  will  exjjlain  a  smart  repartee  of  Sir  Francis  Bacon 
'•before  king  James,  to  whom  Sir  Kenelm  Digby  was  relating, 
"that  he  had  seen  the  true  philosopher's  stone  in  the  possession 
"of  a  hermit  in  Italy:  when  tlie  king  was  very  curious  to  know 
"what  sort  of  a  stone  it  was,  and  Sir  Kenelm  nuith  puzzled  in 
"  descrdiing  it,  Sir  Francis  Bacon  said  :  '  Perhaps  it  was  a  whet- 
"  'stone.' " 

'•To  lie,  for  a  whetstone,  at  Temple  Sowerby,  in  Westmore- 
"  land."  See  Sir  J.  Harington's  Brief  View,  p.  179.  Exraooi 
Courtship,  p.  26,  n. 

[It  is  a  custom  in  the  north,  when  a  man  tells  the  greatest  lie 
in  the  company,  to  reward  him  with  a  whetstone;  which  is 
called  lying  fir  ihe  whetstone-  Budworth's  Fortnight's  Ramble 
to  the  Lakes,  chap.  6.  17U2.J 

}  This  is  a  good  trail  in  the  charncter  of  Fame  :  laden  with 
reports,  as  a  post  boy  with  letters  in  his  male.  The  word  male 
is  derived  from  the  Greek  fifjAov,  ovis;  /jj/Auith,  pcllis  ovina; 
because  made  of  leather,  Ircquenlly  sheepskin:  lience  the 
French  word  maille,  now  wriilen  in  English,  mail 

§  To  make  this  story  wonderful  as  the  rest,  ought  we  not  to 
read — thrice  two,  or  twice  four  legs  ? 

II  In  Pope's  Temple  of  Fame,  she  has  the  trumpet  of  eternal 
praise,  and  the  trumpet  of  slander.    Chaucer  makes  jEolus  an 


Canto  i.]  HUDIBRAS.  181 

But  both  of  clean  contrary  tones  ;  70 

But  vvliether  both  with  the  same  wind, 

Or  one  before,  and  one  behind,* 

We  know  not,  only  this  can  tell. 

The  one  sounds  vilely,  tli'  other  well, 

And  therefore  vulgar  authors  name  75 

The  one  Good,  th'  other  Evil  Fame. 

This  tattling  gossipt  knew  too  well. 
What  mischief  Hudibras  befel ; 
And  straight  the  spightful  tidings  bears, 
Of  all,  to  th'  unkind  widow's  ears.t  80 

Democritus  ne'er  laugh'd  so  loud,§ 
To  see  bawds  carted  through  the  crowd, 
Or  funerals  with  stately  pomp, 
March  slowly  on  in  solemn  dump. 
As  she  laugh'd  out,  until  her  back,  S3 

As  well  as  sides,  was  like  to  crack. 
She  vow'd  she  would  go  see  the  sight. 
And  visit  the  distressed  Knight, 
To  do  the  office  of  a  neighbour. 

And  be  a  gossip  at  his  labour ;  90 

And  from  his  wooden  jail,  the  stocks. 
To  set  at  large  his  fetter-locks, 
And  by  exchange,  parole,  or  ransom, 
To  free  him  from  th'  enchanted  mansion. 
This  b'ing  resolv'd,  she  call'd  for  hood  95 

And  usher,  implements  abroad|| 
Which  ladies  wear,  beside  a  slender 
Young  waiting  damsel  to  attend  her. 


attendant  on  Fame,  and  blow  the  clarion  of  laud  and  the  clarion 
of  slander,  alternately,  according  to  her  directions  :  the  latter  is 
described  as  black  and  stinkinp. 

*  This  Hudibrastick  description  is  imitated,  but  very  un- 
eqtially,  by  Cotton,  in  his  Travesty  of  the  fourth  book  of  Virgil. 

t  Gossip  or  god-sib  is  a  Saxon  word,  signifying  cognata  e.t 
parte  dei,  or  godmother.  It  is  now  likewise  become  an  appella- 
tion for  any  idle  woman.    Tattle,  l  e.  sine  modo  garrire. 

}  Protinus  ad  regem  cursus  detorquet  [arban, 

Incenditque  animum  dictis.  Virg.  ^En.  iv.  196. 

$  Perpetuo  risu  pulmonem  8.gitare  solebat 

Democritus 

Ridebat  curas,  nee  non  et  i;audia  vulgi, 

Interdum  et  lacrymas.  Juv.  Sat.  x.  34-51. 

II  Some  have  doubted  whether  the  word  usher  denotes  aa 
attendant,  or  part  of  her  dress ,  but  ifirom  P.  iii.  c.  iii  1.  399,  it  ts 
plain  that  it  signifies  the  former. 

Beside  two  more  of  her  retinue, 
To  testify  what  pass'd  I  jtween  yon. 


183  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  u 

All  which  appearing,  on  she  went 

To  find  the  Knight  in  limbo  pent.  IOC 

And  'twas  not  long  before  she  found 

Him,  and  his  stout  Squire,  in  the  pound ; 

Both  coupled  in  enchanted  tether, 

By  further  leg  behind  together : 

For  as  he  set  upon  his  rump,  105 

His  head,  like  one  in  doleful  dump. 

Between  his  knees,  his  hands  apply'd 

Unto  his  ears  on  either  side. 

And  by  him,  in  another  hole. 

Afflicted  Ralpho,  cheek  by  joul,*  110 

She  came  upon  him  in  his  wooden 

Magician's  circle,  on  the  sudden, 

As  spirits  do  t'  a  conjurer, 

When  in  their  dreadful  shapes  th'  appear. 

No  sooner  did  the  Knight  perceive  her,  115 

But  straight  he  fell  into  a  fever, 
Inflam'd  all  over  with  disgrace, 
To  be  seen  by  her  in  such  a  place ; 
Which  made  him  hang  his  head,  and  scowl. 
And  wink  and  goggle  like  an  owl ;  130 

He  felt  his  brains  begin  to  swim. 
When  thus  the  Dame  accosted  him  : 

This  place,  quoth  she,  they  say's  enchanted, 
And  vrith  delinquent  spirits  haunted  ; 
That  here  are  ty'd  in  chains,  and  scourg'd,  125 

Until  their  guilty  crimes  be  purg'd : 
Look,  there  are  two  of  them  appear 
Like  persons  I  have  seen  somewhere : 
Some  have  mistaken  blocks  and  posts 
For  spectres,  apparitions,  ghosts,  130 

With  saucer-eyes  and  horns  ;  and  some 
Have  heard  the  devil  beat  a  drum  :t 
But  if  our  eyes  are  not  false  glasses, 
That  give  a  wrong  account  of  faces. 
That  beard  and  I  should  be  acquainted,  135 

Before  'twas  conjur'd  and  enchanted. 
For  though  it  be  disfigur'd  somewhat, 
As  if 't  had  lately  been  in  combat. 


*  That  is,  cheek  to  cheek  ;  sometimes  pronounced  jig  by  jole ; 
but  here  properly  written,  and  derived,  from  two  Anglo-Saxon 
words,  ceac,  maxilla,  and  ciol,  or  ciole,  guttur. 

t  The  stor^'  of  Mr.  Mompesson's  house  being  haunted  by  a 
drummer,  made  a  great  noise  about  the  time  our  author  wrote 
The  narrative  is  in  Mr.  Glanvil's  book  of  Witchcraft. 


Canto  i.J  HUDIBRAS.  183 

It  did  belong  t'  a  worthy  Knight, 

Howe'er  this  gobhn  is  come  by't.  140 

When  Hudibras  the  Lady  heard 
To  take  kind  notice  of  his  beard, 
And  speak  with  such  respect  and  lionour, 
Both  of  the  beard  and  the  beard's  owner,* 
He  thought  it  best  to  set  as  good  145 

A  face  upon  it  as  he  cou'd, 
And  thus  ho  spoke  :  Lady,  your  bflght 
And  radiant  eyes  are  in  the  right ; 
The  beard's  th'  identique  beard  you  knew, 
The  same  numerically  true  :  150 

Nor  is  it  worn  by  fiend  or  elf, 
But  its  proprietor  himself. 

O  heavens  !  quoth  she,  can  that  be  true  ? 
I  do  begin  to  fear  'tis  you ; 

Not  by  your  individual  whiskers,  155 

But  by  your  dialect  and  discourse, 
That  never  spoke  to  man  or  beast, 
In  notions  vulgarly  exprest : 

*  See  the  dignity  of  the  beard  maintained  by  Dr.  Bulwer  in 
his  Artificial  Changeling,  p.  196.  He  says,  shaving  the  chin  is 
justly  to  be  accounted  a  note  of  efleminacy,  as  appears  by  eu- 
nuchs, who  produce  not  a  beard,  the  sign  of  virility.  Alexander 
and  his  officers  did  not  shave  their  beards  till  they  were  effemi- 
nated by  Persian  luxury.  It  was  late  before  barbers  were  in 
request  at  Rome  :  they  first  came  from  Sicily  454  years  after  the 
foundation  of  Rome.  Varro  tells  us  they  were  introduced  by 
Ticinius  Mena.  Scipio  Africanus  was  the  first  who  shaved  his 
face  every  day:  the  emperor  Augustus  used  this  practice.  See 
Pliny's  Nat.  Hist.  b.  vii.  c.  59.  Diogenes  seeing  one  with  a 
smooth  shaved  chin,  said  to  him,  "  Hast  thou  whereof  to  accuse 
"  nature  for  making  thee  a  man  and  not  a  woman  1" — The  Rho- 
dians  and  Byzantines,  contrary  to  the  practice  of  modern  Rus- 
sians, persisted  against  their  laws  and  edicts  in  shaving,  and  the 
use  of  the  razor. — Ulmus  de  fine  barbcc  humancE,  is  of  opinion, 
that  the  beard  seems  not  merely  for  ornament,  or  age,  or  sex,  not 
for  covering  nor  cleanliness,  but  to  serve  the  office  of  the  human 
soul.  And  that  nature  gave  to  mankind  a  beard,  that  it  might 
remain  as  an  index  in  the  face  of  the  masculine  generative  fac- 
ulty.— Beard-haters  are  by  Barclay  clapped  on  board  the  ship  of 
fools : 

Laudis  erat  quandam  barbatos  esse  parentes 

Atque  supercilium  mento  gestare  pudico 

Socratis  exempio,  barbara  nutrire  solebant 

Cultores  sophiae. 
False  hair  was  worn  by  the  Roman  ladies.    Martial  says : 

Jurat  capillos  esse,  quos  emit,  suos 

FabuUa  nunquid  ilia,  Paulle,  pejerat. 
And  again :  Ovid,  de  Art.  Amandi,  iii.  1G5 : 

Foemina  procedit  densissima  crinibus  emptis ; 
Proque  suis  alios  efficit  sere  suos : 

Nee  pudor  est  emisse  palam. 


184  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  n 

But  what  malignant  star,  alas  ! 

Has  brought  you  both  to  this  sad  pass  ?  160 

Quoth  he,  The  fortune  of  the  war, 
Which  I  am  less  afflicted  for, 
Than  to  be  seen  with  beard  and  face 
By  you  in  such  a  homely  case. 

Quoth  she.  Those  need  not  be  asham'd  165 

For  being  honourably  maim'd  ; 
If  he  that  is  in  battle  conquer'd. 
Have  any  title  to  his  own  beard, 
Tho'  yours  be  sorely  lugg'd  and  too, 
It  does  your  visage  more  adorn  170 

Than  if  'twere  prun'd,  and  starch'd  and  lander'd, 
And  cut  sCjUare  by  the  Russian  standard.* 
A  torn  beard's  like  a  tatter'd  ensign, 
That's  bravest  which  there  are  most  rents  in. 
That  petticoat,  about  your  shoulders,  175 

Does  not  so  well  become  a  soldier's ; 
And  I'm  afraid  they  are  worse  handled, 
Altho'  i'  th'  rear,  your  beard  the  van  led  ;t 
And  those  uneasy  bruises  make 

My  heart  for  company  to  ake,  180 

To  see  so  worshipful  a  friend 
I'  th'  pillory  set,  at  the  wrong  end. 

Quoth  Hudibras,  This  thing  call'd  pain,t 
Is,  as  the  learned  stoics  maintain. 
Not  bad  simpliciter,  nor  good,  185 

But  merely  as  'tis  understood. 
Sense  is  deceitful,  and  may  feign 
As  well  in  counterfeiting  pain 
As  other  gross  phtenomenas, 

In  which  it  oft'  mistakes  the  case.  190 

But  since  th'  immortal  intellect, 
That's  free  from  error  and  defect. 


*  The  beans  in  the  reign  of  James  I.  and  Charles  I.  spent  as 
much  time  in  dressing  their  beards,  as  modern  beaus  do  in  dress- 
ing their  hair ;  and  many  of  them  kept  a  person  to  read  to  them 
while  the  operation  was  performing.  It  is  well  known  what 
great  difficulty  the  Czar  Peter  of  Russia  met  with  in  obliging  his 
subjects  to  cut  off  their  beards. 

t  The  van  is  the  fron  or  fore  part  of  an  army,  and  commonly 
the  post  of  danger  and  honor  ;  the  rear  the  hinder  part.  So  that 
making  a  front  in  the  rear  must  be  retreating  from  the  enemy. 
By  this  comical  expression  the  lady  signifies  that  he  turned  tail 
to  them,  by  which  means  his  shoulders  sped  worse  than  his 
beard. 

t  Some  tenets  of  the  stoic  philosophers  are  here  burlesqued 
with  great  humor 


Canto  i.]  HUDIBRAS.  185 

Whose  objects  still  persist  the  same, 

Is  free  from  outward  bruise  or  maim, 

Which  nought  external  can  expose  195 

To  gross  material  bangs  or  blows, 

It  follows  we  can  ne'er  be  sure 

Whether  we  pain  or  not  endure  ; 

And  just  so  far  are  sore  and  griev'd. 

As  by  the  fancy  is  believ'd.  200 

Some  have  been  wounded  with  conceit, 

And  died  of  mere  opinion  straight  ;* 

Others,  tho'  wounded  sore  in  reason. 

Felt  no  contusion,  nor  discretion.t 

A  Saxon  Duke  did  grow  so  fat,  205 

That  mice,  as  histories  relate. 

Ate  grots  and  labyrinths  to  dwell  in 

His  postique  parts,  without  his  feeling ; 

Then  how  is't  possible  a  kick 

Should  e'er  reach  that  way  to  the  quick  ?t  210 

Quoth  she,  I  grant  it  is  in  vain, 
For  one  that's  basted  to  feel  pain  ; 
Because  the  pangs  his  bones  endure. 
Contribute  nothing  to  the  cure  ; 

Yet  honour  hurt  is  wont  to  rage  215 

With  pain  no  med'ciue  can  assuage. 

Quoth  he.  That  honour's  very  squeamish 
That  takes  a  basting  for  a  blemish : 

*  In  Grey's  note  on  this  passage  there  are  several  stories  of 
this  sort  ;  of  which  the  most  remarkable  is  the  case  of  the  Chev- 
alier Jarre,  "who  was  upnn  the  scaffold  at  Troyes,  had  his  hair 
"  cut  off,  the  handkerchief  before  his  eyes,  and  the  sword  in  the 
"  executioner's  hand  to  cut  off  his  head  ;  but  the  king  pardoned 
"  hini :  being  taken  up,  his  fear  had  so  taken  hold  of  him,  that 
"  he  could  not  stand  nor  speak  :  they  led  him  to  bed,  and  opened 
"a  vein,  but  no  blood  would  come."  Lord  Stafford's  Letters, 
vol.  i.  p.  1G6. 

t  As  it  is  here  stopped,  it  signifies,  others  though  really  and 
Eorely  wounded,  (see  the  Lady's  Answer,  line  212)  felt  no  bruise 
or  cut:  but  if  we  put  a  semicolon  after  sore,  and  no  slop  after 
reason,  the  meaning  may  be,  others  though  wounded  sore  in  body, 
yet  in  mind  or  imaginati^n  felt  no  bruise  or  cut.  Discretion, 
here  signifies  a  cut,  or  separation  of  parts. 

+  He  justly  argues  from  this  story,  that  if  a  man  could  be  so 
gnawed  and  mangled  in  those  parts,  without  his  feeling  it,  a 
kick  in  the  same  place  would  not  nuich  hurt  him.  See  Butler's 
Keniains,  vol.  i.  p.  31,  where  it  is  asserted,  that  the  note  in  the 
old  editions  is  by  Butler  himself.  1  cannot  fix  this  story  on  any 
particular  duke  of  Saxony.  It  may  be  paralleled  by  the  case  of 
an  inferior  animal,  as  related  by  a  pretended  eye-witness. — In 
Arcadia  scio  me  esse  spectatuni  suem,  quas  prte  pinguedine  car- 
nis,  non  modo  surgere  non  posset  ;  sed  etiam  ut  in  ejus  corpore 
sorex,  exesa  carne,  nidum  fecisset,  et  peperissit  mures.  Varro, 
U.  4,  12. 


186  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  n 

For  wliat's  more  honourable  than  scars, 

Or  skin  to  tatters  rent  in  wars  ?  820 

Some  have  been  beaten  till  they  know 

What  wood  a  cudgel's  of  by  th'  blow  ; 

Some  kick'd,  until  they  can  feel  whether 

A  shoe  be  Spanish  or  neat's  leather : 

And  yet  have  met,  after  long  running,  225 

With  some  whom  they  have  taught  that  cunning. 

The  furthest  way  about,  t'  o'ercome, 

r  th'  end  does  prove  the  nearest  home 

By  laws  of  learned  duellists. 

They  that  are  bruis'd  with  wood,  or  fists,  230 

And  think  one  beating  may  for  once 

Suffice,  are  cowards  and  poltroons  : 

But  if  they  dare  engage  t'  a  second. 

They're  stout  and  gallant  fellows  reckon'd 

Th'  old  Romans  freedom  did  bestow,  235 

Our  princes  worship,  with  a  blow  :* 
King  Pyrrhus  cur'd  his  splenetic 
And  testy  courtiers  with  a  kick.t 


*  One  form  of  declaring  a  slave  free,  at  Rome,  was  for  the 
prJEtor,  in  the  presence  of  certain  persons,  to  give  the  slave  a  light 
stroke  with  a  small  stick,  from  its  use  called  vindicta. 

Tune  mihi  dominus,  rerum  imperils  hominumque 
Tot  tantisque  minor  ;  quern  ter  vindicta  quaterque 
Imposita  haud  unquam  miserii  formidine  privet '? 

Horat.  Sat.  ii.  7,  75. 

Vindicta,  postquam  mens  a  prastore  recessi, 
Cur  mihi  non  liceat  jussit  quodcunque  voluntas. 
Persius,  v.  88. 
Sometimes  freedom  was  given  by  an  alapa,  or  blow  with  the 
open  hand  upon  the  face  or  head  : 

quibus  una  Quinfem 

Vertigo  facit.  Pers.  v.  75. 

duos  manumittebant  eos,  Alapa  percusses,  circumageban  el 
liberos  confirmabant :  from  hence,  perhaps,  came  the  saying  of 
a  man's  being  giddy,  or  having  his  head  turned  with  his  good 
fortune. 

Verterit  hunc  dominus,  momento  turbinis  exit 
Marcus  Dama.  Pers.  v.  78. 

t  It  was  a  general  belief  that  he  could  cure  the  spleen  by 
sacrificing  a  white  cock,  and  with  his  right  foot  gently  pressing 
the  spleen  of  the  persons,  laid  down  on  their  backs,  a  little  on 
one  side.  Nor  was  any  so  poor  and  inconsiderable  as  not  to 
receive  the  benefit  of  his  royal  touch,  if  he  desired  it.  The 
toe  of  that  foot  was  said  to  have  a  divine  virtue,  for  after  his 
death  the  rest  of  his  body  being  consumed,  this  was  found  un- 
hurt and  untouched  by  the  fire.  Vid.  Plutarch,  in  Vita  Pyrrhi, 
tub  initio. 


Canto    ]  HUDIBRAS.  187 

The  Negus,*  when  some  mighty  lord 

Or  potentate's  to  bo  restor'd,  240 

And  pardon'd  for  some  great  cfFence, 

With  which  he's  willing  to  dispense, 

First  has  him  laid  upon  his  belly. 

Then  beaten  back  and  side,  t'  a  jelly  ;t 

That  done,  he  rises,  humbly  bows,  245 

And  gives  thanks  for  the  princely  blows  ; 

Departs  not  meanly  proud,  and  boasting 

Of  his  magnificent  rib-roasting. 

The  beaten  soldier  proves  most  manful. 

That,  like  his  sword,  endures  the  anvil, t  200 

And  justly's  found  so  formidable. 

The  more  his  valour's  malleable  : 

But  he  that  fears  a  bastinado. 

Will  run  away  from  his  own  shadow  :§ 

And  though  I'm  now  in  durance  fast,  855 

By  our  own  party  basely  cast, 

Ransom,  exchange,  parole,  refus'd. 

And  worst  than  by  the  en'my  us'd  ; 

In  close  catastall  shut,  past  hope 

Of  wit  or  valour  to  elope  ;  260 

As  beards,  the  nearer  that  they  tend 

To  th'  earth,  still  grow  more  reverend  ; 

And  cannons  shoot  the  higher  pitches. 

The  lower  we  let  down  their  breeches  ; 

I'll  make  this  low  dejected  fate  265 

Advance  me  to  a  greater  height. IT 

Quoth  she.  You've  almost  made  m'  in  love 
With  that  which  did  my  pity  move. 
Great  wits  and  valours,  like  great  states. 


*  Negus  was  king  of  Abyssinia. 

t  This  story  is  tolrt  in  Le  Blanc's  Travels,  Part  ii.  ch.  4. 

t  TirrrtaOai,  ftiSpo; 

See  the  character  of  a  parasite  in  the  Comic  Fragments,  Grot 
dicta  Poetarum  apwi  StobcEum. 

§  Tbe  fury  of  Buceplialus  proceeded  from  the  fear  of  his  own 
ihadovv.     Rabelais,  vol.  i.  c.  14. 

II  A  cage  or  prison  wherein  slaves  were  exposed  for  sale : 

ne  sit  praestantior  alter 

Cappadocas  rigida  pingues  plausisse  catasta. 

Persius,  vi.  76. 

T  aJj-E  foj^tiy  irpbs  BcZv 

UpaTTtov  KaKio;  Xiav  advixijat)  ~ori. 
*I»os  Y^P  ayadov  touto  ■7rp6(paats  ylvcrat. 

Menand,  Fragm.  p.  108. 


188  HUDIBRAS.  [Pakt  ii 

Do  sometimes  sink  with  their  own  weights  :*  270 

Th'  extremes  of  glory  and  of  shame, 

Like  east  and  west,  become  the  same.t 

No  Indian  prince  has  to  his  palace 

More  followers  than  a  thief  to  the  gallows. 

But  if  a  beating  seems  so  brave,  275 

What  glories  must  a  whipping  have? 

Such  great  atchievements  cannot  fail 

To  cast  salt  on  a  woman's  tail  :t 

For  if  I  thought  your  nat'ral  talent 

Of  passive  courage  were  so  gallant,  280 

As  you  strain  hard  to  have  it  thought, 

I  could  grow  amorous,  and  dote. 

When  Hudibras  this  language  heard. 
He  prick'd  up's  ears,  and  strok'd  his  beard  ; 
Thought  he,  this  is  the  lucky  hour,  285 

Wines  work  when  vines  are  in  the  flower  :§ 
This  crisis  then  I'll  set  my  rest  on. 
And  put  her  boldly  to  the  quest'on. 

Madam,  what  you  would  seem  to  doubt 
Shall  be  to  all  the  world  made  out,  290 

How  I've  been  drubb'd,  and  with  what  spirit, 
And  magnanimity  I  bear  it ; 
And  if  you  doubt  it  to  be  true, 
I'll  stake  myself  down  against  you  : 
And  if  I  fail  in  love  or  troth, ||  295 

Be  you  the  winner  and  take  both. 


*  Suis  et  ipsa  Roma  viribus  ruit.        Hor.  Ep.  xvi. 

t  That  is,  glory  and  shame,  which  are  as  opposite  as  east  and 
west,  become  the  same  as  in  the  two  followinj;  verses : 
No  Indian  prince  has  to  his  palace 
More  followers  than  a  thief  to  the  gallows. 

X  Alluding  to  the  common  saying : — You  will  catch  the  bird 
f  you  throw  salt  on  liis  tail. 

§  A  proverbial  expression  for  the  fairest  and  best  opportunity 
of  doing  any  thing.  It  is  a  common  observation  among  brewers, 
distillers  of  Geneva,  and  vinegar  makers,  that  their  liquors  fer- 
ment best  when  the  plants  used  in  them  are  in  the  flower.  Boer- 
haave's  Chem.  4to.  p.  288.  Hudibras  vainly  compares  himself 
to  the  vine  in  flower,  for  he  thinks  he  has  set  the  widow  fer- 
menting. Willis  de  Ferment,  says,  Vulgo  increbuit  opinio  quod 
selecta  quaidam  anni  tempora,  ea  nimirum  in  quibus  vesetabilia 
cujus  generis  florent,  &c.  et  vina  quo  tempore  vitis  eftlorescit, 
turgescentias  denuo  concipiant.  See  also  Sir  Kenelm  Digby  on 
the  cure  of  wounds  by  sympathetic  powder.  Stains  in  linen,  by 
vegetable  juices,  are  most  easily  taken  out  when  the  several 
plants  are  in  their  prime.  E.vamples,  in  raspberries,  quinces, 
hops,  &c.    See  Boyle's  History  of  Air. 

ll  The  word  troth,  from  the  Sa.\on  treoth,  signifies  punctaality 
or  fidelity  in  performing  an  agreement. 


(  4NTO  1.]  HUDIBRAS.  189 

Quoth  she,  I've  heard  old  cunning  stagers 
Say,  fools  for  arguments  use  wagers. 
And  though  I  prais'd  your  valour,  yet 
I  did  not  mean  to  baulk  your  wit,  100 

Which,  if  you  have,  you  must  needs  know 
What,  I  have  told  you  before  now, 
And  you  b'  experiment  have  prov'd, 
I  cannot  love  where  I'm  belov'd. 

Quoth  Hudibras,  'Tis  a  caprich*  3W 

Beyond  the  infliction  of  a  witch  ; 
So  cheats  to  play  with  tiiose  still  aim, 
That  do  not  understand  the  game. 
Love  in  your  heart  as  idly  burns. 
As  fire  in  antique  Roman  urns,t  310 

To  warm  the  dead,  and  vainly  light 
Those  only  that  see  nothing  by't. 
Have  you  not  power  to  entertain. 
And  render  love  for  love  again  ? 

As  no  man  can  draw  in  his  breatli  315 

At  once,  and  force  out  air  beneath. 
Or  do  you  love  yourself  so  much, 
To  bear  all  rivals  else  a  grutch  ? 
What  fate  can  lay  a  greater  curse, 
Thau  you  upon  yourself  would  force  ;  320 

For  wedlock,  without  love,  some  say, 
Is  but  a  lock  without  a  key. 
It  is  a  kind  of  rape  to  marry 
One  that  neglects,  or  cares  not  for  ye  : 

*  A  wliim  or  fancy ;  from  the  Italian  word  capriccio. 

t  Fortuniiis  Licetus  wrote  a  large  discourse  concerning  theso 
urns,  from  whence  Bishop  Wilkins,  in  his  Mathematical  Me- 
moirs, halh  recited  many  particulars.  In  Camden's  Description 
of  Yorkshire,  a  lamp  is  said  to  have  been  Ibund  in  the  tomb  of 
Constantius  Chlorus.  An  extraordinary  one  is  mentioned  by  St. 
Augustin,  De  Civitate  Dei,  21,  6.  Argyro  est  phanum  Veneris 
super  mare  :  ibi  est  lucerna  super  candelabrum  posita,  lucens 
ad  mare  sub  divo  coeli,  nam  neque  ventus  aspergit  neque  pluvia 
extinguii.  The  story  of  the  lamp  in  the  sepulchre  of  Tullia,  the 
daughter  of  Cicero,  which  was  supposed  to  have  burnt  above 
1550  years,  is  told  by  Pancirollus  and  others  ;  sed  credat  Jud.TUs. 
M.  le  Prince  de  St.  Severe  accounts  for  the  appearance  on  philo- 
sophical principles,  in  a  pamphlet  published  at  Naples,  1753. 
"  Je  crois,"  says  he,  "  d'avoir  convaincu  d'etre  fabuleuse  I'opin- 
"  ion  des  lampes  perpetuelles  des  anciens.  Les  lumieres 
"  imaginaires,  que  Ton  a  vu  quelqnefois  dans  les  anciens  sepul- 
"  cres,  one  6t6  produites  par  le  subite  ascension  des  sels  qui 
"  y  6toient  renferm6es."  He  should  rather  have  said,  by  in- 
flammable air,  so  frequently  generated  in  pits  and  caverns.  This 
supposition  is  confirmed  by  a  letter  of  Jerome  Giordano  to  the 
noble  author,  dated  Lucera,  Sept.  10,  1753.  giving  a  curious  ac 
count  of  an  ancient  sepulchre  opene.  there  in  that  year. 


190  HUDIBRAS.  fFART  n 

For  what  does  make  it  ravishment,  325 

But  b'ing  against  the  mind's  consent  ? 

A  rape,  that  is  the  more  inhuman. 

For  being  acted  by  a  woman 

Why  are  you  fair,  but  to  entice  us 

To  love  you,  tliat  you  may  despise  us  ?  330 

But  though  you  cannot  love,  you  say. 

Out  of  your  own  fantastic  way,* 

Why  should  you  not,  at  least,  allow 

Those  that  love  you,  to  do  so  too : 

For,  as  you  fly  me,  and  pursue  333 

Love  more  averse,  so  I  do  you  ; 

And  am,  by  your  own  doctrine,  taught 

To  practise  what  you  call  a  fault. 

Quoth  she.  If  what  you  say  be  true, 
You  must  tly  me,  as  I  do  you  ;  340 

But  'tis  not  what  we  do,  but  say. 
In  love,  and  preaching,  that  must  sway. 

Quoth  he.  To  bid  me  not  to  love. 
Is  to  forbid  my  pulse  to  move. 

My  beard  to  grow,  my  ears  to  prick  up,  345 

Or,  when  I'm  in  a  fit,  to  hickup : 
Command  me  to  piss  out  the  moon. 
And  'twill  as  easily  be  done. 
Love's  power's  too  great  to  be  withstood 
By  feeble  human  flesh  and  blood.  350 

'Twas  he  that  brought  upon  his  knees 
The  hect'ring  kill-cow  Hercules  ; 
Reduc'd  his  leaguer-lion's  skin 
T'  a  petticoat,t  and  made  him  spin : 

*  It  has  generally  been  printed  fanatic  ;  but,  I  believe,  most 
readers  will  approve  of  Dr.  Grey's  alteration.    It  agrees  better 
with  the  sense,  and  with  what  she  says  afterwards  : 
Yet  'tis  no  fantastic  pique 
I  have  to  love,  nor  coy  dislike. 
Though  fanatic  sometimes  signifies  mad,  irrational,  absurd ; 
thus  Juvenal,  iv. : 

ut  fanaticus  a:stro, 

Percussus,  Bellona,  tuo 

t  Leaguer  signifies  a  siege  laid  to  a  town  ;  it  seems  to  be  also 
used  for  a  pitched  or  standing  camp :  a  leaguer  coat  is  a  sort  of 
watch  cloak,  or  coat  used  by  soldiers  when  they  are  at  a  siege, 
or  upon  duty.  Hudibras  here  speaks  of  the  lion's  skin  as  Her- 
cules's  leaguer,  or  military  habit,  his  campaign  coat.  See  Skin- 
ner's Lexicon  :  art.  Leaguer.  Ltena,  in  Latin,  is  by  Ainsworth 
translated  a  soldier's  leaguer  coat.  Hercules  changed  clothes 
With  Omphale.    Ovid.  Fasti,  li. 

Cultibus  Alciden  instruit  ilia  suis. 

Dat  tenues  tunicas  Ga;tulo  murice  tinctas; 

Ipsa  capit  clavamque  gravem,  spoliumque  leotiis. 


Canto  i.]  HUDIBRAS.  191 

Seiz'd  on  his  club  and  made  it  dwindle*  355 

T'  a  feeble  distaff,  and  a  spindle. 

'Twas  he  made  emperors  gallants 

To  their  own  sisters,  and  their  aunts  ; 

Set  popes  and  cardinals  agog, 

To  play  with  pages  at  leap-frog  ;t  360 

'Twas  he  that  gave  our  senate  purges. 

And  flux'd  the  house  of  many  a  burgess  ;t 

Made  those  that  represent  the  nation 

Submit,  and  suffer  amputation  : 

And  all  the  grandees  o'  th'  cabal,  365 

Adjourn  to  tubs,  at  spring  and  fail. 

He  mounted  synod-men,  and  rode  'em 

To  Durty-lane  and  little  Sodom  ; 

Made  'em  curvet,  like  Spanisli  gennets. 

And  take  the  ring  at  madam .§  370 

'Twas  he  that  made  Saint  Francis  do 

More  than  the  devil  could  tempt  him  to  ;|| 

In  oold  and  frosty  weather  grow 

Enamour'd  of  a  wife  of  snow  ; 

And  though  she  were  of  rigid  temper,  375 

With  melting  flames  accost  and  tempt  he'  ; 

Which,  after  in  enjoyment  quenching 

He  hung  a  garland  on  his  pygine  "if 

Quoth  she,  If  Icve  rJave  these  effects, 
Why  is  it  not  fcioid  our  sex?  380 

Why  is't  !jot  damn'd,  and  interdicted, 
For  dij^bolical  and  wicked  ? 
Aiia  sung,  as  out  of  tune,  against, 

*  Mffionias  inter  calathum  tenuisse  piiellas 

Diceris  ;  et  dnminae  pertiranisse  niinas. 
Non  fugis,  Alcide,  victiicein  mille  laborutn 

Rasilibus  caiathis  imposuisse  nianum  1 
Crassaque  robusto  deducis  pollice  flla, 
^quaque  formosae  pensa  rependis  hers. 

Ovid.  Epist.  Dejanira  Herculi. 
t  Cardinal  Casa,  archbishop  of  Beneventum,  was  accused  of 
having  written  some  Italian  verses,  in  his  youth,  in  praise  of 
sodomy 

I  This  alludes  to  Oliver  Cromwell  turning  the  members  out 
of  the  house  of  commons,  and  calling  Harry  Martin  and  Sir  Pe- 
ter Wentworth  whoremasters.  Echard's  History  of  England, 
vol.  ii.  p.  275. 
$  The  Tatler  mentions  a  lady  of  this  stamp,  called  Bennet. 
Ii  In  the  legend  of  the  life  of  St.  Francis,  we  are  told,  that  be- 
ing tempted  by  the  devil  in  the  shape  of  a  virgin,  he  subdued 
his  passion,  by  embracing  a  pillar  of  snow. 

IT  In  the  history  of  the  life  of  Lewis  XIII.  by  James  Howell, 
Esq.,  p.  80,  it  is  said,  that  the  French  horsemen  who  were  killed 
at  the  Isle  of  Rhe,  had  their  mistresses'  favors  tied  about  their 
engines. 


192  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  n 

As  Turk  and  Pope  are  by  the  saints  ?* 

I  find,  I've  greater  reason  for  it,  383 

Than  I  believ'd  before  t'  abhor  it. 

Quoth  Hudibras,  these  sad  effects 
Spring  from  your  heathenish  neglects 
Of  love's  great  pow'r,  which  he  returns 
Upon  yourselves  with  equal  scorns  ;  390 

And  those  who  worthy  lovers  slight, 
Plagues  with  prepost'rous  appetite  ; 
This  made  the  beauteous  queen  of  Crete 
To  take  a  town-bull  for  her  sweet  ;t 
And  from  her  greatness  stoop  so  low,  395 

To  bo  the  rival  of  a  cow. 
Others,  to  prostitute  their  great  hearts. 
To  be  baboons'  and  monkeys'  sweet-hearts. 
Some  with  the  dev'l  himself  in  league  grow, 
By's  representative  a  negro  ;  400 

'Twas  this  made  vestal  maids  love-sick, 
And  venture  to  be  buried  quick.t 
Some  by  their  fathers  and  their  brothers, § 
To  be  made  mistresses,  and  mothers. 
'Tis  this  that  proudest  dames  enamours  405 

On  lacquies,  and  varlets-des-chambres  ;1| 
Their  haughty  stomachs  overcomes, 


*  Perhaps  the  saints  were  fond  of  Robert  Wisdom's  hymn  : 

'•  Preserve  lis,  Lord,  by  thy  dear  word — 
"  From  Turlc  and  Pope,  defend  us,  Lord." 

t  Pasiphag,  the  wife  of  Minos,  was  in  love  with  a  man,  whose 
name  was  Taurus,  or  bull. 

t  By  the  Roman  law  the  vestal  virgins  were  bnried  alive,  if 
they  broke  their  vow  of  chastity. 

5  jMyrrha  patrem,  sed  non  quo  filia  debet,  amavit. 

Ovid,  de  Arte  Am.  i.  285. 

II  Varlet  was  formerly  used  in  the  same  sense  as  valet :  per- 
haps our  poet  might  please  himself  with  the  meaning  given  to 
this  word  in  later  days,  when  it  came  to  denote  a  rogue.  The 
word  knave,  which  now  signifies  a  cheat,  formerly  meant  no 
more  than  a  servant.  Thus,  in  an  old  translation  of  St.  Paul's 
Epistles,  and  in  Dryden.  Mr.  Butler,  in  his  Posthumous  Works, 
uses  the  word  varlet  for  bunibaililf,  though  I  dn  not  find  it  in  this 
sense  in  any  dictionary.  See  Butler's  Genuine  Remains,  vol.  ii. 
pp.  81,  and  171.    Thus  fur  in  Latin  : 

Quid  domini  faciant,  audent  cum  talia  fures. 

Virg.  Eel.  iii.  16. 

Exilis  domus  est,  ubi  nou  et  multa  supersunt, 
Et  dominum  fallunt,  et  prosunt  furibus. 

Hor.  Epist.  lib.  i.  6,  45. 

This  passage  is  quoted  by  Fiutarcn  in  the  life  of  LucuUas. 


Canto  i.J  HUDIBRAS.  I93 

And  makes  'em  stoop  to  dirty  grooms, 

To  slight  tlie  world,  and  to  disparage 

Claps,  issue,  infamy,  and  marriage.*  410 

Quoth  she,  These  judgments  are  eevere, 
Yet  such  as  I  should  rather  bear, 
Than  trust  men  with  their  oaths,  or  prove 
Their  faith  and  secrecy  in  love. 

Says  he.  There  is  a  weighty  reason  413 

Fore  secrecy  in  love  as  treason. 
Love  is  a  burglarer,  a  felon. 
That  iu  the  windore-eye  does  steal  int 
To  rob  the  heart,  and,  with  his  prey. 
Steals  out  again  a  closer  way,  420 

Which  whosoever  can  discover, 
He's  sure,  as  he  deserves,  to  suffer. 
Love  is  a  fire,  that  burns  and  sparkles 
In  men,  as  nat'rally  as  in  charcoals, 
Which  sooty  chymists  stop  iu  holes,  425 

When  out  of  wood  they  extract  coals  ;t 
So  lovers  should  their  passions  choke, 
That  tho'  they  burn,  they  may  not  smoke. 
'Tis  like  that  sturdy  thief  that  stole, 
And  dragg'd  beasts  backward  into's  hole  ;§  430 

So  love  does  lovers,  and  us  men 
Draws  by  the  tails  into  his  den. 
That  no  impression  may  discover, 
And  trace  t'  his  cave  the  wary  lover 
But  if  you  doubt  I  should  reveal  435 


*  That  is,  to  slight  the  opinion  of  the  world,  and  to  undertake 
the  want  of  issue  and  marriage  on  the  one  hand,  and  the  acqui- 
sition of  claps  and  infamy  on  the  other:  or  perhaps  the  poet 
meant  a  bitter  sneer  on  matrimony,  by  saying  love  makes  them 
submit  to  the  embraces  of  their  inferiors,  and  consequently  to 
disregard  four  principal  evils  of  such  connections,  disease,  child- 
bearing,  disgrace,  and  marriage. 

t  Thus  it  is  spelt  in  most  editions,  and  perhaps  most  agreeably 
to  the  etymology.    See  Skinner. 

t  Charcoal  colliers,  in  order  to  keep  their  wood  from  blazing 
when  it  is  in  the  pit,  cover  it  carefully  with  turf  and  mould. 

^  Cacus,  a  noted  robber,  who,  when  he  had  stolen  cattle,  drew 
them  backward  by  their  tails  into  his  den,  lest  they  should  be 
traced  and  discovered : 

At  furiis  Caci  mens  effera,  ne  quid  inausum 
Aut  intractatum  scelerisve  dolive  fuisset, 
Quatuor  a  stabulis  prajstanti  corpore  tauros 
Avertit,  totidem  forma  superante  juvencas; 
Atque  hos,  ne  qua  forent  pedibus  vestigia  rectis, 
Cauda,  in  spelnncam  tractos,  versisque  viarutn 
Indiciis  raptos,  saxo  occultabat  ipaco. 

iEneis  viii.  SOSi. 
9 


194  HUDIBilAS,  IPiRT  n 

What  you  entrust  me  under  seal, 
I'll  prove  myself  as  close  and  virtuous 
As  your  own  secretary,  Albertus.* 

Quotli  she,  I  grant  you  may  be  close 
In  hiding  what  your  aims  propose :  440 

Love-passions  are  like  parables. 
By  which  men  still  mean  something  else : 
Tho'  love  be  all  the  world's  pretence, 
Money's  the  mythologic  sense, 

The  real  substance  of  the  shadow,  44i 

Which  all  address  and  courtship's  m&de  to. 

Thought  he,  I  understand  your  play, 
And  how  to  quit  you  your  own  way ; 
H?  that  will  win  his  dame,  must  do 
As  Love  does,  when  he  bends  his  bow ;  450 

With  one  hand  thrust  the  lady  from, 
And  with  the  other  pull  her  home.t 
I  grant,  quoth  he,  wealth  is  a  great 
Provocative  to  am'rous  heat: 

It  is  all  philtres  and  high  diet,  455 

That  makes  love  rampant,  and  to  fly  out : 
'Tis  beauty  always  in  the  flower. 
That  buds  and  blossoms  at  fourscore : 
'Tis  that  by  which  the  sun  and  moon, 
At  their  own  weapons  are  out-done  :t  460 

*  Albertus  Magnus  was  bishop  of  Ratisbon,  about  the  year 
12R0,  and  wrote  a  book,  entitled,  De  Secretis  Mulierura.  Hence 
the  poet  facetiously  calls  him  the  women's  secretary.  It  was 
printed  at  Amsterdam,  in  the  year  1643,  with  another  silly  book, 
entitled,  Michaeiis  Scoti  de  Secretis  Natura  Opus. 

t  The  Harleian  Miscellany,  vol.  vi.  p.  530,  describes  an  inter- 
view between  I'erkin  Warbeck  and  lady  Catharine  Gordon, 
which  may  serve  as  no  improper  specimen  of  this  kind  of  dalli- 
ance. "  If  I  prevail,"  says  he,  "  let  this  kiss  seal  up  the  con- 
"  tract,  and  this  kiss  bear  witness  to  the  indentures ;  and  this 
"  kiss,  because  one  witness  is  not  sufficient,  consummate  the 
"assurance. — And  so,  with  a  kind  of  reverence  and  fashionable 
*'  gesture,  after  he  had  kissed  her  thrice,  he  took  her  in  both  his 
"hands,  crosswise,  and  gazed  upon  her,  with  a  kind  of  putting 
"her  from  him  and  pulling  her  to  him  ;  and  so  again  and  again 
"  rekissed  her,  and  set  her  in  her  place,  with  a  pretty  manner 
"  of  enforcement." 

J  Gold  and  silver  a7e  marked  by  the  sun  and  moon  in  chem- 
istry, as  they  were  supposed  to  be  mone  immediately  under  the 
influence  of  those  luminaries.  Thus  Chaucer,  in  tlie  Chanoaea 
Yemannes  Tale,  1. 16293,  ed.  Tyrwhitt: 

The  bodies  sevene  eke,  lo  hem  here  anon  • 
Sol  gold  is,  and  Luna  silver,  we  threpe, 
Mars  iren,  Mercurie  quicksilver  we  clepe, 
Saturnus  led,  and  Jupiter  is  tin. 
And  Venus  coper,  by  my  fader  kin. 

The  appropriation  of  certain  metals  to  the  seven  planels  re 


Canto  i.]  'ftUDIBRAS.  195 

That  makes  knights-errant  fall  in  trances, 

And  lay  about  'em  in  romances : 

'Tis  virtue,  wit,  and  worth,  and  all 

That  men  divine  and  sacred  call  :* 

For  what  is  worth  in  any  thing,  463 

But  so  much  money  as  'twill  bring? 

Or  what  but  riches  is  there  known, 

Which  man  can  solely  call  his  own  ; 

In  which  no  creature  goes  his  half. 

Unless  it  be  to  squint  and  lajigh  ?  470 

I  do  confess,  with  goods  and  land, 

I'd  have  a  wife  at  second  hand  ; 

And  such  you*  are :  nor  is't  your  person 

My  stomach's  set  so  sharp  and  fierce  on ; 

But  'tis  your  better  part,  your  riches,  475 

That  my  enamour'd  heart  bewitches: 

Let  me  your  fortune  but  possess. 

And  settle  your  person  how  you  please ; 

Or  make  it  o'er  in  trust  to  the  devil, 

You'll  find  me  reasonable  and  civil.  480 

Quotii  she,  I  like  this  plainness  better 
Than  false  mock-passion,  speech  or  letter, 
Or  any  feat  of  qualm  or  swooning. 
But  hanging  of  yourself,  or  drowning ; 
Your  only  way  with  me  to  break  485 

Your  mind,  is  breaking  of  your  neck : 
For  as  when  merchants  break,  o'erthrown 
Like  nine-pins,  they  strike  others  down ; 
So  that  would  break  my  heart ;  which  done, 
My  tempting  fortune  is  your  own.  490 

These  aie  but  trifles ;  ev'ry  lover 
Will  damn  himself  over  and  over, 
And  greater  matters  undertake 
For  a  less  worthy  mistress'  sake : 
Yet  th'  are  the  only  ways  to  prove  495 

Th'  unfeign'd  realities  of  love  ; 
For  he  that  hangs,  or  beats  out's  brains, 
The  devil's  in  him  if  he  feigns. 

Quoth  Hudibras,  This  way's  too  rough 
For  mere  experiment  and  proof;  500 

Bpectively,  may  be  traced  rxs  high  as  Proclus,  in  the  fifth  century, 
and  perhaps  is  still  more  ancient.  This  point  is  discussed  by 
La  Croze.  See  Fabric.  Biblioth.  Gr.  vol.  vi.  p.  793.  The  splen 
dor  of  gold  is  more  refulgent  than  the  rays  of  the  sun  and  moon 
•         Et  genus,  et  formam,  regina  pecunia  donat ; 

Ac  bene  nummatum  decorat  Suadela,  Venusqne. 

Horat.  Ep.  i.  6,  37. 


196  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  n 

It  is  no  jesting,  trivial  matter, 

To  swing  i'  th'  air,  or  plunge  in  water, 

And,  like  a  water-witch,  try  love  ;* 

That's  to  destroy,  and  not  to  prove  : 

As  if  a  man  should  he  dissected,  5CS 

To  find  what  part  is  disaffected : 

Your  better  way  is  to  make  over, 

In  trust,  your  fortune  to  your  lover ; 

Trust  is  a  trial ;  if  it  break, 

'Tis  not  so  desp'rate  as  a  neck :  510 

Beside,  th'  experiment's  more  certain. 

Men  venture  necks  to  gain  a  fortune  ; 

The  soldier  does  it  every  day, 

Eight  to  the  week,  for  sixpence  pay:t 

Your  pettifoggers  damn  tlieir  souls,  515 

To  share  with  knaves  in  cheating  fools : 

And  merchants,  vent'ring  through  the  main. 

Slight  pirates,  rocks,  and  horns,  for  gain. 

This  is  the  way  I  advise  you  to, 

Trust  me,  and  see  what  I  will  do.  520 

Quoth  she,  I  should  be  loth  to  run 
Myself  all  th'  hazard,  and  you  none  ; 
Which  must  be  done,  unless  some  deed 
Of  your's  aforesaid  do  precede ; 
Give  but  yourself  one  gentle  swing,!  525 


*  It  was  usual,  when  an  old  woman  was  suspected  of  witch- 
craft, to  throw  her  into  the  water.  If  she  swam,  she  was  judged 
guilty ;  if  she  sunk,  she  preserved  her  character,  and  only  lost 
her  life. 

t  No  comparison  can  be  made  between  the  evidence  arising 
from  each  experiment ;  for  as  to  venturing  necks,  it  proves  no 
great  matter ;  it  is  done  every  day  by  the  soldier,  pettifogger,  and 
merchant.  If  the  soldier  lias  only  sixpence  a  day,  and  one  day's 
pay  is  reserved  weekly  for  stoppages,  he  may  be  said  to  make 
eight  days  to  the  week;  adding  that  to  the  account  of  labor 
which  is  deducted  from  his  pay.  Percennins,  the  mutinous  sol 
dier  in  Tacitus,  seems  to  have  been  sensible  of  some  such  hard 
ship — Denis  in  diem  assibus  animam  et  corpus  aestiraari;  hinc 
vestem,  arnia,  tentoria;  hinc  sa;vitiam  centurlonura,  et  vaca- 
tiones  munerum  redirai.    Annal.  i.  17. 

t  "Epura  vaiei  Xiiid;,  cl  6i  nfi,  xp^vo;  : 

'Euv  6i  fi'q  6e  Taura  Trjv  (l>\6ya  aSiat], 
Ocpaircia  coi  to  Xoittov  rjoTrjadu)  fipdxoi. 

Anthol.  Gr.  23,  ed.  Aid 
In  Diogenes  Laertius  cum  notis  Meibora.  p.  356,  it  is  thoa 
printed : 

"Epura  T^aici  Xi/j(5y,  el  Si  yiri  xpivo;, 
'Edv  6i  TovToi;  /ifi  Svvp  xp^ffSat,  ^pdxoi 

See  lines  485  and  also  645  o/  Ihis  canto,  where  the  word  Atfitfj 
U  turned  into  dry  diet. 


Canto  i.l  HUDIBRAS  197 

For  trial,  and  I'll  cut  the  string: 

Or  give  that  rev'rend  head  a  maul, 

Or  two,  or  three,  against  a  wall ; 

To  shew  you  are  a  man  of  mettle. 

And  I'll  engage  myself  to  settle.  530 

Quoth  he.  My  head's  not  made  of  brass, 
As  Friar  Bacon's  noddle  was  ; 
Nor,  like  the  Indian's  skull,  so  tough. 
That,  authors  say,  'twas  musket-proof:* 
As  it  had  need  to  be  to  enter,  535 

As  yet,  on  any  new  adventure ; 
You  see  what  bangs  it  has  endur'd. 
That  would,  before  new  feats,  be  cur'd  ; 
But  if  that's  all  you  stand  upon. 
Here   strike  me  luck,  it  shall  be  done.t  540 

Quoth  she,  The  matter's  not  so  far  gone 
As  you  suppose,  two  words  t'  a  bargain  ; 
That  may  be  done,  and  time  enough. 
When  you  have  given  downright  proof: 
And  yet  'tis  no  fantastic  pique  545 

I  have  to  love,  nor  coy  dislike  ; 
'Tis  no  implicit,  nice  aversiont 
T'  your  conversation,  mien,  or  person  : 
But  a  just  fear,  lest  you  should  prove 
False  and  perfidious  in  love  ;  550 

For  if  I  thought  you  could  bo  true, 
I  could  love  twice  as  much  as  you. 


*" Blockheads  and  loggerheads  are  in  request  in  Brazil, and 
"  helmets  are  of  little  use,  every  one  having  an  ariificial- 
"  ized  natural  morion  of  liis  head  :  for  the  Brazilians'  heads, 
"  some  of  them  are  as  hard  as  the  wood  that  grows  in  their 
*' country,  for  they  cannot  be  broken,  and  they  have  them  so 
"  hard,  that  ours,  in  comparison  of  theirs,  are  like  a  pompion, 
"  and  when  they  would  injure  any  white  man,  they  call  him 
"softhead."  Bulwer's  Artificial  Changeling,  p.  42,  and  Pur- 
chas's  Pilgr.  fol.  vol.  iii.  p.  993. 

t  Percutere  et  ferire  foedus. 

OTrovias  Ttfivsiv  KoX  hoKia.  KuRip. 

At  the  conclusion  of  treaties  a  beast  was  generally  sacrificed. 
When  butchers  and  country  people  make  a  bargain,  one  of  the 
parties  holds  out  in  his  hand  a  piece  of  money,  which  the  other 
strikes,  and  the  bargain  is  closed  Callimachus  Urunck.  i.  464, 
epig.  xiv.  5.  tvto  ioKu),  &c. 

[  Y.  L.  Come  strike  me  luck  with  earnest,  and  draw  the  wri- 
tings. 

M.  There's  a  God's  penny  foi  thee. 

Beaumont  and  Flex;her. — Scornful  Lady,  Act  ii.] 

X  Implicit  here  signifies  secret,  unaccountable,  or  an  aversion 
eonceived  from  the  report  of  others.    See  P  i.  c.  i.  v.  130. 


198  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  ii 

Quotli  he,  My  faith  as  adamantine, 
As  chains  of  destiny,  I'll  maintain  ; 
True  as  Apollo  ever  spoke,  55S 

Or  oracle  from  heart  of  oak  ;* 
And  if  you'll  give  my  flame  but  vent. 
Now  in  close  hugger-mugger  pent, 
And  shine  upon  me  but  benignly, 
With  that  one,  and  that  other  pigsney,t  5G0 

The  sun  and  day  shall  sooner  part, 
Than  love,  or  you,  shake  off  my  heart : 
The  sun  that  shall  no  more  dispense 
His  own,  but  your  bright  influence ; 
I'll  carve  your  name  on  barks  of  trees,t  565 

With  true  love-knots,  and  flourishes  ; 
That  shall  infuse  eternal  spring, 
And  everlasting  flourishing : 
Drink  every  letter  on't  in  stum. 
And  make  it  brisk  champaign  become  ;§  570 


*  Jupiter's  oracle  in  Epirus,  near  the  city  of  Dodona,  Ubi  ne- 
mus  erat  Jovi  sacrum,  querneum  totum.  in  quo  Jovis  DodontEi 
teinpluin  fuisse  narratur. 

t  J'lgsney  is  a  term  of  blandishment,  from  the  Anglo-Saxon,  or 
Danish,  piga,  a  pretty  girl,  or  the  eyes  of  a  pretty  lass  :  thus  in 
Pembroke's  Arcadia,  Dametas  says  to  his  wife,  "  Miso,  mine  own 
pigsnie."  To  love  one's  mistress  more  than  one's  eyes,  is  a  phrase 
used  by  all  nations:  thus  Moschus  in  Greek,  Catullus  in  Latin  ; 
Spenser,  in  his  Fairy  Q.ueen : 

her  eyes,  sweet  smiling  in  deliglit, 

Moystened  their  fiery  beams,  with  which  she  thriU'd 

Frail  hearts,  yet  quenched  not  ;  like  starry  light, 

Wliich  sparkling  on  the  silent  waves,  does  seem  more  bright. 

Thus  the  Italian  poets,  Tasso  and  Ariosto.  Tyrwhitt  says,  in 
a  note  on  Chaucer's  Miller's  Tale,  v.  3268,  "the  Romans  used 
oculus,  as  a  term  of  endearment  ;  and  perhaps  piggesnie,  in  bur- 
lesque poetry,  means  ocellus  porci,  the  eyes  of  a  pig  being  re- 
markably sm:'.ll." 
t  See  Don  Quixote,  vol.  i.  ch.  4,  and  vol.  iv.  ch.  73. 
Populus  est,  memini,  fluviali  consita  ripa, 

Est  in  qua  nostri  littera  scripta  memor. 
Popule,  Vive  precor,  qus  consita  margine  ripae 

Hoc  in  rugoso  cortice  carmen  habes  ; 
Cum  Paris  Qinone  poterit  spirare  relicta, 
Ad  fontem  Xanlhi  versa  recurret  aqua. 

Ovid.  CEnone  Paridi.  25. 
[Run,  run,  Orlando ;  carve  on  every  tree, 
The  fair,  the  chaste,  and  unexpressive  she. 

As  you  like  it.] 

§  Strim,  i.  e.  any  new,  thick,  unferniented  liquor,  from  the  Lat- 
in mustum.  Dr.  Johnson,  in  his  Dictionary,  has  quoted  these 
lines  to  prove  that  stum  may  signify  wine  revived  by  a  new  fer- 
mentation :  but,  perhaps,  it  means  no  more  than  figuratively  to 
•ay,  that  the  remembrance  of  the  widow's  charms  could  tiirn 


Canto  i.]  HUDIBRAS.  199 

Whate'er  you  tread,  your  foot  shall  set 

The  primrose  and  the  violet ; 

All  spices,  perfumes,  and  sweet  powders, 

Shall  borrow  from  your  breath  their  odours ; 

Nature  her  charter  shall  renew,  575 

And  take  all  lives  of  things  from  you  ; 

The  world  depend  upon  your  eye. 

And  when  you  frown  upon  it,  die. 

Only  our  loves  shall  still  survive. 

New  worlds  and  natures  to  outlive  ;  580 

And  like  to  herald's  moons,  remain 

All  crescents,  without  change  or  wane. 

Hold,  hold,  quoth  she,  no  more  of  this, 
Sir  knight,  you  take  your  aim  amiss : 
For  you  will  find  it  a  hard  chapter,  585 

To  catch  me  with  poetic  rapture. 
In  which  your  mastery  of  art 
Doth  show  itself,  and  not  your  heart ;  • 

Nor  will  you  raise  in  mine  combustion, 
By  dint  of  high  heroic  fustian  :*  590 

bad  wine  into  good,  foul  muddy  wine  into  clear  sparkling  chaai- 
paigne.  It  was  usual,  among  the  gallants  of  Butler's  time,  to 
drink  as  many  bumpers  to  their  mistress's  health,  as  there  were 
letters  in  her  name.  The  custom  prevailed  among  the  Romans ; 
thus  the  well-known  epigram  of  Blartial ; 

Naevia  sex  cyathis,  septem  Justina  bibatur, 
Quinque  Lycas,  Lyde  quatuor,  Ida  tribus. — Ep.  i.  72. 

For  every  letter  drink  a  glass. 
That  spells  the  name  you  fancy, 

Take  four,  if  Suky  be  your  lass. 
And  five  if  it  be  Nancy. 

The  like  compliment  was  paid  to  a  particular  friend  or  bene- 
i  ctor: 

Det  nunierum  cyathis  Instant!  littera  Rufi : 
Auctor  enim  tantl  muneris  ille  mihi. — Mart.  epig.  viii.  51. 

Mr.  Sandys,  in  his  Travels,  says,  this  custom  is  still  much 
practised  by  the  merry  Greeks,  in  the  Morca,  and  other  parts  of 
the  Levant. 

EyxM  AvadiKTis  Kvddvi  StKa.  lib.  vii.  Anthol. 

•  In  Butler's  MS.  I  find  the  following  lines 

In  foreign  universities, 

When  a  king's  horn,  or  weds,  or  dies, 

All  other  studies  are  laid  by, 

And  all  apply  to  poetry. 

Some  write  in  Hebrew,  some  in  Greek, 

And  some  more  wise  in  Arabic  ; 

T'  avoid  the  critique,  and  th'  expence 

Ot  ditEculter  wit  and  sense. 
Foreign  land  is  often  used  by  Mr.  Butler  for  England     So* 
Genuine  Remains. 


sou  IIUDIBRAS  [Part  a 

She  that  with  poetry  is  won, 
Is  but  a  desk  to  write  upon  ; 


As  no  edge  can  be  sharp  and  keen, 
That  by  the  subtlest  eye  is  seen  : 
So  no  wit  sri'ould  acute  b'  allovv'd 
That's  easy  to  be  understood. 

For  poets  sing,  though  more  speak  plaia. 
As  those  that  quote  their  works  maintain; 
And  no  man's  bound  to  any  thing 
lie  does  not  say,  but  only  sing. 
For,  since  the  good  Confessor's  time, 
No  deeds  are  valid,  writ  in  rhyme  ; 
Nor  any  held  authentic  acts, 
Seal'd  with  the  tooth  upon  the  wax : 
For  men  did  then  so  freely  deal, 
Their  words  were  deeds,  and  teeth  a  seal. 

The  following  grants  are  said  to  be  authentic;  but  whethei 
they  are  or  not,  they  are  probably  what  the  poet  alludes  to  : — 

•  Charter  of  Edward  the  Confessor. 

IcHE  Edward  Konyng, 
Have  geovenof  my  forest  the  keeping, 
Of  the  hundred  of  Chelmer  and  Daneing,  [now  Den- 

gy,  in  Essex.] 
To  Randolph  Peperking  and  to  his  kindling, 
With  heorte  and  hynde,  doe  and  bock, 
Hare  and  I'o.x,  cat  and  brock,  [badger] 
Wild  foule  with  his  flocke, 
Patrick,  fesaunte  hen,  and  fesaunte  cock; 
With  green  and  wilde  stobb  and  stokk,  [timber  and 

stubbs  of  trees] 
To  kepen,  and  to  yeomen  by  all  her  might,  [their] 
Both  by  day,  and  eke  by  night. 
And  hounds  for  to  holde, 
Gode  swift  and  bolde. 

Four  Greyhounds  and  si.x  beaches,  [bitch  hounds] 
For  hare  and  fox,  and  wilde  cattes 
And  thereof  ich  made   him   my  bocke  [i.  e.  this 

deed  my  written  evidence] 
Wittenes  the  Bishop  Wolston, 
And  buche  ycleped  many  on.  [witness] 
And  Sweyne  of  Esse.x,  our  brother, 
And  token  hin  many  other, 
And  our  steward  Howelin 
That  besought  me  for  him. 

[Six  beaches. — This  line,  as  quoted  by  Stcevens  in  a  note  to  the 
Introduction  to  the  Taming  of  the  Slirew,  runs  thus.  Four  Grey- 
hounds and  six  hrntches.  which  must  be  the  correct  read  ng,  as 
may  he  gathered  ixum  the  following  quotations  from  Mii^shew 
and  Uucange,  unnoticeil  by  the  Shakspeare  Commentators,  in 
their  numerous  notes  on  the  word,  and  their  doubts  on  its  gen- 
der. A  bracke,  a  little  hound. — Minshew.  Bracetus,  brachetus, 
vulgo  bracket.  Charta  Hen.  II.  tom.  2,  Monast.  Angl.  p.  283. 
Concedo  eis  2  leporarios  et  4  bracetos  ad  leporem  capiendum. 
Consiit.  Feder.  Ileg.  Sicil.  c.  115.  Ut,  nuUus  ....  pra-sumal 
canem  braccum  videlicet,  vel  leporarium  ....  alterius  furto 
«ubtrahere.] 


Canto  i.]  HUDIBRAS.  201 

And  what  men  say  of  her,  they  mean 

No  more  than  that  on  which  they  lean. 

Some  with  Arabian  spices  strive,  595 

T'  embalm  her  cruelly  alive  ; 

Or  season  her;  as  French  cooks  use 

Their  haut-gouts,  bouillies,  or  ragouts  ; 

Use  her  so  barbarously  ill. 

To  grind  her  lips  upon  a  mill  *  600 

Until  the  facet  doublet  doth 

Fit  their  rhymes  rather  than  her  mouth  ;+ 

Her  mouth  compar'd  t'  an  oyster's,  with 

A  row  of  pearl  in"t,  'stead  of  teeth  ; 


Bock,  in  Saxon,  is  book,  or  written  evidence  ;  this  land  was 
therefore  held  as  bocland,  a  noble  tenure  in  strict  entail,  that 
could  not  be  alienated  from  the  right  heir. 

Hopton,  in  the  County  of  Salop, 
To  the  Heyrs  Male  of  the  Hopton,  lawfully  begotten. 

From  me  and  from  myne,  to  thee  and  to  thine, 
While  the  water  runs,  and  the  sun  doth  shine, 
For  lack  of  heyrs  to  the  king  againe. 

I  William,  king,  the  third  year  of  my  reign, 

Give  to  the  Norman  hunter. 

To  me  that  art  both  line  and  deare, [related,  or  of  my  lineage] 

The  Hop  and  the  Hoptoune, 

And  all  the  bounds  up  and  downe 

Under  the  earth  to  hell. 

Above  the  earth  to  heaven. 

From  me,  and  from  myne. 

To  thee  and  to  thyne  ; 

As  good  and  as  faire. 

As  ever  they  myne  were  ; 

To  witness  that  this  is  sooth,  [truej 

I  bite  the  wite  wax  with  my  tooth, 

Before  Jugg,  Marode,  and  Margery, 

And  my  third  son  Henery, 

For  one  bow,  and  dhe  broad  arrow, 

When  I  come  to  hunt  upon  Yarrow. 

Thisgrant  of  William  the  Conqueror,  is  in  John  Stovv's  Chron- 
icle, and  in  Blount's  Antient  Tenures.  Other  rhyming  charters 
may  be  seen  in  Morant's  Essex  ;  Little  Dunmow,  vol.  ii.  p.  429, 
and  at  Rochford,  vol.  1.  p.  '272. 

*  As  they  do  by  comparing  her  lips  to  rubies  polished  by  a 
mill,  which  is  in  effect,  and  no  better,  than  to  grind  by  a  mill, 
and  that  until  those  false  stones  (for,  when  all  is  done,  lips  are 
not  true  rubies)  do  plainly  appear  to  have  been  brought  in  by 
them  as  rather  befitting  the  absurdity  of  their  rhymes,  than  that 
there  is  really  any  propriety  in  the  comparison  between  her  lips 
and  rubies. 

t  Poets  and  romance  writers  have  not  been  very  scrupulous  in 
the  choice  of  metaphors,  when  they  represented  the  beauties  of 
their  mistresses.  Facets  are  precious  stones,  ground  a  la  facette. 
or  with  many  faces,  that  they  may  have  the  greater  lustre 
Doublets  are  crystals  joined  together  with  a  cement,  green  or 
red,  in  order  ta  resemble  stones  of  that  color. 
9* 


202  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  n 

Others  make  poesies  of  her  cheeksj  6U5 

Where  red,  and  whitest  colours  mix  ; 

In  which  the  hly  and  the  rose, 

For  Indian  lake  and  ceruse  goes. 

The  sun  and  moon,  by  her  bright  eyes, 

Eclips'd  and  darken'd  in  the  skies  ;  610 

Are  but  black  patches  that  she  wears. 

Cut  into  suns,  and  moons,  and  stars,* 

By  which  astrologers,  as  well 

As  those  in  heav'n  above)  can  tell 

Wha;  strange  events  they  do  foreshow,  615 

Unto  her  under-world  below.t 

Her  voice  the  music  of  the  spheres, 

So  loud,  it  deafens  mortal  ears  ; 

As  wise  philosophers  have  thought. 

And  that's  the  cause  we  hear  it  not.t  620 

This  has  been  done  by  some,  who  those 

Th'  ador'd  in  rhyme,  would  kick  in  prose  ; 

And  in  those  ribbons  would  have  hung, 

Of  which  melodiously  they  sung.§ 

That  have  the  hard  fate  to  write  best,  625 

Of  those  that  still  desei-ve  it  least  "jH 

It  matters  not,  how  false  or  forc'd, 

So  the  best  things  be  said  o'  th'  worst ; 


*  The  ladies  formerly  were  very  fond  of  wearing  a  great  num 
ber  of  black  patches  on  their  faces,  and,  perhaps,  might  amuse 
themselves  in  devising  the  shape  of  them.  This  fashion  is  al 
luded  to  in  Sir  Kenelm  Digby's  discourse  on  the  sympathetic 
powder,  and  ridiculed  in  the  Spectator,  No.  50.  But  the  poet 
here  alludes  to  Dr.  Bulwer's  Artificial  Changeling,  p.  2i2,  &c. 

t  A  double  entendre. 

t  "Pythagoras,"  saith  Censorinus,  "asserted,  that  this  world 
"is  made  according  to  musical  propqajon  ;  and  that  the  seven 
"  planets,  betwixt  heaven  and  earth,  \^ich  govern  the  nativities 
"of  mortals,  have  an  harmonious  motion,  and  render  various 
'"sounds  according  to  their  several  heights,  so  consonant,  that 
"  they  make  most  sweet  melody,  but  to  us  inaudible,  because  of 
"  the  greatness  of  the  noise,  which  the  narrow  passage  of  our 
"ears  is  not  capable  to  receive."  Stanley's  Life  of  Pythagoras, 
p.  393. 

$  Thus  Waller  on  a  girdle  : 

Give  me  but  what  this  riband  bound. 

!|  Warburton  was  of  opinion  that  Butler  alluded  to  one  of  Mr. 
Waller's  poems  on  Saccharissa,  where  he  complains  of  her  un- 
kindness.  Others  suppose,  that  he  alludes  to  Mr.  Waller's 
poems  on  Oliver  Cromwell,  and  King  Charles  II.  The  poet's 
reply  to  the  king,  when  he  reproached  him  with  having  written 
best  in  praise  of  Oliver  Cromwell,  is  known  to  everyone.  "  We 
"  poets,"  says  he,  "  succeed  better  in  fiction  than  in  truth."  But 
this  passage  seems  to  relate  to  ladies  and  love,  not  to  kings  and 
politics. 


Canto  i.]  HUDIBRAS.  203 

It  goes  for  nothing  when  'tis  said, 

Only  the  arrow's  drawn  to  th'  head,  630 

Whether  it  be  the  swan  or  goose 

They  level  at :  so  shepherds  use 

To  set  the  same  mark  on  the  hip. 

Both  of  their  sound  and  rotten  sheep  : 

For  wits  that  carry  low  or  wide,  63^ 

Must  be  aim'd  higher,  or  beside 

The  mark,  which  else  they  ne'er  come  nigh, 

But  when  they  take  their  aim  awry.* 

But  I  do  wonder  you  should  chuse 

This  way  t'attack  me  with  your  muse.  tJ40 

As  one  cut  out  to  pass  your  tricks  on, 

With  Fulham's  of  poetic  fiction  :t 

I  rather  hop'd  I  should  no  more 

Hear  from  you  o'  th'  gallanting  score  ; 

For  hard  dry  bastings  use  to  prove  045 

The  readiest  remedies  of  love,t 

Next  a  dry  diet ;  but  if  those  fail, 

Yet  this  uneasy  loop-hol'd  jail, 

In  which  y'  are  hamper'd  by  the  fetlock. 

Cannot  but  put  y'  in  mind  of  wedlock  :  650 

Wedlock,  that's  worse  than  any  hole  here, 

If  that  may  serve  you  for  a  cooler 

T'  allay  your  mettle,  all  agog 

Upon  a  wife,  the  heavier  clog. 


*  An  allusion  to  gunnery.  In  Butler's  MS.  Conimon-p'.ite  book 
eie  the  following  lines  : 

Ingenuity,  or  wit, 
Does  only  th'  owner  fit  ' 

For  nothing,  l|ut  to  be  undone. 

For  nature  never  gave  to  mortal  yet, 
A  free  and  arbitrary  power  of  wit : 
But  bound  him  to  his  good  behaviour  for't, 
That  he  should  never  use  it  to  do  hurt. 

Wit  does  but  divert  men  from  the  road, 
In  which  things  vulgarly  are  understood ; 
Favours  mistake,  and  ignorance,  to  own 
A  better  sense  than  commonly  is  known. 

Most  men  are  so  unjust,  they  look  upon 
Another's  wit  as  enemy  t'  their  owa. 

t  That  is,  with  cheats  or  impositions.  Fulham  was  a  can 
word  for  a  false  die,  many  of  them  being  made  at  that  place 
The  high  dice  were  loaded  so  as  to  come  up  4,  5,  6,  and  the  low 
ones  1,  2.  3.  Frequently  mentioned  in  Butler's  Genuine  Ee 
mains. 

t  'EpuTo  iraii*!  A(/i(5f,  &c.    See  note  on  line  525. 


204  IIUDIBRAS.  [Part  u 

Nor  rather  thank  your  gentler  fate,*  655 

That,  for  a  bruis'd  or  broken  pate. 

Has  freed  you  from  those  knobs  that  grow 

Much  harder  on  the  niarry'd  brow  : 

But  if  no  dread  can  cool  your  courage, 

From  vent'ring  on  that  dragon,  marriage  ;  660 

Yet  give  me  quarter,  and  advancet 

To  nobler  aims  your  puissance  ; 

Level  at  beauty  and  at  wit ; 

The  fairest  mark  is  easiest  hit.t 

Quoth  Hudibras,  I  am  beforehand  661 

In  that  already,  with  your  command  ;§ 
For  where  does  beauty  and  high  wit 
But  in  your  constellation  meet? 

Quoth  she,  What  does  a  match  imply, 
But  likeness  and  equality  ?  .670 

I  know  you  cannot  think  me  fit 
To  be  th'  yokefellow  of  your  wit ; 
Nor  take  one  of  so  mean  deserts. 
To  be  the  jjartner  of  your  parts  ; 
A  grace  which,  if  I  cou'd  believe,  675 

I've  not  the  conscience  to  receive.|| 

That  conscience,  quoth  Hudibras, 
Is  misinform'd  :  I'll  state  the  case. 
A  man  may  be  a  legal  donor 

Of  any  thing  whereof  he's  owner,  680 

And  may  confer  it  where  he  lists. 


*  That  is,  and  not  rather:  this  depends  upon  v.  039,40,41,42. 
All  the  intermediate  verses  from  thence  to  this  heing,  as  it  were, 
in  a  parenthesis :  the  sense  is.  But  I  do  wonder — t'  attack  nie, 
and  shnuUI  not  rather  thanl< — 

t  The  widow  here  pretends,  she  would  have  him  quit  his 
pursuit  of  her,  and  aim  hifiher;  namely,  at  beauty  and  wit. 

i  The  reader  will  observe  the  ingenious  equivocation,  or  the 
double  meaning  of  the  word  fairest. 

§  Where  one  word  ends  with  a  vowel,  and  the  next  begins 
with  a  w,  immediately  followed  by  a  vowel,  or  where  one  word 
ends  with  w,  inmiediately  preceded  bya  vowel,  and  the  ne.\t  be- 
gins with  a  vowel,  the  poet  either  leaves  them  as  two  syllables, 
or  contracts  them  Into  one.  as  best  suits  his  verse;  thus  in  the 
passape  before  us,  and  in  P.  iii.  c.  i.  v.  1501,  and  P.  iii.  c.  ii.  v. 
3.39,  these  are  contractions  in  the  first  case  ;  and  P.  iii.  c.  i.  v. 
804,  in  the  latter  case. 

11  Our  poet  uses  the  word  conscience  here  as  a  word  of  two 
syllables,  and  in  the  ne.\t  line  as  a  word  of  three  ;  thus  in  Part 
i.  c.  i.  V.  78,  ratiocination  is  a  word  of  five  syllables,  and  in  other 
places  of  four:  in  the  first  it  is  a  treble  rhyme.  [In  the  first  in- 
stance, conscience  means  only  self-opinion  ;  in  the  second,  Hu- 
dibras marks  it  as  meaning  knowledge,  by  making  it  a  trisylla 
Me,  [covscience,)  and  places  it  in  ludicrous  opposition  to  mi^iin 
fcnned.J 


Taoto  I.]  HUDIBRAS.  ^05 

I'  th'  judgment  of  all  casuists : 

Then  wit,  and  parts,  and  valour  may 

Be  ali'uated,  and  made  away, 

By  those  that  are  proprietors,  683 

As  I  may  give  or  sell  my  horse. 

Quoth  she,  I  grant  the  case  is  true, 
And  proper  'twixt  your  horse  and  you  ; 
But  whether  I  may  take,  as  well 
As  you  may  give  away,  or  sell  ?  690 

Buyers,  you  know,  are  bid  beware  ; 
And  worse  than  thieves  receivers  are. 
How  shall  I  answer  hue  and  cry. 
For  a  roan-gelding,  twelve  hands  high,* 
All  spurr'd  and  switch'd,  a  lock  on's  hoof,t  695 

A  sorrel  mane  ?     Can  I  bring  proof 
Where,  when,  by  whom,  and  what  y'  are  sold  for, 
And  in  the  open  market  toU'd  for  ? 
Or,  should  I  take  you  for  a  stray, 
You  must  be  kept  a  year  aud  day,  700 

Ere  I  can  own  you,  here  i'  th'  pound, 
Where,  if  ye're  sought,  you  may  be  found  ; 
And  in  the  mean  time  I  must  pay 
For  all  your  provender  and  hay. 

Quoth  he.  It  stands  me  much  upon  705 

T'  enervate  this  objection. 
And  prove  myself,  by  topic  clear. 
No  gelding,  as  you  would  infer. 
Loss  of  virility's  averr'd 

To  be  the  cause  of  loss  of  beard, t  710 

That  does,  like  embrj'o  in  the  womb. 
Abortive  on  the  chin  become  : 
This  first  a  woman  did  invent, 
In  envy  of  man's  ornament : 

Semiramis  of  Babylon,  715 

Who  first  of  all  cut  men  o'  th'  stone, § 


*  This  Is  a  severe  reflection  upon  the  knight's  abilities,  his 
complexion,  and  his  height,  which  the  widow  intimates  was  not 
more  than  four  feet. 

t  There  is  humor  in  the  representation  which  the  widow 
makes  of  the  linight,  under  the  similitude  of  a  roan  gelding, 
supposed  to  be  stolen,  or  to  have  strayed.  Farmers  often  put 
locks  on  the  fore-feet  of  their  horses,  to  prevent  their  being 
stolen. 

t  See  the  note  on  line  143  of  this  canto. 

^  Mr.  Butier,  in  his  ou'n  note,  says,  Semiramis  teneros  mares 
castravit  onmium  prima,  and  quotes  Anmiian.  Marcellinus.  But 
the  poet  means  to  laugh  at  Dr.  Bulvver,  who  in  his  Artificial 
Changeling,  scene  31,  has  many  strange  stories ;  and  in  page  2)^ 


206  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  n 

To  mar  their  beards,  and  laid  foundation 

Of  sow-geldering  operation : 

Look  on  this  beard,  and  tell  me  whether 

Eunuchs  wear  such,  or  geldings  either?  '"SO 

Next  it  appears  I  am  no  horse, 

That  I  can  argue  and  discourse. 

Have  but  two  legs,  and  ne'er  a  tail. 

Quoth  slie,  That  nothing  will  avail ; 
For  some  philosophers  of  late  here,  725 

Write  men  have  four  legs  by  nature,* 
And  that  'tis  custom  makes  them  go 
Erroneously  upon  but  two. 
As  'twas  in  Germany  made  good, 
B'  a  boy  that  lost  himself  in  a  wood  ;  730 

And  growing  down  t'  a  man,  was  wont 
With  wolves  upon  all  four  to  hunt. 
As  for  your  reasons  drawn  from  tails,t 
We  cannot  say  they're  true  or  false. 
Till  you  explain  yourself,  and  show  735 

B'  experiment,  'tis  so  or  no. 

Quoth  he.  If  you'll  join  issue  on't,t 
I'll  give  you  sat'sfact'ry  account. 
So  you  will  promise,  if  you  lose. 
To  settle  all,  and  be  my  spouse.  740 

That  never  shall  be  done,  quoth  she, 
To  one  that  wants  a  tail,  by  me  ; 
For  tails  by  nature  sure  were  meant, 
As  well  as  beards,  for  ornament  ;§ 

says,  "  Nature  gave  to  mankind  a  beard,  that  it  might  remain  an 
"  index  in  the  lace  of  the  masculine  eenerative  faculty." 

*  Sir  Kenelni  Digby,  in  his  book  of  Bodies,  has  the  well-known 
story  of  the  wild  German  boy,  who  went  upon  all-four,  was 
overgrown  with  hair,  and  lived  among  the  wild  beasts,  the  credi- 
bility and  truth  of  which  he  endeavors  to  establish.  See  also 
Tatler,  No.  103.  Some  modern  writers  are  said  to  have  the  same 
conceit.  The  second  line  here  quoted  seems  to  want  half  a 
foot,  but  it  may  be  made  right  by  the  old  way  of  spelling  four, 
fovver,  or  reading  as  in  the  edition  of  1709  : 

Write  that  men  have  four  legs  by  nature. 

t  See  Fontaine,  Conte  de  la  jument  du  compere  Pierre. 

X  That  is,  rest  the  cause  upon  this  point. 

^  Mr.  Butler  here  alludes  to  Dr.  Bulwer's  Artificial  Change- 
ling, p.  410,  where,  besides  the  story  of  the  Kentish  men  near 
Rochester,  he  gives  an  account,  from  an  honest  young  man  of 
Captain  Morris's  company,  in  Lieutenant-general  Ireton's  regi- 
ment, "  that  at  Cashell,  in  the  county  of  Tipperary,  in  the  prov- 
"ince  of  Munster,  in  Carrick  Patrick  church,  seated  on  a  rock, 
"stormed  by  Lord  Inchequin,  where  there  were  near  700  put  to 
"  the  sword,  and  none  saved  but  the  mayor's  wife,  and  his  son  ; 
"  there  were  found  among  the  slain  of  the  Irish,  when  they 
"  ♦ere  stripped,  diverse  that  had  tails  near  a  quarter  of  a  yard 


Canto  i.]  HUDIBRAS.  207 

And  tho'  the  vulgar  count  them  homely ;  745 

In  men  or  beast  they  are  so  comely., 

So  gentee,  alamode,  and  handsome, 

I'll  never  marry  man  that  wants  one  : 

And  'till  you  can  demonstrate  plain, 

You  have  one  equal  to  your  mane,  750 

I'll  be  torn  piece-meal  by  a  horse, 

Ere  I'll  take  you  for  better  or  worse 

The  Prince  of  Cambay's  daily  food 

Is  asp,  and  basilisk,  and  toad,* 

Which  makes  him  have  so  strong  a  breath,  755 

Each  night  he  stinks  a  queen  to  death  ; 

Yet  I  shall  rather  lie  in's  arms 

Than  your's,  on  any  other  terms. 

Quoth  he.  What  nature  can  afford 
I  shall  produce,  upon  my  word ;  760 

And  if  she  ever  gave  that  boon 
To  man,  I'll  prove  that  I  have  one  ; 
I  mean  by  postulate  illation,t 
When  you  shall  offer  just  occasion  ; 
But  since  ye've  yet  deny'd  to  give  7C5 

My  heart,  your  pris'ner,  a  reprieve. 
But  make  it  sink  down  to  my  heel. 
Let  that  at  least  your  pity  feel ;  • 

And  for  the  sufferings  of  your  martyr, 
Give  its  poor  entertainer  quarter  ;  770 

And  by  discharge,  or  mainprise,  grant 
Deliv'ry  from  this  base  restraint. 

Quoth  she,  I  grieve  to  see  your  leg 
Stuck  in  a  hole  here  like  a  peg, 

And  if  I  knew  which  way  to  do't,  775 

Your  honour  safe,  I'd  let  you  out. 
That  dames  by  jail-delivery 
Of  errant  knights  have  been  set  free,t 


"  long :  forty  soldiers,  that  were  eye-witnesses,  testified  the  same 
"  upon  their  oaths."  He  mentions  likewise  a  similar  tale  of 
many  other  nations. 

*  See  Purchas's  Pilgrim,  vol.  ii.  p.  1495.  Philosoph.  Transac 
tions,  Ixvi.  314.  Montaigne,  b.  i.  Essay  on  Customs.  A  gross 
double  entendre  runs  through  the  whole  of  the  widow's  speech- 
es, and  likewise  those  of  the  knight.  See  T.  W'lrton  on  English 
Poetry,  iii.  p.  10. 

t  That  is,  by  inference,  necessary  consequence,  or  presump- 
tive evidence. 

t  These  and  the  following  lines  are  a  banter  upon  romance 
writers.  Our  author  keeps  Don  Quixote  constantly  in  his  eye, 
when  he  is  aiming  at  this  o!)ject.  In  Europe,  the  Spaniards  and 
the  French  engaged  lirst  in  this  kind  of  writing  ;  from  tbem  it 
was  communicated  to  the  English. 


208  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  n. 

When  by  enchantment  they  have  been, 

And  sometimes  for  it  too,  laid  in,  780 

Is  that  which  knights  are  bound  to  do 

By  order,  oaths,  and  honour  too  ;* 

For  what  are  they  renown'd  and  famous  else, 

But  aiding  of  distressed  damosels  ? 

But  for  a  lady,  no  ways  errant,  785 

To  free  a  knight,  we  have  no  warrant 

In  any  authentical  romance. 

Or  classic  author  yet  of  France  ;t 

And  I'd  be  loth  to  have  you  break 

An  ancient  custom  for  a  freak,  7JP 

Or  innovation  introduce 

In  place  of  things  of  antique  use, 

To  free  your  heels  by  any  course. 

That  might  b'  unwholesome  to  your  spurs  :t 

Which  if  I  could  consent  imto,  795 

It  is  not  in  my  pow'r  to  do ; 

For  'tis  a  service  must  be  done  ye 

With  solemn  previous  ceremony  ; 

Which  always  has  been  us'd  t'  untie 

The  charms  of  those  who  here  do  lie  ;  800 

For  as  the  ancients  heretofore 

To  honour's  temple  had  no  door. 

But  that  which  thorough  virtue's  lay  ;  § 

So  from  this  dungeon  there's  no  way 

To  honour's  freedom,  but  by  passing  805 

That  other  virtuous  school  of  lashing. 

Where  knights  are  kept  in  narrow  lists, 

With  wooden  lockets  'bout  their  wrists  ; 

In  which  they  for  a  while  are  tenants, 

And  for  their  ladies  suffer  penance  :  610 

Whipping,  that's  virtue's  governess, 

Tutress  of  arts  and  sciences  ; 

That  mends  the  gi-oss  mistakes  of  nature. 


*  Their  oath  was — Vous  defendrez  les  querrelles  jusles  de 
toutes  les  liames  d'honneur,  de  toules  les  veuves  qui  n'ont  point 
des  amis,  des  orphelins,  et  des  filles  dont  la  leputation  est  cn- 
tiere. 

t  In  the  Comitia  Centuriata  of  the  Romans,  the  class  of  no- 
bility and  senators  voted  first,  and  all  other  persons  were  styled 
infra  classeni.  Hence  their  writers  of  the  first  rank  were  called 
classics. 

t  To  your  honor.  The  spurs  are  badges  of  knighthood.  If  a 
knight  of  the  garter  is  degraded,  his  spurs  must  be  hacked  to 
pieces  by  the  king's  conk. 

§  The  temple  of  Virtue  and  Honor  was  built  by  Marius  ;  tho 
architect  was  Mutius ;  it  had  no  posticura.     See  Vitruvius,  &c. 


Canto  i.]  HUDIBRAS.  209 

And  puts  uew  life  into  dull  matter  ; 

That  lays  foundation  for  renown,  815 

And  all  the  honours  of  the  gown. 

This  sufFer'd,  they  are  set  at  large, 

And  freed  with  hon'rable  discharge  ; 

Then,  in  their  robes,  the  penitentials 

Are  straight  presented  with  credentials,*  820 

And  in  their  way  attended  on 

By  magistrates  of  every  town  ; 

And,  all  respect  and  charges  paid. 

They're  to  their  ancient  seats  couvey'd. 

Now  if  you'll  venture  for  my  sake,  625 

To  try  the  toughness  of  your  back. 

And  suffer,  as  the  rest  have  done. 

The  laying  of  a  whipping  on. 

And  may  you  prosper  in  your  suit. 

As  you  with  equal  vigour  do't,  830 

I  here  engage  to  be  your  bail. 

And  free  you  from  th'  unknightly  jail: 

But  since  our  sex's  modesty 

Will  not  allow  I  should  be  by, 

Bring  me,  on  oath,  a  fair  account,  835 

And  honour  to,  when  you  have  done't ; 

And  I'll  admit  you  to  the  place 

You  claim  as  due  in  my  good  grace. 

If  matrimony  and  hanging  go 

By  dest'ny,  why  not  whipping  too?  840 

What  med'cine  else  can  cure  the  fits 

Of  lovers,  when  they  lose  their  wits  ? 

Love  is  a  boy  by  poets  styl'd, 

Then  spare  the  rod,  and  spoil  the  child : 

A  Persian  emp'ror  whipp'd  his  grannum,  845 

The  sea,  his  mother  Venus  came  on  ;t 

And  hence  some  rev'rend  men  approve 

9  *  This  alludes  to  the  acts  of  parliament,  33  Eliz.  cap.  4,  and  1 
James  I.  c.  31,  whereby  vagrants  are  ordered  to  be  whipped,  and, 
with  a  proper  cerlificale,  conveyed  by  the  constables  of  the  sev- 
eral parishes  to  the  place  of  their  settlement.  These  acts  are 
In  a  great  measure  repealed  by  the  12th  of  Anne.  Explained, 
amended,  and  repealed  by  the  10th,  13th,  and  17th  George  II. 

t  Spoil,  or  spill,  as  in  some  copies,  from  the  Saxon,  is  fre 
quently  used  by  Chaucer,  in  the  sense  of,  to  ruin,  to  destroy. 

Xerxes  whipped  the  sea,  which  was  the  mother  of  Venus, 
Und  Venus  was  the  mother  of  Cupid ;  the  sea,  therefore,  was 
the  grannum,  or  grand-mother  of  Cupid,  and  the  object  of  impe- 
rial fliigellation,  when  the  winds  and  the  waves  were  not  favor 
able  and  propitious  to  his  fleets. 

In  Coruni  atque  Eurum  solitus  sa;vire  flagellis 
Barbarus — ~  Juven  Sat.  x.  180. 


210  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  n, 

Of  rosemary  in  making  love.* 

As  skilful  coopers  hoop  their  tubs 

With  Lydian  and  with  Phrygian  dubs,+  850 

Why  may  not  whipping  have  as  good 

A  grace,  perform'd  in  time  and  mood : 

With  comely  movement,  and  by  art, 

Raise  passion  in  a  lady's  heart? 

It  is  an  easier  way  to  make  855 

Love  by,  than  that  which  many  take. 

Who  would  not  rather  suffer  whipping, 

Than  swallow  toasts  of  bits  of  ribbin  It 

Make  wicked  verses,  traits,§  and  faces. 

And  spell  names  over  with  beer-glasses  ?|1  860 

Be  under  vows  to  hang  and  die 

Ijove's  sacrifice,  and  all  a  lie? 

With  China-oranges  and  tarts. 

And  whining-plays,  lay  baits  for  hearts  ? 

Bribe  chambermaids  with  love  and  money,  865 

To  break  no  roguish  jests  upon  ye  ?ir 

For  lilies  limn'd  on  cheeks,  and  roses, 


*  Venns  came  from  the  sea ;  hence  the  poet  supposes  some 
connection  with  the  word  rosemary,  or  ros  maris,  dew  of  the  sea. 
Rev'rend  in  the  preceding  line  means  ancient,  or  old:  it  is  used 
in  this  sense  by  Pope,  in  his  Epistles  to  Lord  Cobham,  v.  232. 
Reverend  age  occurs  in  Waller,  cd.  Fenton,  p.  56,  and  in  this 
poem,  P.  ii.  c.  i.  v.  527. 

t  Coopers,  like  blacksmiths,  give  to  their  work  alternately  a 
heavy  stroke  and  a  light  one :  which  our  poet  humorously  com- 
pares to  the  Lydian  and  Phrygian  measures.  The  former  was 
soft  and  efleminate,  and  called  by  Aristotle  moral,  because  it 
settled  and  composed  the  affections ;  the  latter  was  rough  and 
martial,  and  termed  enthusiastic,  because  it  agitated  the  pas- 
sions : 

Et  Phrygio  stimulet  numero  cava  tibia  mentes. 

Lucr.  ii.  620. 
Phrygiis  cantibus  incitantur.     Cic.  de  Div.  i.  114. 

And  all  the  while  sweet  music  did  divide  • 

Her  looser  notes  with  Lydian  harmony. 
%  These  and  the  following  lines  afford  a  curious  specimen  of 
the  follies  practised  by  inamoratos. 

^  Trait  is  a  word  rarely  used  in  English,  of  French  origin, 
signifying  a  stroke,  or  turn  of  wit  or  fancy. 

II  This  kind  of  transmutation  Mr.  Butler  is  often  guilty  of:  he 
means,  scribble  the  beer-glasses  over  with  the  name  of  his  sweet- 
heart, [rather  spells  them  in  the  number  of  glasses  of  beer,  as 
before  at  v.  370.] 
IT  Sed  prius  ancillam  captandas  nosse  puellae 

Cura  sit:  accessus  molliat  ilia  tuos. 
Proxima  consiliis  domina;  sit  ut  ilia  videto ; 
Neve  parum  tacitis  conscia  fida  jocis. 

Ovid,  de  Arte  Amandi,  lib.  1.  351. 


Canto  i.l  HUDIBRAS.  211 

With  painted  perfumes,  hazard  noses?* 

Or,  vent'ring  to  be  brisk  and  wanton, 

Do  penance  in  a  paper  lanthoru  ?t  870 

All  this  you  may  compound  for  nov/, 

By  sufF'ring  what  I  offer  you  ; 

Which  is  no  more  than  has  been  done 

By  knights  for  ladies  long  agone. 

Did  not  tlie  great  La  Mancha  do  so  R75 

For  the  Infanta  del  Toboso  ?t 

Did  not  th'  illustrious  Bassa  make 

Himself  a  slave  for  Misse's  sake  ?§ 

And  with  bull's  pizzle,  for  her  love, 

Was  taw'd  as  gentle  as  a  glove  ?||  880 

Was  not  young  Florio  sent,  to  cool 

His  flame  for  Biancafiore,  to  school, IT 

Where  pedant  made  his  pathic  bum 

For  her  sake  suffer  martyrdom  ? 

*  Their  perfumes  and  paints  were  more  prejudicial  than  the 
rouge  and  odors  of  modern  times.  They  were  used  by  fops  and 
coxcomlis  as  well  as  by  women.  The  plain  meaning  of  the  dis- 
tich is,  venture  disease  for  painted  and  perfumed  whores. 

t  Alluding  to  a  method  of  cure  for  the  venereal  disease:  and 
It  may  point  equivocally  to  some  part  of  the  Presbyterian  or 
popish  discipline. 

t  Meaning  the  penance  which  Don  Qui.xote  underwent  for  the 
sake  of  his  Dulcinea,  Part  i.  book  iii.  ch.  2. 

$  Ibrahim,  the  illustrious  Bassa,  in  the  romance  of  Monsieur 
Scudery.  His  mistress,  Isabella,  princess  of  Monaco,  being  con- 
veyed away  to  the  Sultan's  seraglio,  he  gets  into  the  palace  in 
quality  of  a  slave,  and,  after  a  multitude  of  adventures,  becomes 
grand-vizier. 

II  To  taw  is  a  term  used  by  leather-dressers,  signifying  to  soften 
the  leather,  and  make  it  pliable,  by  frequently  rubbing  it.  So  in 
Ben  Jonson's  Alchymist,  "  Be  curry'd,  claw'd,  and  flaw'd,  and 
"  taw'd  indeed."  In  the  standard  of  ancient  weights  and  meas- 
ures, we  read:  "the  cyse  of  a  tanner  that  he  tanne  ox  leather, 
"and  netes,  and  calves; — the  cyse  of  a  tawyer  that  he  shall 
"  tawe  none  but  sliepes  leather  and  deres."  So  the  tawer,  or 
fell-monger,  prepares  soft  supple  leather,  as  of  buck,  doe,  kid, 
sheep,  lamb,  for  gloves,  &c.,  which  preparation  of  tawing  differs 
much  from  tanning.  Johnson,  in  his  Dictionary,  says,  '•  To  taw 
"is  to  dress  white  leather,  conutionly  called  alum  leather,  in 
"  contradistinction  from  tan  leather,  that  which  is  dressed  with 
"  bark."    [To  beat  and  dress  leather  with  alum.    Nares.] 

IT  This  she  instances  from  an  Italian  romance,  entitled  Florio 
and  Biancafiore.  Thus  the  lady  mentions  some  illustrious  ex- 
amples of  the  three  nations,  Spanish,  French,  and  Italian,  t& 
induce  the  knight  to  give  himself  a  scourgini,  according  to  the 
established  laws  of  chivalry  and  novelism.  The  adventures  of 
Florio  and  Biancafiore,  which  make  the  principal  subject  of 
Boccace's  Philocopo,  were  famous  long  before  Boccace,  as  he 
himself  informs  us.  Floris  and  Blancaster  are  mentioned  as 
illustrious  lovers,  by  a  Languedocian  poet,  in  his  Breviari  d'Amor, 
dated  in  the  year  1288:  it  is  probable,  however,  that  the  story 
was  enlarged  by  Boccace.    See  TyrWi\itt  on  Chaucer,  iv.  169. 


212  HUDIIiRAS.  [Partii 

Did  not  a  certain  lady  whip,  884 

Of  late,  her  husband's  own  lordship?* 

And  tho'  a  grandee  of  the  house, 

Claw'd  him  with  fundamental  blows ; 

Ty'd  him  stark-naked  to  a  bed-post. 

And  firk'd  his  hide,  as  if  sh'  had  rid  post ;  896 

And  after  in  the  sessions  court. 

Where  whipping's  judg'd,  had  honour  for't? 

This  swear  you  will  perform,  and  then 

I'll  set  you  from  tli'  enchanted  den, 

And  the  magician's  circle,  clear.  895 

Quoth  he,  I  do  profess  and  swearj 
And  will  perform  what  you  enjoin. 
Or  may  I  never  see  you  mine. 


*  Lord  Munson,  of  Bury  St.  Edmund's,  one  of  the  king's  judges, 
being  suspected  by  his  lady  of  changing  his  political  principles, 
was  by  her,  together  with  the  assistance  of  her  maids,  tied 
naked  to  the  bed-post,  and  whipped  till  he  promised  to  behave 
better.  Sir  William  Waller's  lady,  Mrs.  May,  and  Sir  Henry 
Mildmay's  lady,  were  supposed  to  have  exercised  the  same  au- 
thority. See  History  of  Flagellants,  p.  340,  8vo.  I  meet  with 
the  following  lines  in  Butler's  MS.  Common-place  Book ; 

Bees  are  governed  in  a  monarchy, 

By  some  more  noble  female  bee. 

For  females  never  grow  effeminate. 

As  men  prove  often,  and  subvert  a  state. 

For  as  they  take  to  men,  and  men  to  them, 

It  is  the  safest  in  the  worst  extream. 

The  Gracchi  were  more  resolute  and  stout, 

Who  only  by  thcii  mother  had  been  taught. 
The  ladies  on  both  sides  were  very  active  during  the  civil 
wars ;  they  held  their  meetings,  at  which  they  encouraged  one 
another  in  their  zeal.  Among  the  MSS.  in  the  museum  at  Ox- 
ford is  one  entitled  Diverse  remarkable  Orders  of  the  Ladies,  at 
the  Spring-garden,  in  parliament  assembled  :  together  with  cer- 
tain votes  of  the  unlawful  assembly  at  Kate's,  in  Covenl-garden, 
both  sent  abroad  to  prevent  misinformation.  Vesper.  Veneris 
Martii  25,  1647.  One  of  the  orders  is:  "  That  whereas  the  lady 
"Norton,  door-keeper  of  this  house,  complayned  of  Sir  Robert  Har- 
"ley,  a  member  of  the  house  of  commons,  lor  attempting  to  deface 
"  her,  which  happened  thus:  the  said  lady  being  a  zealous  Inde- 
"  pendent,  and  fond  of  the  saints,  and  Sir  Robert  Barley  having 
"  found  thatshe  was  likewise  painted,  he  pretended  thatshe  came 
"within  his  ordinance  against  idolatry,  saints  painted,  crosses, 
"&c. ;  but  some  friends  of  the  said  door-keeper  urging  in  her 
"  behalf,  that  none  did  ever  yet  attempt  to  adore  her,  or  worship 
"  her,  she  was  justified,  and  the  house  hereupon  declared,  that 
"  if  any  person,  by  virtue  of  any  power  whatsoever,  pretended 
"  to  be  derived  from  the  house  of  commons,  or  any  other  court, 
"shall  go  about  to  impeach,  hinder,  or  disturb  any  lady  from 
"painting,  worshipping,  or  adorning  herself  to  the  best  advan- 
"  tage,  as  also  from  planting  of  hairs,  or  investing  of  teeth,"  &c., 
&c.  Another  order  in  this  mock  parliament  was,  that  they  send 
a  messenger  to  the  assembly  of  divines,  to  inqiiire  what  is  meant 
by  the  words  due  benevolence. 


Canto  i.J  HUDIBRAS.  213 

Amen,  quoth  she,  then  turn'd  about, 
And  bid  her  squire  let  him  out.  900 

But  ere  an  artist  could  be  found 
T'  undo  tlie  charms  auother  bound. 
The  sun  grew  low  and  left  the  skies, 
Put  down,  some  write,  by  ladies'  eyes. 
The  moon  pull'd  off  her  veil  of  light,*  005 

That's  hides  her  face  by  day  from  sight. 
Mysterious  veil,  of  brightness  made. 
That's  both  her  lustre  and  her  shade,t 
And  in  the  night  as  freely  shone. 
As  if  her  rays  had  been  her  own :  910 

For  darkness  is  the  proper  sphere 
Where  all  false  glories  use  t'  appear. 
The  twinkling  stars  began  to  mustre, 
And  glitter  with  their  borrow'd  lustre, 
While  sleep  the  weary'd  world  reliev'd,  915 

By  counterfeiting  death  reviv'd.t 
Our  vot'ry  thought  it  best  t'  adjourn 
His  whipping  penance  till  the  morn, 
And  not  to  carry  on  a  work 


*  This,  and  the  eleven  following  lines,  are  very  just  and 
beautiful. 

t  The  rays  of  the  sun  obscure  the  moon  by  day,  and  enliphten 
it  by  night.  This  passage  is  extremely  beautiful  and  poetical, 
showing,  among  many  others,  Mr.  Butler's  powers  in  serious 
poetry,  if  he  had  chosen  that  path. 

t  There  is  a  beautiful  modern  epigram,  which  I  do  not  cor- 
rectly remember,  or  know  where  to  find.    It  runs  nearly  thus  : 

Somne  levis,  quanqnam  certissinia  mortis  imago, 

Consortem  cupio  te  tamen  esse  tori. 
Alma  quies  optata  veni,  nam  sic  sine  vit4 

Vivere  quam  suave  est,  sic  sine  morte  mori. 

Stvoj  Ta  /jLtKpa  Tov  Oavdrov  ^v<^r)pta. 

Gnomici  Poeta,  915,  243. 

Sirvoj  PpoTtiwv  Traug'ijp  Ti6vwv. 

Athena.  I.  x.  p.  449. 

vwoi  neipvKC  ciijiaTo;  auJTrjpla. 

Brunck.  Analect.  243. 

This  canto  in  general  is  C-mitable  for  wit  and  pleasantry:  the 
character  of  Hudibras  is  well  preserved  ;  his  manner  of  address 
appears  to  be  natural,  and  at  the  same  time  has  strong  marks  of 
singularity.  Towards  the  conclusion,  indeed,  the  conversation 
becomes  obscene  ;  but,  excepting  this  blemish,  I  think  the  whole 
canto  by  no  means  inferior  to  any  part  of  the  performance.  The 
critic  will  remark  how  exact  our  poet  is  in  observing  times  and 
seasons  ;  he  describes  morning  and  evoning,  and  one  day  only  la 
passed  since  the  opening  of  the  poem. 


314  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  n 

Of  such  importance,  in  the  dark,  920 

With  erring  haste,  but  rather  stay. 
And  do't  i'  th'  open  face  of  day  ; 
And  in  the  mean  time  go  in  quest 
Of  next  retreat,  to  take  his  leett 


PART  II,     CANTO  li. 

THE  ARGUMENT. 

The  Knight  and  Squire  in  hot  disputSj 

Within  an  ace  of  falling  out, 

Are  parted  with  a  sudden  fright 

Of  strange  alarm,  and  stranger  sight  { 

With  which  adventuring  to  stickle. 

They're  sent  away  in  nasty  pickle. 


HUDIBRAS. 


CANTO  II. 

'Tis  strange  how  some  men's  tempers  suitj 

Like  bawd  and  brandy,  with  dispute,* 

That  for  their  own  opinions  stand  fast. 

Only  to  have  the-m  claw'd  and  canvast. 

That  keep  their  consciences  in  cases,!  5 

As  fiddlers  do  their  crowds  and  bases,! 

Ne'er  to  be  us'd  but  when  they're  bent 

To  play  a  fit  for  argument.^ 

Make  true  and  false,  unjust  and  just, 

Of  no  use  but  to  be  discust ;  .10 

Dispute  and  set  a  paradox. 

Like  a  straight  boot,  upon  the  stocks, 

And  stretch  it  more  unmercifully, 

Than  Helmont,  Montaigne,  White,  or  Tully,|| 


*  That  is,  how  some  men  love  disputing,  as  a  bawd  loves 
brandy. 

t  A  pun,  or  jeii  de  mots,  on  cases  of  conscience. 

j  That  is,  their  fiddles  and  violoncellos. 

§  The  old  phrase  was,  to  play  a  fit  of  mirth :  the  word  fit  often 
occurs  in  ancient  ballads,  and  metrical  romances:  it  is  generally 
applied  to  music,  and  signifies  a  division  or  part,  for  the  conve- 
nience of  the  performers ;  thus  in  the  old  poem  of  John  the 
Reeve,  the  first  part  ends  with  this  line, 

The  first  fitt  here  find  we ; 

afterwards  it  signified  the  whole  part  or  division :  thus  Chaucei 
concludes  the  rhyme  of  Sir  Thopas  : 

Lo  !  lordes  min,  here  is  a  fit ; 
If  ye  will  any  more  of  it, 
To  tell  it  woll  I  fond. 

The  learned  and  ingenious  bishop  of  Dromore,  (Dr.  Percy,) 
thinks  the  word  fit  originally  signified  a  poetic  strain,  verse,  or 
poem. 

II  Men  are. too  apt  to  subtilize  when  they  labor  in  defence  of 
a  favorite  sect  or  system.  Van  Helmont  was  an  eminent  phy- 
sician and  naturalist,  a  warm  opposer  of  the  principles  of  Aris- 
totle and  Galen,  and  unreasonably  attached  to  chemistry  He 
was  born  at  Brussels,  in  1588,  and  died  1604.  Michael  de  Mon 
taigne  was  born  at  Perigord,  of  a  good  family,  1533,  died  159i 


Canto  u.]  HUDIBRAS.  217 

So  th'  ancient  Stoics  in  the  porch,  15 

With  fierce  dispute  maintaiu'd  their  church, 

Beat  out  their  brains  in  fight  and  study, 

To  prove  that  virtue  is  a  body,* 

That  bonum  is  au  animal, 

Made  good  with  stout  polemic  bravsrl :  20 

In  whicli  some  hundreds  on  the  place 


lie  was  fancifully  educated  by  his  father,  waked  every  morning 
with  instruments  of  music,  taught  Latin  by  conversation,  and 
Greeli  as  an  amusement.  His  paradoxes  related  only  to  common 
life ;  for  he  had  little  depth  of  learning.  His  essays  contain 
abundance  of  whimsical  reflections  on  matters  of  ordinary  oc- 
currence, especially  upon  hisown  temper  and  qualities.  He  was 
counsellor  in  the  parliament  of  Bourdeaux,  and  mayor  of  the 
same  place.  Thomas  White  was  second  son  of  Richard  White, 
of  Essex,  esquire,  by  Mary  his  wife,  daughter  of  Edmund  Plow- 
den,  the  great  lawyer,  in  the  reign  of  Elizabeth.  He  was  a 
zealous  champion  for  the  church  of  Rome  and  the  Aristotelian 
philosophy.  He  wrote  against  Joseph  Glanville,  who  printed  at 
London,  1665,  a  book  entitled,  Scepsis  Scientifica,  or  Confessed 
Ignorance  the  Way  to  Science.  Mr.  White's  answer,  which  de- 
fended Aristotle  and  his  disciples,  was  entitled.  Scire,  sive  Scep- 
tices  et  Scepticorum  a  jure  Disputationis  exclusio.  This  pro- 
duced a  reply  from  Glanville,  under  the  title  of,  Scire,  tuum  ni- 
hil est.  White  published  several  books  with  the  signatures  of 
Thomas  Albius,  or  Thomas  Anglus  ex  Albiis.  His  Dialogues 
de  Mundo,  bear  date  1G42,  and  are  signed,  autore  Thoma  Anglo 
e  generos4  Albiorum  in  oriente  Trinobantum  prosapi^  oriundo. 
He  embraced  the  opinions  of  Sir  Kenelm  Dighy.  For  Tully 
some  editions  read  Ijiilly.  Raymond  Lully  was  a  Majorcan, 
born  in  the  thirteenth  century.  He  is  said  to  have  been  extreme- 
ly dissolute  in  his  youth;  to  have  turned  sober  at  forty;  in  his 
old  age  to  have  preached  the  gospel  to  the  Saracens,  and  suffered 
martyrdom,  anno  1315.  As  to  his  paradoxes,  prodiit,  says  San- 
derson, e  media  barbarie  vir  magna  professus,  R.  Lullus,  qui 
opus  logicum  quam  specioso  titulo  insignivit,  artem  magnam 
comnientus:  cujus  ope  pollicetur  trimestri  spatio  hominem, 
quamvis  vel  ipsa  literarum  elementa  nescientem,  totam  encyclo- 
psdiam  perdocere  ;  idque  per  circulos  et  triangulos,  et  literas  al- 
phabeti  sursum  versum  revolutas.  There  is  a  summary  of  his 
sclleme  in  Gassendus  de  Usu  LogicK,  c  8;  Alsted  Encyclop. 
tom.  iv.  sect.  17.  He  is  frequently  mentioned  in  Butler's  Re- 
mains, see  vol.  i.  131,  and  in  the  character  of  an  hermetic  phi- 
losopher, vol.  ii.  pp.  232,  247-251.  But  I  have  retained  the  word 
Tully  with  the  author's  corrected  edition.  Mr.  Butler  alluded, 
I  suppose,  to  Cicero's  Stoicorum  Paradoxa,  in  which,  merely  for 
the  exercise  of  his  wit,  and  to  amuse  himself  and  his  friends, 
he  has  undertaken  to  defend  some  of  the  most  extravagant  doc- 
trines of  the  porch:  Ego  vero  ilia  ipsa,  qua;  vix  in  gymnasiis  et 
in  otio  stoici  probant,  ludens  conjeci  in  communes  locos. 

*  The  stoics  allowed  of  no  incorporeal  substance,  no  medium 
between  body  and  nothing.  With  them  accidents  and  qualities, 
virtues  and  vices,  the  passions  of  the  mind,  and  every  thing  else, 
was  body.  Animam  constat  animal  esse,  cum  ipsa  efficiat  ut 
simus  animalia.  Virtus  autem  nihil  aliud  est  quam  animus  tal- 
Iter  se  habens.  Ergo  animal  est.  See  also  Seneca,  epistle  113, 
and  Plutarch  on  Superstition,  sub  initio. 
10 


218  HUDIBRAS  FPart  b 

Were  slain  outright,*  and  many  a  face 
Retrench'd  of  nose,  and  eyes,  and  beard, 
-    To  maintain  what  their  sect  averr'd. 

All  which  the  knight  and  squire  in  wrath,  25 

Had  like  t'  have  sufFer'd  for  their  faith  ; 
Each  striving  to  make  good  his  own, 
As  by  the  sequel  shall  be  shown. 

The  sun  had  long  since,  in  the  lap 
Of  Thetis,  taken  out  his  nap,  30 

And  like  a  lobster  boil'd,  the  morn 
From  black  to  red  began  to  turn  ;t 
When  Pludibras,  whom  thoughts  and  aching 
'Twixt  sleeping  kept  all  night  and  waking. 
Began  to  rouse  liis  drowsy  eyes,  3i 

And  from  his  couch  prepar'd  to  rise  ; 
Resolving  to  dispatch  the  deed 
He  vow'd  to  do  with  trusty  speed : 
But  first,  with  knocking  loud  and  bawling. 


*  We  meet  with  the  same  account  in  the  Remains,  vol.  ii. 
242.  "This  had  been  an  excellent  course  for  the  old  rountl- 
"  headed  stoics  to  find  out  whether  bonum  was  corpus,  or  virtue 
"an  animal;  about  which  they  had  so  many  fierce  encounters 
"  in  their  stoa,  that  about  1400  lost  their  lives  on  the  place,  and 
"  far  many  more  their  beards,  and  teeth,  and  noses."  The  Gre- 
cian history,  I  believe,  does  not  countenance  these  remarks. 
Diogenes  Laertius,  in  his  life  of  Zeno,  book  vii.  sect.  5,  says,  that 
this  philosopher  read  his  lectures  in  the  stoa  or  portico,  and 
hopes  the  place  would  be  no  more  violated  by  civil  seditions : 
for,  adds  he,  when  the  thirty  tyrants  governed  the  republic,  1400 
citizens  were  killed  there.  Making  no  mention  of  a  philosophi- 
cal brawl,  but  speaking  of  a  series  of  civil  executions,  which 
took  place  in  the  ninety-fourth  olympiad,  at  least  a  hundred 
years  before  the  foundation  of  the  stoical  school.  In  the  old  an- 
notations, the  words  of  Laertius  are  cited  differently.  "In  por- 
"  ticu  (stoicorum  schola  Athenis)  discipulorum  seditionibus, 
"  niille  quadringenti  triginta  cives  interfecti  sunt."  But  from 
whence  the  words  "  discipulorum  seditionibus"  were  picked  up, 
I  know  not:  unless  from  the  old  version  of  Ambrosius  of  CaBfial- 
doli.  There  is  nothing  to  answer  them  in  the  Greek,  nor  do  they 
appear  in  the  translations  of  Aldobrandus  or  Meibomius.  Xen- 
ophon  observes,  that  more  persons  were  destroyed  by  the  tyran- 
ny of  the  thirty,  than  had  been  slain  by  the  enemy  in  eight  en- 
tire years  of  the  Peloponnesian  war.  Both  Isocrates  and  JEs- 
chines  make  the  number  fifteen  hundred.  Seneca  De  Tranquil, 
thirteen  hundred.  Lysias  reports,  that  three  hundred  were  con- 
demned by  one  sentence.  Laertius  is  the  only  writer  that  rep- 
resents the  portico  as  the  scene  of  their  sufierings.  This,  It 
is  true,  stood  in  tlie  centre  of  Athens,  in  or  near  the  forum. 
Perhaps,  also,  it  might  not  be  far  from  the  desmoterion,  ot 
prison. 

t  Mr.  M.  Bacon  says,  this  simile  is  taken  from  Rabelais,  who 
calls  the  lobster  cardinalized,  from  the  red  habit  assumed  by  tiie 
etergy  of  that  rank. 


Canto  n.]  HUDIBRAS.  21& 

He  rous'd  the  squire,  in  truckle  lolling  ;*  40 

And  after  many  circumstances, 

Which  vulgar  authors  in  romances, 

Do  use  to  spend  their  time  and  wits  on, 

To  make  impertinent  description, 

They  got,  with  much  ado,  to  horse,  45 

And  to  the  castle  bent  their  course, 

In  w  hich  he  to  the  dame  before 

To  suffer  whipping-duty  swore  :t 

Where  now  arriv'd,  and  half  unharnest, 

To  carry  on  the  work  in  earnest,  50 

He  stopp'd  and  paus'd  upon  the  sudden, 

And  with  a  serious  forehead  plodding. 

Sprung  a  new  scruple  in  his  head, 

Which  first  he  scratch'd,  and  after  said  ; 

Whether  it  be  direct  infringing  55 

An  oath,  if  I  should  wave  this  swinging,! 

And  what  I've  sworn  to  bear,  forbear, 

And  so  b'  equivocation  swear  ;§ 

Or  whether  't  be  a  lesser  sin 

To  be  forsworn,  than  act  the  thing,  60 

Are  deep  and  subtle  points,  which  must, 

T'  inform  my  conscience,  be  discust ; 

In  which  to  err  a  little,  may 

To  errors  infinite  make  way : 

And  therefore  I  desire  to  know  65 

Thy  judgment,  ere  we  farther  go. 

Quoth  Ralp\io,  Since  you  do  injoin't, 
I  shall  enlarge  upon  the  point ; 
And,  for  my  own  part,  do  not  doubt 
Th'  affirmative  may  be  made  out.  70 

But  first,  to  state  the  case  aright, 
For  best  advantage  of  our  light ; 
And  thus  'tis,  whether  't  be  a  sin. 
To  claw  and  curry  our  own  skin, 
Greater  or  less  than  to  forbear,  75 

And  that  you  are  forsworn  forswear. 


*  See  Don  Quixote,  Part  ii.  ch.  20.  A  truckle-bed  is  a  little 
bed  on  wheel?,  which  runs  under  a  larger  bed. 

t  In  some  ol  the  early  editions,  it  is  duly  swore,  the  sense  being 
in  which  he  before  swore  to  the  dame  to  suffer  whipping  duly. 

X  From  the  Anglo-Saxon  word  swingan,  to  beat,  or  whip. 

^  The  equivocations  and  mental  reservations  of  the  Jesuits 
were  loudly  complained  of,  and  by  none  more  than  by  the  sec- 
taries. When  these  last  came  into  power,  the  royalists  had  too 
often  an  opportunity  of  bringing  the  same  charge  against  theia, 
gee  Sanderson  De  Jur.  Oblig.  pr.  ii.  55,  11. 


220  HUDIBRAS.  [Parf  n 

But  first,  o'  th'  first :  The  inward  man, 

And  outward,  like  a  clan  and  clan, 

Have  always  been  at  daggers-drawing 

And  one  another  clapper-clawing:*  81 

Not  that  they  really  cuiFor  fence, 

But  in  a  spiritual  mystic  sense  ; 

Which  to  mistake,  and  make  them  squabble, 

In  literal  fray's  abominable  ; 

'Tis  heathenish,  in  frequent  use,  85 

''^ith  pagans  and  apostate  jews. 

To  offer  sacrifice  of  bridewells,t 

Like  modern  Indians  to  their  idols  ,i 

And  mongrel  Christians  of  our  times, 

That  expiate  less  with  greater  crimes,  90 

And  call  the  foul  abomination, 

Contrition  and  mortification. 

Is't  not  enough  we're  bruis'd  and  kicked. 

By  sinful  members  of  the  wicked  ; 

Our  vessels,  that  are  sanctify'd,  95 

Profan'd,  and  curry'd  back  and  side ; 

But  we  must  claw  ourselves  with  shameful 

And  heathen  stripes,  by  their  example? 

Which,  were  there  nothing  to  forbid  it, 

Is  impious,  because  they  did  it:  100 

This  therefore  may  be  justly  reckon'd 

A  heinous  sin.     Now  to  the  second ; 

That  saints  may  claim  a  dispensation 

To  swear  and  forswear  on  occasion, 

I  doubt  not ;  but  it  will  appear  105 

With  pregnant  light :  the  point  is  clear, 

Oaths  are  but  words,  and  words  but  wind. 

Too  feeble  implements  to  bind  ; 

And  hold  with  deeds  proportion,  so 

As  shadows  to  a  substance  do.§  110 

Then  when  they  strive  for  place,  'tis  fit 

The  weaker  vessel  should  submit. 

Although  yoni  church  be  opposite 

To  ours,  ££  iilack  Friars  are  to  White, 

'  The  ciau.f  cr  tribes  of  the  Highlanders  of  Scotland,  have 
sii«ietiineg  »j^t  up  an  hereditary  prosecution  of  their  qaarrels 
fie;  many  j,rrerations.  The  doctrine  which  the  Independents 
at  1  oth'jjr  rfitaries  held,  concerning  the  inward  and  outward 
lOAn,  is  frf'iaently  alluded  to,  and  frequently  explained,  in  these 
m  tei 

t  vVhipvlng,  the  punishment  usually  inflicted  in  houses  of 

*  Tms  is,  the  fakirs,  dervises,  bonzes,  of  the  east. 
i  tkjyoi  tpyov  oKtd,  was  an  aphorism  of  Democritus. 


Canto  u.J  HUDIBRAS  221 

In  rule  aud  order,  yet  I  grant  115 

You  are  a  reformado  saint  ;* 

And  what  the  saints  do  claim  as  due. 

You  may  pretend  a  title  to : 

But  saints,  whom  oaths  or  vows  oblige, 

Know  little  of  their  privilege  ;  120 

Farther,  I  mean,  than  carrying  on 

Some  self-advantage  of  tiieir  own : 

For  if  the  devil,  to  serve  his  turn, 

Can  tell  truth  ;  why  the  saints  should  scorn, 

When  it  serves  theirs,  to  swear  and  lie,  125 

I  think  there's  little  reason  why : 

Else  h'  has  a  greater  power  than  they, 

Which  'twere  impiety  to  say. 

We're  not  commanded  to  forbear. 

Indefinitely,  at  all  to  swear ;  J 30 

But  to  swear  idly,  and  in  vain. 

Without  self-interest  or  gain. 

For  breaking  of  an  oath  and  lying. 

Is  but  a  kind  of  self-denying, 

A  saint-like  virtue  ;  and  from  hence  13r> 

Some  have  broke  oaths  by  providence  : 

Some,  to  the  glory  of  the  Lord, 

Perjur'd  themselves,  and  broke  their  word  :1 

And  this  the  constant  rule  and  practice 

Of  all  our  late  apostles'  acts  is.  140 

Was  not  the  cause  at  first  begun 

With  perjury,  and  carried  on  ? 

Was  there  an  oath  the  godly  took, 

But  in  due  time  and  place  they  broke  1 


*  That  is,  a  saint  volunteer,  as  being  a  Presbyterian,  for  the 
Independents  were  the  saints  in  pay.    See  P.  iii.  c.  ii.  I.  91. 

t  Dr.  Owen  had  a  wonderful  knack  of  attributing  all  the  pro- 
ceedings of  his  own  party  to  the  direction  of  the  spirit.  "The 
"  rebel  army,"  says  South,  "  in  their  several  trealings  with  the 
"  king,  being  asked  by  him  whether  they  would  stand  to  such 
"  ard  such  agreements  and  promises,  still  answered,  that  they 
"would  do  as  the  spirit  should  direct  them.  Whereupon  that 
"  blessed  prince  would  frequently  condole  his  hard  fate,  that  he 
"  had  to  do  with  persons  to  whom  the  spirit  dictated  one  thing 
"one  day,  and  commanded  the  clean  contrary  the  next."  So 
the  history  of  independency :  when  it  was  first  moved  in  the 
house  of  commons  to  proceed  capitally  against  the  king,  Crom- 
well stood  up,  and  told  them,  that  if  any  man  moved  this  with 
design,  he  should  think  him  the  greatest  traitor  in  the  world; 
nut,  since  providence  and  necessity  had  cast  them  upon  it,  he 
"should  pray  God  to  bless  their  counsels.  Harrison,  Carew,  and 
others,  when  tried  for  the  part  they  took  in  the  king's  death, 
professed  they  had  acted  out  of  conscience  to  the  Lord. 


222  HUDIBRAS,  [Part  u 

Did  we  not  bring  our  oaths  in  first,  145 

Before  our  plate,  to  have  them  burst, 

And  cast  in  fitter  models,  for 

The  present  use  of  church  and  war? 

Did  not  our  worthies  of  the  house. 

Before  they  broke  the  peace,  break  vows?  150 

For  having  freed  us  first  from  both 

Th'  alleg'ance  and  suprem'cy  oath  ;* 

Did  they  not  next  compel  the  nation 

To  take,  and  break  the  protestation  ?t 

To  swear,  and  after  to  recant,  1 55 

The  solemn  league  and  covenant  ?t 

To  take  th'  engagement,  and  disclaim  it,^ 

Enforc'd  by  those  who  first  did  frame  it  ? 

Did  they  not  swear,  at  first,  to  fight|| 

*  Though  they  did  not  in  formal  and  express  terms  abrogate 
tliese  oaths  till  after  the  king's  death,  yet  in  effect  they  vacated 
and  annulled  them,  by  administering  the  king's  power,  and  sub- 
stitutins  other  oaths,  protestations,  and  covenants.  Of  these  last 
it  is  said  in  the  Icon  Basilike,  whoever  was  the  author  of  it, 
"  Every  man  soon  grows  his  own  pope,  and  easily  absolves  him- 
"  self  from  those  ties,  which  not  the  command  of  God's  word,  or 
"  the  laws  of  the  land,  but  only  the  subtilty  and  terror  of  a  party 
"  cast  upon  them.  Either  superfluous  and  vain,  when  they  are 
"sufficiently  tied  before;  or  fraudulent  and  injurious,  if  by  such 
"  after  ligaments  they  find  the  impostors  really  aiming  to  dissolve 
"  or  suspend  their  furmer  just  and  necessary  obligations." 

t  In  the  protestation  they  promised  to  defend  the  true  reformed 
religion,  expressed  in  the  doctrine  of  the  Church  of  England ; 
which  yet  in  the  covenant,  not  long  after,  they  as  religiously 
vowed  to  change. 

t  And  to  recant  is  but  to  cant  again,  says  Sir  Robert  L'Estrange. 
In  the  solemn  league  and  covenant,  (called  a  league,  because  it 
was  to  be  a  bond  of  amity  and  confederation  between  the  king- 
doms of  England  and  Scotland  ;  and  a  covenant,  because  they 
]iretended  to  make  a  covenant  with  God,)  they  swore  to  delend 
the  person  and  authority  of  the  king,  and  cause  the  woild  to  be- 
hold their  fidelity ;  and  that  they  would  not,  in  the  least,  dimin- 
ish his  just  power  and  greatness.  The  Presbyterians,  who  in 
some  instances  stuck  to  the  covenant,  contrived  an  evasion  for 
this  part  of  it,  viz. :  that  they  had  sworn  to  defend  the  person 
and  authority  of  the  king  in  support  of  religion  and  ptibiic  liberty. 
Now,  said  they,  we  find  that  the  defence  of  the  person  and  au- 
thority of  the  king  is  incompatible  with  the  support  of  religion 
and  liberty,  and  therefore,  for  the  sake  of  religion  and  liberty, 
we  are  bound  to  oppose  and  ruin  the  Icing.  But  the  Independ- 
ents, who  were  at  last  the  prevailing  party,  utterly  renounced  the 
covenant.  Mr.  Goodwin,  one  of  their  most  eminent  preachers, 
asserted,  that  to  violate  this  abominable  and  cursed  oath,  out  of 
conscience  to  God.  was  a  holy  and  blessed  perjury. 

§  After  the  death  of  the  king  a  new  oath  was  prepared,  which 
Uiey  called  the  Engagement ;  the  form  whereof  was,  that  every 
man  should  engage  and  swear  to  be  true  and  faithful  to  the  gov 
zrnment  then  established. 

II  Cromwell,  though  in  general  a  hypocrite,  was  very  sincere 


Canto  u.J  HUDIBRAS  223 

For  the  king's  safety,  and  his  right  ?  160 

And  after  marcli'd  to  find  him  out. 

And  charg'd  him  home  with  horse  and  foot  ? 

And  yet  still  had  the  confidence 

To  swear  it  was  in  his  defence  ? 

Did  they  not  swear  to  live  and  die  163 

With  Essex,  and  straight  laid  him  by  ?* 

If  that  were  all,  for  some  have  swore 

As  false  as  they,  if  th'  did  no  more.t 

Did  they  not  swear  to  maintain  law. 

In  which  that  swearing  made  a  flaw  ?  170 

For  protostant  religion  vow, 

That  did  that  vowing  disallow? 

For  privilege  of  parliament, 

In  which  that  swearing  made  a  rent  1 

And  since,  of  all  the  tliree,  not  one  75 

Is  left  in  being,  'tis  well  known.J 

Did  they  not  swear,  in  express  words, 

To  prop  and  back  the  house  of  lords  ?§ 


when  he  first  mustered  his  troop,  and  declared  that  he  would 
not  deceive  them  by  perplexed  or  involved  expressions,  in  his 
commission,  to  fight  for  king  and  parliament;  but  he  would  as 
soon  discharge  his  pistol  upon  the  king  as  upon  any  other  person. 

*  When  the  parliament  first  took  up  arms,  and  the  earl  of 
Essex  was  chosen  general,  several  members  of  the  house  stood 
up  and  declared  that  they  would  live  and  die  with  the  earl  of 
Essex.  This  was  afterwards  the  usual  style  of  addresses  to  par- 
liament, and  of  their  resolutions.  Essex  continued  in  great 
esteem  with  the  party  till  September,  1C44,  when  he  was  de- 
feated by  the  king,  in  Cornwall.  But  the  principal  occasion  of 
his  being  laid  aside  was  the  subtle  practice  of  Cromwell,  who 
in  a  speech  to  the  house  had  thrown  out  some  oblique  reflections 
on  the  second  fight  near  Newbery,  and  the  loss  of  Donington 
castle ;  and,  fearing  the  resentment  of  Essex,  contrived  to  pass 
the  self-denying  ordinance,  whereby  Essex,  as  general,  and  most 
of  the  Presbyterians  in  office,  were  removed.  The  Presbyterians 
in  the  house  were  superior  in  number,  and  thought  of  new- 
modelling  the  army  again  ;  but  in  the  mean  time  the  earl  died. 

t  Essex,  it  was  loudly  said  by  many  of  his  friends,  was  poi 
soned.^  Clarendon's  History,  vol.  iii.  b.  10. 

t  Namely,  law,  religion,  and  privilege  of  parliament. 

^  When  the  army  began  to  present  criminal  information 
against  the  king,  in  order  to  keep  the  lords  quiet,  who  might 
well  be  supposed  to  be  in  fear  for  their  own  privileges  and 
honors,  a  message  was  sent  to  them  promising  to  maintain  their 
privileges  of  peerage,  &c.  But  as  soon  as  the  king  was  behead- 
ed, the  lords  were  discarded  and  turned  out.  February  the  first, 
two  days  after  the  king's  death,  when  the  lords  sent  a  message 
to  the  commons  for  a  committee  to  consider  the  way  of  settling 
the  nation  ;  the  commons  made  an  order  to  consider  on  the  mor 
row  whether  the  messenger  should  be  called  in,  and  whether 
the  house  should  take  any  cognizance  thereof.  February  the 
fifth  the  lords  sent  again,  but  their  messengers  were  not  called 


224  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  u 

Ana  after  tuni'd  out  the  whole  house-full 

Of  peers,  as  dang'rous  and  unuseful.  180 

So  Cromwell,  with  deep  oaths  and  vows, 

Swore  all  the  commons  out  o'  th'  house  ;* 

Vow'd  that  the  red-coats  would  disband, 

Ay,  marry  wou'd  they,  at  their  command  ; 

And  troll'd  them  on,  and  swore  and  swore,  185 

Till  th'  army  turu'd  them  out  of  door. 

This  tells  us  plainly  what  they  thought, 

That  oaths  and  swearing  go  for  nought  ; 

And  that  by  them  th'  were  only  meant 

To  serve  for  an  expedient,  f  190 

What  was  the  public  faith  found  out  for,} 

But  to  slur  men  of  what  they  fought  for  ? 

The  public  faith,  which  ev'ry  one 

Is  bound  t'  observe,  yet  kept  by  none  ; 

And  if  that  go  for  nothing,  why  195 

Should  private  faith  have  such  a  tie  ? 


in  ;  and  it  was  debated,  liy  the  commons,  whether  the  house  of 
lords  should  be  continued  a  court  of  judicature ;  and  the  next 
day  it  was  resolved  by  them,  that  the  house  of  peers  in  parlia- 
ment was  useless,  and  ought  to  be  abolished.     Whitelock. 

*  After  the  king's  party  was  utterly  overthrown,  Cromwell, 
who  all  along,  as  it  is  supposed,  aimed  at  the  supreme  power, 
persuaded  the  parliament  to  send  part  of  their  army  into  Ireland, 
and  to  disband  the  rest :  which  the  Presbyterians  in  the  house 
were  forward  to  do.  This,  as  he  knew  it  would,  set  the  army  in 
a  mutiny,  which  he  and  the  rest  of  the. commanders  made  show 
to  take  indignation  at.  And  Cromwell,  to  make  the  parliament 
secure,  called  God  to  witness,  that  he  was  sure  the  army  would, 
at  their  first  command,  cast  their  arms  at  their  feet;  and  again 
solenmly  swore,  that  he  had  rather  himself  and  his  whole  fam- 
ily should  be  consumed,  than  that  the  army  should  break  out 
into  sedition.  Yet  in  the  mean  time  he  blew  up  the  flame  ;  and 
getting  leave  to  go  down  to  the  army  to  quiet  them,  immediately 
joined  with  them  in  all  their  designs.  By  which  arts  he  so 
strengthened  his  interest  in  the  army,  and  incensed  them  against 
the  parliament,  that  with  tlie  help  of  the  red-coats  he  turned 
them  all  out  of  doors.     Bates  Elench.  Mot.  and  others. 

t  Eipedicnt  was  a  term  often  used  by  the  sectaries.  When 
the  members  of  the  council  of  state  engaged  to  approve  of  what 
should  be  done  by  the  commons  in  parliament  for  the  future,  it 
was  ordered  to  draw  up  an  expedient  for  the  members  to  sub- 
scribe. 

i  It  was  usual  to  pledge  the  public  faith,  as  they  called  it,  by 
which  they  meant  the  credit  of  parliament,  or  their  own  prom- 
ises, for  moneys  borrowed,  and  many  times  never  repaid.  A  re- 
markable answer  was  given  to  the  citizens  of  London  on  some 
occasion  :  "In  truth  the  subjects  may  plead  theproperty  of  their 
"goods  against  the  king,  but  not  against  the  parliament,  to  whom 
"  it  appertains  to  dispose  of  al  I  the  goods  of  the  kingdom."  Their 
own  partisans,  Milton  and  Lilly,  complain  of  not  being  repaid 
the  money  they  had  laid  out  to  support  the  cause. 


Canto  ii.]  UUDIBRAS.  225 

Oaths  were  not  purpos'd  more  than  law. 

To  keep  the  good  and  just  iii  awe,* 

But  to  coufine  the  bad  and  sinful, 

Like  mortal  cattle  in  a  pinfold.  300 

A  saint's  of  th'  heav'nly  realm  a  peer  ; 

And  as  no  peer  is  bound  to  swear, 

But  on  the  gospel  of  his  honour. 

Of  which  he  may  dispose  as  owner, 

It  follows,  tho'  the  thing  be  forgery,  205 

And  false,  th'  affirm  it  is  no  perjury, 

But  a  mere  ceremony,  and  a  breach 

Of  nothing,  but  a  form  of  speech, 

And  goes  for  no  more  when  'tis  took. 

Than  mere  saluting  of  the  book.  210 

Suppose  the  Scriptures  are  of  force, 

They're  but  commissions  of  course,t 

And  saints  have  freedom  to  digress, 

And  vary  from  'em  as  they  please  ; 

Or  misinterpret  them  by  private  215 

Instructions,  to  all  aims  they  drive  at. 

Then  why  should  we  ourselves  abridge. 

And  curtail  our  own  privilege  ? 

Quakers,  that  like  to  lanthorns,  bear 

Their  light  within  them,  will  not  swear ;  220 

Their  gospel  is  an  accidence. 

By  which  they  construe  conscience, t 

And  hold  no  sin  so  deeply  red. 

As  that  of  breaking  Priscian's  head.§ 

The  head  and  founder  of  their  order,  22.'» 

That  stirring  hats  held  worse  than  murder  ;|| 


*  "Knowing  this,  that  the  law  is  not  made  for  a  righteous 
"man,  but  for  the  lawless  and  disobedient."     1  Timothy  i.  9. 

t  A  satire  on  the  liberty  the  parliament  ofBcers  took  of  vary- 
ing from  their  commissions,  on  pretence  of  private  instructions. 

I  That  is,  they,  the  Quakers,  interpret  scripture  altogether 
literal,  and  make  a  point  of  conscience  of  using  the  wrong  num- 
ber in  grammar :  or,  it  may  mean  that  grammar  is  their  scripture, 
by  which  they  interpret  right  or  wrong,  lawful  or  unlawful. 

5  Priscian  was  a  great  grammarian  about  the  year  528,  and 
when  any  one  spoke  false  grammar,  he  was  said  to  break  Pris- 
cian's head.  The  Quakers,  we  know,  are  great  sticklers  for 
plainness  and  simplicity  of  speech.  Thou,  is  the  singular,  ijoa 
the  plural;  consequently  it  is  breaking  Priscian's  head,  it  is 
false  grammar,  quoth  the  Quaker,  to  use  you  in  the  singular 
number:  George  Fox  was  another  Priscian,  witness  his  Battel- 
d'or. 

II  Some  think  that  the  order  of  Quakers,  and  not  Priscian,  is 
here  meant;  but  then  it  would  be  holds,  not  held:  I  therefore 
*m  inclined  to  think  that  the  poet  humorously  supposes  that 
Priscian,  who  received  so  many  blows  on  the  head,  was  muck 

10* 


226  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  n 

These  thinking  they're  oblig'd  to  troth 

In  swearing,  will  not  take  an  oath  ; 

Like  mules,  who  if  they've  not  the  will 

lo  keep  their  own  pace,  stand  stock  still ;  230 

But  they  are  weak,  and  little  know 

What  free-born  consciences  may  do. 

'Tis  the  temptation  of  the  devil 

That  makes  all  human  actions  evil : 

For  saints  may  do  the  same  things  by  S3S 

The  spirit,  in  sincerity. 

Which  other  men  are  tempted  to. 

And  at  the  devil's  instance  do  ; 

And  yet  the  actions  be  contrary, 

Just  as  the  saints  and  wicked  vary.  S40 

For  as  on  land  there  is  no  beast 

But  in  some  fish  at  sea's  exprest  ;* 

So  in  the  wicked  there's  no  vice. 

Of  which  the  saints  have  not  a  spice  ; 

And  yet  that  thing  that's  pious  m  243' 

The  one,  in  th'  other  is  a  sin.t 


averse  to  taking  ofThis  hat;  and  therefore  calls  him  the  founder 
of  Uuakerism.  This  may  seem  a  far-fetched  conceit ;  but  a 
similar  one  is  employed  by  Mr.  Butler  on  another  occasion. 
"You  may  perceive  the  Quaker  has  a  crack  in  his  skull,"  says 
he,  "  by  the  great  care  he  takes  to  keep  his  hat  on,  lest  his  sickly 
"  brains,  if  he  have  any,  should  take  cold."  Remains,  ii.  352 ; 
i.  391.  April  20,  1649,  nearly  at  the  beginning  of  Quakerism, 
Everard  and  Winstanley,  chief  of  the  Levellers,  came  to  the 
general,  and  made  a  large  declaration  to  justify  themselves. 
While  they  were  speaking,  they  stood  with  their  hats  on;  and 
being  demanded  the  reason,  said,  "  he  was  but  their  fellow- 
" creature."  "This  is  set  down,"  says  Whitelocke,  " because  it 
"  was  the  beginning  of  the  appearance  of  this  opinion."  So  ob- 
stinate were  the  Quakers  in  this  point,  that  Barclay  makes  the 
following  declaration  concerning  it:  "  However  small  or  foolish 
"  this  may  seem,  yet,  I  can  say  boldly  in  the  sight  of  God,  we  be- 
"hooved  to  choose  death  rather  than  doit,  and  that  for  conscience 
"sake."  There  is  a  story  told  of  William  Penn,  that  being  admit- 
ted to  an  audience  by  Charles  II.,  he  did  not  pull  otf  his  hat ;  when 
the  king,  as  a  gentle  rebuke  to  him  for  his  ill  manners,  took  off  his 
own.  On  which  Penn  said,  "  Friend  Charles,  why  dost  not  thou 
"keep  on  thy  hati"  and  the  king  answered,  "Friend  Penn,  it  is 
"  the  custom  of  this  place  that  no  more  than  one  person  be  cov- 
"ered  at  a  time." 
*  Thus  Dubartas : 

So  many  fishes  of  so  many  features, 
That  in  the  waters  we  may  see  all  creatures, 
Even  all  that  on  the  earth  are  to  be  found. 
As  if  the  world  were  in  deep  waters  drown'd. 

But  see  Sir  Thomas  Brown's  Treatise  on  Vulgar  Errors,  book 
Ui.  chap.  24. 
t  Many  held  the  antinomlan  principle,  that  believers,  or  pe^ 


Canto  ii.]  IIUDIBRAS.  22? 

Is't  not  ridiculous,  and  nonsense, 

A  saint  should  be  a  slave  to  conscience  ? 

That  ought  to  be  above  such  fancies. 

As  far  as  above  ordinances  ?*  250 

She's  of  the  wicked,  as  I  guess, 

B'  her  looks,  her  language,  and  her  dress 

And  tho',  like  constables,  we  search 

For  false  wares  one  another's  church  ; 

Yet  all  of  us  hold  this  for  true,  235 

No  faith  is  to  the  wicked  due. 

For  truth  is  precious  and  divine, 

Too  rich  a  pearl  for  carnal  swine. 

Quoth  Hudibras,  All  this  is  true, 
Yet  'tis  not  fit  that  all  men  knew  260 

Those  mysteries  and  revelations  ; 
And  therefore  topical  evasions 
Of  subtle  turns,  and  shifts  of  sense. 
Serve  best  with  th'  wicked  for  pretence. 
Such  as  the  learned  Jesuits  use,  203 

And  presbyterians,  for  excuset 


sons  regenerate,  cannot  sin  Though  they  commit  the  same 
acts,  which  are  styled  and  are  sins  in  others,  yet  in  them  they 
are  no  sins.  Because,  say  they,  it  is  not  the  nature  of  the  ac- 
tion that  derives  a  quality  upon  the  person  ;  hut  it  is  the  antece- 
dent quality  or  condition  of  the  i)erson  that  denominates  his  ac- 
tions, and  stamps  them  good  or  bad :  so  that  they  are  those  only 
who  are  previously  wicked,  that  do  wicked  actions ;  but  be- 
lievers, doing  the  very  same  things,  never  commit  the  same 
sins. 

*  Some  sectaries,  especially  the  Muggletonians,  thought  them- 
selves so  sure  of  salvation,  that  they  deemed  iFneedless  tocon- 
form  to  ordinances,  human  or  divine. 

t  On  the  subject  of  Jesuitical  evasions  we  may  recite  a  story 
from  Mr.  Foulis.  He  tells  us  that,  a  little  before  the  death  of 
(iueen  Elizabeth,  when  the  Jesuits  were  endeavoring  to  set 
aside  King  James,  a  little  book  was  written,  entitled,  a  Treatise 
on  Equivocation,  or,  as  it  was  afterwards  styled  by  Garnet,  pro- 
vincial of  the  Jesuits,  a  Treatise  against  Lying  and  Dissimula- 
tion, which  yet  allows  an  excuse  for  the  most  direct  falsehood, 
by  their  law  of  directing  the  intention.  For  example,  in  time  of 
the  plague  a  man  goes  to  Coventry  ;  at  the  gates  he  is  examined 
upon  oath  whether  he  came  from  London  :  the  traveller,  though 
he  directly  came  from  thence,  may  swear  positively  that  he  did 
not.  The  reason  is,  because  he  knows  himself  not  infected,  and 
does  not  endanger  Coventry  ;  which  he  supposes  to  answer  the 
final  intent  of  the  demand.  At  the  end  of  this  book  is  an  allow- 
ance and  commendation  of  it  by  Blackwcll,  thus  :  Tractatus  ista 
valde  doctus  et  vere  plus  et  catholicus  est.  Certe  sac.  scriptura- 
rum,  patrum,  doctorum,  scholasticorum,  canonistarum,  et  opti- 
marum  rationum  prajsidiis  plenissime  firmat  equitatem  equivo- 
cationis,  ideoque  dignissimus  qui  typis  propagetur  ad  consolatio- 
i\em  afflictorum  catholicorum,  et  omniiun  piorum  instructionem. 
Ua  censeo  Georgius  Blackwellus  archipresbiter  Angliae  et  proto- 


228  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  n 

Against  the  piotestants,  when  th'  happea 

To  find  their  churches  taken  napping  ; 

As  thus  :  a  breach  of  oatli  is  duple, 

And  either  way  admits  a  scruple,  270 

•  And  may  be,  ex  parte  of  the  maker, 
More  criminal  than  the  injur'd  taker ; 
For  he  that  strains  too  far  a  vow, 
Will  break  it,  like  an  o'er  bent  bow  : 

And  he  that  made,  and  forc'd  it,  broke  it,  375 

Not  he  that  for  convenience  took  it. 

•  A  broken  oath  is,  quatenas  oath. 
As  sound  t'  all  purposes  of  troth. 
As  broken  laws  are  ne'er  the  worse, 

Nay,  'till  they're  broken,  have  no  force.  280 

What's  justice  to  a  man,  or  laws. 

That  never  comes  vvitliin  their  claws  ? 

They  have  no  pow'r,  but  to  admonish  ; 

Cannot  control,  coerce,  or  punish. 

Until  they're  broken,  and  then  touch  285 

Those  only  that  do  make  them  such. 

Beside,  no  engagement  is  allovv'd. 

By  men  in  prison  made,  for  good  ; 

For  when  they're  set  at  liberty. 

They're  from  th'  engagement  too  set  free.  290 

The  rabbins  write,  when  any  jew 

Did  make  to  god  or  man  a  vow,* 


notariiis  apostolicus.  On  the  second  leaf  it  has  this  title:  A 
Treatise  against  Lying  and  Fraudulent  Dissimulation,  newly 
overseen  by  the  Author,  and  published  for  the  Defence  of  Inno- 
cency,  and  for  the  Instruction  of  Ignorats.  The  MS.  was  seized 
by  Sir  Edward  Coke,  in  Sir  Thomas  Tresham's  chamber,  in  the 
Inner  Temple,  and  is  now  in  the  Bodleian  library,  at  Oxford. 
MS.  Laud.  E.  45,  with  the  attestation  in  Sir  Edward  Coke's 
handwriting,  5  December  1G05,  and  the  following  motto:  Os 
quod  mentitur  occidit  animam.  An  instance  of  the  parliament- 
arians shifting  their  sense,  and  explaining  away  their  declara- 
tion, may  be  this :  When  the  Scots  delivered  up  the  king  to  the 
parliament,  they  were  promised  that  he  should  be  treated  witli 
safety,  liberty,  and  honor.  But  when  the  Scots  afterwards  found 
reason  to  demand  the  prrformance  of  that  promise,  they  were 
answered,  that  the  promise  was  formed,  published,  and  employed 
according  as  the  state  of  affairs  then  stood.  And  yet  these 
promises  to  preserve  the  person  and  authority  of  the  king  had 
been  made  with  the  most  solemn  protestations.  We  protest,  say 
they,  in  the  presence  of  Almighty  God,  which  is  the  strongest 
bond  of  a  Christian,  and  by  the  public  faith,  the  most  solemn 
that  any  state  can  give,  that  neither  adversity  nor  success  shall 
ever  cause  us  to  change  our  resolutions. 

*  There  is  a  traditional  doctrine  among  the  Jews,  that  if  any 
person  has  made  a  vow,  which  afterwards  he  wishes  to  recall, 
ue  may  go  to  a  rabbi,  or  three  other  men,  and  if  he  can  prove  to 


Canto  il]  HUDIBRAS.  229 

Which  afterwards  he  found  untoward, 

And  stubborn  to  be  kept,  or  too  hard  ; 

Any  three  other  jews  o'  th'  nation  295 

Might  free  him  from  the  obligation  : 

And  have  not  two  saints  power  to  use 

A  greater  privilege  than  three  jews  ?* 

The  court  of  conscience,  which  in  man 

Should  be  supreme  and  sovereign,  300 

Is't  fit  should  be  subordinate 

To  ev'ry  petty  court  i'  th'  state, 

And  have  less  power  than  the  lesser. 

To  deal  with  perjury  at  pleasure  ? 

Have  its  proceedings  disaliow'd,  or  365 

Allow'd,  at  fancy  of  pie-powder  ?t 

Tell  all  it  does,  or  does  not  know. 

For  swearing  ex  officio  ?| 

Be  forc'd  t'  impeach  a  broken  hedge. 

And  pigs  unring'd  at  vis.  franc,  pledge  ?§  310 


them  that  no  injury  will  be  sustained  by  any  one,  they  may  free 
him  from  its  obligation.     See  Remains,  vol.  i.  300. 

*  Mr.  Butler  told  Mr.  Veal,  that  by  the  two  saints  he  meant 
Dr.  Downing  and  Mr.  Marshall,  who,  when  some  of  the  rebels 
had  their  lives  spared  on  condition  that  they  would  not  in  future 
bear  arms  against  the  king,  were  sent  to  dispense  with  the  oath, 
and  persuade  them  to  enter  again  into  the  service.  Mr.  Veal- 
was  a  gentleman  commoner  of  Edmund  Hall  during  the  troubles, 
and  was  about  seventy  years  old  when  he  gave  this  account  to 
Mr.  Coopey.  See  Godwin's  MS.  notes  on  Grey's  Hudibras,  in 
the  Bodleian  library,  Oxford. 

t  The  court  of  pie  powder  takes  cognizance  of  such  disputes 
as  arise  in  fairs  and  markets ;  and  is  so  called  from  the  old 
French  word  pied-puldreaux,  which  signifies  a  pedler,  one  who 
gets  a  livelihood  without  a  fi.xed  or  certain  residence.  See  Bar- 
rington's  Observations  on  the  Statutes  ;  and  Blackstone's  Com- 
mentaries, vol.  ill.  p.  32.  In  the  borough  laws  of  Scotland,  an 
alien  merchant  is  called  pied-puldreaux. 

t  In  some  courts  an  oath  was  administered,  usually  called  the 
oath  ex  ofiicio,  whereby  the  parties  were  obliged  to  answer  to 
interrogalories,  and  therefore  were  thought  to  be  obliged  to  ac- 
cuse or  purge  themselves  of  any  criminal  matter.  In  the  year 
1604  a  conference  was  held  concerning  some  reforms  in  ecclesi- 
astical matters  when  James  I.  presided  ;  one  of  the  matters 
complained  of  was  the  ex  officio  oath.  The  Lord  Chancellor, 
lord  treasurer,  and  the  archbishop  (Whitgift)  defended  the  oath: 
the  king  gave  a  description  of  it,  laid  down  the  grounds  upon 
which  it  stood,  and  justified  the  wisdom  of  the  constitution.  For 
swearing  ex  officio,  that  is,  by  taking  the  ex  officio  oath.  A  fur- 
ther account  of  this  oath  may  be  seen  in  Neal's  History  of  the 
Puritans,  vol.  i.  p.  444. 

$  Lords  of  certain  manors  had  the  right  of  requiring  surety  of 
the  freeholders  for  their  good  behavior  towards  the  king  and  his 
subjects :  which  security,  taken  by  the  steward  at  the  lord's 
court,  was  to  be  exhibited  to  the  sheriff'  of  the  county.  These 
manors  were  said  to  have  view  of  frank  pledge 


230  HUDiBRAS.  [Part  n 

Discover  thieves,  and  bawds,  recusants, 

Priests,  witches,  eves-droppers,  and  nuisance : 

Tell  who  did  play  at  games  unlawful, 

And  who  fiU'd  pots  of  ale  but  half-full ; 

And  have  no  pow'r  at  all,  nor  shift,  315 

To  help  itself  at  a  dead  lift  ? 

Why  should  not  conscience  have  vacation 

As  well  as  other  courts  o'  th'  nation  ? 

Have  equal  power  to  adjourn. 

Appoint  appearance  and  return  ?  320 

And  make  as  nice  distinctions  serve 

To  split  a  case,  as  those  that  carve. 

Invoking  cuckolds'  names,  hit  joints?* 

Why  should  not  tricks  as  slight,  do  points  1 

Is  not  th'  high  court  of  justice  sworn  325 

To  judge  that  law  that  serves  their  turn  ?t 

Make  their  own  jealousies  high  treason. 

And  fix  them  whomsoe'er  they  please  on  ? 

Cannot  the  learned  counsel  there 

Make  laws  in  any  shape  appear  ?  330 

Mould  'em  as  witches  do  their  clay. 

When  they  make  pictures  to  destroy  U 

*  Our  ancestors,  when  they  found  it  difficult  to  carve  a  goose 
a  hare,  or  other  dish,  used  to  say  in  jest,  they  should  hit  the 
jvfint  it'  they  could  think  of  the  name  of  a  cuckold.  Mr.  Kyrle, 
the  man  of  Ross,  celebrated  by  Pope,  had  always  company  to 
dine  with  him  on  a  market  day,  and  a  poose,  if  it  could  be  pro- 
cured, was  one  of  the  dishes  ;  which  he  claimed  the  privilege 
of  carving  himself.  When  any  guest,  ignorant  of  the  etiquette 
of  the  table,  ntlcred  to  save  him  that  trouble,  he  would  exclaim, 
"  Hold  your  hand,  man,  if  I  am  good  for  any  thing,  it  is  for  hit- 
"  ting  cuckolds' joints." 

t  The  high  court  of  justice  was  a  court  first  instituted  for  the 
trial  of  king  Charles  I.,  but  afterwards  extended  its  judicature  to 
some  of  his  adherents,  to  the  year  1658.  As  it  had  no  law  or 
precedents  to  go  l)y,  its  determinations  were  those  which  best 
served  the  turn  of  its  members.  See  the  form  of  the  oath  ad- 
ministered to  them  upon  the  trial  of  Sir  Henry  Slingsby,  andDr. 
Hewet,  ]6.i8,  in  Mercurius  Politicus,  No.  414,  page  501. 

t  It  was  supposed  that  witches,  by  forming  the  image  of  any 
one  in  wax  or  clay,  and  sticking  it  with  pins,  or  putting  it  to 
other  torture,  could  annoy  also  the  prototype  or  person  repre- 
sented. According  to  Dr.  Dee  such  enchantments  were  used 
against  Queen  Elizabeth.  Elinor  Cobham  employed  them  against 
Henry  VI.,  and  Amy  Simpson  against  James  VI.  of  Scotland.  A 
criminal  process  was  issued  against  Robert  of  Artois,  who  con- 
trived the  figure  of  a  young  man  in  wax,  and  declared  it  was 
made  against  John  of  France,  the  king's  son  :  he  added,  that  he 
would  have  another  figure  of  a  woman,  not  baptized,  against  a 
she-devil,  the  queen.  Monsieur  de  Laverdies  observes,  that  the 
spirit  of  superstition  had  persuaded  people,  that  figures  of  wax 
baptized,  and  pierced  for  several  days  to  the  heart,  brought  abont 
the  death  of  the  person  against  whom  they  were  intended. 


Canto  ii.]  HUDIBKAS.  231 

And  vex  them  into  any  form 

That  fits  their  purpose  to  do  harm? 

Rack  them  until  they  do  confess,  335 

Impeach  of  treason  whom  they  please, 

And  most  perfidiously  condemn 

Those  that  engag'd  their  fives  for  them  ? 

And  yet  do  nothing  in  their  own  sense. 

But  what  they  ought  by  oath  and  conscience.        340 

Can  they  not  juggle,  and  with  sfight 

Conveyance  play  witli  wrong  and  right ; 

And  sell  their  blasts  of  wind  as  deai,* 

As  Lapland  witches  boftl'd  air?t 

Will  not  fear,  favour,  bribe,  and  grudge,  343 

The  same  case  sev'ral  ways  adjudge? 

As  seamen,  with  the  self-same  gale. 

Will  sev'ral  different  courses  sail ; 

As  when  the  sea  breaks  o'er  its  bounds,t 

And  overflows  the  level  grounds,  350 

Those  banks  and  dams,  that,  like  a  screen. 

Did  keep  it  out,  now  keep  it  in  ; 

So  when  tyrannical  usurpation 

Invades  tiie  freedom  of  a  nation. 

The  laws  o'  th'  land  that  were  intended  335 

To  keep  it  out,  are  made  defend  it. 

Does  not  in  chanc'ry  ev'ry  man  swear 

What  makes  best  for  him  in  his  answer? 

Is  not  the  winding  up  witnesses. 

And  nicking,  more  than  half  the  bus'ness?  360 

For  witnesses,  like  watches,  go 

Just  as  they're  set,  too  fast  or  slow  ; 

And  where  in  conscience  they're  strait  lac'd, 

'Tis  ten  to  one  that  side  is  cast. 

Account  of  MSS.  in  the  French  king's  library,  1789,  vol.  ii.  p. 
404. 

*  That  is,  their  breath,  their  pleadinsrs,  their  arguments, 
t  The  witches  in  Lapland  pretended  to  sell  bags  of  wind  to 
the  sailors,  which  would  carry  them  to  whatever  quarter  they 
pleased.    See  Olaus  Magnus.    Cleveland,  in  his  King's  Disguise 
p.  61: 

The  Laplanders  when  they  would  sell  a  wind 
Wafting  to  hell,  bag  up  thy  phrase  and  bind 
It  to  the  barque,  which  at  the  voyage  end 
Shifts  poop,  and  breeds  the  collick  in  the  fiend. 
X  This  simile  may  be  found  in  prose  in  Butler's  Remains,  vol. 
i.  p.  298.    "  For  as  when  the  sea  breaks  over  its  bounds,  and 
"overflows  the  land,  those  dams  and  banks  that  were  made  to 
"keep  it  out,  do  afterwards  serve  to  keep  it  in  :  so  wlien  tyranny 
"  and  usurpation  break  in  upon  the  common  right  and  freedom, 
"  the  laws  of  God  and  of  the  land  are  abused,  to  support  that 
"which  they  were  intended  to  oppose." 


232  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  n 

Do  not  your  juries  give  their  verdict  363 

As  if  they  felt  the  cause,  not  heard  it  ? 

And  as  they  please  make  matter  o'  fact 

Run  all  on  one  side  as  they're  packt? 

Nature  has  made  man's  breast  no  windores, 

To  publish  what  he  does  within  doors  ;*  370 

Nor  what  dark  secrets  there  inhabit, 

Unless  his  own  rash  folly  blab  it. 

If  oaths  can  do  a  man  no  good 

In  his  own  bus'ness,  why  they  shou'd, 

In  other  matters,  do  him  hurt,  375 

I  think  there's  little  reason  for't. 

He  that  imposes  an  oath  makes  it, 

Not  he  that  for  convenience  takes  it: 

Then  how  can  any  man  be  said 

To  break  an  oath  he  never  made  ?  380 

These  reasons  may  perhaps  look  oddly 

To  th'  wicked,  tho'  they  evince  the  godly ; 

But  if  they  will  not  serve  to  clear 

My  honour,  I  am  ne'er  the  near. 

Honour  is  like  that  glassy  bubble,  385 

That  finds  philosophers  such  trouble : 

Whose  least  part  crack'd,  the  whole  does  fly. 

And  wits  are  crack'd  to  find  out  why.t 


*  Mnmus  is  said  to  have  found  fault  with  the  frame  of  man, 
because  there  were  no  doors  nor  windows  in  his  breast,  through 
which  his  thoughts  migiit  be  discovered.  See  an  ingenious 
paper  on  this  subject  in  the  Guardian,  vol.  ii.  No.  106.  Mr.  But- 
ier  spells  windore  in  the  same  manner  where  it  does  not  rhyme. 
Perhaps  he  thought  that  the  etymology  of  the  word  was  wind- 
door. 

t  The  drop,  or  bubble,  mentioned  in  this  simile,  is  made  of 
ordinary  glass,  of  the  shape  and  about  twice  the  size  described 
in  the  margin.  It  is  nearly  solid.  The  thick  part,  at  D 
or  E,  will  bear  the  stroke  of  a  hammer;  but  if  you  ^^ 
break  off  the  top  in  the  slender  and  sloping  jjart  at 
B  or  C,  the  whole  will  burst  with  a  noise,  and  be 
blown  about  in  powder  to  a  considerable  distance. 
The  first  establishers  of  the  Royal  Society,  and  many 
philosophers  in  various  parts  of  Europe,  found  it  diffi-  /f| 
cult  to  explain  this  phenomenon.  Monsieur  Rohalt,  *■  jS||^ 
in  his  Physics,  calls  it  a  kind  of  a  miracle  in  nature, 
and  says,  (part  i.  c.  x.xii.  ^  47:)  "  Ed.  Clarke  lately 
"discovered,  and  brought  it  hither  from  Holland, 
"and  which  has  travelled  through  all  the  universi- 
"ties  in  Europe,  where  it  has  raised  the  curiosity, 
"  and  confounded  the  reason  of  the  greatest  part  of 
"  the  philosophers :"  he  accounts  for  it  in  the  follow- 
ing manner.  He  says,  that  the  drop,  when  taken  hot 
from  the  fire,  is  suddenly  emersed  in  some  appropriate  hquor, 
(cold  water  he  thinks  will  break  it,)*  by  which  means  the  pores 
•  Here  he  is  mistaken. 


Canto  u.]  HUDIBRAS.  233 

Quoth  Ralpho,  Honour's  but  a  word, 
To  swear  by  only  in  a  lorit*  390 

In  other  men  'tis  but  a  huff 
To  vapour  with,  instead  of  proof; 
That  like  a  wen,  looks  big  and  swells, 
Insenseless,  and  just  nothing  else. 

Let  it,  quoth  he,  be  what  it  will,  395 

It  has  the  world's  opinion  still. 
But  as  men  are  not  wise  that  run 
The  slightest  hazard,  they  may  shun. 
There  may  a  medium  be  found  out 
To  clear  to  all  the  world  the  doubt ;  400 

And  that  is,  if  a  man  may  do't, 
By  proxy  whipp'd,  or  substitute.t 

Though  nice  and  dark  the  point  appear 
Quoth  Ralph,  it  may  hold  up  and  clear. 
That  sinners  may  supply  the  place  405 

Of  suffering  saints,  is  a  plain  case. 
Justice  gives  sentence,  many  times, 
On  one  man  for  another's  crimes. 
Our  brethren  of  New  England  use 
Choice  malefactors  to  excuse,t  >  410 

on  the  outside  are  closed,  and  the  substance  of  the  glass  con- 
densed;  while  the  inside  not  cooling  so  fast,  the  pores  are  left 
wider  and  wider  from  the  surface  to  the  middle  :  so  that  the  air 
being  let  in,  and  finding  no  passage,  bursts  it  to  pieces.  To  prove 
the  truth  of  his  explication,  he  observes,  that  if  you  break  off  the 
very  point  of  it  at  A,  the  drop  will  not  burst :  because  that  part 
being  very  slender,  it  was  cooled  all  at  once,  the  pores  were 
equally  closed,  and  there  is  no  passage  for  the  air  into  the  wider 
pores  below.  If  you  heat  the  drop  ^gain  in  the  fire,  and  let 
it  cool  gradually,  the  outer  pores  will  be  opened,  and  made  as 
large  as  the  inner,  and  then,  in  whatever  part  you  break  it,  there 
will  be  no  bursting.  He  gave  three  of  the  drops  to  three  several 
jewellers,  to  be  drilled  or  filed  at  C  D  and  E,  but  when  they  had 
worked  them  a  little  way,  that  is,  beyond  the  pores  which  were 
closed,  they  all  burst  to  powder. 

*  Lords,  when  they  give  judgment,  are  not  sworn :  they  say 
only  upon  my  honor. 

t  Mr.  Murray,  of  the  bed-chamber,  was  whipping  boy  to  king 
Charles  I.     Burnet's  History  of  his  own  Times,  vol.  i.  p.  244. 

t  This  story  is  asserted  to  be  tnie,  in  the  notes  subjoined  by 
Mr.  Butler  to  the  early  editions.  A  similar  one  is  related  by  Dr. 
Grey,  from  Morton's  English  Canaan,  printed  1037.  A  lusty 
young  fellow  was  condemned  to  be  hanged  for  stealing  corn  ;  but 
it  was  proposed  in  council  to  execute  a  bed-rid  old  man  in  the 
offender's  clothes,  which  would  satisfy  appearances,  and  pre- 
serve a  useful  member  to  society.  Dr.  Grey  mentions  likewise 
a  letter  from  the  committee  of  Stafford  to  speaker  l.enthall,  dated 
Aug.  5,1045,  desiring  a  respite  for  Henry  Steward,  a  soldier  undef 
/he  governor  of  Hartlebury  castle,  ami  offering  two  Irishmen  to 
be  executed  in  his  stead.  Ralpho  calls  them  his  brethren  of 
New  England,  because  the  inhabitants  there  were  generally  In- 


234  nUDIBRAS.  [Part  n 

And  hang  the  guiltless  in  their  stead ; 

Of  whom  the  churches  Bave  le&s  need. 

As  lately  't  happen'd :  in  a  town 

There  liv'd  a  cobler,  and  but  one, 

That  out  of  doctrine  could  cut  use,  412 

And  mend  men's  lives  as  well  as  shoes. 

This  precious  brother  having  slain, 

In  times  of  peace,  an  Indian, 

Not  out  of  malice,  but  mere  zeal, 

Because  he  was  an  infidel,  420 

The  mighty  Tottipottimoy* 

Sent  to  our  elders  an  envoy. 

Complaining  sorely  of  the  breach 

Of  league,  held  forth  by  brother  Patch, 

Against  the  articles  in  force  425 

Between  both  churches,  his  and  ours ; 

For  which  he  crav'd  the  saints  to  render 

Into  his  hands,  or  hang  th'  offender ; 

But  they  maturely  having  weigh'd 

They  had  no  more  but  him  o'  th'  trade,  430 

A  man  that  serv'd  them  in  a  double 

Capacity,  to  teach  and  cobble, 

Resolv'd  to  spare  him  ;  yet  to  do 

The  Indian  Hoghan  Meghan  too 

Impartial  justice,  in  his  stead  did  435 

Hang  an  old  weaver  that  was  bed-rid : 

Then  wherefore  may  not  you  be  skipp'd, 

And  in  your  room  another  whipp'd? 

For  all  philosophers,  but  the  sceptic,t 

Hold  whipping  may  be  sympathetic.  44l» 

It  is  enough,  quoth  Hudibras, 
Thou  hast  resolv'd,  and  clear'd  the  case  ; 
And  canst,  in  conscience,  not  refuse. 
From  thy  own  doctrine,  to  raise  use  :t 
I  know  thou  wilt  not,  for  my  sake,  445 

Be  tender-conscienc'd  of  thy  back : 

dependents.  In  the  ecclesiastical  constitution  of  that  province, 
modelled  according  to  Robinson's  platform,  there  was  a  co-ordi- 
nation of  churches,  not  a  subordination  of  one  to  another.  John 
de  Laet  says,  prirnos  colonos,  iiti  et  illos  qui  postea  accesserunt, 
•potissimuni  aut  oninino  fuisse  ex  coriim  hominum  secta,  quos  in 
Anglia  Brownistas  et  puritanos  vocant. 

*  I  don't  know  whether  this  was  a  real  name,  or  an  imitation 
only  of  North  American  phraseology:  the  appellation  of  an  in- 
Uividual,  or  a  title  of  office. 

t  The  skeptics  held  that  there  was  no  certainty  of  sense ;  arid 
consequently,  that  men  did  not  always  know  when  they  felt  any 
thing. 

}  A  favorite  e.xpression  of  the  sectaries  of  those  days. 


Canto  ii.J  HUDIBRAS.  235 

Then  strip  thee  of  thy  carnal  jerkin, 

And  give  thy  outward  fellow  a  ferking ; 

For  when  thy  vessel  is  new  hoop'd, 

All  leaks  of  sinning  will  be  stopp'd.  450 

Quoth  Ralpho,  You  mistake  the  matter, 
For  in  all  scruples  of  this  nature, 
No  man  includes  himself,  nor  turns 
The  point  upon  his  own  concerns. 
As  no  man  of  his  own  self  catches  455 

The  itch,  or  amorous  French  aches ; 
So  no  man  does  himself  convince. 
By  his  own  doctrine,  of  his  sins : 
And  though  all  cry  down  self,  none  means 
His  own  self  in  a  literal  sense :  460 

Besides,  it  is  not  only  foppish, 
But  vile,  idolatrous,  and  popish, 
For  one  man  out  of  his  own  skin 
To  frisk  and  whip  another's  sin  ;* 
As  pedants  out  of  school  boy's  breeches  465 

Do  claw  and  curry  their  own  itches. 
But  in  this  case  it  is  profane, 
And  sinful  too,  because  in  vain  ; 
For  we  must  take  cm-  oaths  upon  it 
.  You  did  the  deed,  when  I  have  done  it.  470 

Quoth  Hudibras,  That's  answer'd  soon  ; 
Give  us  the  whip,  we'll  lay  it  on. 

Quoth  Ralpho,  That  you  may  swear  true, 
'Twere  properer  that  I  whipp'd  you  ; 
For  when  with  your  consent  'tis  done,  475 

The  act  is  really  your  own. 

Quoth  Hudibras,  It  is  in  vain, 
I  see,  to  argue  'gainst  the  grain ; 
Or,  like  the  stars,  incline  men  to 

What  they're  averse  themselves  to  do :  480  ' 

For  when  disputes  are  weary'd  out, 
Tis  interest  still  resolves  the  doubt : 
But  since  no  reason  can  confute  ye, 
I'll  try  to  force  you  to  your  duty ; 
For  so  it  is,  howe'er  you  mince  it ;  485 

As,  e'er  we  part,  I  shall  evince  it. 
And  curry, t  if  you  stand  out,  whether 
You  will  or  no,  your  stubborn  leather. 
Canst  thou  refuse  to  bear  thy  part 


*  A  banter  on  the  popish  doctrine  of  satisfactions, 
t  Coria  perficere  :  or  it  may  be  derived  from  the  Welsh  knro^ 
to  beat  or  pound.    This  scene  is  talten  from  Don  Quixote. 


236  HUDIBUAS.  [Part  n. 

I' th' public  work,  base  as  thou  art?  '      490 

To  higgle  thus,  for  a  few  blows. 

To  gain  thy  Knight  an  op'lent  spouse. 

Whose  wealth  his  bowels  yearn  to  purehase, 

Merely  for  th'  int'rest  of  the  churches  ? 

And  when  he  has  it  in  his  claws,  495 

Will  not  be  hide-bound  to  the  cause : 

Nor  shalt  thou  find  him  a  curmudgin,* 

If  thou  dispatch  it  without  grudging : 

If  not,  resolve,  before  we  go, 

That  you  and  I  must  pull  a  crow.  500 ' 

Ye'ad  best,  quoth  Ralpho,  as  the  ancients 
Say  wisely,  have  a  care  o'  th'  main  chance. 
And  look  before  you,  ere  you  leap ; 
For  as  you  sow,  y'are  like  to  reap : 
And  were  y'  as  good  as  George-a-green,t  503 

I  should  make  bold  to  turn  agen  : 
Nor  am  I  doubtful  of  the  issue 
In  a  just  quarrel,  as  mine  is  so. 
Is't  fitting  for  a  man  of  honour 

To  whip  the  saints,  like  Bishop  Bonner  ?t  51  o' 

A  knight  t'  usurp  the  beadle's  ofiice, 
For  which  y'  are  like  to  raise  brave  trophies  ? 
But  I  advise  you,  not  for  fear. 
But  for  your  own  sake,  to  forbear ; 
And  for  the  churches,§  which  may  chance  515 

From  hence,  to  spring  a  variance, 
And  raise  among  themselves  new  scruples, 
Whom  common  danger  hardly  couples, 
Remember  how  in  arms  and  politics. 
We  still  have  worsted  all  your  holy  tricks ;[]  520 

Trepann'd  yom-  party  with  intrigue. 


*  Perhaps  from  the  French  coeur  m6chant. 

t  A  valiant  hero,  perhiips  an  outlaw,  in  the  time  of  Richard 
the  First,  who  conquered  Robin  Hood  and  Little  John.  Me  is 
the  same  with  the  Finder  of  Wakefield.  See  Echard's  History 
of  England,  vol.  i.  226.  The  Old  Ballads ;  Ben  Jonson's  play 
of  the  Sad  Shepherd;  and  Sir  John  Suckling's  Pc«ins. 

t  Bishop  of  London  in  the  reign  of  qaeen  Mary:  a  man  of 
profligate  manners  and  of  brutal  character.  He  sometimes 
whipped  the  Protestants,  who  were  in  custody,  with  his  own 
hands,  till  he  was  tired  with  the  violence  of  the  exercise. 
Hume's  History  of  Mary,  p.  378;  Fox,  Acts  and  Monuments  ed. 
1576,  p.  1937. 

§  It  was  very  common  for  the  sectaries  of  those  days,  however 
attentive  they  might  be  to  their  own  interest,  to  pretend  that 
they  had  nothing  in  view  but  the  welfare  of  the  churches. 

II  The  Independents  and  Anabaptists  got  the  army  on  theii 
eide,  and  overpowered  the  Presbyterians. 


f: 


4. 


J^^-''^ 


Canto  n.]  HUDIBRAS.  237 

And  took  your  grandees  down  a  peg ; 

New-modell'd  the  army,  and  cashier'd 

All  that  to  Legion  Smec  adher'd  ; 

Made  a  mere  utensil  o'  your  church,  52S 

And  after  left  it  in  the  lurch  ; 

A  scaffold  to  build  up  our  own, 

And  when  w'  had  done  with  't,  puU'd  it  down  ; 

O'er-reach'd  your  rabbins  of  the  synod, 

And  snapp'd  their  canons  with  a  why-not  :*  530 

Grave  synod-men,  that  where  rever'd 

For  solid  face,  and  depth  of  beard. 

Their  classic  model  prov'd  a  maggot, 

Their  direct'ry  an  Indian  pagod  ;t 

And  drown'd  their  discipline  like  a  kitten,  535 

On  which  they'd  been  so  long  a  sitting  ; 

Decry'd  it  as  a  holy  cheat. 

Grown  out  of  date,  and  obsolete. 

And  all  the  saints  of  the  first  grass,t 

As  casting  foals  of  Balaam's  ass.  540 

At  this  the  Knight  grew  high  in  chafe, § 
And  staring  furiously  on  Ralph, 
He  trembl'd,  and  look'd  pale  with  ire, 
Like  ashes  first,  then  red  as  fire. 
Have  I,  quoth  he,  been  ta'en  in  fight,  545 

And  for  so  many  moons  lain  by't. 
And  when  all  other  means  did  fail. 
Have  been  exchang'd  for  tubs  of  ale  ?|| 


*  Some  editions  read,  "  capoch'd  your  rabbins,"  that  is,  blind- 
folded ;  but  thiis  word  does  not  agree  so  well  with  the  squire's 
simplicity  of  expression.  Why-not  is  a  fanciful  :erm  used  in 
Butler's  Remains,  vol.  i.  p.  178 :  it  signifies  the  obliging  a  maa 
to  yield  his  assent;  the  driving  him  to  a  non  plus,  when  he 
knows  not  what  to  answer.  It  may  resemble  quidni  in  Latin, 
and  ri  /n^c  in  Greek. 

t  The  directory  was  a  book  drawn  up  by  the  assembly  of  di- 
vines, and  published  by  authority  of  parliament,  containing 
instructions  to  their  ministers  for  the  regulation  of  public  wor- 
ship. One  of  the  scribes  to  the  assenrbly,  who  executed  a  great 
part  of  the  work,  was  Adoniram  Byheld,  said  to  have  been  a 
broken  apothecary.  He  was  the  father  of  Byfield,  the  salvola- 
tile  doctor. 

t  The  Presbyterians,  the  first  sectaries  that  sprang  up  and  op- 
posed the  established  church. 

$  Talibus  esarsit  dictis  violentia  Tnrni. 

.a:neid.  xi.  376. 

II  Mr.  Butler,  in  his  own  note  on  these  lines,  says,  "  The  knight 
"was  kept  prisoner  in  Exeter,  and  after  several  changes  pro- 
"  posed,  but  none  accepted  of,  was  at  last  released  for  a  barrel 
"  of  ale,  as  he  used  upon  all  occasions  to  declare."    It  is  proba- 


338  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  h 

Not  but  they  thought  me  worth  a  ransom, 

Much  more  consid'rable  and  handsome  ;  550 

But  for  their  own  sakes,  and  for  fear 

They  were  not  safe,  when  I  was  there  ; 

Now  to  be  baffled  by  a  scoundrel, 

An  upstart  sect'ry,  and  a  mungrel,* 

Such  as  breed  out  of  peccant  humours  555 

Of  our  own  church,  hke  wens  or  tumours, 

And  li-ke  a  maggot  in  a  sore, 

Wou'd  that  which  g;ive  it  life  devour  ; 

It  never  shall  be  done  or  said  : 

With  that  he  seized  upon  his  blade  ;  560 

And  Ralpho  too,  as  quick  and  bold, 

Upon  his  basket-hilt  laid  hold, 

With  equal  readiness  prepar'd, 

To  draw  and  stand  upon  his  guard  ; 

When  both  were  parted  on  the  sudden,  565 

With  hideous  clamour,  and  a  loud  one, 

As  if  all  sorts  of  noise  had  been 

Contracted  into  one  loud  din  ; 

Or  that  some  member  to  be  chosen. 

Had  got  the  odds  above  a  thousand  ;  570 

And,  by  the  greatness  of  his  noise, 

Prov'd  fittest  for  his  country's  choice. 

This  strange  surprisal  put  the  Knight 

And  wrathful  Squire,  into  a  fright ; 

And  tho'  they  stood  prepar'd,  with  fatal  575 

Impetuous  rancour  to  join  battle. 

Both  thought  it  was  the  wisest  course 

To  wave  the  fight,  and  mount  to  horse  ; 

And  to  secure,  by  swift  retreating. 

Themselves  from  danger  of  worse  beating  ;  58C 

Yet  neither  of  them  would  disparage. 

By  utt'ring  of  his  mind,  his  courage, 

Which  made  them  stoutly  keep  their  ground. 

With  horror  and  disdain  wind-bound. 

And  now  the  cause  of  all  their  feart  585 


ble  from  hence  that  the  character  of  Hudibras  was  in  some  of 
its  features  drawn  from  Sir  Samuel  Luke. 

*  Knights  errant  sometimes  condescended  to  address  their 
squires  in  this  polite  language.  Thus  Don  Quixote  to  Sancho : 
"Ilownow,  opprobrious  rascal!  stinking  garlic-eater!  sirrah,  I 
"  will  take  you  and  tit  your  dogship  to  a  tree,  as  naked  as  your 
"mother  bore  you." 

t  The  poet  does  not  suffer  his  heroes  to  proceed  to  open  vio- 
lence ;  but  ingeniously  puts  an  end  to  the  dispute,  by  introducing 
them  to  a  new  adventure.  The  drollery  of  the  following  scene 
Is  inimitable. 


Canto  ii.]  IIUDIBRAS.  239 

By  slow  degrees  approacli'd  so  near, 

They  might  distinguish  different  noise 

Of  horns,  and  pans,  and  dogs,  and  boys. 

And  kettle-drums,  whose  sullen  dub 

Sounds  like  the  hooping  of  a  tub :  590 

But  when  the  sight  appear'd  ia  view. 

They  found  it  was  an  antique  shew ; 

A  triumph,  that  for  pomp  and  state, 

Did  proudest  Romans  emulate  :*  .. 

For  as  the  aldermen  of  Rome  S9S 

Their  foes  at  training  overcome, 

And  not  enlarging  territory. 

As  some,  mistaken,  write  in  story ,t 

Being  mounted  in  their  best  array, 

Upon  a  car,  and  who  but  they  ?  600 

And  follow'd  with  a  world  of  tall  lads. 

That  merry  ditties  troU'd,  and  ballads,}: 

Did  ride  with  many  a  good-morrow. 

Crying,  hey  for  our  town,  thro'  the  borough  ; 

So  when  this  triumph  drew  so  nigh,  605 

They  might  particulars  descry, 

They  never  saw  two  things  so  pat, 

In  all  respects,  as  this  and  that. 

First  he  that  led  the  cavalcate. 

Wore  a  sow-gelder's  flagellet,  610 

On  which  he  blew  as  strong  a  levet,§ 


*  The  skimmington,  or  procession,  to  exhibit  a  woman  who 
had  beaten  her  husband,  is  humorotisly  compared  to  a  Roman 
triumph ;  the  learned  reader  will  be  pleased  by  comparing  this 
description  with  the  pompous  account  of  jEmilius's  triumph,  as 
described  by  Plutarch,  aud  the  satirical  one,  as  given  by  Juvenal 
in  his  tenth  satire. 

t  The  buildings  at  Rome  were  sometimes  extended  without 
the  ceremony  of  describing  a  pomoerium,  which  Tacitus  and 
Gellius  declare  no  person  to  have  had  a  right  of  extending,  but 
such  a  one  as  had  taken  away  some  part  of  the  enemy's  coun- 
try in  war;  perhaps  line  .596  may  allude  to  the  London  trained 
bands.  Our  poet's  learning  and  ideas  here  crowd  upon  him  ss 
fast,  that  he  seems  to  confound  together  the  ceremonies  of  en 
larging  the  pomoerium,  of  a  triumph  at  Rome,  and  other  cere- 
monies, with  a  lord  mayor's  show,  exercising  the  train  bands, 
and  perhaps  a  borough  election. 

+  The  vulgar,  and  the  soldiers  themselves,  had  at  triumphal 
processions  the  liberty  of  abusing  their  general.  Their  invec- 
tives were  commonly  conveyed  in  metre. 

Ecce  CcBsar  nunc  triumphat,  qui  subegit  Gallias. 
Nicomedes  non  triumphat,  qui  subegit  Cssarem. 

Suetonius  in  .lulio,  49. 

^  Level  is  a  lesson  on  the  trumpet,  sounded  morning  and 
evening,  Mr.  Bacon  says,  on  shipboard.     It  is  derived  from  the 


S40  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  a 

As  well-feed  lawyer  on  his  brev'ate, 

When  over  one  another's  heads 

They  charge,  three  ranks  at  once,  like  Sweads  :* 

Next  pans  and  kettles  of  all  keys,  61i 

From  trebles  down  to  double  base  ; 

And  after  them  upon  a  nag, 

That  might  pass  for  a  fore-hand  stag, 

A  cornet  rode,  and  on  his  staff, 

A  smock  display'd  did  proudly  wave.  620 

Then  bagpipes  of  the  loudest  drones, 

With  snuffling  broken-winded  tones  ; 

Whose  blasts  of  air  in  pockets  shut, 

Sound  filthier  than  from  the  gut. 

And  make  a  viler  noise  than  swine  62IB 

In  windy  weather,  when  they  whine. 

Next  one  upon  a  pair  of  panniers. 

Full  fraught  with  that  which,  for  good  manners, 

Shall  here  be  nameless,  mix'd  with  grains, 

Which  he  dispens'd  among  the  swains,  630 

And  busily  upon  the  crowd 

At  random  round  about  bestow'd. 

Then  mounted  on  a  horned  horse, 

One  bore  a  gauntlet  and  gilt  spurs, 

Ty'd  to  the  pommel  of  a  long  sword  635 

He  held  reversed  the  point  turu'd  downward. 

Ne.\t  after,  on  a  raw-bon'd  steed. 

The  conqueror's  standard-bearer  rid. 

And  bore  aloft  before  the  champion 

A  petticoat  display'd,  and  rampant  ;t  64f! 

Near  whom  the  Amazon  triumphant, 

Bestrid  her  beast,  and  on  the  rump  on't 

Set  face  to  tail,  and  bum  to  bum. 

The  warrior  whilom  overcome  ; 

Arm'd  with  a  spindle  and  a  distaff,  645 

Which,  as  he  rode,  she  made  him  twist  off; 


French  reveiller,  a  term  used  for  the  morning  trumpet  among 
the  dragoons. 

*  This  and  the  proceeding  lines  were  added  by  the  author  in 
1671.  He  has  departed  from  the  common  method  of  spelling  the 
word  Swedes  for  the  sake  of  rhyme:  in  the  edition  of  1689,  af- 
ter his  death,  it  was  printed  Sweeds.  The  Swedes  appear  to 
have  been  the  first  that  practised  firing  by  two  or  three  ranks  at 
a  time  :  see  Sir  Robert  Monro's  Memoirs,  and  BarifT's  Young 
Artillery-man.  Mr.  Cleveland,  speaking  of  the  authors  of  the 
Diurnal,  says,  "  They  write  in  the  posture  that  the  Swedes  give 
"fire  in,  over  one  another's  heads." 

t  Alluding  to  the  terms  in  which  heralds  blazon  coats  of 
urns. 


Canto  n.]  HUDIBRAS.  241 

And  when  he  loiter'd,  o'er  her  shoulder 

Chastised  the  reformado  soldier. 

Before  the  dame,  and  round  about, 

March'd  whifflers,  and  staffiers  on  foot.*  650 

With  lackies,  grooms,  valets,  and  pages, 

In  fit  and  proper  equipages  ; 

Of  whom  some  torches  bore,  some  links, 

Before  the  proud  virago-minx. 

That  was  both  madam  and  a  don,t  653 

Like  Nero's  Sporus,t  or  pope  Joan ; 

And  at  fit  periods  the  whole  rout 

Set  up  their  throats  with  elam'rous  shout. 

The  knight  transported  and  the  squire, 

Put  up  their  weapons  and  their  Ire  ;  660 

And  Hudibras,  who  us'd  to  ponder. 

On  such  sights  with  judicious  wonder. 

Could  hold  no  longer,  to  impart 

His  animadversions,  for  his  heart. 


*  "  A  mighty  whifler.''  See  Shakspeare's  Henry  V.  Act  v 
and  Hanmer's  note.  Vifleur,  in  Lord  Herbert's  Henry  VHI 
Staffier,  from  estafette,  a  courier  or  express.  [Mr.  Douce  in  his 
Illustrations  of  Shakspeare,  vol.  i.  p.  506,  says :  "  Some  errors 
"  have  crept  into  the  remarks  on  this  word  which  require  correc- 
"  tion.  It  is  by  no  means,  as  Ilanmer  had  conceived,  a  corrup- 
"  tion  from  the  French  huissier.  He  was  apparently  misled  by- 
"  the  resemblance  which  the  office  of  a  whirfler  bore  in  modern 
"  times  to  that  of  an  usher.  The  term  is  undoubtedly  borrowed 
"  from  whiffle,  another  name  for  a  fife  or  small  flute  ;  for  whifflers 
"were  originally  those  who  preceded  armies  or  processions  as 
"  tifers  or  pipers.  Representations  of  them  occur  among  the 
"  prints  of  the  magnificent  triumph  of  Maximilian  [.  In  a  note 
"  on  Othello,  Act  iii.  sc.  iii.,  Mr.  VVarton  had  supposed  that 
"  whiffler  came  from  what  he  calls  '  the  old  French  viffleur  ;'  but 
"it  is  presumed  that  that  language  does  not  supply  any  such 
"word,  and  that  the  use  of  it  in  the  quotation  from  Rymer's 
"■fmdera  is  nothing  more  than  a  vitiated  orthography.  In  pro- 
"  cess  of  lime  the  term  whiffler,  which  had  always  been  used  in 
"  the  sense  of  a  fifer,  came  to  signify  any  person  who  went  be- 
"  fore  in  a  procession.  Minsheu,  in  his  Dictionary,  1617,  defines 
"  him  to  be  a  club  or  stafl'-bearer." 

■  Mr.  Douce  has  not  afforded  us  an  instance  of  whiffler  used  as 
a.  fifer.  Warton  carries  up  the  use  of  the  word  as  an  huissier  to 
1554,  and  certainly  Shakspeare  could  have  had  no  idea  of  its 
piping  meaning  when  he  wrote : 

"  Behold,  the  English  beach 

"  Pales  in  the  flood  with  men,  with  wives,  and  boys, 
"Whose  shouts  and  claps  out-voice  the  deep-moutk'd  sea, 
"  Which,  like  a  mighty  whiffler  'fore  the  king, 

"Seems  to  prepare  his  way: " 

The  whifflers  who  now  attend  the  London  companies  in  proces- 
sions are  freemen  carrying  staves.] 
t  A  mistress  and  a  master. 
i  See  Suetonius,  in  the  life  of  Nero. 
11 


242  HUDIBRAS.  iPakt  ii. 

Quoth  he,  ia  all  ray  life  till  now,  66S 

I  ne'er  saw  so  profane  a  show ; 
It  is  a  paganish  invention, 
Which  heathen  writers  often  mention : 
And  he,  who  made  it,  had  read  Goodwin, 
I  warrant  him,  and  understood  him:  670 

V  With  all  the  Grecian  Speeds  and  Stows,* 
That  best  describe  those  ancient  shows ; 
And  has  observ'd  all  fit  decorums 
We  find  describ'd  by  old  historians  :t 
For,  as  the  Roman  conqueror,  67* 

That  put  an  end  to  foreign  war, 
Ent'ring  the  town  in  trimnph  for  it, 
Bore  a  slave  with  him  in  his  chariot  ;1 
So  this  insulting  female  brave 

Carries  behind  her  here  a  slave :  680 

And  as  the  ancients  long  ago, 
When  they  in  field  defy'd  the  foe. 
Hung  out  their  mantles  della  guerre, § 
So  her  proud  standard-bearer  here, 
Waves  on  his  spear,  in  dreadful  mamier,  685 

A  Tyrian  petticoat  for  banner. 
Next  links  and  torches,  heretofore 
Still  borne  before  the  emperor: 


*  Speed  and  Stowe  wrote  chronicles  or  annals  of  England,  and 
are  well  known  English  antiquaries.  By  Grecian  Speeds  and 
Stows,  he  means,  any  ancient  authors  who  have  explained  the 
antiquities  and  customs  of  Greece :  the  titles  of  such  books  were 
often,  Ta  -Karpia,  of  such  a  district  or  city.  Thus  Dicaearchus 
wrote  a  book  entitled,  irtpi  rou  rfj;  'EWdSoi  fiiov,  wherein  he 
gave  the  description  of  Greece,  and  of  the  laws  and  cus- 
toms of  the  Grecians:  our  poet  likewise  might  allude  to  Pau- 
sanias. 

t  The  reader  will,  perhaps,  think  this  an  awkward  rhyme ;  but 
the  very  ingenious  and  accurate  critic.  Dr.  Loveday,  to  whom,  as 
well  as  to  his  learned  father,  I  cannot  too  offjn  repeat  my  ac- 
knowledgments, observes  in  a  letter  with  which  he  honored  me, 
that  ill  English,  to  a  vulgar  ear,  unacquainted  with  critical  dis- 
quisitions on  sounds,  m  and  n  sound  alike.  So  the  old  saylngB, 
among  the  common  people  taken  for  rhyme : 

A  stich  In  time 
Saves  nine. 
Tread  on  a  worm, 
And  it  will  turn. 

Frequent  instances  of  the  propriety  of  this  remark  occur  in  Hu 
dibras  ;  for  example  :  men  and  them,  exempt  and  innocent. 

%  curru  servus  portatur  eodem.    Juv.  Sat.  x.  42 

$  Tunica  coccinea  solebat  pridie  quam  dimicandum  esset  sk 

£ra  prsBtorium  poni,  quasi  admonitio  et  indicium  futurse  pugni» 
ipsias  in  Tacit. 


Canto  u.]  HUDIBRAS.  243 

And,  as  in  antique  triumphs,  eggs 

Were  borne  for  mystical  intrigues  ;*  690 

There's  one,  with  truncheon,  like  a  ladle, 

That  carries  eggs  too,  fresh  or  adle : 

And  still  at  random,  as  he  goes, 

Among  the  rabble-rout  bestows. 

Quoth  Ralpho,  You  mistake  the  matter  ;  695 

For  all  th'  antiquity  you  smatter 
Is  but  a  riding  us'd  of  course. 
When  the  grey  mare's  the  better  horse  ; 
When  o'er  the  breeches  greedy  women 
Fight,  to  extend  their  vast  dominion,  700 

And  in  the  cause  impatient  Grizel 
Has  drubb'd  her  husband  with  bull's  pizzle. 
And  brought  him  under  covert-baron. 
To  turn  her  vassal  with  a  murrain  ; 
When  wives  tlieir  sexes  shift,  like  hares,t  705 

And  ride  their  husbands  like  night-mares  ; 
And  they,  in  mortal  battle  vanquish'd, 
Are  of  their  charter  disenfranchis'd. 
And  by  the  right  of  war,  like  gills,t 
Condemn'd  to  distaff,  horns,  and  wheels :  7 10 

For  when  men  by  their  wives  are  cow'd. 
Their  horns  of  course  are  understood. 

Quoth  Hudibras,  Thou  still  giv'st  sentence 
Impertinently,  and  against  sense : 

*  In  the  orgies  of  Bacchus,  and  the  games  of  Ceres,  eggs  were 
carried  and  had  a  mystical  import.  See  Banier,  vol.  i.  b.  ii.  c.  5, 
and  Eosinus,  lib.  v.  c.  14.  Pompa  producebatur  cum  deorum 
Bignis  et  ovo.  In  some  editions  it  is  printed  anticic,  and  means 
mimic. 

t  Many  have  been  the  vulgar  errors  concerning  the  sexes  and 
copulation  of  hares:  but  they  being  of  a  very  timid  and  modest 
nature,  seldom  couple  but  in  the  night.  It  is  said  that  the  doe  hares 
have  tumors  in  the  groin,  like  the  castor,  and  that  the  buck 
hares  have  cavities  like  the  hyena.  Besides,  they  are  said  to  be 
relromingent.which  occasioned  the  vulgar  to  make  a  confusion 
in  the  sexes.  When  huntsmen  are  better  anatomists  and  philo- 
sophers, we  shall  know  more  of  this  matter.  See  Brown's  Vul- 
gar Errors,  b.  iii.  c.  27.  But  our  poet  here  chiefly  means  to  ridi- 
cule Dr.  Bulwer's  Artificial  Changeling,  p.  407,  who  mentions  the 
female  patriarch  of  Greece,  and  pope  Joan  of  Rome,  and  likewise 
the  boy  Sportis,  who  was  married  to  the  emperor  Nero :  upon 
which  it  was  justly  said  by  some,  that  it  had  been  happy  for  the 
empire,  if  Domitius,  his  father,  had  had  none  other  but  such  a 
wife.  See  what  Herodotus  says  concerning  the  men  of  Scythia, 
in  his  Thalia. 

+  Gill,  scortillum,  a  common  woman:  in  the  Scots  and  Irish 
dialect  a  girl ;  there  never  was  a  Jack  but  there  was  a  Gill.  See 
Kelly's  Scotch  Proverbs,  page  316.  See  also  Chaucer's  Miller's 
Tale,  and  Gowor,  Confess.  Amant.  and  G.  Douglas's  Prologue, 
page  45-3. 


244  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  il 

'Tie  not  the  least  disparagement  715 

To  be  defeated  by  th'  event, 

Nor  to  be  beaten  by  main  force ; 

That  does  not  make  a  man  the  worse, 

Altho'  his  shoulders,  with  battoon, 

Be  claw'd,  and  cudgell'd  to  some  tune ;  720 

A  tailor's  prentice  has  no  hard 

Measure,  that's  bang'd  with  a  true  yard  J 

But  to  turn  tail,  or  run  away, 

And  without  blows  give  up  the  day  ; 

Or  to  surrender  ere  the  assault,  725 

That's  no  man's  fortune,  but  his  fault ; 

And  renders  men  of  honour  less 

Than  all  th'  adversity  of  success  ; 

And  only  unto  such  this  shew 

Of  horns  and  petticoats  is  due.  730 

There  is  a  lesser  profanation. 

Like  that  the  Romans  call'd  ovation  :*  ^ 

For  as  ovation  was  allow'd 

For  conquest  purchas'd  without  blood  ; 

Ho  men  decree  those  lesser  shows  735 

For  vict'ry  gotten  without  blows. 

By  dint  of  sharp  hard  words,  which  some 

Give  battle  with,  and  overcome  ; 

These  mounted  in  a  chair-curule, 

Which  moderns  call  a  cucking  stool, t  740 

March  proudly  to  the  river  side, 

And  o'er  the  waves  in  triumph  ride  ; 

Like  dukes  of  Venice,  who  are  said 

The  Adriatic  sea  to  wed  ;t 

And  have  a  gentler  wife  than  those  745 

For  whom  the  state  decrees  those  shows.§ 

*  At  the  greater  triumph  the  Romans  sacrificed  an  ox  ;  at  the 
lesser  a  sheep.  Hence  the  name  ovation.  Plutarch,  in  the  life 
of  Marcellus,  "  Ovandi,  ac  non  triumphandi  causa  est,  quum  aut 
"bella  non  rite  indicia  neque  cum  justo  hoste  gesta  sunt;  aut 
"  hostium  nomen  humile  et  non  idoneum  est,  ut  servorum,  pirata- 
"  rumque  ;  aut  deditione  repente  facta,  impulverea,  ut  dici  solet, 
"incruentaque  victoria  obvenit."     Aulas  Gellius,  v.  6. 

t  The  custom  of  ducking  a  scolding  woman  in  the  water,  was 
common  in  many  places.  I  remember  to  have  seen  a  stool  of  this 
kind  near  the  bridge  at  Evesham  in  Worcestershire,  not  above 
eight  miles  from  Strensham,  the  place  of  our  poet's  birth.  The 
etymology  of  the  term  I  know  not:  some  suppose  it  should  be 
written  choking-stool,  others  ducking-stool,  and  others  derive  it 
from  the  French,  coquine. 

t  This  ceremony  is  performed  on  Ascension-day.  The  doge 
throws  a  ring  into  the  sea,  and  repeats  the  words,  "  Desponsa- 
"  nius  te,  mare,  in  signum  veri  et  perpetui  dominii." 

$  Than  the  Roman  worthies,  who  were  honored  with  ova 


Canto  ii.]  HUDIBRAS.  245 

But  both  are  heathenish,  and  come 

From  th'  whores  of  Babylon  and  Rome, 

And  by  the  saints  should  be  withstood 

As  antiehristian  and  lewd  ;  750 

And  we,  as  such  should  now  contribute 

Our  utmost  strugglings  to  prohibit. 

This  said,  they  both  advanc'd,  and  rode 
A  dog-trot  through  the  bawling  crowd 
T'  attack  the  leader,  and  still  prest  755 

'Till  they  approach'd  him  breast  to  breast : 
Then  Hudibras,  with  face  and  hand. 
Made  signs  for  silence  ;*  which  obtain'd. 
What  means,  quoth  he,  this  devil's  procession 
With  men  of  orthodox  profession?  760 

'Tis  ethnique  and  idolatrous. 
From  heathenism  deriv'd  to  us. 
Does  not  the  whore  of  Bab'lon  ride 
Upon  her  horned  beast  astride,t 
Like  this  proud  dame,  who  either  is  765 

A  type  of  her,  or  she  of  this  ? 
Are  things  of  superstitious  function. 
Fit  to  be  us'd  in  gospel  sun-shine  ? 
It  is  an  antiehristian  opera 

Much  us'd  in  midnight  times  of  popery  ;  770 

A  running  after  self-inventions 
Of  wicked  and  profane  intentions  ; 
To  scandalize  that  sex  for  scolding, 
To  whom  the  saints  are  so  beholden. 
Women,  who  were  our  first  apostles,^  775 

lions.    Mr.  Butler  intimates  that  the  sea  is  less  terrible  than  a 

scolding  wife. 

*  Ergo  ubi  commota  fervet  plebecula  bile, 

Fert  animus  calids  fecisse  silentia  turbee 
Wajestate  manus.  Persius,  Sat.  iv.  6. 

t  See  Revelation,  xvii.  3. 

t  The  author  of  the  Ladies'  Calling  observes,  in  his  preface, 
'  It  is  a  memorable  attestation  Christ  gives  to  the  piety  of  women, 

by  making  them  the  tirst  witnesses  of  his  resurrection,  the 
"  prime  evangelists  to  proclaim  these  glad  tidings ;  and,  as  a 
"  learned  man  speaks,  apostles  to  the  apostles."  Some  of  the 
Scotch  historians  maintain,  that  Ireland  received  Christianity 
from  a  Scotch  woman,  who  (irst  instructed  a  queen  there.  But 
our  poet,  I  suppose,  alludes  to  the  zeal  which  the  ladies  showed 
for  the  g^ood  cause.  The  case  of  Lady  Monson  was  mentioned 
above.  The  women  and  children  worked  with  their  own  hands, 
in  fortifying  the  city  of  London,  and  other  towns.  The  women 
of  the  city  went  by  companies  to  fill  up  the  quarries  in  the  great 
park,  that  they  might  not  harbor  an  enemy ;  and  being  called  to- 
gether with  a  drum,  marched  into  the  park  with  mattocks  and 
»pades.    Annals  of  Coventry,  MS.  1643. 


246  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  ii 

Without  wliose  aid  w'  had  all  been  lost  else  ; 

Women,  that  left  no  stone  unturn'd 

In  which  the  cause  might  be  concern'd  ; 

Brought  in  their  children's  spoons  and  whistles,* 

To  purchase  swords,  carbines,  and  pistols  :  780 

Their  husbands,  cullies,  and  sweethearts, 

To  take  the  saints'  and  churches'  parts  ; 

Drew  several  gifted  brethren  in, 

That  for  the  bishops  would  have  been, 

And  fix'd  them  constant  to  the  party,  185 

With  motives  powerful  and  hearty  : 

Their  husbands  robb'd  and  made  hard  shifts 

T'  administer  unto  their  giftst 

All  they  could  rap,  and  rend  and  pilfer, 

To  scraps  and  ends  of  gold  and  silver  :  730 

Rubb'd  down  the  teachers,  tir'd  and  spent 

With  holding  forth  for  parliament  jt 

Pamper'd  and  edify'd  their  zeal 

With  marrow  puddings  many  a  meal : 

Enabled  them,  witli  store  of  meat,  795 

On  controverted  points  to  eat  ;§ 

And  cramm'd  them  till  their  guts  did  ache 

With  caudle,  custard,  and  plum-cake. 

What  have  they  done,  or  what  left  undone, 

That  might  advance  the  cause  at  London  ?  800 

March'd  rank  and  file,  witli  drum  and  ensign, 

T'  entrench  the  city  for  defence  in  : 

*  In  the  reign  of  Richard  II.,  A.  D.  1382,  Henry  le  Spencer, 
bishop  of  Norwich,  set  up  the  cross,  and  made  a  collection  to 
support  the  cause  of  the  enemies  of  pope  Clement.  Collegerat 
dictus  episcopus  innumerabilem  et  incredibilem  summani  pecu- 
ni<e  auri  et  argenti,  atque  jocaliurn,  monilium,  annulorum,  dis- 
corum,  peciarmn,  cocliariun),  et  aliorum  ornanientorum,  et  prse- 
cipue  de  dominabus  et  aliis  mulieribus.  Decern  Scriptores,  p 
1671.    See  also  South,  v.  33. 

t  Thus,  A.  Cowley,  in  his  Puritan  and  Papist : 

She  that  can  rob  her  husband,  to  repair 
A  budget  priest  that  noses  a  long  prayer. 

t  Dr.  Echard  in  his  Works,  says  of  the  preachers  of  those 
times — "  coiners  of  new  phrases,  drawers  out  of  long  godly 
"  words,  thick  pourers  out  of  texts  of  Scripture,  mimical  squeak- 
"  ers  and  bel lowers,  vain-glorious  admirers  only  of  themselves, 
"and  those  of  their  own  fashioned  face  and  gesture:  such  as 
"  these  shall  be  followed,  shall  have  their  bushels  of  China 
"  oranges,  shall  be  solaced  with  all  manner  of  cordial  essences, 
"and  shall  be  rubb'd  down  with  Holland  of  ten  shillings  an  ell." 

$  That  is,  to  eat  plentifully  of  such  dainties,  of  which  they 
would  sometimes  controvert  the  lawfulness  to  eat  at  all.  See  P. 
I.  c.  i.  v.  225,  and  the  following  lines.  Mr.  Bacon  would  read  tlie 
last  word  treat. 


Canto  ii.]  HUDIBRAS.  247 

Rais'd  rampires  with  their  own  soft  hands,* 

To  put  the  enemy  to  stands  ; 

From  ladies  down  to  oyster-wenches  805 

Labour'd  like  pioneers  in  trenches, 

Fell  to  their  pick-axes,  and  tools. 

And  help'd  the  men  to  dig  like  moles? 

Have  not  the  handmaids  of  the  city 

Chose  of  their  members  a  committee,  810" 

For  raising  of  a  common  purse, 

Out  of  their  wages,  to  raise  horse? 

And  do  they  not  as  triers  sit, 

To  judge  what  officers  are  fit  ? 

Have  they At  that  an  egg  let  fly,  815 

Hit  him  directly  o'er  the  eye. 

And  running  down  his  cheek,  besmoar'd. 

With  orange-tawny  slime,  his  beard  ; 

But  beard  and  slime  being  of  one  hue, 

The  wound  the  less  appear'd  in  view.  820 

Then  he  that  on  tfie  panniers  rode. 

Let  fly  on  th'  other  side  a  load, 

And  quickly  charg'd  again,  gave  fully, 

In  Ralpho's  face,  another  volley. 

The  knight  was  startled  with  the  smell,  825 

And  for  his  sword  began  to  feel  ; 

And  Ralpho,  smother'd  with  the  stink, 

Grasp'd  his,  when  one  that  bore  a  link, 

O'  th'  sudden  clapp'd  his  flaming  cudgel, 

Like  linstock,  to  the  horse's  touch-hole  ;t  830 

And  straight  another  with  his  flambeau, 

Gave  Ralpho,  o'er  the  eyes,  a  damn'd  blov/. 

The  beasts  began  to  kick  and  fling, 

And  forc'd  the  rout  to  make  a  ring  ; 

Thro'  which  they  quickly  broke  their  way,  835 

And  brought  them  off  from  further  fray  ; 

And  tho'  disorder'd  in  retreat. 

Each  of  them  stoutly  kept  his  seat : 

For  quitting  both  their  swords  and  reins, 


*  When  London  was  expected  to  be  attacked,  and  in  several 
Bieges  during  the  civil  war,  the  women,  and  even  the  ladies  oj 
rank  and  fortune,  not  only  encouraged  the  men,  but  worked  with 
their  own  hands.  Lady  Middlesex,  Lady  Foster,  Lady  Anne 
Waller,  and  Mrs.  Dunch,  have  been  particularly  celebrated  for 
their  activity.  The  knight's  learned  harangue  is  here  archly  in- 
terrupted by  the  manual  witof  onewho  hits  him  in  the  eye  with 
a  rotten  egg. 

t  Linstock  is  a  German  word,  signifying  the  rod  of  wood  or 
Iron,  with  a  match  at  the  end  of  it,  used  by  gunners  in  firing 
cannon.    See  P.  i.  o.  ii.  v.  843. 


248  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  ii 

They  grasp'd  with  all  their  strength  the  manes  ;    840 

And,  to  avoid  the  foe's  pursuit, 

With  spurring  put  their  cattle  to't. 

And  till  all  four  were  out  of  wind, 

And  danger  too,  ne'er  look'd  behind. 

After  they'ad  paus'd  a  while,  supplying  845 

Their  spirits,  spent  with  fight  and  flying, 

And  Hudioras  recruited  force 

Of  lungs,  for  actions  or  discourse. 

Quoth  he.  That  man  is  sure  to  lose 
That  fouls  his  hands  with  dirty  foes :  850 

For  where  no  honour's  to  be  gain'd, 
'Tis  thrown  away  in  being  maintain'd : 
'Twas  ill  for  us,  we  had  to  do 
With  so  dishon'rable  a  foe  : 

For  tho'  the  law  of  arms  doth  bar  855 

The  use  of  venom'd  shot  in  war,* 
Yet  by  the  nauseous  smell,  and  noisome, 
Their  case-shot  savours  strong  of  poison  ; 
And,  doubtless,  have  been  chew'd  with  teeth 
Of  some  that  had  a  stinking  breath  ;  860 

Else  when  we  put  it  to  the  push, 
They  had  not  giv'n  us  such  a  brush  : 
But  as  those  poltroons  that  fling  dirt, 
Do  but  defile,  but  cannot  hurt ; 

So  all  the  honour  they  have  won,  86S 

Or  we  have  lost,  is  much  at  one. 
'Twas  well  we  made  so  resolute 
A  brave  retreat,  without  pursuit ; 
For  if  we  had  not,  we  had  sped 

Much  worse,  to  be  in  triumph  led  ;  870 

Than  which  the  ancients  held  no  state 
Of  man's  life  more  unfortunate. 
But  if  this  bold  adventure  e'er 
Do  chance  to  reach  the  widow's  ear, 
It  may,  being  destin'd  to  assert  875 

Her  sex's  honour,  reach  her  heart : 
And  as  such  homely  treats,  they  say, 
Portend  good  fortune,t  so  this  may. 
Vespasian  being  daub'd  witli  dirt, 
Was  destin'd  to  the  empire  for't  ;t  880 

*  "  Abusive  language,  and  fustian,  are  as  unfair  in  controversy 
"  as  poisoned  arrows  or  chewed  liullets  in  battle." 

t  The  original  of  the  coarse  proverja  here  alluded  to,  was  the 
glorious  battle  of  Azincourt,  when  the  English  were  so  afflicted 
with  the  dysentery  that  most  of  them  chose  to  fight  naked  from 
the  girdle  downward. 

i  Suetonius,  in  the  life  qf  Vespasian,  sect,  v.,  says,  "  Cum 


Canto  ir.]  HUDIBRAS.  249 

And  from  a  scavenger  did  come 

To  be  a  mighty  prince  in  Rome  : 

And  why  may  not  this  foul  address 

Presage  in  love  the  same  success  ? 

Then  let  us  straight,  to  cleanse  our  wounds,  085 

Advance  in  quest  of  nearest  ponds  ; 

And  after,  as  we  first  design'd, 

Sweai  I've  perform'd  what  she  enjoin'd. 

"aedilem  eum  C.  Csesar  (i.  e.  Caligula)  succensens,  luto  jussisset 
"  oppleri,  congesto  per  milites  in  prsptextcE  sinum  ;  non  defuerunt 
"  qui  interpretarentur,  quandoque  proculcatarn  desertanique  rem- 
"  publicain  civili  aliqua  perturbatione  in  tutelam  ejus,  ac  velut 
"  in  greniium  deventurani."  But  Dio  Cassius,  with  all  his  su 
perstition,  acknowledges  that  the  secret  meaning  of  the  cir- 
cumstances was  not  discovered  till  after  the  event.  Mr.  Butler 
might  here  allude  to  a  story  which  has  been  told  of  Oliver 
Cromwell,  afterwards  lord  protector.  When  young,  he  was  in- 
vited by  Sir  Oliver  Cromwell,  his  uncle  and  god-father,  to  a  feast 
at  Christmas  ;  and,  indulging  his  love  for  fun,  he  went  to  the  ball 
with  his  hands  and  clothes  besmeared  with  excrement,  to  the 
great  disgust  of  the  company :  for  which  the  master  of  misrule, 
or  master  of  the  ceremonies  as  he  is  now  called,  ordered  him 
to  be  ducked  in  the  horse-pond.  Memoirs  of  the  Cromwell 
Faoulv  i'/  Mark  Noble,  vol.  i.  p.  98,  and  Bate's  Elench.  motuum. 

n* 


PART  11.     CANTO  III. 

THE  ARGUMENT. 

The  Knight,  with  various  doubts  possert, 
To  win  the  Lady  goes  in  quest 
Of  Sidrophel  the  Rosy-crucian, 
To  know  the  dest'nies'  resohition  : 
Witii  whom  being  met,  they  both  chop  logi» 
About  the  science  astrologic. 
'Till  falling  from  dispute  to  fight, 
,  The  conjurer's  worsted  by  the  Knight. 


HUDIBRAS. 


CANTO  III.* 

Doubtless  the  pleasure  is  as  great 
Of  being  cheated,  as  to  cheat  ;t 
As  lookers-on  feel  most  delight, 
That  least  perceive  a  juggler's  flight, 
And  still  the  less  they  understand,  5 

The  more  th'  admire  his  slight  of  hand. 
Some  with  a  noise,  and  greasy  light, 
Are  snapt,  as  men  catch  larks  by  night,t 
Ensnar'd  and  hamper'd  by  the  soul, 
As  nooses  by  the  legs  catch  fowl.§  10 

Some,  with  a  med'cine,  and  receipt, 
Are  drawn  to  nibble  at  the  bait  ;|| 


*  As  the  subject  of  this  canto  is  the  dispute  between  Hadibras 
and  an  astrologer,  it  is  prefaced  by  some  reflections  on  the  cre- 
dulity of  men.  This  exposes  them  to  the  artifices  of  cheats  and 
impostors,  not  only  when  disguised  under  the  characters  of  law- 
yers, physicians,  and  divines,  but  even  in  the  questionable  garb 
of  wizards  and  fortune-tellers. 

t  Swift,  in  the  Tale  of  a  Tub,  (digression  on  madness,)  places 
happiness  in  the  condition  of  being  well  deceived,  and  pursues 
the  thought  through  several  pages.  Aristippus  being  desired  to 
resolve  a  riddle,  replied,  that  it  would  be  absurd  to  resolve  that 
which  unresolved  aflbrded  so  much  pleasure. 

cui  sic  extorta  voluptas, 

Et  demptus  per  vim  mentis  gralissimus  error. 

Ilor.  lib.  ii.  epist.  ii.  340. 

t  This  alludes  to  the  morning  and  evening  lectures,  which,  in 
those  times  of  pretended  reformation  and  godliness,  were  deliv- 
ered by  candle-light,  in  many  churches,  for  a  great  i)art  of  the 
year.  To  maintain,  and  frequent  these,  was  deemed  the  great- 
est evidence  of  religion  and  sanctity.  The  gifted  preachers  were 
very  loud.  The  simile  is  taken  from  the  method  of  catching 
larlts  at  night  in  some  countries,  by  means  of  a  low-bell  and  a 
light. 

6  Woodcocks,  and  some  other  birds,  are  caught  in  springes. 

(l  Are  cheated  of  their  money  by  quacks  and  mountebanks, 
who  beast  of  nostrums  and  infallible  receipts.  Even  persons 
who  ought  to  have  more  discernment  are  sometimes  taken  in  by 
these  cozeners.    In  later  times,  the  admirers  of  animal  magnet 


252  HUDlijRAS.  [Part  u. 

And  tho'  it  be  a  two-foot  trout, 
'Tis  with  a  single  hair  puU'd  out.* 

Others  believe  no  voice  t"  an  organ  15 

So  sweet  as  lawyer's  in  his  bar-gown,1 
Until,  with  subtle  cobweb-cheats, 
They're  catch'd  in  knotted  law,  like  nets  ; 
In  which,  when  once  they  are  iinbrangled. 
The  more  they  stir,  tlje  more  they're  tangled  ;        20 
And  while  their  purses  can  dispute, 
There's  no  end  of  th'  immortal  suit 

Others  still  gape  t'  anticipate 
The  cabinet  designs  of  fate.t 

Apply  to  wizards,  to  foresee  S5 

What  shall,  and  what  shall  never  be  ;§ 
And  as  tiiose  vultures  do  forebode, || 
Believe  events  prove  bad  or  good. 
A  flam  more  senseless  than  the  roguery 
Of  old  aruspicy  and  aug'ry,ir  30 

That  out  of  garbages  of  cattle 


ism  would  probably  have  ranked  with  this  order  of  wiseacres, 
and  been  proper  objects  of  Mr.  Butler's  satire. 

*  That  is,  thougli  it  be  a  sensible  man,  and  one  as  nnlihely  to 
be  catched  by  a  medicine  and  a  receipt,  as  a  trout  two  feet  long 
to  be  pulled  out  by  a  single  hair. 

t  In  the  hope  of  promised  success  many  are  led  into  broils  and 
snits,  from  which  they  are  not  able  to  extricate  themselves  till 
they  are  quite  ruined.  See  Aniniianus  Marcellinns,  lib.  xxx 
cap.  4,  where  the  evil  practices  of  the  lawyers  under  Valens and 
Valentinian,  are  strongly  and  inimitably  painted  :  happy  would 
it  be  for  the  world,  if  the  picture  had  not  its  likeness  in  modern 
times,  but  was  confined  tu  the  decline  of  the  Roman  empire. 

t  A  natural  desire  ;  but  if  too  much  indulged,  a  notable  instance 
of  human  weakness. 

$        O  Liiertiade,  quictjuid  dicam  ant  erit,  aut  non. 
Divinare  eteuira  uiagnus  mihi  donat  Apollo. 

Horat.  Sat.  lib.  ii.  Sat.  v.  v.  59. 

II  Vultures,  birds  of  prey,  are  here  put  figuratively  for  astrolo- 
gers: or  the  word  may  be  used  equivocally,  as  soothsayers  took 
their  omens  from  eagles,  vultures,  ravens,  and  such  birds. 

ir  Aruspicy  was  a  kind  of  divination  by  sacrifice;  by  the  be- 
havior of  the  beast  before  it  was  slain  ;  by  entrails  after  it  was 
opened  ;  or  by  the  flames  while  it  was  burning.  Augury  was  a 
divination  from  appearances  in  the  heavens,  from  thunder,  light- 
ning, &c  ,  but  more  commonly  from  birds,  their  flight,  chattering, 
manner  of  feeding,  &.c.    Thus  Ovid : 

HiPC  mihi  non  ovium  fibrae,  tonitrusve  sinistri, 
Linguave  servatiE,  pennave,  dixit  avis. 

Ovid.  Trist.  lib.  i.  eleg.  viii.  49. 

Mirari  se  ajehat  M.  Cato,  quod  non  rideret  haruspex,  hams 
picem  cum  vidisset.  TuUius  de  Divinat.  ii.  24;  et  de  Natura 
beonun  i.  26. 


Canto  m  ]  HUDIBRAS.  253 

Presag'd  th'  events  of  truce  or  battle  ; 

From  flight  of  birds,  or  chickens  pecking, 

Success  of  great'st  attempts  would  reckon : 

Tho'  cheats,  yet  more  intelligible  35 

Than  those  that  with  the  stars  do  fribble. 

This  Hudibras  by  proof  found  true. 

As  in  due  time  and  place  we'll  shew  : 

For  he,  with  beard  and  face  made  clean, 

Being  mounted  on  his  steed  again,  40 

And  Ralpho  got  a  cock-horse  too, 

Upon  his  beast,  with  much  ado, 

Advanc'd  on  for  the  widow's  house, 

T'  acquit  himself,  and  pay  his  vows  ; 

When  various  thoughts  began  to  bustle,  45 

And  with  his  inward  man  to  justle. 

He  thought  what  danger  might  accrue. 

If  she  should  find  he  swore  untrue  : 

Or  if  his  squire  or  he  should  fail, 

And  not  be  punctual  in  their  tale,  50 

It  might  at  once  the  ruin  prove 

Both  of  his  honour,  faith,  and  love 

But  if  he  should  forbear  to  go, 

She  might  conclude  he'ad  broke  his  vow  ; 

And  that  he  durst  not  now,  for  shame,  55 

Appear  in  court  to  try  his  claim. 

This  was  the  penn'worth  of  his  thought. 

To  pass  time,  and  uneasy  trot. 

Quoth  he,  In  all  my  past  adventures 
I  ne'er  was  set  so  on  the  tenters,  60 

Or  taken  tardy  with  dilemma. 
That,  ev'ry  way  I  turn,  does  hem  me, 
And  with  inextricable  doubt. 
Besets  my  puzzled  wits  about : 

For  though  the  dame  has  been  my  bail,  65 

To  free  me  from  enchanted  jail. 
Yet,  as  a  dog  committed  close 
For  some  offence,  by  chance  breaks  loose. 
And  quits  his  clog ;  but  all  in  vain, 
He  still  draws  after  him  his  chain  :*  70 


*  Persius  applies  this  simile  to  the  case  of  a  person  who  Is 
well  inclined,  but  cannot  resolve  to  be  uniformly  virtuous. 

Nee  tu,  cum  obstiteris  semel,  instantique  negaris 
Parere  imperio,  rupi  jam  vincula,  dicas: 
Ham  et  luctata  canis  nodum  arripit ;  attamen  illi. 
Cum  fugit,  a  coUo  tiahitur  pars  longa  catenae. 

Sat.  V.  V.  157. 


254  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  n 

So  tho'  my  ancle  s  le  as  quitted, 

My  heart  continues  still  committed ; 

And  like  a  bail'd  and  mainpriz'd  lover,* 

Altho'  at  large,  I  am  bound  over  : 

And  when  I  shall  appear  in  court  7S 

To  plead  my  cause,  and  answer  for't, 

Unless  the  judge  do  partial  prove, 

What  will  become  of  me  and  love  ? 

For  if  in  our  accounts  we  vary, 

Or  but  in  circumstance  miscarry  ;  80 

Or  if  she  put  me  to  strict  proof, 

And  make  me  pull  my  doublet  off, 

To  shew,  by  evident  record. 

Writ  on  my  skin,  I've  kept  my  word. 

How^  can  I  e'er  expect  to  have  her,  8S 

Having  demurr'd  unto  her  favour  ? 

But  faith,  and  love,  and  honour  lost, 

Shall  be  reduc'd  t'  a  knight  o'  th'  post  :t 

Beside,  that  stripping  may  prevent 

What  I'm  to  prove  by  argument,  90 

And  justify  I  have  a  tail. 

And  that  way,  too,  my  proof  may  fail. 

Oh  !  that  I  could  enucleate,! 

And  solve  the  problems  of  my  fate  ; 

Or  find,  by  necromantic  art.§  95 

Kow  far  the  dest'uies  take  my  part ; 


Yet  triumph  not ;  say  not,  my  bands  are  broke. 

And  I  no  more  go  subject  to  the  yoke  ; 

Alas  !  the  struggling  dog  breaks  loose  in  vain, 

Whose  neck  still  drags  along  a  trailing  length  of  chain. 

Brewster. 

Petrarch  has  applied  this  simile  to  love,  as  well  as  our  au 
thor. 

*  Mainprized  signifies  one  delivered  by  the  judge  into  the  cus 
tody  of  such  as  shall  undertake  to  see  him  forthcoming  at  the 
day  appointed. 

t  This  is,  one  who  in  court,  or  before  a  magistrate,  will  swear 
as  he  hath  been  previously  directed.  I  nave  somewhere  read 
that  such  persons  formerly  plied  about  the  portico  in  the  Temple, 
and  from  thence  were  called  knights  of  the  post ;  and  knights, 
perhaps,  from  the  knights  templars  being  buried  in  the  adjoining 
church.  [A  hireling  evidence  :  a  knight  dubbed  at  the  whipping- 
post, or  pillory.    Johnson's  Dictionary  by  Todd.] 

%  Explain,  or  open  ;  an  expression  taken  from  the  cracking  of 
a  nut. 

$  Necromancy,  or  the  black  art,  as  it  is  vulgarly  called,  is  the 
faculty  of  revealing  future  events,  from  consultation  with  de- 
mons, or  with  departed  spirits.  It  is  called  the  black  art,  be- 
cause the  ignorant  writers  of  the  middle  age,  mistaking  the 
etymology,  write  it  nigromantia:  or  because  the  devil  was  paint- 
ed black. 


Canto  ui.]  HUDIBRAS.  255 

For  if  I  were  not  more  than  certain 

To  win  and  wear  her,  and  her  fortune, 

I'd  go  no  farther  in  this  courtship, 

To  hazard  soul,  estate  and  worship :  100 

For  tho'  an  oath  obliges  not, 

Where  any  thing  is  to  be  got,* 

As  thou  hast  prov'd,  yet  'tis  profane, 

And  sinful,  when  men  swear  in  vain. 

Quoth  Ralph,  Not  far  from  hence  doth  dwell      105 
A  cunning  man,  hight  Sidrophel,1' 
That  deals  in  destiny's  dark  counsels. 
And  sage  opinions  of  the  moon  sells,t 
To  whom  all  people  far  and  near, 
On  deep  importances  repair  :  110 

When  brass  and  pewter  hap  to  stray, 
And  linen  slinks  out  of  the  way  ; 
When  geese  and  pullen  are  seduc'd,§ 
And  sows  of  sucking  pigs  are  chows'd ; 
When  cattle  feel  indisposition,  115 

And  need  the  opinion  of  physician  ; 
When  murrain  reigns  in  hogs  or  sheep, 
And  chickens  languish  of  the  pip  ; 
When  yeast  and  outward  means  do  fail, 
And  have  no  pow'r  to  work  on  ale  ;  120 

When  butter  does  refuse  to  come,|l 
And  love  proves  cross  and  humoursome  ; 

*  The  notions  of  the  dissenters  with  regard  to  this,  and  other 
points  of  a  lilte  nature,  are  stated  more  at  large  in  some  prece- 
ding cantos. 

t  Some  have  thought  that  the  character  of  Sidrophel  was  in- 
tended for  Sir  Paul  Neal ;  but  the  author,  probably,  here  meant 
it  for  William  Lilly,  the  famous  astrologer  and  almanac  maker, 
who  at  times  sided  with  the  parliament.  He  was  consulted  by 
the  royalists,  with  the  king's  privity,  whether  the  king  should 
escape  from  Hampton-court,  whether  he  should  sign  the  propo- 
sitions of  the  parliament,  &c.,  and  had  twenty  pounds  for  his 
opinion.  See  the  life  of  A.Wood,  Oxford,  1772,  pp.  101, 102,  and 
Ills  own  life,  in  which  are  many  curious  particulars.  Till  the 
king's  afiairs  declined  he  was  a  cavalier,  but  after  the  year  1645 
he  engaged  body  and  soul  in  the  causo  of  the  parliament :  he 
was  one  of  the  close  committee  to  consult  about  the  king's  exe- 
cution. At  the  latter  end  of  his  life  he  resided  at  Hersham,  in 
the  parish  of  Walton-upon-Thames,  practised  physic,  and  went 
often  to  Kingston  to  attend  his  patients.  But  probably  the  most 
profitable  trade  of  Dee,  Kelly,  Lilly,  and  others  of  that  class, 
was  that  of  spies,  which  they  were  for  any  country  or  party 
that  employed  them.  Might,  that  is  called,  from  the  A.  S.  hatan. 
to  call. 

t  i.  e.the  omens  which  he  collects  from  the  appearance  of  the 
moon. 

6  Pullen,  that  is,  poultry. 

I!  When  a  country  wench,  says  Mr.  Selden  in  his  Table  Tal^ 


256  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  n 

To  him  with  questions,  and  with  urine, 
They  for  discov'ry  flock,  or  curing. 

Quoth  Hudibras,  This  Sidrophel  12* 

I've  heard  of,  and  shou'd  like  it  well, 
If  thou  canst  prove  the  saints  have  freedom 
To  go  to  sorc'rers  when  they  need  'em.* 

Says  Ralpho,  There's  no  doubt  of  that ; 
Those  principles  I've  quoted  late,  130 

Prove  that  the  godly  may  allege 
For  any  thing  their  privilege, 
And  to  the  devil  himself  may  go, 
If  they  have  motives  thereunto : 

For  as  there  is  a  war  between  135 

The  dev'i  and  them,  it  is  no  sin 
If  they,  by  subtle  stratagem,t 
Make  use  of  him,  as  he  does  them. 
Has  not  this  present  parl'ament 

A  ledger  to  the  devil  sent,t  140 

Fully  empower'd  to  treat  about 
Finding  revolted  witclies  out?§ 
And  has  not  he,  within  a  year, 
Hang'd  threescore  of  em  in  one  shire  ?1| 
Some  only  for  not, being  drown'd,  145 

And  some  for  sitting  above  ground. 
Whole  days  and  nights  upon  their  breeches, 
Not  feeling  pain,  were  hang'd  for  witches  ; 
And  some  for  putting  knavish  tricks 
Upon  green  geese  and  turkey-chicks,  150 

Or  pigs,  that  suddenly  deceast. 
Of  griefs  unnat'ral,  as  he  guest ; 

cannot  get  her  butter  to  come,  she  says  the  witch  is  in  the 
churn. 

*  It  was  a  question  much  apitated  about  the  year  1570,  Utrum 
liceat  homini  christiano  sortiariorum  opera  et  auxilio  uli. 

t  Dolus  an  Virtus,  quis  in  hoste  requirat? 

t  That  is,  an  ambassador.  The  person  meant  was  Hopkins, 
the  noted  witch-tinder  for  the  associated  counties. 

$  That  is,  revolted  from  the  parliament. 

11  It  is  incredible  what  a  numlier  of  poor,  sick,  and  decrepit 
wretches  were  put  to  death,  under  the  pretence  of  their  being 
witches.  Hopkins  occasioned  threescore  to  be  hung  in  one  year, 
in  the  county  of  Sutibjk.  See  Dr.  Hutchinson,  p.  59.  Dr.  Grey 
says,  he  has  seen  an  account  of  between  three  and  four  thousand 
that  suflered,  in  the  king's  dominions,  from  the  year  1640  to  the 
king's  restoration.  "  In  December,  J649,"  says  Whitelock,  "  n^ny 
"witches  were  apprehended.  The  witch-trier  taking  a  pin,  and 
"thrusting  it  into  the  skin  in  many  parts  of  their  bodies;  if  they 
"were  insensible  of  it,  it  was  a  circumstance  of  proof  against 
"them.  Octobe/,  1652,  sixty  were  accused:  much  malice,  little 
"proof:  though  they  were  tortured  many  ways  to  make  them 
"  confess." 


Canto  hi.]  HUDIBRAS.  257 

Who  after  prov'd  himself  a  witch, 

And  made  a  rod  for  his  own  breech  * 

Did  not  the  dev'l  appear  to  Martin  155 

Luther  in  Germany  for  certain  ?t 

And  wou'd  have  guli'd  him  with  a  trick, 

But  Mart  was  too,  too  politick 

Did  he  not  help  the  Dutch  to  purge, 

At  Antwerp,  their  catliedral  church  It  160 

Sing  catches  to  the  saints  at  Mascon,§ 

And  tell  them  all  they  came  to  ask  him  ? 

Appear  in  divers  shapes  to  Kelly,|| 

And  speak  i'  th'  nun  of  Loudon's  belly  ?1f 

*  Dr.  Hutchinson,  in  his  Historical  Essay  on  Witchcraft,  page 
66,  tells  us,  "  that  the  country,  tired  of  the  cruelties  committed  by 
"Hopkins,  tried  him  by  his  own  system.  They  tied  his  thumbs 
"  and  toes,  as  he  used  to  do  others,  and  threw  him  into  the  water ; 
"when  he  swam  like  the  rest." 

t  Luther,  in  his  book  de  Miss^  privata,  says  he  was  persuaded 
to  preach  against  the  mass  by  reasons  suggested  to  him  by  the 
devil,  in  a  disputation.  Melchior  Adamus  says  the  devil  appear- 
ed to  Luther  in  his  own  garden,  in  the  shape  of  a  black  boar. 
And  the  Colloquia  mensalia  relate,  that  when  Luther  was  in 
his  chamber,  in  the  castle  at  Wurtsburgh,  the  devil  cracked  some 
nuts  which  he  had  in  a  box  upon  the  bed-post,  tumbled  empty 
barrels  down  stairs,  &c. 

t  In  the  beginning  of  the  civil  war  in  Flanders,  the  common 
people  at  Antwerp  broke  open  the  cathedral  church,  and  destroy- 
ed the  ornaments.  Strada,  in  his  book  de  Bello  Belgico,  says, 
that  "  several  devils  were  seen  to  assist  them;  without  whose 
"aid  it  would  have  been  impossible,  in  so  short  a  time,  to  have 
"  done  so  much  mischief." 

5  Mascon  is  a  town  in  Burgundy,  where  an  unclean  devil,  as 
he  was  called,  played  his  pranks  in  the  house  of  Mr.  Perreand, 
a  reformed  minister,  ann.  1612.  Sometimes  he  sang  psalms,  at 
others  bawdy  \%rses.  Mr.  Perreand  published  a  circumstantial 
account  of  him  in  French,  which  at  the  request  of  Mr.  Boyle, 
who  had  heard  the  matter  attested  by  Perreand  himself,  was 
translated  into  English  by  Dr.  Peter  de  Moulin.  The  poet  calls 
them  saints,  because  they  were  of  the  Geneva  persuasion. 

II  See  Notes  to  lines  235-7-8.  It  may  be  proper  to  observe,  that 
the  persons  here  instanced  had  made  more  than  ordinary  preten- 
sions to  sanctity,  or  bore  some  near  relation  to  religion.  On  this 
circumstance  Ralpho  founds  his  argument  for  the  lawfulness  of 
the  practice,  that  saints  may  converse  with  the  devil.  Dr.  Ca- 
Baubon  informs  us  that  Dee,  who  was  associated  with  Kelly,  em- 
ployed himself  in  prayer  and  other  acts  of  devotion,  before  he 
entered  upon  his  conversation  with  spirits.  "  Oratione  dominie^ 
"  tinita,  et  mori  aliqua  interposita,  et  aliquot  ex  psalterio  precibus 
"recitatis." 

IT  Sir  Kenelm  Digby,  in  his  Treatise  on  the  Sympathetic  Pow- 
der, says,  "  I  could  make  a  notable  recital  of  such  passions  that 
"  happened  to  the  nuns  at  Loudon  ;  but  having  done  it  in  a  par- 
"ticular  discourse,  at  my  return  from  that  country,  in  which  1 
"as  exactly  as  I  could,  discussed  the  point,  I  will  forbear  speak- 
"  ing  thereof  at  this  time."  Grandier,  the  curate  of  London,  was 
ordered  to  be  burned  alive,  A.  D.  1634,  by  a  set  of  judges  com- 
missioaed  and  ii  fluenced  by  Richelieu ;  and  the  prioress,  with 


358  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  .. 

Meet  with  the  parl'ament's  committee,  165 

At  Woodstock,  on  a  pers'nal  treaty  ?* 

At  Sarum  take  a  cavalier,! 

I'  th'  cause's  service,  prisoner? 

As  Withers,  in  immortal  rhyme, 

Has  registerd  to  after-time.  170 

Do  not  our  great  reformers  use 

This  Sidropliel  to  forebode  nevsrs  ;t 

To  write  of  victories  next  year, 

And  castles  taken,  yet  i'  th'  air? 

Of  battles  fought  at  sea,  and  ships  175 

Sunk,  two  years  hence,  the  last  eclipse  ?§ 

half  the  nuns  in  the  convent,  were  obliged  to  own  themselves 
bewitched.  The  prioress  declared,  that  when  the  devil  who  had 
possessed  her  had  quitted  her  body,  an  angel  impressed  upon  her 
hand  the  words  Jesus  Maria  Joseph  F  de  Salis,  Mr.  Moconnois 
made  her  a  long  visit,  and  she  showed  him  the  letters.  He 
scratched  ofT  a  part  of  them,  and  supposed  them  to  have  been 
made  with  blood  and  starch.  Grandier  was  a  handsome  man, 
ind  very  eloquent.  Such  magic  had  fascinated  the  prioress,  and 
subjected  the  nuns  to  their  violent  ardors.  See  Bayle's  Dic- 
tionary, Art.  Grandier ;  and  Dr.  Hutchinson's  Historical  Essay  on 
Witchcraft,  p.  38. 

*  Dr.  Plot,  in  his  History  of  Oxfordshire,  ch.  viii.,  tells  us  how 
the  devil,  or  some  evil  spirit,  disturbed  the  commissioners  at 
Woodstock,  whither  they  went  to  value  the  crown  lands,  Octo 
ber,  1G49.*  A  personal  treaty  was  very  much  desired  by  the 
king,  and  often  pressed  and  petitioned  for  by  great  part  of  the  na- 
tion. The  poet  insinuates,  that  though  the  parliament  refused 
to  hold  a  personal  treaty  with  the  king,  yet  tliey  scrupled  not  to 
hold  one  with  the  devil  at  Woodstock.  [Readers,  of  all  ages 
and  classes  of  the  present  day,  are  familiar  with  the  devil's 
pranks  at  Woodstock,  through  the  agency  of  that  great  and 
fascinating  magician  Walter  Scott,  who,  following  the  mighty 
Shakspeare,  makes  poetry  and  romance  the  two  entertaining 
substitutes  for  the  more  "  honest"  chronicles  of  history.  He  has 
also  introduced  us  to  the  Lescus  of  line  238  in  his  romance  of 
Kenil  worth.] 

t  Withers  has  a  long  story,  in  doggerel  verse,  of  a  soldier  of 
the  king's  army,  who  being  a  prisoner  at  Salisbury,  and  drinking 
a  health  to  the  devil  upon  his  knees,  was  carried  away  by  him 
through  a  single  pane  of  glass. 

+  Lilly,  Booker,  Culpepper,  and  others,  were  employed  to  fore- 
tel  victories  on  tho  side  of  the  parliament.  Lilly  was  a  time- 
serving rascal,  who  hesitated  at  no  means  of  getting  money.  See 
his  life,  written  by  himself. 

§  Suppose  we  read  since  the  last  eclipse,  or  suppose  we  point 
it  thus: 

Sunk  two  years  since  the  last  eclipse  : 
Lilly  grounded  lying  predictions  on  that  event.     Dr.  Grey  says 
his  reputation  was  lost  upon  the  false  prognostic  on  the  eclipso 

•  See  Ihe  Just  Devil  of  Woodstock,  or  a  true  narrative  of  the  several  Appari- 
tions, the  Fris-lits  and  Punishments  inflicted  upon  the  rumpish  Commissioner^^ 
byXijomas  Widows,  master  of  the  free  school  at  Northleach,  Gloucestershire. 
It  was  not  printed  till  1660,  thoujfh  the  date  put  to  it  is  1649.  See  Bishop  of  Po- 
tej  borough's  Register  and  Chronicle 


Canto  ni,J  HUDIBRAS.  359 

A  total  o'erthrow  giv'n  tho  king 
In  Cornwall,  horse  and  foot,  next  spring  ?* 
And  has  not  he  point-blank  foretold 
Whats'e'er  the  close  committee  would  ?  186 

Made  Mars  and  Saturn  for  tiie  cause,t 
The  Moon  for  fundamental  laws, 
The  Ram,  the  Bull,  the  Goat,  declare 
Against  the  book  of  common  prayer  ? 
The  Scorpion  take  the  protestation,  '85 

And  Bear  engage  for  reformation ; 
Made  all  the  royal  stars  recant. 
Compound,  and  take  the  covenant  ?t 
Quoth  Hudibras,  The  case  is  clear 
The  saints  may  'mploy  a  conjurer,  190 

As  thou  hast  proved  it  by  their  practice ; 
No  argument  like  matter  of  fact  is : 
And  we  are  best  of  all  led  to 
Men's  principles,  by  what  they  do. 
Then  let  us  strait  advance  in  quest  195 

Of  this  profound  gymuosophist,§ 
And  as  the  fates  and  he  advise. 
Pursue,  or  wave  this  enterprise. 
This  said,  he  tum'd  about  his  steed, 
And  eftsoons  on  th'  adventure  rid :  200 

Where  leave  we  him  and  Ralph  awhile, 
And  to  the  Conj'rer  turn  oiu*  style, 


that  was  to  happen  on  the  29th  of  March,  1652,  commonly  called 
Black  Monday,  in  which  his  predictions  not  being  fully  answer- 
ed, Mr.  Heath  observes,  (Chronicle,  p.  210:/  "That  he  was  re- 
garded no  more  for  the  future,  than  one  of  his  own  worthless 
almanacs." 

*  It  is  certain  that  the  parliament,  in  their  reports  of  victories, 
neither  observed  time  or  place.  Cleveland,  in  his  character  of  a 
London  diurnal,  p.  113,  says  of  Lord  Stamford:  "This  cubit  and 
half  of  a  commander,  by  the  help  of  a  diurnal,  routed  the  enemies 
fifty  nules  off."  The  subject  here  is  not  false  reports,  but  false 
predictions :  the  direct  contrary  happened  to  what  is  here  said ; 
the  king  overthrew  the  parliamentarians  in  Cornwall. 

t  Blade  the  planets  and  constellations  side  with  the  parlia- 
ment; or,  as  bishop  Warburton  observes,  the  planets  and  signs 
here  recapitulated  may  signify  the  several  leaders  of  the  parlia- 
mentary army — Essex,  Fairfax,  and  others. 

+  The  author  here  evidently  alludes  to  Charles,  elector  pala- 
tine of  the  Rhine,  and  to  king  Charles  the  Second,  who  both  took 
the  covenant. 

§  The  gymnosophists  were  a  sect  of  philosophers  in  India,  so 
called  from  their  going  naked.  They  were  much  respected  for 
their  profound  knowledge ;  and  held  in  the  same  estimation 
among  their  countr^'inen  as  the  Chaldsi  among  the  Assyrians, 
the  Magi  among  the  Persians,  and  the  Druids  among  the  Gauls 
and  Britons 


260  IIUDIBRAS.  [Part  il 

To  let  our  reader  understand 

What's  useful  of  him  beforehand. 

He  had  been  long  t'wards  mathematics,  205 

Optics,  philosophy,  and  statics, 

Magic,  horoscopy,  astrology, 

And  was  old  dog  at  physiology  ; 

But  as  a  dog,  that  turns  the  spit,* 

Bestirs  himself  and  plies  his  feet  210 

To  climb  the  wheel,  but  all  in  vain, 

His  own  weight  brings  him  down  again ; 

And  still  he's  in  the  self-same  place 

Where  at  his  setting  out  he  was  : 

So  in  the  circle  of  the  arts  215 

Did  he  advance  his  nat'ral  parts, 

Till  falling  back  still,  for  retreat. 

He  fell  to  juggle,  cant,  and  cheat  :t 

For  as  those  fowls  that  live  in  water 

Are  never  wet,  he  did  but  smatter ;  220 

Whate'er  he  labour'd  to  appear, 

His  understanding  still  was  clear  ;t 

Yet  none  a  deeper  knowledge  boasted, 

Since  old  Hodge  Bacon,  and  Bob  Grosted.§ 

Til'  intelligible  world  he  knew,||  225 

And  all  men  dream  on't  to  be  true, 

That  in  this  world  there's  not  a  wart 


*  Mr.  Prior's  simile  seems  to  have  been  suggested  by  this  pas- 
sage : 

Dear  Thomas,  didst  thou  never  see 
('Tis  but  by  way  of  simile) 
A  squirrel  spend  his  little  rage 
In  jumping  round  a  rolling  cage  1 
But  here  or  there,  turn  wood  or  wire, 
He  never  gets  two  inches  higher. 
So  fares  it  with  those  merry  blades 
That  frisk  it  under  Pindus'  shades. 
t  The  account  here  given  of  William  Lilly  agrees  e.\aclly 
with  his  life  written  by  himself. 
t  Clear,  that  is,  empty. 

^  Roger  Bacon,  a  Franciscan  friar,  flourished  in  the  thirteenth 
century.  His  penetration  in  most  branches  of  philosophy  was 
the  wonder  of  the  age.  Bayle  says  he  wrote  a  hundred  books, 
many  of  them  upon  astronomy,  geometry,  and  medicine.  Robert 
Grosted,  or  Grossa  Testa,  lived  nearly  at  the  same  time  with 
Bacon.  He  wrote  some  treatises  on  astronomy  and  mathemat- 
ics ;  but  his  works  were  chiefly  theological.  Several  books  were 
translated  by  him  from  the  Greek  language  ;  which  if  any  un- 
derstood in  that  age,  he  was  sure,  as  Erasmus  says,  to  be  taken 
for  a  conjuror. 

II  The  intelligible  world  is  spoken  of,  by  some  persons,  as  the 
model  or  prototype  of  the  visible  world.  See  P.  i.  c.  i.  v.  535, 
and  note. 


Canto  hi.]  HUDIBRAS.  261 

That  has  not  there  a  counterpart 

Nor  can  there,  on  the  face  of  ground, 

An  individual  beard  be  found  230 

That  has  not  in  that  foreign  nation, 

A  fellow  of  the  self-same  fashion  ; 

So  cut,  so  colour'd,  and  so  curl'd. 

As  those  are  in  th'  inferior  world. 

He'ad  read  Dee's  prefaces  before  S35 

The  devil  and  Euclid  o'er  and  o'er  ;* 

And  all  th'  intrigues  'twixt  him  and  Kelly, 

Lescus  and  th'  emperor,  wou'd  tell  ye  :t 

But  with  the  moon  was  more  familiar 


*  Dr.  John  Dee,  a  Welshman,  was  admitted  to  the  degree  of 
M.  A.  and  had  a  testimonial  from  the  university  of  Cambridge  in 
1548.  He  was  presented  l)y  Edward  VX.  to  the  living  of  Upton  upon 
Severn,  in  Worcestershire,  in  the  year  1552,  when  John  Harley 
was  made  bishop  of  Hereford.  He  gained  great  fame  at  the  time 
of  Elizabeth  and  James  I.,  by  his  knowledge  in  mathematics ; 
Tycho  Brahe  gives  him  the  title  of  pra-'stantissimus  matheniati- 
cus ;  and  Camden  calls  him  nobilis  mathematicus.  He  wrote  a 
preface  to  Euclid,  and  to  Billingsley's  Geometry,  Epistola  prae- 
fixa  Ephemeridi  Johannis  Felde,  1557;  Epistola  ad  Commandi- 
num  prjElixa  libello  de  superficiorum  divisionibus,  1570;  and 
perhaps  in  the  whole  not  less  than  fifty  treatises.  He  began 
early  to  have  the  reputation  of  a  conjuror ;  of  which  he  griev- 
ously complains  in  his  preface  to  Euclid.  This  report,  and  his 
pretended  transactions  with  spirits,  gave  the  poet  occasion  to 
call  it  Dee's  preface  before  the  devil. 

t  Kelly  was  bora  at  Worcester,  and  bred  to  the  business  of  an 
apothecary  there,  about  the  year  1555.  Sometimes  he  is  called 
Talbot.  He  was  a  famous  alchymist,  and  Dee's  assistant,  his 
seer  or  skryer,  as  he  calls  him.  Uriel,  one  of  their  chief  spirits, 
was  the  promoter  of  this  connection.  Soon  after  a  learned  Po- 
Jonian,  Albert  Alaski,  prince  of  Sirad,  whom  Mr.  Butler  calls 
Lescus,  came  into  England,  formed  an  acquaintance  with  Dee 
and  Kelly,  and,  when  he  left  this  country,  took  them  and  their 
families  with  him  into  Poland.  Next  to  Kelly,  he  was  the  great- 
est confidant  of  Dee  in  his  secret  transactions.  Camden  speaks 
of  this  Lescus  in  his  Annals,  1583.  "E  Polonia  RussIee  vicina, 
"hac  OBtate  venit  in  Angliam  Albertus  Alasco,  Palatinus  Siradi- 
"ensis  vir  eruditus,  barba  promisissima,"  &c.  From  Poland, 
Dee  and  Kelly,  after  some  time,  removed  to  Prague.  They  were 
entertained  by  the  emperor  Rodolph  II.,  disclosed  to  hii^  some 
of  their  chymical  secrets,  and  showed  him  the  wonderful  stone. 
The  emperor,  in  return,  treated  them  with  great  respect.  Kelly 
was  knighted  by  him,  but  afterwards  imprisoned  ;  and  he  died 
in  i537.  Dee  had  received  some  advantageous  offers,  it  is  said, 
from  the  king  of  France,  the  emperor  of  Muscovy,  and  several 
foreign  princes.  Perhaps  he  had  given  them  some  specimens 
->f  his  service  in  the  capacity  of  a  spy.  However,  he  returned 
t.>  England,  and  died  very  poor,  at  Mortlake  in  Surrey,  in  the 

year  1008,  aged  81.    wou'd  tell  ye  .—In  the  author's  edition 

it  is  printed,  "  would  not  tell  ye."  To  raise  the  greater  opinion 
of  his  knowledge,  he  would  pretend  to  make  a  secret  of  things 
which  he  did  not  understand. 


B63  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  u, 

Than  e'er  was  almanac  well-wilier  ;*  240 

Her  secrets  understood  so  clear, 

That  some  believ'd  he  had  been  there ; 

Knew  when  she  was  in  fittest  mood 

For  cutting  corns,  or  letting  blood  ;t 

When  for  anointing  scabs  and  itches,  245 

Or  to  the  bum  applying  leeches  ; 

When  sows  and  bitches  may  be  spay'd, 

And  in  what  sign  best  cider's  made  ; 

Whether  the  wane  be,  or  increase. 

Best  to  set  garlic,  or  sow  pease  ;  250 

Who  first  found  out  the  man  i'  th'  moon, 

That  to  the  ancients  was  unknown ; 

How  many  dukes,  and  earls,  and  peers, 

Are  in  the  planetary  spheres. 

Their  airy  empire,  and  command,  255 

Their  sev'ral  strengths  by  sea  and  land  ; 

What  factions  they've,  and  what  they  drive  at 

In  public  vogue,  or  what  in  private  ; 

With  what  designs  and  interests 

Each  party  manages  contests.  260 

He  made  an  instrument  to  know 

If  the  moon  shine  at  full,  or  no  ; 

That  would,  as  soon  as  e'er  she  shone,  straight 

Whether  'twere  day  or  night  demonstrate  ; 

Tell  what  her  d'ameter  to  an  inch  is,  265 

And  prove  that  she's  not  made  of  green  cheese. 

It  wou'd  demonstrate,  that  the  man  in 

The  moon's  a  sea  mediterranean  ;t 

And  that  it  is  no  dog  nor  bitch 

That  stands  behind  him  at  his  breech,  270 

*  The  almanac  makers  styled  themselves  Well-willers  to  the 
mathematics,  or  philomaths. 

t  Respecting  these  and  other  matters  mentioned  in  the  fol 
lowing  lines,  Lilly  and  the  old  almanac  makers  gave  particulai 
directions.  It  appears  from  various  calendars  still  preserved, 
not  to  mention  the  works  of  Hesiod,  and  the  apotelesnis  of  Ma- 
netho,  Maximus,  and  Julius  Firmicus,  that  astrologers  among 
the  Greeks  and  Romans  conceived  some  planetary  hours  to  be 
especially  favorable  to  the  operations  of  husbandry  and  physic. 

t  The  light  of  the  sun  being  unequally  reflected,  and  some 
parts  of  the  moon  appearing  more  fully  illuminated  than  otHfers, 
on  the  supposition  of  the  moon's  being  a  terraqueous  globe,  it  is 
thought  that  the  brighter  parts  are  land,  and  the  darker  water 
This  instrument,  therefore,  would  give  a  more  distinct  view  of 
those  dusky  figures,  which  had  vulgarly  been  called  the  man  ia 
the  moon,  and  discover  them  to  be  branches  of  the  sea.  In  the  Se- 
lenography of  Florentius  Langrenus  Johannes  Hevelius,  and 
others,  the  dark  parts  are  distinguished  by  the  names  of  mare 
crisium,  mare  serenitatis,  oreanus  pncellannn.  &c. 


Canto  la]  HUDIBRAS.  263 

But  a  huge  Caspian  sea  or  lake, 

With  arms,  which  men  for  legs  mistake  ; 

How  largo  a  gulph  his  tail  composes, 

And  what  a  goodly  bay  his  nose  is  ; 

How  many  German  leagues  by  th'  scale,  27S 

Capo  snout's  from  promontory  tail. 

He  made  a  planetary  gin, 

Which  rats  would  run  their  own  heads  in. 

And  come  on  purpose  to  be  taken 

Without  th'  expence  of  clieese  or  bacon  ;  280 

With  lute-strings  he  would  counterfeit 

Maggots,  that  crawl  on  dish  of  meat  ;* 

Quote  moles  and  spots  on  any  place 

O'  th'  body,  by  the  index  face  ;t 

Detect  lost  maidenheads  by  sneezing,t  285 

Or  breaking  wind  of  dames,  or  pissing  ; 

Cure  warts  and  corns,  with  application 

Of  med'cines  to  th'  imagination  ; 

Fright  agues  into  dogs,  and  scare. 

With  rhymes,  the  tooth-ach  and  catarrh  ;§  290 

Chase  evil  spirits  away  by  dint 


*  The  small  strings  of  a  fiddle  or  lute,  cut  into  short  pieces, 
and  strewed  upon  warm  meat,  will  contract,  and  appear  like  live 
maggots. 

t  "Some  physiognomers  have  conceited  the  head  of  man  to 
"  be  the  model  of  the  whole  body  ;  so  that  any  mark  there  will 
"  have  a  corresponding  one  on  some  part  of  the  body."  See 
Lilly's  life. 

J  Democritus  is  said  to  have  pronounced  more  nicely  on  the 
maid  servant  of  Hippocrates.  "  Puellreque  vitium  solo  aspectu 
"  deprehendit."  Yet  the  eyes  of  Democritus  were  scarcely  more 
acute  and  subtle  than  the  ears  of  Albertus  Magnus  :  "  nee  minus 
"  vocis  mutationem  ob  eandem  fere  causam  :  quo  tantum  signo 
"  ferunt  Albertum  Magnum,  ex  museo  suo,  puellam,ex  vinopolio 
"  vinum  pro  hero  deportanlem,  in  itinere  vitialani  fuisse  depre- 
"  hendisse ;  qubd,  in  reditu  subinde,  cantantis  ex  acuta  ir  gravi- 
"  orem  mutatam  vocem  agnovisset."  Gasper  a  Reies,  in  elysio 
jucund.  quEestion.  campo.  Lilly  professed  this  art,  and  said  no 
woman,  that  he  foind  a  maid,  ever  twitted  him  with  his  being 
mistaken. 

5  Butler  seems  to  have  raked  together  many  of  the  baits  for 
human  credulity  which  his  reading  could  furnish,  or  he  had 
ever  heard  mentioned.  These  charms  fur  tooth-ache  and  coughs 
were  well  known  to  the  common  people  a  few  years  since.  The 
word  abracadabra,  for  fevers,  is  as  old  as  Sammonicus.  Haul 
haul  hista  pista  vista,  were  recommended  for  a  sprain  by  Cato. 
[Cato  prodidit  luxatis  membris  carmen  auxiliare.  Plin.  Hist.  Nat 
xxviii.]  Homer  relates,  that  the  sons  of  Autolycus  stopped  the 
bleeding  of  Ulysses's  wound  by  a  charm.  See  Odyss  xix.  457, 
and  Barnes'  Notes  and  Scholia : 

iitaoiSfj  5'  aJ^a  xiAaivov 

"E(Txs$o'. 


2B4  HUDIBRAS.  FPart  a 

Of  sickle,  horseshoe,  hollow  flint  ;* 

Spit  fire  out  of  a  walnut-shell, 

Which  made  the  Roman  slaves  rebel  ;■! 

And  fire  a  mine  in  China  here,  29S 

With  sympathetic  gunpowder. 

He  knew  whats'ever's  to  be  known, 

But  much  more  than  he  knew  would  own. 

What  med'cine  'twas  that  Paracelsus 

Could  make  a  man  with,  as  he  tells  us  ;|  300 

What  figur'd  slates  are  best  to  make. 

On  wat'iy  surface  duck  or  drake  ;§ 

What  bowling-stones,  in  running  race 

Upon  a  board,  have  swiftest  pace  ; 

Whether  a  pulse  beat  in  the  black  305 

List  of  a  dappled  louse's  back  ;I1 


*  These  concave  implements,  particularly  the  horse-shoe,  we 
have  often  seen  nailed  to  the  threshold  of  doors  in  the  country, 
in  order  to  chase  away  evil  spirits. 

\  Lucius  Florus,  Livy,  and  other  historians,  give  the  following 
account  of  the  origin  of  the  servile  war.  There  was  a  great 
number  of  slaves  in  Sicily,  and  one  of  them,  a  Syrian,  called 
Eunus,  encouraged  his  companions,  at  the  order  of  the  gods,  as 
he  said,  to  free  themselves  by  arms.  He  filled  a  nutshell  with 
fire  and  sulphur,  and  holding  it  in  his  mouth,  breathed  out  flames, 
when  he  spoke  to  them,  in  proof  of  his  divine  commission.  By 
this  deception  he  mustered  more  than  40,000  persons. 

t  That  philosopher,  and  others,  thought  that  man  might  be 
generated  without  connection  of  the  sexes.  See  this  idea  ridi- 
culed by  Rabelais,  lib.  ii.  ch.  27.  "  Et  celeberrimus  Athanasiua 
"  Kircherus,  libro  secundo  mundi  subterranei  praclare  et  solidis 
"  rationibus,  refutavit  stultitiam  nugatoris  Paracelsi,  qui  (de  gen- 
"  erat.  rerum  naturalium,  lib.  i.)  copiose  adniodum  docere  voluit 
"ridiculam  methodum  generandi  homunciones  in  vasis  chemi- 
"  corum."  P.  38,  Franc.  Redi  de  general,  insectorum.  The  poet 
probably  had  in  view  Bulvver's  Artificial  Changeling,  who  at 
page  49U,  gives  a  full  account  of  this  matter,  both  from  Paracel- 
sus and  others. 

§  The  poet,  by  mentioning  this  play  of  children,  means  to  in- 
timate that  Sidrophel  was  a  smatterer  in  natural  philosophy, 
knew  something  of  the  laws  of  motion  and  gravity,  though  all 
he  arrived  at  was  but  childish  play,  no  better  than  making  ducks 
and  drakes. 

II  See  Sparrmann's  Voyage  to  the  Cape  of  Good  Hope,  vol.  ii. 
p.  281.  It  was  the  fashion  with  the  wits  of  our  author's  time  to 
ridicule  the  transactions  of  the  Royal  Society.  Mr.  Butler  here 
indulges  his  vein  by  bantering  their  microscopic  discoveries.  At 
present  every  one  must  be  inclined  to  adopt  the  rentiment  ot 
Co  vley : 

Mischief  and  true  dishonor  fall  on  those 

\Vlio  would  to  laughter  or  to  scorn  expose 

So  virtuous  and  so  noble  a  design, 

So  human  for  its  use,  for  knowledge  so  divine. 

The  things  which  these  proud  men  despise,  and  call 

Impertinent,  and  vain,  and  small, 


Canto  in.]  HUDIBRAS.  265 

If  systole  or  diastole  move 

Quickest  when  he's  in  wrath,  or  love  ;* 

When  two  of  them  do  run  a  race, 

Whether  they  gallop,  trot,  or  pace  ;  310 

How  many  scores  a  flee  will  jump, 

Of  his  own  length,  from  head  to  rump,t 

Which  Socrates  and  Chasrephon 

In  vain  assay'd  so  long  agone  ; 

Whether  his  snout  a  perfect  nose  is,  315 

And  not  an  elephant's  proboscis  ;t 

How  many  diff 'rent  specieses 

Of  maggots  breed  in  rotten  cheeses  ; 

And  which  are  next  of  kin  to  those 

Engendered  in  a  chandler's  nose  ;  320 

Or  those  not  seen,  but  understood, 

That  live  ia  vinegar  and  wood.§ 

A  paltry  wretch  he  had,  half  starv'd, 


Those  smallest  things  of  nature  let  me  know, 
Rather  than  all  their  greatest  actions  do  ! 

The  learned  and  ingenious  Bishop  Hurd  delivers  his  opinion 
i     this  passage  in  two  lines  from  Pope : 

But  sense  surt'ived  when  merry  jests  were  past, 
For  rising  merit  will  buoy  up  at  last. 

*  Systole  the  contraction,  and  diastole  the  dilatation,  of  the 
loort,  are  motions  of  that  organ  by  means  of  which  the  circula- 
tiou  of  the  blood  is  effected.  The  passions  of  the  mind  have  a 
senslWe  influence  on  the  animal  economy.  Some  of  them,  fear 
and  sorrow,  cbill  the  blood  and  retard  its  progress.  Other  pas- 
sions, and  especially  anger  and  love,  accelerate  its  motion,  and 
cause  the  pulse  to  beat  with  additional  strength  and  quickness. 

t  Arjiiophanes,  in  his  comedy  of  the  Clouds,  Act  i.  sc.  2,  in 
trodnces  a  scholar  of  Socrates  describing  the  method  in  which 
Socrates,  and  his  friend  Chierephon,  endeavored  to  ascertain 
how  many  lengths  of  his  own  feet  a  flea  will  jump.— </'i'AXav 
btriauv;  ft^Xoiro  toiis  avTrig  jrdSas,  quot  jiedes  suos  pulex  salta- 
ret.  They  did  not  measure,  as  our  author  says,  by  the  length  of 
the  body  ;  they  dipped  the  feet  of  the  flea  in  melted  wax,  which 
presently  hardened  into  shoes  ;  these  they  took  off,  and  meas- 
ured the  leap  of  the  flea  with  them.  It  is  probable  that  this 
representation  had  been  received  with  pleasure  by  the  enemies 
of  Socrates.  In  the  banquet  of  Xenophon  the  subject  is  taken 
up  by  one  of  the  company  :  uXX'  eliri  iioi,  Trdaous  \]/v\\a  irdiag 
ifiov  dir/xEi.  Tavra  yap  at  (pac\  ytiji\itTpuv — and  is  dismissed  by 
Socrates  with  a  kind  of  cool  contempt.  Plato  somewhere  alludes 
to  the  same  jest.  A  flea  had  jumped  from  the  forehead  of  Chie- 
rephon  to  the  head  of  Socrates,  which  introduced  the  inquiry. 

t  Microscopic  inquirers  tell  us  that  a  flea  has  a  proboscis, 
somewhat  like  that  of  an  elephant,  but  not  quite  so  large. 

$  The  pungency  of  vinegar  is  said,  by  some,  to  arise  from  tb« 
bites  of  animalcules  which  are  contained  in  it.    For  these  dis- 
coveries see  Hook's  raicographical  observations. 
12 


268  HUDIBRAS,  [Paht  li. 

That  him  in  place  of  Zany  serv'd,* 

Hight  Whachum,  bred  to  dash  and  cJ-aw,  323 

Not  wine,  but  more  unwholesome  law  ; 

To  make  'twixt  words  and  lines  huge  gaps,t 

Wide  as  meridians  in  maps ; 

To  squander  paper,  and  spare  ink, 

Or  cheat  men  of  their  words,  some  think  330 

From  this  by  merited  degrees 

He'd  to  more  high  advancement  rise, 

To  be  an  under-conjurer. 

Or  journeyman  astrologer : 

His  bus'ness  was  to  pump  and  wheedle,  335 

And  men  with  their  own  keys  unriddle  ;t 

To  make  them  to  themselves  give  answers. 

For  which  they  pay  the  necromancers  ; 

To  fetch  and  carry  intelligence 

Of  whom,  and  what,  and  where,  and  whence,       340 

And  all  discoveries  disperse 

Among  th'  whole  pack  of  conjurers  ; 

What  cut-purses  have  left  with  them, 

For  the  right  owners  to  redeem, 

And  what  they  dare  not  vent,  find  out,  34j 

To  gain  themselves  and  th'  art  repute  ; 

Draw  figures,  schemes,  and  horoscopes, 


*  A  Zany  is  a  buffoon,  or  Merry  Andrew,  designed  to  assist 
the  quack,  as  the  ballad-singer  does  the  cut-purse  or  pickpocket. 
Some  have  supposed  this  character  of  Whachum  to  have  been 
intended  for  one  Tom  Jones,  a  foolish  Welshman.  Others  think 
it  was  meant  for  Ricliard  Green,  who  published  a  pamphlet  en- 
titled "  Hudibras  in  a  snare."  The  word  zany  is  derived  by 
some  from  the  Greek  aavvas,  a  fool,  Tl,avvos  ;  (see  Eustath.  ad. 
Odyss.  xxii.  and  Meursii  Glossar.  Gr:cco-barb.,)  by  others  from  the 
Venetian  Zani,  abbreviated  from  giovanni. 

t  As  the  way  of  lawyers  is  in  their  bills  and  answers  in  chan 
eery,  where  they  are  paid  so  much  a  sheet. 

X  Mencitenius,  in  his  book  de  Charlataneria  Eruditorum,  ed 
Amst.  1747,  p.  192,  tells  this  story:  Jactabat  empiricus  quidam, 
se  ex  solo  urina;  aspectu  non  solum  de  morbis  omnibus,  sed  etde 
illorum  causis,  qtiaecunque  demum  ilia  fuerint,  sive  natura,  sive 
sors  tulisset,  certissime  cognoscere  ;  interim  ille  ita  instruxerat 
servulos  suos,  ut  callide  homines  ad  se  accedentes  explorarent, 
et  de  his,  qus  comperta  haberent,  clam  ad  se  referrent. — Acce 
dit  mulier  paupercula  cum  lotio  mariti,  quo  vix  viso,  maritus 
tuus,  inquit,  per  scalas  domus  infausto  casu  decidit.  Turn  ilia 
admirabunda,  istudne,  ait,  ex  urina  intelligis  ■?  Imo  vero,  inquit 
empiricus,  et  nisi  me  omnia  fallunt,  per  quindecim  scalK  gradus 
delapsus  est.  At  cum  ilia,  utique  viginti  se  numerasse  referret, 
hie  velut  indignatus  qua;rit :  num  omnem  secum  urinam  attulis- 
set :  atque,  ilia  negante,  quod  'vasculum  materiam  omnem  non 
caperet :  itaque,  ait,  effudisti  cum  urina  quinque  gradus  illos, 
qni  niihi  ad  numerum  deerant.— 1  wonder  this  story  escaped  Dr, 


Cakto  hi.]  HUDIBRAS.  267 

Of  Newgate,  Bridewell,  brokers'  shops, 

Of  thieves  ascendant  in  the  cart,* 

And  find  out  all  by  rules  of  art :  330 

Which  way  a  serving-man,  that's  ruu 

With  clothes  or  money  away,  is  gone  ; 

Who  pick'd  a  fob  at  holding-forth, 

And  where  a  watch,  for  half  the  worth, 

May  be  redeem'd  ;  or  stolen  plate  355 

Restor'd  at  conscionable  rate. 

Beside  all  this,  he  serv'd  his  master 

In  quality  of  poetaster. 

And  rhymes  appropriate  could  make 

To  ev'ry  month  i'  th'  almanack  ;  360 

When  terms  begin,  and  end,  could  tell. 

With  their  returns,  in  doggerel ; 

When  the  exchequer  opes  and  shuts, 

And  sowgelder  with  safety  cuts  ; 

When  men  may  eat  and  drink  their  fill,  365 

And  when  be  temp'rate,  if  they  will  ; 

When  use,  and  when  abstain  from  vice. 

Figs,  grapes,  phlebotomy,  and  spice. 

And  as  in  prisons  mean  rogues  beat 

Hemp  for  the  service  of  the  great,t  370 

So  Whachum  beat  his  dirty  brains 

T'  advance  his  master's  fame  and  gains, 

And  like  the  devil's  oracles. 

Put  into  dogg'rel  rhymes  his  spells,t 

Which,  over  ev'ry  month's  blank  page  375 

I'  th'  almanack,  strange  bilks  presage.§ 

He  would  an  elegy  compose 

On  maggots  squeez'd  out  of  his  nose  ; 

In  lyric  numbers  write  an  ode  on 

His  mistress,  eating  a  black-pudding  ;  380 

And,  when  imprison'd  air  escaped  her. 

It  puft  him  with  poetic  rapture : 

His  sonnets  charm'd  th'  attentive  crowd, 

By  wide-mouth'd  mortal  troll'd  aloud. 

That,  circled  with  his  long-ear'd  guests,  385 

*  Ascendant,  a  term  in  astrology,  is  here  equivocal. 

t  Petty  rogues  in  Bridewell  pound  hemp  ;  and  it  may  happen 
that  the  produce  of  tiieir  labor  is  employed  in  halters,  in  which 
greater  criminals  are  hanged. 

t  Plutarch  has  a  whole  treatise  to  discuss  the  question,  why 
Apollo  had  ceased  to  deliver  his  oracles  in  verse  :  which  brings 
on  an  incidental  inquiry  why  his  language  was  often  bad,  and 
his  verses  defective. 

$  Bilk  is  a  Gothic  word,  signifying  a  cheat  or  fraud:  it  signi 
fies  ijjcewlse  to  baulk  or  disappoint 


268  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  n 

Like  Orpheus,  lock'd  among  the  beasts : 

A  carman's  horse  could  not  pass  by, 

But  stood  ty'd  up  to  poetry  : 

No  porter's  burden  pass'd  along, 

But  serv'd  for  burden  to  his  song :  391 

Each  window  like  a  pill'ry  appears, 

With  heads  thrust  tliro'  nail'd  by  the  ears  ; 

All  trades  run  in  as  to  the  sight 

Of  monsters,  or  their  dear  delight, 

The  gallow-tree,*  when  cutting  purse  393 

Breeds  bus'ness  for  heroic  verse. 

Which  none  does  liear,  but  would  have  hmig 

T'  have  been  the  theme  of  such  a  song.t 

Those  two  together  long  had  liv'd, 
In  mansion,  prudently  contriv'd,  400 

Where  neither  tree  nor  house  could  bar 
The  free  detection  of  a  star  ; 
And  nigh  an  ancient  obelisk 
Was  rais'd  by  him,  found  out  by  Fisk, 
On  which  was  written  not  in  words,  405 

But  hieroglyphic  mute  of  birds,t 
Many  rare  pithy  saws,  concerning^ 
The  worth  of  astrologic  learning : 


*  Thus  Cleveland,  in  his  poem  entitled  the  Rebel  Scot : 
A  Scot  when  from  the  gallow-tree  got  loose, 
Drops  into  Styx,  and  turns  a  Soland  goose, 
t  The  author  perhaps  recollected  some  lines  in  Sir  John  Den 
ham's  poem  on  the  trial  and  death  of  the  earl  of  Stratford  : 
Such  was  his  force  of  eloquence,  to  make 
The  hearers  more  concern'd  tlian  he  that  spake  ; 
Each  seem'd  to  act  that  part  he  came  to  see, 
And  none  was  more  a  looker  on  than  he  ; 
So  did  lie  move  our  passions,  some  were  known 
To  wish,  for  the  defence,  the  crime  their  own. 
When  Mars  and  Venus  were  surprised  in  Vulcan's  net,  and 
the  deities  were  assembled  to  see  them,  Ovid  says : 

aliquis  de  dis  non  tristibus  optet 

Sic  fieri  turpis Metamorph.  lib.  iv,  187. 

J  Fisk  was  a  quack  physician  and  astrologer  of  that  time,  and 
an  acquaintance  of  William  Lilly,  the  almanac  maker  and  prog 
noslicator.  "  In  the  year  1663,"  says  Lilly  in  his  own  life,  "  I 
"  became  acq-iainted  with  Nicholas  Fisk,  licentiate  in  physic, 
"  born  in  Suflblk,  fit  for,  but  not  sent  to,  the  university.  Study- 
"ing  at  home  astrology  and  physic,  which  he  afterwards  prac- 
"  tised  at  Colchester  :"  He  had  a  pension  from  the  parliament; 
and  during  the  civil  war,  and  the  whole  of  the  usurpation,  prog 
nosticated  on  that  side.  [Mute.  The  dung  of  birds.  Todd  in 
his  edition  of  Johnson,  with  this  passage  quoted.] 

5  Pithy,  that  is,  nervous,  witty,  full  of  sense  and  meaning, 
like  a  proverb.    Saw  that  is,  say,  or  saying,  from  A.  S.    Doaglas 


Canto  hi.]  HUDIBRAS.  269 

From  top  of  this  there  hung  a  rope, 

To  which  he  fasten'd  telescope  ;*  410 

Tlie  spectacles  with  which  the  stars 

He  reads  in  smallest  characters. 

It  happened  as  a  boy,  one  night. 

Did  fly  his  tarsel  of  a  kite,t 

The  strangest  long-wing'd  hawk  that  flies  413 

That,  like  a  bird  of  Paradise, 

Or  herald's  martlet,  has  no  legs,}: 

Nor  hatches  young  one*,  nor  lays  eggs  ; 

His  train  was  six  yards  long,  milk  white. 

At  til'  end  of  which  there  hung  a  light,  420 

Enclos'd  in  lanthorn  made  of  paper, 


applies  it  to  any  saying,  (p.  143,  v.  52,)  and  once  in  a  bad  sense 
to  indecent  language : 

Nu  rist  with  sleath,  and  many  unseemly  saw 
Quhare  schame  is  loist.  P.  90,  v.  15. 

*  Refracting  telescopes  were  formerly  so  constructed  as  to  re- 
quire such  an  awkward  apparatus.  Hugenius  invented  a  teles- 
cope without  a  tube.  The  object  glass  was  fixed  to  a  long  pole, 
and  its  a.\is  directed  towards  any  object  by  a  string,  which  pass- 
ed down  froui  the  glass  above  to  the  eye-glass  below.  He  pre- 
sented to  the  Royal  Society  an  object  glass  of  one  hundred  and 
twenty-three  feet  focal  distance,  with  an  apparatus  belonging  to 
it,  which  he  had  made  himself.  It  is  described  in  his  Astroco- 
pia  compendiaria  tubi  optici  moliniine  liberata,  Hague,  1684. 

t  Tiersel,  or  tiercelet.  as  the  French  call  the  male  hawk, 
which  is  less  in  the  body  by  a  third  part  than  the  female,  from 
whence  it  hath  the  name.  Lord  Bacon  says  it  is  stronger  and 
more  courageous  than  the  female. 

t  The  bird  of  Paradise,  or  the  Pica  Paradis^a  of  Linnsus. 
Tlie  manucodiata  of  Edwards  and  Ray,  The  Portuguese  first 
saw  them  in  Gilolo,  Papua,  and  New  Guinea :  many  idle  tables 
have  been  propagated  concerning  these  birds,  among  which  are 
to  be  reckoned,  that  they  have  no  feet,  pass  their  lives  in  the 
air  and  feed  on  that  element:  but  it  is  found  that  the  feet  are 
cutoff,  that  the  birds  may  dry  the  better,  and  the  scapular  feath- 
ers prevent  their  sitting  on  trees  in  windy  weather.  Natural- 
ists describe  many  species,  but  the  Paradisa;a  apodo,.  or  greater 
bird  of  Paradise  is  generally  about  two  feet  in  length.  See  La- 
tham, Syn.  ii.  47.  Index,  i.  164,  and  Essay  on  India,  by  John 
Reinhold  Forster,  p.  17.  Martlets  are  painted  by  the  heralds 
without  legs,  or  with  very  short  ones,  scarcely  visible.  In  Le 
Blanc's  Travels,  p.  115,  we  are  told  of  the  birds  of  Paradise,  that 
they  are  kept  in  a  cage  in  the  Sultan's  garden,  and  are  thought 
by  Europeans  to  have  no  legs.  Lord  Bacon  has  the  following 
passage  in  his  Works,  fol.  vol.  iv.  p.  325  :  "  The  second  reason 
"that  made  me  silent  was,  because  this  suspicion  and  runmur 
"of  undertaking  settles  upon  no  person  certa"n:  it  is  like  the 
"  birds  of  paradise,  that  they  have  in  the  Indies,  that  have  no 
• "  feet,  and  therefore  never  light  upon  any  place,  but  the  wind 
"carries  them  away.  And  such  a  thing  I  take  this  rumour  to 
"be."  Pliny,  in  his  Natura  History,  has  a  chapter  de  Apodibu% 
lib.x.  ch.39. 


270  IIUDIBRAS,  [Part  li 

That  fai  off  like  a  star  did  appear  : 

Tliis  Sidrophel  by  chance  espy'd, 

And  with  amazement  staring  wide  : 

Bless  us,  quoth  he,  what  dreadful  wonder  42S 

Is  that  appears  in  heaven  yonder  ? 

A  comet,  and  without  a  beard  ! 

Or  star,  that  ne'er  before  appear'd  ! 

I'm  certain  'tis  not  in  the  scrowl 

Of  all  those  beasts,  and  fish,  and  fowl,*  430 

With  which,  like  Indian  plantations, 

The  learned  stock  the  constellations  ;t 

Nor  those  that,  drawn  for  signs,  have  been 

To  th'  houses  where  the  planets  inn.t 

It  must  be  supernatural,  435 

Unless  it  be  that  cannon-ball 

That,  shot  i'  the  air,  point-blank  upright, 

Was  borne  to  that  prodigious  height, 

That,  learn'd  philosophers  maintain. 

It  ne'er  came  backwards  down  again, §  440 

But  in  the  airj'  regions  yet 

Hangs,  like  the  body  o'  Mahomet  :1| 


*  Astronomers,  for  the  help  of  their  memory,  and  to  avoid 
giving  names  to  every  star  in  p;irticular,  have  divided  them  into 
constellations  oi  companies,  which  they  have  distinguished  by 
the  names  of  several  beasts,  birds,  fishes,  &c.,  as  they  fall  with- 
in the  compass  which  the  forms  of  these  creatures  reach  to. 
Butler,  in  his  Genuine  Remains,  vol.  i.  page  9,  says  : 

Since  from  the  greatest  to  the  least, 
All  other  stars  and  constellations 
Have  cattle  of  all  sorts  of  nations. 

This  distribution  of  the  stars  is  very  ancient.  Tully  mentions 
it  from  Aratus,  in  nearly  the  same  terirjs  which  are  used  in  our 
astronomical  tables.  The  divisions  are  called  houses  by  the  as- 
trologers. 

t  Cosmographers,  in  their  descriptions  of  the  world,  when 
they  found  many  vast  places,  whereof  they  knew  nothing,  are 
used  to  fill  the  same  with  an  account  of  Indian  plantations, 
strange  birds,  beasts,  &c.  So  historians  and  poets,  says  Plutarch, 
embroider  and  intermix  the  tales  of  ancient  times  with  fictions 
and  fabulous  discoveries. 

i  Signs,  a  pun  between  signs  for  public  houses,  and  signs  or 
constellations  in  the  heavens.  Aratus  and  Eratosthenes. — The 
Ca'asterismoi  of  the  latter,  printed  at  the  end  of  Fell's  Aratus, 
are  nearly  as  old  as  Aratus  himself  See  also  Hall's  Virgidemi- 
aruin,  book  ii.  Sat.  vii.  v.  29. 

§  Some  foreign  philosophers  directed  a  cannon  against  the 
zenith  ;  and,  having  fired  it,  could  not  find  where  the  ball  fell  i 
from  whence  it  was  conjectured  to  have  stuck  in  the  moon  l>ss 
Cartes  imagined  that  the  ball  remained  in  the  air 

II  The  improbable  story  of  Mahomet's  body  being  suspended 
in  an  iron  chest,  between  two  great  loadstones,  is  refuted  by  Mr 
Sandys  and  Dr.  Prideaux. 


Canto  hi,]  HUDIBRAS.  271 

For  if  it  be  above  the  shade, 

That  by  the  earth's  round  bulk  is  made, 

'Tis  probable  it  may  from  far,  445 

Appear  no  bullet,  but  a  star. 

This  said,  he  to  his  engine  Sew, 
Plac'd  near  at  hand,  in  open  view. 
And  rais'd  it,  till  it  levell'd  right 

Against  the  glow-worm  tail  of  kite  ;*  451 

Then  peeping  thro',  Bless  us  !  quoth  he. 
It  is  a  planet  now  I  see  ; 
And,  if  I  err  not,  by  his  proper 
Figure,  that's  like  tobacco-stopper,t 
It  should  be  Saturn  :  yes,  'tis  clear  45C 

'Tis  Saturn  ;  but  what  makes  him  there  ? 
He's  got  between  the  Dragon's  tail, 
And  farther  leg  behind  o'  th'  Whale  ;t 
Pray  heav'n  divert  the  fatal  omen, 
For  'tis  a  prodigy  not  common,  4C0 

And  can  no  less  than  the  world's  end, 
Or  nature's  funeral,  portend. 
With  that,  he  fell  again  to  pry 
Thro'  perspective  more  wistfully, 
When,  by  mischance,  the  fatal  string,  465 

That  kept  the  tow'ring  fowl  on  wing, 
Breaking,  down  fell  the  star.     Well  shot, 
Quoth  Whachum,  who  right  wisely  thought 
He'  ad  levell'd  at  a  star,  and  hit  it ; 
But  Sidrophel,  more  subtle-witted,  470 

Cry'd  out,  What  horrible  and  fearful 
Portent  is  this,  to  see  a  star  fall  ! 
It  threatens  nature,  and  the  doom 
Will  not  be  long  before  ii  come  ! 

*  The  luminous  part  of  the  glow-worm  is  the  tail. 

t  This  alludes  to  the  symbol  which  astronomers  use  to  denote 
the  planet  Saturn  (  ^  ),  and  astrologers  use  a  sign  not  much  ud- 
like  it.  It  is  no  wonder  Sidrophel  should  be  puzzled  to  know 
for  certain  whether  it  was  Saturn  or  not,  as  the  phases  of  Sattun 
are  very  various  and  extraordinary,  and  long  perplexed  the  as- 
tronomers, who  could  not  divine  the  meaning  of  such  irregular- 
ity; thus  Hevelius  observes,  that  he  appears  sometimes  vwno- 
tpherical,  sometimes  trispherical,  spherico-ansated,  elliptico-an- 
*o£ed,  and  spherico-cv spi dated ;  but  Huygens  reduced  all  these 
phases  to  three  principal  ones,  round,  brachiated,  and  ansated. 
See  Chambers's  Dictionary,  art.  Saturn. 

t  Sidrophel,  the  star-gazer,  names  any  two  constellations  he 
can  think  of:  or  rather  the  poet  designs  to  make  him  blunder, 
by  fixing  on  those  which  are  far  distant  from  each  other,  on 
different  sides  of  the  equator ;  and  also  by  talking  of  the 
whale's  hinder  leg.  On  some  old  globes  the  whale  is  described 
with  leas. 


272  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  d. 

When  stars  do  fall,  'tis  plain  enough  473 

The  day  of  judgment's  not  far  off; 

As  lately  'twas  reveal'd  to  Sedgwick,* 

And  some  of  us  find  out  by  magick ; 

Then,  since  the  time  we  have  to  live 

In  this  world's  shorten'd,  let  us  strive  48fl 

To  make  our  best  advantage  of  it, 

And  pay  our  losses  with  our  profit. 

This  feat  fell  out  not  long  before 
The  Knight,  upon  the  forenam'd  score. 
In  quest  of  Sidrophel  advancing,  485 

Was  now  in  prospect  of  the  mansion  ; 
Whom  he  discov'ring,  turn'd  his  glass, 
And  found  far  off 'twas  Hudibras. 

Whachum,  quoth  he,  Look  yonder,  some 
To  try  or  use  our  art  are  come  :  490 

The  one's  the  learned  Knight  ;  seek  out. 
And  pump 'em  what  they  como  about. 
Whachum  advanc'd,  with  all  submiss'ncss 
T'  accost  'em,  but  much  more  their  business : 
He  held  the  stirrup,  while  the  Knight  495 

From  leathern  bare-bones  did  alight ; 
And,  taking  from  his  hand  the  bridle, 
Approach'd  the  dark  Squire  to  unriddle. 
He  gave  him  first  the  time  o'  th'  day,t 
And  wclcom'd  him,  as  he  might  say:  500 

He  ask'd  him  whence  they  came,  and  whither 
Their  business  lay?     Quoth  Ralpho,  Hither. 
Did  you  not  lose  U — Quoth  Ralpho,  Nay. 
Quoth  Whachum,  Sir,  I  meant  your  way  ? 
Your  Knight — Quoth  Ralpho,  Is  a  lover,  505 

And  pains  intol'rable  doth  suffer  ; 
For  lovers'  hearts  are  not  their  own  hearts, 
Nor  lights,  nor  lungs,  and  so  forth  downwards. 


*  Will.  Sedgwick  was  a  whimsical  fanatic  preacher,  settled  by 
the  parliament  in  the  city  of  Ely.  He  pretended  much  to  reve- 
lations, and  was  called  the  apostle  of  the  Isle  of  Ely.  He  gave 
out  that  the  approach  of  theday  of  judgment  had  been  disclosed 
to  him  in  a  vision  :  and  going  to  the  house  of  Sir  Francis  Russel, 
in  Cambridgeshire,  where  he  found  several  gentlemen,  he  warned 
them  all  to  prepare  themselves,  for  the  day  of  judgment  would 
be  some  daj  in  the  next  week. 

t  He  bade  him  good  evening :  see  line  540. 

j  He  supposes  they  came  to  inquire  after  something  stolen 
or  strayed;  the  usual  case  with  people  when  they  apply  to  the 
cunning  man.  In  these  lines  we  must  observe  the  artfulness  oi 
Whachum,  who  pumps  the  squire  concerning  the  knight's  busi- 
ness, and  afterwards  relates  it  to  Sidrophel  in  the  presence  of 
>oth  of  them. 


Canto  in.]  HUDIBRAS.  273 

What  time  ? — Quoth  Ralpho,  Sir,  too  long, 

Three  yeai-s  if  off  and  on  has  hung —  510 

Quoth  he,  I  meant  what  time  o'  th'  day  'tis. 

Quoth  Ralpho,  between  seven  and  eight  'tis, 

Why  then,  quoth  Whachum,  my  small  art 

Tells  me  the  Dame  has  a  hard  heart. 

Or  great  estate.     Quoth  Ralph,  A  jointure,  515 

Which  makes  him  have  so  hot  a  mind  t'  her. 

Mean-while  the  Knight  was  making  water, 

Before  he  fell  upon  the  matter : 

Which  having  done,  the  Wizard  steps  in. 

To  give  him  a  suitable  reception  ;  520 

But  kept  his  business  at  a  bay. 

Till  Whachum  put  him  in  the  way  ; 

Who  having  now,  by  Ralpho's  light. 

Expounded  th'  errand  of  the  Knight, 

And  what  he  came  to  know,  drew  near,  525 

To  whisper  in  the  Conj'rer's  ear. 

Which  he  prevented  thus :  What  was't, 

Quoth  he,  that  I  was  saying  last,* 

Before  these  gentlemen  arriv'd? 

Quoth  Whachum,  Venus  you  retriev'd,  530 

In  opposition  with  Mars, 

And  no  benign  and  friendly  stars 

T'  allay  the  effect.t     Quoth  Wizard,  So: 

In  Virgo?  ha!     Quoth  Whachum,  No:t 

Has  Saturn  nothing  to  do  in  it  ;§  535 

One  tenth  of 's  circle  to  a  minute ! 

'Tis  well,  quoth  he — Sir  you'll  excuse 

This,  rudeness  I  am  forc'd  to  use  ; 

It  is  a  scheme,  and  face  of  heaven, 

As  th'  aspects  are  dispos'd  this  even,  540 


*  To  prevent  the  suspicion  which  might  be  created  by  whis- 
pering, he  causes  Whachum  to  relate  his  intelligence  aloud,  in 
tne  cant  terms  of  his  own  profession. 

t  There  should  be  no  comma  after  the  word  retriev'd ;  it  here 
signifies  found,  observed,  from  the  French  retrouver.  Venus,  the 
goddess  of  love,  opposes  and  thwarts  Mars,  the  god  of  war,  and 
there  is  likely  to  be  no  accord  between  them.  By  which  he 
gives  him  to  understand,  that  the  knight  was  in  love,  and  had 
small  hopes  of  success. 

X  Is  his  mistress  a  virgin  ^    No. 

^  Saturn,  Kpdvog,  was  the  god  of  time.  The  wizard  by  these 
words  inquires  how  long  the  love  aflair  had  been  carried  on. 
Whachum  replies,  one  tenth  of  his  circle  to  a  minute,  or  three 
years ;  one  tenth  of  the  thirty  years  in  which  Saturn  finishes 
his  revolution,  and  exactly  the  time  which  the  knight's  court- 
ship had  been  pending. 

12* 


274  HUDIBRAS.  [Fart  a. 

I  was  contemplating  upon 

When  you  arriv'd  ;  but  now  I've  done. 

Quoth  Hudibras,  If  I  appear 
Unseasonable  in  coming  here 

At  such  a  time,  to  interrupt  545 

Your  speculations,  which  I  hop'd 
Assistance  from,  and  come  to  use, 
'Tis  fit  that  I  ask  your  excuse. 

By  no  means,  Sir,  quoth  Sidrophel, 
The  stars  your  coming  did  foretel ;  550 

I  did  expect  you  here,  and  knew. 
Before  you  spake,  your  business  too.* 

Quoth  Hudibras,  Make  that  appear, 
And  I  shall  credit  whatsoe'er 

You  tell  me  after,  on  your  word,  555 

Howe'er  unlikely,  or  absurd. 

You  are  in  love,  Sir,  with  a  widow, 
Quoth  he,  that  does  not  greatly  heed  you, 
And  for  three  years  has  rid  your  wit 
And  passion,  without  drawing  bit ;  560 

And  now  your  business  is  to  know 
If  you  shall  carry  her,  or  no. 

Quoth  Hudibras,  You're  in  the  right, 
But  how  the  devil  you  come  by't 
I  can't  imagine  ;  for  the  stars,  565 

I'm  sure,  can  tell  no  more  than  a  horse  : 
Nor  can  their  aspects,  tho'  you  pore 
Your  eyes  out  on  'em,  tell  you  more 
Than  th'  oracle  of  sieve  and  sheers,t 
That  turns  as  certain  as  the  spheres :  570 

But  if  the  Devil's  of  your  counsel. 
Much  may  be  done,  my  noble  donzel  ;| 


*  In  some  editions  we  read,  Know  before  you  speak. 

t  "Put  a  paire  of  sheeres  in  the  rim  of  a  sieve,  and  let  two 
"  persons  set  the  tip  of  each  of  their  forefingers  upon  the  upper 
"  part  of  the  sheers,  holding  it  with  the  sieve  up  from  the  ground 
"steddilie,  and  ask  Peter  and  Paul  whether  A.  B.  or  C.  hath 
"stolne  the  .hing  lost,  and  at  the  nomination  of  the  suilty  per- 
"son  the  sieve  will  turn  round."  Scot's  Discovery  of  Witchcraft, 
book  xii.  ch.  xvii.  p.  262.  The  «o<riciv(5/iavT(j,  or  diviner  by  a 
sieve,  is  mentioned  by  Theocritus  Idyll,  iii.  31  Tlie  Greek  prac- 
tice differed  very  little  from  that  which  has  been  stated  above. 
They  tied  a  thread  to  the  sieve,  or  fixed  it  to  a  pair  of  shears, 
which  they  held  between  two  finjers.  After  addressing  them- 
selves to  the  gods,  they  repeated  the  names  of  the  suspected 
persons;  and  he,  at  whose  name  the  sieve  turned  round,  was 
adjudged  guilty.    Potter's  Gr.  Antiq.  vol.  i.  p.  352. 

}  A  sneering  kind  of  appellation  :  donzel  being  a  diminutive 
&om  don.    Butler  says,  in  his  character  of  a  squire  of  Dames, 


C^NTo  ui.J  HUDIBRAS.  375 

And  'tis  on  this  account  I  come, 
To  know  from  you  my  fatal  doom. 

Quoth  Sidrophel,  If  you  suppose,  575 

Sii-  Knight,  that  I  am  one  of  those, 
[  might  suspect  and  take  the  alarm, 
Vour  business  is  but  to  inform  :* 
But  if  it  be,  'tis  ne'er  the  neai'. 

You  have  a  wrong  sow  by  the  ear  ;•  ftSl 

For  I  assure  you,  for  my  part, 
1  only  deal  by  rules  of  art ; 
Such  as  are  lawful,  and  judge  by 
Conclusions  of  astrology  ; 

But  for  the  devil ;  know  nothing  by  him,  585 

But  only  this,  that  I  defy  him. 

Quoth  he,  Whatever  others  deem  ye, 
I  understand  your  metonymy  ;t 
Your  words  of  second-hand  intention,! 
When  things  by  wrongful  names  you  mention  ;     590 


(vol.  ii.  p.  370,)  "  he  is  donzel  to  the  damzels,  and  gentleman 
"  usher  daily  waiter  on  the  ladies,  that  rubs  out  his  time  in  ma- 
"  king  legs  and  love  to  them."  The  word  is  likewise  used  in 
Ben  Jonson's  Alchymist.  ["  Donid  del  Phcho.  A  celebrated 
"  hero  of  romance  in  the  Mirror  of  Knighthood,  &c.  Donzel  is 
"  from  the  Italian,  donicllo,  and  means  a  squire,  or  young  man  ; 
"  or,  as  Florio  says,  '  A  dainosell,  a  bacheler,'  &c.  He  seems  al- 
"  ways  united  with  Rosiclear. 

"  Defend  thee  powerfully,  marry  thee  sumptuously,  and  keep 
''  thee  in  despite  of  Rosiclear  or  Donzel  del  Pliebo. 

"  Malcontent,  O.  PI.  iv.  92. 

"  Donzel  del  Phtbo  and  Rosicleer  !  are  you  there  "? 

"  The  Bird  in  a  Cage,  O.  PI.  viii.  248. 

"So  the  Captain  in  Philaster  calls  the  citizens  in  insurrection 
"  with  him,  'My  dear  Donscls:'  and  presently  after,  when  Phi- 
'*  laster  appears  salutes  him  by  the  title  of 

" My  royal  Rosiclear  I 

"  We  are  thy  myrmidons,  thy  guards,  thy  roarers. 

"  Philaster,  v.  p.  166-7." — Nares's  Glossary.] 

*  At  that  time  there  was  a  severe  inquisition  against  conjurers, 
witches,  &c.  See  the  note  on  line  143.  In  Rymer's  Foedera, 
vol.  xvi.  p.  666,  is  a  special  pardon  from  king  James  to  Simon 
Read,  for  practising  the  black  art.  It  is  entitled,  De  Pardonatio- 
ne  pro  Simone  Read  de  Invocatione,  et  Conjuratione  Cacodaemo- 
num.  He  is  there  said  to  have  invoked  certain  wicked  spirits  in 
the  year  1608,  in  the  parishof  St.  George,  South wark,  particular- 
ly one  such  spirit  called  Heavelon,  another  called  Faternon,  and 
a  third  called  Cleveton. 

t  Metonymy  is  a  figure  of  speech,  whereby  the  cause  is  put 
for  the  effect,  the  subject  for  the  adjunct. 

t  Terms  of  second  intention,  among  the  schoolmen,  denote 
ideas  which  have  been  arbitrarily  adopted  for  purposes  of  science 
in  opposition  to  those  which  are  connected  with  sensible  ob- 
jects. 


276  HUDIBRAS.  Tart  n 

The  mystic  sense  of  all  your  terms, 

That  aro  indeed  but  magic  charms 

To  raise  the  devil,  and  mean  one  thing, 

And  that  is  downright  conjuring ; 

And  in  itself  more  warrantable*  59A 

Than  cheat  or  canting  to  a  rabble, 

Or  putting  tricks  upon  the  moon, 

Which  by  confed'racy  are  done. 

Your  ancient  conjurers  were  wont 

To  make  her  from  her  sphere  dismount,t  600 

And  to  their  incantations  stoop  ; 

They  scorn'd  to  pore  thro'  telescope, 

Or  idly  play  at  bo-peep  with  her. 

To  find  out  cloudy  or  fair  weather, 

Which  ev'ry  almanac  can  tell  605 

Perhaps  as  learnedly  and  well 

As  you  yourself — Then,  friend,  I  doubt 

You  go  the  furthest  way  about : 

Your  modern  Indian  magician 

Makes  but  a  hole  in  th'  earth  to  piss  in,I  610 

And  straight  resolves  all  questions  by't. 

And  seldom  fails  to  be  i'  th'  right. 

The  Rosy-crucian  way's  more  sure 

To  bring  the  devil  to  the  lure  ; 

Each  of  'em  has  a  several  gin,  615 

To  catch  intelligences  in.§ 

Some  by  the  nose,  with  fumes,  trepan  'em, 

As  Dunstan  did  the  devil's  grannam.|l 

*  The  knight  has  no  faith  in  astrology ;  but  wishes  th.i  conju- 
rer to  own  plainly  that  he  deals  with  the  devil,  and  then  he  will 
hope  for  some  satisfaction  from  him.  To  show  what  may  be 
done  iu  this  way,  he.recounts  the  great  achievements  of  sorcer- 
ers. 

t  So  the  witch  Cani<iia  boasts  of  herself  in  Horace: 

Polo 
Deripere  lunam  vocibus  possim  nieis. 

The  ancients  frequently  introduced  this  fiction.  See  Virgil, 
Fclogue  viii.  69.  Ovid's  Metamorphoses,  vii.  207.  Propertius, 
Li/ok  1.  elegy  i.  1&  and  Tibullus,  book  i.  elegy  ii.  44. 

I  "The  king  presently  called  to  his  Bongi  to  clear  the  air;  the 
conjuror  immediately  made  a  hole  in  the  ground,  wherein  he 
urined."  Le  Blanc's  Travels,  p.  98.  The  ancient  Zabii  used  to 
dig  a  hole  in  the  earth,  and  fill  it  with  blood,  as  the  means  of 
forming  a  correspondence  witli  demons,  and  obtaining  their  fa- 
vor. 

5  To  secure  demons  or  spirits. 

II  The  chymists  and  alchymists.  In  the  Remains  of  Butler, 
vol.  ii.  p.  235,  we  read:  "These  spirits  they  use  to  catch  by  tha 
noses  with  fumigations,  as  St.  Dunstan  did  the  devil,  by  a  pair  of 
tongs."  The  story  of  St.  Dunstan  taking  the  devil  by  the  nose  with 
a  pair  of  hot  pincers,  has  been  frequently  related.  St.  Dunstan  lived 


Canto  m.]  HUDIBRAS.  277 

Others  with  characters  and  words 

Catch  'em,  as  men  in  nets  do  birds  ;*  C20 

And  some  with  symbols,  signs,  and  tricks, 

Engrav'd  in  planetary  nicks, t 

With  their  own  influences  will  fetch  'em 

Down  from  their  orbs,  arrest,  and  catch  'era  ;t 

Make  'em  depose,  and  answer  to  625 

Al!  questions,  e'er  they  let  them  go. 

Bombastus  kept  a  devil's  bird 

Shut  in  the  pummel  of  his  sword, § 

That  taught  him  all  the  cunning  pranks 

Of  past  and  future  mountebanks.  6.3(1 

Kelly  did  all  his  feats  upon 

The  devil's  looking  glass,  a  stone,  |1 

in  the  tenth  century:  was  a  great  admirer  and  proficient  in  the 
polite  arts,  particularly  painting  and  sculpture.  As  lie  was  very 
attentively  in  his  cell  engraving  a  gold  cup,  the  devil  tempted 
him  in  the  shape  of  a  heautiful  woman.  The  saint,  perceiving 
In  the  spirit  who  it  was.  took  up  a  red  hot  pair  of  tongs,  and 
catching  hold  of  the  devil  by  the  nose,  made  him  howl  in  such 
a  terrible  manner  as  to  be  heard  all  over  the  neighborliood. 

*  By  repetition  of  magical  sounds  and  words,  properly  called 
enchantments. 

t  By  figures  and  signatures  described  according  to  astrological 
symmetry  ;  that  is,  certain  conjunctions  or  oppositions  with  the 
planets  and  aspects  of  the  stars. 

J  Carmina  vel  cfelo  possunt  deducere  lunam. 

§  Bombastus  de  Hohenheim,  called  also  Aurelius  Philippus, 
and  Theophrastus,  but  more  generally  known  by  the  name  of 
Paracelsus,  was  son  of  William  Hohenheim,  and  author,  or  rath- 
er restorer,  of  chymical  pharmacy.  He  ventured  upon  a  free 
administering  of  mercury  and  laudanum;  and  performed  cures, 
which,  in  those  days  of  ignorance,  were  deemed  supernatural. 
He  entertained  some  whimsical  notions  concerning  the  antedilu- 
vian form  of  man,  and  man's  generation.  Mr.  Butler's  note  on 
this  passage  is  in  the  following  words:  "Paracelsus  is  said  to 
"  have  kept  a  small  devil  prisoner  in  the  pummel  of  his  sword; 
"which  was  the  reason,  perhaps,  why  he  was  so  valiant  in  his 
"drink.  However,  it  was  to  better  purpose  than  Hannibal  carried 
''poison  in  his  sword,  to  dispatch  himself  if  he  should  happen  to 
"  be  sunrised  in  any  great  extremity :  for  the  sword  would  have 
"djr.'j  the  feat  alone  much  better  and  more  soldier-like.  And  it 
"was  below  the  honor  of  so  great  a  commander  to  go  out  of  the 
"world  like  a  rat." 

11  Dr.  Dee  had  a  stone,  which  he  called  his  angelical  stone, 
pretending  that  it  was  brought  to  him  by  an  angel :  and  "  by  a 
"spirit  it  was,  sure  enough,"  says  Dr.  M.  Casaiibon.  We  find 
Dee  himself  telling  the  emperor  "  that  the  angels  of  God  had 
"brought  to  him  a  stone  of  that  value,  that  no  earthly  kingdom 
"is  of  that  worthiness,  as  to  be  compared  to  the  virtue  or  dignt 
" ty  thereof."*  It  was  large,  round,  and  very  transparent;  and 
persons  who  were  qualified  fbr  the  sight  of  it,  were  to  perceive 
various  shapes  and  figures,  either  represented  in  it  as  in  a  look- 

*  See  Casaubon'3  relation  of  what  passci  between  Dr.  Dee  and  some  spiriu 
]>riDted  at  London,  1G59. 


278  HUDIbRAS.  [Part  n 

Whoio,  playing  with  him  at  bo-peep, 

He  solv'd  all  problems  ne'er  so  deep. 

Agrippa  kept  a  Stygian  pug,  635 

I'  th'  garb  and  habit  of  a  dog,* 

ing-glass,  or  standing  upon  it  as  on  a  pedestal.  This  stone  is  now 
in  the  possession  of  the  very  learned  and  ingenious  earl  of  Or- 
ford,  at  Strawberry-hill.*  It  appears  to  be  a  volcanic  produc- 
tion, of  the  species  vulgarly  called  the  black  Iceland  agate, 
which  is  a  perfectly  vitrified  lava ;  and  according  to  Bergman's 
analysis,  contains  of  siliceous  earth  sixty-nine  parts  in  a  hun- 
dred; argillaceous  twenty-two  parts  and  martial  nine.  See  Berg. 
Opusc.  vol.  iii.  p.  240,  and  Letlers  from  Iceland,  lett.  25.  The  la- 
pis obsidianus  of  the  ancients  is  supposed  to  have  been  of  this 
species  :  a  stone,  according  to  Pliny,  "quern  in  .^Ethiopia  invenit 
''  Obsidius,  nigerrimi  coloris  aliquanJo  et  translucidi,  crassiore 
"  visu,  atque  in  speculis  parietum  pro  imagine  umbras  reddente." 
Plin.  Nat.  Hist.  lib.  x.xxvi.  cap.  20.  The  same  kind  of  stone  is 
found  also  in  South  America ;  and  called  by  the  Spaniards, 
from  its  color,  piedra  de  gallinaco.  The  poet  might  term  it  the 
devil's  looking-glass,  from  the  use  which  Dee  and  Kelly  made 
of  it ;  and  because  It  has  been  the  common  practice  of  conjurers 
to  answer  the  inquiries  of  persons,  by  representations  shown 
to  them  in  a  looking-glass.  Dr.  M.  Casaubon  quotes  a  passage 
to  this  purpose  from  a  manuscript  of  Roger  Bacon,  inscribed  De 
dictis  et  factis  falsorum  mathematicorum  et  da^monum.  "  The 
"demons  sometimes  appear  to  them  really, sometimes imaginari- 
"  ly  in  basins  and  polished  things,  and  shew  them  whatever 
"  they  desire.  Boys,  looking  upon  these  surfaces,  see  by  imagi- 
"  nation,  things  that  have  been  stolen ;  to  what  places  they  have 
"  been  carried ;  what  persons  took  them  away :  and  the  like." 
In  the  proemium  of  Joach.  Canierarius  to  Plutarch  De  Oraculis, 
we  are  told  that  a  gentleman  of  Nurimberg  had  a  crystal  which 
had  this  singuUirvirtue,  viz.,  if  any  one  desired  to  know  anything 
past  or  future,  let  a  young  man,  castum,  or  who  was  not  of  age, 
look  into  it;  he  would  first  see  a  man,  so  and  so  apparelled,  and 
afterwards  what  he  desired.  We  meet  with  a  similar  story  in 
Heylin's  History  of  the  Reformation,  part  iii.  The  earl  of  Hert- 
ford, brother  to  queen  Jane  Seymour,  having  formerly  been  em- 
ployed in  France,  acquainted  himself  there  with  a  learned  man, 
who  was  supposed  to  have  great  skill  in  magic.  To  this  person, 
by  rewards  and  importunities,  he  applied  for  information  concern- 
ing his  affairs  at  home  ;  and  his  impertinent  curiosity  was  so  far 
gratified,  that  by  the  help  of  some  magical  perspeciive,  he  beheld 
a  gentleman  in  a  more  familiar  posture  with  his  wife  than  was 
consistent  with  the  honor  of  either  party.  To  this  diabolical 
Illusion  he  is  said  to  have  given  so  much  credit,  that  he  not  only 
estranged  himself  from  her  society  at  his  return,  but  furnished  a 
second  wife  with  an  excellent  reason  for  urging  the  disin- 
herison of  his  former  children.  The  ancients  had  also  the 
AtdoiiavTtia. 

*  "  As  Paracelsus  had  a  devil  confined  in  the  pummel  of  his 
"sword,  so  Agrippa  had  one  tied  to  his  dog's  collar,"  says  Eras- 
tus.  It  is  probable  that  the  collar  had  some  strange  unintelligi- 
ble characters  engraven  upon  it.    Mr.  Butler  hath  a  note  on 

*  The  authenticity  ant  identity  of  this  stone  cantiot  be  doubted,  as  its  de- 
ef:ent  is  more  clearly  proved  tlian  that  of  Agamemnon's  sceptre.  It  wa« 
■pccified  in  the  catalogue  of  the  earl  of  Peterborough,  at  Drayton*  thence 
fell  to  lady  Betty  Germaine,  who  ^ave  it  to  the  Duke  of  Ar^yle,  and  his  son 
iord  Frederick  Campbell  to  lord  Orford. 


Canto  hi.]  HUDIBRAS.  379 

That  was  his  tutor,  and  the  cur 

Read  to  th'  occult  philosopher,* 

And  taught  him  subt'ly  to  maintain 

All  other  sciences  are  vain.t  640 

To  this,  quoth  Sidrophello,  Sir, 
Agrippa  was  no  conjurer, t 
Nor  Paracelsus,  no,  nor  Behmen  ; 
Nor  was  the  dog  a  caco-daemon, 
But  a  true  dog  that  would  shew  tricks  64J 

For  th'  emp'ror,  and  leap  o'er  sticks  ; 
Would  fetch  and  carry,  was  more  civil 
Than  other  dogs,  but  yet  no  devil ; 
And  whatsoe'er  he's  said  to  do. 

He  went  the  self-same  way  we  go.  650 

As  for  the  Rosy-cross  philosophers, 
Whom  you  will  have  to  be  but  sorcerers, 
What  they  pretend  to  is  no  more 
Than  Trismegistus  did  before, § 
Pythagoras,  old  Zoroaster,  ||  655 


these  lines  in  the  following  words :  "  Cornelius  Agripja  had  a 
''  dog  that  was  suspected  to  be  a  spirit,  for  some  tricks  he  was 
"wont  to  do  beyond  the  capacity  of  a  dog.  But  the  author  of 
"  Magia  Adamica  has  talien  a  great  deal  of  pains  to  vindicate 
"botli  the  doctor  and  the  dog  from  that  aspersion;  in  which 
"he  has  shown  a  very  great  respect  and  kindness  for  them 
"  both." 

*  A  book  entitled,  De  Occultii  Philosophia,  was  ascribed  to 
Agrippa,  and  from  thence  he  was  called  the  occult  philosopher. 

t  Bishop  Warburtou  says,  nothing  can  be  more  pleasant 
than  this  turn  given  to  Agrippa's  silly  book  De  Vanitate  Scien- 
tiarum. 

t  A  subject  of  much  disputation.  Faulus  Jovius,  and  others 
maintain  that  he  was.  Wierus  and  Monsieur  Naud6  endeavor 
to  vindicate  him  from  the  charge  :  Apologie  pour  les  grands 
hommes  accuses  de  magie.  Perhaps  we  may  best  apologize  for 
Agrippa,  by  saying,  that  he  was  not  the  author  of  every  book 
which  has  been  attributed  to  him.    See  Canto  i.  line  540. 

$  The  Egyptian  Tholh  or  Tout,  called  Hermes  by  the  Greeks, 
and  Mercury  by  the  Latins,  from  whom  the  chymists  pretend  to 
have  derived  their  art,  is  supposed  to  have  lived  soon  after  the 
time  of  Moses,  and  to  have  made  improvements  in  every  branch 
of  learning.  "  Tholh,"  says  Lactantius,  "  antiquissimus  et  in- 
"  structissimus  omni  aenere  doctrincc,  adeo  ut  ei  multarum  rerum 
"  et  artium  scientia.  Trismegisto  cognomen  iniponeret."  B.  i.  cap. 
6.  The  Egyptians  anciently  engraved  their  laws  and  discoveries 
in  science  upon  columns,  which  were  deposited  in  the  colleges 
of  the  priests.  The  column  in  Iheir  language  was  termed  Thoth. 
And  in  a  country  where  almost  every  thing  became  an  ol)je(|l; 
of  worship,  it  is  no  wonder  that  the  sacred  column  should  be 
personified,  and  that  Thoth  should  be  revered  as  the  inventor  or 
great  promoter  of  learning. 

II  Pythagoras,  a  Greek  philosopher,  flourished  about  the  sixth 
Br  seventh  century  before  Christ.  He  was  the  scholar  of  Thales : 


280  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  k 

And  AppoUonius  their  master,* 
To  whom  they  do  confess  they  owe 
All  that  they  do,  and  all  they  know. 

Quoth  Hudibras,  Alas  !  what  is't  t'  us 
Whether  'twas  said  by  Trisinegistus,  G6Q 

If  it  be  nonsense,  false,  or  mystic, 
Or  not  intelligible,  or  sophistic  ? 
'Tis  not  antiquity,  nor  author, 
That  makes  truth  truth,  altho'  time's  daughter  ;t 
'Twas  he  that  put  her  in  the  pit,  065 


and  travelled  forty  years  in  Egypt,  Chaldea,  and  other  parts  of 
the  East,  veliit  p<Bdo  literaruni,  for  the  sake  of  improvement. 
See  Diog.  Laert.  He  was  initiated  into  all  their  mysteries.  At 
last  he  settled  in  Italy,  and  founded  the  Italic  sect.  He  common- 
ly expressed  himself  by  symbols.  Many  incredible  stories  are 
reported  of  him  by  Laertias,  Jamblicus,  and  others.  Old  Zo- 
roaster, so  old  that  authors  know  not  when  he  lived.  Some 
make  him  cotemporary  with  Abraham.  Others  place  him  five 
thousand  years  before  the  Trojan  war.  Justin  says  of  him, 
"Postremum  illi  (Nino)  bellum  cum  Zoroastre,  rege  Bactriano- 
"  rum  fuit,  qui  primus  dicitur  artes  magicas  invenisse,  et  mundi 
"principia,  siderumque  motus  diligentissime  spectasse."  Lib 
i.  cap.  1. 

*  AppoUonius,  of  Tyana,  lived  in  the  time  of  Domitian.  He 
embraced  the  doctrines  of  Pythagoras:  travelled  far  both  east 
and  west;  everywhere  spent  much  of  his  time  in  the  temples; 
was  a  critical  inspector  of  the  pagan  worship;  and  set  himself 
to  reform  and  purify  their  ritual.  He  was  much  averse  to  ani- 
mal sacrifices,  and  condemned  the  exhibitions  of  gladiators. 
Many  improbable  wonders  are  related  of  him  by  Philostralus; 
and  more  are  added  by  subsequent  writers.  According  to  these 
accounts  he  raised  the  dead,  rendered  himself  invisible,*  was 
seen  at  Rome  and  Puteoli  on  the  same  day  ;  and  proclaimed  at 
Ephesus  the  murder  of  Domitian  at  the  very  instant  of  its  perpetra- 
tion at  Rome.  This  last  fact  is  attested  by  DioCassius  the  consular 
historian  ;  who  with  the  most  vehement  asseverations,  aflirms 
It  to  be  certainly  true,  though  it  should  be  denied  a  thousand 
times  over.  Yet  the  same  Dio  elsewhere  calls  him  a  cheat  and 
impostor.  Dio  Ixviii.  ult.  et  Ixxvii.  18.  For  an  account  of  the 
difference  of  the  rj?jr£('a,  Mayua,  'ia.ptiaKtia,  three  of  the  prin- 
cipal ancient  superstitions  brought  Irom  Persia,  see  Suidas  in 
vocem  VoriTda.    Their  master,  i.  e.  master  of  the  Rosicrucians. 

t  The  knight  argues  that  opinions  are  not  always  to  be  re- 
ceived on  the  authority  of  a  great  name  ;  nor  does  the  antiauity 
of  an  opinion  ever  constitute  the  truth  of  it,  though  time  will 
often  give  stability  to  truth,  and  foster  it  as  a  legitimate  offspring. 
Yet  perhaps  there  is  many  a  learned  character  to  which  the  lines 
of  Horace  are  applicable  : 

Qui  redit  in  fastos,  et  virtutem  ajstimat  annis  ; 
Miraturque  nihil,  nisi  quod  Libitina  sacravit. 

Epist.  lib.  ii.  ep.  i.  48. 

*  The  heathens  were  fond  of  comparing  these  feats  with  tha  mirsclea  a 
Jetua  CliL'ist. 


Canto  hi.]  HUDIBRAS.  281. 

Before  he  pull'd  her  out  of  it  ;* 

And  as  he  eats  his  sons,  just  so 

He  feeds  upon  his  daughters  too.t 

Nor  does  it  follow,  'cause  a  herald 

Can  make  a  gentleman,  scarce  a  year  old,{  670 

To  be  descended  of  a  race 

Of  ancient  kings  in  a  small  space, 

That  we  should  all  opinions  hold 

Authentic,  that  we  can  make  old. 

Quoth  Sidrophel,  It  is  no  part  675 

Of  prudence  to  cry  down  an  art. 
And  what  it  may  perform,  deny, 
Because  you  underetand  not  why  ; 
As  Averrhois  play'd  but  a  mean  trick, 
To  damn  our  whole  art  for  eccentrick,§  680 


*  Time  brings  many  truths  to  light:  according  to  Horace, 
Epist.  lib.  i.  ep.  vi.  24 : 

Qiiicqnid  sub  terra  est  in  apricum  proferet  letas. 

But  time  often  involves  subjects  in  perplexity,  and  occasions 
those  very  ditf.ciilties  which  afterwards  it  helps  to  remove. 
"  Veritatem  in  puteo  latentem  non  inconcinne  tinxit  antii]uitas." 
Cicero  employs  a  saying  of  Democritus  to  this  purpose,  Academ. 
Quccst.  I.  12,  "angustos  sensus,  imbecillos  animos,  brevia  curri- 
"  cula  vitae,  et  ut  Democritus,  in  profundo  veritatem  esse  demer- 
"  sam."  Again  in  Liicullo  :  "  Natiiram  accusa,  qus  in  profundo 
"veritatem,  ut  ait  Democritus,  penitus  abstruserit."  Bishop 
Warburton  observes,  that  the  satire  contained  in  these  lines  of 
our  author  is  fine  and  just.  Cleanthes  said,  "  that  truth  was  hid 
'•  in  a  pit."  "  Yes,"  answers  the  poet ;  "  but  you  Greek  philoso- 
"  phers  were  the  first  that  put  her  in  there,  and  then  claimed  so 
"  much  merit  to  yourselves  for  drawing  her  out."  The  first  Greek 
philosophers  greatly  obscured  truth  by  their  endless  speculations, 
and  it  was  business  enough  for  the  industry  and  talents  of  their 
successors  to  clear  matters  up. 

t  If  truth  is  "  time's  daughter,"  yet  Saturn,  Xp6vos,  or  Time, 
may  be  never  the  kinder  to  her  on  that  account.  For  as  poets 
feign  that  Saturn  eats  his  sons,  so  he  feeds  upon  his  daughters. 
He  devours  truths  as  well  as  years,  and  buries  them  in  oblivion. 

t  In  all  civil  wars  the  order  of  things  is  subverted ;  the  poor 
become  rich,  and  the  rich  poor.  And  they  who  suddenly  gain 
riches  must  in  the  next  place  be  furnished  with  an  honorable 
pedigree.  Many  instances  of  this  kind  are  preserved  in  Walk- 
er's History  of  Independency,  Bate's  Lives  of  the  Regicides,  &c. 

§  Averroes  flourished  in  the  twelfth  century.  He  was  a  great 
critic,  lawyer,  and  physician  ;  and  one  of  the  most  subtle  phi- 
losophers that  ever  appeared  among  the  Arabians.  He  wrote  a 
commentary  upon  Aristotle,  from  whence  he  obtained  the  sur- 
name of  commentator.  He  much  disliked  the  epicycles  and 
eccentrics  which  Ptolemy  had  introduced  into  his  system  ;  they 
seemed  so  absurd  to  him,  that  they  gave  him  a  disgust  to  the 
science  of  astronomy  in  general.  He  does  not  seem  to  have 
formed  a  more  favorable  opinion  of  astrology.  Here  likewiso 
was  too  much  eccentricity :  and  he  condemned  the  art  as  use- 
less and  fallacious,  having  no  foundation  of  truth  or  certainty. 


282  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  n. 

For  who  knows  all  that  knowledge  contains  ? 

Men  dwell  not  on  the  tops  of  mountains, 

But  on  their  sides,  or  risings  seat ; 

So  'tis  with  knowledge's  vast  height. 

Do  not  the  liist'ries  of  all  ages  685 

Relate  miraculous  presages 

Of  strange  turns,  in  the  world's  affairs, 

Foreseen  b'  astrologers,  sooth-sayers, 

Chaldeans,  learned  Genothliacs,* 

And  some  that  have  writ  almanacs  ?  690 

The  Median  emp'ror  dream'd  his  daughter 

Had  pist  all  Asia  under  water,t 

And  that  a  vine,  sprung  from  her  haunches, 

O'erspread  his  empire  with  its  branches  ; 

And  did  not  soothsayers  expound  it,  695 

As  after  by  th'  event  he  found  it  ? 

When  Ceesar  in  the  senate  fell. 

Did  not  the  sun  eclips'd  foretell, t 

And  in  resentment  of  his  slaughter, 

Look'd  pale  for  almost  a  year  after  ?  700 

Augustus  having,  b'  oversight, 

Put  on  his  left  shoe  'fore  his  right,§ 

Had  like  to  have  been  slain  that  day, 

By  soldiers  mutiu'ing  for  pay. 

Are  there  not  myriads  of  this  sort,  705 

Which  stories  of  all  times  report  ? 

Is  it  not  ominous  in  all  countries. 


*  Genethliaci,  termed  also  Chaldjei,  were  soothsayers,  who 
undertook  to  foretell  the  fortunes  of  men  from  circumstances  at- 
tending their  births.    Casters  of  nativity. 

t  Aslyages,  king  of  Media,  had  this  dream  of  his  daughter 
Mandane  ;  and  being  alarmed  at  the  interpretation  of  it  which 
was  given  by  the  magi,  he  married  her  to  Cambyses,  a  Persian 
of  mean  quality.  Her  son  was  Cyrus,  who  fuUilled  the  dream 
by  the  conquest  of  Asia.     See  Herodotus,  i.  107,  and  Justin. 

i  The  prodigies  which  are  said  to  have  been  noticed  before 
the  death  of  Cssar,  are  mentioned  by  several  of  the  classics, 
Virgil,  Ovid,  Plutarch,  &c.  But  the  poet  alludes  to  what  is  re- 
lated by  Pliny  in  his  Natural  History,  ii.  30,  "fiunt  prodigiosi,  et 
"  longiores  soils  defectus,  quails  occiso  Ca:sare  dictatore,  et  An- 
"  toniano  bello,  totius  pene  anni  pallore  continuo." 

§  An  excellent  banter  upon  omens  and  prodigies.  PMnygives 
this  account  in  his  second  book  :  "Divus  Augustus  htvum  prodi- 
"dit  sibicalceum  proepostere  inductuiii,  quo  die  seditionemilitari 
"  prope  adflictus  est."  And  Suetonius,  in  Augusti  Vita,  sect.  92, 
says  :  "  (Augustus)  auspicia  quaedam  et  oniina  pro  certissimis 
"observabat,  si  mane  sibi  calceus  porperam,  ac  sinister  pro  dex- 
"  tro  induceretur,  ut  dirum."  Charles  the  First  is  said  to  have 
been  much  alfected  by  some  omens  of  this  kind,  such  as  the 
sortes  Virgiliana?,  observations  on  his  bust  made  by  Bernitii,  and 
im  his  picture. 


Canto  in.]  HUDIBRAS.  283 

When  crows  and  ravens  croak  upon  trees  ? 
The  Roman  senate,  when  within 
The  city  walls  an  owl  was  seen,*  710 

Did  cause  their  clergy,  with  lustrations, 
Our  synod  calls  humiliations, 
The  rouud-fac'd  prodigy  t'  avert, 
From  doing  town  or  country  hurt. 
And  if  an  owl  have  so  much  pow'r,  715 

Why  should  not  planets  have  much  more. 
That  in  a  region  far  above 
Inferior  fowls  of  the  air  move. 
And  should  see  further,  and  foreknow 
More  than  their  augury  below  ?  720 

Tho'  that  once  serv'd  the  polity 
Of  mighty  states  to  govern  by  ;i" 
And  this  is  what  we  take  in  hand, 
By  pow'rful  art,  to  understand  ; 

Which,  how  we  have  perform'd,  all  ages  725 

Can  speak  th'  events  of  our  presages. 
Have  we  not  lately  in  tho  moon, 
Found  a  new  world,  to  th'  old  unknown  ? 
Discover'd  sea  and  land,  Columbus 
And  Magellan  could  never  compass?  730 

Made  mountains  with  our  tubes  appear. 
And  cattle  grazing  on  them  there  ? 
Quoth  Hudibras,  You  lie  so  ope, 
That  I,  without  a  telescope. 

Can  find  your  tricks  out,  and  descry  735 

Where  you  tell  truth,  and  where  you  lie  : 
For  Anaxagoras  long  agone. 
Saw  hills,  as  well  as  you,  i'  th'  moon,t 


*  Anno  ante  Christum  97,  buhone  in  urbe  vise,  urbs  histrata. 
Bubone  in  capitolio  supra  deoruni  simulacra  viso,  cunj  piaretur, 
taunis  vicllma  exanimis  concidit.  Julius  Obsequens,  No.  44-45, 
et  Lycosthenes,  pp.  194,  195. 

t  It  appears  from  many  passages  of  Cicero,  and  other  authors, 
that  the  determinations  of  the  augurs,  aruspices,  and  the  sybil 
line  books,  were  conunonly  contrived  to  promote  the  end*  of 
government,  or  to  serve  the  purposes  of  the  chief  managers  in 
the  commonwealth. 

t  See  Burnet's  Archa^olog.  cap.  x.  p.  144.  Anaxagoras  of 
Clazomene,  was  the  first  of  the  Ionic  philosopliers  who  main- 
tained tlmt  the  several  parts  of  llie  universe  were  the  works  of 
a  supreme  intelligent  being,  and  consequently  did  not  allow  the 
sun  and  moon  to  be  gods.  On  this  account  he  was  accused  of 
impiety,  and  thrown  into  prison  ;  but  released  by  Pericles.  Plu- 
tarch in  Nicia:  "Are  they  not  dreams  of  human  vanity,"  says 
Montaigne,  "  to  make  the  moon  a  celestial  earth,  there  to  fancy 
"mountains  and  vales  as  Anaxagoras  did."  And  see  Plutarch 
de  Placitis  philosophorum,  I'iog.  Laert.  and  Plato  de  legibus.   The 


284  HL£)IBRAS.  [Part  n. 

And  held  the  sun  was  but  a  piece 

Of  red  hot  iron  as  big  as  Greece  ;*  740 

Believ'd  the  heav'ns  were  made  of  stone, 

Because  the  sun  had  voided  one  ;1 

And,  rather  than  he  would  recant 

Til'  opinion,  sufFer'd  banishment. 

But  what,  alas  !  is  it  to  us,  745 

Whether  i'  th'  moon,  men  thus  or  thus 
Do  eat  their  porridge,  cut  their  corns, 
Or  whether  they  have  tails  or  horns? 
What  trade  from  thence  can  you  advance, 
But  what  we  nearer  have  from  France  ?  750 

What  can  our  travellers  bring  home, 
That  is  not  to  be  learnt  at  Rome  ? 
What  politics,  or  strange  opinions, 
That  are  not  in  our  own  dominions  ? 
What  science  can  be  brought  from  thence,  753 

In  which  we  do  not  hero  commence  ? 
What  revelations,  or  religions. 
That  are  not  in  our  native  regions  7 
Are  sweating-lanterns,  or  screen-fans,t 


poet  might  probably  have  Bishop  Wilkins  in  view,  who  main- 
tiined  that  the  moon  was  an  habitable  world,  and  proposed 
schemes  for  flying  there. 

Speaking  of  .Anaxagnns,  Monsiexir  Chevreau  saya :  "We 
"may  easily  excuse  the  ill  humour  of  one  who  was  seldom  of 
"  the  opinion  of  others  :  who  maintained  that  snow  was  black, 
"because  it  was  made  of  water,  which  is  black  ;  who  took  the 
"heavens  to  be  an  arch  of  stone,  which  rolled  about  continual- 
"ly;  and  the  moon  a  piece  of  inflamed  earth;  and  the  sun 
"  (which  is  aliout  4'M  times  bigger  than  the  earth)  for  a  plate  of 
"red-hot  steel,  of  the  bigness  of  Peloponnesus." 

*  [06ro;  eXeyi:  tuv  rjXiov  fivSpov  civai  iidnvpov,  Kal  fifi^w  Ttjl 
llcXoTtovvijCov.  Diog.  Laert.  1.  ii.  §  8.] 

In  Mr.  Butler's  Remains  we  read  : 

For  th'  ancients  only  took  it  for  a  piece 
Of  red  hot  iron,  as  big  as  Peloponese. 

Rndis  antiquitas,  Homerum  secuta,  coelum  credidit  esse  fer- 
reum.  Sed  Homerus  a  coloris  similitudine  fcrreum  dixit,  non  a 
pondere. 

t  Anaxagoras  had  foretold  that  a  large  stone  would  full  from 
heaven,  and  it  was  supposed  afterwards  to  have  been  found  near 
the  river  ^gos,  Laert.  ii.  10,  and  Plutarch  in  Lysandro,  who  dis- 
cusses the  matter  at  length.  Mr  Costard  explains  this  prediction 
to  mean  the  approach  of  a  comet;  and  we  learn  from  the  testi- 
mony of  Aristotle,  and  others,  that  a  comet  appeared  at  that 
juncture,  Olymp.  Ixxviii.  2.  See  Aristot.  Meteor.  The  fall  of 
the  stone  is  recorded  in  the  Arundel  marbles. 

t  These  lanterns,  as  the  poet  calls  them,  were  boxes,  wherein 
the  whole  body  was  placed,  together  with  ei  lamp.  They  were 
used,  by  qnacks,  in  the  ventireal  disease,  or  to  bring  on  perspira- 


Canto  hi.]  HUDIBRAS.  285 

Made  better  there  than  they're  in  France  ?  76C 

Or  do  they  teach  to  sing  and  play 

O'  th'  guitar  there  a  newer  way  ? 

Can  they  make  plays  there,  that  shall  fit 

The  public  humour  with  less  wit  ? 

Write  wittier  dances,  quainter  shows,  765 

Or  fight  with  more  ingenious  blows? 

Or  does  the  man  i'  th'  moon  look  big, 

And  wear  a  huger  periwig, 

Shew  in  his  gait,  or  face,  more  tricks 

Than  our  own  native  lunaticks  ?*  770 

But,  if  w'  outdo  him  here  at  home. 

What  good  of  your  design  can  come  ? 

As  wind,  i'  th'  hypocondres  pent,t 

Is  but  a  blast,  if  downward  sent ; 

But  if  it  upward  chance  to  fly,  775 

Becomes  new  light  and  prophecy  ;t 

So  when  our  speculations  tend 

Above  their  just  and  useful  end, 

Altho'  they  promise  strange  and  great 

Discoveries  of  things  far  fet,  780 

They  are  but  idle  dreams  and  fancies, 

And  savor  strongly  of  the  ganzas.§ 


tion.  See  Swift's  Works,  vol.  vi.  Pethox  the  Great,  v.  56. 
Hawkesvvorth's  edition.  Screen  fans  are  used  to  shade  the 
eyes  from  the  fire,  and  commonly  hang  by  the  side  of  the  chim- 
ney ;  sometimes  ladies  carried  them  along  with  thenl :  they 
were  made  of  leather,  or  paper,  or  feathers.  I  have  a  picture 
of  Miss  Ireton,  who  married  Richard  Walsh,  of  Abberley,  in 
Worcestershire,  with  a  curious  feathered  fan  in  her  hand. 

*  These  and  the  foregoing  lines  were  a  satire  upon  the  gait, 
dress,  and  carriage  of  the  fops  and  beaux  of  those  days. 

t  In  the  belly,  under  the  short  ribs.  These  lines  are  thus 
turned  into  Latin  by  Dr.  Harmer : 

Sic  hypocondriacis  inclusa  meatibus  aura 
Desinet  in  crepitum,  si  fertur  prona  per  alvtim  ; 
Sed  si  summa  peiat,  mentisqiie  invaserit  arcem 
Divinus  furor  est,  et  conscia  fiamma  futuri. 

t  New  light  was  the  phrase  at  that  time  for  any  new  opinion 
in  religion,  a.t.i  is  frequently  alluded  to  by  our  poet ;  the  phrase, 
I  am  told,  prevails  still  in  New  England,  as  it  does  now  in  the 
north  of  Ireland,  where  the  dissenters  are  chiefly  divided  Into 
two  sects,  usually  styled  the  old  and  the  new  lights.  The  old 
liglits  are  such  as  rigidly  adhere  to  the  old  Calvinistic  doctrine  ; 
and  the  new  lights  are  those  who  have  adopted  the  more  mod- 
ern latitudinarian  opinions  :  these  are  frequently  averse  and 
hostile  to  each  other,  as  their  predecessors  the  Presbyterians  and 
Independents  were  in  the  time  of  Butler. 

$  Godwin,  afterwards  bishop  of  Hereford,  ivrote  in  his  youth 
a  kind  of  astronomical  romance,  under  the  feigned  name  of  a 
Spaniard,  Domingo  Gonzales,  and  entitled  it  the  Man  iu  the 


286  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  xk 

Tell  me  but  what's  the  natural  cause 

Why  on  a  sign  no  painter  draws 

The  full  moon  ever,  but  the  half?  785 

Resolve  that  with  your  Jacob's  staff;* 

Or  why  wolves  raise  a  hubbub  at  her, 

And  dogs  howl  when  she  shines  in  water  ? 

And  I  shall  freely  give  my  vote. 

You  may  know  something  more  remote.  700 

At  this,  deep  Sidrophcl  look'd  wise, 
And  staring  round  with  owl-like  eyes, 
He  put  his  face  into  a  posture 
Of  sapience,  and  began  to  bluster  : 
For  having  three  times  shook  his  head  795 

To  stir  his  wit  up,  thus  he  said  : 
Art  has  no  mortal  enemies, 
Next  ignorance,  but  owls  and  geese  :t 
Those  consecrated  geese,  in  orders, 
That  to  the  capitol  were  warders, t  800 

And  being  then  upon  patrol. 
With  noise  alone  beat  off  the  Gaul  ; 
Or  those  Athenian  sceptic  owls. 
That  will  not  credit  their  own  souls,§ 


Moon,  or  a  Discourse  on  a  Voyage  thither.  It  gives  an  account 
of  his  being  drawn  up  to  the  moon  in  a  light  vehicle,  by  certain 
birds  called  ganzas.  And  the  knight  censures  the  pretensions 
of  Sidrophel,  by  comparing  them  with  this  wild  expedition.  The 
poet  likewise  might  intend  to  banter  some  projects  of  the  learned 
Bishop  VVilkins,  one  of  the  first  promoters  of  the  Royal  Society. 
At  this  institution  and  its  favorers,  many  a  writer  of  that  day 
has  shot  his  bolt — telum  imbelle  sine  ictu. 

*  A  mathematical  instrument  for  taking  the  heights  and  dis- 
tances of  stars. 

t  "  Et  quod  vulgo  aiunt,  artem  non  habere  inimicum  nisi  ig- 
norantem."  Sprat  thought  it  necessary  to  write  many  pages  to 
show  that  natural  philosophy  was  not  likely  to  subvert  our  gov- 
ernment, or  our  religicn  :  and  that  experimental  knowledge  had 
no  tendency  to  make  men  either  bad  subjects  or  bad  Christians. 
See  Sprat's  History  of  the  Royal  Society. 

i  Our  ancestors  called  the  garrison  of  a  castle  or  fortress  its 
warders ;  hence  our  word  guardian.  Lands  lying  near  many  of 
the  old  castles  were  held  by  the  tenure  of  castle-ward,  the  pos- 
sessors being  obliged  to  find  so  many  men  for  the  ward  or  guard 
of  the  castle.  This  was  afterwards  commuted  into  pecuniary 
payments,  with  which  the  governors  hired  mercenary  soldiers  or 
warders  :  the  warders  of  the  Tower  of  London  still  preserve  .the 
old  appellation. 

^  Incredulous  persons.  He  calls  them  owls  on  account  of 
their  pretensions  <o  great  depth  of  learning,  the  owl  being  used 
as  an  emblem  of  wisdom  ;  and  Athenian,  because  that  bird  was 
sacred  to  Minerva,  the  protectress  of  Athens,  and  was  borne  oa 
the  standards  of  the  city.  Heralds  say,  noctua  signum  est  sapi- 
untiae  :  for  she  retires  in  the  day,  and  avoids  the  tumult  of  tha 


Canto  hi.]  HUDIBRAS.  287 

Or  any  science  understand,  805 

Beyond  the  reach  of  eye  or  hand  ; 

But  measuring  all  things  by  their  own 

Knowledge,  hold  nothing's  to  be  known  : 

Those  wholesale  critics,  that  in  cofFee- 

Houses  cry  down  all  philosophy,  810 

And  will  not  know  upon  what  ground 

In  nature  we  our  doctrine  found, 

Altho'  with  pregnant  evidence 

We  can  demonstrate  it  to  sense, 

As  I  just  now  have  done  to  you,  815 

Foretelling  what  you  came  to  know. 

Were  the  stars  only  made  to  light 

Robbers  and  burglarers  by  night  ?* 

To  wait  on  drunkards,  thieves,  gold-finders, 

And  lovers  solacing  behind  doors  ?  820 

Or  giving  one  another  pledges 

Of  matrimony  under  hedges  ? 

Or  witches  simpling,  and  on  gibbets 

Cutting  from  malefactors  snippets  ?t 

Or  from  the  pill'ry  tips  of  ears  825 

Of  rebel-saints  and  perjurers  ? 


world,  like  a  man  employed  in  study  and  contemplation.  Since 
the  owl,  however,  is  usually  considered  as  a  moping,  drowsy 
bird,  the  poet  intimates  that  the  knowledge  of  these  skeptics  is 
obscure,  confused,  and  indigested.  The  meaning  of  the  whole 
passage  is  this  : — There  are  two  sorts  of  men  who  are  great  ene- 
mies to  the  advancement  of  science.  The  first,  bigoted  divines, 
upon  hearing  of  any  new  discovery  in  nature,  apprehend  an  at- 
tack upon  religion,  and  proclaim  loudly  that  the  capitol,  i.  e.  the 
faith  of  the  church,  is  in  danger.  The  others  are  self-sufficient 
philosophers,  who  lay  down  arbitrary  principles,  and  rejectevery 
truth  which  does  not  coincide  with  them. 

*  The  poets  thought  the  stars  were  not  made  only  to  light 
robbers.    See  the  beautiful  address  to  Hesperus  : 

"Kcnrcps,  ras  iparas  XP''°'£'"'  <pdos  'A0poy£V£iaf,  &c. 

Brunk.  vos 

OVK  ITTl  ^(i)pdv 

'Epxoiiai,  ov6'  iva  vvkto;  bSomopiovT'  {vox^>j<r<^, 
'AAA'  Ipdu),  &c. 

Bion.  ii.  392.    Brunk.  An.  vol.  i.    Mosch.  Idyl.  vii.  ac 

cording  to  the  O.xford  edit,  of  Bion  and  Moschus. 

E  typ.  Clar.  1748. 

Sidrophel  argues,  that  so  many  luminous  bodies  could  never 
have  been  constructed  for  the  sole  purpose  of  affording  a  little 
light,  in  the  absence  of  the  sun.  His  reasoning  does  not  con- 
tribute much  to  the  support  of  astrology  ;  but  it  seems  to  favor 
the  notion  of  a  plurality  of  worlds. 

t  Collecting  herbs,  and  other  requisites,  for  their  enchant- 
ments.   See  Shakspeare's  Macbeth,  Act.  iv. 


288  HUUIBRAS.  [Part  0 

Only  to  stand  by,  and  look  on, 

But  not  know  what  is  said  or  done  ? 

Is  there  a  constellation  there 

That  v/as  not  born  and  bred  up  here?*  fi3« 

And  therefore  cannot  be  to  learn 

In  any  inferior  concern? 

Were  they  not,  during  all  their  lives, 

Most  of  'em  pirates,  whores,  and  thieves  ? 

And  is  it  like  they  have  not  still,  835 

In  their  old  practices,  some  skill  ? 

Is  there  a  planet  that  by  birth 

Does  not  derive  its  house  from  earth  ? 

And  therefore  probably  must  know 

What  is,  and  hath  been  done  below  ?  840 

Who  made  the  Balance,  or  whence  came 

The  Bull,  the  Lion,  and  the  Ram  ? 

Did  not  we  here  the  Argo  rig. 

Make  Berenice's  periwig  ?t 

Whose  liv'ry  does  the  coachman  wear  ?  845 

Or  who  made  Cassiopeia's  chair  ? 

And  therefore,  as  they  came  from  hence, 

With  us  may  hold  intelligence. 

Plato  deny'd  the  world  can  be 

Govern'd  without  geometry ,t  850 

For  money  b'iug  the  common  scale 

Of  things  by  measure,  weight  and  tale, 

In  all  th'  affairs  of  church  and  state, 

'Tis  both  the  balance  and  the  weight : 

Then  much  less  can  it  be  without  855 

Divine  astrology  made  out, 

That  puts  the  other  down  in  worth, 

As  far  as  heaven's  above  earth. 

*  Astronomers,  both  ancient  and  modern,  have  divided  the 
heavens  into  certain  figures,  representing  animals  and  other  ob 
jects.  Eratosthenes,  the  scholiast  on  Aratus,  and  Julius  Ily- 
ginus,  mention  the  reasons  which  determined  men  to  tlie  choice 
of  these  particular  figures.  See  Sir  Isaac  Newton's  Chronology 
of  the  Greeks,  p.  83. 

t  The  constellation  called  coma  Bejenices.  Berenice,  the 
wife  of  Ptolemy  Euergetes,  king  of  Egypt,  in  consequence  of  a 
vow,  cut  off  and  dedicated  some  of  her  beautiful  hair  to  Venus, 
on  the  return  of  her  husband  from  a  military  expedition.  And 
Conon,  the  mathematician,  paid  her  a  handsome  compliment,  by 
forming  the  constellation  of  this  name.  Callimachus  wrote  a 
poem  to  celebrate  her  affection  and  piety :  a  translation  of  it  by 
Catullus  is  still  preserved  in  the  works  of  that  author. 

t  I'lato,  out  of  fondness  for  geometry,  has  employed  it  in  all 
his  systems.  lie  used  to  say  that  the  Deity  did  yetaiitTpeiv, 
play  the  geometrician ;  that  is,  do  every  thing  by  weight  and 
measure. 


Canto  m.]  HUDIBRAS.  289 

These  reasons,  quoth  the  Knight,  I  grant 
Are  something  more  significant  860 

Than  any  that  the  learned  use 
Upon  this  subject  to  produce  ; 
And  yet  they're  far  from  satisfactory, 
T'  establish  and  keep  up  your  factory 
Th'  Egyptians  say,  the  sun  has  twice*  864 

Shifted  his  setting  and  his  rise  ; 
Twice  has  he  risen  in  the  west. 
As  many  times  set  in  the  east ; 
But  whether  that  be  true  or  no. 

The  devil  any  of  you  know.  870 

Some  hold,  the  heavens,  like  a  top, 
Are  kept  by  circulation  up.t 
And  were  't  not  for  their  wheeling  round, 


*  The  Egyptian  priests  informed  Herodotus  that,  in  the  space 
of  11340  years,  the  sun  had  four  times  risen  and  set  out  of  its 
usual  course,  rising  twice  where  it  now  sets,  and  setting  twice 
where  it  now  rises — ep9a  re  vvv  KaraivcTat,  evdtvTcv  6(f  iirav- 
TtiXai'  Kai  evdev,  &c.  Herodotus,  Euterpe,  seu  lib.  ii.  142.  A 
learned  person  supposes  this  account  to  be  a  corrupt  tradition  of 
the  miraculous  stop,  or  recession  of  the  sun,  in  the  times  of 
Joshua  and  Hezekiah.  Others  suppose  that  what  the  priests 
told  him  for  a  chronical,  was  mistaken  by  Herodotus  for  an  as- 
tronomical phenomenon  ;  and  that  the  particulars,  which  he  has 
recorded  in  the  words  iv9a  and  cvQivtcv,  related  only  to  the  time 
of  the  day  or  year,  and  not  to  the  place  or  quarter  of  the  heav- 
ens. The  Egyptian  year  consisted  of  no  more  than  360  days; 
and  therefore  the  day  in  their  calendar,  which  was  once  the 
sunutier  solstice,  would  in  730  years  become  their  winter  solstice  ; 
and,  in  1461  years,  it  would  come  to  their  sunmier  solstice  again. 
This  Censorinus  tells  us  was  really  the  case.  So  that  the  four 
revolutions  would  happen  in  a  much  shorter  time  than  the  priests 
had  assigned  for  them.  Dr.  Long  e.\plodes  the  whole  for  an  idle 
story,  invented  by  the  Egyptians  to  support  their  vain  pretensions 
to  antiquity  ;  and  fit  to  pass  only  among  persons  who  have  no 
knowledge  of  astronomy.  InTdeed  no  others  would  believe  that 
the  cardinal  points  were  entirely  changed,  or  the  rotation  of  the 
sarth  inverted.  See  Spenser,  Fairy  Queen,  b.  v.  c.  i.  stanz.  i  7 
ind  8,  &c. 

And  if  to  those  Egyptian  wisards  old 

(Which  in  star  read  were  wont  have  best  insight) 

Faith  may  be  given,  it  is  by  them  told 

That  since  the  time  they  first  tooke  the  Sunnes  hight, 

Four  times  his  place  he  shifted  hath  in  sight, 

And  twice  hath  risen  where  he  now  doth  west, 

And  wested  twice  where  he  ought  rise  aright. 

t  It  is  mentioned  as  the  opinion  of  Anaxagoras,  that  the  whole 
heaven,  which  was  composed  of  stone,  was  kept  up  by  violent 
circum rotation,  but  would  fall  when  the  rapidity  of  that  motion 
should  be  remitted.  Some  do  Anaxagoras  the  honor  to  suppose, 
that  this  conceit  of  his  gave  the  first  hint  towards  the  modem 
explication  of  the  planetary  motions. 


290  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  n. 

They'd  instantly  fall  to  the  ground : 
•    As  sage  Empedocles  of  old,  875 

And  from  him  modern  authors  hold. 
Plato  believ'd  the  sun  and  moon 
Below  all  other  planets  run.* 
Some  Mercury,  some  Venus  seat 
Above  the  Sun  himself  in  height.  880 

The  learned  Scaliger  complain'd 
'Gainst  what  Copernicus  maintain'd,t 
That  in  twelve  hundred  years,  and  odd, 
The  Sun  had  left  his  ancient  road, 
And  nearer  to  the  Earth  is  come,  885 

'Bove  fifty  thousand  miles  from  home 
Swore  'twas  a  most  notorious  dam, 
And  he  that  had  so  little  shame 
To  vent  such  fopperies  abroad, 

Deserv'd  to  have  his  rump  well  claw'd :  890 

Which  Monsieur  Bodin  hearing,  swore, 
That  he  deserv'd  the  rod  much  more,1: 
That  durst  upon  a  truth  give  doom, 
He  knew  less  than  the  pope  of  Rome. 
Cardan  believ'd  great  states  depend  893 

Upon  the  tip  o'  th'  Bear's  tail's  end  ;§ 


*  The  knight  further  argues,  that  there  can  be  no  foundation 
of  truth  in  aslrolog;y,  since  the  learned  differ  so  much  about  the 
planets  themselves,  from  which  astrologers  chiefly  draw  their 
predictions.  "  Plato  solem  et  lunara  ceteris  planetis  inferiores 
esse  putavit." 

t  Copernicus  thought  that  the  eccentricity  of  the  sun,  or  the 
obliquity  of  the  ecliptic,  had  been  diminished  by  many  parts 
since  the  times  of  Ptolemy  and  Hipparchus.  On  which  Scaliger 
observed,  Copernici  scripta  spongiis,  vel  autoreni  scuticis  dignum 
— that  the  writings  of  Copernicus  deserved  a  sponge,  or  thbl""  au 
thor  a  rod.  • 

t  Bodin,  an  eminent  geographer  and  lawyer,  was  born  at  Aii, 
gers,  in  France,  and  died  of  the  plague  at  Laon,  1596,  aged  07. 
According  to  his  opinion,  it  has  been  clearly  proved  by  Coperni- 
cus, Reinholdus,  Stadius,  and  other  famous  mathematicians, 
that  the  circle  of  the  earth  has  approached  nearer  to  the  sun 
than  it  was  formerly. 

§  Cardan,  a  famous  physician  of  Milan,  was  born  at  Padua, 
1501.  He  conceived  the  influences  of  the  several  stars  to  be  ap 
propriated  to  particular  countries.  The  fate  of  the  greatest  king 
doms  in  Europe,  he  said,  was  determined  by  the  tail  of  Ursa  Ma 
;or.  This  great  astrologer  foretold  the  time  of  his  own  death 
But  when  the  appointed  day  drew  near,  he  found  himself  in  per 
feet  health,  at  the  seventy-fifth  year  of  his  age  ;  and  resolved  to 
starve  himself,  lest  he  should  bring  disgrace  on  his  favorite  sci- 
ence. Thuanus  gives  the  character  which  Scaliger  had  drawn 
of  him  :  in  certain  things  he  appeared  superior  to  human  under 
standing,  and  in  a  great  many  others  inferior  to  that  of  little  chil 
dren.    See  Bayle's  Dictionary,  Art.  Cardan. 


C&MTO  lu,]  HUDIBRAS.  291 

That  as  she  whisk'd  it  t' wards  the  Sun, 

Strow'a  mighty  empires  up  and  down ; 

Which  others  say  must  needs  be  false, 

Because  your  true  bears  have  no  tails.  900 

Some  say,  the  zodiac  constellations 

Have  long  since  chang'd  their  antique  stations* 

Above  a  sign,  and  prove  the  same 

In  Taurus  now,  once  in  the  Ram  ; 

AfFirm'd  the  Trigons  chopp'd  and  chang'd,  905 

The  wat'ry  with  the  fiery  rang'd  ;t 

Then  how  can  their  effects  still  hold 

To  be  the  same  they  were  of  old  ? 

This,  though  the  art  were  true,  would  make 

Our  modern  soothsayers  mistake, t  918 

And  is  one  cause  they  tell  more  lies. 

In  figures  and  nativities, 

Than  th'  old  Chaldean  conjurers. 

In  so  many  hundred  thousand  years  ;§ 

Beside  their  nonsense  in  translating,  915 

For  want  of  accidence  and  latin  ; 

Like  Idus  and  Calendae  englisht  » 

The  quarter  days,  by  skilful  linguist  ;|| 


*  The  knight,  still  further  to  lessen  the  credit  of  astrology,  ob- 
serves that  the  stars  have  suffered  a  considerable  variation  of 
their  longitude  by  the  precession  of  the  equinoxes:  fur  instance, 
the  first  star  of  Aries,  which  in  the  time  of  RIeton  the  Athenian 
was  found  in  the  very  intersection  of  the  ecliptic  and  equator,  is 
now  removed  eastward  more  than  thirty  degrees,  so  that  the 
sign  Aries  possesses  the  place  of  Taurus,  Taurus  that  of  Gem- 
ini, and  so  on. 

t  The  twelve  signs  in  astrology  are  divided  into  four  trigons, 
or  triplicities,  each  denominated  from  the  con-natural  element ; 
so  they  are  three  tiery,  three  airy,  three  watery,  and  three 
earthly. 

Fiery — Aries,  Leo,  Sagittarius. 

Earthly — Taurus,  Virgo,  Capricornus. 

Airy — Gemini,  Libra,  Aquarius. 

Watery — Cancer,  Scorpio,  Pisces. 

X  See  our  poet's  arguments  put  into  prose  by  Dr.  Bentley,  in 
the  latter  end  of  his  third  sermon  at  Boyle's  lectures. 

§  The  Chaldeans,  as  Cicero  remarks,  pretended  to  have  been 
in  possession  of  astrological  knowledge  for  the  long  space  of 
47,000  years.  But  Diodorus  informs  us  that,  in  things  belonging 
to  their  art,  they  calculated  by  lunar  years  of  thirty  days.  By 
this  method,  however,  their  account  will  reach  to  the  creation, 
if  not  to  a  more  distant  epoch.  It  is  well  known  that  Berosus, 
oi  his  scholars,  new-modelled  and  adopted  the  Babylonian  doc 
trines  to  the  Grecian  mythobgy. 

II  Mr.  Smith,  of  Harleston,  says  this  is  a  banter  upon  Sir  Rich- 
ard Fanshawe's  translation  of  Horace,  Epod.  ii.  69,  70. 

Omnem  relegit  idibus  pecuniam, 
Quaerit  calendis  ponere. 


293  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  n 

And  yet  with  canting,  slight,  and  cheat 

'Twill  servo  their  turn  to  do  the  feat ;  920 

Make  fools  believe  in  their  foreseeing 

Of  things  before  they  are  in  being ; 

To  swallow  gudgeons  ere  they're  catch'd. 

And  count  their  chickens  ere  they're  hatch'd  ; 

Make  them  the  constellations  prompt,  925 

And  give  them  back  their  own  accompt ; 

But  still  the  best  to  him  that  gives 

The  best  price  for't,  or  best  believes. 

Some  towns,  some  cities,  some  for  brevity, 

Have  cast  the  'versal  world's  nativity,  930 

And  made  the  infant  stars  confess, 

Like  fools  or  children,  what  they  please. 

Some  calculate  tlie  hidden  fates 

Of  monkeys,  puppy-dogs,  and  cats  ; 

Some  running-nags,  and  fighting-cocks,  935 

Some  love,  trade,  law-suits,  and  the  pox  : 

Some  take  a  measure  of  the  lives 

Of  fathers,  mothers,  husbands,  wives, 

Make  opposition,  trine,  and  quartile, 

Tell  who  is  barren,  and  who  fertile  ;  940 

As  if  the  planet's  first  aspect 

The  tender  infant  did  infect* 


At  Michajlinas  calls  all  his  monies  in, 
And  at  our  Lady  puts  them  out  again. 

The  fifteenth  day  of  March,  May,  July,  and  October,  and  the 
thirteenth  day  of  all  other  nionlhs,  was  called  the  ides.  The 
first  day  of  every  month  was  called  the  calends. 

*  The  accent  is  laid  upon  the  last  syllableof  aspect,  as  it  often 
is  in  Shakspeare  :  see  Dr.  Farmer's  observations  on  the  learning 
of  Shakspeare,  p.  27.  Astrologers  reckon  five  aspects  of  the 
planets  •  conjunction,  sextile,  quartile  trine,  and  opposition. 
Sextile  denotes  iheir  being  distant  from  each  other  a  sixth  part 
of  a  circle,  or  two  signs  ;  quartile,  a  fourth  part,  or  three  signs ; 
trine,  a  third  part,  or  four  signs  ;  opposition,  half  the  circle,  or 
directly  opposite.  It  was  the  opinion  of  judicial  astrologers,  thai 
whatever  good  disposition  the  infant  might  otherwise  have  been 
endued  with,  yet  if  Its  birth  was,  by  any  accident,  so  accelerated 
or  retarded,  that  it  fell  in  with  the  predominance  of  a  malignant 
constellation,  this  momentary  influence  would  entirely  change 
its  nature,  and  bias  it  to  all  contrary  ill  qualities.  The  ancients 
had  aiv  opinion  of  the  influence  of  the  stars : 

Scit  Genius,  natale  comes  qui  temperat  astruin. 

Horat.  Ep.  lib.  ii.  Ep.  ii.  1.  187. 

There  would  be  no  end  of  quoting  authors  on  this  subject,  such 
as  Meuander  and  Plutarch  among  the  Greeks ;  and  among  the 
Latins,  Horace,  Persius,  Ammianas  Marcellinus,  and  Censorinua 
dc  die  natali. 

The  tender  infant  did  in/eci— Thus  in  line  931 : 

And  make  the  Infant  stars  confess. 


Canto  ui.]  HUDIBRAS.  293 

In  soul  and  body,  and  instill 

All  future  good  and  future  ill ; 

Which  in  their  dark  fatalities  lurking,  94^ 

At  destined  periods  fall  a  working, 

And  break  out,  like  tiie  liidden  seeds 

Of  long  diseases,  into  deeds, 

In  friendships,  enmities,  and  strife, 

And  all  th'  emergencies  of  life :  950 

No  sooner  does  he  peep  into 

The  world,  but  he  has  done  his  do, 

Catch'd  all  diseases,  took  all  physick, 

That  cures  or  kills  a  man  that  is  sick  ; 

Marry'd  his  punctual  dose  of  ^ives,  953 

Is  cuckolded,  and  breaks,  or  thrives. 

There's  but  the  twinkling  of  a  star 

Between  a  man  of  peace  and  war  ; 

A  thief  and  justice,  fool  and  knave, 

A  huffing  ofF'cer  and  a  slave  ;  960 

A  crafty  lawyer  and  pick-pocket, 

A  great  philosopher  and  a  blockhead  ; 

A  formal  preacher  and  a  player, 

A  learn'd  physician  and  man-slayer  :* 

As  if  men  from  tlie  stars  did  suck  963 

Old  age,  diseases,  and  ill  luck. 

Wit,  folly,  honour,  virtue,  vice. 

Trade,  travel,  women,  claps,  and  dice  : 

And  draw,  with  the  first  air  they  breathe, 

Battle,  and  murder,  sudden  death.t  970 

Are  not  these  fine  commodities 

To  be  imported  from  the  skies. 

And  vended  here  among  the  rabble, 

For  staple  goods,  and  warrantable  ? 

Like  money  by  the  Druids  borrow'd,  975 

In  til'  other  world  to  be  restor'd.f 


*  In  the  public  opinion,  perhaps,  there  is  thought  to  be  a  coin- 
cidence in  these  characters  ;  and  some  of  them,  we  must  own, 
are  more  nearly  allied  than  others.  Tne  author  too,  with  hia 
usual  pleasantry,  might  be  willing  to  allow  the  resemblance  in 
a  certain  degree  ;  but  the  scope  of  his  argument  requires  him  to 
attribute  to  them  distinct  and  opposite  qualities;  and  in  this 
sense,  no  doubt,  he  meant  seriously  to  be  understood. 

t  This  is  one  of  the  petitions  in  the  Litany,  which  the  dis- 
senters objected  to  ;  especially  the  words  sudden  death.  See 
Bennet's  London  Cases  abridged,  ch.  iv.  p.  100. 

t  Thai  is,  astrologers,  by  endeavoring  to  persuade  men  that 
the  stars  have  dealt  out  to  them  their  future  fortunes,  are  guilty 
of  a  similar  fraud  with  the  Drnids,  who  borrowed  money  on  a 
promise  of  repaying  it  after  death.  Druidse  pecuniani  mutuo  ac- 
clpiebant,  in  posteriore  vittt  reddituri.    This  practice  among  tlM 


294  HUDIBKAS.  [Pari  n 

Quoth  Sidrophel,  To  let  you  know 
You  wrong  the  art  and  artists  too, 
Since  ar^ments  are  lost  oti  those 
That  do  our  principles  oppose,  980 

I  will,  altho'  I've  don't  before, 
Demonstrate  to  your  sense  once  more. 
And  draw  a  figure  that  shall  tell  you 
What  you,  perliaps  forget  befel  you  ; 
By  way  of  horary  inspection,*  985 

Wliich  some  account  our  worst  erection. 

With  that,  he  circles  draws,  and  squares, 
Wjth  cy])hers,  astral  characters. 
Then  looks  'em  o'er  to  understand  'em, 
Altho'  set  down  habnab  at  random.t  990 

Quoth  he,  This  scheme  of  th'  heavens  set, 
Discovers  how  in  fight  you  met. 
At  Kingston,  with  a  may-pole  idol,t; 
And  that  y'were  bang'd  both  back  and  side  well ; 
And  the'  you  overcame  the  bear,  995 


Oritids  was  founded  on  their  doctrine  of  the  immortality  of  the 
i^oul.  Vcilerius  Maxinius  says  of  the  Gatils  in  general,  Vetus 
ille  Galloruiii  mos — quos  niemoria  proditumest,  pecunias  inutuas, 
qua"  his  apud  inferos  redilerentur,  dare  solitos,  quia  persuasum 
habuentnt,  aniinas  hoininum  iniinortales  esse,  ii.  6,  10.  And 
Mela  says,  Uniim  ex  iis  qucE  pia'cipiunt  (Druides)  in  valgus 
efiiuxit — Kternas  esse  animas, — itaque  cum  mortuis  cremant 
ac  defodiunt  apta  viventibus  olim.  Negotiorum  ratio  etiam 
et  exactio  crediti  deferebatur  ad  inferos,  ii.  2. — Bonzes,  in 
the  East  Indies,  are  said  to  have  been  acquainted  with  this  prac- 
tice. 

*  The  horoscope  is  the  pointof  the  heavens  which  rises  above 
the  eastern  horizon,  at  any  particular  moiiient. 

t  Dr.  Davies  says  habnab  is  a  Welsh  word,  and  signifies  rash- 
ly, at  random.  [Nares  says,  habbe  or  nabbe,  Have  or  have  not, 
hit  or  miss,  at  a  venture:  quasi,  have  or  n'ave,  i.  e.  have  not; 
as  vill  for  will  not.  "The  citizens  in  their  rage  imagining  that 
every  post  in  the  churche  had  bin  one  of  the'r  souldyers,  shot 
habbe  or  nabbe,  at  random."  Holinshed,  Hist,  of  Ireland.  F.  2, 
col.  2.] 

{  Mr.  Butler  alludes  to  the  counterfeited  second  part  of  Hudi- 
bras,  published  1063.  The  first  annotator  gives  us  to  understand, 
that  some  silly  interloper  had  broken  in  upon  our  author's  de- 
sign, and  invented  a  second  part  of  his  book.  In  this  spurious 
production,  the  rencounters  of  Hudibras  at  Brentford,  the  trans- 
actions of  a  mountebank  whom  he  met  with,  and  probably  these 
adventures  of  the  May-pole  at  Kingston,  are  described  at  length. 
Cervantes,  the  author  of  Don  Quixote,  met  with  the  like  treat- 
mejit,  [from  Alphonsus  Fernandes  de  A\ellane(la;]  and  vindica- 
ted himself  in  the  same  manner,  by  making  his  knight  declare 
that  he  was  no  way  concerned  in  those  exploits  which  a  new 
historian  had  related  of  him.  Jilay-poles  were  held  in  abomina- 
tion by  the  saints  of  our  author's  time ;  and  many  writers  have 
«!xpressed  their  abhorrence  of  them  with  great  acrimony. 


Cwrro  ni.]  HUDIBRAS.  295 

The  dogs  beat  you  at  Brentford  fair  ; 
Where  sturdy  butchers  broke  your  noddle, 
And  handled  you  like  a  fop-doodle. 

Quoth  Hudibras,  I  now  perceive 
You  are  no  conj'rer,  by  your  leave  ;  1008 

That  paltry  story  is  untrue, 
And  for^'d  to  cheat  such  gulls  as  you. 

Not  true  ?  quoth  he  ;  howe'er  you  vapour, 
I  can  what  I  affirm  make  appear  ; 
Whachum  shall  justify't  to  your  face,  1005 

And  prove  he  was  upon  the  place : 
He  play'd  the  saltinbancho's  part,* 
Transform'd  t'  a  Frenchman  by  my  art ; 
He  stole  your  cloak,  and  pick'd  your  pocket, 
Chous'd  and  caldes'd  you  like  a  blockhead,t 
And  what  you  lost  I  can  produce, 
If  you  deny  it,  here  i'  the  house. 

Quoth  Hudibras,  I  do  believe 
That  argument's  demonstrative  ; 
Raipho,  bear  witness,  and  go  fetch  us  1015 

A  constable  to  seize  the  wretches  : 
For  tho'  they're  both  false  knaves  and  cheats, t 


*  Saltimbanque  is  a  French  word,  signifying  a  quack  or  moun- 
tebank.   Perhaps  it  was  originally  Italian. 

t  Caldes'd  is  a  word  of  the  poet's  own  coining.  Mr.  Warbur- 
ton  thinks  he  took  the  hint  from  the  Chaldeans,  who  were  great 
fortune-tellers.  Others  suppose  it  may  he  derived  from  the 
Gothic,  or  old  Teutonic,  a  language  used  by  the  Picts ;  among 
whom  Caldees,  or  Keldeis,  as  Spotswood  thinks,  were  the  an- 
cient ministers  or  priests,  and  so  called  because  they  lived  in 
cells.  See  Camden's  account  of  the  Orkney  Isles.  Pinkerton, 
in  his  History  of  the  Scots,  p.  273,  says,  "  the  Calilees  united  in 
"  themselves  the  distinctions  of  monks  and  of  secular  clergy, 
"being  apparently,  to  the  eleventh  century,  the  only  monks  and 
"clergy  in  Scotland,  and  all  Irish."  But  perhaps  we  ought  ra- 
ther to  look  for  this  word  in  the  vocabulary  of  gipsies  and  pick- 
pockets, tlian  either  among  the  Chaldeans,  the  Scots,  or  the 
Irish.  The  sigaifiealion  of  It,  in  Butler's  Remains,  is  the  same 
with  trepanned.    Vol.  i.  24 : 

Asham'd  that  men  so  grave  and  wise 
Should  be  chaldes'd  by  gnats  and  flies. 

Mr.  Butler's  MS.  Common-place  book  has  the  following  lines : 

He  that  with  injury  is  griev'd. 

And  goes  to  law  to  be  reliev'd, 

Is  like  a  silly  rabble  chouse. 

Who,  when  a  thief  had  robb'd  his  house, 

Applies  himself  to  cunning  man 

To  help  him  to  his  goods  agen. 
}  Though  they  are  false  by  their  own  confession,  I  will  make 
them  true  for  another  purpjse. 


396  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  n 

Imposters,  jugglers,  counterfeits, 

I'll  make  them  serve  for  perpendic'lars, 

As  true  as  e'er  were  iis'd  by  bricklaj-ers  :*  1020 

They're  guilty,  by  their  own  confessions, 

Of  felony,  and  at  the  sessions. 

Upon  the  bench  I  will  so  handle  'em, 

That  the  vibration  of  this  pendulum 

Shall  make  all  tailors'  yards  of  one  1039 

Unanimous  opinion  :t 

A  thing  ho  long  has  vapour'd  of. 

But  now  shall  make  it  out  by  proof. 

Quoth  Sidrophel,  I  do  not  doubt 
To  find  friends  that  will  bear  me  out  ;t  1030 


*  i.  e.  swing  them  in  a  line,  Wke  a  bricklayer's  level. 

t  Mr.  Butler,  in  his  own  note  on  this  passage,  says :  "The  de 
"  vice  of  the  vibration  of  a  pendulum,  was  intended  to  settle  a 
"  certain  measure  of  ells,  yards,  &c.,  all  the  world  over,  which 
"should  have  its  foundation  in  nature.  For  by  swinging  a 
"  weight  at  the  end  of  a  string,  and  calculating  by  the  motion  of 
"  the  sun  or  any  star,  how  long  the  vibration  would  last.  In  pro- 
"  portion  to  the  length  of  the  string  and  weight  of  the  pendu- 
"  lum,  they  thought  to  reduce  it  back  again,  and  from  any  part 
"of  time  compute  the  e.\act  length  of  any  siring,  that  must 
"  necessarily  vibrate  for  such  a  period  of  time.  So  that  if  a  man 
"should  ask  in  China  for  a  quarter  of  an  hoar  of  taffeta,  they 
"  would  know  perfectly  well  what  he  meant :  and  the  measure 
"  of  things  would  be  reckoned  no  more  by  the  yard,  foot,  or  inch : 
"  but  by  the  hour,  quarter,  and  minute."  See  his  Remains  by 
Thyer,  vol.  i.  p.  30 : 

By  which  he  had  composed  a  pedlar's  jargon, 

For  all  the  world  to  learn  and  use  to  bargain. 

An  universal  canting  idiom 

To  understand  the  swinging  pendulum, 

And  to  communicate  in  all  designs 

With  th'  Eastern  viituoso  mandarines. 

And  Dr.  Derham's  experiments  concerning  the  vibration  of  a 
pendulum,  in  the  Philosophical  Transactions,  vol.  iii.  No.  440,  p. 
201.  The  moderns,  perhaps,  will  not  be  more  successful  in  their 
endeavors  to  establish  an  universal  standard  of  weights  and 
measures. 

[If  the  reader  wishes  to  see  the  use  the  modems  have  made 
of  the  pendulum,  he  may  refer  to  "An  account  of  E.xperimenta 
"  to  determine  the  times  of  vibration  of  the  Pendulum  in  differ- 
"ent  latitudes,  by  Captain  Edward  Sabine  of  the  Royal  Regi 
"  ment  of  Artillery,"  in  the  Philosophical  Transactions  for  the 
year  I8-.'l— to  the  voluuie  for  13-i3— and  to  the  volume  for  1827 
page  1-23,  where  he  perhaps  will  find  that  at  least  the  Captain  is 
not  the  man  "  by  the  long  level  of  his  repeating  circle"  to 

make  all  tailors'  yards  of  one 

Unanimous  opinion.] 

J  William  Lilly  wrote  and  prophesied  for  the  parliament,  till 
he  perceived  their  influence  decline.  He  then  changed  sides; 
but  having  declared  himself  rather  too  soon,  he  was  taken  into 


Canto  m.J  HUDIBRAS.  297 

Nor  have  I  hazarded  my  art, 
And  neck,  so  long  on  the  state's  part, 
To  be  exposed  i'  th'  end  to  suffer 
By  such  a  braggadocio  buffer. 

Huffer,  quoth  Hudibras,  this  sword  1035 

Shall  down  thy  false  throat  cram  that  word  ; 
Ralpho,  make  haste,  and  call  an  officer, 
To  apprehend  this  Stygian  sophister  ;* 
Mean  while  I'll  hold  'em  at  a  bay. 
Lest  he  and  Whachum  run  away.  1040 

But  Sidrophel,  wlio  from  the  aspect 
Of  Hudibras,  did  now  erect 
A  figure  worse  portending  far, 
Thau  that  of  most  malignant  star  ; 
Believ'd  it  now  the  fittest  moment  1045 

To  shun  the  danger  that  might  come  on't. 
While  Hudibras  was  all  alone. 
And  he  and  Whachum,  two  to  one  : 
This  being  resolv'd,  he  spy'd  by  chance. 
Behind  the  door,  an  iron  lance, t  1050 

That  many  a  sturdy  limb  had  gor'd 
And  legs,  and  loins,  and  shouldei's  bor'd  ; 
He  snatch'd  it  up,  aud  made  a  pass, 
To  make  his  way  thro'  Hudibras. 
Whachum  had  got  a  fire-fork,  1055 

With  which  he  vow'd  to  do  his  work ; 
But  Hudibras  was  well  prepar'd. 
And  stoutly  stood  upon  his  guard : 
He  put  by  Sidropliello's  thrust, 

And  in  right  manfully  he  rtfeht,  1060 

The  weapon  from  his  gripe  he  wrung, 
And  laid  him  on  the  earth  along. 
Whachum  his  sea-coal  prong  threw  by. 
And  basely  turn'd  his  back  to  fly  ; 
But  Hudibras  gave  him  a  twitch,  1065 

As  quick  as  lightning,  in  the  breech. 
Just  in  the  place  where  henour's  lodg'd,t 


custody ;  and  escaped  only,  as  he  tells  us  hinnself,  by  the  inter- 
ference of  friends,  and  by  cancelling  the  offenuve  leaf  in  his 
almanac. 

*  i.  e.  hellish  sophister. 

t  A  spit  for  roasting  meat. 

t  Mr.  Butler  in  his  speech  made  at  the  Rota,  says,  (Genuine 
Kemains,  vol.  i.  p.  323 :)  "  Some  are  of  opinion  that  honor  is  seat- 
"ed  in  the  rump  only,  chiefly  at  least:  for  it  is  observed,  tliat  a 
"  small  kick  on  that  part  does  more  hurt  and  wound  liouor  than 
"  a  cut  on  the  head  or  face,  or  a  stab,  or  a  shot  of  a  pistol,  on  any 
"other  part  of  the  body." 

13* 


298  HUDIBRAS  [Part  n 

As  wise  philosophers  have  judg'd ; 
Because  a  kick  in  that  part  more 
Hurts  honour,  than  deep  wounds  before.  1079 

Quoth  Hudibras,  The  stars  determine 
You  are  my  prisoners,  base  vermin, 
Could  they  not  tell  you  so,  as  well 
As  what  I  came  to  know,  foretell  ? 
By  this,  what  cheats  you  are,  we  find,  1075 

That  in  your  own  concerns  are  blind.* 
Your  lives  are  now  at  my  dispose. 
To  be  redeem'd  by  fine  or  blows : 
But  who  his  honour  would  defile, 
To  take,  or  sell,  two  lives  so  vile  ?  lOM 

I'll  give  you  quarter ;  but  your  pillage, 
The  conqu'ring  warrior's  crop  and  tillage, 
Which  with  his  sword  he  reaps  and  plows, 
That's  mine,  the  law  of  arms  allows. 

This  said  in  haste,  in  haste  he  fell  1083 

To  rummaging  of  Sidrophel. 
First,  he  expounded  both  his  pockets. 
And  found  a  watch  with  rings  and  lockets,+ 
Which  had  been  left  with  him  t'  erect 
A  figure  for,  and  so  detect.  1090 

A  copper-plate,  with  almanacks 
Engrav'd  upon't,  with  other  knackst 
Of  Booker's,  Lilly's,  Sarah  Jimmer's,§ 
And  blank-schemes  to  discover  nimmers  ;|| 

*  "  Astrologers,"  says  Agrippa,  "  while  they  gaze  on  the  stars 
"  for  direction,  fall  into  ditchi??,  wells,  and  goals  "  The  crafty 
Tiberius,  not  content  with  a  promise  of  empire,  examined  the 
astrologer  concerning  his  own  horoscope,  intending  to  drown  him 
on  the  least  appearance  of  falsehood.  But  Thrasyllus  was  al- 
ways too  cunning  for  him:  he  answered  the  first  time,  "  that  he 
"  perceived  himself  at  that  instant  to  be  in  imminent  danger ;" 
and  afterwards,  "  that  he  was  destined  to  die  just  ten  years 
"  before  the  emperor  himself."     Tacit.  Ann.  vi.  21.    Dio  Iviii.  27. 

t  To  negotiate  between  the  robber  and  the  robbed,  was  cer 
tainly  the  most  profitable  part  of  the  astrologer's  business. 

J  That  is,  mar.ks  or  signs  belonging  to  the  astrologer's  art :  from 
the  Anglo-Saxon  cnapan,  to  know,  or  understand.  Knack  often 
signifies  a  bauble  or  plaything  :  a  child's  ball  is  called  a  knack. 
The  Glossarist  on  Douglas  says  :  "  We  (the  Scots)  use  the  word 
'••  knack  for  a  witty  expression,  or  action  :  a  knacky  man,  that  is, 
'■'a  witty  facetious  man;  which  may  come  from  the  Teutonic 
"schnaike,  facetiae."  Tiie  verb  to  knack,  in  Douglas,  signifies  to 
mock. 

§  John  Booker  was  bnrn  at  Manchester,  and  a  great  astrologer. 
Lilly  has  frequently  been  mentioned.  Sarah  Jimmers,  called, 
by  Lilly.  Sarah  Skilhorn,  was  a  great  speculatrLx. 

II  Thieves  :  from  the  A.  S.  niman,  rapere,  though  it  generally 
signifies  pickpockets,  private  stealers. 


(Janto  ui.]  HUDIBRAS.  299 

A  moon-dial,  with  Napier's  bones,*  1095 

And  sev'ral  constellation  stones, 

Engrav'd  in  planetary  hours. 

That  over  mortals  had  strange  powers 

To  make  them  thrive  in  law  or  trade, 

And  stab  or  poison  to  evade  ;  HOC 

In  wit  or  wisdom  to  improve, 

And  be  victorious  in  love. 

Whaehum  had  neither  cross  nor  pile,t 

His  plunder  was  not  worth  the  while  ; 

All  which  the  conqu'ror  did  discompt,  1105 

To  pay  for  curing-  of  his  rump. 

But  Sidrophel,  as  full  of  tricks 
As  rota-men  of  politics,! 
Straight  cast  about  to  over-reach 
Th'  unwary  couqu'ror  with  a  fetch,  lUO 

And  make  him  glad  at  least  to  quit 
His  victory,  and  fly  the  pit. 
Before  the  secular  prince  of  darkuess§ 
Arriv'd  to  seize  upon  his  carcass : 
And,  as  a  fox  with  hot  pursuit, ||  1 115 

Chas'd  through  a  warren,  cast  about 

*  Lord  Napier  of  Scotland,  was  anther  of  an  invention  for 
casting  up  any  sums  or  numbers  by  little  rods,  which  being  made 
of  ivory,  were  called  Napier's  bones.  He  first  discovered  the  use 
of  logarithms  in  trigonometry,  and  made  it  public  in  a  work  print- 
ed at  Edinburgh,  1614:  an  instance  of  ingenuity  which  should 
never  be  mentioned  without  a  tribute  of  praise.  His  lorcfchij) 
was  one  of  the  early  members  of  the  Royal  Society  before  its 
incorporation,  which  the  poet  takes  frequent  occasions  to  banter. 

t  [Money  frequently  bore  a  cross  on  one  side,  and  the  head  of 
a  spear  or  arrow,  pilura,  on  the  other.  Cross  and  pile  were  our 
heads  and  tails.  "This  I  humbly  conceive  to  be  perfect  boy's 
play  ;  cross,  I  win,  and  pile,  you  lose."     Swift.] 

t  Mr.  James  Harrington,  sometime  in  the  service  of  Charles  I., 
drew  up  and  printed  a  form  of  popular  government,  after  the 
king's  death,  entitled  the  Commonwealth  of  Oceana.  He  en 
deavored,  likew.se,  to  promote  his  scheme  by  public  discourses,  at 
a  nightly  club  of  several  curious  gentlemen,  Henry  Nevil,  Charles 
Wolseley,  John  Wildman,  Doctor  (afterwards  Sir  William)  Petty, 
who  met  in  New  Palaoe-yard,  Westminster.  Mr.  Henry  Nevil 
proposed  to  the  house  of  commons,  that  a  third  part  of  its  members 
should  rote  out  by  ballot  every  year,  and  be  incapable  of  re-elec- 
tiiw  for  three  years  to  come.  This  club  was  called  the  Kota 
bwift.  Contests  in  Athens  and  Rome,  ch.  v.  p.  74,  note. 

^  The  constable  who  governs  and  keeps  the  peace  at  night. 

II  Olaus  Magnus  has  related  many  such  stories  of  the  fox's 
canning:  his  imitating  the  barking  of  a  dog;  feigning  himself 
dead  ;  ridding  himself  of  fleas,  by  going  gradually  into  the  water 
with  a  lock  of  wool  in  his  mouth,  and  when  the  fleas  are  driven 
into  it,  leaving  the  wool  in  the  water  ;  catching  crab-fish  with 
his  tail,  which  the  author  avers  for  truth  on  his  own  knowledge, 
OI.  Mag.  Hist.  1  18. 


300  HUDIBRAS.  IPart  ii. 

To  save  his  credit,  and  among 

Dead  vermin  on  a  gallows  hung, 

And  while  the  dogs  ran  underneath 

Escap'd,  by  counterfeiting  death,  1120 

Not  out  of  cunning,  but  a  train 

Of  atoms  justling  in  his  brain,* 

As  learn'd  philosophers  give  out ; 

So  Sidrophello  cast  about. 

And  fell  to's  wonted  trade  again,  1125 

To  feign  himself  in  earnest  slain :+ 

First  stretch'd  out  one  leg,  then  anothei, 

And,  seeming  in  his  breast  to  smother 

A  broken  sigh,  quoth  he.  Where  am  I? 

Alive,  or  dead  ?  or  which  way  came  I  1130 

Thro'  so  immense  a  space  so  soon  ? 

But  now  I  thought  myself  i'  th'  moon  ; 

And  that  a  monster  with  huge  whiskers, 

More  formidable  than  a  Switzer's, 

My  body  thro'  and  thro'  had  drill'd,  1135 

And  Whachum  by  my  side  had  kill'd, 

Had  cross-examin'd  both  our  hose,t 

And  plunder'd  all  wo  had  to  lose  ; 

Look,  there  he  is,  I  see  him  now. 

And  feel  the  place  I  am  run  thro' :  1140 

And  there  lies  Whachum  by  my  side. 

Stone-dead,  and  in  his  own  blood  dy'd. 

Oh  '.  oh  !  with  that  he  fetch'd  a  groan, 

And  fell  again  into  a  swoon  ; 

Shut  both  his  eyes,  and  stopt  his  breath,  145 

And  to  the  life  out-acted  death, 

That  Hudibras,  to  all  appearing, 

Believ'd  him  to  be  dead  as  herring. 


*  The  ancient  atomic  ohilosophers,  Deraocritiis,  Epicurus,  &c. 
held  that  sense  in  l)riitt;s,  and  cogitation  and  volition  in  n.en, 
were  produced  hy  impression  of  corporeal  atoms  on  the  brain. 
Cartesius  allowed  no  sense  nor  cogitation  to  brutes.  He  supposed 
that  sensitive  principles  were  iuimaterial  as  well  as  rational 
ones,  and  therefore  concluded  that  brutes  could  have  no  sense, 
unless  their  sensitive  souls  were  immaterial  and  immortal  sub- 
stances. Antonius  Magnus,  another  Frenchman,  published  a 
book  near  the  Author's  time.  Uecarenlia  sensus  et  cognitionis  in 
brutis.  Bnt  the  author  perhaps  meant  to  ridicule  Sir  Keiielm 
Digby,  who  relates  this  story  of  the  fox,  and  maintains  that  there 
was  no  thought  nor  cunning,  but  merely  a  particular  disposition 
of  atoms. 

t  The  reader  may  recollect  the  very  humorous  circumstances 
of  Falstaff's  counterfeited  death.  Shakspeare,  First  Part  of 
Henry  IV.  Act  v. 

t  Trunk- hose  with  pockets  to  them. 


Canto  in  ]  HUDIBRAS.  301 

He  held  it  now  no  longer  safe, 

To  tarry  the  return  of  Ralpli,  1150 

But  rather  leave  him  in  the  lurch  :* 

Thought  he,  he  has  abus'd  our  church,+ 

Refus'd  to  give  himself  one  firk. 

To  carry  on  the  public  work, 

Despis'd  our  synod-men  like  dirt,  1155 

And  made  their  discipline  his  sport ; 

Divulg'd  the  secrets  of  their  classes, 

And  their  conventions  prov'd  high  places  ]t 

Disparag'd  their  tithe-pigs,  as  pagan, 

And  set  at  nought  their  cheese  and  bacon  ;  1160 

Rail'd  at  their  covenant,  and  jeer'd 

Their  rev'rend  parsons,  to  my  beard  ; 

For  all  which  scandals,  to  be  quit 

At  once,  this  juncture  falls  out  fit. 

I'll  make  him  henceforth,  to  beware,  1165 

And  tempt  my  fury  if  he  dare  : 

He  must,  at  least,  hold  up  his  hand,§ 

By  twelve  freeholders  to  be  scann'd. 

Who,  by  their  skill  in  palmistry, || 

Will  quickly  read  his  destiny,  1170 

And  make  him  glad  to  read  his  lesson, 

Or  take  a  turn  for't  at  the  session  :ir 


*  The  different  sects  of  dissenters  left  each  other  in  the  lurch, 
whenever  an  opportunity  offered  of  promoting  a  separate  in- 
terest. 

t  Th*is  and  the  following  lines  have  been  produced  by  some  as 
an  arfiument  to  prove  that  the  poem  was  enigmatical  and  figura- 
tive ;  but  it  only  proves  that  Hudibras  represents  the  Presbyteri- 
ans, and  Ralpho  the  Independents. 

t  That  is,  corruptions  in  discipline — rank  popery  and  idolatry. 

^  Culprits,  when  they  are  tried,  hold  up  their  hands  at  the 
bar. 

11  From  palma.  Alluding  to  the  method  of  telling  fortunes  by 
inspection  of  lines  in  the  palm  of  the  hand. 

if  That  is,  claim  the  benefit  of  clergy,  or  be  hanged.  Tom 
Nash,*  a  writer  of  farces — [there  are  but  three  dramatic  works 

•  This  Tom  Nash  should  not  be  confounded  with  Thomas  Nash,  barrister, 
of  the  Inner  Temple,  who  is  buried  ia  that  church,  and  has  the  foliowiogf  io- 
Bcription. 

Dcpositum  Thorns  Nash  ^enerosi  honesta  orti  familia  in  asrro  Vioporniensi 
viri  charitaie  humilitate  eximii  el  mire  mansuetiGrjece  Laline  Gallice  el  llalicc 
Bpprime  docli  pluritim  (quos  scripsil  transtulit  elucidavit  edidit)  lihrorum  au- 
tnoris  jure  amplectandi  iuterioris  templi  annos  circiter  30  repaguiaria  non  so- 
lidi  minus  quam  synceri 

Tho.  Nash  obiit  25".  Augiisti  1648. 

I  have  never  seen  any  of  his  works,  but  am  informed  that  the  School  of  Po- 
tentates, translated  from  the  Latin,  with  observaiions,  in  octavo,  1648,  w.is  his, 
and  that  he  probably  wrote  the  fourfold  discourse  in  quarto,  1632.  He  was  a 
zealous  royalist,  contrary  to  the  sentiments  of  his  two  brothers  ;  the  eldest  a 
country  gentleman  in  Worcestershire,  of  considerable  estate,  from  whom  ths 
•dilor  is  descended,  was  very  active  in  supporting^  the  Parliament  catise,  ami 


302  riUDIBRAS.  [Part  n 

Unless  his  light  and  gifts  prove  truer 

Than  ever  yet  they  did,  I'm  sure  ; 

For  if  he  'scape  vpith  whipping  now,  1173 

'Tis  more  than  he  can  hope  to  do : 

And  that  will  disengage  my  conscience 

Of  th'  obligation,  in  his  own  sense : 

I'll  make  him  now  by  force  abide, 

What  he  by  gentle  means  deny'd,  1190 

To  give  my  honour  satisfaction, 

A.ud  right  the  brethren  in  the  action. 

This  being  resolv'd,  with  equal  speed, 

And  conduct,  he  approach'd  his  steed, 

And  with  activity  unwont,  118£ 

Essay'd  the  lofty  beast  to  mount ; 


jf  his,  Dido  a  tragedy,  and  two  comediesj — in  Q,neen  Elizabetli's 
reign,  wiio  died  before  the  year  IGOfi,  is  supposed  by  Dr.  Farmer 
to  satirize  Sliakspeare  for  want  of  learning,  in  the  following 
words :  "  I  leave,"  saith  he,  "  all  these  to  the  mercy  of  their 
"  mother-tongue,  that  feed  on  nought  but  the  crumbs  that  fall 
"  from  the  translator's  trencher,  that  could  scarcely  latinize  their 
"  neck  verse,  if  they  should  have  neede."  Dr.  Lodge  calls  Nash 
our  true  English  Aretine :  and  John  Taylor,  the  water  poet, 
makes  an  oath  by  "  sweete  satyriche  Nash  his  nrne  :"  his  works, 
in  throe  volumes  quarto,  were  printed  1600,  and  purchased  for 
the  Royal  Library,  at  an  auction  iu  Whitehall,  about  the  year 
1785,  for  thirty  pounds. 

[In  the  sale  of  Dr.  Wright's  Library  in  1787,  a  collection  (not 
an  edition)  of  his  works,  consisting  of  twenty-one  pieces  of  vari- 
ous dates,  was  sold  for  £12.  .15  ;  see  Dibdin's  Bibliomania,  p.  534  ; 
but  if  it  was  bought  for  the  King's  Library  there  must  be  some 
error  in  the  Sale  Catalogue  in  attributing  all  the  Tracts  to  Nash, 
as  there  are  but  ten  under  his  name  in  the  Catalogue  of  the 
Royal  Library. 

As  Dr.  Nash  has  here  indulged  a  natural  vanity  upon  a  sub- 
ject more  interesting  to  himself  than  to  the  reader  of  Hudibras, 
a  somewhat  similar  indulgence,  in  this  edition,  may  perhaps  be 
pardoned  when  the  incidental  mention  of  the  Royal  Library  oc- 
casions it.  This  truly  regal  library  is  now  deposited  in  the  Brit- 
ish Museum.  It  was,  ab  initio,  formed  under  the  personal  direc- 
tion of  His  late  Majesty  George  the  Third,  by  Sir  Frederick  Bar- 
nard, his  librarian,  and  Mr.  George  Nicol,  his  bookseller ;  and 
remains  an  honorable  proof  of  the  king's  liberal  pursuit  and  love 
of  knowledge,  and  of  the  skilful  industry  of  the  men  he  so  ju- 
diciously employed  in  its  collection.] 

the  grovernment  by  Cromwell.  The  younger  brother  commanded  a  troop  of 
horse  in  the  parliament  service,  was  member  of  parliament  for  the  city  of 
Worcester,  and  an  active  justice  of  peace  under  the  Protector :  the  family  quar- 
rel on  political  accotmts,  and  which  was  carried  on  with  the  greatest  animosity, 
and  most  earnest  desire  to  ruin  each  other,  together  with  the  decline  of  the 
king's  aflairs,  and  particularly  the  execution  of  his  person,  so  atfected  the  spir- 
its of  Mr.  Thomas  Nash,  that  he  determined  not  long  to  survive  it.  The  editor 
hopes  the  reader  will  excuse  this  periautology  and  account  of  his  great-gxancl- 
fatber,  and  his  two  younger  brothers — he  at  this  day  feels  the  eti^  -is  of  theii 
iftmily  quarrels  and  party  zeal. 


Canto  m. ,  HUDIBRAS.  303 

Which  once  atchiev'd,  he  spurr'd  his  palfry, 

To  get  from  th'  enemy  and  Ralph  free  ; 

Left  danger,  fears,  and  foes  behind, 

And  beat,  at  least  three  lengths,  the  wind.*  1190 

*       volncremque  fuga  prtevertitur  Eurum. 

agente  nimbos 

OcyoT  Euro. 


AN  HEROICAL  EPISTLE 

OF 

HUDIBRAS  TO  SIDROPHEL,^ 

Ecce  iterum  Crispinns. 

Weix,  Sidrophel,  tlio'  'tis  in  vain 

To  tamper  with  your  crazy  brain, 

Without  trepanning  of  your  skull,t 

As  often  as  the  moon's  at  full, 

'Tis  not  amiss,  ere  ye  're  giv'n  o'er,  S 

To  try  one  desp'rate  med'cine  more  ; 

For  where  your  case  can  be  no  worse, 

The  desp'rat'st  is  the  wisest  course. 

Is't  possible  that  you,  whose  ears 

Are  of  the  tribe  of  Issachar's,t  10 


*  This  Epistle  was  not  put)lished  till  many  years  after  the 
preceding  canto,  and  has  no  relation  to  the  character  there  de- 
scribed. Sidrophel,  in  the  poem,  is  a  knavish  fortune-teller, 
whose  iKnorance  is  compensated  by  a  large  share  of  cunning,  la 
the  Epistle  he  is  ignorant  indeed,  but  the  defect  is  made  up  by 
conceitedness,  assurance,  and  a  solemn  exterior.  It  should  seem 
that  Mr.  Butler  had  received  an  affront  or  injury  from  some  per 
son  of  moderate  abilities,  who  had  obtained,  notwithstanding,  a 
respectable  situation,  and  stood  high  in  the  opinion  of  the  world  • 
and  that  he  addressed  the  offending  party  by  the  title  of  Sidro- 
phel, becaitse  he  had  already  applied  this  name  to  a  vain  pre- 
tender to  science,  and  had  already  made  it  contemptible.  The 
style  is  serious,  the  remarks  are  pointed  and  severe ;  and  he 
author  does  not  hold  up  the  character  here  in  his  usual  way,  as 
an  object  of  ridicule,  but  gravely  upbraids  the  man  as  a  credu- 
lous assuming  liar,  in  a  manner  that  more  resembles  the  acrimo- 
ny of  Juvenal,  than  the  delicacy  of  Horace.  I  could  wish  that 
this  Epistle  had  been  consigned  to  oblivion,  or  else  published 
in  some  other  part  of  his  works.  But  it  has  appeared  so  long 
in  this  place,  that  1  have  not  thought  myself  at  liberty  to  re- 
ject it. 

t  A  chinirgical  operation  to  remove  part  of  the  skull,  when  it 
presses  upon  the  brain.  It  is  said  to  have  restored  the  under- 
standing, and  was  proposed  as  a  remedy  for  the  disorder  with 
which  Dean  Swift  was  afflicted. 

t  Alluding  to  Genesis  xlix.  14 :  "  Issachar  is  a  strong  ass." 


HUDIBRAS  TO  SIDROPHEL.  305 

And  might,  with  equal  reason,  euher 

For  merit,  or  extent  of  leather, 

With  William  Pryn's,  before  they  were 

Rctrench'd,  and  crucify'd,  compare, 

Shou'd  yet  be  deaf  against  a  noise  IS 

So  roaring  as  the  public  voice  ? 

That  speaks  your  virtues  free  and  loud, 

And  openly  in  ev'ry  crowd. 

As  loud  as  one  that  sings  his  part 

T'  a  wheel-barrow,  or  turnip-cart,  30 

Or  your  new  nick-nam'd  old  invention 

To  cry  green-hastings  with  an  engine  ;* 

As  if  the  vehemence  had  stunn'd. 

And  torn  your  drum-heads  with  the  sound  ;t 

And  'cause  your  folly's  now  no  news,  25 

But  overgrown,  and  out  of  use, 

Persuade  yourself  there's  no  such  matter,t 

But  that  'tis  vanish'd  out  of  nature  ; 

When  folly,  as  it  grows  in  years. 

The  more  extravagant  appears  ;  30 

For  who  but  you  could  be  possest 

With  so  much  ignorance  and  beast. 

That  neither  all  men's  scorn  and  hate, 

Nor  being  laugh'd  and  pointed  at, 

Nor  bray'd  so  often  in  a  mortar,§  35 

*  Green-hastings  was  a  well-known  apple  formerly,  thoush 
not  mentioned  in  Philips's  Cider :  winter-hastings  is  a  well- 
known  pear.  Dust-men  and  news-carriers  in  London  sound  a 
trumpet  or  ring  a  bell,  to  avoid  a  continual  exertion  of  the  voice. 
Way  not  this  passage  point  at  the  improvement  of  the  speaking- 
trumpet  newly  invented  by  Sir  Samuel  Morland  1 

[Hastings,  from  hasty.  Peas  that  come  early.  See  Todd's 
Johnson,  where  this  passage  is  quoted.  The  London  crier  uses 
it  only  for  peas.] 

t  Drum-heads,  that  is,  the  drum  of  your  ears. 

i  i.  e.  is  it  possible  that  you  should  persuade  yourself. 

§  Bray'd,  from  the  Saxon  word  bpacan,  to  pound  or  grind. 
"Though  thou  shouldest  bray  a  fool  in  a  mortar  among  wheat 
"with  a  pestle,  yet  will  not  his  foolishness  depart  from  him." 
Prov.  xxvii.  22.  Anaxarchus  was  pounded  in  a  mortar  by  order 
of  Nicocreon,  tyrant  of  Cyprus : 

Aut  ut  Anaxarchus  pillii  minuaris  in  alti 
Jactaquc  pro  solitis  iVugibus  ossa  sonent. 

Ovid,  in  Ibin.  571. 

Some  of  the  primitive  martyrs  were  ground  in  mills  ;  as  Victoi 
of  Marseilles,  under  Maximian.  "  Martyrem  toto  mox  corpore 
"rotatu  celeri  conterendum  pistoriae  moli  supponnnt:  Tuncelec- 
"tum  Dei  frumentum  sine  miseratione  conterilur."  Passio  Vic- 
toris  Massiliensis,  apud  Coloniesii  opera,  p.  729.  St.  Ignatius, 
perhaps,  alludes  to  this  species  of  punishment  in  his  Epistles  to 
the  Romans,  ch.  iv. :  all  6s  tifu  Ocov  koI  fil  ii6vTii>v  5rip(u>v  aXij- 


306  HUDIBRAS  TO  SIDROPHEL. 

Can  teach  you  wliolesome  sense  and  nurture, 

But,  l&e  a  reprobate,  what  course 

Soever  us'd,  grow  worse  and  worse  ? 

Can  no  transfusion  of  the  blood, 

That  makes  fools  cattle,  do  you  good?'*  40 

Nor  putting  pigs  to  a  bitch  to  nurse, 

To  turn  them  into  mongrel  curs  :t 

Put  you  into  a  way,  at  least. 

To  make  yourself  a  better  beast  ? 

Can  all  your  critical  intrigues,  45 

Of  trying  sound  from  rotten  eggs  ;t 

Your  sev'ral  new-found  remedies. 

Of  curing  wounds  and  scabs  in  trees  ; 

Your  arts  of  fluxing  them  for  claps, 

And  purging  their  infected  saps  •  50 


doiiat,  iva  KaOapbs  apro;  elpedu)  Tou  Xpiarov.  Again,  iXtitrfiol 
iiXov  Tov  (7u)/iarof.  ibid.  And  I  have  little  doubt  but  the  words 
Apra/Kwv  aXTiujxoi,  in  Eunapius's  Life  of  Maxiraus,  p.  83,  Genev. 
ed.,  which  have  given  the  critics  so  much  trouble,  relate  to  a 
similar  act  of  cruelty. 

M'urturc  here  means  breeding,  or  good  manners.  Thus  Chats 
cer  in  his  Reves  Tale,  line  3965  ; 

What  for  hire  kinrede,  and  hire  nortekie, 
That  slie  had  lerned  in  the  nonnerie. 

*  In  the  last  century  several  persons  thought  it  worth  their 
while  to  transfuse  the  blood  of  one  living  creature  into  the  veins 
of  another ;  and,  if  we  may  believe  their  account,  the  operation 
had  good  effects.  It  has  even  been  performed  on  human  sub- 
jects. Dr.  Mackenzie  has  described  the  process  in  his  History 
of  Health,  p.  431.  He  seems  to  think  that  the  transfusion  of 
blood  had  not  a  fair  trial,  and  that  the  e,xperiment3  might  have 
been  puslied  farther.  Dr.  Lower  and  others  countenanced  this 
practice.  Sir  Edmund  King,  a  favorite  of  Charles  II.,  was  among 
the  philosophers  of  his  time,  who  made  the  famous  experiment 
of  transfusing  the  blood  of  one  animal  into  another.  See  Phil. 
Trans,  abr.iii.  224,  and  the  additions  and  corrections  to  Pennant's 
London.  His  picture  is  in  the  College  of  Physicians.  ShadweU 
ridicules  this  practice  in  his  Virtuoso,  where  Sir  Nicholas  Gim- 
crack  relates  some  experiments  of  this  transfusion  and  their  ef- 
fects. The  lines  from  v.  39  to  59,  allude  to  various  projects  of 
the  first  establishers  of  the  Royal  Society.  See  Birch's  history 
of  that  body,  vol.  i.  303 ;  vol.  ii.  48,  50,  54,  115,  117,  123,  125,  101, 
312.  See  also  Ward's  Gresham  Professors,  pp.  101,  273.  That 
makes  fools  cattle,  1.  e.  more  valuable  at  least  than  they  were 
before ;  or  perhaps  makes  them  greater  fools  than  they  were 
before. 

t  As  a  note  on  these  lines,  a  curious  story  from  Glraldus  Cam- 
brensis,  of  a  sow  that  was  suckled  by  a  bitch,  and  acquired  the 
sagacity  of  a  hound  or  spaniel.  See  Butler's  Remains,  vol 
i.  p.  12. 

X  On  the  first  establishment  of  the  Royal  Society,  some  of  the 
members  engaged  in  the  investigation  of  these  and  similar  sub- 
jects.    The  society  was  incorporated  July  15,  16U2. 


HUDIBRAS  TO  SIDROPHEL,  307 

Recovering  shankers,  crystallines, 

And  nodes  and  blotches  in  their  reins, 

Have  no  effect  to  operate 

Upon  that  duller  block,  your  pate  ? 

But  still  it  must  be  lewdly  bent  55 

To  tempt  your  own  due  punishment ; 

And,  like  your  whimsy'd  chariots,*  draw 

The  boys  to  course  you  without  law  ;t 

As  if  the  art  you  have  so  long 

Profess'd,  of  making  old  dogs  young.t  60 

In  you  had  virtue  to  renew 

Not  only  youth,  but  childhood  too  : 

Can  you,  that  understand  all  books. 

By  judging  only  with  your  looks. 

Resolve  ail  problems  with  your  face,  SS 

As  others  do  with  B's  and  A's  ; 

Unriddle  all  that  mankind  knows 

With  solid  bending  of  your  brows  ? 

All  arts  and  sciences  advance. 

With  screwing  of  your  countenance,  70 

And  with  a  penetrating  eye. 

Into  th'  abstrusest  learning  pry  ; 

Know  more  of  any  trade  b'  a  hint, 

Than  those  that  have  been  bred  up  in't,§ 

And  yet  have  no  art,  true  or  false,  75 

To  help  your  own  bad  naturals  ? 

But  still  the  more  you  strive  t'  appear, 

Are  found  to  be  the  wrctcheder  : 

For  fools  are  known  by  looking  wise, 

*  I  know  not  the  scheme  proposed  by  the  society,  perhaps  the 
chariot  to  go  with  legs  instead  of  wheels,  as  mentioned  before  ; 
or  perhaps  they  might  hope  to  introduce  the  famous  chariot  of 
Stevinus,  which  was  moved  by  sails,  and  carried  twenty-eigh 
passengers,  among  whom  were  prince  Maurice,  Buzanval,  and 
Grotius,  over  the  sands  of  Scheveling,  fourteen  Dutch  miles,  in 
two  hours,  as  Grotius  himself  affirms.  . 

t  That  is,  to  follow  you  close  at  the  heels :  to  give  law 
among  sportsmen  is  to  let  the  creature  that  is  to  be  hunted  run 
a  considerable  way  before  the  dogs  are  suffered  to  pursue. — See 
Remains. 

t  See  Butler's  Genuine  Remains,  vol.  ii.  188.  His  want  of 
judgment  inclines  him  naturally  to  the  most  extravagant  under- 
takings, like  that  of  "making  old  dogs  young;  stopping  up  of 
words  in  bottles,"  &c. 

§  Printing  was  invented  by  a  soldier,  gunpowder  by  a  monk, 
and  several  branches  of  the  clothing  trade  by  a  bishop  :  this  is 
said  agreeably  to  the  vulgar  notion  concerning  Bishop  Blaze,  the 
patron  saint  of  the  wool-combers.  But  he  obtained  that  honor, 
not  on  account  of  any  improvements  he  made  in  the  trade,  but 
because  he  suffered  martyrdom  by  having  his  flesh  torn  by  card 
ing-irons.    See  the  Martyrology  for  the  third  of  February. 


308  HUDIBRAS  TO  SIDROPHEL. 

As  men  find  woodcocks  by  their  eyes.  80 

Hence  'tis  because  ye  've  gained  o'  th'  college* 

A  quarter  share,  at  most,  of  knowledge, 

And  brought  in  none,  but  spent  repute, 

Y'  assume  a  pow'r  as  absolute 

To  judge,  and  censure,  and  controll,  8S 

As  if  you  were  the  sole  sir  Poll, 

And  saucily  pretend  to  know 

More  than  your  dividend  comes  to  : 

You'll  find  the  thing  will  not  be  done 

With  ignorance  and  face  alone  ;  90 

No,  tho'  ye  've  purchas'd  to  your  name. 

In  history,  so  great  a  fame  ;t 

That  now  your  talent's  so  well-known, 

For  having  all  belief  out-grown, 

That  ev'ry  strange  prodigious  tale  95 

Is  measur'd  by  your  German  scale,t 

By  which  tho  virtuosi  try 

The  magnitude  of  ev'ry  lie, 

Cast  up  to  what  it  does  amount, 


*  Though  the  Royal  Society  removed  from  Gresham  College 
on  account  of  the  fire  of  London,  it  returned  there  again,  1674, 
I'.einj!  the  year  in  which  this  Epistle  was  published. 

t  I  am  inclined  to  think  that  the  character  of  Sidrophel,  in  this 
Epistle,  was  designed  rather  for  Sir  Paul  Neile  than  for  Lilly,  or 
perhaps  has  some  strokes  at  both  of  them,  notwithstanding  Dr. 
Grey's  thinking  that  "these  two  lines  plainly  discover  that  Lilly 
"  (and  not  Sir  Paul  Neal)  was  lashed  under  the  name  of  Sidro- 
"phel;  for  Lilly's  fame  abroad  was  indisputable."  The  poet 
seems  to  allude  to  Sir  Paul  in  the  eighty-sixth  line,  as  he  had 
before  done  to  Sir  Samuel  Luke.  Sir  Paul  had  otTendod  Mr.  But- 
ler by  saying  that  he  was  not  the  author  of  Hudibras;  or  per- 
haps Sir  Poll  here  might  allude  to  Sir  Politick  Would-be  in  Ben 
Jonson's  Volpone.  In  history,  some  historians  as  well  as  trav- 
ellers have  been  famous  for  telling  wonderful  lies  or  stories;  or, 
perhaps,  a  glance  might  be  here  intended  at  Sprat's  History  of 
the  Royal  Society.  Mr.  Thyer,  in  Butler's  Remains,  says  "  he 
"can  assure  the  reader,  upon  the  poet's  own  authority,  that  the 
"character  of  Sidrophel  was  intended  for  a  picture  of  Sir  Paul 
"  Neile,  who  was  son  of  Richard  Neile,  (whose  father  was  a 
"  chandler  in  Westminster,)  who,  as  Anthony  Wood  says,  went 
"  through  all  degrees  and  orders  in  the  church,  schoolmaster,  cu- 
"rate,  vicar,  &c.  &c.  and  at  last  was  archbishop  of  York."  Sir 
Paul  was  one  of  the  first  establishers  of  the  Royal  Society: 
which  society,  in  the  dawn  of  science,  listening  to  many  things 
that  appeared  trifling  and  increilihie  to  the  generality  of  the  peo 
pie,  became  the  butt  and  sport  of  the  wits  of  the  times.  Browne 
Willis,  in  his  Survey  of  York  Cathedral,  says,  that  archbishop 
Neile  left  his  son  Sir  Paul  Neile  executor,  whom,  though  he  left 
rich,  (as  he  did  his  wife  30IW.  a  year  for  her  life.)  yet  he  soon  run 
it  out,  without  affording  his  father  a  gravestone. 

t  All  incredible  stories  are  now  measured  by  your  standard. 
One  German  mile  is  equal  to  four  miles  English  cr  Italian. 


HUDIBRAS  TO  SIDROPHEL.  309 

And  place  the  bigg'st  to  your  account ;  100 

That  all  those  stones  that  are  laid 

Too  truly  to  you,  and  those  madej 

Are  now  still  charg'd  upon  your  score, 

And  lesser  authors  nam'd  no  more. 

Alas',  that  faculty  betrays      .  105 

Those  soonest  it  designs  to  raise  ; 

And  all  your  vain  renown  will  spoil, 

As  guns  o'ercharg'd  the  more  recoil ; 

Though  he  that  has  but  impudence, 

To  all  things  has  a  fair  pretence ;  110 

And  put  among  his  wants  but  shame, 

To  all  the  world  may  lay  his  claim : 

Tho'  you  have  tried  that  nothing's  borne 

With  greater  ease  than  public  scorn, 

That  all  affronts  do  still  give  place  115 

To  your  impenetrable  face  ; 

That  makes  your  way  thro'  all  affairs, 

As  pigs  thro'  hedges  creep  with  theirs  ; 

Yet  as  'tis  counterfeit  and  brass. 

You  must  not  think  'twill  always  pass  ;  120 

For  all  impostors,  when  they're  known. 

Are  past  their  labour,  and  undone : 

And  all  the  best  that  c^n  befal 

An  artificial  natural. 

Is  that  which  madmen  find,  as  soon  125 

As  once  they've  broke  loose  from  the  moon, 

And  proof  against  her  influence, 

Relapse  to  e'er  so  little  sense, 

To  turn  stark  fools,  and  subjects  fit 

For  suart  of  boys,  and  n  bble-wit  IM 


PART  III.     CANTO  L 

THE   ARGUMENT. 


Tnh  Knight  and  Squire  resolve  at  once, 
The  one  the  other  to  rei\punce  ; 
They  both  approach  the  Lady's  bower, 
The  Squire  t'  inform,  the  Knight  to  woo  h« 
She  treats  them  with  a  masquerade, 
By  furies  and  hobgoblins  made  ; 
From  which  the  Squire  conveys  the  Knightf 
And  steals  him  from  himself  by  night 


HUDIBEAS. 


PART  III.    CANTO  I. 

'Tis  true,  no  lover  has  that  pow'r 

T'  enforce  a  desperate  amour, 

As  he  that  has  two  strings  to's  bow, 

And  burns  for  love  and  money  too  ; 

For  then  he's  brave  and  resolute,  S 

Disdains  to  render  in  his  suit  ;* 

Has  ail  his  flames  and  raptures  double, 

And  hangs  or  drowns  with  half  the  trouble; 

While  those  who  sillily  pm^sue 

The  simple  downright  way,  and  true,  10 

Make  as  unlucky  applications, 

And  steer  against  the  stream  their  passions. 

Some  forge  their  mistresses  of  stars. 

And  when  the  ladies  prove  averse, 

And  more  untoward  to  be  won  13 

Than  by  Caligula  the  moon,t 

Cry  out  upon  the  stars  for  doing 

111  offices,  to  cross  their  wooing, 

When  only  by  themselves  they're  hindred, 

For  tnistiug  those  they  made  her  kindred,t  20 

And  still  the  harsher  and  hide-bounder. 

The  damsels  prove,  become  the  fonder  ; 


*  That  is  surrender,  or  give  up  :  from  the  French. 

t  This  was  one  of  the  extravagant  follies  of  Caligula :  "  Caius 
noctibus  quidem  plenam  fulgentemque  lunain  invitabat  assidu6 
in  amplesus,  atque  concubitum."  Suetonius,  in  vita  C.  Calig 
sect.  22. 

±  The  meaning  is,  that  when  men  have  flattered  their  mis- 
tresses extravagantly,  and  declared  them  to  be  possessed  of  ac- 
complishments more  than  human ;  they  must  not  be  surprised 
if  they  are  treated  in  return  with  that  distant  reserve  which  be- 
ings of  a  superior  order  may  rightly  exercise  toward  inferior  de- 
pendent creatures  :  nor  have  they  room  for  complaint,  since  the 
injury  which  they  sustain  is  an  effect  of  their  own  indiscretion. 


312  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  in 

For  what  mad  lover  ever  dy'd 
To  gain  a  soft  and  gentle  bride  ? 
Or  for  a  lady  tender-hearted,  25 

In  purling  streams  or  hemp  departed? 
Leap'd  headlong  int'  Elysium, 
Thro'  th'  windows  of  a  dazzling  room  7* 
But  for  some  cross  lU-natur'd  dame. 
The  am'rous  fly  burnt  in  his  flame.  30 

This  to  the  Knight  could  be  no  news, 
With  all  mankind  so  much  in  use  ; 
Who  therefore  took  the  wiser  course, 
To  make  the  most  of  his  amours, 
Resolv'd  to  try  all  sorts  of  ways,  35 

As  follows  in  due  time  and  place. 
No  sooner  was  the  bloody  fight 
Between  the  wizard  and  the  knight, 
With  all  th'  appurtenances  over. 
But  he  relaps'd  again  t'  a  lover ;  40 

As  he  was  always  wont  to  do. 
When  he  'ad  discomfited  a  foe, 
And  us'd  the  only  antique  philters, 
Deriv'd  from  old  heroic  tilters.t 

But  now  triumphant  and  victorious,  45 

He  held  th'  atchievement  was  too  glorious 
For  such  a  conqueror  to  meddle 
With  petty  constable  or  beadle  ; 
Or  fly  for  refuge  to  the  hostess 

Of  th'  inns  of  court  and  chanc'ry,  justice  ;  50 

Who  might,  perhaps,  reduce  his  cause 
To  th'  ordeal  trial  of  the  laws  d 


*  Drowned  themselves.  Objects  reflected  by  water  appear 
nearly  the  same  as  when  they  are  viewed  through  a  window, 
or  through  the  windows  of  a  room  so  high  from  the  ground  that 
it  dazzles  one  to  look  down  from  it.  Thus  Juvenal,  Sat.  vi.  v. 
31.  Altae  caligantesque  fenestr2e :  which  Holyday  translates, 
dazzling  high  windows.  'HXar'd^'  vtprjyov  rdxtos  eh  ^'t6r]v, 
Callimachus,  Ep.  29,  where  'Aiivv  does  not  mean  hell,  but  the 
place  of  departed  souls,  comprehending  both  Elysium  and  Tar 
tarus. 

t  The  heroes  of  romance  endeavored  to  conciliate  the  aft'ec- 
lions  of  their  mistresses  by  the  lame  of  their  illustrious  exploits. 
So  was  Desdemona  won.    Shakspeare's  Othello,  Act  i. 
"  She  loved  me  for  the  dangers  1  had  past. ' 

i  Ordeal  comes  from  the  Anglo-Saxon  ojibal,  which  is  also 
derived  from  the  Teulonic,  and  signifies  judgment.  The  meth- 
ods of  trial  by  fire,  water,  or  combat,  were  in  use  till  the  time  of 
Henry  III.,  and  the  right  of  exercising  them  was  annexed  to  seve- 
ral lordships  or  manors.  At  this  day,  when  a  culprit  is  arraigned 
at  the  bar,  and  asked  how  he  wiU  be  tried,  he  is  directed  to  an- 


Canto  i.]  HUDIBllAS.  313 

Where  none  escape,  but  such  as  branded, 

With  red-hot  irons,  have  past  bare-handed ; 

And  if  they  cannot  read  one  verse  55 

I'  th'  psahns,  must  sing  it,  and  that's  worse.* 

He,  therefore,  judging  it  below  him. 

To  tempt  a  shame  the  dev'l  miglit  owe  him» 

Resolv'd  to  leave  the  Squire  for  bail 

And  mainprize  for  him,  to  the  jail,  CO 

To  answer,  with  his  vessel,  allt 

That  might  disastrously  befall. 

He  thought  it  now  the  fittest  juncture 

To  give  the  Lady  a  rencounter  ; 

T'  acquaint  her  with  his  expedition,  65 

And  conquest  o'er  the  fierce  magician  ; 

Describe  the  manner  of  the  fray. 

And  shew  the  spoils  he  brought  away ; 

His  bloody  scourging  aggravate. 

The  number  of  the  blows  and  weight :  70 

All  which  might  probably  succeed. 

And  gain  belief  he  'ad  done  the  deed  : 

Which  he  resolv'd  t'  enforce  and  spare 

No  pawning  of  his  soul  to  swear ; 

But,  rather  than  produce  his  back,  75 

To  set  his  conscience  on  the  rack  ; 

And,  in  pursuance  of  his  urging 

Of  articles  perform'd,  and  scourging, 

And  all  things  else,  upon  his  part, 

Demand  delivery  ot  her  heart,  80. 

Her  goods  and  chattels,  and  good  graces, 

And  person,  up  to  his  embraces. 

Thought  he,  the  ancient  errant  knights 

Won  all  their  ladies'  hearts  in  fights, 

And  cut  whole  giants  into  fitters,!  85 


swer,  "by  God  and  my  country,"  by  the  verdict  or  solemn  opin- 
ion of  a  jury.  "  By  God"  only,  would  formeriy  have  meant  tho 
ordeal,  which  referred  the  case  immediately  to  the  divine  judg- 
ment. 

*  When  persons  claimed  the  benefit  of  clergj',  they  were  re- 
quired to  read  a  verse  in  the  Bible,  Rcnerally  in  the  Psalms.  It 
was  usual,  too,  for  the  clergyman  who  attended  an  execution,  to 
give  out  a  ^jsalm  to  be  sung.  5o  that  the  common  people  said, 
if  they  could  not  read  their  neck  verse  at  sessions,  they  must 
sing  it  at  the  gallows. 

t  In  this  term  the  saints  unwittingly  concurred  w  th  the  grave 
old  philosophers,  who  termed  the  body  oKevoi. 

t  Some  editions  read  fritters ;  but  the  corrected  one  of  1678 
has  Jitters,  a  phrase  often  used  by  romance  writers,  very  frequent- 
ly by  the  author  of  the  Romant  of  Roniants.  Our  author  joins 
14 


314  HUDIBRAS.  [Pmt  m^ 

To  put  them  into  am'rous  twitters ; 

Whiose  stubborn  bowels  scorn'd  to  yield, 

Until  their  gallants  were  half  kill'd  ; 

But  when  their  bones  were  drubb'd  so  sore, 

They  durst  not  woo  one  combat  more,  90 

The  ladies'  hearts  began  to  melt, 

Subdu'd  by  blows  their  lovers  felt. 

So  Spanish  heroes,  with  their  lances, 

At  once  wound  bulls  and  ladies'  fancies  ;* 

And  he  acquires  the  noblest  spouse  95 

That  widows  greatest  herds  of  cows  ; 

Then  what  may  I  expect  to  do, 

Who  've  quelled  so  vast  a  buffalo  ? 

Meanwhile  the  Squire  was  on  his  way. 
The  Knight's  late  orders  to  obey  ;  ..00 

Who  sent  him  for  a  strong  detachment 
Of  beadles,  constables  and  watchmen, 
T'  attack  the  cunning  man  for  plunder 
Committed  falsely  on  his  lumber  ; 
When  he,  who  had  so  lately  sack'd  105 

The  enemy,  had  done  tiie  fact. 
Had  rifled  all  his  pokes  and  fobs 
Of  gimcracks,  whims,  and  jiggumbobs. 
Which  he  by  hook  or  crook  had  gather'd, 
And  for  his  own  inventions  father'd :  110 

And  when  they  should,  at  jail-delivery, 
Unriddle  one  another's  thievery. 
Both  might  have  evidence  enough 
To  render  neither  halter-proof.t 

He  thought  it  desperate  to  tarry,  115 

And  venture  to  be  accessory ; 
But  rather  wisely  slip  his  fetters. 
And  leave  them  for  the  Knight,  his  betters. 
He  call'd  to  mind  th'  unjust  foul  play 
He  would  have  olFer'd  him  that  day,  120 


with  Cervantes  in  burlesquing  the  subjects  and  style  of  roroan 
ces.    [Fitters,  small  fragments,  from  fetta,  Ital.  fetzen,  Germ. 
They  look  and  see  the  stones,  the  words,  and  letters, 
All  cut  and  mangled,  in  a  thousand  ^tter*. 

Harrington's  Ariosto,  xxiv.  40. 

*  The  bnll-feasts  at  Madrid  have  been  frequently  described 
The  ladies  take  a  zealous  part  at  these  combats. 

t  The  mutual  accusations  of  the  knight  and  Sidrophel,  if  es- 
tablished, might  hang  both  of  them.  Halter-proof  is  to  be  in  no 
langer  from  a  halter,  as  musket-proof  in  no  danger  from  a  mus- 
sel :  to  render  neither  halter-proof  is  to  render  both  in  danger  of 
being  hanged. 


Canto  i.]  HUDIBRAS,  313 

To  make  him  curry  his  own  hide, 

Wiiich  no  beast  ever  did  beside, 

Witliout  all  possible  evasion. 

But  of  the  riding  dispensation  :* 

And  therefore,  mucii  about  the  hour  125 

The  Kniglit,  for  reason  told  before, 

Resolv'd  to  leave  him  to  the  fury 

Of  justice,  and  an  unpack'd  jury, 

The  Squire  concurr'd  to  abandon  him, 

And  serve  him  in  the  self-same  trim  ;t  130 

T'  acquaint  the  Lady  what  h'  had  done. 

And  what  he  meant  to  carry  on  ; 

What  project  't  was  he  went  about. 

When  Sidrophel  and  he  fell  out ; 

His  firm  and  stedfast  resolution,  135 

To  swear  her  to  an  execution  ;t 

To  pawn  his  inward  ears  to  marry  her,§ 

And  bribe  the  devil  himself  to  carry  her 

In  which  both  dealt,  as  if  they  meant 

Their  party  saints  to  represent,  140 

Who  never  faif  d,  upon  their  sharing 

In  any  prosperous  arms-bearing. 

To  lay  themselves  out  to  supplant 

Each  other  cousin-german  saint. 

But  ere  the  Knight  could  do  his  part,  ^      145 

The  Squire  had  got  so  much  the  start. 

He  'ad  to  the  lady  done  his  errand. 

And  told  her  all  his  tricks  aforehand. 


*  Ralpho  considers  chat  he  should  not  have  escaped  the  whip- 
ping intended  for  him  by  the  linight,  if  their  dispute  had  not 
been  interrupted  by  the  riding-shew,  or  skimmington. 

t  The  author  has  long  had  an  eye  to  the  selfishness  and 
treachery  of  the  leading  parties,  the'  Presbyterians  and  Inde- 
pendents.   A  few  lines  below  he  speaks  more  plainly  : 

In  which  both  dealt  as  if  they  meant 
Their  party  saints  to  represent, 
Who  never  fail'd,  upon  their  sharing 
In  any  prosperous  arms-bearing. 
To  lay  themselves  out  to  supplant 
Each  other  cousin-german  saint. 

The  reader  will  remember  that  Hudibras  represents  the  Pres- 
byterians, and  Ralpho  the  Independents:  this  scene  therefore 
alludes  to  the  manner  in  which  the  latter  supplanted  the  formei 
in  the  civil  war. 

t  To  swear  he  had  undergone  the  stipulated  whipping,  and 
then  demand  the  performance  of  her  part  of  the  bargain. 

$  His  honor  and  conscience,  which  might  forfeit  some  of  theii 
immunities  by  perjar>',  as  the  outward  ears  do  for  the  same  crime 
in  the  sentence  of  the  statute  law 


316  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  m 

Just  as  he  finish'd  his  report, 
The  Knight  alighted  in  the  court,  15C 

And  having  ty'd  his  beast  t'  a  pale. 
And  taking  time  for  both  to  stale, 
He  put  his  band  and  beard  in  order. 
The  sprucer  to  accost  and  board  her  :* 
And  now  began  t'  approach  the  door,  155 

When  she,  wh'  hadspy'd  him  out  before, 
Convey'd  th'  informer  out  of  sight. 
And  went  to  entertain  the  Knight : 
With  whom  encountering,  after  lougeest 
Of  humble  and  submissive  congees,  »  160 

And  all  duo  ceremonies  paid. 
He  strok'd  his  beard  and  thus  he  said  :t 

Madam,  I  do,  as  is  my  duty, 
Honour  the  shadow  of  your  shoe-tie  ;§ 
And  now  am  come,  to  bring  your  eai  165 

A  present  you'll  be  glad  to  hear  ; 
At  least  I  hope  so  :  the  thing's  done, 
Or  may  I  never  see  the  sun  ; 
For  which  I  humbly  now  demand 
Performance  at  your  gentle  hand  ;  170 

And  that  you'd  please  to  do  your  part, 
As  I  have  done  mine  to  my  smart. 


■*  Thus  Polonius : 

Away,  I  do  beseech  you,  both  away ; 

I'll  board  him  presently. — O,  give  ine  leave. — 

How  does  my  good  lord  Hamlet  1 

t  That  is,  after  darting  himself  forward,  as  fencers  do  when 
they  make  a  thrust. 

+  Nee  tamen  ante  adiit,  etsi  properabat  adire, 

Quam  se  composuit,  quam  circumspexit  amictus, 

Et  finxit  vultum,  et  meruit  forniosa  videri ; 

Tunc  sic  orsa  loqui.  Ovid.  Metam.  1.  iv.  1.  317. 

Thus  Cleveland,  iu  his  poem  on  the  Mixed  Assembly,  p.  43  • 

That  Isaac  might  go  stroke  his  beard,  and  sit 
Judge  of  els  aiov  and  elegerit. 

In  Sir  Philip  Sidney's  Arcadia,  lib.  iii.  p.  349.  "  Afid  now 
•being  come  within  compass  of  discerning  her,  he  began  to 
"  frame  the  loveliest  countenance  that  he  could  ;  stroking  nphia 
"  legs,  setting  up  his  beard  in  due  order,  and  standing  bolt  up 
"right." 

^  [Mr.  Todd  finds  this  rhyme  used  before  by  Crashaw,  in  hi» 
Delights  of  the  Muses,  published  in  1646  : 

I  wish  her  beauty, 
That  owes  not  all  its  duty 
To  gaudy  tire,  or  glistering  shoe-ty.] 


Canto  I]  HUDIBRAS.  317 

With  that  he  shmgg'd  his  sturdy  back, 
As  if  he  felt  his  shoulders  ake  : 

But  she,  who  well  enough  knew  what,  175 

Before  he  spoke,  he  would  bo  at. 
Pretended  not  to  apprehend 
The  mystery  of  what  he  mean'd. 
And  therefore  wish'd  him  to  expound 
His  dark  expressions  less  profound.  180 

Madam,  quoth  he,  I  come  to  prove 
How  much  I've  sufFer'd  for  your  love. 
Which,  like  your  votary,  to  win, 
I  have  not  spar'd  my  tatter'd  skin  ;* 
And,  for  those  meritorious  lashes,  185 

To  claim  your  favour  and  good  graces. 

Quoth  she,  I  do  remember  oncet 
I  freed  you  from  th'  enchanted  sconce  ;t 
And  that  you  promis'd,  for  that  favour. 
To  bind  your  back  to  th'  good  behaviour,§  190 

And  for  my  sake  and  service,  vow'd 
To  lay  upon  't  a  heavy  load, 
And  what  't  would  bear  to  a  scruple  prove, 
As  other  knights  do  oft'  make  love. 
Which,  whether  you  have  done  or  no,  19^ 

Concerns  yourself,  not  me,  to  know  ; 
But  if  you  have,  I  shall  confess, 
Y'  are  honester  than  I  could  guess. 

Quoth  he,  If  you  suspect  my  troth, 
I  cannot  prove  it  but  by  oath  ;  200 

And,  if  you  make  a  question  on't, 
I'll  pawn  my  soul  that  I  have  don't : 
And  he  that  makes  his  soul  his  surety, 
I  think  does  give  the  best  security. 

Quoth  she,  Some  say  the  soul's  secure  205 

Against  distress  and  forfeiture  ; 
Is  free  from  action,  and  exempt 
From  execution  and  contempt ; 
And  to  be  summon'd  to  appear 
In  th'  other  world's  illegal  here,]]  210 

*  Roman  Catholics  used  to  scourge  themselves  before  the 
image  of  a  favorite  saint. 

t  The  lady  here  vvith  affected  drollery  says  once,  as  if  the 
event  had  happened  some  time  before,  though  in  reality  it  was 
only  ihe  preceding  day. 

t  From  the  stocks. 

^  It  should  seem  a  better  reading  would  be,  as  in  the  latei 
editions, 

To  bind  your  back  to  'ts  good  behaviour. 

U  Alluding  to  the  famous  story  of  Peter  and  John  de  Catra 


318  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  m 

And  therefore  few  make  any  account, 

Int'  what  incumbrances  they  run't : 

J-or  most  men  carry  things  so  even 

Between  this  world,  and  hell,  and  heaven,* 

Without  the  least  offence  to  either,  215 

They  freely  deal  in  all  together, 

And  equally  abhor  to  quit 

This  world  for  both,  or  both  for  it : 

And  when  they  pawn  and  damn  their  souls, 

They  are  but  pris'ners  on  paroles  220 

For  that,  quoth  he,  'tis  rational. 
They  may  be  accountable  in  all  :t 
For  when  there  is  that  intercourse 
Between  divine  and  human  pow'rs. 
That  all  that  we  determine  here  225 

Commands  obedience  ev'ry  where  ;t 
When  penalties  may  be  commuted^ 
For  fines,  or  ears,  and  executed, 
It  follows,  nothing  binds  so  fast 

As  souls  in  pawn  and  mortgage  past :  230 

For  oaths  are  the  only  tests  and  scales 
Of  right  and  wrong,  and  true  and  false ; 
And  there's  no  other  way  to  try 
The  doubts  of  law  and  justice  by. 

Quoth  she,  What  is  it  you  would  swear?  235 

There's  no  believing  till  I  hear : 
For,  'till  they're  understood,  all  tales. 
Like  nonsense,  are  not  true  nor  false. 


jal,  who,  being  unjustly  condemned  for  murder,  and  taken  for 
execution,  summoned  ttie  king,  Ferdinand  the  Fourth  of  Ppain, 
to  appear  before  God's  tribunal  in  thirty  days.  The  king  laughed 
at  the  summons  ;  but,  though  he  remained  apparently  in  good 
health  on  the  day  before,  he  died  on  the  thirtieth  day.  Mariana 
says,  there  can  be  no  doubt  of  the  trath  of  this  story. 

*  That  is,  between  this  world  and  the  next,  or  a  future  state. 
Men  have  dealings  without  any  scruple  in  both  at  the  same 
time  ;  that  is,  they  are  not  so  completely  good  as  not  to  have 
some  concern  for  this,  nor  yet  so  con)pletely  wicked  as  not  to 
have  snme  for  the  next ;  they  have  an  equal  abhorrence  at  the 
thoughts  of  quitting  this  world  for  the  next,  of  forsaking  their 
manner  of  living  on  account  of  their  belief  of  a  future  state: 
or  quitting  the  next  world  for  this,  that  is.  of  forsaking  their  be- 
lief of  a  future  state  on  account  of  their  enjoyments  of  this 
world. 

t  That  is,  as  to  that,  it  stands  to  reason  that  men  may  be  ac- 
conntable  in  this  vvorUl,  and  in  the  next. 

t  He  seems  at  no  loss  for  an  application  of  a  text  in  Scripture, 
"  Whatsdever  ye  shall  bind  on  e  irth,  shall  be  bound  in  heaven.'' 

^  The  knight  argues  that,  since  temporal  punishments  maybe 
mitigated  ami  conimuted,  the  best  securities  for  truth  and  hones- 
ly  are  those  expectations  which  affect  man  in  hia  spiritual  state. 


Canto  i.]  HUDIBRAS.  319 

Quoth  he,  When  I  resolv'd  t'  obey 
What  you  commanded  th'  other  day,  240 

And  to  perform  my  exercise, 
As  schools  are  wont,  for  your  fair  eyes ; 
T'  avoid  all  scruples  in  the  case, 
I  went  to  do't  upon  the  place  ; 

But  as  tho  castle  is  enchanted  245 

By  Sidrophel  the  witch,  and  haunted 
With  evil  spirits,  as  you  know, 
Who  took  my  Squire  and  me  for  two,* 
Before  I'd  hardly  time  to  lay 

Sly  weapons  by,  and  disarray,  250 

I  heard  a  formidable  noise, 
Loud  as  the  Stentrophonic  voice, t 
That  roar'd  far  off.  Dispatch  and  strip, 
I'm  ready  with  th'  infernal  whip, 
That  shall  divest  thy  ribs  of  skin  255 

To  expiate  thy  ling'nng  sin  ; 
Thou  'ast  broke  perfidiously  thy  oath. 
And  not  perform'd  thy  plighted  troth, 
But  spar'd  thy  renegado  back. 

Where  thou  hadst  so  great  a  prize  at  stake,'!  260 

Which  now  the  fates  have  order'd  me 
For  penance  and  revenge,  to  flea. 
Unless  thou  preseirtly  make  haste  ; 
Time  is,  time  was ;  and  there  it  ceast.§ 
With  which,  tho'  startl'd,  I  confess,  265 

Yet  th'  horror  of  the  thing  was  less 
Thau  the  other  dismal  apprehension 
Of  interruption  or  prevention ; 
And  therefore,  snatching  up  the  rod, 
I  laid  upon  my  back  a  load,  270 

Resolv'd  to  spare  no»flesh  and  blood, 
To  make  my  word  and  honour  good  ; 
Till  tir'd,  and  taking  truce  at  length, 
For  new  recruits  of  breath  and  strength, 

*  For  two  evil  and  delinquent  spirits. 

t  Thus  Homer,  Iliad,  v.  78j  : 

UrivTopi  tlaayLivr]  fueyaXi^Topi  %aXK£o^(ivt(). 
And  Juv.  Sat.  xiii.  112: 

Tu  miser  exclamas,  ut  Stentora  vincere  possis. 
The  speaking  trumpet  was  a  little  before  the  publication  of  this 
canto  much  improved  by  Sir  Samuel  Morland,  one  of  the  first  es- 
tablishers  of  the  Royal  Society. 

t  The  later  editions,  perhaps  with  more  propriety,  read,  »Ae» 
tkou  'adst.     But  where  in  old  authors  means  whereas. 

$  This  alludes  to  the  vvell-kno^vn  story  of  the  brazen  head. 


320  HUDIBRAP.  [Part  ni. 

I  felt  the  blows  still  ply'd  as  fast,  275 

As  if  they  'ad  been  by  lovers  plac'd, 

lu  raptures  of  Platouic  lashing, 

And  chaste  contemplative  bardcishing  :* 

When  facing  hastily  about, 

To  stand  upon  my  guard  and  scout,t  S!8C 

I  found  til'  infernal  cunning  man, 

And  ih'  under-witch,  his  Caliban,}: 

With  scourges,  like  the  furies,  arm'd, 

That  on  my  outward  quarters  storm'd. 

In  haste  I  snatch'd  my  weapon  up,  285 

And  gave  their  hellish  rage  a  stop ; 

Call'd  thrice  upon  your  name,§  and  fell 

Courageously  on  Sidrophel, 

Who  now  transform'd  himself  t'  a  bear,|| 

Began  to  roar  aloud,  and  tear ;  29U 

When  I  as  furiously  press'd  on. 

My  weapon  down  his  throat  to  run, 

Laid  hold  on  him  ;  but  he  broke  loose, 

And  turn'd  himself  into  a  goose, 

Div'd  under  water,  in  a  pond,  295 

To  hide  himself  from  being  found  ; 

la  vain  I  sought  him  ;  but  as  soon 

As  I  perceived  him  fled  and  gone, 

Prepar'd,  with  equal  haste  and  rage 

His  under-sorc'rer  to  engage  ;  300 

But  bravely  scorning  to  defile 

My  sword  with  feeble  blood,  and  vile, 

I  judg'd  it  better  from  a  qiiick- 

Set-hedge  to  cut  a  knotted  stick, 

With  which  I  furiously  laid  on ;  305 


*  The  epithets  chaste  and  contemplative  are  used  ironically. 
See  Genuine  Remains,  vol.  i.  W(,  and  vol.  ii.  352.    Ur.  Buhver,  io 
his  Artificial  Changeling,  p.  269,  says,  "  The  Turks  call  those  that 
"are  young,  and  have  no  beards,  bardasses." 
t  Sir  Samuel  Lul^e  was  scnut-inaster. 
i  See  Shakspeare's  Tempest. 

§  Bantering  the  romance  writers,  whose  heroes  frequently  it- 
voke  their  mistresses  : 

numero  deus  irapare  gaudet. 

Virg.  eclog.  viii. 
II  Thus  Ovid.  Metam.  lib.  viii.  732 : 

Nam  modo  te  jnveneni,  modo  te  vid6re  leonem : 
Kunc  vinlentus  aper,  nunc,  quern  tetigisse  timerent, 
Anguis  eras  :  tnodo  te  faciebant  cornua  taurum, 
Sa;pe  lapis  poteras,  arbor  quoque  saepe  videri. 
When  J aa  furiously. — Some  editions  read,  perhaps  better: 
When  as  I  furiously— 


CArrro  i.]  HLDIBRAS.  321 

Till,  in  a  harsh  and  doleful  tone, 

It  roiir'd,  O  hold,  for  pity,  Sir, 

I  am  too  great  a  sufferer,* 

Abus'd  as  you  have  been  b'  a  witch, 

But  conjur'd  int'  a  worse  caprich,t  —        310 

Who  sends  nie  out  on  many  a  jaunt, 

Old  houses  in  the  niglit  to  haunt, 

For  opportunities  t'  improve 

Designs  of  thievery  or  love  ; 

With  drugs  convey'd  in  drink  or  meat,  313 

All  feats  of  witches  counterfeit ; 

Kill  pigs  and  geese  with  powder'd  glass, 

And  make  it  for  enchantment  pass  ; 

With  cow-itcht  meazle  like  a  leper, 

And  choke  with  fumes  of  guinea  pepper  ;  320 

Make  lechers,  and  their  punks,  with  dewtry. 

Commit  fantastical  advowtry  ;§ 

*  O, /or  pitj/,  is  a  favorite  expression  of  Spenser.  Polydore,  in 
Virgil,  JEn.  iii.  41,  says : 

Quid  miserum,  jEnea,  laceras  ?  jam  parce  sepulto ; 
Parce  pias  scelerare  manus. 

t  That  is,  whim,  fancy,  from  the  Italian,  capriccio. 

I  Cowage  is  a  plant  from  the  East  Indies,  tlie  pod  of  which  is 
covered  with  sliort  hairs :  if  these  hairs  are  applied  to  the  skin, 
they  cause  an  itching  for  a  short  time ;  they  are  often  used  by 
young  people  to  tease  one  another  with. 

§  Dewtry,  or  datura,  is  a  plant,  growing  chiefly  in  the  East 
Indies,  whose  seeds  and  flowers  have  an  intoxicating  quality. 
They  who  are  skilled  in  the  management  of  this  drug,  can,  it  is 
said,  proportion  the  dose  of  it  so  as  to  suppress  the  senses  for  any 
particular  number  of  hours.  The  Abyssinians  likewise  have  an 
herb,  called  by  the  Calfres,  banquini,  and  by  the  Portuguese,  du- 
tra,  which,  if  taken  in  meat  or  drink,  produces  a  stupor,  and  con 
tinues  it  for  the  space  of  twenty-four  hours.  See  Lobo's 
Voyage  to  Abyssinia,  Dissertation  on  the  Eastern  Side  of  Africa, 
p.  a-26.  Duncan  gave  wine,  and  bread  steeped  in  the  juice  of 
this  herb  (which  some  suppose  to  be  the  stram()nium)to  Iveno,  king 
of  Norway,  and  by  the  eflect  of  it  preserved  the  town  of  Bartha, 
in  Scotland,  from  his  attacks.  Buchanan,  Hist.  Scot.  lib.  vii. 
Among  the  inquiries  recommended  by  Sir  Robert  Moray,  and 
sent  by  the  Royal  Society  to  Sir  Philiberto  Vernatti,  resident  at 
Batavia,  are  the  following :  "  Whether  the  Indians  can  so  pre- 
"  pare  that  stupifying  herb  datura,  that  they  make  it  lie  several 
"days,  months,  years,  according  as  they  will  have  it,  in  a  man's 
"body,  without  doing  him  any  hurt,  and  at  the  end  kill  him, 
"withoui  missing  half  an  hour's  time'?  Whether  thuse  that  be 
"stupified  by  the  juice  of  this  herb,  are  recovered  by  moistening 
"the  soles  of  their  feet  in  fair  water?"  See  Spratt's  History  of 
the  Royal  Society,  pp.  161  and  162.  "  Henr.  SalmuthusConmi. 
"in  nova  reperta  PanciroUi,  lib.  i.  tit.  1.  Daturam  appellat  du- 
"  troam  ;  et  ex  floribus,  ait,  bulbi  quandam  speciem  oriri,  in  quo 
"  nuclei  sunt,  melonuni  semini  similes,  qui  cibo  potionique  per- 
"mixti  utentis  cerebrum  pervadunt,  ac  stultitiam  quandam  cum 
"risu  coDtinuo,  absque  alio  sensu,  aut  uUa  rerum  notitia,  exci- 
14* 


323  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  ra. 

Bewitch  hermetic  men  to  run 

Stark  staring  mad  with  manicon  ;* 

Believe  mechanic  virtuosi  32i 

Can  raise  'em  mountains  in  Potosi ; 

And  silher  than  the  antic  fools, 

Take  treasure  for  a  heap  of  coals  ;t 

"lent,  tandemque  somnnm  indiicant.  Addit  ex  Christopheri  a 
"  Costa  lib.  de  aromat.  cap.  de  datura,  Indoruin  Lusitanorunique 
'  u.xores  nucleos  eos  subinde  ignaris  niaritis  exhibere,  ac  deinde 
"  ipsis  spectantibiis  ac  ridentibus,  secure  adulteiissuicopiam  fa- 
"cere:  ex  sonino  vero  excitatos  nulliiisrei  meminisse,sed  sopore 
"  tantuni  levi  se  correptos  fuisse  sibi  iniaginari."  Henricus  Mei- 
bomius  de  cerevisiis  veterum.  cap.  23.  Meminit  Garsias  ab  hor- 
to  hist,  plant,  novi  orbis,  lib.  ii.  c.  24,  floris  et  serninis  herba;, 
qiiain  daturatn  vocat,  colorem  roris  marini  seniulantis.  Eurn  ait 
potuit  ciboque  injectuni.  et  assiiniptuni,  homines  mente  quodam- 
modo  alienare,  et  in  risuni  solvere,  atque  amentes  veluti  et  ebri- 
os  facere.     Grnnnv.  Antiq.  Gr£EC.  ix.  p.  COG. 

Jidvowtry  signifies  the  same  with  adultery.  The  word  is  used 
by  Lord  Baron,  in  his  Life  of  Henry  V[L  "Maximilian  duke  of 
"  Burgundy  spake  all  the  evil  he  could  devise  of  Charles  the 
"French  king,  saying  that  he  was  the  most  perfidious  man  upon 
"  earth,  and  that  he  had  made  a  marriage  compounded  between 
"an  advowtry  and  a  rape." 

The  sense  of  the  passage  1*!,  make  lewd  old  fellows,  that  are 
past  actual,  commit,  by  means  of  dewtry,  imaginary  adultery. 

*  Alchymists,  who  pretend  to  things  beyond  the  power  of  art. 
See  a  lone  character  of  the  hermetic  philosopher  full  of  wit  and 
learning,  Butler's  Remains,  vol.  ii.  p.  225.  Manicon  is  an  herb, 
BO  called  from  its  power  of  causing  madness.  Banquo,  in  Shak- 
speare's  Macbeth,  seems  to  allude  to  it  when  he  says  : 

Were  such  things  here,  as  we  do  speak  about  1 

Or  have  we  eaten  of  the  insane  root, 

That  takes  the  reason  prisoner  1  Act  i. 

Meibomius  de  cerevisis,  xxiii.  10.  Est  in  eodum  censu  strych- 
non,  sive  manicuni,  sive  halicacabuni,  quE  interdum  confundunt 
auctores.  De  eo  Theophiastus  Hist.  Plant,  ix.  12,  ait  drachmas 
pondere  potum  efficere  naiC^av  riva  kol  boKtiv  eavrip  KaXXiarov 
Plinius  xxi.  ex  eo  lusum  gigni,  speciesque  vanas  imaginesque 
conspicuas  obversari,  attirmat.  Dioscorides  iv.  72,  ait  eadem 
herba  pota  (pavraala;  airoTcXuv  ovk  ayjScis- 

t  The  poet  here  ridicules  the  alchymists  for  pretending  to  the 
power  of  transmuting  metals,  or  turning  baser  minerals  into 
gold.  In  the  mountains  of  Potosi  are  the  rich  mines  belonging 
to  the  king  of  Spain.  The  credulous  disciples  of  these  philoso- 
phers our  author  calls  antick  fools.  Antic,  antick,  or  antique, 
because  the  cheat  began  to  be  out  of  fashion  when  Mr.  Butler 
wrote  this  part  of  his  book — soon  after  the  Restoration.  Or  per- 
haps by  antic  fools  he  might  mean  those  silly  dreamers,  among 
the  ancients,  who  gave  occasion  to  the  proverb,  "pro  thesauro 
"carbones;"  they  dreamed  of  gold,  but  on  examination  found 
coals;  it  is  frequently  applied  by  Lucian.  And  Phsedrus  v.  fab. 
Vi.    Ben  Jonson  uses  the  word  antique  in  two  senses. 

The  last  line  is  not  clearly  expressed.  If  it  had  been  written, 
"For  treasure  take  an  heap  of  coals,"  or  "Turn  treasure  to  an 
"  heap  of  coals,"  the  meaning  would  have  been  more  obvious. 


Cahto  I.]  HUDIBRAS.  323 

Seek  out  for  plants  with  signatures, 

To  quack  of  universal  cures  ;*  336 

Witii  figures,  ground  on  panes  of  glass, 

Make  people  on  their  heads  to  pass  ;t 

And  mighty  heaps  of  coin  increase. 

Reflected  from  a  single  piece  ; 

To  draw  in  fools,  whose  nat'ral  itches  333 

Incline  perpetually  to  witches. 

And  keep  me  in  continual  fears. 

And  danger  of  my  neck  and  ears  ; 

When  less  delinquents  have  been  scourg'd, 

And  hemp  on  wooden  anvils  forg'd,  340 

Which  others  for  cravats  have  worn 

About  their  necks,  and  took  a  turn. 

I  pity'd  the  sad  punishment 
The  wretched  caitiif  underwent. 
And  held  my  drubbing  of  his  bones  343 

Too  great  an  honour  for  poltroons  ; 
For  knights  are  bound  to  feel  no  blows 
From  paltry  and  unequal  foes,1: 
Who  when  they  slash  and  cut  to  pieces, 
Do  all  with  civiilest  addresses  :  350 

Their  horses  never  give  a  blow. 
But  when  they  make  a  leg  and  bow.§ 
I  therefore  spar'd  his  flesh,  and  prest  him 
About  the  witch,  with  many  a  question. 

Quoth  he.  For  many  years  he  drove  355 


*  Plants  whose  leaves  resemble  the  form  of  some  or  other  of 
the  vitals,  or  have  marks  or  fis;ures  upon  them  represeiitins  any 
cuticular  affection,  were  thought  to  point  out  their  own  medicinal 
qualities.  Thus  wood-sorrel  was  used  as  a  cordial,  because  its 
leaf  is  shaped  like  a  heart.  Liverwort  was  given  for  disorders 
of  the  liver.  The  herb  dragon  was  employed  to  counteract  the 
effects  of  poison,  because  its  stem  is  speckled  like  some  serpents. 
The  yellow  juice  of  the  celandine  recommended  it  for  the  cure 
of  the  jaundice.  And  Paracelsus  said,  that  the  spots  which  ap- 
pear on  the  leaves  of  the  Persicaria  maculosa,  proved  its  etficacy 
in  the  scurvy. 

t  The  multiplying  glass,  concave  mirror,  camera  obscura,  and 
other  inventions,  which  were  new  in  our  author's  time,  passed 
with  the  vulgar  for  enchantments  ;  and  as  the  law  against 
witches  was  then  in  force,  the  exhibiters  of  these  curiosities 
were  in  so?ne  danger  of  being  sentenced  to  Bridewell,  the  pillory, 
or  the  halter. 

t  According  to  the  rules  of  knight-errantry.  See  Don  Quixote, 
(book  iii.  ch.  i.,)  and  romances  in  general. 

5  i.  e.  the  courteous  knight  never  strikes  his  horse  but  when 
he  stumbles  ;  but  Mr.  T.  B.  gives  it  a  different  sense,  and  thinks 
it  alludes  to  the  action  of  a  horse  when  the  rider  gives  it  a  blow 
on  the  head  ;  ducking  the  head,  and  throwing  out  the  leg,  being 
fla  unlike  an  awkward  bow. 


324  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  in 

A  kind  of  broking-trade  in  iove,* 

Employ'd  in  all  th'  intrigues  and  trust, 

Of  feeble  speculative  lust  * 

Procurer  to  th'  extravagancy, 

And  crazy  ribaldry  of  fancy,  36t 

By  those  the  devil  had  forsook. 

As  things  below  him,  to  provoke  ; 

But  b'ing  a  virtuoso,  able 

To  smatter,  quack,  and  cant,  and  dabble, 

He  held  his  talent  most  adroit,  365 

For  any  mystical  exploit. 

As  others  of  his  tribe  had  done, 

And  rais'd  their  prices  three  to  one  ; 

For  one  predicting  pimp  has  th'  odds 

Of  chaldrons  of  plain  downright  bawds.  STf 

But  as  an  elf,  the  devil's  valet, 

Is  not  so  slight  a  thing  to  get,t 

For  those  that  do  his  bus'ness  best, 

In  hell  are  us'd  the  rviggedest  ; 

Before  so  meriting  a  person  373 

Cou'd  get  a  grant,  but  in  reversion. 

He  serv'd  two  'prenticeships,  and  longer, 

I'  th'  myst'ry  of  a  lady-monger. 

For,  as  some  write,  a  witch's  ghost,t 

As  soon  as  from  the  body  loos'd,  380 

Becomes  a  puisney-imp  itself 

And  is  another  witch's  elf, 

He,  after  searching  far  and  near. 

At  length  found  one  in  Lancashire, 

With  whom  he  bargain'd  beforehand, .  385 

And,  after  hanging,  entertain'd  : 

Since  which  he  'as  play'd  a  thousand  feats. 

And  practis'd  all  mechanic  cheats : 

Transform'd  himself  to  th'  ugly  shapes 

Of  wolves  and  bears,  baboons  and  apes,  39P 

Which  he  has  vary'd  more  than  witches, 

Or  Pharaoh's  wizards  cou'd  their  switches  ;§ 

And  all  with  whom  he  'as  had  to  do, 


*  He  transacted  the  business  of  intrigues ;  was  a  pimp. 
\  William  Lilly  tells  us  he  was  fuurteen  years  hefore  he  could 
get  an  elf,  or  ghost  of  a  departed  witch.     At  last  he  found  one 
in   Lancashire,  a  country  always  famous  for  witches.    Thus 
Cleveland,  p.  76 : 

Have  you  not  heard  the  abominable  sport 
A  Lancashire  grand  jury  will  report. 
t  A  better  reading  would  be,  JVow,  as  some  write. 
$  See  Exodus  vii. 


Canto  i.]  HUDIBRAS,  325 

Turn'd  to  as  monstrous  figures  too  : 

Witness  myself,  whom  lie  'as  abus'd,  395 

And  to  this  beastly  shape  reduc'd, 

By  feeding  me  on  beans  and  peas, 

He  crams  in  nasty  crievices, 

And  turns  to  comfits  by  his  arts, 

To  make  me  relish  for  deserts,  400 

And  one  by  one,  with  shame  and  fear, 

Lick  up  the  candy'd  provender. 

Beside — But  as  h'  was  running  on, 

To  tell  what  other  feats  he'ad  done, 

The  lady  stopt  his  full  career,  405 

And  told  him,  now  'twas  time  to  hear. 

If  half  those  things,  said  she,  be  true — 

They're  all,  quoth  he,  I  swear  by  you. 

Why  then,  said  she,  that  Sidrophel 

Has  damn'd  himself  to  th'  pit  of  hell,  411 

Who,  mounted  on  a  broom,  the  uag 

And  hackney  of  a  Lapland  hag. 

In  quest  of  you  came  hither  post, 

Within  an  hour,  I'm  sure,  at  most. 

Who  told  me  all  you  swear  and  say,  ,415 

Quite  contrary,  another  way  ; 

Vow'd  that  you  came  to  him,  to  know 

If  you  shou'd  carry  me  or  no  ; 

And  would  have  hir'd  him  and  his  imps, 

To  be  your  match-makers  and  pimps,  420 

T'  engage  the  devil  on  your  side. 

And  steal,  like  Proserpine,  your  bride  ; 

But  he,  disdaining  to  embrace 

So  filthy  a  design,  and  base. 

You  fell  to  vapouring  and  huffing,  435 

And  drew  upon  him  like  a  ruffian  ; 

Surpris'd  him  meanly,  unprepar'd, 

Before  he  'ad  time  to  mount  his  guard, 

And  left  him  dead  upon  the  ground, 

With  many  a  bruise  and  desperate  wound  ;  430 

Swore  you  had  broke  and  robb'd  his  house. 

And  stole  his  talismanique  louse,* 

And  all  his  new-found  old  inventions, 

With  flat  felonious  intentions. 

Which  he  could  bring  out,  where  he  had,  435 

And  what  he  bought  'em  for,  and  paid ; 


*  The  poet  intimates,  that  Sidrophel,  being  much  plagued  with 
lice,  had  made  a  talisman,  or  formed  a  louse  in  a  certain  position 
of  the  stars  to  chase  away  this  kind  of  vermin. 


326  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  lit 

His  flea,  his  morpion,  and  punese, 

He  'ad  gotten  for  his  proper  ease,* 

And  all  in  perfect  minutes  made. 

By  th'  ablest  artists  of  the  trade  ;  440 

Which,  he  could  prove  it,  since  he  lost, 

He  has  been  eaten  up  almost, 

And  altogether,  might  amount 

To  many  hundreds  on  account ; 

For  which  he  'd  got  sufficient  warrant  445 

To  seize  the  malefactors  errant, 

Without  capacity  of  bail. 

But  of  a  cart's  or  horse's  tail ; 

And  did  not  doubt  to  bring  the  wretches 

To  serve  for  pendulums  to  watches,  450 

Which,  modern  virtuosi  say. 

Incline  to  hanging  every  way.t 

Beside,  he  swore,  and  swore  'twas  true, 

That  ere  he  went  in  quest  of  you, 

He  set  a  figure  to  discover  455 

If  you  were  fled  to  Rye  or  Dover  ; 

And  found  it  clear,  that  to  betray 

Yourselves  and  me,  you  fled  this  way ; 

And  that  he  was  upon  pursuit, 

To  take  you  somewhere  hereabout.  460 

He  vow'd  he  had  intelligence 

Of  all  that  pass'd  before  and  since  ; 

And  found,  that  ere  you  came  to  him, 

Y'  had  been  engaging  life  and  limb 

About  a  case  of  tender  conscience,  465 

Where  both  abounded  in  your  own  sense  ; 

Till  Ralpho  by  his  liglit  and  grace, 

Had  clear'd  all  scruples  in  the  case, 

And  prov'd  that  you  might  swear,  and  own 

Whateve'r's  by  the  wicked  done  :  470 

For  which,  most  basely  to  requite 

The  service  of  his  gifts  and  light, 

You  strove  t'  oblige  liim,  by  main  force. 

To  scourge  his  ribs  instead  of  yours  ; 

But  that  he  stood  upon  his  guard,  475 

And  all  your  vapouring  outdar'd  ; 

For  which, t  between  you  both,  the  feat 

Has  never  been  perform'd  as  yet. 


*  The  talisman  of  a  flea,  a  louse,  and  a  bug. 
t  The  circular  pendulums  for  watches  were  invented  about 
onr  author's  time  by  Dr.  Hooke. 
t  That  is,  on  which  account. 


Canto  i.]  HUDIBRAS.  327 

While  thus  the  Lady  talk'd,  the  Knight 
Turu'd  th'  outside  of  his  eyes  to  white  •*  480 

As  men  of  inward  light  are  wont 
To  turn  their  optics  in  upon't ; 
He  wonder'd  how  she  came  to  know 
What  he  had  done,  and  meant  to  do  ; 
Held  up  his  affidavit  hand,t  485 

As  if  he  'ad  been  to  be  arraign'd  ; 
Cast  tow'rds  the  door  a  ghastly  look, 
In  dread  of  Sidropliel,  and  spoke  : 

Madam,  if  but  one  word  be  true 
Of  all  the  wizard  has  told  you,  490 

Or  but  one  single  circumstance 
In  all  th'  apocryphal  romance. 
May  dreadful  earthquakes  swallow  down 
This  vessel,  that  is  all  your  own  ;t 
Or  may  the  heavens  fall,  and  cover  495 

These  relics  of  your  constant  lover.§ 

You  have  provided  well,  quoth  she, 
I  thank  you  for  yourself  and  me. 
And  shewn  your  presbyterian  wits 
Jump  punctual  with  the  Jesuits  ;  •  500 

A  most  compendious  way,  and  civil, 
At  once  to  cheat  the  world,  and  devil, 
With  heaven  and  hell,  yourselves,  and  those 
On  whom  you  vainly  think  t'  impose. 


*  The  dissenters  are  ridiculed  for  an  affected  sanctity,  and 
Cuming  lip  the  whiles  of  their  eyes.    Thus  Ben  Jonson  : 

he  is  called  for  a  puritan — 

That  used  to  turn  up  the  eggs  of  his  eyes. 

And  Fenton  in  his  Poems  : 

Her  eyes  she  disciplin'd  precisely  rig.  t, 

And  when  to  wink,  and  how  to  turn  the  white. 

t  When  any  one  takes  an  oath,  he  puts  his  right  hand  to  the 
Book,  that  is,  to  the  New  Testament,  and  kisses  it ;  but  the  cov- 
enanters, in  swearing,  refused  to  kiss  the  book,  saying  it  was  po- 
pish and  superstitious  :  they  substituted  the  ceremony  of  hold- 
ing up  the  right  hand,  which  they  used  also  in  taking  any  oath 
Defore  the  m:igistrate.  The  seceders  in  Scotland,  who  affect  all 
the  preciseness  of  the  old  covenanters,  I  believe  still  adhere  to 
this  practice. 

t  The  knight  has  made  all  needful  proficiency  in  the  art  of 
equivocation.  This  poor  devoted  vessel  is — not  the  abject  suitor, 
but  the  lady  herself. 

^  Here  the  knight  still  means  the  widow,  but  would  have  it 
understood  of  himself. 

Troas,  reliquias  Danaum  atque  inmitis  Achillei. 

Virg.  .^n.  1.  30 


328  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  m 

Why  then,  quoth  he,  may  hell  surprise —  SOS 

That  trick,  said  she,  will  no*  pass  twice: 

I've  learn'd  how  far  I'm  to  believe 

Your  pinning  oaths  upon  your  sleeve  ; 

But  there's  a  better  way  of  clearing 

What  you  would  prove,  than  downright  swearing . 

For  if  you  have  perform'd  ■'.he  feat, 

The  blows  are  visible  as  yet. 

Enough  to  sei-ve  for  satisfaction 

Of  nicest  scruples  in  the  action  ; 

And  if  you  can  produce  those  knobs,  SIS 

Altho'  they're  but  the  witch's  drubs, 

I'll  pass  them  all  upon  account. 

As  if  your  nat'ral  self  had  done  't ; 

Provided  that  they  pass  th'  opinion 

Of  able  juries  of  old  women.  520 

Who,  us'd  to  judge  all  matter  of  facts 

For  bellies,*  may  do  so  for  backs. 

Madam,  quoth  he,  your  love's  a  million, 
To  do  is  less  than  to  be  willing, 

As  I  am,  were  it  in  my  power,  S25 

T'  obey  what  you  command,  and  more  ; 
But  for  performing  what  you  bid, 
I  thank  you  as  much  as  if  I  did.  ^ 

You  know  I  ought  to  have  a  care 
To  keep  my  wounds  from  taking  air ;  530 

For  wounds  in  those  'hat  are  all  heart, 
Are  dangerous  in  any  part. 

I  find,  quoth  she,  my  goods  and  chattels 
Are  like  to  prove  but  mere  drawn  battles  ;t 
For  still  the  longer  we  contend,  535 

We  are  but  farther  off  the  end. 
But  granting  now  we  should  agree, 
What  is  it  you  expect  from  me  ? 

Your  plighted  faith,  quoth  he,  and  word 
You  pass'd  in  heaven,  on  record,  540 

Where  all  contracts  t'  have  and  t'  hold, 
Are  everlastingly  enroU'd : 
And  if  'tis  counted  treason  here 
To  raze  records,  'tis  much  more  there. 

Quoth  she.  There  are  no  bargains  driv'u,  5-15 


*  When  a  woman  ^reten(is  to  be  pregnant,  in  order  to  gain  & 
respite  from  her  sentence,  the  fact  must  be  ascertained  by  ■djury 
of  matrons. 

t  That  is,  no  other  than  matter  for  mere  undecisive  bicker- 
ings. 


•.NTOi.]  HUDIBRAS.  329 

Nor  marriages  clapp'd  up  in  heav'n  ;* 

And  that's  the  reason,  as  some  ^uess, 

There  is  no  heav'n  in  marriages  ; 

Two  things  that  naturally  presst 

Too  narrowly,  to  be  at  ease  :  450 

Their  bus'ness  there  is  only  love, 

Wliich  marriage  is  not  like  t'  improve  ;t 

Love,  that's  too  generous  t'  abide 

To  be  against  its  nature  ty'd  ; 

For  where  'tis  of  itself  iuclin'd,  X5 

It  breaks  loose  when  it  is  confin'd,§ 

And  like  the  soul,  its  harbourer, 

Debarr'd  the  freedom  of  the  air, 

Disdains  against  its  will  to  stay, 

But  struggles  out,  and  flies  away :  560 

And  therefore  never  can  comply, 

T'  endure  the  matrimonial  tie. 

That  binds  the  female  and  the  male. 

Where  th'  one  is  but  the  other's  bail  ;|| 

Like  Roman  gaolers,  when  they  slept,  565 

Chaiu'd  to  the  prisoners  they  kept  :ir 

Of  which  the  true  and  faithfuU'st  lover 

Gives  Ijest  security  to  suffer 

Marriage  is  but  a  beast,  some  say,** 

*  The  author  alludes  to  Mark  xii.  25  :  "For  when  they  shall 
"  arise  from  the  dead,  they  neither  marry  nor  are  given  in  mar- 
"riaRe." 
t  That  is,  bargains  and  marriages. 
t  Plurinius  in  coelis  amor  est,  connubia  nulla  : 

C'onjugia  in  terris  plurinia,  nulliis  amor. 
5  The  widow's  notions  of  love  are  similar  to  those  of  Eloise, 
so  happily  expressed  by  Pope: 

Love,  free  as  air,  at  sight  of  human  ties, 
Spreads  his  light  wings,  and  in  a  moment  flies. 
So  Chaucer,  in  his  Frankeleines  Tale : 

Love  wol  not  be  constrained  by  maistrie : 
Whan  maistrie  cometh,  the  god  of  love  anon 
Beteth  his  vvinges,  and,  farewel,  he  is  gon. 
.5;iius  Verus,  according  to  Spartian,  used  to  say,  "Uxor  dignj- 
"talis  nomen  est,  non  voluptatis." 

II  That  is.  where  if  one  of  them  is  faulty,  the  other  is  drawn 
into  difficulties  by  it,  and  the  truest  lover  gives  best  security  to 
sulfer,  or  is  likely  to  be  the  greatest  sufferer. 

ir  The  custom  among  the  Romans  was  the  same  as  among 
modern  constables,  to  chain  the  right  hand  of  the  culprit  to  the 
left  hand  of  the  guard  :  Modus  est,  ut  is  qui  in  noxa  esset,  cate- 
nam  manui  dextra;  alligatam  haberet,  quK  eadem  militis  sinis- 
tram  vinciret. 

**  Sir  Thomas  Brown,  author  of  the  Vulgar  Errors,  and  Re- 
ligio  Medici,  speaks  of  the  ultimate  act  of  love  as  a  folly  beneath 


330  HUDIBRAS.  [Parp  iii 

That  carries  double  in  foul  way,  57fi 

And  therefore  'tis  not  to  be  admir'd, 

It  should  so  suddenly  be  tir'd  ; 

A  bargain,  at  a  venture  made, 

Between  two  partners  in  a  trade  ; 

For  what's  inferr'd  by  t'  have  and  t'  hold,  575 

But  something  pass'd  away  and  sold  ?* 

That,  as  it  makes  but  one  of  two, 

Reduces  all  things  else  as  low  ; 

And  at  the  best  is  but  a  mart 

Between  the  one  and  th'  other  part,  580 

That  on  the  marriage  day  is  paid. 

Or  hour  of  death,  the  bet  is  laid  ;t 

And  all  the  rest  of  better  or  worse, 

Both  are  but  losers  out  of  purse  : 

For  when  upon  their  ungot  heirs  585 

Th'  entail  themselves  and  all  that's  theirs, 

What  blinder  bargain  e'er  was  driven, 

Or  wager  laid  at  six  and  seven  ? 

To  pass  themselves  away,  and  turn 

Their  children's  tenants  ere  they're  born  ?  590 

Beg  one  another  idiot 

To  guardians,  ere  they  are  begot ; 


a  philosopher,  and  says,  that  he  could  be  content  that  we  might 
procreate  like  trees  without  conjunction.  Bui,  after  writing  this, 
he  descended  from  his  philosophic  dignity,  and  married  an  agrea* 
able  woman : 

The  strong,  the  brave,  the  virtuous,  and  the  wise, 
Sink  in  the  soft  captivity  together. 

Addison's  Cato. 

*  An  equivocation.  The  words  "  to  have  and  to  hold,"  in  the 
marriage  ceremony,  signify  "I  take  to  possess  and  keep;"  in 
deeds  of  conveyance  their  meaning  is,  "I  give  to  be  possessed 
"  and  kept  by  another." 

t  (Thus  in  some  editions.)  The  poet's  allusions  are  sometimes 
far-fetched  and  obscure.  Perhaps  he  means,  that  each  party  ex- 
pects to  tind  a  satisfaction  in  marriage ;  and  if  they  are  a  little 
disappointed  when  they  come  together,  they  will  not  fail  to  meet 
with  it  when  they  are  separated.  Mart,  is  marketing,  or  matter 
of  purchase  between  the  parties,  who  are  only  reimbursed  the 
venture  made,  on  the  marriage  day,  or  hour  of  death  ;  and  as  to 
any  thing  else  in  marriage  both  parties  are  losers,  for  they  settle 
and  give  away  their  estates  to  ungot  heirs ;  consigning  them- 
selves, like  idiots  and  lunatics,  to  guardians  and  trustees.  Mr. 
Butler  generally  pursues  iiis  subject  as  far  as  he  can  with  pr.7- 
priety.  But  I  do  not  know  that  we  can  justify  the  transition,  in 
this  speech,  from  a  lively  vindication  of  the  generous  nature  of 
iove,  to  a  long  detail  of  the  abuses  and  evils  of  matrimony.  He 
might  wish  for  an  opportunity  of  satirizing  the  vices  of  the  times. 
Beside,  we  learn,  that  he  had  suffered  some  inconveniences  him 
self  from  an  unfortunate  niarriage. 


Canto  i.]  HUDIBRAS.  331 

Or  ever  shall,  perhaps,  by  th'  one 

Who's  bound  to  vouch  them  for  his  own, 

Tho'  got  b'  implicit  generation,*  59' 

And  general  club  of  all  the  nation. ', 

For  which  she's  fortify'd  no  less 

Than  all  the  island  with  four  seas  ;t 

Exacts  the  tribute  of  her  dower. 

In  ready  insolence  and  power,  flOO 

And  makes  him  pass  away,  to  have 

And  hold  to  her,  himself,  her  slave. 

More  wretched  than  an  ancient  villain,} 

Condemn'd  to  drudgery  and  tilling ; 

While  all  he  does  upon  the  by,  6J5 

She  is  not  bound  to  justify, 

Nor  at  her  proper  cost  or  charge 

Maintain  the  feats  he  does  at  large. 

Such  hideous  sots  were  those  obedient 

Old  vassals  to  their  ladies  regent,  610 

To  give  the  cheats  the  eldest  hand 

In  foul  play,  by  the  laws  o'  th'  land. 

For  which  so  many  a  legal  cuckold 

Has  been  run  down  in  courts,  and  truckl'd : 

A  law  that  most  unjustly  yokes  615 

All  Johns  of  Stiles  to  Joans  of  Nokes,§ 

Without  distinction  of  degree. 

Condition,  age,  or  quality  ; 

Admits  no  pow'r  of  revocation. 

Nor  valuable  consideration,  620 

Nor  writ  of  error,  nor  reverse 

Of  judgment  past,  for  better  or  worse  ; 

Will  not  allow  the  privileges 

That  beggars  challenge  under  hedges. 


*  Pr.  Johnson  says,  implicit  signifies  mixed,  complicated,  inlrl 
cale,  perplexed. 

t  The  interpretation  of  the  law  was,  that  a  child  could  not  be 
deemed  a  bastard,  if  the  husband  had  remained  in  the  island,  or 
within  the  four  seas.     See  Butler  s  Remains,  vol.  i.  p.  122. 

}  The  villains  were  a  sort  of  slaves,  bound  to  perform  the 
meanest  and  most  laborious  offices.  They  were  appendages  to 
the  liind,  and  passed  with  it  to  any  purchaser :  as  the  lord  was 
not  answerable  for  any  thing  done  by  his  villain  tenant,  no  mora 
is  the  wife  for  any  thing  done  by  her  villain  husband,  though  he 
is  bound  to  justify  and  maintain  all  that  his  wife  does  by  the  by. 
For  which  so  many  an  injured  husband  has  submitted  to  have 
his  character  run  down  in  the  courts,  and  suffer  himself  to  be 
proved  a  cucliold  on  record,  that  he  might  recover  damages  from 
the  adulterer. 

$  The  poet  makes  the  latter  a  female :  they  are  names  given 
In  law  proceedings  to  indefinite  persons,  like  Caius  and  Titina 
In  the  civil  law. 


332  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  m. 

Who,  when  they're  griev'd,  can  make  dead  horses 

Their  spiritual  judges  of  divorces  ;* 

While  nothing  else  but  rem  in  re 

Can  set  the  proudest  wretches  free  ; 

A  slavery  beyond  enduring, 

But  that  'tis  of  their  own  procuring.t  63G 

As  spiders  never  seek  thw  *iy, 

But  leave  him,  of  himself,  t'  apply ; 

So  men  are  by  themselves  betra^d, 

To  quit  the  freedom  they  enjoy'd, 

And  run  their  necks  into  a  noose,  635 

They'd  break  'em  after  to  break  loose. 

As  some,  whom  death  would  not  depart,}: 

Have  done  the  feat  themselves  by  art. 

Like  Indian  widows,  gone  to  bed 

In  flaming  curtains  to  the  dead  ;§  640 

And  men  as  often  dangled  for't. 

And  yet  will  never  leave  the  sport. 

Nor  do  the  ladies  want  excuse 

For  all  the  stratagems  they  use. 

To  gain  th'  advantage  of  the  set,||  S4S 

And  lurch  the  amorous  rook  and  cheat. 

For  as  the  Pythagorean  soul 

Runs  thro'  all  beasts,  and  fish,  and  fowl,ir 

*  The  gipsies,  it  is  said,  are  satisfied  of  the  validity  of  such 
decisions. 
+  Because  the  statutes  are  framed  by  men  : 

ZcvxOiii  yafiotciv  oxiK  iXcidcpd?  y  ear). 
Ndfii^c  yfifiai  iov\oi  cipai  ti3  6iif. 

Brunclc.  Poet.  Gn.  224. 

1  Alluding  to  several  reviews  of  the  r.onimon  prayer  before 
the  J.ast,  where  it  stood,  "  'til  death  us  depart,"  and  then  altered, 
"  til  death  us  do  part." 

$  They  burn  themselves  on  the  funeral  piles  of  their  hus- 
bands. "  Muliercs  vero  in  India,  cum  est  cujusvis  earnm  \'ir 
"  mortuus,  in  certamen  judiciumque  veniunt,  quam  plurimum 
"  ille  dile.xerit ;  plures  enim  singulis  solent  esse  nuptee.  Qua;  est 
"  victrix,  ea  la;ta,  prosequentibus  suis,  una  cum  viro  in  rogtim 
"imponitur."  Cicero,  Tusc.  Disputat.  v.  27.  Strabo  says,  they 
were  obliged  to  do  so  by  law,  because  the  women  were  wont  to 
poison  their  husl)ands  :  and  of  later  times,  those  women  who  by 
any  means  evade  the  performance  of  it,  are  accounted  infamous 
for  the  rest  of  their  lives.  By  the  English  law,  women  who 
murder  their  husbands  are  deemed  guilty  of  petty  treason,  and 
condemned  to  be  burnt.  In  India,  when  the  hnsband  dies,  and 
his  corpse  is  burned,  his  wives  throw  themselves  into  the  fune- 
ral pile  ;  and  it  is  pretended  they  doit  out  of  affection  ;  but  some 
think  the  custom  was  instituted  to  deter  the  wife  from  hastening 
the  period  of  her  husband's  existence. 

ji  Set,  that  is,  game,  a  term  at  tennis. 

tT  Pythagoras,  according  to  Heraclides  nsed  to  say  of  himself 


Caj.to  I.]  ilUDIBRAS.  333 

And  has  a  smack  of  ev'ry  one, 

So  love  does,  and  has  ever  done  ;  650 

And  therefore,  tliough  'tis  ne'er  so  fond, 
■Takes  strangely  to  the  vagabond. 
'Tis  but  an  ague  that's  reverst, 
Whose  hot  fit  takes  the  patient  first. 
That  after  burns  with  cold  as  much  655 

As  iron  in  Greenland  does  the  touch  ;* 
Melts  in  the  furnace  of  desire, 
Like  glass,  that's  but  the  ice  of  fire  ; 
And  when  his  heat  of  fancy's  over. 
Becomes  as  hard  and  frail  a  lover  :t  660 

For  when  he's  with  love-powder  laden, 
And  prim'd  and  cock'd  by  Miss  or  Madam, 
The  smallest  sparkle  of  an  eye 
Gives  fire  to  his  artillery, 

And  off  the  loud  oaths  go,  but,  while  665 

They're  in  the  very  act,  recoil : 
Hence  'tis  so  few  dare  take  their  chance , 
Without  a  sep'rate  maintenance  ; 
And  widows,  who  have  try'd  one  lover, 
Trust  none  again  'till  they've  made  over  ;t  670 

Or  if  they  do,  before  they  marry. 
The  foxes  weigh  the  geese  they  carry  ; 
And  ere  they  venture  o'er  a  stream. 
Know  how  to  size  themselves  and  them. 
Whence  wittiest  ladies  always  choose  675 

To  undertake  the  heaviest  goose  : 
For  now  the  world  is  grown  so  wary. 
That  few  of  either  sex  dare  marry. 
But  rather  trust,  on  tick,  t'  amours, 


that  he  remembered  not  only  what  men,  but  what  plants  auJ 
what  animals  his  soul  had  passed  through.  And  Empedocles 
declared  of  himself,  that  he  had  been  first  a  boy,  then  a  girl, 
then  a  plant,  then  a  bird,  then  a  fish. 

*  Metals,  if  applied  to  the  flesh,  in  very  cold  climates,  occa- 
sion extreme  pain.  Mr.  Butler,  in  his  MS.  Common-place  book, 
has  quoted : 

Ne  tenues  pluviae,  rapidive  potentia  soils 
Acrior,  aut  Bores  penetrabile  frigus  adurat. 

.    "  Virg.  Georg.  i.  92. 

See  Johnson  on  Psalm  cxxi.  0,  and  his  note.  That,  i.  e.  the  pa- 
tient. 

t  That  is,  becomes  a  lover  as  hard  and  frail  as  glass  :  for  ho 
melts  in  the  furnace  of  desire,  but  then  it  is  like  the  melting  o/ 
glass,  which,  when  the  heat  is  over,'  is  but  a  kind  of  ice. 

t  Made  over  their  [  roperty,  in  trir<t,  to  a  third  person  for  thell 
*oie  and  separate  use 


334  HUDIBR  A.S.  [Part  m 

Tlio  cross  and  pile  for  better  or  worse  ;*  68n 

A  mode  that  is  held  honourable, 

As  well  as  French,  and  fashionable  : 

For  when  it  falls  out  for  the  best. 

Where  both  are  incommoded  least, 

In  soul  and  body  two  unite,  68S 

To  make  up  one  hermaphrodite, 

Still  amorous,  and  fond,  and  billing, 

Like  Phillip  and  Mary  on  a  shilling,t 

They've  more  punctilios  and  capriches 

Between  the  petticoat  and  breeches,  69« 

More  petulant  extravagances. 

Than  poets  make  'em  in  romances ; 

Tho',  when  their  heroes  'spouse  the  dames, 

We  hear  no  more  of  charms  and  flames  ; 

For  then  their  late  attracts  decline,  695 

And  turn  as  eager  as  prick'd  wine  ; 

And  all  their  catterwauling  tricks, 

In  earnest  to  as  jealous  piques, 

Wliich  th'  ancients  wisely  signify'd 

By  th'  yellow  mantos  of  the  bride.t  700 

For  jealousy  is  but  a  kind 

Of  clap  and  grincam  of  the  mind,§ 


*  Whose  tonge  ne  pill  ne  crouche  male  hire.  J.  Gower. 
Here  it  signifies  a  mere  chance,  toss  up,  heads  or  tails.  This 
line  constitutes  a  sentence,  which  is  the  accusative  case  after 
the  verb  trust ;  in  tliis  sense,  trust  the  chance  for  happiness  or 
unhappiness  to  gallantries,  for  which  they  take  cue  another'* 
word. 

t  On  the  shillings  of  Philip  and  Mary,  coined  1555,  the  faces 
are  placed  opposite,  and  pretty  near  to  each  other. 

+  The  bride,  among  the  Romans,  was  brought  home  to  her 
husband  in  a  yellow  veil,  «alled  flammeum.  Thus  Ca,tullus, 
lis.  6: 

Cinge  tempora  floribus 
Suave-olentis  amaraci: 
Flammeum  cape, 
and  Lucan,  ii.  361 : 

Lutea  demissos  velarunt  flamraea  vuUus. 

The  widow  intimates,  that  the  yellow  color  of  the  veil  was 
an  einblem  of  jealousy.  The  gall,  which  is  of  that  color,  was 
considered  as  the  seat  of  the  evil  passions.  We  learn  from  Plu- 
tarch's connubial  precepts,  that  they  who  sacrificed  to  Juno  did 
not  consecrate  the  gall,  but  threw  it  beside  the  altar  :  signifying 
that  gall  or  anger  should  never  attend  a  marriage  ;  but  that  the 
severity  of  a  matron  should  be  profitable  and  pleasant,  like  the 
roughness  of  wine,  and  not  disagreeable  and  of  a  medicinal  qual- 
ity, like  aloes. 

$  The  later  editions  read  crincam ;  either  of  them  is  a  cant 
froru,  denoting  an  Infectious  disease,  or  whimsical  affection,  of 


Canto  i.]  HUDIBRAS.  335 

The  natural  effect  of  love, 

As  other  flames  and  aches  prove  : 

But  all  the  mischief  is,  the  doubt  709 

On  whose  account  they  first  broke  out ; 

For  tho'  Chineses  go  to  bed. 

And  lie-in  in  their  ladies'  stead,* 

And,  for  the  pains  they  took  before, 

Are  iiurs'd  and  pamper'd  to  do  more  ;  710 

Our  green-men  do  it  worse,  when  th'  hapT 


ihe  mind,  applied  commonly  to  love,  lewdness,  or  jealousy. 
Thus,  in  the  manors  of  East  and  West  Enborne,  in  Berkshire,  if 
the  widow  by  incontinence  forfeits  her  free  bench,  she  may  re- 
cover it  again,  by  riding  into  the  next  manor  court,  backward,  on 
»  black  ram,  with  his  tail  in  her  hand,  and  saying  the  following 
words : 

y^cve  J:  am,  fftiiua  upon  a  blaclt  ram, 
2,ifee  a  toljorc  as  £  am  : 
^nti  for  mi)  crfncum  crancum, 
JQabe  lost  mn  lifnnim  tancum. 

Blount's  Fragmenta  Antiquitat.  first  ed.  p.  144. 

I  Nares's  Glossary  affords  the  following  perfectly  explanatory 
passage  :  "You  must  know,  Sir,  in  a  nobleman  'tis  abusive  ;  no, 
"  in  him  the  serpigo,  in  a  knight  the  grincomes,  in  a  gentleman 
"  the  Neapolitan  scabb,  and  in  a  serving  man  or  artificer  the 
"  plaine  pox."     .Tnnes's  Adrasta,  1635.     C.  2.] 

*  In  some  countries,  after  the  wife  has  recovered  her  lying-in 
it  has  been  the  custom  fi)r  the  husband  logo  to  bed,  and  be  treat- 
ed with  the  same  care  and  tenderness.  ApoUonius  Rhodius,  II 
1013,  says  of  the  Tibarini  in  Pontus  : 

Tova^t  lUT  avTiK^  'iirtiTa  Vtvrjraiov  Aw;  aKprjv 
riidfixpavTC?,  (niovTo  irape^  Ti[3apr]viia  yalav. 
"Ei'Q'  ixti  ap  Kg  TCKUivrai  t'x'  di'Spd(n  TiKva  yvvalieti, 
Aurot  p.iv  CTCvdxovciv  ivl  \tx^^<^<^i-  ircadi'TCi, 
Kpdara  iriadfitvoi'  ral  6    cv  Kopiovaiv  iiii)Sjj 
^Avepac,  IjSi  Xocrpa  XtxaJi'a  Tolci  -nivovTai. 

\nd  Valerius  Flaccus,  v.  148 : 

Inde  Genetcei  rupem  Jovis,  hinc  Tibarenum 
Dant  virides  post  terga  lacus  ;  nbi  deside  niitra 
Foeta  ligat,  partuque  virum  fovet  ipsa  soluto. 

The  history  of  mankind  hath  scarcely  furnished  any  thing 
more  unaccountable  than  the  prevalence  of  this  custom.  We 
meet  with  it  in  ancient  and  modern  times,  in  the  old  world  and 
in  the  new,  among  nations  who  could  never  have  had  the  least 
intercourse  with  each  other.  In  Purchas's  Pilgrim,  it  is  said  to 
be  practised  among  the  Brazilians.  At  Haerlem,  a  cambric 
cockade  hung  to  the  door,  shows  that  the  woman  of  the  house 
Is  brought  to  bed,  and  that  her  husband  claims  a  protection  from 
arrests  during  the  six  weeks  of  his  wife's  confinement.  Polnitz 
Memoirs,  vol.  ii.  p.  396. 

t  Raw,  inexperienced  youths ;  or  else  the  beaus  and  coxcombs 
of  those  days,  who  might  delight  in  green  clothes :  or  perhaps 


336  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  to. 

To  fall  in  laoour  of  a  clap  ; 

Both  lay  the  child  to  one  another, 

But  who's  the  father,  who  the  mother, 

'Tis  hard  to  say  in  multitudes,  713 

Or  who  imported  the  French  goods.* 

But  health  and  sickness  b'ing  all  one, 

Which  both  engag'd  before  to  own,t 

And  are  not  with  their  bodies  bound 

To  worship,  only  when  they're  sound,  720 

Both  give  and  take  their  equal  shares 

Of  all  they  suffer  by  false  wares  ; 

A  fate  no  lover  can  divert 

With  all  his  caution,  wit,  and  art : 

For  'tis  in  vain  to  think  to  guess  725 

At  women  by  appearances. 

That  paint  and  patcli  their  imperfections 

Of  intellectual  complections. 

And  daub  their  tempers  o'er  with  washes 

As  artificial  as  their  faces  ;  730 

Wear  under  vizard-masks  their  talents 

And  mother-wits  before  their  gallants : 


he  means  a  new-married  couple.    Shakspeare,  in  Hamlet,  (Act 
iv.  sc.  5,)  says : 

And  we  have  done  but  greenly  to  inter  him. 

*  Nicholas  Monardes,  a  physician  of  Seville,  who  died  1577, 
tells  us  that  this  disease  was  supposed  to  have  been  brought  into 
Europe  at  the  siege  of  Naples,  from  the  West  Indies,  by  some  of 
Columbus's  sailors,  who  accompanied  him  to  Naples  on  his  re- 
turn from  his  first  voyage.  When  peace  was  there  made  be- 
tween the  French  and  Spaniards,  the  armies  of  both  nations  had 
free  intercourse,  and  conversini;  with  the  same  women,  were  in- 
fected by  this  disorder.  The  Spaniards  thouaht  they  had  re- 
ceived the  contagion  from  the  French,  and  the  French  maintained 
that  it  had  been  conmiunicated  to  them  by  the  Spaniards.  Gu- 
icciardin,  in  the  end  of  his  second  book,  dates  the  origin  of  this 
distemper  in  Europe  at  the  year  1495."  Dr.  Gascoigne,  as  quoted 
by  Antiiony  Wood,  says  he  had  known  several  persons  who  had 
died  of  it  in  his  time.  Naples  was  besieged  in  the  rei^n  of  our 
Henry  VH.,  and  Dr.  Gascoigne  lived  in  the  time  of  Richard  II. 
and  Henry  VI.  His  will  was  proved  in  the  year  1457.  The  ac- 
count of  Monardes  is  erroneous  in  many  particulars.  Indeed, 
after  all  the  pains  which  have  been  taken  by  judicious  writers, 
to  prove  that  this  disease  was  brought  from  America  or  the  West 
Indies,  the  fact  is  not  sufficiently  established.  Perhaps  it  was  gen- 
erated in  Guinea,  or  some  other  equinoctial  part  of  Africa.  As 
ttruc,  the  best  writer  on  this  subject,  says  it  was  brought  from 
the  West  Indies  between  the  years  1494  and  1496. 

t  Alluding  to  the  words  of  the  marriage  ceremony :  so  in  the 
following  lines, 

with  their  bodies  bound 

To  worship. 


1 


Canto  i.]  HUDIBRAS  337 

Until  they're  hamper'd  in  the  noose, 

Too  fast  to  dream  of  breaking  loose  ; 

When  ail  the  flaws  they  strove  to  hide  735 

Are  made  unready  with  the  bride, 

That  with  her  wedding-clothes  undresses 

Her  complaisance  and  gentilesses  ; 

Tries  all  her  arts  to  take  upon  her 

The  government,  from  th'  easy  owner  ;  740 

Until  the  wretch  is  glad  to  wave 

His  lawful  right,  and  turn  her  slave  ; 

Find  all  his  having  and  his  holding 

Reduc'd  t'  eternal  noise  and  scolding  ; 

The  conjugal  petard,  that  tears  .  745 

Down  all  portcuUices  of  ears,* 

And  makes  the  volley  of  one  tongue 

For  all  their  leathern  shields  too  strong ; 

When  only  arm'd  with  noise  and  nails. 

The  female  silkworms  ride  the  males,t  750 

Transform  'em  into  rams  and  goats, 

Like  syrens,  with  their  charming  notes  ; 

Sweet  as  a  screech-owl's  serenade. 

Or  those  enchanting  murmurs  made 

By  th'  husband  mandrake,  and  the  wife,  755 

Both  bury'd,  like  themselves,  alive.t 

Quoth  he,  These  reasons  are  but  strains 
Of  wanton,  over-heated  brains. 
Which  ralliers  in  their  ^vit  or  drink 
Do  rather  wheedle  with,  than  think.  760 

Man  was  not  man  in  paradise, 
Until  he  was  created  twice. 
And  had  his  better  half,  his  bride, 


*  The  pnet  humorously  compares  the  noise  and  clamor  of  a 
»»,o!ding  wife,  which  breaks  the  drum  of  her  husband's  ears,  to 
the  petard,  or  short  cannon,  beating  down  the  gates  of  a  castle. 

t  That  is,  the  females,  like  silk-worms,  gaudy  reptiles. 

i  Ancient  botanists  entertained  various  conceits  about  this 
plant;  in  its  forked  roots  they  discovered  the  shapes  of  men  and 
women  ;  and  the  sound  which  proceeded  from  its  strong  fibres, 

hen  strained  or  torn  from  the  ground,  they  took  for  the  voice  of  a 
^uman  being ;  sometimes  they  imagined  that  they  had  distinctly 
heard  their  conversation.  The  poet  takes  the  liberty  of  entail- 
ing upon  these  hints  and  represents  the  ni:indrake  husband  and 
wife  quarrelling  under  ground  ;  a  situiUion,  he  says,  not  more 
uncomfortable  than  that  of  a  married  pair  continually  at  vari- 
ance, since  these,  if  not  in  fiict,  are  virtually  buried  alive.  In 
Columella,  lib.  x.,  we  have,  semlhomines  mandrajorte  flores 
The  Hebrew  word,  in  Genesis,  may  be  disputed  upon  forever. 
Benoit,  the  historian  of  the  revocation  of  the  edict  of-  NantZi 
thought  it  meant  strawberries.  Ciiaufepife,  v.  Benoit. 
15 


338  HUDIBRAS  (Part  in. 

Carv'd  from  th'  original,  his  side,* 

T'  amend  iiis  natural  defects,  765 

And  perfect  his  recruited  sex  ; 

Enlarge  his  breed,  at  once,  and  lessen 

The  pains  and  labour  of  increasing. 

By  changing  them  for  other  cares. 

As  by  his  dry'd-up  paps  appears.  77C 

His  body,  that  stupendous  frame, 

Of  all  the  world  the  anagram,t 

Is  of  two  equal  parts  compact, 

In  shape  and  symmetry  exact. 

Of  which  the  left  and  female  side  775 

Is  to  the  manly  right  a  bride,t 

Both  join'd  together  with  such  art. 

That  nothing  else  but  death  can  part. 

Those  heav'nl)'-  attracts  of  your's,  your  eyes, 

And  face,  that  all  the  world  surprise,  780 

That  dazzle  all  that  look  upon  ye. 

And  scorch  all  other  ladies  tawny : 

Those  ravishing  and  charming  graces. 

Are  all  made  up  of  two  half  faces 

That,  in  a  mathematic  line,  785 

Like  those  in  other  heav'ns,  join  ;§ 

Of  which,  if  either  grew  alone, 


*  Thus  Cleveland : 

Adam,  'til  his  rib  was  lost, 

Had  the  sexes  thus  engrost. 

When  Providence  our  sire  did  cleave, 

And  out  of  Adam  carved  Eve, 

Then  did  men  'bout  wedlock  treat, 

To  make  his  body  up  complete, 
t  The  world  in  a  state  of  transposition.    INIan  is  often  called 
the  microcosm,  or  world  in   miniature.    Jlnagram  is  a  conceit 
from  the  letters  of  a  name   transposed;  though  perhaps   with 
more  propriety  we  might  read  diagram. 

t  In  the  Symposium  of  Plato,  Aristophanes,  one  of  thedialo- 
gists  relates,  that  the  human  species,  at  its  original  formation, 
consisted  not  only  of  males  and  females,  but  of  a  third  kind,  com- 
posed of  two  entire  beings  of  different  sexes.  This  last  rebelled 
against  Jupiter ;  and  for  a  punishment,  or  to  render  its  attacks 
the  less  formidable  in  future,  was  completely  d'vided.  The 
strong  propensity  which  inclines  the  separate  parts  to  a  reunion, 
is,  according  to  the  same  fable,  the  origin  of  love.  And  since  it 
is  hardly  possible  that  the  dissevered  moieties  should  stumble 
upon  each  other,  after  they  have  wandered  about  the  earth,  we 
may,  upon  the  same  hypothesis,  account  for  the  number  of  un- 
happy and  disproportionate  matches  which  men  daily  engage 
in,  by  saying  that  they  mistake  their  proper  halves. 

$That  is,  that  join  insensibly  in  an  imperceptible  line,  like  the 
Imaginary  lines  of  mathematicians.  Other  heavens,  that  is,  the 
real  heavens. 


Canto  i.]  HUDIBRAS.  339 

'Twould  fright  as  much  to  look  upon  : 

And  so  would  that  sweet  bud,  your  lip, 

Without  the  other's  fellowship.  790 

Our  noblest  senses  act  by  pairs, 

Two  eyes  to  see,  to  hear  two  ears ; 

Th'  intelligencers  of  the  mind, 

To  wait  upon  the  soul  desigu'd  : 

But  those  that  serve  the  body  alone,  7DC 

Are  single  and  confin'd  to  one. 

The  world  is  but  two  parts,  that  meet 

And  close  at  th'  equinoctial  fit ; 

And  so  are  all  the  works  of  nature, 

Stamp'd  with  her  signature  on  matter  ;  800 

Which  all  her  creatures,  to  a  leaf. 

Or  smallest  blade  of  grass,  receive.* 

All  which  sufBciently  declare 

How  entirely  marriage  is  her  care. 

The  only  method  that  she  uses,  805 

In  all  the  wonders  she  produces  ; 

And  those  that  take  their  rules  from  her 

Can  never  be  deceived,  nor  err  : 

For  what  secures  the  civil  life. 

But  pawns  of  children,  and  a  wife  ?t  810 

That  lie,  like  hostages,  at  stake, 

To  pay  for  all  men  undertake  ; 

To  whom  it  is  as  necessary, 

As  to  be  born  and  breathe,  to  marry  ; 

So  universal,  all  mankind  815 

In  nothing  else  is  of  one  mind : 

For  in  what  stupid  age,  or  nation, 

Was  marriage  ever  out  of  fashion  ?t 

Unless  among  the  Amazons, 

Or  cloister'd  friars  and  vestal  nuns,§  820 

Or  stoics,  who,  to  bar  the  freaks 

And  loose  excesses  of  the  sex, 

Prepost'rously  would  have  all  women 

Turn'd  up  to  all  the  world  in  common  ;|| 


*  The  sexual  differences  of  plants. 

t  Clui  liberDS  genuit,  obsides  fortuna;  dedit. 

i  The  general  prevalence  of  matrimony  is  a  good  argument 
for  its  use  and  continuance. 

$  The  Amazons  were  women  of  Scythian  extraction,  settled 
in  Cappadocia,  who,  as  Justin  tells  us,  avoided  marriage,  ac- 
counting it  no  better  than  servitude.  Cloistered  friars,  so  termed 
by  the  poet,  because  they  take  a  vow  of  celibacy  like  the  vestals 
in  ancient  Rome.  The  poor  vestal  nuns  must  have  a  place  in 
the  catalogue. 

II  Diogenes  asserted,  that  marriage  was  nothing  but  an  empty 


340  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  m. 

Tho'  men  would  find  such  mortal  feuds  825 

In  sharing  of  their  public  goods, 

'T would  put  them  to  more  charge  of  lives, 

Than  they're  supply'd  with  now  by  wives  ; 

Until  they  graze  and  wear  their  clothes, 

As  beasts  do,  of  their  native  growths  :*  830 

For  simple  wearing  of  their  horns 

Will  not  suffice  to  serve  their  turns. 

For  vphat  can  we  pretend  t'  inherit, 

Unless  the  marriage  deed  will  bear  it? 

Could  claim  no  right  to  lands  or  rents,  835 

But  for- our  parents'  settlements  ; 

Had  been  but  younger  sons  o'  th'  earth, 

Debarr'd  it  all,  but  for  our  birth.t . 

What  honours,  or  estates  of  peers, 

Could  be  preserv'd  but  by  their  heirs  ?  840 

And  what  security  maintains 

Their  right  and  title,  but  the  bans  ? 

What  crowns  could  be  hereditary, 

If  greatest  monarchs  did  not  marry. 

And  with  their  consorts  consummate  845 

Their  v/eightiest  interests  of  state  ? 

For  all  th'  amours  of  princes  are 

But  guarantees  of  peace  or  war. 

Or  what  but  marriage  has  a  charm, 

The  rage  of  empires  to  disarm  ?  850 

Make  blood  and  desolation  cease, 

And  fire  and  sword  unite  in  peace. 

When  all  their  fierce  contests  for  forage 

Conclude  in  articles  of  marriage  ? 

Nor  does  the  genial  bed  provide  855 

Less  for  the  int'rests  of  the  bride. 

Who  else  had  not  the  least  pretence 

T'  as  much  as  due  benevolence  ; 


name.  And  Zeno,  the  father  of  the  stoics,  maintained  that  all 
women  ought  to  be  common,  that  no  words  were  obscene,  and 
no  parts  of  the  body  needed  to  be  covered. 

*  i.  e.  such  intercommunity  of  women  would  be  productive  of 
the  worst  consequences,  unless  mankind  were  alreadv  reduced 
to  the  most  barbarous  state  of  nature,  and  men  become  altogether 
brutes. 

t  If  there  had  been  no  matrimony,  we  should  have  had  no 
provision  made  for  us  by  our  forefathers  ;  but,  like  younger  chil- 
dren of  our  primitive  parent  the  earth,  should  have  been  exclu- 
ded from  every  possession.  He  seems  to  reflect  obliquely  upon 
the  common  method  of  distributing  the  properties  of  families  so 
much  in  favor  of  the  elder  branchos,  the  younger  sons  not  inher- 
iting the  land. 


Canto  i.]  HUDIBRAS.  341 

Could  no  more  title  take  upon  her 

To  virtue,  quality,  and  honour,  SCO 

Than  ladies  errant  unconfin'd. 

And  femme-coverts  t'  all  mankind. 

All  women  would  be  of  one  piece, 

The  virtuous  matron,  and  the  miss ; 

The  nymphs  of  ciiaste  Diana's  train,  865 

The  same  with  those  in  Lewkner's-lane,* 

But  for  the  diff'rence  marriage  makes 

'Twixt  wives  and  ladies  of  the  lakes  :t 

Besides,  the  joys  of  place  and  birth 

The  sex's  paradise  on  earth,t  67i 

A  privilege  so  sacred  held. 

That  none  will  to  their  mothers  yield  ; 

But  rather  than  not  go  before. 

Abandon  heaven  at  the  door  :§ 

And  if  th'  indulgent  law  allows  875 

A  greater  freedom  to  the  spouse, 

The  reason  is,  because  the  wife 

Runs  greater  hazards  of  her  life  ; 

Is  trusted  with  the  form  and  matter 

Of  all  mankind,  by  careful  nature,  880 

Where  man  brings  nothing  but  the  stuff 

She  frames  the  wond'rous  fabric  of  ;11 


*  A  street  in  the  neighborhood  of  Drury-lane  or  St.  Giles's, 
inhabited  chiefly  by  struiiipels. 

t  Alluding  to  the  old  romance  of  Sir  Lancelot  and  the  Lady 
of  the  Lake.  Rlr.  fVarburton.  But  the  corrected  edition  reads 
lakes  in  the  plural  number ;  and  perhaps  we  may  look  for  these 
ladies  elsewhere, — in  the  la  ;unes  of  Venice,  certain  streets  in 
Westminster,  or  Lambeth  Marsh,  Bankside,  &c.  &c.  [Lake,  to 
play  ;  from  the  Gothic  and  Saxou,  laikan.  Used  in  the  north  of 
England.  Todd.] 
X  Thus  Mr.  Pope : 

For  sylphs,  yet  mindful  of  their  ancient  race, 
Are,  as  when  women,  wond'rous  fond  of  place. 
Our  poet,  though  vindicating  the  ladies  and  the  happy  estate 
of  matrimony,  cannot  help  introducing  this  stroke  of  satire :  Bas- 
tards have  no  place,  or  rank. 

§  That  is,  not  go  to  church  at  all,  if  they  have  not  their  right 
of  precedence.    Chaucer  says  of  the  wife  of  Bath,  451 : 
In  all  the  parish  wif  ne  was  there  nnn, 
That  to  the  offrinp  before  hire  shiilde  gon, 
And  if  ther  did,  certain  so  wroth  was  she, 
That  she  was  out  of  aile  charitee. 
fl  Various  have  been  the  attempts  to  explain  the  mystery  of 
peneration.     Aristotle,  Harvey,  Lewenhoek,  Drake,  and  Barlho- 
line,  have  produced  their  diiierent   hypotheses.     But  from  fur- 
ther discoveries  in  anatomy,  supported  by  the  strictest  analogy 
throughout  the  animal  and  vegetable  kingdoms,  it  appears  that 


342  IIUDIBRAS.  [Part  in. 

Who  therefore,  in  a  strait,  may  freely 

Demand  the  clergy  of  her  belly,* 

And  make  it  save  her  the  same  way,  833 

It  seldom  misses  to  betray  ;t 

Unless  both  parties  wisely  enter 

Into  the  liturgy-indenture. 

And  tho'  some  fits  of  small  contest 

Sometimes  fall  out  among  the  best,  S90 

That  is  no  more  than  ev'ry  lovei 

Does  from  his  hackney  lady  suffer  ; 

That  makes  no  breach  of  faith  and  love, 

But  rather,  sometimes,  serves  t'  improve  ;t 

For  as,  in  running,  ev'ry  pace  895 

Is  but  between  two  legs  a  race. 

In  which  both  do  their  uttermost 

To  get  before,  and  win  the  post ; 

Yet  when  they're  at  their  race's  ends. 

They're  still  as  kind  and  constant  friends,  900 

And,  to  relieve  their  weariness, 

By  turns  give  one  another  ease  ; 

So  all  those  false  alarms  of  strife 

Between  the  husband  and  the  wife. 

And  little  quarrels  often  prove  905 

To  be  but  new  recruits  of  love  ; 

When  those  wlio're  always  kind  or  coy, 

In  time  must  either  tire  or  cloy.§ 


the  female  furnishes  the  germ  or  ovum,  which  is  only  impregna- 
ted by  the  male:  or,  in  the  words  of  Mr.  Hunter,  the  female  pro- 
duces a  seed,  in  which  is  the  matter  fitted  for  the  first  arrange- 
ment of  the  organs  of  the  animal,  and  which  ret-eives  the  prin- 
ciple of  arrangement  fitting  it  for  action,  from  the  male. 

♦  As  benefit  of  clergy  may  be  craved  in  some  cases  of  felony  : 
so  pregnant  women,  who  have  received  sentence  of  death,  may 
demand  or  crave  a  respite  from  execution,  till  after  they  are  de- 
livered. 

t  As  their  big  bellies  betray  their  incontinence,  so  they  some 
times  save  their  lives. 

i         Amantium  irffi,  amoris  jntegratio  est. 

Tev.  And.  iii.  sc.iii.23. 

In  amore  haec  omnia  insunt  vitia  ;  injurite, 

Suspiciones,  inimicitiae,  inducis, 

Bellum,  pax  rursum.  Id.  Eun.  I.  sc.  i.  14. 

^  Coy  seems  to  be  used  in  the  French  sense,  for  quiet,  or  still 
It  has  this  signification  both  in  Chaucer  and  Douglas.  fA  pas- 
sage quoted  by  archileacou  Mares  under  the  verb  to  coy,  will  ex- 
plain Butler's  meaning: 

And  while  she  coys  his  sooty  cheeks,  and  curies  his  sweaty  top 
Warner's  Alb.  Engl.  B.  vi.  p.  148. 

And  the  following  line  from  an  old  poem,  "  William  and  the 


Canto  i.]  HUDIBRAS.  34S 

Nor  are  their  loudest  clamours  more 

Than  as  they're  rehsh'd,  sweet  or  sour  ;  919 

Like  music,  that  proves  bad  or  good, 

According  as  'tis  understood. 

In  all  amours  a  lover  burns 

With  frowns,  as  well  as  smiles,  by  turns  ; 

And  hearts  have  been  as  oft  with  sullep,  913 

As  charming  looks,  snrpriz'd  and  stolen 

Then  why  should  more  bewitching  clamour 

Some  lovers  not  as  much  enamour  ? 

For  discords  make  the  sweetest  airs, 

And  curses  are  a  kind  of  pray'rs  ;  920 

Too  slight  alloys  for  all  those  grand 

Felicities  by  marriage  gain'd  : 

For  nothing  else  has  pow'r  to  settle 

Th'  interests  of  love  perpetual  ; 

An  act  and  deed  that  makes  one  heart  925 

Become  another's  counter-part. 

And  passes  fines  on  faith  and  love,* 

InroU'd  and  register'd  above. 

To  seal  the  slippery  knots  of  vows, 

Which  nothing  else  but  death  can  loose.  930 

And  what  security's  too  strong 

To  guard  that  gentle  heart  from  wrong, 

That  to  its  friend  is  glad  to  pass 

Itself  away,  and  all  it  has, 

And,  like  an  anchorite,  gives  over  935 

This  world,  for  th'  heav'n  of  a  lover  ?t 

I  grant,  quoth  she,  there  are  some  few 
Who  take  that  course,  and  find  it  true  ; 
But  millions,  whom  the  same  does  sentence 
To  heav'n  b'  another  way,  repentance.  940 

Love's  arrows  are  but  shot  at  rovers,t 
Tho'  all  they  hit  they  turn  to  lovers. 
And  all  the  weighty  consequents 
Depend  upon  more  blind  events 

Than  gamesters  when  they  play  a  set,  945 

With  greatest  cunning,  at  piquet 

Werwolf,"  may  be  interesting  on  a  word  that  has  been  used  in 
such  opposite  senses : 

Acoyed  it  [a  child]  to  come  to  him  and  clepud  it  oft.] 

*  That  is,  makes  them  irrevocable,  and  secures  the  title ;  as 
passing  a  fine  in  law  does  a  conveyance  or  settlement. 

t  Mr.  Butler,  I  hope,  has  now  made  amends  for  his  former  in- 
civility. In  this  speech  the  knight  has  defended  the  ladies,  and 
the  married  state,  with  great  gallantry,  wit,  and  good  sense. 

X  That  is,  shot  at  random,  passim,  temere. 


344  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  m 

Put  out  with  caution,  but  take  in 

They  know  not  what,  unsight,  unseen. 

For  what  do  lovers,  when  they're  fast 

In  one  another's  arms  einbrac'd,  950 

But  strive  to  plunder,  and  convey 

Each  other,  hke  a  prize,  away  1* 

To  change  the  property  of  selves, 

As  sucking  children  are  by  elves? 

And  if  they  use  their  persons  so,  953 

What  will  they  to  their  fortunes  do? 

Their  fortunes  !  the  perpetual  aims 

Of  all  their  extacies  and  flames. 

For  when  the  money's  on  the  book, 

And  "  all  my  worldly  goods" — but  spoke.t  96C 

The  formal  livery  and  seisin 

That  puts  a  lover  in  possession  ; 

To  that  alone  the  bridegroom's  wedded, 

The  bride  a  flam  that's  superseded  ; 

To  that  their  faith  is  still  made  good,  965 

And  all  the  oaths  to  us  they  vow'd  ; 

For  when  we  once  resign  our  pow'rs. 

We  'vo  nothing  left  we  can  call  ours : 

Our  money's  now  become  the  miss 

Of  till  your  lives  and  services  ;  970 

And  we  forsaken  and  postpon'd. 

But  bawds  to  what  before  we  own'd  ;t 

Which,  as  it  made  y'  at  first  gallant  us, 

So  now  hires  others  to  supplant  us, 

Until  'tis  all  turn'd  out  of  doors,  975 

As  we  had  been,  for  new  amours. 

For  wliat  did  ever  heiress  yet. 

By  being  born  to  lordships  get? 

When  the  more  lady  she's  of  manors, 

She's  but  expos'd  to  more  trepanners,  980 

Pays  for  their  projects  and  designs. 

And  for  her  own  destruction  fines  ; 

And  does  but  tempt  them  with  her  riches, 

To  use  her  as  the  dev'l  does  witches, 


*  QuiE  me  surpuerat  niihi.  Hor.  lib.  iv.  od.  13. 

But  such  writers  as  Petronius  best  explain  the  spirit  of  this 
passage,  were  it  fit  to  be  explained.  Transfudimus  hinc  et  hinc 
iabellis  errantes  aniinas. 

t  Alluiling  to  the  form  of  marriage  in  the  common  prayer- 
book,  where  the  fee  is  directed  to  be  put  upon  the  book,  and  the 
bridegroom  endows  the  bride  with  all  his  worldly  goods. 

i  That  is,  are  procurers  of  Ihe  Miss,  our  money,  which  we 
before  owned. 


Camto  1.1  HUDIBRAS.  345 

Who  takes  it  for  a  special  grace,  38fi 

To  be  their  cully  for  a  space, 

That,  when  the  time's  expir'd,  the  drazels* 

For  ever  may  become  his  vassals  * 

(So  she,  bewitch'd  by  rooks  and  spirits. 

Betrays  herself,  and  all  sh'  inherits  ;  99C 

Is  bought  and  sold,  like  stolen  goods. 

By  pimps,  and  match-makers,  and  bawds  ; 

Until  they  force  her  to  convey 

And  steal  the  thief  himself  away. 

These  are  the  everlasting  fruits  99C 

Of  all  your  passionate  love-suits, 

Th'  effects  of  all  your  am'rous  fancies. 

To  portions  and  inheritances  ; 

Your  Icve-sick  raptures  for  fruition 

Of  dowry,  jointure,  and  tuition  ;  lOOt 

To  which  you  make  address  and  courtship. 

And  with  your  bodies  strive  to  worship. 

That  th'  infant's  fortunes  may  partake 

Of  love  too,t  for  the  mother's  sake. 

For  these  you  play  at  purposes,  1005 

And  love  your  loves  with  A's  and  B's  ; 

For  these,  at  Beste  and  I'Ombre  woo. 

And  play  for  love  and  money  too  -,1 

Strive  who  shall  be  the  ablest  man 

At  right  gallanting  of  a  fan  ;  1010 


*  The  mean,  low  wretches,  or  draggle-tails.  Drazels,  I  be- 
lieve, means  vagrants,  from  an  old  French  word,  draseler,  a  vaga- 
bond ;  draser,  the  same  iis  VHguer:  the  words  sienitv  the  same  in 
Dutch.    Thus  Warner,  in  his  Albion's  England : 

Now  does  each  drazel  in  her  glass,  when  I  was  young  I  wot, 
On  holydays  (for  seldom  else)  such  idle  time  was  got. 

[Draseler  \s  not  to  he  found  in  Roquefort,  Fnretierre,  nor  Rich 
eiet,  nor  is  it  in  the  Dutch  Dictionaries  of  Halma  nor  Winckel- 
Dian  ;  but  dras,  in  Dutch,  is  mud  ;  and  as  Grose  explains  drazil, 
a  dirry  slut,  and  gives  the  word  to  the  southern  part  of  England, 
the  Dutch  language  may  have  in  this  case  enriched  our  vocabu- 
lary, and  we  need  not  go  with  Todd  and  Nares  to  drotchell  and 
irostel.] 

t  That  is,  the  widow's  children  by  a  former  husband,  that  are 
tinder  age,  to  whom  the  lover  would  be  glad  to  be  guardian,  as 
well  as  have  the  management  of  the  jointure. 

X  The  widow,  in  these  and  the  following  lines,  gives  no  bad 
sketch  of  a  person  who  endeavors  to  retrieve  his  circumstances 
by  marriage,  and  practises  every  method  in  his  power  to  recom- 
mend himself  to  his  rich  mistress:  he  plays  with  her  at  ques- 
tions and  commands,  endeavors  to  divert  her  with  cards,  puts 
himself  in  masquerade,  flirts  her  fan,  talks  of  flames  and  darts, 
aches  and  sufferings  ;  which  last,  the  poet  intimates,  might  mora 
justly  be  attributed  to  other  causes. 
15» 


346  HUDIBRAS.  [Pabt  hi. 

And  who  the  most  genteelly  bred 

At  sucking  of  a  vizard-bead  ;* 

How  best  t'  accost  us  in  all  quarters, 

T'  our  question  and  command  new  garters  ;T 

And  solidly  discourse  upon  1015 

All  sorts  of  dresses  pro  and  con  : 

For  there's  no  mystery  nor  trade, 

But  in  the  art  of  love  is  made  ;t 

And  when  you  have  more  debts  to  pay 

Than  Michaelmas  and  Lady-day,§  1020 

And  no  way  possible  to  do  't 

But  love  and  oaths,  and  restless  suit, 

To  us  y'  apply,  to  pay  the  scores 

Of  all  your  cully'd  past  amours  ; 

Act  o'er  your  flames  and  darts  again,  1025 

And  charge  us  with  your  wounds  and  pain  ; 

Which  other's  influences  long  since 

Have  charm'd  your  noses  with,  and  shins  ; 

For  which  the  surgeon  is  unpaid, 

And  like  to  be,  without  our  aid.  1030 

Lord  !  what  an  am'rous  thing  is  want ! 

How  debts  and  mortgages  enchant ! 

What  graces  must  that  lady  have. 

That  can  from  executions  save  I 

What  charms,  that  can  reverse  extent,  1035 

And  null  decree  and  exigent! 

What  magical  attracts,  and  graces, 

That  can  redeem  from  scire  facias  I|| 

From  bonds  and  statutes  can  discharge, 


*  Masks  were  kept  close  to  the  face,  by  a  bead  fixed  to  the  in- 
side of  them,  and  held  in  the  mouth. 

t  At  the  vulgar  play  of  questions  and  commands,  a  forfeiture 
often  was  to  takeotTa  lady's  garter :  expecting  this  therefore  the 
lady  provided  herself  with  new  ones.  Or  she  might  be  com- 
manded to  make  the  gentleman  a  present  of  a  pair  of  new 
garters. 

t  That  is,  made  use  of,  or  practised. 

\  These  are  ttie  two  principal  rent-days  in  the  year:  unpleas- 
ant days  to  the  tenant,  and  not  satisfactory  to  the  landlord,  when 
his  debts  exceed  his  rents. 

II  Here  the  pnet  shows  bis  knowledge  of  the  law,  and  law 
terms,  which  he  always  uses  with  great  propriety.  Execution  is 
obtaining  piis>ession  of  any  thing  recovered  by  judgment  of  law. 
Extent,  the  estimate  of  lands  to  their  utmost  value  by  the 
sherilf  and  jury,  in  order  to  satisfy  a  bond,  or  other  engagement 
forfeited.  Exigent  is  a  writ  requiring  a  person  to  appear;  it  lies 
where  the  defendant  in  an  action  personal  cannot  be  found,  or 
any  thing  in  the  county,  whereby  he  may  be  distrained.  Scira 
'acias,  a  writ  to  show  cause  why  execution  of  judgment  should 
not  go  out 


Canto  i.]  HUDIBRAS.  347 

And  from  contempts  of  courts  enlarge  !  lOia 

These  are  the  highest  excellencies 

Of  all  your  true  or  false  pretences  ; 

And  you  would  damn  yourselves,  and  swear 

As  much  t'  an  hostess  dowager, 

Grown  fat  and  pursy  by  retail  1045 

Of  pots  of  beer  and  bottled  ale. 

And,  find  her  fitter  for  your  turn, 

For  fat  is  wondrous  apt  to  burn  ; 

Who  at  your  flames  would  soon  take  fire, 

Relent,  and  melt  to  your  desire,  105J 

And  like  a  candle  m  the  socket, 

Dissolve  her  graces  iut'  your  pocket. 

By  this  time  'twas  grown  dark  and  late, 
When  th'  heard  a  knocking  at  the  gatf 
Laid  on  in  haste,  with  such  a  powder,  105t 

The  blows  grew  louder  still  and  louder: 
Which  Hudibras,  as  if  they  'ad  been 
Bestow'd  as  freely  on  his  skin. 
Expounding  by  his  inward  light, 
Or  rather  more  prophetic  fright,  1060 

To  be  the  wizard,  come  to  search, 
And  take  him  napping  in  the  lurch, 
Turn'd  pale  as  ashes,  or  a  clout ; 
But  why,  or  wherefore,  is  a  doubt : 
For  men  will  tremble,  and  turn  paler,  1065 

With  too  much,  or  too  little  valour. 
His  heart  laid  on,  as  if  it  try'd 
To  force  a  passage  through  his  side,* 
Impatient,  cis  he  vow'd,  to  wait  'em. 
But  in  a  fury  to  fly  at  'em  ;  1070 

And  therefore  beat,  and  laid  about. 
To  find  a  cranny  to  creep  out. 
But  she,  who  saw  in  what  a  taking 
The  Knight  was  by  his  furious  quaking. 
Undaunted  cry'd,  Courage,  sir  Knight,  1075 

Know  I'm  resolv'd  to  break  no  rite 
Of  hospitality  t'  a  stranger ; 
But,  to  secure  you  out  of  danger, 
Will  here  myself  stand  sentinel. 

To  guard  this  pass  'gainst  Sidrophel  :  1080 

Women,  you  know,  do  seldom  fail 
To  make  the  stoutest  men  turn  tail. 
And  bravely  scorn  to  turn  their  backs, 
Upon  the  desp'ratest  attacks. 

*  'EjCTop/  T*  ahru)  Ov/jos  hi  ^>jdc(T<n  Trdraaacv.     II.  vii.  21& 


348  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  in 

At  this  the  Knight  grew  resolute,  1085 

As  Ironside,  or  Hardiknute  :* 

His  fortitude  began  to  rally, 

And  out  he  cry'd  aloud,  to  sally ; 

But  she  besought  liim  to  convey 

His  courage  rather  out  o'  th'  way,  1090 

And  lodge  in  ambush  on  tho  floor, 

Or  fortify'd  behind  a  door. 

That,  if  the  enemy  should  enter. 

He  might  relieve  her  in  th'  adventure. 

Meanwhile  they  knock'd  against  the  doo' ,         1095 
As  fierce  as  at  the  gate  before ; 
Which  made  the  renegado  Knight 
Relapse  again  t'  his  former  fright. 
He  thought  it  desperate  to  stay 

Till  th'  enemy  had  forc'd  his  way,  1100 

But  rather  post  himself,  to  serve 
The  lady  for  a  fresh  reserve. 
His  duty  was  not  to  dispute, 
But  what  she  'ad  order'd  execute ; 
Which  lie  resolv'd  in  haste  t'  obey,  1105 

And  therefore  stoutly  march'd  away, 
And  all  h'  encounter'd  fell  upon, 
Tho'  iu  the  dark,  and  all  alone ; 
Till  fear,  that  braver  feats  performs 
Than  ever  courage  dar'd  in  arms,  1110 

Had  drawn  him  up  before  a  pass, 
To  stand  upon  his  guard,  and  face  ; 
This  he  courageously  invaded, 
And,  having  enter'd,  barricado'd  ; 
Ensconc'd  himself  as  formidable  1115 

As  could  be  underneath  a  table  ; 
Where  he  lay  down  in  ambush  close, 
T'  expect  th'  arrival  of  his  foes. 
Few  minutes  he  had  lain  perdue. 
To  guard  his  desp'rate  avenue,  1120 

Before  he  heard  a  dreadful  shout. 
As  loud  as  putting  to  the  rout, 
With  which  impatiently  alarm'd. 
He  fancy'd  th'  enemy  had  storm'd. 
And  after  ent'ring,  Sidrophel  1135 

Was  fall'n  upon  the  guards  pellmell  ; 
He  therefore  sent  out  all  his  senses 
To  bring  him  in  intelligences, 

*  Two  princes  celebrated  for  their  valor  in  our  histories.   Th« 
former  lived  about  the  year  1016,  the  latter  1037. 


Canto  i.]  HUDIBRAS.  34fc 

Which  viilgars,  out  of  ignorance, 

Mistalio  for  falling  in  a  trance ;  1138 

But  tliose  that  trade  in  geomancy,* 

Affirm  to  be  the  strength  of  fancy  ; 

In  which  the  Lapland  magi  deal, 

And  things  incredible  reveal. 

Mean  while  the  foe  beat  up  his  quarters,  1135 

And  storm'd  the  outworks  of  his  fortress  ; 

And  as  another  of  the  same 

Degree  and  party,  in  arms  and  fame, 

That  in  the  same  cause  had  engag'd. 

And  war  with  equal  conduct  wag'd,  1140 

By  vent'ring  only  but  to  thrust 

His  head  a  span  beyond  his  post, 

B'  a  gen'ral  of  the  cavaliers 

Was  dragg'd  thro'  a  window  by  the  ears  :t 

So  he  was  serv'd  in  his  redoubt,  1143 

And  by  the  other  end  puU'd  out. 

Soon  as  they  had  him  at  their  mercy, 
They  put  him  to  the  cudgel  fiercely. 
As  if  they  scorn'd  to  trade  and  barter,t 
By  giving,  or  by  taking  quarter :  1150 

They  stoutly  on  his  quarters  laid, 
Until  his  scouts  came  in  t'  his  aid  :§ 
For  when  a  man  is  past  his  sense. 
There's  no  way  to  reduce  him  thence. 
But  twinging  him  by  th'  ears  or  nose,  1155 

Or  laying  on  of  heavy  blows  : 

*  A  sort  of  divination  by  clefts  or  chinks  in  tlie  ground.  Poly- 
dore  Viruil  de  iiiventione  reruni,  supposes  it  to  have  been  invent- 
ed by  the  magi  ot  Persia. 

t  A  right  honorable  gentleman  of  high  character,*  now  living, 
assured  nie  that  this  circumstance  happened  to  one  of  his  rela- 
tions, Sir  Richard  (Dr.  Grey  calls  him  Sir  Erasmus)  Philips,  of 
Picton  castle,  in  Pembrokeshire.  The  Cavaliers,  commanded  by 
Colonel  Egerton,  attacked  this  place,  and  demanded  a  parley. 
Sir  Richard  consented  ;  and  being  a  little  man,  stepped  upon  a 
bench,  and  showed  himself  at  one  of  the  windows.  The  Colonel, 
who  was  high  in  stature,  sat  on  horseback  underneath  ;  and 
pretending  to  be  deaf,  desired  the  other  to  come  as  near  him  as 
he  could.  Sir  Richard  then  leaned  a  good  deal  from  the  win- 
dow ;  when  the  Colonel  seized  him  by  the  ears,  and  drew  him 
out.     Soon  after,  the  castle  surrendered. 

{  Pyrrhus  says  to  the  Romans,  from  Ennius,  in  Tally  s  OJB- 
ces : 

Nee  mi  auruni  posco,  nee  mi  pretium  dederitis ; 
Nee  cauponantes  helium,  sed  belligerantes, 
Ferro,  iion  auro  vitam  cernamus  utrique. 

(  L  e.  till  his  senses  returned. 

•  EarlofOrfonJ 


350  HIjDIBRAS.  [Part  III 

And  if  that  will  not  do  the  deed, 
To  burning  with  hot  irons  proceed. 

No  sooner  was  he  come  t'  h'unself 
But  on  his  neck  a  sturdy  elf  1160 

Clapp'd  in  a  trice  his  cloven  hoof, 
And  thus  attack'd  him  with  reproof. 

Mortal,  thou  art  betray'd  to  us 
B'  our  friend,  thy  evil  genius. 

Who  for  thy  horrid  perjuries,  ^163 

Thy  breach  of  faith,  and  turning  lies. 
The  brethren's  privilege,  against 
The  wicked,  on  themselves,  the  saints, 
Has  here  thy  wretched  carcass  sent. 
For  just  revenge  and  punishment ;  1170 

Which  thou  hast  now  no  way  to  lessen. 
But  by  an  open,  free  confession  :* 
For  if  we  catch  thee  failing  once, 
'Twill  fall  the  heavier  on  thy  bones. 

What  made  thee  venture  to  betray,  1175 

And  filch  the  lady's  heart  away. 
To  spirit  her  to  matrimony  ? — 

That  which  contracts  all  matches,  money. 
It  was  th'  enchantment  of  her  riches. 
That  made  m'  apply  t'  your  crony  witches  ;t        118U 
That  in  return  would  pay  th'  expence. 
The  wear  and  tear  of  conscience,^ 


*  This  scene  is  imitated,  bnt  with  much  less  wit  and  learn- 
ing, in  a  poem  called  Dunstable  Downs,  falsely  attributed  to  Mr 
Samuel  Butler.  Pee  the  third  volume  of  the  Remains.  In  that 
poem,  whoever  was  the  author,  the  allusion  to  the  high  coarl 
of  justice,  and  trial  of  Charles  the  First,  is  apposite.  See  Brad 
shaw  s  speech  to  the  king : 

This  court  is  independent  on 
All  forms,  and  methods,  but  its  own. 
And  will  not  be  directed  by 
The  persons  they  intend  to  tr^'. 
And  1  must  tell  you,  you're  mistaken, 
If  you  propose  to  save  your  bacon, 
By  pleading  to  your  jurisdiction,    ■ 
Which  will  addiit  of  no  restriction. 
Here's  no  appeal,  nor  no  demurrer. 
Nor  after  judgment  writ  of  error. 
If  you  persist  to  quirk  or  quibble, 
And  on  your  terms  of  law  to  nibble, 
The  court's  deterniin'd  to  proceed, 
Whether  you  do,  or  do  not  plead. 

T  Your  old  friends  and  companions 

X  The  knight  confesses  that  he  would  have  sacrificed  his  con- 
lelBnce  to  money.    In  reality,  he  had  gotten  rid  of  it  long  befoift 


Canto  i.]  HUDIBRAS.  35J 

Which  I  could  have  patch'd  up,  and  turu'd, 
For  th'  hundredth  part  of  what  I  earn'd. 

Didst  thou  not  love  her  then?     Speak  true.      1185 
No  more,  quoth  he,  than  I  love  you. — 

How  would'st  thou've  us'd  her,  and  her  money  ? 
First  tum'd  her  up  to  alimony,* 
And  laid  her  dowry  out  m  law, 

To  null  her  jointure  with  a  flaw,  1190 

Which  I  beforehand  had  agreed 
T'  have  put,  on  purpose,  in  the  deed. 
And  bar  her  widow's-making-over 
T'  a  friend  in  trust,  or  private  lover. 

What  made  thee  pick  and  chuse  her  out  1195 

T'  employ  their  sorceries  about  ? — 

That  which  makes  gamesters  play  with  those 
Who  have  least  wit,  and  most  to  lose. 

But  didst  thou  scourge  thy  vessel  thus. 
As  thou  hast  damn'd  thyself  to  us  ? —  1200 

I  see  you  take  me  for  an  ass : 
'Tis  true,  I  thought  the  trick  would  pass, 
Upon  a  woman,  well  enough. 
As  't  has  been  often  found  by  proof. 
Whose  humours  are  not  to  be  won  1205 

But  when  they  are  impos'd  upon ; 
For  love  approves  of  all  they  do 
That  stand  for  candidates,  and  woo. 

Why  didst  thou  forge  those  sliameful  lies 
Of  bears  and  witches  in  disguise  ? —  1210 

That  is  no  more  than  authors  give 
The  rabble  credit  to  believe  ; 
A  trick  of  following  the  leaders. 
To  entertain  their  gentle  readers  ; 
And  we  have  now  no  other  way  1215 

Of  passing  all  we  do  or  say  ; 
Which,  when  'tis  natural  and  true, 
Will  be  believ'd  b'  a  very  few, 
Beside  the  danger  of  offence. 
The  fatal  enemy  of  sense.  1220 

Why  dost  thou  chuse  that  cursed  sin. 
Hypocrisy,  to  set  up  in  ? — 

Because  it  is  the  thriving'st  calling, 
The  only  saints'  bell  that  rings  all  in  ;t 

•  To  provide  for  herself,  as  horses  do  when  they  are  turned  ta 
grass.  The  poet  might  possibly  design  a  jeu  de  mot.  Mlimony 
is  a  separate  maintenance  paid  by  the  husband  to  the  wife, 
where  she  is  not  convicted  of  adultery. 

t  The  small  bell,  which  rings  immediately  before  the  ministef 


352  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  ul 

In  which  all  churches  are  concern'd,  1225 

And  is  the  easiest  to  be  learn'd  : 

For  no  degrees,  unless  th'  employ  it, 

Can  ever  gain  much,  or  enjoy  it. 

A  gift  that  is  not  only  able 

To  domineer  among  the  rabble,  1230 

But  by  the  laws  empower'd  to  rout, 

And  awe  the  greatest  that  stand  out ; 

Which  few  hold  forth  against,  for  fear 

Their  hands  should  slip,  and  come  too  near  ; 

For  no  sin  else,  among  the  saints,  '  235 

Is  taught  so  tenderly  against. 

What  made  thee  break  thy  plighted  vows  ? — 
That  which  makes  others  break  a  house. 
And  hang,  and  scorn  ye  all,  before 
Endure  the  plague  of  being  poor*  1240 

Quoth  he,  I  see  you  have  more  tricks 
Than  all  your  doating  politics. 
That  are  grown  old  and  out  of  fashion, 
Compar'd  with  your  new  reformation;  • 

That  we  must  corne  to  school  to  you,  1245 

To  learn  your  more  refiu'd  and  new. 

Quotii  he,  If  you  will  give  me  leave 
To  tell  you  what  I  now  perceive. 
You'll  find  yourself  an  arrant  chouse 
If  y'  were  but  at  a  meeting-house.  1250 

'Tis  true,  quoth  he,  we  ne'er  come  there, 
Because  w'  have  let  'm  out  by  th'  year.t 

Truly,  quoth  be,  you  can't  imagine 
What  woud'rous  things  tiiey  will  engage  in  ; 
That^as  your  fellow  fiends  in  hell  1255 

Were  angels  all  before  they  fell. 
So  are  you  like  to  be  agen, 
Compar'd  with  th'  angels  of  us  men.t 


begins  the  church  service,  is  called  the  saints'  bell ;  and  when 
the  clerk  has  rung  this  bell,  he  says,  "he  has  rung  all  in." 

*  Scorn,  that  is,  defy  your  law  and  punishment. 

t  The  devils  are  here  looked  upon  as  landlords  of  the  meeting 
houses,  since  the  tenants  of  Iheni  were  known  to  be  so  diabolical, 
and  to  hold  them  b)  no  fjood  title  ;  but  as  it  was  uncertain  how 
long  these  lawless  times  would  last,  the  poet  makes  the  devil 
let  them  only  by  the  year:  now  when  any  thing  is  actually  let, 
we  landlords  never  come  there,  that  is,  have  excluded  ourselves 
from  all  right  to  the  premises. 

t  1  remember  an  old  attorney,  who  told  me,  a  little  before  his 
death,  that  he  had  been  reckoned  a  very  great  rascal,  and  be- 
lieved he  was  so,  for  he  had  done  many  roguish  and  infamous 
things  in  his  profession :  "  but,"  adds  he,  "  by  what  I  can  observe 
'of  the  rising  generation,  the  time  may  come,  and  you  may  live 


Canto  i.]  HUDIBRAS.  353 

Quoth  he,  I  am  resolv'd  to  be 
Thy  scholar  iii  this  mystery  ;  126G 

Aud  therefore  first  desire  to  know 
Some  principles  on  which  you  go. 

What  makes  a  knave  a  child  of  God,* 
And  one  of  us?t — A  livelihood. 

What  renders  beating  out  of  brains,  1265 

And  murder,  godliness? — Great  gains. 

What's  tender  conscience  ? — 'Tis  a  botch 
That  will  not  bear  the  gentlest  touch ; 
But,  breaking  out,  dispatches  more 
Than  th'  epidemical'st  plague-sore. t  1270 

What  makes  y'  encroach  upon  our  trade, 
And  damn  all  others? — To  be  paid. 

What's  orthodox  and  true  believing 
Against  a  conscience  ? — A  good  living.§ 

What  makes  rebelling  against  kings  1275 

A  good  old  cause? — Admiuist'rings.y 

What  makes  all  doctrines  plain  and  clear? — 
About  two  hundred  pounds  a  year. 

And  that  which  was  prov'd  true  before, 
Prov'd  false  again? — Two  hundred  more.  1280 

What  makes  the  breaking  of  all  oaths 
A  holy  duty? — Food  and  clothes. 

What  laws  and  freedom,  persecution? — 
B'ing  out  of  power,  and  contribution. 

What  makes  a  church  a  den  of  thieves? —        1285 


"to  see  it,  when  I  shall  be  accounted  a  very  honest  man,  In 
"comparison  with  those  attorneys  who  are  to  succeed  me." 

*  A  banter  on  the  pamplilets  in  those  days,  under  the  name 
and  form  of  catechisms:  Heylin's  Rebel's  Catechism,  Watson's 
Cavalier  Catechism,  Ram's  Soldier's  Catechism,  Parker's  Political 
Catechism,  &c.  &c. 

t  Both  Presbyterians  and  Independents  were  fond  of  saying 
one  of  us ;  that  is,  one  of  the  holy  brethren,  the  elect  number, 
the  godly  party. 

i  Alluding  to  the  plague,  of  which,  in  our  author's  time,  viz. 
in  1065,  died  G8,58G  persons,  within  the  bills  of  mortality. 

5  A  committee  was  appointed  November  1],  1646,  to  inquire 
into  the  value  of  all  church  livings,  in  order  to  plant  an  able 
ministry,  as  was  pretended  ;  but,  in  truth,  to  discover  the  best 
and  fattest  benefices,  that  the  champions  for  the  cause  might 
choose  for  themselves.  Whereof  some  had  three  or  four  apiece : 
a  lack  being  pretended  of  competent  pastors.  When  a  living 
was  S3iall,  the  church  doors  were  shut  up.  Dugdale's  Short 
View.  "I  could  name  an  assembly-man,"  says  Sir  William 
Dugdale,  '•  who  being  told  by  an  eminent  person,  that  a  certain 
"church  had  no  incumbent,  inquired  the  value  of  it;  and  re- 
"ceiving  for  answer  that  it  was  about  £50  a  year,  he  said,  'If  1 
"  '  be  no  better  worth,  no  godly  man  will  accept  it.'  " 

U  — Administerings.    See  P.  iii.  c.  ii.  v.  55. 


354  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  ift 

A  dean  and  chapter,  and  white  sleeves.* 

And  what  would  serve,  if  those  were  gone, 
To  make  it  orthodox  ? — Our  own. 

What  makes  morality  a  crime,t 
The  most  notorious  of  the  time  ;  1290 

Morality,  which  both  the  saints 
And  wicked  too  cry  out  against  ? — 

'Cause  grace  and  virtue  are  within 
Prohibited  degrees  of  kin  ; 

And  therefore  no  true  saint  allows  1295 

They  shall  be  sufFer'd  to  espouse : 
For  saints  can  need  no  conscience. 
That  with  morality  dispense  ; 
As  virtue's  impious,  when  'tis  rooted 
In  nature  only,  and  not  imputed :  1300 

But  wliy  the  wicked  should  do  so. 
We  neither  know,  nor  care  to  do.t 

What's  liberty  of  conscience, 
I'  til'  natural  and  genuine  sense  ? — 

'Tis  to  restore,  with  more  security,  1305 

Rebellion  to  its  ancient  purity  ; 
And  Christian  liberty  reduce 
To  th'  elder  practice  of  the  Jews  ; 
For  a  large  conscience  is  all  one. 
And  signifies  the  same  with  none.§  1310 

It  is  enough,  quoth  he,  for  once. 
And  has  repriev'd  thy  forfeit  bones  :     ' 
Nick  Machiavel  had  ne'er  a  trick, 
The'  he  gave  his  name  to  our  old  Nick,|l 

*  That  is,  a  bishop  who  wears  lawn  sleeves. 

t  Moral  goodness  was  deemed  a  mean  attainment,  and  much 
beneath  the  character  of  saints,  who  held  grace  and  inspiration 
to  be  all  meritorious,  and  virtue  to  have  no  merit;  nay,  some 
even  thousht  virtue  impious,  when  it  is  rooted  only  in  nature, 
and  not  imputed  ;  some  of  the  modern  sects  are  supposed  to  hold 
tenets  not  very  unlike  to  this. 

t  The  author  shows  his  abhorrence  of  vice,  in  whatever  party 
it  was  found,  by  satirizing  the  loose  principles  of  the  cavaliers. 

5  It  is  reported  of  Judge  Jefferys,  that  tal<ing  a  dislike  to  a 
witness  who  had  a  long  beard,  he  told  him  that,  "if  his  con- 
"  science  was  as  long  as  his  beard,  he  had  a  swinging  one :"  to 
which  the  countryman  replied,  "  My  lord,  if  you  measure  con- 
"  science  by  beards,  you  yourself  have  none  at  all." 

II  Machiavel  was  recorder  of  Florence  in  the  16th  centurj',  an 
eminent  historian,  and  consommate  politician.  In  a  note  on  the 
Merry  Wives  of  Windsor,  !»nd  in  Dr.  Grey's  edition  of  Hudibras, 
Mr  Warburton  has  altered  this  passage.    He  reads  the  last  line  '■ 

Though  he  gave  aim  to  our  old  Nick. 
But  as  all  the  editions  published  by  the  author  himself,  or  in  the 
mntbor's  lifetime,  have  the  word  name,  I  am  unwilling  to  change 


Canto  i.]  HUDIBRAS.  355 

But  was  below  the  least  of  these,  1315 

That  pass  i'  th'  world,  for  holiness. 

This  said,  the  furies  and  the  light 
In  th'  instant  vanish'd  out  of  sight. 
And  left  him  in  the  dark  alone, 
With  stinks  of  brimstone  and  his  own.  1328 

The  queen  of  night,  whose  large  command 
Rules  all  the  sea,  and  half  the  land,* 
And  over  moist  and  crazy  brains. 
In  higli  spring-tides,  at  midnight  reigus,t 
Was  now  declining  to  the  west,  1325 

To  go  to  bed  and  take  her  rest  ;1 
When  Hudibras,  whose  stubborn  blows 
Deny'd  his  bones  that  soft  repose, § 
Lay  still  expecting  worse  and  more, 
Stretch'd  out  at  length  upon  the  floor ;  )  <30 

And  tho'  he  shut  his  eyes  as  fast 
As  if  he  'ad  been  to  sleep  his  last. 
Saw  all  the  shapes  that  fear  or  wizards. 


it.  Mr.  Butler,  who  seems  well  versed  in  the  Saxon  and  north- 
ern etymoldgies,  could  not  be  ignorant  that  the  terms  nicka, 
nocca,  nicken,  and  from  thence  the  English,  old  nick,  were  used 
to  signify  the  devil,  long  before  the  lime  of  Machiavel.  A  ma- 
lignant spirit  is  named  old  nicka,  in  Sir  William  Temple's  Essay 
on  Poetry.  [JVecken,  daemon  aquaticus.  Dan.  nicken,  nocken. 
Germ.  n!c/irs.  Vi.H.  nocca.  li\.nikur.  Angl.  Jij'c/r.  Belg.  TiecAcr. 
Piitatur  in  fluviis  et  lacubus  residere,  et  natantes  per  pedes  ar- 
replos  ad  se  pertrahere. — Ihre  Gloss.  Suiogothicuni.]  When 
Machiavel  is  represented  as  such  a  proficient  in  wickedness, 
that  his  name  hath  become  no  unworthy  appellation  for  the 
devil  himself,  we  are  not  less  entertained  by  the  smartness  of 
the  sentiment,  than  we  should  be  if  it  were  firmly  supported 
by  the  truth  ol  history.  In  the  second  canto,  Empedocles  is 
said  to  have  been  acquainted  with  the  writings  of  Alexander 
Ross,  who  did  not  live  till  about  2000  years  after  him.  A  hu 
morous  kind  of  wit,  in  which  the  droll  genius  of  Butler  does  not 
scruple  to  indulge  itself. 

*  The  moon,  which  influences  the  tides  and  motions  of  the 
sea,  and  half  mankind,  who  are  lunatic,  more  or  less. 

Nunc  terram  potius  quam  mare  luna  regit. 

Owen.  Epig.  90. 

The  poem  had  now  occupied  two  days,  and  almost  two  nights 
t  Insane  persons  are  supposed  to  be  worst  at  the  change  and 

full  of  the  moon,  when  the  tides  are  highest. 
t  He  had  before  described  the  approach  of  day  by  the  rising 

of  the  sun:  he  now  employs  the  setting  of  the   moon  for  thai 

purpose. 

$         I.enibant  curas,  et  corda  oblita  laborum. 

At  non  infelix  animi  Phoenissa ;  neque  unquam 
Solvitur  in  somnos,  oculisve  aut  pectore  noctem 
Accipit:  ingeminant  curas  iEneid.  iv,  528 


356  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  m. 

Do  make  the  devil  wear  for  vizards,* 

And  pricking  up  his  ears,  to  hark  1335 

If  he  could  hear,  too,  in  the  dark, 

Was  first  invaded  with  a  groan. 

And  after,  in  a  feeble  tone, 

These  trembling  words :  Unhappy  wretch, 

What  hast  tliou  gotten  by  this  fetch,  1340 

Or  all  thy  tricks,  in  this  new  trade, 

Thy  holy  brotherhood  o'  th'  blade  ?t 

By  sauntring  still  on  some  adventure, 

And  growing  to  thy  horse  a  centaur? 

To  stuiFthy  skin  with  swelling  knobs  1345 

Of  cruel  and  hard-wooded  drubs  ? 

For  still  thou'st  had  the  worst  on't  yet, 

As  well  in  conquest  as  defeat : 

Night  is  the  sabbath  of  mankind. 

To  rest  the  body  and  the  mind,1:  1350 

Which  now  thou  art  deny'd  to  keep, 

And  cure  thy  labour'd  corpse  with  sleep. 

The  Knight,  who  heard  the  words,  explain'd 

*  It  may  be  amusing  to  compare  this  burlesque  with  the  seri- 
ous sublime  of  Milton.    Paradise  Lost,  ii.  6U5 : 

all  monstrous,  all  prodigious  things, 

Abominable,  unutterable,  and  worse 

Than  fables  yet  have  feign'd,  or  fear  conceiv'd, 

Gorgons  and  hydras,  and  chiinaeras  dire. 

t  This  religious  knight-errantry  :  this  search  after  trifling  of- 
fences, with  intent  to  punish  them  as  crying  sins.  Ralpho,  who 
now  supposed  himself  alone,  see  Part  iii.  canto  iii.  v.  89,  vents 
his  sorrows  in  this  soliloquy,  or  expostulation,  which  is  so  art- 
fully worded,  as  equally  to  suit  his  own  case,  and  the  knight's, 
and  to  censure  the  conduct  of  both.  Hence  the  latter  applies 
the  whole  as  meant  and  directed  to  himself,  and  coiimienis  upon 
it  accordingly  to  v.  1400,  after  which  the  squire  improves  on  his 
master's  mistake,  and  counterfeits  the  ghost  in  earnest.  Com- 
pare Part  iii.  c.  iii.  v.  151-158.  This  seems  to  have  been  But- 
ler's meaning,  though  not  readily  to  be  collected  from  his  words: 
his  readers  are  left  in  the  dark  almost  as  much  as  his  heroes. 
Bishop  Warburton  supposes  that  the  term  lioly  brutherhoud  al- 
ludes to  the  society  instituted  in  Spain,  called  La  Santa  Iler- 
mandad,  employed  in  detecting  and  apprehending  thieves  and 
robbers,  and  executing  other  parts  of  the  police.  See  them  fre- 
quently mentioned  in  Don  tiuixote,  Gil  Bias,  &c. 

%  Plutarch  thus  addresses  the  superstitious  person:  "Heaven 
"gave  us  sleep,  as  a  relief  and  respite  from  our  affliction.  Why 
■'  will  you  convert  this  gift  into  a  painful  instrument  of  torture  ; 
"and  a  durable  one  too.  since  there  is  no  other  sleep  for  youi 
••soul  to  flee  to.  Heraclitus  says,  that  to  men  who  are  awake 
"  there  is  a  common  world  ;  but  every  one  who  sleeps  is  in  a 
"world  of  his  own.  Yet  not  even  in  sleep  is  the  superstitious 
"man  released  from  his  troubles:  his  reason  indeed  slumbers, 
"  but  his  fears  are  ever  awake,  and  he  can  neither  escape  frotn 
"  Uiem  nor  dislodge  them."    De  Superstitione 


Canto  i.]  HUDIBRAS.  357 

As  meant  to  him  this  reprimand, 

Because  the  character  did  hit  1355 

Point-blank  upon  his  case  so  fit ; 

Believ'd  it  was  some  drolling  spright 

That  staid  upon  the  guard  that  night, 

And  one  of  those  he  'ad  seen,  and  felt 

The  drubs  he  had  so  freely  dealt ;  I36l 

When,  after  a  short  pause  and  groan. 

The  doleful  Spirit  thus  went  on  : 

This  'tis  t'  engage  with  dogs  and  bears 
Pellmell  together  by  the  ears, 

And  after  painful  bangs  and  knocks,  13C5 

To  lie  in  limbo  in  the  stocks. 
And  from  the  pinnacle  of  glory 
Fall  headlong  into  purgatory  ; 

Thought  he,  this  devil's  full  of  malice, 
That  on  my  late  disasters  rallies,  1370 

Condenin'd  to  whipping,  but  declin'd  it, 
By  being  more  heroic-minded  ; 
And  at  a  riding  handled  worse. 
With  treats  more  slovenly  and  coarse  ;* 
Engag'd  with  fiends  in  stubborn  wars,  1375 

And  hot  disputes  with  conjurers  ; 
And,  when  thou  'adst  bravely  won  the  day, 
Wast  fain  to  steal  thyself  away. 

I  see,  thought  he,  this  shameless  elf 
Would  fain  steal  me  too  from  myself,  1380 

That  impudently  dares  to  own 
What  I  have  suffer'd  for  and  done  ; 
And  now,  but  vent'ring  to  betray. 
Hast  met  with  vengeance  the  same  way. 

Thought  he,  how  does  the  devil  know  1335 

What  'twas  that  I  design'd  to  do  ? 
His  office  of  intelligence. 
His  oracles,  are  ceas'd  long  since  ; 
And  he  knows  nothing  of  the  saints. 
But  what  some  treach'rous  spy  acquaints.  1390 

This  is  some  pettifogging  fiend, 
Some  under  doorkeeper's  friend's  friend, 
That  undertakes  to  understand. 
And  juggles  at  the  second-hand, 
And  now  would  pass  for  spirit  Po,t  1395 

*  This  shows  the  meaning  of  the  riding  dispensation,  1.  124. 

t  Po,  or  Bo,  the  son  of  Odin,  was  a  fierce  Gothic  captain, 
whose  name  was  repeated  by  his  soldiers  to  surprise  or  frighten 
their  enemies.  See  Sir  William  Temple's  fourttx  essay.  [Mr. 
Todd  says,  the  northern  Captain  will  suffer  no  great  loss,  if  the 


358  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  in. 

And  all  men's  dark  concerns  foreknow. 

I  think  I  need  not  fear  him  for 't ; 

These  rallying  devils  do  no  hurt. 

With  that  he  rous'd  his  drooping  heart, 

And  hastily  cried  out,  What  art  ? —  1400 

A  wretch,  quoth  he,  whom  want  of  grace 
Has  brought  to  this  unhappy  place. 

I  do  believe  thee,  quoth  the  Knight ; 
Thus  far  I'm  sure  thou'rt  in  the  right ; 
And  know  what  'tis  that  troubles  thee,  1405 

Better  than  thou  hast  guess'd  of  me. 
Thou  art  some  paltry,  blackguard  spright, 
Condemn'd  to  drudg'ry  in  the  night ; 
Thou  hast  no  work  to  do  in  th'  house. 
Nor  halfpenny  to  drop  in  shoes  ;*  1410 

Without  the  raising  of  which  sum 
■    You  dare  not  be  so  troublesome 

To  pinch  the  slatterns  black  and  blue, 

For  leaving  you  their  work  to  do. 

This  is  your  bus'ness,  good  Pug-Robin,  1415 

And  your  diversion  dull  dry  bobbing,t 


etymology  be  transferred  from  his  redoubted  name  to  the  Dutch 
bauw,  a  spectre  ;  but  probably  Minsheu  gives  the  clue  to  this 
most  grave  etymology  when,  after  a  bug-ge,  a  bugbear,  he  sajrs 
Belgic,  Bietebauw,  Beetebauw,  a  bijten,  i.  mordere  et  bauw,  i. 
vox  tictitia  a  sono  quo  solent  infantes  territare.] 

*  Servant-maids  were  told,  if  they  left  the  house  clean  when 
they  went  to  bed,  they  would  find  money  in  their  shoes  ;  if  dirty, 
they  would  be  pinched  in  their  sleep.  Thus  the  old  ballad  of 
Robin  Goodfellow,  who  perhaps  was  the  sprite  meant  by  Pug 
Robin  : 

When  house  or  hearth  doth  sluttish  lie, 
I  pinch  the  maids  both  black  and  blue: 
And  from  the  bed,  the  bedcloths  I 
Pull  otf,  and  lay  them  nak'd  to  view. 
Again,  speaking  of  fairies : 

Such  sort  of  creatures  as  wonld  bast  ye 
A  kitchen  wench  for  being  nasty: 
But  if  she  neatly  scour  her  pewter. 
Give  her  the  money  that  is  due  to  her. 
Every  night  before  we  goe, 
We  drop  a  tester  in  her  shoe. 
See  also  Parnell  and  Shakspeare,  in  many  placess. 
t  Robin  Goodfellow,  in  the  creed  of  ancient  superstition,  was 
a  kind  of  merry  sprite,  whose  character  and  achievements  ar« 
frefjuently  recorded,  particularly  in  the  well-known  lines  of  Mil 
ton.    In  an  ancient  ballad,  entitled  Robin  Goodfellow: 
From  hag  bred  Merlin's  time  have  I 
Thus  nightly  revell'd  to  and  fro, 
And  for  my  pranks  men  call  me  by 
The  name  of  Robin  Goodfellow; 


Canto  i.]  HUDIBRAS.  350 

T'  entice  fanatics  in  the  dirt, 

And  wash  'em  clean  in  ditches  for't  ;* 

Of  whicli  conceit  you  are  so  proud, 

At  ev'ry  jest  you  laugh  aloud,  1420 

As  now  you  would  have  done  by  me, 

But  that  I  barr'd  your  raillery. 

Sir,  quoth  the  voice,  ye  're  no  such  sophyT 
As  you  would  have  the  world  judge  of  ye. 
If  you  design  to  weigh  our  talents  1425 

I'  th'  standard  of  your  own  false  balance. 
Or  think  it  possible  to  know 
Us  ghosts,  as  well  as  we  do  you. 
We  who  have  been  the  everlasting 
Companions  of  your  drubs  and  basting,  1430 

And  never  left  you  in  contest. 
With  male  or  female,  man  or  beast, 
But  prov'd  as  true  t'  ye,  and  entire. 
In  all  adventures,  as  your  Squire. 

Quoth  he.  That  may  be  said  as  true  14^ 

By  tb'  idlest  pug  of  all  your  crew  ; 
For  none  could  have  betray'd  us  worse  ; 
Than  those  allies  of  ours  and  yours.t 
But  I  have  sent  him  for  a  token 

To  your  low-country  Hogen-Mogen,  144C 

To  whose  infernal  shores  I  hope 
He'll  swing  like  skippers  in  a  rope  : 
And  if  ye've  been  more  just  to  me 
As  I  am  apt  to  thinks  than  he, 


Fiends,  ghosts,  and  sprightes. 

Who  haunt  the  nightes. 
The  hags  and  goblins  do  nie  know. 

And  beldames  old 

My  feates  have  told. 
So  vale,  vale,  ho,  ho,  ho. 

[Puck,  Pug-,  Pouke;  a  fiend.  Puke,  Diabolus.  Ihre  Gloss. 
Suiogothicum.] 

Bobbing,  that  is,  mocking,  jesting  with.  Dry  bobbing,  a  dry 
jest,  or  bob:  illusio,  dicterium. 

*  See  Hoffman's  Lexicon,  ill.  305.  Sub  voc.  Neptunus  (ex 
Gervas.  Tilleberiens.)  dasmonis  quoddam  genus,  Angli  Portunos 
nominant.  Portunus  nonunquani  invisus  equitanti  se  copulat,  et 
cum  diutius  comitatur,  eundem  tandem  loris  arreptis  equum  Ik 
lutum  ad  manum  ducit,  in  quo  dum  infi.iius  volutatur,  protinus 
exiens  cachinnum  facit,  et  sic  hujus  modi  ludibrio  humanam 
simplicitatem  deridet 

t  You  are  no  such  wise  person,  or  sophister,  from  the  Greek 

X  Meaning  the  Independents,  or  Ralpho,  whom  he  says  he 
had  sent  to  the  infernal  Hogen  Mogen,  high  and  mighty,  or  the 
devil,  supposing  he  would  be  hung. 


360  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  ui. 

I  am  afraid  it  is  as  truo  1445 
What  til'  ill-afFected  say  of  you  : 

Ye  've  'spous'd  the  covenant  and  cause, 
By  holding  up  your  cloven  paws.* 

Sir,  quoth  the  Voice,  'tis  true,  I  grant,+ 
We  made,  and  took  the  covenant :  1450 

But  that  no  more  concerns  the  cause. 
Than  other  perj'ries  do  the  laws, 
Wliich,  when  they've  prov'd  in  open  court, 
Wear  wooden  peccadillos  for't  :| 
And  that's  the  reason  cov'nanters  1455 

Hold  up  their  hands,  like  rogues  at  bars.§ 

I  see,  quoth  Hudibras,  from  whence 
These  scandals  of  the  saints  commence, 1| 
That  are  but  natural  eiFects 

Of  Satan's  malice,  and  his  sects',  1460 

Those  spider-saints,  that  hang  by  threads 
Spun  out  o'  th'  entrails  of  their  heads. 

Sir,  quoth  the  Voice,  that  may  as  truell^ 
And  properly  be  said  of  you, 

Whose  talents  may  compare  with  either,**  1465 

Or  both  the  other  put  together: 
For  all  the  independents  do, 

*  When  persons  took  the  covenant,  they  attested  their  obliga- 
tion to  observe  its  principles  by  lilting  up  their  hands  to  heaven  : 
the  covenant  here  means  the  solemn  league  and  covenant 
framed  by  the  Scots,  and  adopted  by  the  English,  ordered  to  be 
read  in  all  churches,  and  every  person  was  bound  to  give  his 
consent,  by  holding  up  his  hand  at  the  reading  of  it.  See  Clar 
endon's  History.  South,  in  his  fifth  volume  of  Sermons,  p.  74 
says :  "  Their  very  posture  of  taking  the  covenant  was  an  omin 
"  ous  mark  of  its  intent,  and  their  holding  up  their  hands  was  a 
"  sign  that  they  were  ready  to  strike."  See  line  485  of  this  can- 
to. The  solemn  league  and  covenant  has  by  many  been  com 
pared  to  the  holy  league  entered  into  by  a  large  parly  in  France, 
in  the  reigns  of  Charles  IX.,  Henry  III.,  and  Henry  IV.  Seo 
this  parallel  carried  on  by  Dugdale,  in  his  State  of  the  Troubles 
in  England,  p.  COO. 

t  Ralpho,  the  supposed  sprite,  allows  that  they,  the  devil  and 
the  Independents,  had  engaged  in  the  covenant;  but  he  insists 
that  the  violation  of  it  was  not  at  all  prejudicial  to  the  cause 
they  had  undertaken,  and  for  which  it  was  framed. 

+  A  peccadillo  was  a  stiff  piece  worn  round  the  neck  and 
shoulders,  to  pin  the  rufl'  or  band  to.  Ludicrously  it  means  the 
pillory. 

^  In  some  editions  we  read  held  up. 

II  The  scandalous  reflections  on  .he  saints,  such  as  your  charg- 
ing the  covenant  with  perjury,  and  making  the  covenanter  no 
better  than  a  rogue  at  the  bar. 

"f  Hudibras  having  been  hard  upon  Satan,  and  the  Independ- 
ents, the  voice  undertakes  the  defence  of  each,  but  first  of  the 
.ndependents. 

•*  That  is,  either  with  the  Independents  or  with  the  devil 


Canto  i.]  HUDIBRAS.  301 

Is  only  what  you  forc'd  them  to  ; 

Yon,  who  are  not  content  alone 

With  tricks  to  put  the  devil  down,  1470 

But  must  have  armies  rais'd  to  back 

The  gospel-work  you  undertake  ; 

As  if  artillery  and  edge-tools, 

Were  tli'  only  engines  to  save  souls : 

While  he,  poor  devil,  has  no  pow'r*  1475 

By  force,  to  run  down  and  devour  ; 

Has  ne'er  a  elassis,  cannot  sentence 

To  stools,  or  poundage  of  repentance  ;t 

Is  ty'd  up  only  to  design, 

T'  entice,  and  tempt,  and  undermine :  1480 

In  which  j'ou  all  his  arts  outdo. 

And  prove  yourselves  his  betters  too. 

Hence  'tis  possessions  do  less  evil 

.Than  mere  temptations  of  the  devil,t 

Which,  all  the  horrid'st  actions  done,  1485 

Are  charg'd  in  courts  of  law  upon  ;§ 

Because,  unless  they  help  the  elf,|| 

He  can  do  little  of  himself; 

And,  therefore,  where  he's  best  possest 

Acts,  most  against  his  interest ;  1490 

Surprises  none  but  those  who  've  priests 

To  turn  him  out,  and  exorcists, 

Supply'd  with  spiritual  provision. 

And  magazines  of  ammunition  ; 

With  crosses,  relics,  crucifixes,  •  1495 

Beads,  pictures,  rosaries,  and  pixes ; 

The  tools  of  working  our  salvation 

By  mere  mechanic  operation : 

With  holy  water,  like  a  sluice. 

To  overflow  all  avenues:  1500 

But  those  who're  utterly  unarm'd, 


*  He,  that  is,  the  Independent,  has  no  power,  having  no 
elassis,  or  spiritual  jurisdiction. 

t  The  poor  devil,  says  Ralpho,  cannot  thus  distress  us  by 
open  and  authorized  vexations. 

t  He  argues  that  men  who  are  influenced  by  the  devil,  and 
co-operate  with  him,  commit  greater  wickedness  than  he  is  alile 
t  J  perpetrate  by  his  own  agency.  We  seldom  hear,  therefore, 
of  his  taking  an  entire  possession.  The  persons  who  conipl.rui 
most  of  his  doing  so,  are  those  who  are  well  furnished  with  the 
means  of  exorcising  and  ejecting  him,  such  as  relics,  crucifixes, 
bead*,  piriures,  rosaries,  &c. 

^  Not  having  the  fear  of  God  before  their  eyes,  but  led  by  the 
Instigation  of  the  devil,  is  the  form  of  indictment  lor  felony,  mur- 
der, or  such  atrocious  crimes. 

il  la  some  editions  we  read  you  help. 
16 


362  HUDIBRAS  [Part  m, 

T'  oppose  his  entrance,  if  he  storm'd, 

Ho  never  offers  to  surprise, 

Altho'  his  falsest  enemies  ;* 

But  is  content  to  be  their  drudge,  1505 

And  on  their  errands  glad  to  trudge : 

For  where  are  all  your  forfeitures 

Intrusted  in  safe  hands,  but  ours? 

Who  are  but  jailors  of  tlie  holes 

And  dungeons  where  you  clap  up  souls  ;t  151 

Like  underkeepers,  turn  the  keys, 

T'  your  mittimus  anathemas. 

And  never  boggle  to  restore 

The  members  you  deliver  o'er 

Upon  demand,  with  fairer  justice,  1513 

Than  all  your  covenanting  trustees  ;t 

Unless,  to  punish  them  the  worse. 

You  put  them  in  the  secular  powers, 

And  pass  their  souls,  as  some  demise 

The  same  estate  in  mortgage  twice :  1520 

When  to  a  legal  ultlegation 

You  turn  your  excommunication, § 

And,  for  a  groat  unpaid  that's  due. 

Distrain  on  soul  and  body  too.|| 

Tliought  he,  'tis  no  mean  part  of  civil  1525 

State-prudence  to  cajole  the  devil, 
And  not  to  handle  him  too  rough. 
When  he  has  us  in  his  cloven  hoof. 

'Tis  true,  qiioth  he,  that  intercourse 
Has  pass'd  between  your  friends  and  ours,  1530 

That,  as  j'ou  trust  us,  in  our  way. 
To  raise  your  members,  and  to  lay,T 
We  send  you  others  of  our  own, 

*  The  enthusiasm  of  the  Independents  was  somethlDg  new  in 
its  Icind,  not  much  allied  to  superstition. 

t  Keep  those  in  hell  whom  you  are  pleased  to  send  thither  by 
excomnuinication,  your  mittimus,  or  anathema:  as  jailers  and 
turnkeys  confine  their  prisoners. 

t  More  honestly  than  the  Presbyterians  surrendered  the  es- 
tates which  they  held  in  trust  for  one  another;  these  trustees 
were  generally  covenanters.  See  Part  i.  c.  i.  v.  76,  and  P.  iii.  c. 
ii.  V  55. 

$  You  call  down  the  vengeance  of  the  civil  magistrate  upon 
them,  and  in  this  second  instance  pass  over,  that  is,  take  no  no- 
tice of  their  souls:  the  ecclesiastic;il  c«urts  can  excommunicate, 
and  then  they  apply  to  the  civil  court  for  an  outlawry.  Utlega- 
tion,  that  is,  outlawry. 

II  Seize  the  party  by  a  writ  de  excommunicato  capiendo. 

IT  Your  friends  and  oitrs,  that  is,  you  devils  and  us  fanatics: 
that  as  you  trast  us  in  our  way,  to  raise  you  devils  when  w« 
want  you,  and  to  lay  you  again  when  we  have  done  with  yon. 


Canto  i  ]  HUDIBRAS.  363 

Denounc'd  to  hang  themselves  or  drown,* 

Or,  frighted  with  our  oratory,  1535 

To  leap  down  headlong  many  a  story  ; 

Have  us'd  all  means  to  propagate 

Your  mighty  interests  of  state, 

Laid  out  our  sp'ritual  gifts  to  further 

Your  great  designs  of  rage  and  murtner  :  1540 

For  if  the  saints  are  nam'd  from  blcodt 

We  onl'  have  made  that  title  good  ;t 

And,  if  it  were  but  in  our  power, 

We  should  not  scruple  to  do  more, 

And  not  be  half  a  soul  behind  1545 

Of  all  dissenters  of  mankind. 

Right,  quoth  the  Voice,  and,  as  I  scorn 
To  be  ungrateful,  in  return 
Of  all  those  kind  good  offices, 

I'll  free  you  out  of  this  distress,  1550 

And  set  you  down  in  safety,  where 
It  is  no  time  to  tell  you  here. 
The  cock  crows,  and  the  morn  draws  on, 
When  'tis  decreed  I  must  be  gone  ; 
And  if  I  leave  you  here  till  day,  1555 

You'll  find  it  hard  to  get  away. 

With  that  the  Spirit  grop'd  about 
To  find  th'  enchanted  hero  out. 
And  try'd  with  haste  to  lift  him  up, 
But  found  his  forlorn  hope,  his  crup,§  1560 

Unserviceable  with  kicks,  and  blows, 
Receiv'd  from  harden'd-hearted  foes. 
He  thought  to  drag  him  by  the  heels, 
Like  Gresham-carts,  with  legs  for  wheels  ;|| 
But  fear,  that  soonest  cures  those  sores,  •     1565 

In  danger  of  relapse  to  worse. 


*  It  is  probable  that  the  Presbyterian  doctrine  of  reprobation 
had  driven  some  persons  to  suicide.  So  did  Alderman  Hoyle,  a 
member  of  the  house.    See  Birkenhead's  Paul's  Churchyard. 

t  Sanctus,  from  sanguis,  blood. 

t  i.  e.  we  fanatics  of  this  island  only  have  merited  that  title 
by  spilling  much  Hlood. 

$  His  back  is  called  his  forlorn  hope,  because  th,1t  was  pen- 
erally  exposed  to  danger,  to  save  the  rest  of  his  body:  a  reflec- 
tion on  his  courage. 

II  Mr.  Butler  dues  not  forget  the  Royal  Society.  March  4, 1C62, 
a  scheme  of  a  cart  with  legs  that  moved,  instead  of  wheels,  was 
brought  before  the  Royal  Society,  and  referred  to  the  considera- 
tion of  Mr.  Hooke.  The  inventor  was  Mr.  Potter.  Mr.  Hooke 
was  ordered  to  draw  up  a  full  description  of  this  cart,  which, 
together  with  the  animadversions  upon  it,  was  to  be  entered  in 
the  books  of  the  S*"  -iety. 


364  HUDIBRAS,  IPart  hi. 

Came  in  t'  assist  him  with  its  aid, 

And  up  his  sinking  vessel  weigh'd. 

No  sooner  was  he  fit  to  trudge, 

But  both  made  ready  to  dislodge  ;  1570 

The  Spirit  hors'd  him  like  a  sack, 

Upon  the  vehicle  his  back, 

And  bore  him  headlong  into  th'  hall. 

With  some  few  rubs  against  the  wall ; 

Where,  finding  out  the  postern  lock'd,  1575 

And  th'  avenues  so  strongly  block'd, 

H'  attack'd  the  window,  storm'd  the  glass, 

And  in  a  moment  gain'd  the  pass  ; 

Thro  which  he  dragg'd  the  worsted  soldier's 

Four-quarters  out  by  th'  head  and  shoulders,         1580 

And  cautiously  began  to  scout 

To  find  their  fellow-cattle  out: 

Nor  was  it  half  a  minute's  quest. 

Ere  he  retriev'd  the  champion's  beast, 

Ty'd  to  a  pale,  instead  of  rack,  1585 

But  ne'er  a  saddle  on  his  back, 

Nor  pistols  at  the  saddle  bow, 

Convey'd  away,  the  Lord  knows  how. 

He  thought  it  was  no  time  to  stay, 

And  let  the  night  too  steal  away  ;  1590 

But  in  a  trice,  advanc'd  the  Knight 

Upon  the  bare  ridge,  bolt  upright, 

And,  groping  out  for  Ralpho's  jade. 

He  found  the  saddle  too  was  stray'd, 

And  in  the  place  a  lump  of  soap,  1S9A 

On  which  he  speedily  leap'd  up : 

And,  turning  to  the  gate  the  rein, 

He  kick'd  and  cudgell'd  on  amain  ; 

While  Hudibras,  with  equal  haste, 

On  both  sides  laid  about  as  fast,  1600 

And  spurr'd  as  jockies  use,  to  break, 

Or  padders  to  secure  a  neck  :* 

Where  let  us  leave  'em  for  a  time, 

And  to  their  churches  turn  our  rhyme  ; 

To  hold  forth  their  declining  state,  lb04 

Which  now  come  near  an  even  rate.t 


*  Juckies  endanger  their  necks  by  spurring  their  horses,  and 
galloping  very  fast ;  hut  highwaymen,  or  padders,  so  called  from 
the  Saxon  paap,  highway,  endeavor  to  save  their  necks  by  the 
same  exertions. 

t  The  time  now  approached  when  the  Presbyterians  and  In- 
dependents were  to  fall  into  equal  disgrace,  and  resemble  the 
uoieful  condition  of  the  knight  and  squire. 


Canto  i.]  HUDIBRAS.  365 

The  two  last  conversations  have  much  unfolded  the  views  of 
the  confederate  sects,  and  prepnre  the  way  for  the  business  of 
the  subsequent  canto.  Their  differences  will  there  be  afiitated 
by  characters  of  higher  consequence :  and  their  mutual  re- 
proaches will  again  enable  the  poet  to  expose  the  knavery  and 
hypocrisy  of  each.  This  was  the  principal  intent  of  the  work. 
The  fable  was  considered  by  him  only  as  the  vehicle  of  his  sa 
tire.  And  perhaps  when  he  published  the  First  Part,  he  had  no 
more  determined  what  was  to  follow  in  the  second,  than  Tristam 
Shandy  had  on  a  like  occasion.  The  fable  itself,  the  bare  out- 
lines of  which  I  conceive  to  be  borrowed,  mutatis  mutandis, 
from  Cervantes,  seems  here  to  be  brought  to  a  period.  The  next 
canto  has  the  form  of  an  episode.  The  last  Consists  chiefly  of 
two  dialogues  and  two  letters.  Neither  knight  nor  sqoire  hav« 
any  further  adventures. 


PART  III,     CANTO  H. 


THE  ARGUMENT. 

The  Saints  engage  in  fierce  contest* 
About  their  carnal  interests, 
To  share  their  sacrilegious  preys 
According  to  their  rates  of  grace  : 
Their  various  frenzies  to  reform, 
When  Cromwell  left  them  in  a  storm  j 
Till,  in  th'  effige  of  Rumps,  the  rabble 
Burn  all  their  grandees  of  the  cabal. 


HUDIBRAS. 


CANTO  II.* 

The  learned  write,  an  insect  breese 
Is  but  a  mongrel  prince  of  bees,t 
That  falls  before  a  storm  on  cows, 
Aud  stings  the  founders  of  his  house ; 

*  The  different  complexion  of  this  canto  from  the  others,  and 
its  unconnected  state,  may  be  accounted  for  by  supposing  it 
written  on  the  spur  of  the  occasion,  and  with  a  politic  view  to 
recommend  the  author  to  his  friends  at  court,  by  a  new  and 
fierce  attack  on  the  opposite  faction,  at  a  time  when  the  real  or 
pretended  patriots  were  daily  gaining  ground,  and  the  secret 
views  of  Charles  II.  wei-e  more  and  more  suspected  and  dread- 
ed. A  short  time  before  the  third  part  of  this  poem  was  pub- 
lished, Shaftesbury  had  ceased  to  be  a  minister,  and  became  a 
furious  demagogue.  But  the  canto  describes  the  spirit  of  parties 
not  long  before  the  Restoration.  One  object  of  satire  here  is  to 
refute  and  ridicule  the  plea  of  the  Presbyterians  after  the  Ref- 
ormation, of  having  been  the  principal  instruments  in  bringing 
back  the  king.  Of  this  they  made  a  great  merit  in  the  reign  of 
Charles  II.,  and  therefore  Butler  examines  it  v.  782,  et  seq. — v. 
1023,  et  seq.— V.  1185-1189,  et.  seq. 

The  discourses  and  disputations  in  this,  and  the  following 
canto,  are  long,  and  fatigue  the  attention  of  many  readers.  If  it 
had  not  been  taking  too  great  a  liberty  with  an  author  who  pub- 
lished his  own  works,  I  should  certainly  have  placed  this  canto 
last,  as  it  is  totally  unconnected  with  the  story  of  the  poem,  and 
relates  to  a  long  time  after  the  actions  of  the  other  cantos. 

t  What  tlie  learned,  namely,  Varro,  Virgil,  &c.,  write  concern- 
ing bees  being  produced  from  the  putrid  bodies  of  cattle,  is  here 
applied  by  our  author  to  the  breese,  or  gad-bee,  which  is  said 
by  the  learned  Pliny,  in  his  Natural  History,  xi.  16,  to  be  apis 
grandior  quae  ca!teras  fugat :  hence  it  may  fairly  be  styled  a 
prince  of  bees,  yet,  but  a  mongrel  prince,  because  not  strictly  and 
properly  a  bee.  Varro  in  Gesner's  edition  de  Re  Rustica,  iii.  16, 
says,  primum  apes  nascunturpartim  ex  apibus,  partim  ex  bubulo 
corpore  putrefacto.  Itaque  Archelaus  in  Epigrammate,  ait,  eas 
esse  fiobi  (pQinivrj;  -KtvoTfjutva  riKva.  Idem  'Ltt-kijiv  /jiiv  a(prjKei 
yivca,  [i6ax<^v  if  fieXKraat.  The  last  line,  with  some  variation, 
is  in  the  Theriaca  of  Nicander.  Columella  ix.  14,  says,  the  no- 
tion of  generating  bees  from  a  heifer  is  as  old  as  Democritus,  and 
continued  by  Mago.  Both  Philetas  and  Callimachus  called  bees 
Bovycveis.  See  He.sych.  Virgil,  in  his  fourth  Georgic,  I.  281, 
«ays: 


368  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  m 

From  whose  corrupted  flesh  that  breed  * 

Of  vermin  did  at  first  proceed.* 

So,  ere  the  storm  of  war  broke  out, 

Religion  spawn'd  a  various  routt 

Of  petulant  capricious  sects, 

Tlie  maggots  of  corrupted  texts,t  10 

That  first  run  all  religion  down, 

And  after  ev'ry  swarm  its  own  : 

For  as  the  Persian  Magi  once 

Upon  their  mothers  got  their  sons, 


Sed  si  quern  proles  subito  defecerit  omnis. 
Nee,  genus  unde  novce  stirpis  revocetur,  habcbit; 
Teinpus  et  Arcadii  inenxiranda  invent^  inagistri 
Pandere,  quoque  iiiiido  cssis  jam  siepe  juvencis 
Insincerus  apes  tulerit  cruur. 

For  the  effect  the  Oestron  has  on  cattle,  see  Virg.  Georg.  iii 
146,  et  seq.  "On  the  backs  of  cows,"  says  Mr.  Derhaiis,  "in  the 
"sUMinier  months,  there  are  inaKgots  generated,  which  in  Essex 
"  we  call  weovils;  which  are  first  only  small  knots  in  the  skin, 
"and,  I  suppose,  no  other  than  eggs  laid  there  by  some  insect. 
"By  degrees  these  knots  grow  bigger,  and  contain  in  them  a 
"maggot,  which  iriay  be  squeezed  out  at  a  hole  they  have  al- 
"  ways  open."  Mr.  Derham  could  never  discover  what  animal 
they  turn  to.  I  doubt  not  but  it  is  to  this  gad-fly  or  breese  ; 
and  that  their  stinging  the  cows  is  not  only  to  suck  their  blond, 
but  to  perforate  the  skin  for  the  sake  of  laying  their,  eggs  with- 
in it. 

*  They  may  proceed  from  the  flesh  of  cows  in  the  manner 
above  mentioned,  that  is,  as  from  the  place  in  which  they  are 
bred,  but  not  from  the  matter  out  of  which  they  are  generated. 
The  note  on  this  passage,  in  the  old  edition,  together  with  many 
others,  convince  me  that  the  annotations  on  the  third  part  of 
Hudiliras  could  not  be  written  by  Butler. 

t  No  less  than  18U  errors  and  heresies  were  propagated  in  the 
city  of  London,  as  Mr.  Case  told  the  parliament  in  his  thatiks- 
giving  sermon  for  the  taking  of  Chester. 

X  'i'he  Independents  were  charged  with  altering  a  te.xt  of 
Scripture,  (Arts  vi.  3,)  in  order  to  authorize  them  to  appoint 
their  own  ministers.  "Therefore,  brethren,  look  ye  out  among 
"you  seven  men  of  honest  repmrt,  full  of  the  Holy  Ghost  and 
"  wisdom,  whom  we  may  appoint  over  this  business."  Mr.  Field 
is  said  to  have  printed  ?/e  instead  of  we  in  several  editions,  and 
particularly  in  his  beautiful  folio  edition  of  lti59,  and  the  octavo 
of  lOGl.  Dr.  Grey  says,  he  had  heard  that  the  first  printer  of 
this  forgery  received  Jei500  for  it  This  mistake  the  Doctor  was 
l?d  into  by  Dr.  VV'otton,  but  he  very  handsomely  corrects  it  in 
his  Supplement.  The  erratum  of  the  press,  for  such  it  seems  to 
have  been,  being  a  mistake  only  of  a  single  letter,  was  observed 
first  In  that  printed  at  Cambridge  by  Buck  and  Daniel.  1638,  folio, 
so  that  it  is  falsely  said  by  several  writers,  that  this  forgery  crept 
into  the  text  in  the  time  of  the  usurpation,  and  during  the  reign 
of  Independency.  See  Lewis's  History  of  the  English  Transla- 
tions of  the  Bible,  p.  340,  and  .T.  Berriman's  Critical  Dissertation 
on  1  Tim.  iii.  16.  p.  52.  But  corrupted -exts  .illude  rather  to  falsa 
Interpretations  than  to  false  readinf 


Canto  ii.]  HUDIBRAS.  369 

That  were  incapable  t'  enjoy  15 

That  empire  any  other  way  ;* 

So  presbyter  begot  the  othert 

Upon  the  good  old  cause,  his  mother 

Tliat  bore  them  hke  the  devil's  dam,} 

Whose  son  and  husband  are  the  same  ;  SO 

And  yet  no  nat'ral  tie  of  blood. 

Nor  int'rest  for  the  common  good. 

Could,  when  their  profits  interfer'd, 

Get  quarter  for  each  other's  beard  :§ 

For  when  they  thriv'd  they  never  fadg'd,||  25 

*  "  It  was  from  this  time,  viz.  about  521  years  before  Christ, 
"  that  they  first  had  the  name  of  Magians,  which  signifying  the 
"  crop-eared,  it  was  then  given  unto  iheni  by  way  of  nickname 
"  and  contempt,  because  of  the  impostor  (Smerdis)  who  was  then 
"cropped  :  for  Mige-Gush  signified,  In  the  language  of  the  country 
"  then  in  use.  one  that  had  his  ears  cropped."  Prideanx'  Con 
nection.  From  hence,  perhaps,  might  come  the  proverb,  "  Who 
"  made  you  a  conjurer  and  did  not  crop  your  ears."  Catullus 
says : 

Nam  magus  ex  matre  et  gnato  gignatur  oportet. 

Si  vera  est  Persarum  irapia  relligio.  Ixxxvii.  3. 

Ovid  says : 

Gentes  esse  feruntur 
In  quibus  et  nato  genitrix.  et  nata  parent! 
Jungitur,  et  pietas  geminato  crescit  aniore. 

Met.  X.  332. 

nipeai  S(,  Kai  iid\i^a  aiiTCiv  ol  ao(piav  aaKtlv  doKovvrti  oi 
udyoi,  yoftoCfft  ras  firiTipai. 

Sext.  Emp.    Pirrhon.  Hypotypos.  lib.  iii.  c.  34. 

The  poet  cannot  mean  the  Persian  empire,  which  was  only  in 
the  hands  of  the  Magi  for  a  few  months  ;  but  he  must  intend  the 
office  of  Archimagus,  or  the  presidency  of  the  Magi,  which  he 
was  best  entitled  to  who  was  in  this  manner  begotten.  Zoroas- 
ter, the  first  institutor  of  the  sect,  allowed  of  incesinnns  mar- 
riages: he  maintained  the  doctrine  of  a  good  and  bad  principle; 
the  former  was  worshipped  under  the  emblem  of  fire,  which 
they  kept  constantly  burning. 

t  The  Presbyterians  first  broke  down  the  pale  of  order  and  dis- 
cipline, and  so  made  way  for  the  Ludependenls  and  every  other 
»ect 

t  This  is  not  the  first  time  we  have  heard  of  the  devil's  mo-" 
ther.  In  Wolfii  Memorabilia,  is  a  quotation  from  Erasmus. 
"  Si  tu  es  diabolus,  ego  sum  mater  illius."  And  in  the  Agamem- 
non of  .^Ischylus,  Cassandra,  after  loading  Clyten)nesira  with 
every  opprobrious  name  she  can  think  of,  calls  her  qSov  liTtripa, 
The  translator  of  Hudibras  into  French,  remarks  in  a.  note,  that 
this  passage  alludes  to  some  lines  in  the  second  book  of  Milton's 
Paradise  Lost,  in  the  description  of  Sin  and  Death. 

^  When  the  Presbyterians  prevailed,  Calamy,  being  asked 
what  he  would  do  with  the  Anabaptists,  Antinomiuns,  and 
others,  replied,  that  he  would  not  meddle  with  their  consciences, 
but  only  with  their  bodies  and  estates. 

11  That  is,  never  agreed  ;    from  the  Teutonic,  fugen.    Se« 
Skinner.    The  same  word  is  used  v.  256. 
16» 


570  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  m. 

But  only  by  tlie  ears  engag'd  ; 

Like  dogs  that  snarl  about  a  bone, 

And  play  together  when  they've  nono  ; 

As  by  their  truest  characters, 

Their  constant  actions,  plainly  appears.  30 

Rebellion  now  began,  for  lack 

Of  zeal  and  plunder,  to  grow  slack  ; 

The  cause  and  covenant  to  lessen, 

And  providence  to  b'  out  of  season  : 

For  now  there  Vv'as  no  more  to  purchase  35 

O  th'  king's  revenue,  and  the  churches. 

But  all  divided,  shar'd,  and  gone. 

That  us'd  to  urge  the  brethren  on  ; 

Which  forc'd  the  stubborn'st  for  the  cause 

To  cross  the  cudgels  to  the  laws,*  40 

That  what  by  breaking  them  they'ad  gain'd 

By  their  support  might  be  mamtain'd  ; 

Like  thieves,  that  in  a  hemp-plot  lie, 

Secur'd  against  the  hue-and-cry.t 

For  presbyter  and  independent  45 

Were  now  turn'd  plaintiff  and  defendant, 

Laid  out  their  apostolic  functions 

On  carnal  orders  and  injunctions ; 

And  all  their  precious  gifts  and  graces 

On  outlawries  and  scire  facias  ;  50 

At  Michael's  term  had  many  a  trial, 

Worse  than  the  dragon  and  St.  Michael, 

Where  thousands  fell,  in  shape  of  fees, 

Into  the  bottomless  abyss. 

For  when,  like  brethren,  and  like  friends,  55 

They  came  to  share  their  dividends,^ 

And  ev'ry  partner  to  possess 

His  church  and  state  joint-purchases, 

In  which  the  ablest  saint,  and  best. 


*  Cudgels  across  one  another  denote  a  challenge :  to  cross  tha 
indgels  to  the  laws,  is  to  offer  to  fight  in  defence  of  them. 

t  It  may  mean  a  plat  of  growing  hemp,  which  being  a  thick 
cover,  a  rogue  may  lie  concealed  therein,  secure  from  all  dis- 
covery of  hue-and-cry :  "Thus,"s:iys  Butler  in  his  Remains, 
vol.  ii.  p.  384,  "  he  shelters  himself  under  the  cover  of  the  law, 
"  like  a  thief  In  a  hemp-plat,  and  makes  that  secure  him  which 
"  was  intended  for  his  destruction." 

J  About  the  year  1649,  when  the  estates  of  the  Kins  and 
Church  were  sold,  great  arrears  were  due  to  the  army:  for  the 
discharge  of  which  some  of  the  lands  were  allotted,  and  whole 
regiments  joined  together  In  the  manner  of  a  corporation.  The 
distribution  afterwards  was  productive  of  many  lawsuits,  the 
person  whose  name  was  put  in  trust  often  claiining  the  whole^ 
or  a  larger  share  than  he  was  entitled  to. 


Canto  ii.]  HUDIBRAS.  371 

Was  nam'd  in  trust  by  all  the  rest  eo 

To  pay  their  money,  and  instead 

Of  ev'ry  brother,  pass  the  deed  ; 

He  strait  converted  all  his  gifts 

To  pious  frauds  and  holy  shifts, 

And  settled  all  the  other  shares*  65 

Upon  his  outward  man  and  's  heirs ; 

Held  all  they  claim'd  as  forfeit  lands 

Deliver'd  up  into  his  hands, 

And  pass'd  upon  his  conscience 

By  pre-entail  of  Providence  ;  70 

Impeach'd  the  rest  for  reprobates. 

That  had  no  titles  to  estates, 

But  by  their  spiritual  attaints 

Degraded  from  the  riglit  of  saints 

This  b'ing  reveal'd,  they  now  begun  7S 

With  law  and  conscience  to  fall  on, 

And  laid  about  as  hot  and  brain-sick 

As  th'  utter  barrister  of  Swanswick  :t 

Engag'd  with  money  bags,  as  bold 

As  men  with  sand-bags  did  of  old,}  80 


*  Perhaps  a  better  reading  would  be,  as  in  some  editions, 
others'  shares. 

t  William  Prynne,  before  mentioned,  born  at  Swanswick,  in 
Somersetshire,  and  barrister  of  Lincoln's  Inn.  The  poet  calls 
him  hot  and  brainsicls,  because  he  was  a  restless  and  turbulent 
man.  Whitelock  calls  him  the  busy  Mr.  Prynne,  which  title 
he  gives  him  on  occasion  of  liis  joining  witli  one  Walker  in 
prosecuting  Colonel  Fiennes  for  the  surrender  of  Bristol.  Walk- 
er had  been  present  at  the  siege,  and  had  lost  a  good  fortune 
by  the  surrender:  but  Prynne  (he  tells  us)  was  no  otherwise 
concerned  than  out  of  the  pragmatical  ness  of  his  temper. 
There  was  an  especial  reason  for  his  being  called  the  utter  bar- 
rister, for  when  he  was  censured  by  the  court  of  Star-chamber, 
he  was  ordered  (besides  other  punishments)  to  be  discarded; 
and  afterwards  he  was  voted  again  by  tlie  house  of  commons  to 
be  restored  to  his  place,  and  practice  as  an  utter  barrislet ;  a 
term  which  signifies  a  pleader  within  the  bar,  but  who  is  not 
king's  counsel  jr  sergeant. 

t  Bishop  Warburton  says :  "  When  the  combat  was  demand- 
"  ed  in  a  legal  way  by  knights  and  gentlemen,  it  was  fought 
"  with  swore*  and  lance  :  and  when  by  yeomen,  with  sand-bags 
"fastened  to  the  end  of  a  truncheon:"  see  Shakspeare,  the 
second  part  of  Henry  the  VI.  "Pugiles  sacculis  non  veritate 
"  pugilantes,"  made  a  part  of  the  procession,  when  Gallienus 
celebrated  the  decennaliaof  his  accession  to  the  empire.  (Treb. 
Pollio  in  Gallien.  p.  178,  ed.  Paris,  1620.)  Casaubon's  note  is, 
"Qui  incruento  pugilatu  volebant  dimicare,  saccis  non  coestibus 
"  manus  muniebant.  Aiunt  autem  hi  sacci  vel  tomento  facti, 
''vel  alia  re  pleni,   quiB  gravem  ictum  non  redderent:    puta, 

ficoriim  granis,  vel  farina,  vel  furfuribus:  interdum  et  arena 
"  saccules  implebant."  Chrysostomus  homilia  20  in  Epistol.  ad 
Ilebricos,  oi/c  bp$s  roij  dQX^ra;  TriSf  SuXaKouf  afiiiov  irX^vavres 


372  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  in 

That  brought  the  lawyers  .n  more  fees 

Than  all  uiisanctify'd  trustees  ;* 

Till  he  who  had  no  more  to  s'low 

I'  th'  case,  received  the  overthrow  ; 

Or,  both  sides  having  had  the  worst,  iS3 

They  parted  as  they  met  at  first. 

Poor  presbyter  was  now  reduc'd. 

Secluded,  and  cashier'd,  and  chous'd  !t 

Turn'd  out,  and  excommunicate 

From  all  affairs  of  church  and  state,  90 

Reform'd  t'  a  reformado  saint,t 

And  glad  to  turn  itinerant, 

To  stroll  and  teach  from  town  to  town, 

And  those  he  had  taught  up,  teach  dov/n,^ 

And  make  those  uses  serve  agen||  05 

Against  the  new-cnlighten'd  men,^ 

As  fit  as  when  at  fiist  they  were 

Reveal'd  against  the  cavalier  ; 

Damn  anabaptist  and  fanatic. 

As  pat  as  popish  and  prelatic  ;;  100 

And  with  as  little  variation, 

To  serve  for  any  sect  i'  th'  nation, 

The  good  old  cause,  which  some  believe 


ouro)  yviivd^ovTai.  See  the  same  tho\iglit  repe.ited  in  Butler's 
Genuine  Keiimins,  vol.  i.  pp.  83  and  379,  and  vol.  ii.  316.  Sand- 
bH^s  in  niMre  ninilern  history  were  really  ilangernus  weapons; 
they  became  instruments  of  the  e.xecniioner.  Cast  une  inven- 
tion des  Italiens  pour  tuer  un  homnie  sans  repandre  de  sang,  de 
le  frapper  ruilenienl  sur  le  dos  avec  des  sachets  reiiiplis  de 
sable.  Les  meurtrissiires  en  sont  incurables:  la  gangrene  s'y 
met;  et  la  mort  acheve  le  meiirire.  The  Spaniards  are  said  to 
have  employed  this  mode  of  revenge  to  destroy  Boccalini. 
(Melances  par  Vigneul  Marville,  vol.  i.  p.  11.) 

*  The  lawyers  got  more  fees  from  the  Presbyterians,  or 
saints,  who  in  general  were  trustees  for  the  sequestered  lands, 
than  from  all  other  trustees,  who  were  unsauctified.  See  v. 
59.  60. 

t  When  Oliver  Cromwell,  with  the  army  and  the  Indepen- 
dents, had  gotten  the  upper  hand,  they  deprived  the  Presby- 
terians of  all  power  and  authority;  and  before  the  king  was 
brought  to  his  trial,  the  Presbyierian  members  were  e.vcluded 
from  the  house. 

I  That  is,  to  a  volunteer  without  office,  pay.  or  commission. 

§  Poor  presbyter,  or  the  Presbyterians  were  glad  to  teach 
down  the  Independents,  whom  as  brethren  and  friends  (v.  .5.5) 
they  had  indiscriminately  taught  up;  the  unhinging  doctrines 
of  the  Presbyterians  having,  in  the  long-run,  hoisted  up  the  In- 
dependents in  direct  opposition  to  themselves. 

II  The  sermons  of  those  times  were  divided  into  doctrine  and 
use  :  and  in  the  margin  of  them  is  often  printed  use  the  first,  u<« 
tlie  second,  &c. 

V  That  is,  against  the  Independents. 


Canto  u.]  HUDIBRAS.  373 

To  be  the  dev'l  that  tempted  Eve 

"With  knowledge,  and  does  still  invite  105 

The  vt'orld  to  mischief  with  new  hght, 

Had  store  of  money  in  her  purse, 

When  he  took  iier  for  better  or  worse, 

But  now  was  grown  deform'd  and  poor, 

And  fit  to  be  turn'd  out  of  door.  110 

The  independents,  whose  first  station 
Was  in  the  rear  of  reformation, 
A  mongrel  kind  of  church-dragoons,* 
That  serv'd  for  horse  and  foot  at  once, 
And  in  the  saddle  of  one  steed  113 

The  Saracen  and  Christian  rid  ;t 
Were  free  of  ev'ry  spiritual  order. 
To  preach,  and  fight,  and  pray,  and  murder,t 
No  sooner  got  the  start,  to  lurch, § 
Both  discipUnes  of  war  and  church,  120 

And  providence  enough  to  run 
The  cliief  commanders  of  them  down, 
But  carry'd  on  the  war  against 
The  common  enemy  o'  th'  saints. 
And  in  a  while  prevail'd  so  far,  135 

To  win  of  them  the  game  of  war, 
And  be  atHiberty  once  more 
T'  attack  themselves  as  they'ad  before. 

•  Many  of  ihe  Independent  officers,  such  as  Cromwell,  Ireton, 
Harrison,  &c.,  used  to  pray  and  preach  publicly,  and  many 
hours  together.  The  sermon  printed  under  the  name  of  Oliver 
Cromwell  is  well  known  to  be  a  forgery.  See  Granger,  Art. 
Oliver  Cromwell. 

t  Mr.  Walker,  in  his  History  of  Independency,  says,  "The 
Independents  were  a  composition  of  Jew,  Christian,  and  Turk.'' 

i  To  preach,,  has  a  reference  to  the  Dominicans  ;  to  jt^ht, 
to  tie  knights  of  Malta ;  to  pray,  to  the  fathers  of  the  Ora- 
tory; to  murther,  to  the  Jesuits:  of  the  latter,  Oldham,  Sat.  i., 
speaks  as 

In  each  profounder  art  of  killing  hred: 
and  in  Sat.  iii.,  • 

Slight  of  murder  of  the  subtlest  shape. 

But  the  Independents  assumed  to  themselves  the  privilege  of 
every  order:  they  preached,  they  fought,  they  prayed,  they 
muidered.  Sir  Roger  L' Estrange  says,  in  the  reflection  on  one 
of  his  fables,  thai  the  Independents  did  not  take  one  step  in  the 
whole  track  of  their  iniquity,  without  seeking  the  J^ord  first, 
and  gfiing  up  to  inquire  of  the  Lord  first,  according  to  the  cant 
of  those  days.  For  further  account  of  the  Independents,  sea 
Walker's  History:  the  first  part  of  which  was  published  1648, 
the  second  in  1649,  and  the  third  written  in  the  Tower,  where 
he  was  sent  by  Cromwell  for  writing  it,  1651. 

$  That  is,  to  swallow  up,  to  obtain  fraudulently  See  Skinnef 
«nd  Junius. 


374  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  in 

For  now  there  was  no  foe  in  arms 
T'  unite  their  factions  with  alarms,  130 

But  all  reduc'd  and  overcome, 
Except  their  worst,  themselves  at  home, 
Who'ad  compass'd  all  th'  pray'd,  and  swore 
And  fought,  and  preach'd,  and  plunder'd  for, 
Subdu'd  the  nation,  church,  and  state,  133 

And  all  things  but  their  laws  and  hate  ;* 
But  when  they  came  to  treat  and  transact, 
And  share  the  spoil  of  all  they'ad  ransackt. 
To  botch  up  what  they'ad  torn  and  rent. 
Religion  and  the  government,  lid 

They  meet  no  sooner,  but  prepar'd. 
To  pull  down  all  the  war  had  spar'd  ; 
Agreed  in  nothing,  but  t'  abolish, 
Subvert,  extirpate,  and  demolish  : 
For  knaves  and  fools  b'ing  near  of  kin,  145 

As  Dutch  boors  are  t'  a  sooterkin,t 
Both  parties  join'd  to  do  their  best 
To  damn  flie  public  interest. 
And  herded  only  in  consults,! 

To  put  by  one  another's  bolts  ;  150 

T'  outcant  the  Babylonian  labourers,      ^ 
At  all  their  dialects  of  jabberers, 
And  tug  at  both  ends  of  the  saw. 
To  tear  down  government  and  law. 
For  as  two  cheats,  that  play  one  game,  155 

Are  both  defeated  of  their  aim  ;§ 
So  those  who  play  a  game  of  state, || 
And  only  cavil  in  debate, 
Altho'  there's  nothing  lost  nor  won. 
The  public  bus'ness  is  undone,  16C 


•  That  is,  the  laws  of  the  land,  and  hatred  of  the  people. 

t  A  reflection  upon  the  Dutch  women,  for  their  use  of  hand- 
stoves,  which  they  frequently  put  under  their  petticoats,  and 
from  whence  they  are  said  to  produce  sooterkins  with  their  chil- 
dren. Mr.  James  Howcl,  in  his  letters,  calls  it  a  Zucchie,  and 
says,  "  it  is  likest  a  bat  of  any  creature."  But  Cleveland,  p.  103, 
says,  "  not  unlike  to  a  rat." 

i  That  is,  both  parties  were  intimately  united  together. 

§  For  as  when  two  cheats,  equally  masters  of  the  very  same 
tricks,  are  both  by  that  circumstance  defeated  of  their  aim.  name- 
ly, to  impose  upon  each  other,  so  those  well-matched  tricksters, 
who  play  with  state  affiiirs,  and  by  only  cavilling  at  one  another's 
schemes,  are  ever  counteracting  each  other. 

II  This  and  the  five  following  lines  are  truly  descriptive  of 
modern  politicians,  who  use  many  words  and  little  matter ;  whose 
excellence  is  rated  by  the  number  of  hours  they  continue  speak 
Ing,  and  cavilling  in  debate. 


CUmto  II.]  HUDIBRAS.  375 

Which  still  the  longer  'tis  in  doing, 
Becomes  the  surer  way  to  ruin. 

This  when  the  royalists  perceiv'd,* 
Who  to  their  faith  as  firmly  cleav'd, 
A.nd  own'd  the  riglit  they  had  paid  down  1C3 

So  dearly  for,  the  church  and  crown, 
Th'  united  constanter,  and  sided 
The  more,  the  more  their  foes  divided 
For  tho'  outnumber'd,  overthrown, 
And  by  the  fate  of  war  run  down,  170 

Their  duty  never  was  defeated. 
Nor  from  their  oaths  and  faith  retreated  ; 
For  loyalty  is  still  the  same, 
Whether  it  win  or  lose  the  game  ; 
True  as  the  dial  to  the  sun,  175 

Altho'  it  be  not  shin'd  upon.t 
But  when  these  bretheren  in  evi\,t 
Their  adversaries,  and  the  devil. 
Began  once  more  to  shew  them  play, 
And  hopes,  at  least,  to  have  a  day,  180 

They  ral'y'd  in  parade  of  woods. 
And  unfrequented  solitudes  ; 
Conven'd  at  midnight  in  outhouses, 
T'  appoint  new-rising  rendezvouses, 
And,  with  a  pertiuacy  unmatch'd,  185 

For  new  recruits  of  danger  watch'd.§ 
No  sooner  was  one  blow  diverted, 
But  up  another  party  started. 
And  as  if  Nature  too,  in  haste. 

To  furnish  our  supplies  as  fast,  190 

Before  her  time  had  turn'd  destruction, 
T'  a  new  and  numerous  production  ;|| 
No  sooner  those  were  overcome, 
But  up  rose  others  in  their  room, 


*  A  fine  encomium  on  the  royalists,  their  prudence,  and  suf- 
fering fidelity. 

t  As  the  dial  is  invariable,  and  always  open  to  the  sun  when- 
ever its  rays  can  show  the  time  of  day,  though  the  weather  is 
often  cloudy,  and  obscures  its  lustre :  so  true  loyalty  is  always 
ready  to  serve  its  king  and  country,  though  it  often  suffers  great 
afflictions  and  distresses. 

t  The  poet,  to  serve  his  metre,  lengthens  words  as  well  as 
contracts  them;  thus  lightening,  oppugne,  sarcasmous,  affaires, 
bungleing,  sprinkleing,  benigne. 

J  Recruits,  that  is,  returns. 
Tlie  succession  of  loyalists  was  so  quick,  that  they  seemed  to 
be  perishing,  and  others  supplying  their  places,  before  the  periods 
Qsual  in  nature ;  all  which  is  expressed  with  an  allusion  to 
ui vocal  generation. 


376  HUDIBRAS.  [Vart  w. 

That,  like  the  christian  faith,  increas'd,  193 

The  more,  the  more  they  were  suppress'd  • 

Whom  neither  chains,  nor  transportation, 

Proscription,  sale  or  confiscation. 

Nor  all  the  desperate  events 

Of  former  try'd  experiments,  200 

Nor  wounds,  could  terrify,  nor  mangling. 

To  leave  off  loyalty  and  dangling. 

Nor  death,  with  all  his  bones,  affright 

From  veut'ring  to  maintain  the  right, 

From  staking  life  and  fortune  down  SOS 

'Gainst  all  together,  for  the  crown  :* 

But  kept  the  title  of  their  cause 

From  forfeiture,  like  claims  in  laws ; 

And  prov'd  no  prosp'rous  usurpation    ' 

Can  ever  settle  on  the  nation  ;  810 

Until,  in  spite  of  force  and  treason. 

They  put  their  loy'lty  in  possession  ; 

And,  by  their  constancy  and  faith, 

Destroy'd  the  mighty  men  of  Gath. 

Toss'd  in  a  furious  hurricane,  215 ~ 

Did  Oliver  give  up  his  reign,t 
And  was  believ'd,  as  well  by  saints 
As  moral  men  and  miscreauts,t 


*  That  is,  all  of  them  together,  namely,  the  several  factions, 
their  adversaries,  and  the  devil.    See  v.  178. 

t  The  Monday  before  the  death  of  Oliver,  August  30th,  16.58, 
was  the  most  windy  day  that  had  happened  for  twenty  years; 
Dennis  Bond,  a  member  of  the  long  parliament,  and  one  of  the 
king's  judges,  died  on  this  day  ;  wherefore,  when  Oliver  likewise 
went  away  in  a  storm  the  Friday  following,  it  was  said  the 
devil  came  in  the  first  wind  to  fetch  him,  but  finding  him  not 
quite  ready,  he  took  Bond  for  his  appearance.  Dr.  Morton,  in 
his  book  of  Fevers,  says,  that  Oliver  died  of  an  ague,  or  inter- 
mittent fever;  and  intimates  that  his  life  might  have  been 
saved,  had  the  virtues  of  the  bark  been  sufficiently  known  ;  the 
distemper  was  then  uncomnii^nly  epidemical  and  fatal :  Morion's 
father  died  of  it.  As  there  was  also  a  high  wind  the  day  Oliver 
died,  both  the  poets  and  Lord  Clarendon  may  be  right;  though 
the  note  on  A.  Wood's  Life  insinuates,  that  ihe  noble  historian 
mistook  the  date  of  the  wind.  Wood's  Life,  p.  115.  Waller 
says : 

In  storms  as  loud  as  his  immortal  fame ; 

and  Godolphin: 

In  storms  as  loud  as  was  his  crying  sin. 
t  Some  editions  read  mortal,  but  not  with  so  much  sense  or 
wit.  The  Independents  called  themselves  the  saints  ;  the  cava- 
liers, and  the  church  of  England,  they  distinguished  into  two 
sorts;  the  inmior;4  and  wicked,  they  called  miscreants;  those 
that  were  of  sober  and  of  good  conversation,  they  called  moral 


^. 


Canto  ii.]  HUDIBRAS.  377 

To  founder  in  the  Stygian  ferry, 

Until  he  was  retriev'd  by  Sterry,*  220 

Who,  in  a  false  erroneous  dreain,t 


men  ;  yet,  because  these  last  did  not  maintain  the  doctrine  of 
absolute  predestination  and  justification  liy  faith  only,  but  insist- 
ed tipon  the  necessity  of  good  works,  they  accounted  them  no 
belter  than  moral  heathens.  By  this  opposition  in  the  terms  be- 
twixt moral  men  and  saints,  the  poet  seems  to  insinuate,  that 
the  pretended  saints  were  men  of  no  morals. 

*  It  was  thought  by  the  king's  party,  that  Oliver  Cromwell 
was  gone  to  the  devil;  but  Sterry,  one  of  Oliver's  chaplains, 
assured  the  world  of  his  assumption  into  heaven.  Sterry  preach- 
ed the  sermon  at  Oliver's  funeral,  and  comforted  the  audience 
with  the  following  information.  "As  sure  as  this  is  the  Bible 
"  (which  he  held  up  in  his  hand)  the  blessed  spirit  of  Oliver 
''  Cromwell  is  with  Christ,  at  the  right  hand  of  the  Father,  and 
"  if  he  be  there,  what  may  not  his  family  expect  from  him  1  For 
"if  he  were  so  useful  and  helpful,  and  so  mnch  good  influenced 
"from  him  to  them  when  he  was  in  a  mortal  state,  how  much 
"more  influence  will  they  have  from  him  now  in  heaven:  the 
"Father,  Son,  and  Spirit,  through  him,  bestowed  gifts  and  graces 
"  upon  them."  Bishop  Burnet  hath  recorded  more  rant  of  this 
high-flown  blasphemer,  as  i  find  him  called  by  A.  Wood,  viz. — 
that  praying  for  Richard  Cromwell,  he  said,  "Make  him  the 
"  brightness  of  his  father's  glory,  and  the  e.xpress  image  of  his 
"  person."  Archliishop  Tillotson  heard  him.  The  following  ex- 
tract is  from  the  register  of  Caversham,  in  Berkshire,  communi- 
cated to  me  by  the  very  ingenious  and  learned  Dr.  Loveday,  of 
that  place,  to  whom  I  rejoice  to  acknowledge  my  obligations  for 
his  assistance  in  the  course  of  this  work.  "  Vaniah  Vaux,  the 
"daughter  of  Captain  George  and  Elizabeth  Vaux,  was  born  upon 
"  a  Monday  morning,  between  seven  and  eight  o'clock,  at  Caus- 
"ham  Lodge,  being  the  19th  of  May,  1650,  and  christened  by  Mr. 
"  Peter  Sterry,  minister  and  chaplain  to  the  Highness  the  Lord 
"  Protector." 

t  Peter  Sterry  dreamed  that  Oliver  was  to  be  placed  in 
heaven,  which  he  foolishly  imagined  to  be  the  true  and  real 
heaven  aliove ;  but  it  happened  to  be  the  false  carnal  heaven  at 
the  end  of  Westminster-Hall,  where  his  head  was  fixed  after  the 
Restoration.  There  were,  at  that  time,  two  victualling-houses 
at  the  end  of  Westminster-hall,  under  the  Exchequer,  the  one 
called  Heaven,  and  the  other  Hell:*  near  to  the  former  Oliver's 
head  was  fixed,  January  30,  1660.  Cromvi'ell,  Ireton,  and  Brad- 
shaw,  were  drawn  to  Tyburn  on  three  several  sledges,  and.  be- 
ing taken  from  their  coffins,  hanged  at  tlie  several  angles ;  after- 
wards their  heads  were  cut  off,  and  set  on  Westminster-Hall. 
The  following  is  a  transcript  from  a  MS.  diary  of  Mr..  Edward 
Sainthill,  a  Spanish  merchant  of  those  times,  and  preserved  by 
his  descendants.  "The  30th  of  .January,  being  that  day  twelve 
"years  from  the  death  of  the  king,  the'odious  carcasses  of  Oliver 
"Cromwell,  Mnjor-general  Ireton,  and  Bradshaw,  were  drawn  in 
sledges  to  Tyburn,  where  they  were  hanged  by  the  neck,  from 
■'morning  till  four  in  the  afternoon.  Cromwell  in  a  green  seare- 
•' cloth,  very  fresh,  embalmed;  Ireton  having  been  buried  long. 


•  Those  sreiiilemcn  who  had  been  restrained  in  the  court  of  wards,  were  led 
through  Westminster-Hall,  by  a  stioii»  guard,  to  that  place  under  the  Ex- 
chequer, commonly  called  Heil,  where  they  might  eat  ana  drink,  at  their  ow» 
costs,  what  they  pleased. 


378  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  in 

Mistook  the  New  Jerusalem, 

Profanely  for  th'  apocryphal 

False  heav'ii  at  the  end  o'  th'  hall ; 

Whither,  it  was  decreed  by  fate,  325 

His  precious  reliques  to  translate. 

So  Romulus  was  seen  before 


"hung  like  a  dried  rat,  yet  corrupted  about  the  fundament. 
'  Bradshaw,  in  his  winding-sheet,  the  fingers  of  his  right  hand 
"and  his  nose  perished,  having  wet  the  sheet  through  ;  the  rest 
"  very  perfect,  insoniuch  that  I  knew  his  face,  when  the  hang- 
"man,  after  cutting  his  head  off,  held  it  up  :  of  his  toes,  I  had 
"  five  or  six  in  my  hand,  which  the  prentices  had  cut  off.  Their 
"  bodies  were  tlirown  into  a  hole  under  the  gallows,  in  their 
"  seare-cloth  and  sheet.  Cromwell  had  eight  cuts,  Ireton  four, 
"  being  seare  cloths,  and  their  heads  were  set  up  on  the  south- 
"  end  of  Westminster-Hall."  In  a  marginal  note  is  a  drawing 
of  Tyburn  (by  the  same  hand)  with  the  bodies  hanging,  and  the 
grave  underneath.  Cromwell  is  represented  like  a  nmmmy 
swathed  up,  with  no  visible  legs  or  feet.  To  this  memorandum 
is  added : 

"  Ireton,  died  the  26th  of  November,  1651. 

"Cromwell,  the  3d  of  September,  1658. 

"  Bradshaw,  the  31st  of  October,  1659." 
In  the  same  diary  are  the  following  articles: — "January  8th, 
"  1661,  Sir  A.  Haslerigg,  that  cholerick  rebel,  died  in  the  Tower. 
"The  17th,  Venner  and  his  accomplice  hanged — he  and  another 
"in  Coleman  street;  the  other  IT  in  other  places  of  the  city. 
"Sept.  3d,  1662,  Cromwell's  glorious,  and  yet  fatal  day, died  that 
"long  speaker  of  the  long  parliament,  VViliiani  Lenthall,  very 
"  penitently."  Yet,  according  to  other  accounts,  the  body  of 
Oliver  has  been  ditferently  disposed  of.  Some  say  that  it  was 
sunk  in  the  Thames;  others,  that  it  was  buried  in  JVaseby-field. 
But  the  most  romantic  story  of  all  is,  that  his  corpse  was  private- 
ly taken  to  Windsor,  and  put  in  king  Charles's  coffin ;  while  the 
body  of  the  king  was  buried  in  state  for  Oliver's,  and,  consequent- 
ly, afterwards  hanged  at  Tyburn,  and  the  head  exposed  at  West- 
minster-Hall. These  idle  reports  might  arise  from  the  necessity 
there  was  of  interring  the  Protector's  body  before  the  funeral 
rites  were  performed  :  for  it  appears  to  have  been  deposited  in 
Westminster-Abbey,  in  the  place  now  occupied  by  the  tomb  of 
the  duke  of  Buckingham.  The  engraved  plate  on  his  coffin  i? 
still  in  being.  Sir  John  Prestwick,  in  his  Reonblica,  tells  us 
"  that  Cromwell's  remains  were  privately  interred  in  a  small 
"  paddock,  near  Holborn,  on  the  spot  where  the  obelisk  in  Red- 
"  lion-square  lately  stood."  The  account  of  Oliver's  sickness 
and  death  in  Biog.  Brit.  ed.  2,  vol.  iv.  p.  108,  may  be  depended 
upon,  being  taken  from  Baleai'  Elenchus  Motuum,  who  attended 
as  his  physician  at  the  time."  Dr.  Morton  says,  anno  1658,  Febris 
haec,  tam  spuria  quam  simplex,  pr;eserlim  mensibus  autumnali- 
bus  ubique  per  totam  Angliam  grassabatur,  quod  etiam  Wlllisius 
in  puretologia  sua  testatus  est.  Olivarius  Cromwellus,  qui  turn 
temporis  rerum  Brittannicarum  potitus  est,  et  pater  mens  reve- 
rendus,  idemquemedicus  exercitatissimus,  illo  ipso  anno,  iueunte 
Septembri,  cum  hjec  constitutio  ad  aKjxriv  pervenisset,  hac  febre 
correpti,  fatis  cedebant.  Hoc  tempore  fere  tota  hac  insula  noso- 
(omii  public!  speciem  prce  se  ferebat,  et  in  nonnullis  locis  s;ini 
*ii  Bupererant,  qui  ad  ministrandum  valetudinariis  sufiicerent. 


Canto  ii.]  HUDIBRAS.  379 

B'  as  orthodox  a  senator,* 

From  whose  divine  illumination 

He  stole  the  pagan  revelation.  230 

Next  him  his  son,  and  heir  apparent 
Succeeded,  tho'  a  lame  vicegerent,t 
Who  first  laid  by  the  parliament ; 
The  only  crutch  on  which  he  leant. 
And  then  sunk  underneath  the  state,  235 

That  rode  him  above  horseman's  weights 

And  now  the  saints  began  their  reign, 
For  which  they  'ad  yearn'd  so  long  in  vain,§ 
And  felt  such  bowel-hankerings. 
To  see  an  empire,  all  of  kings, ||  240 

Deliver'd  from  tli'  Egyptian  awe 
Of  justice,  government,  and  law, If 
And  free  t'  erect  what  spiritual  cantons 
Should  be  reveal'd,  or  gospel  Hans-Towns.**i 
To  edify  upon  the  ruins  245 


*  Livy  says,  "  Romulus,  the  first  Roman  king,  being  suddenly 
"  missed,  and  the  people  in  trouble  lor  the  loss  of  him,  Julius 
'  Proculus  made  a  speech,  wherein  he  told  them  that  he  saw 
Romulus  that  morning  come  down  from  heaven  ;  that  he  gave 
"  him  certain  things  in  charge  to  tell  them,  and  that  lie  saw  him 
"mount  up  to  heaven  again."  Proculus  might  have  been  as- 
creditable  and  orthodox  as  Peter  Sterry,  though  not  one  of  the 
assembly  of  divines.  But  Dion.  Halicarnas.  a  better  antiquary, 
anil  more  impartial  than  Livy,  relates,  xi.  56,  that  Romulus  was 
murdered  by  his  own  discontented  subjects.  What  the  annota- 
tor  to  the  third  part  has  concerning  Uuirinus,  he  might  have 
taken  from  Dionysius,  but  neither  this  author  nor  Livy  say  a  word 
about  making  oath.  Dionysius  names  the  witness  Julius,  and 
says  he  was  a  country  farmer:  though  our  poet  has  exalted  him 
to  the  rank  of  a  senator.  In  succeeding  times,  when  it  became 
fashionable  to  deify  the  emperors  and  their  wives,  some  one  was 
actually  bribed  to  swear,  previously  to  the  ceremony,  that  he 
had  seen  the  departed  person  ascending  into  heaven.  Hence, 
on  the  consecration  coins,  we  find  a  person  mounted  on  an  eagle, 
or  peacock,  or  drawn  upwards  in  a  chariot. 

t  Richard  Cromwell,  the  eldest  son  of  Oliver,  succeeded  him 
in  the  protectorship;  but  had  neither  capacity  nor  courage  sulB- 
cient  for  the  situation. 

t  See  Part  i.  canto  i.  1.  925,  where  he  rides  the  state  ;  but  here 
the  state  rides  him. 

§  Meaning  the  committee  of  safety.  See  Lord  Clarendon,  vol. 
iii.  b.  xvi.  ]).  544,  and  Baxter's  Life.  p.  74. 

11  They  founded  their  hopes  on  Revelation  i.  6,  and  v.  10. 

IT  Some  sectaries  thought,  that  all  law  proceedings  should  bo 
abolished,  all  law-hooks  burnt,  and  that  the  law  of  the  Lord 
Jesus  should  be  received  alone. 

**  At  liberty  to  erect  free  states  and  communities,  like  the  can- 
tons of  Switzerland,  or  the  Hans-towns  of  Germany ;  or,  in 
ihort,  to  establish  any  polity  which  their  holy  zeal  might  find 
jgreeable. 


380  HUUIBRAS,  [Part  m. 

Of  John  of  Leyden's  old  oiit-gouigs,* 

Who  for  a  weather-cock  hung  up 

Upon  their  mother-church's  top, 

Was  made  a  type  by  Providence, 

Of  all  their  revelations  since,  S5> 

And  now  fulfill'd  by  his  successors, 

Who  equally  mistook  their  measures  ; 

For  when  they  came  to  shape  the  model, 

Not  one  could  fit  another's  noddle  ; 

But  found  their  !i|,'.  t  and  gifts  more  wide  253 

From  fadging,  than  th'  uusauctify'd, 

While  ev'ry  individual  brother 

Strove  hand  to  fist  against  another, 

And  still  the  maddest,  and  most  crackt, 

Were  found  the  busiest  to  transact  ;t  260 

For  tho'  most  hands  dispatch  apace, 

And  made  light  work,  the  proverb  says, 

Yet  many  ditF'rent  intellects 

Are  found  t'  have  contrary  effects ; 

And  many  heads  t'  obstruct  intrigues,  265 

As  slowest  insects  have  most  legs. 

Some  were  for  setting  up  a  king, 
But  all  the  rest  for  no  such  thing. 
Unless  king  Jesus  :t  others  tamper'd 
For  Fleetwood,  Desborough,  and  Lambert  ;§  270 

Some  for  the  rump,  and  some  more  crafty, 
For  agitators,  and  tho  safety  ;il 

*  John  BuckhoTd,  or  Bokelson,  a  tailor  of  Leyden,  was  ring- 
leader of  a  furious  tribe  of  Anabaptists,  who  made  themselves 
masters  of  the  city  of  Munster,  where  they  proclaimed  a  com- 
munity both  of  goods  and  women-  This  new  Jerusalem,  as  they 
had  named  it,  was  retaken,  after  a  long  siege,  by  its  bishop  and 
sovereign  count  VValdeck  ;  and  John,  with  two  of  his  associ- 
ates, was  suspended  in  an  iron  cage  on  the  highest  tower  of  the 
city.    This  happened  about  the  year  1536. 

t  A  very  sensible  observation,  which  has  Leen  justified  too 
frequently  in  other  instances. 

t  "The  fifth  monarchy  men,"  as  Bishop  Burnet  says,  "seem- 
ed daily  to  expect  the  appearance  of  Christ."'  Mr.  Carew,  one 
of  Ihe  king's  judges,  would  not  plead  to  his  indictment  when 
brought  to  trial,  till  he  had  entered  a  salvo  for  the  jurisdiction  of 
Jesus  Christ:  "  saving  to  our  Lord  Jesus  Christ  his  right  to  the 
"  government  of  these  kingdoms." 

$  Fleetwood  was  son-in-law  to  Cromwell,  having  married 
Ireton's  widow.  He  was  made  lord-deputy  of  Ireland,  and  lieu- 
tenant-general of  the  arnjy.  Desborough  married  one  of  (,'rom- 
well's  sisters,  and  became  a  colonel,  and  general  at  sea.  Lam- 
bert was  the  person  who,  as  Ludlow  tells  us,  was  always  kept 
)n  expectation  by  Cromwell  of  succeeding  him,  and  was  indeed 
be  best  qualified  for  it. 

(I  Some  were  for  restoring  the  remnant  of  the  IcJng  parliament 


Canto  u.]  HUDIBRAS.  381 

Some  for  the  gospel,  and  massacree 

Of  spiritual  affidavit-makers,* 

That  swore  to  any  human  regence  271 

Oaths  of  suprem'cy  and  allegiance  ; 

Yea,  tho'  the  ablest  swearing  saint, 

That  vouch'd  the  bulls  o'  th'  covenant: 

Others  for  pulhng  down  th'  high  places 

Of  synods  and  provincial  classes,t  280 

That  us'd  to  make  such  hostile  inroads 

Upon  the  saints,  like  bloody  Nimrods ; 

Some  for  fulfilling  prophecies, t 

And  th'  extirpation  of  th'  excise  ; 

And  some  against  th'  Egyptian  bondage  285 

Of  holidays,  and  paying  poundage  :§ 

Some  for  the  cutting  down  of  groves,  || 


which,  by  deaths,  exclusions,  and  expulsions,  was  reduced  to  a 
small  number,  perhaps  forty  or  til'ty.  and  therefore  called  the 
rump.  After  the  king's  party  was  subdued,  and  the  parliament 
began  to  talk  of  disbanding  the  army,  or  sending  it  into  Ire- 
land, a  military  council  was  set  up,  consisting  of  the  chief  offi- 
cers, like  the  lords,  and  a  number  of  deputies  from  the  inferior 
officers  and  conmion  soldiers,  like  the  commons,  who  were  to 
meet  and  consult  on  the  interests  of  the  army.  These  were 
called  agitators,  and  the  chief  management  of  afiiilrs  seemed  to 
be  for  some  time  in  their  hands.  When  Lambert  had  broken 
the  rump  parliament  in  1659,  the  officers  of  the  army,  joined  by 
some  of  the  members,  agreed  to  form  a  committee  of  safety,  as 
they  called  it,  consisting  of  between  twenty  and  thirty  persons, 
who  were  to  assume  the  government,  and  provide  for  the  safety 
of  the  kingdom. 

*  Some  were  for  abolishing  all  laws  but  what  were  expressed 
in  the  words  of  the  gospel :  for  destroying  all  magistracy  and 
government,  and  for  extirpating  those  who  should  endeavor  to 
uphold  if,  and  of  those  VV^hitelock  alleges,  that  he  acted  as  a 
member  of  the  committee  of  safety,  because  so  many  were  for 
abolishing  all  order,  that  the  nation  was  like  to  run  into  the  ut- 
most confusion.  The  agitators  wished  to  destroy  all  records, 
and  the  courts  of  justice. 

t  They  wished  to  see  an  end  of  the  Presbyterian  hierarchy. 

t  That  i>,  perhaps,  for  taking  arms  against  the  pope. 

5  On  the  8th  of  June,  1647,  an  ordinance  vt  as  published  through 
out  England  and  Wales  to  abolish  festivals,  and  allow  the  sec 
end  Tuesday  in  every  month  to  scholars,  apprentices,  and  ser 
vants,  for  tiieir  recreation.  The  taxes  imposed  by  the  parlia 
mentwere  numerous  and  heavy:  a  pound  rate  was  levied  on  all 
personal  property.     For  poundarre.  see  Clarendon,  vol.  i.  fol.  20(5. 

II  That  is,  for  destroying  the  ornaments  of  churches,  which 
they  supposed  to  be  marks  of  idolatry  .and  superstition.  Mr.  Gos- 
ling, in  his  Walk  about  Canterbury,  p.  193,  tells  a  story  of  one 
Richard  Culmer,  a  minister  of  God's  word,  and  M.  A.,  who  de- 
JBolished  a  rich  window  of  painted  glass,  and  published  an  ac 
count  of  his  exploit ;  yet  without  noticing  the  following  occur- 
rence :  "While  he  was  laying  about  him  with  great  zeal  and  ar- 
*  dour,  a  townsman  looking  on,  asked  him  what  he  was  doiog  1 


382  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  ra 

And  rectifying  bakers'  loaves  ; 

And  some  for  finding  out  expedients 

Against  the  slav'ry  of  obedience  :  390 

Some  were  for  gospel-ministers, 

And  some  for  red-coat  seculars,* 

As  men  most  fit  t'  hold  forth  the  word, 

And  wield  the  one  and  th'  other  sword  :t 

;Some  were  for  carrying  on  the  work  203 

Against  the  pope,  and  some  the  Turk : 

Some  for  engaging  to  suppress 

The  camisado  of  surplices, t 

That  gifts  and  dispensations  hinder'd. 

And  turn'd  to  th'  outward  man  the  inward  ;§  303 

More  proper  for  the  cloudy  night 

Of  popery  than  gospel-light : 

Olhers  were  for  abolishing 

Tliat  tool  of  matrimony,  a  ring,|l 

With  which  th'  unsanctify'd  bridegroom  305 

Is  marry'd  only  to  a  thumb, t' 


" '  I  am  doinjr  the  work  of  Ihe  Lord,'  said  he.  '  Then,'  replied 
"  the  other,  '  if  it  please  the  Lord  I  will  help  yon  ;'  and  threw  a 
"  stone  with  so  good  a  will,  that  if  the  saint  had  not  ducked,  he 
"  might  have  laid  his  own  bones  among  the  rubbish  he  was  ma- 
"  king.  N.  B.  He  was  then  mounted  on  a  ladder  sixty  feet  high." 
It  is  well  known  that  groves  were  anciently  made  use  of  as  pla- 
ces of  worship.  The  rows  of  clustered  pillars  in  our  gothic  ca- 
thedrals, branching  out  and  meeting  at  top  in  long  drawn  arches, 
are  supposed  to  have  been  suggested  by  the  venerable  groves  of 
our  ancestors. 

*  Some  petitioned  for  the  continuance  and  maintenance  of  a 
gospel  ministry.  Some  thought  that  laymen,  and  even  soldiers, 
might  pleach  the  word,  as  some  of  theui  did,  particularly  Crom- 
well ami  Ireton. 

fThe  sword  of  the  spirit,  which  is  the  word  of  God.  Ephe- 
sians  vi.  17. 

i  Some  sectaries  had  a  violent  aversion  to  the  surplice,  which 
they  called  a  rag  of  popery.  Camisado  or  camisade,  is  an  expe- 
dition by  night,  in  which  the  soldiers  sometimes  wear  their  shirts 
over  the  rest  of  their  clothes,  that  they  may  be  distinguished  by 
their  comrades. 

§  Transferred  the  purity  which  should  remain  in  the  heart,  to 
the  vestment  on  the  back. 

II  Persons  contracting  matrimony  were  to  publish  their  inten- 
tions in  the  next  town,  on  three  market  days,  and  afterwards  the 
contract  was  to  be  certified  by  a  justice  of  the  peace  :  no  ring 
was  used. 

ir  The  word  thumh  is  used  for  the  sake  of  rhyme,  the  ring 
being  put  by  the  bridegroom  upon  the  fourth  finger  of  Ihe  wo- 
man's left  hand.  This  is  a  very  ancient  custom,  and  not  un- 
known to  the  Greeks  and  Romans.  Many  whimsical  reasons 
are  given  for  it.  We  are  told  by  Aiilus  Gellius,  Noct.  Attic,  lib. 
f.  ch.  30,  that  from  this  finger  there  goes  a  most  delicate  nerve 
to  the  heart :   but  our  ancestors  were  very  fond  of  wearing 


Canto  n.i  HUDIBRaS.  383 

As  wise  as  ringing  of  a  pig, 

That  us'd  to  break  up  ground,  and  dig  ; 

The  bride  to  nothing  but  her  "  will,"* 

That  nulls  the  after-marriage  still :  310 

Some  were  for  tli'  utter  extirpatif  .i 

Of  linsey-woolsey  in  the  nation  ;t 

And  some  against  all  idolizing 

The  cross  in  shop-books,  or  baptizing  :\ 

Others  to  make  all  things  recant  'J15 


thumb-rings  :  abbots  were  generally  buried  with  them,  in  token 
of  iheir  connection,  or  marriage,  with  the  religious  house  over 
which  tliey  presided,  fin  early  times  the  thumb  was  used  as  a 
seal,  (see  Du  Cange,)  as  it  is  to  this  day  in  attestations ;  from 
thence  the  seal  ring  was  worn  upon  the  thumb,  which  affords 
perhaps  the  best  reason  for  abbots  being  buried  with  them.  But 
in  the  text  it  woubl  seem  that  something  more  is  meant  than 
meets  the  ear;  for  Butler  with  his  lacilityof  versification  would 
never  have  given  such  a  rhyme  for  the  rhyme's  sake  merely. 
The  following  extract  from  No.  614  of  the  Spectator  seems  to 
throw  a  glimmer  on  the  passage :  "  Before  I  speak  of  widows,  I 
"  cannot  but  observe  one  thing,  which  I  do  not  know  how  to  ac- 
"  count  for;  a  widow  is  always  more  sought  after  than  an  old 
"  maid  of  the  same  age.  It  is  common  enough  among  ordinary 
"  people  for  a  stale  virgin  to  set  up  a  shop  in  a  place  where  she 
"  is  not  known  ;  where  the  larffe  thumb  ring,  supposed  to  be  giv- 
"  en  her  by  her  husband,  quickly  recommends  her  to  some 
"  wealthy  neighbor,  who  takes  a  liking  to  the  jolly  widow,  that 
"  would  have  overlooked  the  venerable  spinster."  Falstaff  says : 
["I  could  have  crept  into  any  alderman's  tkumh-ring."] 
*  Mr.  Warburton  thinks  this  an  equivoque,  alluding  to  the 
response  which  the  bride  makes  in  the  marriage  ceremony — "  I 
will."     Mr.  Butler  in  his  Genuine  Remains,  vol.  i.  p.  246,  says  : 

The  souls  of  women  are  so  small, 

That  some  believe  th'  have  none  at  all  ; 

Or,  if  they  have,  like  cripples,  still, 

Th'  ave  but  one  faculty,  the  will, 
t  Were  for  judaizing.    The  Jewish  law  forbids  the  use  of  a 
garment  made  of  linen  and  woollen.    Lev.  six.  19. 

t  The  Presbyterians  thought  it  superstitious  and  popish  to  use 
the  sign  of  the  cross  in  baptism  ;  or,  even  for  tradesmen  to  make 
a  cross  in  their  books,  as  a  sign  of  payment.  Wr.  Warburton 
thinks  the  lines  may  refer  to  a  proposal  which  was  made  by 
some,  for  spungir.g  all  public  debts ;  and  perhaps,  it  is  a  sneer 
upon  the  Anabaptists,  who  called  themselves  liberi  homines,  anj 
pretended  they  were  made  free  by  Christ,  from  payment  of  all 
trtxes  and  debts ;  and  some  Presbyterians  made  this  a  pretence 
A)r  not  paying  their  private  debts,  lest  they  should  give  occasion 
to  the  making  of  crosses,  and  so  be  promoters  of  idolatry.  Butler 
unites  the  most  trivial  with  the  most  important  objects  of  re- 
formation proposed  by  the  fanatic  republicans  of  that  time,  and 
means,  that  as  the  original  nonconformists  objected  to  the  sign 
of  the  cross  in  baptism,  so  now  their  successors  carried  their 
aversion  to  that  once  venerated  form  to  such  an  extreme  as  to 
call  it  idolatrous,  when  only  used  to  cross  out  paltry  debts  in  a 
tradesman's  ledger-hook. 


S84  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  id 

The  christian  or  sirname  of  saint,* 

And  force  ail  churches,  streets,  and  towns, 

The  holy  title  to  renounce  ; 

Some  'gainst  a  tliird  estate  of  souls, 

And  bringing  down  the  price  of  coals ;+  320 

Some  for  abolishing  black-pudding, 

And  eating  nothing  with  the  blood  in  ;t 

To  abrogate  them  roots  and  !: ranches, § 

While  others  were  for  eating  haunches 

Of  warriors,  and  now  and  then,  325 

The  flesh  of  kings  and  mighty  men  ;|| 

And  some  for  breaking  of  their  bones 

With  rods  of  iron, IT  by  secret  ones  ;** 

For  thrashing  mountains,  and  with  spells 

For  hallowing  carriers'  packs  and  bells  ;tt  330 

Things  that  the  legend  never  heard  of, 

But  made  the  wicked  sore  afraid  of.tt 


*  Streets,  parishes,  churches,  and  even  the  apostles  them 
selves,  were  unsainted  tor  eight  or  ten  years  preceding  the  res 
loration.     See  the  Spectator,  No.  125. 

t  The  first  line  may  allude  to  the  intermediate  or  middle 
state,  in  which  some  supposed  the  soul  to  continue  from  the 
time  of  its  leaving  the  body  to  the  resurrection  ;  or  else  it  may 
allude  to  the  popish  doctrine  of  purgatory.  The  former  suliject 
was  warmly  discussed  about  tliis  time.  The  e.xorbitant  price  of 
coals  was  then  loudly  complained  of.  Sir  Arthur  Hazlerigg  laid 
a  tax  of  four  shillings  a  chaldron  upon  Newcastle  coals,  when 
he  was  governor  there.  Many  petitions  were  presented  against 
the  tax ;  and  various  schemes  proposed  for  reducing  the  price 
of  them.    Shakspeare  says : 

A  pair  of  tribunes  that  have  sack'd  fair  Rome 

To  make  coals  cheap.  Coriolanus,  Act  v.  sc.  1. 

t  The  judaizing  sect. 

^  This  line  seems  unconnected  with  the  preceding,  and  I  am 
inclined  to  think  it  misplaced.  Clarendon  mentions  a  set  of 
men,  who  were  called  root  and  branch  men,  in  opposition  to  others 
who  were  of  more  moderate  principles.  To  abrogate,  that  is, 
that  they  might  utterly  abrogate  or  renounce  every  thing  that 
had  blood,  while  others  were  for  eating  haunches,  alluding  to 
Kevelation  xix.  18.  "  That  ye  might  eat  the  flesh  of  kings, 
"and  the  flesh  of  captains,  and  the  fiesh  of  mighty  men,  and  the 
"flesh  of  horses,  and  of  them  that  sit  on  them,  and  the  flesh  of 
"all  men,  both  free  and  bond,  both  small  and  great." 

II  Expecting,  perhaps,  the  completion  of  the  text.  Rev.  xix.  18. 

11  Ridiculing  the  practice,  so  common  in  those  days,  of  ex- 
pressing every  sentiment  in  terms  of  Scripture.  He  alludes 
perhaps  to  I'salin  ii.  9;  Isaiah  xli.  1.5,  and  Revelation  xix.  1.5. 

**  Thus  in  the  83d  Psalm  and  3d  verse,  "  And  taken  counsel 
"against  thy  secret  ones:"  it  is  thus  translated  in  their  favorite 
copy  of  Geneva.  See  this  expression  used  v.  681,  697,  and  706 
of  this  canto. 

ft  See  Zechariah  xiv.  20. 

U  Things  which  the  Scriptures  never  intended,  but  which 


Canto  ii.]  HUDIBRAS.  385 

The  quacks  of  government,*  who  sate 
At  th'  unregarded  helm  of  state, 
And  understood  this  wild  confusion  335 

Of  fatal  madness  and  delusion, 
Must,  sooner  than  a  prodigy, 
Portend  destruction  to  be  nigh, 
Consider'd  timely  how  t'  withdraw, 
And  save  their  wind-pipes  from  the  law  ;  340 

For  one  rencounter  at  the  bar 
Was  worse  than  all  they  'ad  'scap'd  in  war: 
And  therefore  met  in  consultation 
To  cant  and  quack  upon  the  nation  ; 
Not  for  the  sickly  patient's  sake,  345 

Nor  what  to  give,  but  what  to  take  ; 
To  feel  the  pulses  of  their  fees, 
More  wise  than  fumbling  arteries  ; 
Prolong  the  snufF  of  life  in  pain, 
And  from  the  grave  recover — gain.  350 

'Mong  these  there  was  a  politician, 
With  more  heads  than  a  beast  in  vision,! 
And  more  intrigues  in  every  one 
Than  all  the  whores  of  Babylon  ; 
So  politic,  as  if  one  eye  355 

Upon  the  other  were  a  spy,t 
That  to  trepan  the  one  to  think 

the  wicked,  that  is  the  warriors,  kings,  and  niiphty  men,  were 
afraid  of,  lest  they  should  break  their  bones  and  eat  their  flesh. 

*  These  were  Mr.  Hollis.  Sir  Anthony  Ashley  Cooper,  Grim- 
stone,  Annesley,  Manchester,  Roberts,  and  others;  who  per- 
ceiving that  Richard  Cromwell  was  unable  to  conduct  the 
government,  jnd  that  the  various  schemers  who  daily  started 
up  would  divide  the  party,  and  facilitate  the  restoration  of  the 
roy;il  family,  thought  it  prudent  to  take  care  of  themselves,  and 
secure  their  own  interests  with  as  much  haste  as  possible. 

t  Sir  Anthony  Ashley  Cooper,  afterwards  earl  of  Shaftesbury. 
See  Bishop  Burnet's  character  of  him  in  the  history  of  his  own 
times.  In  1660,  Ashley  Cooper  was  named  one  of  the  twelve 
members  of  the  house  of  conmions  to  carry  their  invitation  to 
the  king  ;  and  it  was  in  performing  this  service  that  he  was  over- 
urned  on  the  road,  and  received  a  dangerous  wound  between 
the  ribs,  which  ulcerated  many  years  after,  and  was  opened  when 
he  was  lord-chancellor;  hence,  and  from  an  absurd  defamation 
that  he  had  the  vanity  to  expect  to  be  chosen  king  of  Poland,  he 
was  called  Tapsky  ;  others,  from  his  general  conduct,  nicknamed 
him  Shiltesbury. 

With  more  heads  than  a  beast  in  vision.  Than  the  beast  with 
seven  heads  and  ten  horns,  in  the  Revelation. 

t  Lord  Shaftesbury  had  weak  eyes,  and  squinted.  He  had 
other  disorders,  which  are  mentioned  in  the  Musa;  Anglicanse, 
and  in  Butler's  Remains,  v<,  1.  ii.  p.  369.  "  He  is  intimate  with  no 
"  man,  but  his  pimp  and  li  is  surgeon."  Character  of  aa  Qnd^ 
serving  favorite. 

17 


386  HUDIBRAS.  [Partih 

The  6t]ier  blind,  both  strove  to  blink  ; 

And  in  his  dark  pragmatic  way, 

As  busy  as  a  cliild  at  play.  360 

He  'ad  seen  three  governments  run  down, 

And  had  a  hand  in  ev'ry  one  ; 

Was  for  'em,  and  against  'em  all. 

But  barb'rous  when  they  came  to  fall : 

For  by  trepanning  th'  old  to  ruin,  36S 

He  made  his  int'rest  with  the  new  one  ; 

Play'd  true  and  faithful,  tho'  against 

His  conscience,  and  was  still  advanc'd : 

For  by  the  witchcraft  of  rebellion 

Transform'd  t'  a  feeble  state-camelion,t  370 

By  giving  aim  from  side  to  side, 

He  never  fail'd  to  save  his  tide. 

But  got  the  start  of  ev'ry  state. 

And  at  a  change,  ne'er  came  too  late  ; 

Could  turn  his  word,  and  oath,  and  faith,  375 

As  many  ways  as  in  a  lath  ; 

By  turning,  wriggle,  like  a  screw, 

Int'  highest  trust  and  out  for  new  • 

For  when  he  'ad  happily  incurr'd, 

Instead  of  hemp,  to  be  preferr'd,  380 

And  pass'd  upon  a  government,! 

He  play'd  his  trick,  and  out  he  went ; 

But  being  out,  and  out  of  hopes 


*  Those  of  the  king,  the  parliament,  and  the  protector.  First 
he  was  high  sherifl'  of  Dorsetshire,  governor  of  Weymouth,  and 
raised  some  forces  for  the  king's  service.  Next  he  joined  the 
parliament,  took  the  covenant,  and  was  made  colonel  of  a  regi- 
ment of  horse.  Afterwards  he  was  a  very  husy  person  in  set- 
ting up  Cromwell  to  be  lord  protector  ;  and  then  again  was  quite 
as  active  in  deposing  Richard,  and  restoring  the  rump.  Bishop 
Burnet  says  of  him,  that  he  was  not  ashamed  to  reclion  up  the 
many  turns  he  had  made,  and  valued  himself  upon  effecting 
them  at  the  properest  season,  and  in  the  best  manner : 

For  close  designs  and  crooked  counsels  fit. 
Sagacious,  bold,  and  turbiilent  of  wit; 
Restless,  unfix'd  in  principles  and  l)lace. 
In  power  unpleas'd,  impatient  of  disgrace  ; 
In  friendship  false,  implacable  in  hate, 
Resolv'd  to  ruin,  or  to  rule  the  state. 

Absalom  and  Achithophel. 

t  The  camelion  is  said  to  assume  the  color  of  the  nearest  oil 
ject.  See  a  treatise  with  this  title  among  the  works  of  Bu 
chanan,  at  the  end  of  the  first  volume,  printed  in  1723,  writtei. 
to  traduce  Secretary  Maitland,  alias  Lethington,  a  politician  U 
similar  talents. 

}  That  is,  passed  himself  upon  the  sfp^erninent. 


Caoto  n.]  HUDIBRAS.  387 

To  mount  his  ladder,  more,  of  ropes,* 

Would  strive  to  raise  himself  upon  385 

The  public  ruin,  and  his  own  ; 

So  little  did  he  understand 

The  desp'rate  feats  he  took  in  hand, 

For  when  he'ad  got  himself  a  name 

For  frauds  and  tricks  he  spoil'd  his  game  ;  39) 

Had  forc'd  his  neck  into  a  noose, t 

To  shew  his  play  at  fast  and  loose  ; 

And,  when  he  clianc'd  t'  escape,  mistook, 

For  art  and  subtlety,  his  luck. 

So  right  his  judgment  was  cut  fit,  395 

And  made  a  tally  to  his  wit, 

And  both  together  most  profound 

At  deeds  of  darkness  under  ground  ; 

As  th'  earth  is  easiest  undermin'd. 

By  vermin  impotent  and  blind.t  400 

By  all  these  arts,  and  many  more, 
He  'ad  practis'd  long  and  much  before, 
Our  state-artificer  foresaw 
Which  way  the  world  began  to  draw  : 
For  as  old  sinners  have  all  points  405 

O'  th'  compass  in  their  bones  and  joints, 
Can  by  their  pangs  and  aches  find 
All  turns  and  changes  of  tiie  wind, 
And  better  than  by  Napier's  boneSj§ 
Feel  in  their  own  the  age  of  moons  ;  410 

So  guilty  sinners,  in  a  state. 
Can  by  their  crimes  prognosticate, 
And  in  their  consciences  feel  pain 
Some  days  before  a  show'r  of  rain 
He  therefore  wisely  cast  about  415 

All  ways  he  could  t'  ensure  his  throat. 
And  hither  came,  t'  observe  and  smoke 
What  courses  other  riskers  took. 


*  It  was  in  clandestine  designs,  stich  as  house-breaking  and 
llie  V\ke,  that  rope  ladders  were  chiefly  used  in  our  poet's  time. 

t  Perhaps  it  would  be  belter  if  for  liad.  we  read  aiid,  or  he. 

t  The  poet  probably  means  eartliworms,  which  are  still  more 
impotent  and  blind  tlian  niol^s. 

^  Lord  Napier  was  one  of  the  first  establishers  of  the  Royal 
Society,  a  very  considerable  mathematician,  inventor  of  log- 
arithms, and  of  certain  pieces  of  wood  or  ivory  with  numbers  on 
them,  with  which  he  performed  arithmetical  and  geometrical 
calculations,  and  these  were  called  Napier's  bones.  See  Lilly's 
History  of  his  own  Life  and  Times,  p.  105,  where  he  is  called 
Lord  Marchiston. 


388  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  m. 

And  to  the  utmost  do  his  best 

To  save  himself,  aiid  hang  the  rest.  42ft 

To  match  this  saint  there  was  another, 
As  busy  and  perverse  a  brother,* 
An  haberdasher  of  small  wrarest 
In  politics  and  state  affairs  ; 

More  Jew  than  rabbi  Achithophel,}  425 

And  better  gifted  to  rebel  ; 
For  when  h'  had  taught  his  tribe  t'  spouse 
The  cause,  aloft  upon  one  house, 
He  scorn'd  to  set  his  own  in  order, 
But  try'd  another,  and  went  further  ;  430 

So  suddenly  addicted  still 
To  's  only  principle,  his  will. 
That  whatsoe'er  it  chanc'd  to  prove, 
No  force  of  argument  could  move. 


*  T'he  old  annotator  applies  this  character  to  the  famous  John 
liilliourn  ;  and  inde?d  it  resembles  him  in  many  respects.  But 
ihe  time  of  the  action  in  this  canto  immediately  precedes  the 
Restoration,  16G0,  and  Lilbourn  died  August  28,  1G57.  The  ap- 
parent anadironism  may  show  that  Butler  did  not  desire  to  be 
understood  of  Lilhourn  or  Shaftesbury,  exclusively  of  others; 
though  doubtless  the  character  of  those  two  men  furnished  him 
with  the  principal  traits  in  the  two  pictures.  In  his  Remains, 
vol.  ii.  p.  272,  are  two  speeches  pretended  to  have  been  made  in 
the  rump  parliament,  1()59,  one  of  them  by  a  Presbyterian,  the 
other  by  an  Independent.  They  maintain  the  same  sentiments 
with  the  following  debate,  but  have  no  personal  allusions  to 
maric  the  particular  characters  of  the  two  speakers.  "  The 
"reader,"  says  Mr.  Thye,  "who  has  curiosity  enough  to  com- 
"  pare,  will  tind  a  great  similarity  of  argument  in  the  two  pcr- 
"formances;  and  that  the  grave,  distinct  reasoning  in  the  serious 
"  invective,  serves  very  happily  to  illustrate  the  arch  and  satiri- 
"cal  drollery  of  the  poetical  banter."  Colonel  John  Lilbourn 
had  been  severely  censured  in  the  star-chamber,  for  dispersing 
seditious  pamphlets;  and  on  the  same  account  was  afterwards 
rewarded  by  the  parliament,  and  preferred  by  Cromwell.  But 
when  Cromwell  had  usurped  the  sovereign  power,  Lilbourn  for- 
sook him,  and  writing  and  speaking  vehemently  he  was  arraigned 
of  treason.  He  was  a  grand  leveller,  and  strong  opponent  of  all 
that  was  uppermost ;  a  man  of  such  an  inveterate  spirit  of  con- 
tradiction that  it  was  commonly  said  of  him,  if  the  world  were 
emptied  of  all  but  himself,  John  would  be  against  Lilbourn,  and 
Lilbourn  agr.inst  John.  Though  John  was  dead,  his  brother 
Robert  was  living,  and  figured  conspicuously.  But  perhaps  the 
poet  might  here  mean  some  one  more  considerable  than  Lil- 
bourn to  oppose  to  Ashley  Cooper. 

t  A  smatterer  in  politics.  Lilbourn  had  been  bred  a  trades- 
man :  Lord  Clarendon  says  a  bookbinder ;  Antliony  Wood 
makes  him  a  ])acker. 

i  Achithophel  was  one  of  David's  counsellors.  He  joined  the 
rebellious  Absalom,  and  assisted  him  with  very  artful  advice; 
but  hanged  himself  when  it  was  not  implicitly  followed.  2  Sam- 
uel, xvil.  2,3. 


Canto  ii.]  HUDIBRAS.  389 

Nor  law,  nor  cavalcade  of  Ho'born,*  435 

Could  render  half  a  grain  less  stubborn  ; 

For  he  at  any  time  would  hang, 

For  th'  opportunity  t'  harangue  ; 

And  rather  on  a  gibbet  dangle. 

Than  miss  his  dear  delight,  to  wrangle  ;  440 

In  which  his  parts  were  so  accomplish'd. 

That,  right  or  wrong,  he  ne'er  was  non-plust : 

But  still  his  tongue  ran  on,  the  less 

Of  weight  it  bore,  with  greater  ease  ;  " 

And,  with  its  everlasting  clack,  445 

Set  all  men's  ears  upon  the  rack  : 

No  sooner  could  a  hint  appear, 

But*up  he  started  to  picqueer,t 

And  made  the  stoutest  yield  to  mercy, 

When  he  engag'd  in  controversy  ;  450 

Not  by  the  force  of  cai-nal  reason, 

But  indefatigable  teazing. 

With  vollies  of  eternal  babble. 

And  clamour,  more  unanswerable: 

For  tho'  his  topics,  frail  and  weak,  455 

Cou'd  ne'er  amount  above  a  freak, 

He  still  maintaiu'd  'em,  like  his  faults. 

Against  the  desp'ratest  assaults  ; 

And  back'd  their  feeble  want  of  sense, 

With  greater  heat  aud  confidence  :t  460 

As  bones  of  Hectors,  when  they  differ, 

The  more  they  're  cudgell'd,  grow  the  stiffer.§ 

Yet  when  this  profit  moderated, 1| 

The  fury  of  his  heat  abated ; 

For  nothing  but  his  interest  465 

Could  lay  his  devil  of  contest : 

It  was  his  choice,  or  chance,  or  curse, 


*  When  criminals  were  executed  at  Tyburn,  tliey  were  gener- 
ally conveyed  in  carts,  by  the  sheriff  and  his  attendants  on  horse- 
back, from  Newgate,  along  Snow-hill,  Holborn-hill,  Holhorn, 
High  Holborn,  Broad  St.  Giles's,  Oxl'urd-street,  and  Tyburn- 
road. 

T  In  a  conference  with  James  II.,  held  with  Burnet  on  the  sub- 
ject of  religion,  James  said  "  He  had  piqueered  with  Sheldon 
"and  Morley,  and  found  them  nearer  to  popery  than  the  young 
"divines;"  it  is  a  military  term,  and  signifies  to  skirmish. 

t  When  Lilbourn  was  arraigned  for  treason  against  Cromwell, 
he  pleaded  at  his  trial,  that  no  treason  could  be  committed 
against  such  a  government,  and  what  he  had  done  was  in  de- 
fence of  the  liberties  of  his  country. 

§  A  pun  upon  the  word  stiffer. 

jl  When  his  interest  swayed  and  governed  him.  Moderatti 
is  a  verb  active. 


390  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  m 

T'  espouse  the  cause  for  better  or  worse, 

And  with  hLs  worldly  goods  and  wit, 

And  soul  and  body  worshipp'd  it  :*  470 

But  when  he  found  the  sullen  trapes 

Possess'd  with  th'  devil,  worms,  and  claps: 

The  Trojan  mare,  in  foal  with  Greeks, 

Not  half  so  full  of  jadish  tricks, 

Tho'  squeamish  in  her  outward  woman,  475 

As  loose  and  rampant  as  Doll  Common  ;t 

He  still  Tesolv'd  to  mend  the  matter, 

T'  adhere  and  cleave  the  obstinater ; 

And  still  the  skittisher  and  looser 

Her  freaks  appeared,  to  sit  the  closer:  480 

For  fools  are  stubborn  in  their  way,  ** 

As  coins  are  liarden'd  by  th'  allay : 

And  obstinacy's  ne'er  so  stiff. 

As  when  'tis  in  a  wrong  belief.t 

These  two,  with  others,  being  met,^  485 

And  close  in  consultation  sot, 
After  a  discontented  pause. 
And  not  without  sufficient  cause, 
The  orator  we  mention'd  late, 

Less  troubled  witii  the  pangs  of  state,  490 

Than  with  his  own  impatience. 
To  give  himself  first  audience. 
After  he  had  awhile  look'd  wise. 
At  last  broke  silence,  and  the  ice. 

Quoth  he.  There's  nothing  makes  me  doubt       495 
Our  last  outgoings  brought  about. 
More  than  to  see  the  characters 
Of  real  jealousies  and  fears 
Not  feign'd,  as  once,  but  sadly  horrid,  U 


*  Alluding  to  the  words  in  the  office  of  matrimony  :    "With 
"  my  body  J  thee  worship,  and  with  all  my  worldly  goods  I  thee 
"  endow." 
t  A  prostitute  in  Ben  Jonson's  play  called  The  Alchymist. 
i  The  same  sentiment  is  ditierently  expressed  in  the  Remains 
vol.  i.  p.  181 : 

For  as  implicit  faith  is  far  more  stiff. 
Than  that  which  understands  its  own  belief; 
So  those  that  think,  and  do  but  tllinlj,  they  know 
Are  far  more  obstinate  than  those  that  do: 
And  more  averse,  than  if  they  'd  ne'er  been  tatight 
A  wrong  way,  to  a  right  one  to  be  brought. 
^  A  cabal  met  at  Whitehall,  at  the  same  time  that  General 
Monk  dined  with  the  city  of  London. 

II  Not  feigned  and  pretended  as  formerly,  in  the  beginning  of 
the  parliament,  when  they  stirred  up  the  people  against  the 


Canto  II.]  HUDIBRAS.  391 

Soor'd  upon  ev'ry  member's  forehead ;  500 

Who,  'cause  the  clouds  are  drawn  together, 

And  threaten  sudden  change  of  weather, 

Feel  pangs  and  aches  of  state-turns. 

And  revolutions  in  their  corns  ; 

And,  since  our  workings-out  are  crost,*  505 

Throw  up  the  cause  before  'tis  lost. 

Was  it  to  run  away  we  meant. 

Who,  taking  of  the  covenant. 

The  lamest  cripples  of  the  brothers 

Took  oaths  to  run  before  all  others,!  510 

But  in  their  own  sense,  only  swore, 

To  strive  to  run  away  before. 

And  now  would  prove,  that  words  and  oath 

Engage  us  to  renounce  them  both  ? 

'Tis  true  the  cause  is  in  the  lurch,  515 

Between  a  right  and  mongrel-church  ; 

The  presbyter  and  independent. 

That  stickle  which  shall  make  an  end  on't 

As  'twas  made  out  to  us  the  last 

Expedient, — I  mean  Marg'ret's  fast  ;t  520 

When  Providence  had  been  suborn'd. 

What  answer  was  to  be  return'd  :§ 

king  by  forging  letters,  suborning  witnesses,  and  making  an  out- 
cry of  strange  plots  being  carried  on,  and  horrible  dangers  being 
at  hand.  For  instance,  the  people  were  incensed,  as  if  the 
papists  were  about  to  tire  their  houses,  and  cut  their  throats 
while  they  were  at  church  ;  as  if  troops  of  soldiers  were  kept 
under  ground  to  do  execution  upon  them  ;  and  sometimes  as  if 
the  Thames  were  intended  to  be  blown  up  with  gunpowder,  to 
drown  or  choke  them.     Bates's  Elench.  Motuum. 

*  Out-goings,  and  workings-out,  were  cant  terms  in  frequent 
use  with  the  sectaries,  signifying  perhaps  their  endeavors,  and 
their  works. 

t  These  were  the  words  used  in  the  solemn  league  and 
covenant,  "Our  true  and  unfeigned  purpose  is,  each  one  to  go 
"  before  another  in  the  example  of  a  real  reformation." 

+  The  lectures  and  exercises  delivered  on  days  of  public  de- 
votion, were  called  expedients.  Besides  twenty-flve  days  of 
solemn  fasting  and  humiliation  on  extraordinary  occasions,  there 
was  a  fast  kept  every  month  for  about  eight  years  together. 
The  commons  attended  divine  service  in  St.  Margaret's  church, 
Westminster.  The  reader  will  observe,  that  the  orator  does 
not  say  Saint  Margaret's,  but  MargareVs  fast.  Some  of  the 
sectaries,  instead  of  Saint  Peter  or  Saint  Paul,  would  in  derision 
say.  Sir  Peter  and  Sir  Paul.  The  parliament  petitioned  the 
king  for  fasts  while  he  had  power,  and  afterwards  the  appoint- 
ing them  themselves  was  an  expedient  they  made  use  of  to 
alarm  and  deceive  the  people,  who,  upon  such  an  occasion, 
could  not  but  conclude  there  was  some  more  than  ordinary  im- 
pending danger,  or  some  important  business  carrying  on. 

"o  These  sectaries  pretended  a  great  familiarity  with  heaven ; 
and  when  any  villany  was  to  Se  transacted,  they  would  seem  in 


393  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  in 

Else  why  should  tumults  fright  us  iiov/, 

We  have  so  many  times  gone  thro', 

And  understand  as  well  to  tame  525 

As  when  they  serve  our  turns,  t'  inflame  ; 

Have  prov'd  how  inconsiderable 

Are  all  engagements  of  the  rabble, 

Whose  frenzies  must  be  reconcil'd 

With  drums,  and  rattles,  like  a  child,  530 

But  never  provd  so  prosperous, 

As  when  they  were  led  on  by  us  ; 

For  all  our  scouring  of  religion 

Began  with  tumults  and  sedition  ; 

When  hurricanes  of  fierce  commotion  535 

Became  strong  motives  to  devotion  ; 

As  carnal  seamen,  in  a  storm. 

Turn  pious  converts,  and  reform, 

When  rusty  weapons,  with  chalk'd  edges, 

Maintain'd  our  feeble  privileges,  5*0 

And  brown-bills  levy'd  in  the  city,* 


their  prayers  to  propose  their  doubts  and  scruples  to  God  Al- 
mighty, ami  after  having  debated  the  matter  some  time  with 
him,  they  would  turn  their  discourse,  and  bring  forth  an 
answer  suitable  to  their  designs,  which  the  people  were  to 
look  upon  as  suggested  from  heaven.  Bates's  Elench.  Mo 
tuum.  It  was  an  observation  in  that  time,  that  the  first  publish- 
ing of  extraordinary  news  was  from  the  pulpit;  and  from  the 
I)reacher's  text  and  discourse  the  hearers  might  judge,  and  com- 
monly foresaw  what  was  liliely  to  be  done  next  in  the  parlia 
meat  or  council  of  state.     Lord  Clarendon. 

*  Apprentices  armed  with  occasional  weapons.  Ainsvvnrth, 
in  his  Dictionary,  translates  sparum,  a  brown  bill.  Bishop 
Warburton  says,  to  fight  with  rusty  or  poisoned  weapons,  (see 
Shakspeare's  Hamlet,)  was  against  the  law  of  arms.  So  when 
the  citizens  used  the  former,  they  chalked  the  edges.  Samuel 
Johnson,  in  the  octavo  edition  of  his  Dictionary,  says,  "  Brown- 
"biiiwds  the  ancient  weapon  of  the  English  foot,"  so  called, 
perhaps,  because  sanguined  to  prevent  the  rust :  tlius  sjiortsmen 
often  serve  their  fowling-pieces  to  prevent  too  much  glitter,  as 
well  as  the  rust.  Bbick-bill  seems  to  be  the  opposite  term  to 
brown-bill.  See  Sir  T.  Warton's  life  of  Sir  T.  Pope,  p.  3.)6, 
note.  'J'he  common  epithet  for  a  sword,  or  offensive  weapon  iti 
the  old  metrical  romances,  is  brown  :  as  brown  brand,  or  brown 
iword,  brown  bill,  &c.,  and  sometimes  even  bright  brown 
sword.  Chaucer  applies  the  word  rustie-in  the  same  sense  :  he 
thus  describes  the  reve,  "  And  by  his  side  he  bare  a  rnstie  blade." 
\nd  again,  even  thus  the  god  Mars,  "And  in  his  hand  he 
'had  a  rusty  sword."  Spenser  has  sometimes  used  the  same 
epithet.  See  Warton's  Observations,  vol.  ii.  p.  02.  Perhaps 
our  ancestors  deemed  it  honorable  to  carry  their  weapons 
stained  with  the  blood  of  their  enemies.  In  the  ballad  of 
Robin  Hood,  and  Guy  of  Gisborne,  1.  148,  "with  blades  both 
brown  and  bright."  Percy's  Reliques,  p.  88.  See  verse  151)8  of 
this  canto : 


Canto  ii.]  HUDIBRAS.  393 

Made  bills  to  pass  the  grand  committee  : 

When  zeal,  with  aged  chibs  and  gleaves,* 

Gave  chase  to  rochets,  and  white  sleeves,t 

And  made  the  church,  and  state,  and  laws,  545 

Submit  t'  old  iron,  and  the  cause 

And  as  we  thriv'd  by  tumults  then. 

So  might  we  better  now  agen, 

If  we  know  how,  as  then  we  did, 

To  use  them  rightly  in  our  need :  550 

Tumults,  by  which  the  mutinous 

Betray  themselves  instead  of  us  ; 

The  hollow-hearted,  disaffected, 

And  close  malignant  are  detected ; 

Who  lay  their  lives  and  fortunes  down,  W5 

For  pledges  to  secure  our  own  ; 

And  freely  sacrifice  their  eai-s 

T'  appease  our  jealousies  and  fears : 

And  yet,  for  all  these  providences, 

W  are  ofFer'd,  if  we  have  our  senses,  560 

We  idly  sit,  like  stupid  blockheads, 

Our  hands  committed  to  our  pockets, 

And  nothing  but  our  tongues  at  large, 

To  get  the  wretches  a  discharge : 

Like  men  condemn'd  to  thunder-bolts,  5G3 

Who,  ere  the  blow,  become  mere  dolts  ;t 

Or  fools  besotted  with  their  crimes, 

That  know  not  how  to  shift  betimes. 

And  neither  have  the  hearts  to  stay. 


With  new-chalk'd  bills,  and  rusty  arms. 
Butler,  in  his  MS.  Commnn-place  book,  says,  "  The  confident 
"man's  wit  is  like  a  watchman's  bill  with  a  chalked  edge,  that 
"  pretends  to  sharpness,  only  to  conceal  its  dull  bluntness  from 
"the  public  view." 

*  Zealots  armed  with  old  clubs;  and  gleaves,  swords,  from 
the  Latin,  glaudis. 

t  Alderman  Pennington,  with  some  hundred  of  the  rabble  at 
his  heels,  presented  a  petition  to  the  commons  signed  with  15,000 
names,  praying  that  the  government  by  bishops  might  be 
abolished.  Afterwards  the  apprentices  were  drawn  down  in 
great  numbers,  to  cry  out  at  the  parliament  doors.  No  bishops, 
No  bishops  !  By  which,  and  the  like  means,  the  bill  against  the 
bishops  voting  in  parliament,  and  that  against  the  earl  of  Straf- 
ford, were  made  to  pass  the  houses,  and  obtain  the  royal 
assent. 

%  Some  of  the  ancients  were  of  opinion,  that  thunder  stupifi- 
ed  before  it  killed.  See  Ammian.  Marcellin.  Vejovis  fulmine 
mox  tangeiidos  adeo  hebetari,  iit  nee  tonitrum  nee  majores 
aliquos  possint  audire  fragores,  xvii.  10,  and  Plin.  Nat.  Hist.  ii. 
54.  Perhaps  the  notion  may  be  as  old  as  .iEschylus :  see  his 
Prometheus. 

17* 


394  HUDIBRAS.  [Fart  in 

Nor  wit  enough  to  run  away  :  570 

Who,  if  we  could  resolve  on  either, 

Might  stand  or  fall  at  least  together  ; 

No  mean  or  trivial  solaces 

To  partners  in  extreme  distress,* 

Who  use  to  lessen  their  despairs,  S75 

By  parting  them  int'  equal  shares ; 

As  if  the  more  they  were  to  bear,t 

They  felt  the  weight  the  easier ; 

And  ev'ry  one  the  gentler  hung, 

The  more  he  took  his  turn  among.  580 

But  'tis  not  come  to  that,  as  yet, 

If  we  had  courage  left,  or  wit, 

Who,  when  our  fate  can  be  no  worse, 

Are  fitted  for  the  bravest  course, 

Have  time  to  rally,  and  prepare  585 

Our  last  and  best  defence,  despair  :t 

Despair,  by  which  the  gallant'st  feats 

Have  been  achiev'd  in  greatest  straits, 

And  horrid'st  dangers  safely  wav'd, 

By  b'ing  courageously  outbrav'd  ;  590 

As  wounds  by  wider  wounds  are  heal'd, 

And  poisons  by  themselves  expeli'd  ;§ 

And  so  they  might  be  now  agen. 

If  we  were,  what  we  should  be,  men  ; 

And  not  so  dully  desperate,  595 

To  side  against  ourselves  with  fate  : 

As  criminals,  condemn'd  to  suffer. 

Are  blinded  first,  and  then  turn'd  over. 

This  comes  of  breaking  covenants. 

And  setting  up  exempts  of  saints, ||  600 

That  fine,  like  aldermen,  for  grace, 

To  be  excus'd  the  efficace  :1T 


*  Solanien  miseris  socios  habuisse  del  oris. 

f  In  some  editions  ;  as  if  the  more  there  were  to  bear. 

X  Una  sains  vlctis  nullam  sperare  salutem. 

^  Sneering  Sir  Kenelm  Digby,  and  others,  who  assert  this  as  a 
fact ;  indeed,  oil  is  a  good  cure  of  the  serpent's  bite.  See  v.  1029 
of  this  canto. 

II  Dispensing,  in  particular  instances,  with  the  covenant  and 
obligations. 

IT  Persons  who  are  nominated  to  an  office,  and  pay  the  accus 
tomed  fine,  are  entitled  to  the  sa  ne  privileges  as  if  they  had  per- 
formed the  service.  Thus,  some  of  the  sectaries,  if  they  paid 
handsomely  were  deemed  saints,  and  full  of  grace,  though,  from 
the  tenor  of  their  lives,  they  merited  no  such  distinction,  com 
muting  for  their  want  of  real  grace,  that  they  might  be  excused 
tbe  drudgery  of  good  works,  for  spiritual  men  are  too  transcend 


Canto  ii.]  HUDIBRAS.  395 

For  sp'ritual  men  are  too  transcendent,* 

Thai  mount  their  banks  for  independent,! 

To  hang,  like  Mah'met,  in  the  air,t  605 

Or  St.  Ignatius,  at  his  prayer,§ 

By  pure  geometry,  and  hate 

Dependence  upon  church  or  state  ; 

Disdain  the  pedantry  o'  th'  letter, 

And  since  obedience  is  better,  610 

The  Scripture  says,  than  sacrifice, 

Presume  the  less  on't  will  suffice  ; 

And  scorn  to  have  the  moderat'st  stints 

Prescrib'd  their  peremptory  hints, 

Or  any  opinion,  true  or  false,  fl5 

Declar'd  as  such,  in  doctriuals  ; 

But  left  at  large  to  make  tiieir  best  on. 

Without  b'ing  call'd  t'  account  or  quest'on 

Interpret  all  the  spleen  reveals, 

As  Whittington  explain'd  the  bells  ;||  020 

And  bid  themselves  turn  back  agen 

Lord  May'rs  of  New  Jerusalem  ; 

But  look  so  big  and  overgrown, 

They  scorn  their  edifiers  t'  own. 

Who  taught  them  all  their  sprinkling  lessons,         C25 

Their  tones,  and  sanctify'd  expressions  ; 

Bestow'd  their  gifts  upon  a  saint, 

Like  charity,  on  those  that  want ; 


ent  to  grovel  in  good  works,  namely,  those  spiritual  men  that 
mount  their  banlfs  for  independent.  Efficace  is  an  affected  word 
of  the  poet's  own  coining,  and  signilies,  I  suppose,  actual  ser- 
vice. 

*  This  and  the  following  lines  contain  an  elegant  satire  upon 
those  persons  who  renounce  all  dependence  either  on  the  church 
or  state. 

t  Etre  sur  les  bancs,  is  to  hold  a  dispute,  to  assert  a  claim,  to 
contest  a  right  or  an  honor,  to  be  a  competitor. 

t  They  need  no  such  support  as  the  body  of  Mahomet;  which, 
history  fabulously  tells  us,  is  kept  suspended  in  the  air,  by  being 
placed  in  a  steel  cotiin  between  two  loadstones  of  equal  pow- 
ers. 

^  Ignatius  Loyola,  the  founder  of  the  Jesuits.  An  old  soldier : 
at  the  siege  of  Pampeluna  by  the  French  he  had  both  his  legs 
wounded,  the  left  by  a  stone,  the  right  broken  by  a  bullet.  His 
fervors  in  devotion  were  so  strong  that  they  sometimes  raised 
him  two  cubits  from  the  ground.  The  same  story  is  told  in  the 
legends  of  Saint  Dominick,  Xavier,  and  Philip  Neri. 

II  In  his  imagination  their  jingle  said, 

Turn  again  Whittington, 
For  thou  in  time  shalt  grow 
Lord-mayor  of  London. 

Obeying  the  admonition,  he  not  only  att;iined  the  promised 
honor,  but  amassed  a  fortune  of  C.ISO.OOO.    Tatler,  No.  78. 


396  HUDIBRAS  [Part  iu 

A)id  learii'd  tli'  apocrj^phal  bigots 

T'  inspire  tliemse^ves  with  shorthand  notes,*  630 

For  which  they  scorn  and  hate  them  worse 

Than  dogs  and  cats  do  sow-gelders : 

For  who  first  bred  them  up  to  pray, 

And  teach  the  liouse  of  commons  way? 

Where  had  tliey  all  their  gifted  phrases,  633 

But  from  our  Calamies  and  Cases  ?t 

Without  whose  sprinkling  and  sowing, 

Whoe'er  had  heard  of  Nye  or  Owen  ?t 

Their  dispensations  had  been  stifled, 

But  for  our  Adoniram  Byfield  ;§  640 


*  Learn'd.  that  is,  taught.  Apocryphal  bigots,  not  genuine 
ones,  some  suppose  to  be  a  kind  of  second-rale  Independent  di- 
vines, that  availed  themselves  of  the  genuine  bigots  or  Presliy- 
terian  ministers'  discourse,  by  taking  down  the  heads  of  it  in 
shorthand,  and  then  retailing  it  at  private  meetings.  The  accent 
is  laid  upon  the  last  syllable  of  bigot. 

t  Calamy  was  minister  of  Aldermanbury,  London,  a  zealous 
Presbyterian  and  Covenanter,  and  frequent  preacher  before  the 
parliament.  He  was  one  of  the  first  who  whispered  in  the  con- 
venticles, what  afterwards  he  proclaimed  openly,  that  for  the 
cause  of  religion  it  was  lawful  lor  the  subjects  to  take  up  arms 
against  the  king.  Case,  upon  the  deprivation  of  a  loyalist,  be- 
came minister  of  Saint  Mary  Magdalen  church.  Milk-street; 
where  it  was  usual  with  him  thus  to  invite  his  people  to  the 
communion  :  "  Yon  that  have  freely  and  liberally  contributed  to 
"  the  parliament,  for  the  defence  of  God  s  cause  and  the  gospel, 
"  draw  near,"  &c.,  instead  of  the  words,  "  ye  that  do  truly  and 
"earnestly  repent  you  of  your  sins."  He  was  one  of  the  assem- 
bly of  divines,  preached  for  the  covenant,  and  printed  his  ser- 
mon:  preached  often  before  the  parliament,  was  a  bluer  enemy 
to  Independents,  and  concerned  with  Love  in  the  plot. 

i  Here  read  sprinkleing,  or  sprinkeling.  Philip  Nye  was  a 
most  virulent  dissenting  teacher,  zealous  against  the  king  and 
bishops  beyond  most  of  his  brethren.  He  went  on  purpose  into 
Scotlanil  to  expedite  the  covenant,  and  preached  before  the 
houses  in  England,  when  that  obligation  was  taken  by  them 
He  was  at  first  a  Presbyterian,  and  one  of  the  assembly  ;  but  af 
terwards  joined  the  Independents.  At  the  restoration,  it  was 
debated  by  the  healing  parliament  for  several  hours,  whether 
he  should  not  be  excepted  from  life.  Doctor  Owen  was  a  great 
stickler  on  the  Independent  side,  and  in  great  credit  with  Crom- 
well and  his  party.  He  was  preferred  by  them  to  the  deanry  of 
Christ  church,  in  Oxford.  The  Biographical  Dictionary,  in  8vo. 
says,  that,  in  1654,  being  vice-chancellor,  he  offered  to  represent 
the  university  in  parliament;  and,  to  remove  the  objection  of  his 
being  a  divine,  renounced  his  orders,  and  pleaded  that  he  was  a 
layman.  He  was  returned  ;  but  his  election  being  questioned  in 
the  committee,  he  sat  only  a  short  time. 

§  Byfield  was  a  noted  Presbyterian,  chaplain  to  Colonel  Chol- 
mondeiy's  regiment,  in  the  earl  of  Essex's  army,  and  one  of  the 
scribes  io  the  assembly  of  divines.  Afterwards  he  became  min- 
ister of  Collingborn,  in  Wilts,  and  assistant  to  the  commissioners 
In  ejecting  scandalous  ministers. 


Canto  ii.]  HC/DIBRAS.  397 

And  had  they  not  begun  the  war, 

They  'ad  ne'er  been  sainted  as  they  are  :* 

For  saints  in  peace  degenerate, 

And  dwindle  down  to  reprobate  ; 

Their  zeal  corrupts,  like  standing  water,  045 

In  th'  intei-vals  of  war  and  slaughter  ; 

Abates  the  sharpness  of  its  edge. 

Without  the  pow'r  of  sacrilege  :t 

And  tho'  they've  tricks  to  cast  their  sins, 

As  easy  as  serpents  do  their  skins.t  650 

That  in  a  while  grow  out  agen. 

In  peace  they  turn  mere  carnal  men, 

And  from  the  most  refin'd  of  saints. 

As  nat'rally  grow  miscreants 

As  barnacles  turn  sol  and  geese  055 

In  th'  islands  of  the  Orcades.§ 

*  Had  not  the  divines,  on  the  Presbyterian  side,  fomented  the 
differences,  the  Independents  had  never  come  in  play,  or  been 
taken  notice  of. 

T  That  is,  if  they  have  not  the  power  and  opportunity  of  con?- 
mitting  sacrilege,  by  plunderinfr  the  church  lands. 

t     Positis  novus  exuviis,  nitidusqiic  juventa.     Georg.  iii.  4.37. 

§  Our  poet  wds  too  good  a  naturalist  to  suppose  that  a  sliell- 
flsh  would  turn  to  a  goose:  but  in  this  place,  as  in  many  others, 
he  means  to  banter  some  of  the  papers  published  by  the  first  es- 
tablishers  of  the  Royal  Society.  In  the  twelfth  volume  of  the 
Philosophical  Transactions,  No.  ]37,  p.  O^.l,  Sir  Robert  Moray 
gives  an  account  of  barnacles  hanging  upon  trees,  and  contain- 
ing each  of  them  a  little  bird,  so  completely  formed  that  nothing 
appeared  wanting,  as  to  the  e.xternal  parts,  for  making  up  a  per- 
fect sea-fowl:  the  little  bill,  like  that  of  a  goose;  the  eyes 
marked  ;  the  head,  neck,  breast,  and  wings,  tail  and  feet  formed  ; 
the  feathers  every  way  perfectly  shaped,  and  blackish  colored; 
and  the  feet  like  those  of  other  water  fowls.  See  the  Lepas 
anatifera,  Lin.  SySt.  0G8.  My  friend,  Mr.  Pennant,  observes, 
(British  Zoology,  vol.  iv.  No.  9,)  that  the  animal  is  furnished 
with  a  feathered  beard,  which  in  a  credulous  age  was  believed 
to  be  part  of  a  young  bird  ;  it  is  a  native  of  hot  climates,  and 
found  adhering  to  the  bottoms  of  ships.  Heylin  says,  they  are 
bred  in  the  Isle  of  Man  from  rotten  wood  thrown  into  the  water. 
The  same  is  mentioned  by  Camden,  and  by  old  Gerard  in  his 
Herbal,  who  gives  a  print  of  the  goose  itself  in  p.  1587,  with  a 
cluster  of  the  shells  called  Lepas  anatifera,  or  barnacle  shells, 
which  he  calls  ConchiB  anatifen-e  Britannicas,  and  by  the  wise 
naturalists  of  the  sixteenth  century  \yere  tliought  to  generate 
the  birds,  which  hung  for  a  while  by  the  bill,  then  fell  into  the 
sea,  and  grew  to  rmturity :  they  did  not,  like  our  poet,  make  the 
tree  goose  a  soland  goose,  but  the  goose  called  the  barnacle. 
British  Zoology,  ii.  269.  Sir  John  Mandeville,  in  his  Voyages, 
ch.  84,  says,  "  In  my  country  there  are  trees  that  do  bear  fruit 
"  that  become  birds  flying,  and  they  are  good  to  eat,  and  that 
"which  falls  in  the  water  lives,  and  that  which  falls  on  the 
"earth  dies."  Ed.  London,  1722.  Hector  Boetius,  in  his  History 
of  Scotland,  tells  us  of  a  goose-bearing  tree,  as  it  is  called  in  the 
Orcades ;  that  is,  one  whose  leaves  falling  into  the  water,  an 


398  HUDIBRAS.  fPART  in 

Their  dispensation  's  but  a  ticket 

For  their  conforming  to  the  wicked, 

With  whom  their  greatest  difference 

Lies  more  in  words  and  shew,  than  sense  •  660 

For  as  the  Pope,  that  keeps  the  gate 

Of  heaven,  wears  three  crowns  of  state  ;* 

So  he  tliat  keeps  the  gates  of  hell, 

Proud  Cerb'rus,  wears  three  heads  as  well  ;t 

And,  if  the  world  has  any  troth, t  665 

Some  have  been  canoniz'd  in  both. 

But  that  which  does  them  greatest  harm, 

Their  sp'ritual  gizzards  are  too  warm,§ 

Which  puts  the  overheated  sots 

lu  fevers  still,  like  other  goats  ;||  670 

turned  to  those  geese  which  are  called  soland  geese,  and  found 
in  prodigious  numbers  in  those  parts.    Thus  the  poet  Dubartas : 

Po  slow  Bootes  underneath  him  sees 
In  th'  icy  islands,  goslings  hatch'd  of  trees, 
Whose  fruitful  leaves  falling  into  the  water 
Are  turn'd  ('tis  known)  to  living  fowl  soon  after. 
Again : 

So  rotten  planks  of  broken  ships  do  change 
To  barnacles.    Oh  I  transformation  strange  ! 
'Twas  first  a  green  tree,  then  a  broken  hull, 
Lately  a  mushroom,  now  a  flying  gull. 

The  poet  seems  to  have  taken  something  from  each  of  these 
stories.  In  Moore's  Travels  into  the  inland  parts  of  Africa,  p. 
54,  we  read  :  ''This  evening,  December  18,  1730,  I  supped  upon 
"  oysters  which  grew  upon  trees.  Down  the  river  (Gambia) 
"  where  the  water  is  salt,  and  near  the  sea,  the  river  is  bounded 
"  with  trees  called  mangroves,  whose  leaves  being  long  and 
"  heavy,  weigh  the  boughs  into  the  water.  To  these  leaves 
"  the  young  oysters  fasten  in  great  quantities,  where  they  grow 
"  till  they  are  very  large ;  and  then  you  cannot  separate  them 
"  from  the  tree,  but  are  obliged  to  cut  oti"  the  boughs.  The  oys- 
"  ters  hanging  on  them  rtsenible  a  rope  of  onions."  Mr.  Francis 
Moore,  son  of  a  writing-master  at  Worcester,  was  many  years  a 
factor  in  the  service  of  the  African  Company,  and  travelled  five 
hundred  miles  up  the  river  Gambia.  These  oysters  are  found 
in  Jamaica,  and  many  other  places. 

*  The  pope,  pretending  to  have  the  power  of  the  keys,  is 
called  janitor  ecclesia;.  The  tiara  or  triple  crown  is  a  badge  of 
papal  dignity. 

t  Cerberus  hfec  ingens  latratu  regna  trifauci 

Personat jEneis  vi.  417. 

t  Many  bad  as  well  as  good  men  have  been  honored  with  the 
title  of  saints. 

§  Persons  are  said  to  have  a  broiling  in  their  gizzards  when 
they  stomach  any  thing  very  much. 

II  Caf.ras  sanas  sanus  nemo  promittet,  nunquam  enim  sine 
febre  sunt.  Varro  ii.  3,  5.  Columella  says  they  are  extremely 
sickly.  And  Plutarch  ii.  p.  290,  that  they  are  subject  to  epilep- 
•les.     J!  the  notes  on  Varro,  it  is  observed  that  the  learned  Co 


Canto  u.]  HUDIBRAS  399 

For  tho'  the  whore  bends  liereticks 

With  flames  of  fire,  like  crooked  sticks,* 

Our  schismatics  so  vastly  differ, 

Th'  hotter  they  're  they  grow  the  stiffer  ; 

Still  setting  off  their  sp'ritual  goods,  67i 

With  fierce  and  pertinacious  feuds : 

For  zeal's  a  dreadful  termagant. 

That  teaches  saints  to  tear  and  rant. 

And  independents  to  profess 

The  doctrine  of  dependences  ;  68C 

Turns  meek,  and  secret,  sneaking  ones,t 

To  raw-heads  fierce,  and  bloody-bones ; 

And  not  content  with  endless  quarrels 

Against  the  wicked,  and  tlieir  morals, 

The  GibeHines,  for  want  of  Guelfs,t  685 

Divert  their  rage  upon  themselves. 

For  now  the  war  is  not  between 

The  brethren  and  the  men  of  sin. 

But  saint  and  saint  to  spill  the  blood 

Of  one  another's  brotherhood,  690 

Where  neither  side  can  lay  pretence 

To  hberty  of  conscience,"^ 

Or  zealous  suff'ring  for  tdo  caiwe* 

To  gain  one  groat's  worth  of  appiause. 

For  tho'  endur'd  with  resohition,  695 

'Twill  ne'er  amount  to  persecution  ; 

Shall  precious  saints,  and  secret  ones, 

Break  one  another's  outward  bones, |1 

And  eat  the  flesh  of  brethren, 

Instead  of  kings  and  miglity  men  ?  700 

teler  was  suckled  by  a  she-goat ;  and  in  consequence  was  a 
valetudinary  through  life,  subject  to  melancholy,  and  scarcely 
ever  without  a  fever. 

*  The  pope  of  Rome  is,  by  some,  thought  to  be  the  same  with 
the  whore  of  Babylon  mentioned  in  the  Revelation :  and  the 
Romanists  are  said  to  have  attempted  the  conversion  of  infidels 
by  means  of  fire  and  fagots,  as  men  made  crooked  sticks  straight 
by  fire  and  steam. 

t  In  some  editions  we  have  a  better  reading  thus . 
Turns  meek,  and  sneaking  secret  ones. 

t  These  names  of  distinction  were  first  made  use  of  at  Pis- 
toia,  where,  when  the  magistrates  expelled  the  Panzatichi,  there 
chanced  to  be  two  brothers,  Germans,  one  of  whom,  named 
Guelph,  was  for  the  pope,  the  other,  Gibel,  for  the  emperor. 
The  spirit  of  these  parties  raged  with  violence  in  Italy  and  Ger- 
many. 

$  That  is,  not  having  granted  liberty  of  conscience. 

(I  A  sneer  upon  the  canting  abuse  of  scripture  phrases,  alluding 
to  Psalm  ii.  v.  9 ;  thus  again  1.  328  of  this  canto  :  the  same  may 
be  said  of  lines  326  and  700. 


100  HrJDlBRA.S.  [Part  in. 

When  fiends  agree  among  themselves,* 

Shall  they  be  found  the  greater  elves  ?t 

When  Bell's  at  union  with  the  Dragon, 

And  Baal  Peor  friends  vi'ith  Dagon  ; 

When  savage  bears  agree  with  bears,t  705 

Shall  secret  ones  lug  saints  by  th'  ears, 

And  not  atone  their  fatal  wrath..§ 

When  common  danger  threatens  both  ? 

Shall  mastiffs,  by  the  collars  puU'd, 

Engag'd  with  bulls,  let  go  their  hold  ;  710 

And  saints,  whose  necks  are  pawn'd  at  stake, || 

No  notice  of  the  danger  take  ; 

But  tho'  no  pow'r  of  heaven  or  hell 

Can  pacify  fanatic  zeal. 

Who  would  not  guess  there  might  bo  hopes,  715 

The  fear  of  gallowses  and  ropes 

Before  their  eyes  miglit  reconcile 

Their  animosities  a  while. 

At  least  until  they  'ad  a  clear  stage. 

And  equal  freedom  to  engage,  720 

Without  the  danger  of  surprise 

By  both  our  common  enemies  ?ir 

This  none  but  we  alone  could  doubt,** 
Who  understood  their  workings-out, 
And  know  'em  both  in  soul  and  conscience,  725 

Giv'n  up  t'  as  reprobate  a  nonsensett 
As  spiritual  out-laws,  whom  the  pow'r 
Of  miracle  can  ne'er  restore. 
We,  whom  at  first  they  set  up  under, 
In  revelation  only  of  plunder,  730 

Who  since  have  had  so  many  trials 
Of  their  encroaching  self-denials,tt 

*  O  shame  to  men  !  devil  with  devil  iJamu'd 

Firm  concord  holds Paradise  Lost,  ii.  496. 

t  They,  that  is  the  saints,  see  v.  689,  697. 

% ssEvis  inter  se  convenit  ursis.        Juv.  Sat.  xv.  164. 

^  Atone,  that  is,  reconcile,  see  v.  717. 

II  That  is,  and  saints,  whose  all  is  at  stake,  as  they  are  to  be 
banged  if  things  do  not  take  a  friendly  turn.     See  v.  716. 

IT  That  is,  by  the  common  enemies  of  us  both. 

**  None  but  we  alone  could  doubt  that  the  fear  of  gallowses 
micht  reconcile  Iheir  animosities,  &c. 

tt  Given  up  to  a  state  of  reprobation  and  guidance  of  their 
own  folly,  like  persons  under  such  an  irrevocable  sentence  of 
excommunication,  that  even  their  power  of  working  miracles 
would  never  avail  to  gain  them  absolution,  and  reinstate  them. 

It  The  Independents  got  rid  of  the  Presbyterian  leaders  by  the 
Beif-denying  ordinance. 


Canto  ii.]  HUDIBRAS.  401 

That  rook'd  upon  us  with  design* 

To  out-reform  and  undermine  ; 

Took  all  our  int'rests  and  commands  735 

Perfidiously  out  of  our  hands  ; 

Involv'd  us  in  the  guilt  of  blood, 

Without  the  motive  gains  aIlovv'd,t 

And  made  us  serve  as  ministerial, 

Like  younger  sons  of  father  Belial.  740 

And  yet,  for  all  th'  inhuman  wrong 

Th'  had  done  us,  and  the  cause  so  long, 

We  never  fail'd  to  carry  on 

The  work  still,  as  we  had  begun  : 

But  true  and  faithfully  obey'd,  715 

And  neither  preach'd  them  hurt,  nor  pray'd ; 

Nor  troubled  them  to  crop  our  ears. 

Nor  hang  us,  like  the  cavaliers  ; 

Nor  put  them  to  the  charge  of  jails, 

To  find  us  pill'ries  and  cart-tails,  750 

Or  hangman's  wages,  which  the  state 

Was  forc'd  before  them,  to  be  at ; 

That  cut,  like  tallies,  to  the  stumps. 

Our  ears  for  keeping  true  accompts,t 

And  burnt  our  vessels,  like  a  new-  755 

Seal'd  peck,  or  bushel,  for  being  true  ; 

But  hand  in  hand,  like  faithful  brothers, 

Held  forth  the  cause  against  all  others, 

Disdaining  equally  to  yield 

One  syllable  of  what  we  held.  7G0 

And  though  we  differ'd  now  and  then 

'Bout  outward  things,  and  outward  men. 

Our  inward  men,  and  constant  frame 

Of  spirit  still  were  near  the  same  ; 

And  till  they  first  began  to  cant,  76i> 

And  sprinkle  down  the  covenant, 


*  That  played  the  cheat. 

t  That  is,  without  allowing  the  gains  which  were  the  motives 
to  such  actions. 

%  lailies  are  corresponding  notches  which  traders  make  on 
sticks:  they  are  planed  away  when  the  accounts  are  allowed, 
or  liquidated.  The  nieuning  seems  to  be,  the  state  before  tlie 
public  confusion  marie  us  sutTer  for  keeping  true  accounts,  or  for 
being  true,  cutting  our  ears  like  tallies,  and  branding  the  vessels 
of  our  bodies  like  a  measure  with  the  mark  fresh  upon  it:  the 
tallies  so  cut  as  keeping  true  accounts:  the  measure  so  sealed, 
or  branded,  as  being  a  true  one :  this  suits  with  the  character  of 
Lilbourn.  See  note  on  line  421.  London  and  other  towns  have 
the  power  of  e.xamining  weights  and  measures,  and  usually  put 
their  seal  upon  such  as  are  true  and  just,  which  are  thence  called 
sealed  weights,  and  sealed  measures 


402  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  m 

We  ne'er  had  call  in  any  place, 

Nor  dream'd  of  teaching  down  free  grace  ; 

But  join'd  our  gifts  perpetually, 

Against  the  common  enemy.  77C 

Although  'twas  ours,  and  their  opinion, 

Each  other's  church  was  but  a  Rimmon.* 

And  yet,  for  all  this  gospel-union, 

And  outward  shew  of  church-communion, 

They'll  ne'er  admit  us  to  our  shares  775 

Of  ruling  church,  or  state  affairs. 

Nor  give  us  leave  t'  absolve,  or  sentence 

T'  our  own  conditions  of  repentance  : 

Hut  shar'd  our  dividend  o'  th'  crown, 

We  had  so  painfully  preach'd  down  ;  780 

And  forc'd  us,  tlio'  against  the  grain, 

T'  have  calls  to  teach  it  up  again.t 

¥ov  'twas  but  justice  to  restore 

The  wrongs  we  had  receiv'd  before  ; 

And  when  'twas  held  forth  in  our  way,  785 

Wo  'ad  been  ungrateful  not  to  pay  : 

Wlio  for  the  right  we've  done  the  nation, 

Have  eam'd  our  temporal  salvation, 

And  put  our  vessels  in  a  way, 

Once  more  to  come  again  in  play :  790 

For  if  the  turning  of  us  out, 

Has  brought  this  providence  about. 

And  that  our  only  suffering 

Is  able  to  bring  in  the  king,t 


*  A  Syrian  idol.    See  2  Kings,  v.  18.    And  Paradise  Lost,  467: 
Him  followed  Eimmon,  whose  delightful  seat 
.    Was  fair  Damascus,  on  the  fertile  lianlis 
Of  Abbana  and  Pharphar,  lucid  streams. 

The  meaning  is,  that  in  our  and  their  opinion,  church  com 
munion  with  each  other  was  a  lilie  case  with  that  of  Naaman's 
bowing  himself  in  the  house  of  Rimmon,  equally  laying  both 
under  the  necessity  of  a  petition  for  pardon  :  the  Independents 
knew  that  their  tenets  were  so  opposite  to  those  of  the  Presby- 
terians, that  they  could  not  coalesce,  and  therefore  concealed 
them,  till  they  were  strong  enough  to  declare  them. 

t  I'he  Presbyterians  entered  into  several  plots  to  restore  the 
king.  For  it  was  but  justice,  said  they,  to  repair  the  injuries  we 
hii(l  received  from  the  Independents;  and  when  monarchy  was 
offered  to  be  restored  in  our  own  sense,  and  with  all  the  limita 
tions  we  desired,  it  had  been  ungrateful  not  to  consent. 

J  Many  of  the  Presbyterians,  says  Lord  Clarendon,  when 
ousted  of  their  prefernent,  or  secluded  from  their  house  of  com- 
mons by  the  Independents,  pretended  to  make  a  merit  of  it  in 
respect  of  their  loyalty.  And  some  of  them  had  the  confidence 
to  present  themselves  to  King  Charles  the  Second,  both  before 
tnd  after  his  restoration,  as  sufferers  for  the  crown ;  though  thejr 


Canto  ii.]  HUDIBRAS.  403 

What  would  our  actions  not  have  done,  795 

Had  we  been  sufFsr'd  to  go  on  ? 

And  therefore  may  pretend  t'  a  share,* 

At  least,  in  carrying  on  tli'  affair  : 

But  whether  that  be  so,  or  not. 

We  've  done  enough  to  have  it  thought,  800 

And  that's  as  good  as  if  we  'ad  done  't, 

And  easier  past  upon  account : 

For  if  it  be  but  half  deny'd, 

'Tis  half  as  good  as  justify'd. 

The  world  is  naturally  averse  805 

To  all  the  truth  it  sees  or  hears, 

But  swallows  nonsense  and  a  lie, 

With  greediness  and  gluttony  ; 

And  tho'  it  have  the  pique,  and  long, 

'Tis  still  for  something  in  the  wrong :+  810 

As  women  long  when  they  're  with  child. 

For  things  extravagant  and  wild  ; 

For  meats  ridiculous  and  fulsome. 

But  seldom  any  thing  that's  wholesome  ; 

And,  like  the  world,  men's  jobbernoles  815 

Turn  round  upon  their  ears,  the  poles  ;t 

And  what  they  're  confidently  told, 

By  no  sense  else  can  be  controll'd. 

And  this,  perhaps,  may  be  the  means 
Once  more  to  hedge  in  providence.  820 

For  as  relapses  make  diseases 
More  desp'rate  than  their  first  accesses  ; 
If  we  but  get  again  in  pow'r. 
Our  work  is  easier  than  before  ; 

And  we  more  ready  and  expert  625 

r  the  mystery,  to  do  our  part : 
We,  who  did  rather  undertake 
The  first  war  to  create,  than  make  ;§ 
And  when  of  nothing  'twas  begun,|| 


had  been  violent  sticklers  against  it:  this,  their  behavior,  onr 
poet  ridicules  in  many  places  of  this  canto 

*  To  make  out  the  grammatical  canstruction,  this  verse  must 
be  connected  with  verse  790. 

t  Pira  is  a  depraved  appetite,  or  desire  of  improper  food  to 
which  pregnant  women,  or  sickly  females,  are  sometimes  sub- 
ject. 

t  Jlen's  heads  are  turned  with  the  lies  and  nonsense  which 
they  hear,  and  attend  to.     See  v.  1008. 

^  By  creating  war,  he  means,  finding  pretences  for  it,  stirring 
up  and  fomenting  it.  By  making  war,  he  means  waging  and 
carrying  it  on. 

II  Upon  no  occasion  or  provocation. 


404  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  m. 

Rais'd  funds  as  strange,  to  carry  't  on  830 

Trepann'd  the  state,  and  fac'd  it  down, 

With  plots  and  projects  of  our  own : 

And  if  we  did  such  feats  at  first, 

What  can  we  now  we  're  better  vers'd  ? 

Who  have  a  freer  latitude  835 

Than  sinners  give  themselves,  allow'd  ; 

And  therefore  likeliest  to  bring  in, 

On  fairest  terms,  our  discipline  ; 

To  which  it  was  reveal'd  long  since 

We  were  ordain'd  by  Providence,  840 

When  three  saints'  ears,  our  predecessors. 

The  cause's  primitive  confessors,* 

B'ing  crucify'd,  the  nation  stood 

In  just  so  many  years  of  blood,t 

That,  multiply'd  by  six  express'd  845 

The  perfect  number  of  the  beast,t 

And  prov'd  that  we  must  be  the  men 

To  bring  this  work  about  agen  ; 


*  Barton,  Prynne,  and  Bastwick,  three  busy  writers  at  the 
beginning  of  the  civil  war,  were  set  in  the  pillory,  and  had  their 
ears  cropped.  Hence  the  poet  jncosely  calls  them  primitive  con- 
fessors. Tlie  severe  sentence  which  was  passed  on  tliese  per- 
sons, and  on  Leighton,  conlrilnUed  much  to  inflame  the  minds  of 
men,  and  to  incense  them  against  the  bishops,  the  star-chamber, 
and  the  government. 

t  The  civil  war  lasted  six  years,  from  1C42,  till  the  death  of 
the  king  in  1C48-9. 

t  Ailudina  to  Revelation,  ch.  xiii.  18.  "  Here  is  wisdom- 
"  Let  him  that  hath  understanding  count  the  number  of  the 
."beast:  for  it  is  the  number  of  a  man;  and  his  number  is  six 
"  hundred  threescore  and  six."  The  multiplication  of  three 
units  by  six,  gives  three  sixes,  and  the  juxtaposition  of  three 
sixes  makes  6G0,  or,  which  comes  to  the  same  thing — three  units 
placed  by  the  side  of  each  other  (111)  is  one  hundred  and 
eleven,  which,  multiplied  by  (G)  six,  is  equal  to  (6GG)  six  hun- 
dred si.\ty-six,  the  number  of  the  beast.  This  mysterious  num- 
ber and  name  e.xcited  the  curiosity  of  mankind  so  early,  that 
even  in  the  second  century,  Irenscus  started  various  conjectures 
on  the  subject.  He  snpposes  the  name  may  be  Evanthas, 
Lateinos,  Teitan,  &c.,  which  last  he  prefers.  But  he  adds,  with 
a  modesty  ill-imitated  by  later  expositors — "  Yet,  I  venture  not 
"to  pronounce  positively  conccrjiing  the  name  of  antichrist: 
"  for,  had  it  been  intended  to  be  openly  proclaimed  to  tlje  pres 
"  em  generation,  it  would  have  been  uttered  by  the  same  person 
"  who  saw  the  revelation."  Fevardent  discovered  this  number 
in  the  name  of  Martin  Luther,  which  originally,  he  says,  was 
Martin  Lauter.*- 

*  From  Fevardent's  Notes  on  Irena;us,  1.  v.  c.  30,  p.  487,  ed. 
Paris,  folio,  A.  D.  1675.  Initio  vocahatur  Martin  Lauter ;  cujus 
nommis  literas  si  Pythagorice  et  ratione  subducas  et  more  He- 
braorum  et  Gracorum  alphabetl  crescat  numcrus,  priino  mona- 


Canto  ii  ]  HUDIBRAS.  40fi 

And  those  who  laid  the  first  foundation, 
Compleat  the  thorough  reformation  :  850 

For  who  have  gifts  to  carry  on 
So  great  a  work,  but  we  alone  ? 


dam,  deinde  decadum  hinc  centuriarum,  numerus  noniinls  Bes- 

tiff,  id  est,  666,  tandem  perfectuni  comperies,  hoc  pacto. 

20 

1 

200 

100 


M 

30 

Ii 

A 

1 

A 

R 

80 

TJ 

T 

100 

r 

1 

9 

R 

N 

40 

R 

80 


300  5  10  300  1  50 
TBI  TAN 
Equal  to  606. 


I  can  make  nothing  of  Luther,  nor  of  the  Greek  alphabet :  but 
let  uie  read  Lauter,  and  make  numerals  of  the  Latin  alphabet, 
and  then  things  will  fadge  or  fit.  Other  names  applicable  to 
Antichrist,  collected  by  Fevardent  from  various  authors  are  : 

1  EvavOas  2  Aaretvoi  3  Tctrav 

4  Xpvovjial  5  Aa/x-nCTi;  G"   O  NiKrirrj; 

7  KaKos  oiriyos  8   A\i]9>]S  fiXaPcpo; 

9  JJa\at  (iaaKavo;  10  A/ii-os  aSiKo; 

11  AvTCnos  12  TcvaripiKo;. 

The  first  three  Greek  names  are  proposed  by  Irena3iis.  Fe- 
vardent prefers  Waometis  to  them  all. 

IrenEPUs's  rational  reflection  on  the  whole  is  luckily  preserved 
in  the  original  Greek  (for  in  general  only  a  barbarous  Latin  ver- 
sion of  this  father  remains)  by  Eusebius,  Ilist.  Eccl.  v.  8. 

'Yip.ui  ovv  OVK  dffOKn'^ui'£Uoy^£i'  rrcpi  tou  dvdfiaTOS  Tov  AvTi- 
XPT""  airo(paiv6ptvoi  PcpaiMTiKOJ;.  Ej  yap  eiti  avaipavhbv 
Tif)  vvv  Kaipu)  KTipvTTtaOai  rovvopa  avTov,  6t'  Ikuvov  av  i'pptOji 
TOV  Kal  t1)v  diroKaXv^iv  icooaKdros 

That  this  mark  of  Antichrist  engaged  the  attention  of  the  sec- 
taries, will  appear  by  the  following  quotation  from  the  pretended 
posthumous  works  of  Mr.  Butler,  in  the  character  of  an  assem- 
bly man.  "O  how  they  have  torn  poor  bishops'  names  to  pick 
"out  the  nimiber  666.  Little  dreaming  that  a  whole  baker's 
"dozen  of  their  own  assembly  have  that  beastly  number  in  each 
"  of  their  names ;  and  that  as  exactly  as  their  solenm  league  and 
"  covenant  consists  of  666  words."  Or  from  the  character  of  an 
hermetic  philosopher,  written  by  Butler  himself:  "By  this 
"means  they  have  found  out  who  is  the  true  owner  of  the  beast 
"in  the  apocalypse,  which  has  long  passed  for  a  stray  among 
"  the  learned  ;  what  is  the  true  product  of  066.  that  has  rung  like 
"  VVhittington's  bells  in  the  ears  of  expositors."  But  some  have 
thought  that  this  passage  alludes  not  to  the  apocalyptic,  but  to 
the  independent  beast,  and  e.xplain  it  thus  ;  "  /njust  three  years 
"of  blood,  for  the  king  .^et  up  his  standard  in  August,  1642, 
"and  the  battle  of  Naseby  was  fought  in  June,  1645,  which 
"  proved  the  deciding  battle,"  says  Ludlow,  "  the  king's  party 
"after  that  time  never  making  any  considerable  opposition, 
"  which  three  bloody  years,  thus  answering  to  three  confessors, 
"being  multiplied  by  six,  the  number  of  their  crucified  ears,  e.x- 
"  pressed  the  perfect  number  of  yeara  in  which  the  independent 
"  beast  should  prevail,  namely  18,  reckoning  from  the  com- 
''  mencement  of  the  war  to  the  restoration." 


406  HUDIBHAS.  [Part  m, 

What  churches  have  such  able  pastors, 

And  precious,  powerful,  preachiug  masters? 

Possess'd  with  absolute  dominions  855 

O'er  brethren's  purees  and  opinions, 

And  trusted  with  the  double  keys 

Of  heav'n,  and  their  warehouses  ; 

Who,  when  the  cause  is  in  distress. 

Can  furnish  out  what  sums  they  please,  860 

That  brooding  lie  in  bankers'  hands. 

To  be  dispos'd  at  their  commands  ; 

And  daily  increase  and  multiply, 

With  doctrine,  use,  and  usury  : 

Can  fetch  in  parties,  as  in  war  865 

All  other  heads  of  cattle  are. 

From  th'  enemy  of  ail  religions, 

As  well  as  high  and  low  conditions, 

And  share  them  from  blue  ribbons  down 

To  all  blue  aprons  in  the  town  ;*  870 

From  ladies  hurry'd  in  calleches, 

Witii  cornets  at  their  footmen's  breeches,t 

To  bawds  as  fat  as  mother  Nab,t 

All  guts  and  belly,  like  a  crab. 

Our  party's  great,  and  better  ty'd  875 

With  oaths,  and  trade,  than  any  side  ;§ 

Has  one  considerable  improvement, 

To  double-fortify  the  cov'nant ; 

mean  our  covenant  to  purchase]] 
Delinquents'  titles,  and  the  church's,  880 

That  pass  in  sale,  from  hand  to  hand. 
Among  ourselves,  for  current  land, 
And  rise  or  fall,  like  Indian  actions, 
According  to  the  rate  of  factions  ; 


*  Tradesmen  and  their  apprentices  took  a  very  active  part  in 
the  troubles,  both  by  preaching  and  figliling. 

t  Calleche,  calash,  or  chariot.  Cornets  were  ornaments 
whiih  servants  wore  upon  tlieir  breeches  :  though  some  critics 
would  read  coronets. 

J  Ladies  of  this  profession  are  generally  described  as  coarse  and 
fat.  The  orator  means,  that  the  leaders  of  the  faction  could 
fetch  in  parties  of  all  ranks,  from  the  highest  to  the  lowest,  from 
lady  Carlisle  to  the  lowest  mechanic  in  a  blue  apron. 

$  The  strength  of  the  Presbyterian  party  lay  in  the  covenant- 
ers, and  the  citizens. 

II  In  the  first  line,  the  word  cov'nant  is  two  syllables,  in  the 
second  line  it  is  three.* 

*  Where  one  word  ends  wiih  a  vowel,  and  the  next  begins  with  cnp,  Butlo 
tither  leaves  them  as  two  syltables,  or  contracts  them  into  one,  as  best  suits 
bit  verse.  Where  a  vowel  is  a  word  by  itself  it  is  sometimes,  pei'haps,  not 
ftekoned  in  scai\ning.    See  P.  i.  c.  li.  v.  705,  anil  P.  ii.  c.  ii.  v.  671 


Canto  ii.]  IIUDIBRAS.  407 

Our  best  reserve  for  reformation,  885 

When  new  outgoings  give  occasion  ; 

That  keeps  the  loins  of  brethren  girt, 

Their  covenant,  their  creed,  t'  assert  ;* 

And,  when  they've  pack'd  a  parliament, 

Will  once  more  try  th'  expedient :  890 

Who  can  already  muster  friends, 

To  serve  for  members  to  our  ends. 

That  represent  no  part  o'  th'  nation, 

But  Fisher's-folly  congregation  ;t 

Are  only  tools  to  our  intrigues,  895 

And  sit  like  geese  to  hatch  our  eggs  : 

Who,  by  their  precedents  of  wit, 

T'  outfast,  outloiter,  and  outsit,! 

Can  order  matters  under-hand, 

To  put  all  bus'ness  to  a  stand  ;  900 

Lay  public  bills  aside,  for  private, 

And  make  'em  one  another  drive  out  ; 

Divert  the  great  and  necessary, 

With  trifles  to  contest  and  vary  ; 

And  make  the  nation  represent,  905 

And  servo  for  us  in  parliament ; 

*  A  ly  preacher  at  Banbury  said,  "  We  know,  O  Lord,  that 
Abraham  made  a  covenant,  and  Moses  and  David  made  a  cov- 
enant, and  our  Saviour  made  a  covenant,  but  tlie  parliament's 
covenant  is  the  greatest  of  all  covenants."  The  marquis  of  Ham- 
ilton being  sent  into  Scotland  to  appease  the  troubles  there,  de- 
manded of  the  Scotch  that  they  should  renounce  the  covenant ; 
they  answered,  that  they  would  sooner  renounce  their  bap- 
tism. 

t  Jasper  Fisher,  one  of  tlie  si.x  clerks  in  chancery,  spent  his 
fortune  in  laying  out  magnificent  gardens,  and  building  a  fine 
house  ;  which,  therefore,  was  called  Fisher's  Folly.  II  was  af- 
terwards used  as  a  conventicle  ;  perhaps  of  Quakers.  See  Ful- 
ler's Worthies,  p.  197,  and  Stowe's  Survey.  The  place  where 
the  house  stood  is  now  Devonshire-s(juare,  in  the  city.  Here  is 
an  equivoque  on  the  word  represent.  It  means  either  to  stand 
in  the  place  of,  and  be  substituted  by  others,  or  to  resemble, 
and  be  like  them.  In  the  first  sense,  the  members  they  should 
pack,  would  represent  their  constituents  ;  buf  in  the  latter  sense, 
only  a  meeting  of  enthusiastic  sectaries. 

t  By  these  arts  and  methods,  the  leaders  on  the  parliament 
side  defeated  the  purposes  of  the  loyalists,  and  carried  such 
points  in  the  house  as  were  disagreeable  to  the  solder  part,  and 
indeed,  to  the  majority.  Thus  the  remonstrance  was  carried,  as 
Lord  Clarendon  says,  merely  by  the  hour  of  the  night ;  the  de- 
bates being  continued  till  two  o'clock,  and  very  many  having 
withdrawn  out  of  pure  faintness  and  disability  to  attend  the  con- 
clusion. The  bill  against  episcopacy,  and  others,  were  carried 
by  out-fasting,  and  out-sitting  those  who  opposed  it :  which 
made  Lord  Falkland  say,  that  they  who  hated  bishops,  hated 
them  worse  than  the  devil,  and  those  that  loved  them,  loverf 
them  not  so  well  as  their  own  dinners. 


403  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  in 

Cut  out  more  work  than  can  bo  dono 

In  Plato's  year,*  but  fniisli  none, 

Unless  it  be  the  bulls  of  Lonthal, 

That  ahvay-s  pass'd  for  fundamental  :t  910 

Can  set  up  grandee  against  grandee, 

To  squander  time  away,  and  bandy  ; 

Make  lords  and  commoners  lay  sieges 

To  one  another's  privileges  : 

And,  rather  than  compound  the  quarrel,  915 

Engage,  to  th'  inevitable  peril 

Of  both  their  ruins,  th'  only  scope 

And  consolation  of  our  hope  ; 

Who,  tho'  we  do  not  play  the  game, 

Assist  as  much  by  giving  aim  ;|  920 

Can  introduce  our  ancient  arts, 

For  heads  of  factions  t'  act  their  parts  ; 

Know  what  a  leading  voice  is  worth, 

A  seconding,  a  third,  or  fourth  ; 

How  much  a  casting  voice  comes  to,  925 

That  turns  up  trump  of  Ay,  or  No  ; 

And,  by  adjusting  all  at  th*^  end, 

Share  ev'ry  one  his  dividend. 

An  art  that  so  much  study  cost. 

And  now's  in  danger  to  be  lost,  930 

Unless  our  ancient  virtuosos, 

That  found  it  out,  get  into  th'  houses. 

These  are  the  courses  that  we  took 

To  carry  things  by  hook  or  crook, § 


*  The  Platonic  year,  or  time  reqiiirei]  for  a  complete  revela- 
tion of  the  entire  machine  of  the  worlii,  has  by  some  been  made 
to  consist  of  4000  common  years;  others  have  thoucht  it  must 
extend  to  2(5,000,  or  still  more.  Magnus  annus  turn  efficitur,  cum 
solis,  etiuna;,  ct  quinque  errantium,  adeandem  inter  se  compara- 
tionein  confectis  omniuir.  spatiis  est  facta  con  versio.  QuiBquain 
onga  sit,  magna  qu<pstio  est.     Cic-ro  de  Nat.  Deor.  ii.  20. 

t  The  ordinances  pubUshed  by  the  house  of  commons  were 
signed  by  Lenthal  the  speaker  and  are  therefore  called  the 
bulls  of  Lenthal.  They  may  be  termed  fundamentals,  because 
many  of  them  were  issued  by  order  of  the  rump  parliameat. 

t  Ur  in  the  bowler's  phrase,  by  ifioing  ground. 

<ji  Crook  and  Button  were  the  only  judjjes  who  dissented  from 
their  brethren,  when  the  case  of  ship-money  was  argued  in  the 
exchequer:  which  occasioned  the  wajrs  to  say  that  the  king 
carried  it  by  Hook,  but  not  by  Crook:  Dr.  Grey  on  the  passage; 
but  the  saying  is  of  much  older  date,  and  only  applied  as  a  p:in 
by  Butler,  and  the  wits  of  the  reipn  of  Charles  the  First.  We 
find  it  used  by  Skelton,  and  by  Spenser  frequently,  B.  v.  c.  i. 
<t.  27  : 

'  Tho  v/hich  her  sire  had  scrapt  by  hooke  and  crooke ;" 


Canto  n.J  HUDIBRAS.  409 

And  practis'd  down  from  forty-four,  935 

Until  they  turn'd  us  out  of  door  :* 

Besides  the  herds  of  Boutefeus 

We  set  on  work,  without  the  house, 

When  ev'ry  knight  and  citizen 

Kept  legislative  journeymen,  040 

To  bring  them  in  intelligence, 

From  all  points  of  the  rabble's  sens<:^, 

And  fill  the  lobbies  of  both  houses 

With  politic  important  buzzes  ; 

Set  up  committees  of  cabals, t  045 

To  pack  designs  without  the  walls  ; 

Examine  and  draw  up  all  news. 

And  fit  it  to  our  present  use  ; 

Agree  upon  the  plot  of  the  farce, 

And  ev'ry  one  his  part  rehearse  ;  05O 

Make  Q's  of  answers,  to  way-lay 

What  th'  other  party's  like  to  say  ;|: 

What  repartees,  and  smart  reflections, 

Shall  be  return'd  to  all  objections  ; 

And  who  shall  break  the  master  jest,  053 

And  what,  and  how,  upon  the  rest ; 

Help  pamphlets  out,  with  safe  editions, 

Of  proper  slanders  and  seditions. 

And  treason  for  a  token  send. 

By  letter,  to  a  country  friend  ;  060 

Disperse  lampoons,  the  only  wit 

That  men,  like  burglary  commit, 

With  falser  than  a  padder's  face, 

That  all  its  owner  does  betrays  ; 

Who  therefore  dares  not  trust  it,  when  965 

He's  in  his  calling,  to  be  seen.§ 

and  again,  B.  iii.  c.  i.  st.  17 : 

"  In  hopes  her  to  attaine  by  hooke  or  crooke." 

(The fact  is,  that  hook  is  the  same  as  crook.  See  our  old  diction- 
aries. The  oricrinal  meaning,  therefore,  was,  either  in  one  form 
or  the  other.     Todd.     Minshew  explains  it  per  fas  aut  nefas.] 

*  From  the  time  of  the  sell-denyinw  ordinance,  1644,  when  the 
Preshyterians  were  turned  nut  frum  all  places  of  profit  and  pow- 
er; till  December  7.  1648.  when  they  were  turned  out  of  the  par- 
liaiiierithouse  by  Colonel  Pride,  forty-one  members  seized  by  the 
soldiers,  and  one  hundred  and  si.xty  excluded. 

t  The  poet  probably  alludes  to  the  ministers  of  Charles  tho 
Second,  the  initials  of  whose  names  made  up  the  word  cabal, 
Clifiiird,  Ashley,  Buckin<?han),  Arlington,  t.auiieniale. 

t  Prisorusrs  in  Newgate,  and  other  jails,  have  often  sham- 
examinations,  to  prepare  them  with  answers  for  their  real  trials. 

$  Padders,  or  highwaymen,  frequently  cover  their  faces  with 
•  mask  or  piece  of  crape. 

18 


410  HUDIBRAS.  fPART  IB 

Disperse  the  dung  on  barren  earth, 

To  bring  new  weeds  of  discord  forth  ; 

Be  sure  to  keep  up  congregations, 

In  spite  of  law  and  proclamations  •  070 

For  charlatans  can  do  no  good, 

Until  they  're  mounted  in  a  crowd 

And  when  they  're  punish'd,  all  the  hurt 

Is  but  to  fare  the  better  for't ; 

As  long  as  confessors  are  sure  975 

Of  double  pay  for  all  tli'  endure,* 

And  what  they  earn  in  persecution. 

Are  paid  t'  a  groat  in  contribution : 

Whence  some  tub-holdersforth  have  made 

In  powd'ring  tubs  their  richest  trade  ;  980 

And,  while  they  kept  their  shops  in  prison. 

Have  found  their  prices  strangely  risen.t 

Disdain  to  own  the  least  regret 

For  all  the  christian  blood  we  've  let ; 

'Twill  save  our  credit,  and  maintain  98! 

Our  title  to  do  so  again  ; 

That  needs  not  cost  one  dram  of  sense, 

But  pertinacious  impudence. 

Our  constancy  t'  our  principles, 

In  time  will  wear  out  all  things  else ;  990 

Like  marble  statues,  rubb'd  in  pieces 

*  Alluding  to  the  three  persons  before-nien tinned,  Burton, 
Prynne,  and  Bastwick,  who,  having  been  pilloried,  fined,  and  'jan- 
ishcd  to  different  parts  of  the  kingdoms,  by  the  sentence  of  the 
Star-chamber,  were  by  the  parliament  afterwards  recalled,  and 
rewarded  out  of  the  estates  of  those  who  had  punished  them. 
In  their  way  back  to  London  they  were  honored  with  loud  ac- 
clamati*  ns,  and  received  many  presents. 

silenc'd  ministers. 

That  get  estates  by  being  undone 
For  tender  conscience,  and  have  none  : 
Like  those  that  with  their  credit  drive 
A  trade  without  a  stock,  and  thrive. 

Butler's  Remains,  vol.  i.  p.  C3. 
f  Probably  powdering-tubs  here  signifies  prisons.    See  P.  iii. 
c.  iii.  1.  210.    When  any  one  is  in  a  bad  scrape,  he  is  said  to  be 
in  a  pretty  pickle.    See  P.  ii.  c.  i.  v.  366.    [Ancient  Pistol  throws 
some  light  upon  this  passage  when  he  bids  Nym 
"  to  the  spital  go. 
"  And  from  the  powdering-  tub  of  infamy 
"Fetch  forth  the  lazar  kite  of  Cressid's  kind, 
"Doll  Tearsheet  she  by  name,  and  her  espouse." 
Butler  may  mean  that  snni?  of  the  tub-holdersforth  kept  liouses 
of  ill-fame,  from  whence  the  transit  to  the  powdering-tub  was 
frequent.      Such   persons  are   also   not   unfrequently  sent   to 
prison,  and  persecution  has  ever  the  effect  of  raising  the  prices 
of  the  doctrines  of  the  persecuted.] 


Canto  II.]  HUDIBRAS.  411 

With  gallantry  of  pilgrims'  kisses  ;* 

While  those  who  turn  and  wind  their  oaths, 

Have  swell'd  and  sunk,  like  other  froths  ; 

Prevail'd  a  while,  but  'twas  not  long  933 

Before  from  world  to  world  they  swung  ; 

As  they  had  turn'd  from  side  to  side, 

And  as  the  changelings  liv'd,  they  dy'd. 

This  said,  th'  impatient  statesmonger 
Could  now  contain  himself  no  longer,t  1001 

Who  had  not  spar'd  to  shew  his  piquest 
Against  th'  haranguer's  politics. 
With  smart  remarks  of  leering  faces. 
And  annotations  of  grimaces. 

After  he  had  administer'd  a  dose§  1005 

Of  snufF  mundungus  to  his  nose, 
And  powder'd  th'  inside  of  his  skull, 
Instead  of  th'  outward  jobbemoI,|| 
He  shook  it,  with  a  scornful  look, 
On  th'  adversary,  and  thus  he  spoke  1010 

In  dressing  a  calf's  head,  altho' 
The  tongue  and  brains  together  go, 
Both  keep  so  great  a  distance  here, 
'Tis  strange  if  ever  they  come  near  ; 
For  who  did  ever  play  his  gambols  1015 

With  such  insufferable  rambles. 
To  make  the  bringing  in  the  king. 
And  keeping  of  him  out,  one  thing? 
Which  none  could  do,  but  those  that  swore 
T'  as  point-blank  nonsense  heretofore  ;  1020 

That  to  defend  was  to  invade. 
And  to  assassinate  to  aid  :'S 


*  Round  the  Casa  Santa  of  Loretto,  the  marble  is  worn  into  a 
deep  channel,  by  the  knees  and  kisses  of  the  pilgrims  and 
others.  [The  statues  both  of  gods  and  saints  have  been,  and 
are,  worn  by  the  touch  of  their  votaries  ;  of  the  former  the  knees 
were  the  suffering  parts.] 

t  As  the  former  orator,  whoever  he  was,  had  harangued  on 
the  side  of  the  Presbyterians,  his  antagonist.  Sir  Anthony  Ash- 
ley Cooper,  now  smartly  inveighs  agair.ct  them,  and  justifies  the 
principles  and  conduct  of  the  Independents. 

t  His  aversion  or  antipathy. 

Ci  Some  editions  read,  ministered  a  dose. 

II  That  is,  thick  skull,  stupid  head,  from  the  Flemish,  jobbq 
insulsus,  ignavus,  and  the  Ang.  Sax.  cnoll,  vertex. 

ir  This  alludes  to  Ralph,  who  was  charged  with  intention  td 
kill  the  king  when  imprisoned  in  the  isle  of  Wight.  Lord  Cla- 
rendon, vol.  iii.  p.  180,  intimates  that  sergeant  Wild,  who  was 
sent  to  Winchester  to  try  the  prisoner,  gave  an  unfair  charge  to 
the  jury,  by  saying  :  "  There  was  a  time  indeed  when  intentions 
"and  Words  were  made  treason  ;  but  God  forbid  it  should  bs  u« 


412  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  in. 

Unless,  because  you  drove  him  out, 

And  that  was  never  made  a  doubt ; 

No  pow'r  is  able  to  restore  1025 

And  bring  him  in,  but  on  your  score  ; 

A  sp'ritual  doctrine,  that  conduces 

Most  properly  to  all  your  uses. 

'Tis  true,  a  scorpion's  oil  is  said 

To  cure  the  wounds  the  vermin  made  ;*  1030 

And  weapons,  dress'd  with  salves,  restore 

And  heal  the  hurts  they  gave  before  :t 

But  whether  presbyterians  have 

So  much  good  nature  as  the  salve, 

Or  virtue  in  them  as  the  vermin,  1035 

Those  who  have  try'd  them  can  determine. 

Indeed  'tis  pity  you  should  miss 

Th'  arrears  of  all  your  services. 

And  for  th'  eternal  obligation 

Y'  have  laid  upon  th'  ungrateful  nation,  1040 

B'  us'd  so  unconscionably  hard. 

As  not  to  find  a  just  reward, 

For  letting  rapine  loose,  and  murther. 

To  rage  just  so  far,  but  no  further  ;% 

And  setting  all  the  land  on  fire,  1045 

To  burn  t'  a  scantling,  but  no  higher : 

For  vent'ring  to  assassinate. 

And  cut  the  throats  of  church  and  state  ; 

And  not  be  aliow'd  the  fittest  men 

To  take  the  charge  of  both  agen:  1050 


"  now :  how  did  anybody  know  but  that  those  two  men,  Osborne 
"  and  Doiicet,  would  have  made  away  with  the  kins;,  and  that 
"  Ralph  charged  his  pistol  to  preserve  him."  Perhaps  the  noble 
historian  here  shows  something  of  party  spirit. 

*  Dr.  Mead,  in  his  Essay  on  Poisons,  says,  viper-catchers,  if 
they  happen  to  be  bitten  by  a  viper,  are  so  sure  of  being  cured  by 
rubbing  the  fat  upon  the  place,  that  they  fear  a  bite  no  more  than 
they  do  the  prick  of  a  pin.  The  Doctor  himself  tried  it  upon 
dogs,  and  found  it  a  sure  remedy.  He  supposes  the  fat  to  involve, 
and,  as  it  were,  sheath  the  volatile  salts  of  the  venom.  Prodesi 
scorpius  ipse  sua;  plags  impositus.  Pliny  in  his  Natural  History 
29.  '-'9. 

t  According  to  Sir  Kenelm  Digby's  doctrine  of  sympathy. 

i  Though  the  Presbyterians  began  the  war,  yet  they  pretend- 
ed Ihey  had  no  thoughts  of  occasioning  the  bloodshed  and  de- 
vastation which  was  consequent  upon  it.  They  intended  to 
bring  the  king  to  reason,  not  to  murder  him.  But  it  happened  to 
them,  as  to  the  young  magician  in  Lucian,  who.  by  certain  words 
he  had  learned  of  his  master,  sent  a  fountain  to  fetch  water ; 
The  poor  scholar,  however,  not  recollecting  the  words  to  make 
il  stop,  the  fountain  went  and  fetched  water  without  ceasing, 
{ill  it  filled  the  house  up  to  the  windows.  A  similar  ta'.e  is  ro 
Lated  in  verse  by  several  poets,  both  French  and  English. 


Canto  ii.]  HUDIBRAS.  413 

Especially  that  have  the  grace 

Of  self-aenyiiig  gifted  face  ; 

Who,  when  your  projects  have  miscarry'd, 

Can  lay  them,  with  iindauuted  forehead, 

On  those  you  painfully  trepaun'd,  1055 

And  sprinkled  in  at  second  hand  ; 

As  we  have  heen,  to  share  the  guilt 

Of  christian  blood,  devoutly  spilt  ;* 

For  so  our  ignorance  was  flamm'd 

To  damn  ourselves,  t'  avoid  being  damn'd  J+  106& 

Till  finding  your  old  foe,  the  hangman. 

Was  like  to  lurch  you  at  backgammon,t 

And  win  your  necks  upon  the  sot, 

As  well  as  ours,  who  did  but  bet ; 

For  he  had  drawn  your  ears  before,  1065 

And  nick'd  them  on  the  self-same  score, 

We  throw  the  box  and  dice  away, 

Before  y'  had  lost  us  at  foul  play ; 

And  brought  you  down  to  rook  and  lie, 

And  fancy  only  on  the  by  ;§  1070 

Redeem'd  your  forfeit  jobbernoles. 

From  perching  upon  lofty  poles, 

And  rescu'd  all  your  outward  traitors, 

From  hanging  up,   like  alligators  ;|] 

For  which  ingeniously  ye  've  sh£w'd  1075 

Your  presbyterian  gratitude  ; 

Would  freely  have  paid  us  home  in  kind. 


*  The  war  was  bepnnand  carried  on  by  the  Presbyterians  with 
a  great  show  of  godliness,  for  ihe  sake  of  relij;ion,and  '.i  defence 
of  the  gospel. 

t  To  coniniit  stich  damnable  sins  as  robbery,  rebellion,  and 
murder,  with  a  -,iew  of  keeping  out  Arminianisni,  popery,  &c., 
which  we  were  made  to  believe  were  likely  to  overspread  the 
kingdom,  and  would  be  destructive  to  our  salvation.  Thus  Mar- 
tial, Epig.  lib.  ii.  80 : 

Hostem  cum  fugeret,  se  Fannius  ipse  peremit 
Hie,  rogo,  non  furor  est,  ne  moriare,  niori  1 

t  Finding  the  king  was  likely  to  get  the  better  of  you,  and 
that  we  were  all  in  danger  of  being  hanged  as  traitors,  we  took 
the  war  from  your  hands  into  our  own  management. 

§  By-heU  are  bets  made  beside  the  game,  often  by  standers- 
by  :  the  Presbyterians,  from  being  principals  in  the  cause,  were 
reduced  to  mai<e  a  secondary  figure,  and  from  playing  the  game 
became  lookers-on. 

II  Alligators  were  frequently  hung  up  in  shops  of  quacks, 
druggists,  and  apothecaries.  Thus  Eomeo  says  of  the  Apothe- 
lary: 

And  in  his  needy  shop  a  tortoise  hang, 
An  alligator  stuft,  and  other  skins 
Of  lll-shap'd  fishes. 


414  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  m. 

And  not  have  been  one  rope  behind.* 

Those  were  your  motives  to  divide, 

And  scruple,  on  the  otiier  side,t  1081 

To  turn  your  zealous  frauds,  and  force, 

To  fits  of  conscience  and  remorse  ; 

To  be  convinc'd  tiiey  were  in  vain, 

And  face  about  for  new  again  ; 

For  truth  no  more  unveil'd  your  eyes,  10£5 

Than  maggots  are  convinc'd  to  flies  ;t 

\nd  therefore  all  your  lights  and  calls 

Are  but  apocryphal  and  false. 

To  charge  us  with  the  consequences, 

Of  all  your  native  insolences,  1090 

That  to  your  own  imperious  wills 

Laid  law  and  gospel  neck  and  heels  ;§ 

Corrupted  the  Old  Testament, 

To  serve  the  New  for  precedent ; 


*  The  Dissenters,  when  in  power,  were  no  enemies  to  perse- 
cution. See  Dissenters'  Sayings,  by  Sir  Roger  L'Estrange,  Second 
Part,  printed  1G81.  Edwards,  in  his  Full  Answer,  p.  244,  says  : 
"  A  toleration  of  one  or  more  different  ways  of  churches  and 
"church  government  established,  will  be  to  tliis  kingdom  very 
"mischievous,  pernicious,  and  destructive."  Eove,  in  his  ser- 
mon at  U-tbridae,  January  30, 1644,  p.  20 :  "I  have  often  thought 
"  that  too  much  mercy  towards  malignants  hath  made  more  de- 
"  linquents  than  ever  justice  punished."  Marshall,  to  the  com- 
mons, February  23.  1641:  "He  is  a  cursed  man  tliat  withholds 
"his  hand  from  shedding  of  blood;  or  shall  do  it,  as  Saul  did 
"against  the  Anialekites,  kill  some,  and  save  some."  And  Bax- 
ter, in  his  Preface  to  the  Nonconf jrmists'  Plea,  "Liberty,  in  all 
"matters  of  worship  and  of  faith,  is  the  open  and  apparent  way 
"to  set  up  popery  in  the  land."  Calamy  being  asked,  what  he 
would  do  with  iho<e  who  differed  from  him  in  opinion,  said, 
"He  would  not  meddle  with  their  consciences,  only  with  their 
"persons  and  estates." 

t  He  tells  the  Presbyterians,  that  their  jealousy  of  the  Indepen- 
dents caused  them  to  discontinue  their  exertions,  not  any  convic- 
tion of  their  having  been  in  the  wrong. 

t  The  cliange  was  produced  in  them  merely  by  the  course  of 
their  nature.    The  edition  of  1710  reads : 

Than  maggots  when  they  turn  to  flies. 

$  Some  persons  have  sought  for  a  system  of  natural  philoso- 
phy in  the  Old  Testament,  ''inter  viva  quaerentes  mortua,"  ai 
Lord  Bacon  says:  who  wisely  adds  "  lantoque  migis  hac  vani 
"  tas  inhibenda  venit.  et  coercenda,  quia  ex  divinoruni  et  huma 
"noruni  malesana  admistione,  non  solum  educitur  philosophia 
"  pliantastica,  sed  etiam  religio  h^retica."  Novum  Organum, 
sect.  Ixv.  Others  have  there  found,  or  thought  they  found,  the 
Bublimest  doctrines  of  Christianity.  The  famous  Postellus  ob- 
served, that  there  were  eleven  thousand  proofs  of  the  Trinity 
in  the  Old  Testament,  interpreted  rightly,  that  is,  cri-'fioXoyiyiJtwf, 
(ca6€:z\ts-iK.ws. 


Canto  II.]  HUDIBRAS.  416 

T'  amend  its  errors  and  defects,  1005 

With  murder  and  rebellion  texts  ;* 

Of  wliich  there  is  not  any  one 

In  all  the  book  to  sow  upon ; 

And  therefore,  from  your  tribe,  the  Jews 

Held  christian  doctrine  forth,  and  use;  tlOO 

As  Mahomet,  your  chief,  began 

To  mix  them  in  the  Alcoran  ;t 

Denounc'd  and  pray'd,  with  fierce  devotion, 

And  bended  elbows  on  the  cushion ; 

Stole  from  the  beggars  all  your  tones,  1105 

And  gifted  mortifying  groans  ; 

Had  lights  where  better  eyes  were  blind. 

As  pigs  are  said  to  see  the  wind  ;t 

Fill'd  Bedlam  with  predestination, 

And  Knightsbridge  with  illumination  ;§  1110 

Made  children,  with  your  tones,  to  run  for't. 

As  bad  as  Bloodybones  or  Lunsford.|| 


*  The  Presbyterians,  he  says,  finding  no  countenance  for  their 
purposes  in  the  New  Testament,  took  their  measures  of  obedience 
from  some  instances  of  rebellion  in  the  Old.  The  Presbyterian 
printer,  who  printed  the  seventh  commandment.  Thou  shall 
commit  adultery,  was  heavily  fined  for  his  blunder. 

t  In  his  Pindaric  Ode  upon  an  liypocritical  non-conformist, 
Remains,  vol.  i.  p.  1.35,  Mr.  ISatler  says  : 

For  the  Turks'  patriarcli,  JIahomet, 

Was  the  first  great  reformer,  and  the  chief 

Of  th'  ancient  christian  belief. 

That  mix'd  it  with  new  light  and  cheat, 

With  revelations,  dreams,  and  visions. 

And  apostolic  superstitions. 

To  be  held  forth,  and  carry'd  on  by  war: 

And  his  successor  was  a  presbyter. 

t  Pigs  have  remarkable  small  eyes,  and  yet  are  said  to  be  very 
sagacious  in  foretelling  wind  and  weatlier.  Thus,  in  a  poem 
entitled  Hudibras  at  Court,  we  read  : 

And  now,  as  hogs  can  see  the  wind. 
And  storms  at  distance  coming  find. 

This  observation  occurs  three  times  in  the  books  falsely  called 
the  Posthumous  Works  of  Wr.  Samuel  Butler,  4th  edition,  1732. 
Plutarch  reni;»rks  a  jieculiarity  in  ]n»s'  eyes.  They  are  so  situa- 
ted and  constructed,  that  tlie  animal  cannot  look  upwards,  and 
never  hath  a  view  of  the  heavens  till  he  is  thrown  upon  his 
back,  and  tlien,  clamorous  as  he  is,  astonishment  and  terror  si- 
lence liim  in  an  instant. 

$  At  this  village,  near  London,  was  a  famous  mad-house,  to 
which  the  poet  alludes. 

II  Frightened  children  as  mucli  by  your  preaching,  as  if  you 
had  told  them  the  dismal  story  of  Rawhead  and  Bloody-bones, 
or  had  related  to  them  the  cruelties  which  you  alTirm  were 
practised  by  Colonel  Lunsford.  Colonel  Lunsford,  killed  at 
Biistol,  1643,  was  a  man  of  great  sobriety,  industry,  and  coinage 


416  HUDIBRAS  [Part  m 

While  women,  great  with  child,  miscarrjr'd. 

For  being  to  maiignants  marry'd : 

Transfonn'd  all  wives  to  Daliiahs,  1113 

Whose  husbands  were  not  for  the  cause  ;* 


but  his  enemies  pointed  him  as  a  cruel  brute.  Sir  Thomas 
Lun-fiird  \v;is  iii.ule  liemenant  of  the  Tower  liy  the  king,  a  little 
before  the  beginning  of  the  war:  but  afterwards  removed  by 
him  at  the  desire  of  the  parliament.  An  order  was  made  in 
the  parliament  fur  suppressing  Lunsfordand  Lord  Digliy,  though 
at  the  same  time  all  the  cavalry  they  had  was  an  hired  coach 
and  si.\  horses.  In  the  third  act  of  Sir  Robert  Howard's  comedy 
of  The  Committee,  tlie  first  bailiff' says  : 

O  !  'tis  a  bloody-minded  man  ! 

I'll  warrant  you  this  vile  cavalier  has  eat  many  a  child. 

[Dr.  Grey  says  :  It  was  one  of  the  artifices  of  themalecontents 
in  the  civil  war  to  raise  false  alarms,  and  to  till  the  people  full 
of  frightful  apprehensions.  In  particular  they  raised  a  terrible 
outer)'  of  the  imaginary  danger  they  conceived  from  the  Lord 
Digby,  and  Colonel  Lunsford.  Lilboiirn  glories  upon  his  trial,  for 
being  an  incendiary  on  such  occasions,  and  mentions  the  tumult 
he  raised  against  the  innocent  colonel  as  a  meritorious  action; 
"  1  was  once  arraigned,"  says  he,  "  before  the  house  of  peers, 
"for  sticking  close  to  the  liberties  and  privileges  of  this  nation, 
"  and  those  that  stood  for  them,  being  one  of  those  two  or  three 
"men  that  tirst  drew  their  swords  in  Westminster-hall  against 
"Colonel  Lunsford,  and  some  scores  of  his  associates.  At  that 
"time  it  was  supposed  they  intended  to  cut  the  throats  of  the 
"  chiefest  men  tlien  sitting  in  the  house  of  peers."  And  to  ren- 
der him  the  more  odious,  they  reported  that  he  was  of  so  brutal 
an  appetite  that  he  would  eat  children,  (Echard's  History  of 
England,  vol.  ii.  p.  28li,)  which  scandalous  insinuation  is  de 
servedly  ridiculed  in  the  following  lines: 

From  Fielding,  and  from  Vavasour, 
Both  ill-affected  men  ; 

From  Lunsford  eke  deliver  us, 
That  eateth  up  children. 
The  Parliament  Hymns,  Collection  of  Loyal  Songs, 

vol.  i.  No.  xvii.  p.  38. 

Cleveland  banters  them  upon  the  siinie  head : 

The  post  that  came  from  Banbury, 

Riding  in  a  blue  rocket. 
He  swore  he  smw,  when  Lunsford  fell, 
A  child's  arm  in  his  pocket. 
And  to  make  this  gentleman  the  more  detestable,  they  mads 
horrid  pictures  of  him,  as  we  learn  from  the  tiillowing  lines  of 
Wr.  Cleveland  :  Rupertismus,  Works,  1(177,  p.  07: 
"They  fear  tire  giblets  of  his  train,  they  fear 
"  Even  his  dog,  that  four-legg'd  cavalier; 
"  He  that  devours  the  scraps  which  Lunsford  makes, 
"  WLose  picture  feeds  upon  a  cliild  in  stakes." 
Mr.  Gayton,  in  banter  of  this  idle  opinion,  (see  Notes  on  Don 
Quixote,  book  iii.  chiip.  vi.  p.  103,)  calls  Saturn  the  very  Luns* 
ford  of  the  deities.] 
*  If  the  husband  sided  not  with  the  Presbyterians,  his  wifa 


Canto  uJ  HUDIBRAS.  417 

And  turn'd  the  men  to  ten-horn'd  cattle, 

Because  they  came  not  out  to  battle  ;* 

Made  tailors'  'prentices  turn  heroes, 

For  fear  of  being  transforni'd  to  MeroZj'f  1120 

And  rather  forfeit  their  indentures, 

Than  not  espouse  the  saints'  adventures: 

Could  transubstantiate,  metamorphose, 

And  charm  whole  herds  of  beasts,  like  Orpheus  ;t 

Enchant  the  king's  and  church's  lands,  1123 

T'  obey  and  follow  your  commands, 

And  settle  on  a  new  freehold. 

As  Marcle-hill  had  done  of  old  :§ 

Could  turn  the  cov'nant,  and  translate 

The  gospel  into  spoons  and  plate  ;  1130 

Expound  upon  all  merchants'  cashes. 

And  open  th'  intricatest  places  ; 

Could  catechize  a  money-box. 

And  prove  all  pouches  orthodox  ; 


■was  represented  as  insuiious  and  a  betrayer  of  her  country's 
interest,  such  as  Dalilah  was  to  Samson  and  the  Israelites. 
Judges  xvi. 

*  Resembled  them  to  the  ten  horns,  or  ten  kings,  who  gave 
their  power  and  strength  to  the  beast.  Revelation,  xvii.  12. 
See  also  Daniel  vii.  v.  7.  A  cnckold  is  called  a  horned  beast; 
a  notorious  cuckold  may  be  called  a  ten-horned  beast,  there 
being  no  beast  known  with  more  horns  than  the  beast  in  vision. 

t  "Curse  ye  Meroz,"  said  the  angel  of  the  Lord  ;  "  Curse  ye 
"bitterly  the  inhabitants  thereof;  because  they  came  not  to  the 
"  help  of  the  Lord  -against  the  mighty."  Judges  v.  23.  This 
was  a  favorite  text  with  those  who  preached  for  the  parlia- 
ment :  and  it  assisted  them  much  in  raising  recruits. 

J  Mulcentem  tigres,  et  agentem  carmine  quercus. 

Georg.  iv.  510. 

§  Not  far  from  Ledbury,  in  Herefordshire,  toward  the  conflux 
of  the  Lug  and  Wye,  in  the  parish  of  Mnrcle,  is  a  hill,  which  in 
the  year  1575  mo ;ed  to  a  considerable  distance.  Philips  in  his 
Cider,  (p.  12,  1.  801,  ed.  Dunster,)  speaking  of  Marcle-hill,  says : 

Deceitful  ground,  who  knows  but  that  once  more 
The  mount  may  journey,  and  his  present  site 
Forsaking,  to  thy  neighbours'  bounds  transfer 
The  goodly  plants,  a(i()rding  matter  strange 
For  law  debates 

Camden,  in  his  Life  of  Queen  Elizabeth,  book  ii.  p.  20,  thinks 
the  motion  was  occasioned  by  an  earthquake,  which  he  calls 
brasniatia;  though  the  cause  of  it  more  probably  was  a  sub- 
terraneous current.  Some  houses  and  a  chapel  were  over- 
turned. I  remember  an  accident  of  this  kind  which  happe-"' 
near  Grafton,  on  the  side  of  Bredon-hill.  and  another  n 
Broseley  in  Shropshire.  A  similar  phenomenon  was  observed 
at  Fj'oge,  in  Judea,  in  the  time  of  king  Uzziah,  and  is  recorded 
by  Josephus,  lib.  ix.  cap.  11. 

18* 


418  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  iii. 

Until  the  cause  became  a  Damon,  IJIS 

And  Pythias  the  wicked  Miimmon.* 

And  yet,  in  spite  of  all  your  charms 
To  conjure  legions  up  in  arms. 
And  raise  more  devils  in  the  rout 
Than  e'er  y'  were  able  to  cast  out,  1140 

Y'  have  been  reduc'd,  and  by  those  fools, 
Bred  up,  you  say,  in  your  own  schools, 
Who,  tho'  but  gifted  at  your  feet,t 
Have  made  it  plain  they  have  more  wit, 
By  whom  you've  been  so  oft'  trepanu'd,  1145 

And  held  forth  out  of  all  command : 
Out-gifted,  out-impuls'd,  out-done. 
And  out-reveal'd  at  carryings-on  ; 
Of  all  your  dispensations  worm'd, 
Out-providenc'd  and  out-reforra'd  ;  1150 

Ejected  out  of  church  anci  state, 
And  all  things  but  the  people's  hate  ; 
And  spirited  out  of  th'  enjoyments 
Of  precious,  edifying  employments, 

*  Until  Mammon  and  the  cause  were  as  closely  united,  and 
as  dear  friends  as  Damon  and  Pythias,  two  persons  whose 
friendship  is  celebrated  hy  Plutarch,  Valerius  Maxiunis,  and 
others.  In  Jamblichus's  Life  of  Pythagoras,  No.  234,  this  story 
is  related  at  length  from  Aristoxenus,  wlio  heard  it  from  the 
mouth  of  Dionysius  himself,  the  tyrant  concerned,  after  he  was 
dispossessed  of  the  sovereignty,  and  became  a  schoolmaster  at 
Corinth.  As  it  rests  upon  better  authority  than  such  narratives 
in  general  can  appeal  to,  it  is  here  abridged  for  the  amusement 
of  the  reader.  Though  I  must  first  observe,  that  the  true  name 
of  one  of  those  friends  was  not  Pythias,  but  Phintias.  See 
Porphyr.  in  vita  Pythagoroe.  ult.  p.  53,  ed.  Knster.  Tull.  de  Offic. 
iii.  10,  and  Lactantius,  v.  17. — The  courtiers  of  Dionysius  the 
younger,  tyrant  of  Sicily,  contended  in  his  presence  that  the 
boasted  virtues  of  the  Pythagoreans,  their  determined  spirit, 
their  apathy,  their  firmness  in  friendship,  were  all  mere  illusions, 
which  would  vanish  on  the  first  ajipearance  of  danger  or  dis- 
tress. To  prove  this  assertion,  they  agreed  to  accuse  Phintias, 
one  of  the  sect,  of  a  conspiracy  against  the  snvereign.  He  was 
summoned  before  the  tyrant,  who  informed  him  of  the  charge, 
and  to  his  great  surprise  added,  that  there  was  the  fullest  evi- 
dence of  his  guilt,  and  he  must  die.  Phintias  replied,  if  it  were 
so,  he  would  only  beg  the  respite  of  a  few  hours,  wLIle  he 
might  go  home  and  settle  the  common  concerns  of  his  friend 
Damon  and  himself:  in  the  mean  time,  Damon  would  be  se- 
curity for  his  appearance.  Dionysius  assented  to  the  proposal ; 
and  when  Damon  surrendered  himself  the  courtiers  all  sneered, 
concluding  that  he  was  become  the  dupe  of  his  own  credulity. 
But,  on  the  return  of  Phintias  in  tlie  evening,  to  release  his  bail, 
and  submit  to  his  sentence,  they  were  quite  astonished  ;  and 
none  more  than  the  tyrant  himself,  who  embraced  the  illustrious 
pair,  and  requested  they  would  admit  him  to  a  share  in  theil 
friendship. 

t  "  Bred  up  at  the  feet  of  Gamaliel." 


Canto  ii.]  IIUDIBRAS.  419 

By  those  who  lodg'd  their  gifts  and  graces,  1155 

Like  better  bowlers,  in  your  places  : 

All  which  3'ou  bore  with  resolution, 

Charg'd  on  th'  account  of  persecution  ; 

And  tho'  most  righteously  oppress'd, 

Against  your  wills,  still  acquiesc'd  ;  11  GO 

And  never  humm'd  and  hah'd  sedition, 

Nor  snuffled  treason,  nor  misprision  : 

That  is,  because  you  never  durst ; 

For  had  you  preach'd  and  pray'd  your  worst. 

Alas  !  you  were  no  longer  able  1163 

To  raise  your  posse  of  the  rabble ; 

One  single  redcoat  sentinel 

Outcharm'd  the  magic  of  the  spell. 

And,  with  his  squirt-fire,*  could  disperse 

Whole  troops  with  chapter  rais'd  and  verse.  117C 

We  knew  too  well  those  tricks  of  yours. 

To  leave  it  ever  in  your  powers. 

Or  trust  our  safeties,  or  undoings, 

To  your  disposing  of  outgoings. 

Or  to  your  ordering  providence,  1175 

One  farthing's  worth  of  consequence. 

For  had  you  pow'r  to  undermine, 

Or  wit  to  carry  a  design, 

Or  correspondence  to  trepan. 

Inveigle,  or  betray  one  man  ;  1190 

There's  nothing  else  that  intervenes, 

And  bars  your  zeal  to  use  the  means  ; 

And  therefore  wond'rous  like,  no  doubt, 

To  bring  in  kings,  or  keep  them  out : 

Brave  undertakers  to  restore,  118J 

That  could  not  keep  yourselves  in  pow'r  ; 

T'  advance  the  int'rests  of  the  crown. 

That  wanted  wit  to  keep  your  own. 

'Tis  true  you  have,  for  I'd  be  loth 

To  wrong  ye,  done  your  parts  in  both  ;  1190 

To  keep  him  out,  and  bring  him  in. 

As  grace  is  introduc'd  by  sin  :t 

For  'twas  your  zealous  want  of  sense, 

And  sanctify'd  impertinence  ; 

Your  carrying  bus'ness  in  a  huddle,  1195 

That  forc'd  our  rulers  to  new-model ; 

Oblig'd  the  state  to  tack  about, 

And  turn  you,  root  and  branch,  all  out ; 

*  His  musket,  so  called  in  the  tne  spirit  of  burlesque, 
t  Thus  Saint  Paul  to  the  Romans  :  "  Shall  we  continue  in  sin 
Uiat  grace  may  abound  1" 


420  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  m. 

To  refonnado,  one  and  all, 

T'  your  great  croysado  general  :*  120b 

Your  greedy  slav'ring  to  devour,t 

Before  'twas  in  your  clutches'  pow'r  ; 

That  sprung  the  game  you  were  to  set. 

Before  ye  'ad  time  to  draw  the  net : 

Your  spite  to  see  the  church's  lands  ISOA 

Divided  into  other  hands, 

And  all  your  sacrilegious  ventures 

Laid  out  in  tickets  and  debentures: 

Your  envy  to  be  sprinkled  down. 

By  under-churches  in  the  town  ;t  1210 

And  no  course  us'd  to  stop  their  mouths, 

Nor  th'  independents'  spreading  growths  : 

All  which  consider'd,  'tis  most  true 

None  bring  him  in  so  much  as  you, 

Who  have  prevail'd  beyond  their  pIots,§  1215 


*  The  parliament,  that  they  misht  not  seem  to  continue  the 
war  from  any  regard  to  their  own  interest  and  advantape,  passed 
a  vote.  Dereiiiber  9, 1644.  to  prevent  the  members  of  either  house 
from  holding  offices  in  the  state.  This  w;is  called  the  self-deny- 
ing ordinance.  The  secret  intention  of  it  was  to  lessen  the  in- 
fluence of  the  Presbyterians,  which  it  soon  effected,  by  depriving 
Essex,  their  general,  and  many  <iihers,  of  their  employments. 
He  calls  him  their  croisado  general,  because  they  pretended  to 
engage  in  the  war  chiefly  on  account  of  religion  :  the  holy  war 
against  the  Turks  and  Saracens  had  the  name  of  croisado,  from 
the  cross  displayed  on  the  banners.  The  old  annotator,  and  after 
him  Dr.  Grey,  tells  u?,  that  the  general  here  designed  was  Fair- 
fax. But  neither  the  scope  of  the  poet,  nor  the  truth  pf  history, 
will  admit  of  this  application  of  the  passage.  For  the  person 
who  speaks  is  an  Independent,  and  he  tells  the  Presbyterian  that 
the  Independents  were  obligeil  to  turn  out  the  Presbyterians  and 
their  general.  This  suits  exactly  with  Essex,  who  altogether 
espoused  the  Presbyterian  interest ;  and  was  laid  aside,  with  the 
rest  of  the  Presbyterians,  by  the  contrivance  above  mentioned. 
Whereas  Fairfax,  though  he  thought  himself  a  Presbyterian,  as 
Lord  Clarendon  says,  was  always  linked  with  the  Independents, 
and  executed  their  designs.  He  was  first  raised  to  the  command 
by  the  intrigues  of  Cromwell  and  Ireton.  because  they  knew  him 
to  be  an  easy  man,  one  who  would  submit  to  their  direction. 
Neither  is  it  true  that  Fairfax  was  dismissed.  On  the  contrary, 
he  laid  down  his  commission,  though  Cromwell,  Whitelock,  and 
the  heads  of  the  party,  desired  him  to  keep  his  command,  and  a 
solemn  conference  was  held  with  him,  the  particulars  whereof 
may  be  seen  in  Whilelock's  Memorial.  The  reader  must  con- 
stantly remember,  thcu  it  is  an  Independent  here  speaking,  de- 
fending his  sect  against  the  former  speaker,  who  was  a  Presby- 
terian. 

t  That  is,  letting  yonr  mouths  greedily  water. 

t  Your  impatience  under  the  disgrace  of  being  out-preached 
by  the  Independent  teachers. 

^  The  plots  of  the  royalists,  I  think,  are  here  meant,  though 
In  that  sense  the  passage  is  not  strictly  grainmatical. 


Canto  u.]  HUDIBRAS.  421 

Their  midnight  juntos,  and  seal'd  knots  ; 

That  thrive  more  by  your  zealous  piques, 

Than  all  their  own  rash  politics. 

And  this  way  you  may  claim  a  share 

In  carrying,  as  you  brag,  tli'  affair,  1220 

Else  frogs  and  toads,  that  croak'd  the  Jews 

From  Pharaoh  and  his  brick-kilns  loose, 

And  flies  and  mange,  that  set  them  free 

From  task-masters  and  slavery, 

Were  likelier  to  do  the  feat,  1225 

In  any  indifF'rent  man's  conceit : 

For  who  e'er  heard  of  restoration. 

Until  your  thorough  reformation  'I* 

That  is,  the  king's  and  church's  lands 

Were  sequester'd  int'  other  hands :  1230 

For  only  then,  and  not  before. 

Your  eyes  were  open'd  to  restore  ; 

And  when  the  work  was  carrying  on. 

Who  cross'd  it,  but  yourselves  alone? 

As  by  a  world  of  hints  appears,  12f>5 

Ail  plain,  and  extant,  as  your  ears.t 

But  first,  o'  th'  first :  The  isle  of  Wight 
Will  rise  up,  if  you  shou'd  deny  't ; 
Where  Henderson  and  th'  other  masses,^ 


*  The  Independent  here  charges  the  Presbyterians  with  hav 
ing  no  design  of  restoring  the  Iving,  notwithstanding  the  merit 
thev  ;iiade  of  such  intentions  after  the  restoration,  until  they 
weie  turned  out  of  all  profit  by  sale  of  the  crown  and  church 
lands,  and  that  it  was  not  their  loytilty,  but  their  disappoint- 
ment and  resentment  against  the  Independents,  that  made 
them  think  of  treating  with  the  king. 

t  May  be  spoken  in  ridicule,  because  many  of  the  Presby- 
terians had  lost  their  ears  in  the  pillory.  Or  the  poet  may  re- 
collect his  "  long  ear'd  rout."  In  Dryden's  Hind  and  Panther, 
we  have  a  similar  allusion  : 

And  pricks  up  his  predestinating  ears. 

t  That  is,  the  other  divines.  Ministers  in  those  days  were 
called  masters,  as  they  are  at  the  854th  line  of  this  canto.  Omi 
of  this  order  would  have  been  styled,  not  the  reverend,  but 
master,  or  master  doctor  such  an  one;  and  sometimes,  for 
brevity's  sake,  and  familiarly,  mas;  the  plural  of  which,  our 
jioet  makes  masses  See  Ben  Johnson,  and  Spectator,  No.  147  * 
Mr,  Butler,  in  this  place,  must  be  charged  with  a  small  an- 
achronism; for  the  irealy  at  the  isle  of  Wight  was  subsequent 
to  the  death  of  Henderson  by  the  space  of  two  years.  The 
divines  employed  there,  were  tMarshal,  Vines,  Caryl,  Seaman, 
Jenkyns,  and  Shurston  :  Henderson  was  present  at  the  Uibridge 

•  Andrew  Cant  is  there  called  Mas  Cant. 

t  Carle  says.  Marshal,  Vines,  and  two  others.  Stephen  Marshal,  he  sayi, 
was  a  bloody  n:aii  in  all  his  prayers  and  lermons;  and  Mr.  Vines  a  morfi 
Cbri&tiau  Bpurit,  more  .;»Klest,  learued,  pious,  and  rational  in  nis  discouiBea. 


432  HUDIBRAS.  TPart  in. 

Were  sent  to  cap  texts,  and  put  cases:  1240 

To  pass  for  deep  and  learned  scholars, 

Altho'  but  paltry  Ob  and  SoUers  :* 

As  if  tli'  unseasonable  fools 

Had  been  a  coursinjf  in  the  schools.t 

Until  they  'ad  prov'd  the  devil  author  1243 

O'  th'  covenant,  and  the  cause  his  daughter ; 

treaty;  anj  disputed  with  the  king  at  Newcastle  when  he  was 
.n  the  Scottish  army.  Soon  after  which  he  died,  as  some  said, 
of  grief,  because  ho  coald  not  convince  the  l<ing  :  but  as  others 
said,  of  remorse,  for  having  opposed  him.  According  to  these 
last,  while  on  his  deathbed,  he  publislied  a  solemn  declaration 
to  the  parliament  and  synod  of  England,  setting  forth  that 
they  had  been  abused  with  most  false  aspersions  against  fiis 
majesty;  and  that  they  ought  to  restore  him  to  his  full  rights, 
royal  throne  and  dignity,  lest  an  endless  character  of  ingratitude 
lie  upon  them.  Of  the  king  himself,  beside  commending  his 
justice,  magnanimity,  and  other  virtues,  he  speaks  in  these 
terms  :  "  I  do  declare  before  God  and  the  world,  whether  in  re- 
"  lation  to  the  kirk  or  state,  I  found  his  majesty  the  mj=t  intel- 
"  ligent  man  that  I  ever  spake  with ;  as  far  beyond  my  e.tpres- 
"sion  as  expectation.  I  profess,  I  was  oftentimes  astonished 
"  with  the  quickness  of  his  reasons  and  replies  :  wondered  how 
"  he,  spending  his  time  in  sport  and  recreations,  could  have  at- 
"  tained  to  so  great  knowledge :  and  I  must  confess,  that  I  was 
"  convinced  in  conscience,  and  knew  not  how  to  give  him  any 
"  reasonable  satisfaction.  Yet  the  sweetness  of  his  disposition 
"  is  such,  th  it  whatever  I  said  was  well  taken.  I  must  say, 
"  that  I  never  met  with  any  disputant  of  that  mild  and  calm 
"  temper,  which  convinced  me,  that  his  wisdom  and  modera- 
"  tion  could  not  be  without  an  extraordinary  measure  of  divine 
"  grace.  I  dare  say,  if  his  advice  had  been  followed,  all  the 
"blood  that  has  been  shed,  and  all  the  rapine  that  has  been 
"  conmiitted,  would  have  been  prevented."  If  it  be  true  that 
Henderson  made  this  declaration,  it  will  amount  to  the  highest 
encomium  that  could  possibly  be  bestowed  upon  the  king,  par- 
ticularly as  coming  from  the  mouth  of  an  enemy. 

*  That  is,  although  only  coutemptible  dabblers  in  school  logic. 
So  in  Burton's  Melancholy,  "  A  pack  of  Obs  and  Sellers."  The 
polemic  divines  of  that  age  and  stamp,  filled  the  margins  both  of 
their  tracts  and  sermons  with  the  words  Ob  and  Sol;  the  one 
standing  for  objection,  the  other  for  solution.  Bishop  Sanderson, 
In  I'is  Concio  ad  Aulam,  says — "  The  devil  is  an  arrant  sophister, 
'  and  will  not  take  an  answer,  though  never  so  reasonable  and 
"  satisfactory,  but  will  ever  have  somewhat  or  other  to  reply. — 
'So  long  as  we  hold  us  but  to  Ob  and  Sol,  to  argument  and 
'answer,  he  will  never  out,  but  wrangle  ad  infinitum."  So  we 
say,  pro  and  con.  The  old  annotator's  note  on  this  passage  is  so 
erroneous,  as  to  shiw  plainly  that  he  could  not  be  Butler. 

t  Coursing  is  a  term  used  in  the  university  of  Oxford  for  some 
exercises  preparatory  to  a  master's  degree.  They  were  dispuW- 
tions  in  Lent,  which  were  regulated  by  Dr.  John  Fell ;  for  before 
his  time,  the  endeavors  of  one  party  to  run  down  and  confute 
another  in  disputations,  did  conmionly  end  in  blows,  and  domes 
tic  quarrels,  the  refuge  of  the  vanquished  party.  Wood's  Alhea 
vol.  ii.  p.  603.  Hence,  and  from  another  passage  or  two,  it  has 
been  thought  that  Mr.  Butler  had  received  an  academical  educa- 
Vott. 


Canto  ii.]  HUDIBRAS.  433 

For  when  they  charg'd  him  with  the  guilt 

Of  all  the  blood  that  had  been  spilt, 

They  did  not  mean  he  wrought  tli'  effusion 

In  person,  like  Sir  Pride,  or  Hughson,*  1250 

Biit  only  those  who  first  begun 

The  quarrel  were  by  him  set  on  ; 

And  who  could  those  bo  but  the  saints, 

Those  reformation  termagants? 

But  ere  this  pass'd,  the  wise  debate  255 

Spent  so  much  time  it  grew  too  late  ;t 

For  Oliver  had  gotten  ground, 

T'  enclose  him  with  his  warriors  round ; 

Had  brought  his  providence  about. 

And  turn'd  th'  untimely  sophists  out.t  1260 

Nor  had  the  Uxbridge  bus'ness  less 
Of  nonsense  in  "t,  or  sottishness  ; 
When  from  a  scoundrel  holderforth,§ 
The  scum,  as  well  as  son  o'  the  earth, 
Your  mighty  senators  took  law,  1265 

At  his  command  were  forc'd  t'  withdraw, 
And  sacrifice  the  peace  o'  th'  nation 
To  doctrine,  use,  and  application. 
So  when  the  Scots,  your  constant  cronies, 
Th'  espousers  of  your  cause  and  monies,||  1270 


*  Pride  was  originally  a  drayman;  hut  at  last  became  a  famous 
colonel  in  the  parliament  army,  was  knighted  by  Cromwell  with 
a  fagot  stick,  hence  in  derision  called  Sir  Pride,  and  made  one 
of  his  lords  in  parliament.  Hughson  was  at  first  a  shoemaker 
or  a  cobbler,  afterwards  colonel  in  the  parliament  army,  and  one 
of  Oliver's  lords  of  the  upper  house. 

t  The  treaty  at  the  Isle  of  Wight  was  appointed  at  the  first 
for  forty  days  ;  then  continue.;  for  fourteen  days  longer,  then  for 
four,  and  at  last  for  one  more  By  this  artifice  the  king's  ene- 
mies gave  Cromwell  time  to  return  from  Scotland.  Whereas  it 
had  been  the  true  interest  and  policy  of  all  that  desired  peace 
and  a  settlement  of  the  kingdom,  to  have  hastened  the  treaty 
while  the  army  was  absent. — Lord  Clarendon.  During  the  treaty, 
Cromwell  and  his  offiaers  frequently  petitioned  parliament  to 
punish  delinquents. — Whitelock's  Mem. 

X  Untimely,  usually  signifies  premature,  but  here,  unseason- 
able. 

^  Christopher  Love,  a  furious  Presbyterian,  who  preached  a 
jermnn  at  Uxbridge  during  the  treaty  held  there,  introducing 
many  reflections  upon  his  majesty's  person  and  government,  and 
stirring  up  the  people  against  the  king's  commissioners.  He  was 
executed  in  1651  for  treason,  by  means  of  Cromwell  and  the  In- 
dependents. 

II  The  Scots,  in  their  first  expedition,  1640,  had  300,000/.  given 
them  for  brotherly  assistance,  besides  a  contribution  of  80OL  a 
day  from  the  northern  counties.  In  their  second  expedition, 
1643,  besides  much  free  quarter,  they  had  19,700/.  monthly,  and 
received  73,972/.  in  one  year  by  customs  on  coals.    The  parlia- 


424  HUDIBRAS,  [Part  m 

Who  had  so  often,  in  your  aid, 
So  many  ways  been  soundly  paid, 
Came  in  at  last  for  better  ends, 
^  To  prove  themselves  your  trusty  friends. 
You  basely  left  them,  and  the  church  1273 

They  train'd  you  up  to,  in  the  lurch, 
And  sufFer'd  your  own  tribe  of  christians 
To  fall  before,  as  true  Philistines.* 
This  shews  what  utensils  y'  have  been. 
To  bring  the  king's  concernments  in  ;  1280 

Which  is  so  far  from  being  true, 
That  none  but  he  can  bring  in  you  ; 
And  if  he  take  }'ou  into  trust. 
Will  find  you  most  exactly  just, 

Such  as  will  punctually  repay  128J» 

With  double  int'rest,  and  betray. 

Not  that  I  think  those  pantomimes. 
Who  vary  action  with  the  times, 
Are  less  ingenious  in  their  art. 

Than  those  who  dully  act  one  part ;  1290 

Or  those  who  turn  from  side  to  side. 
More  guilty  than  the  wind  and  tide. 
All  countries  are  a  wise  man's  home,+ 
And  so  are  governments  to  some. 
Who  change  them  for  the  same  intrigues  1295 

That  statesmen  use  in  breaking  leagues  ; 
While  others  in  old  faiths  and  troths 
Look  odd,  as  out-of-fashion'd  clothes, 
And  nastier  in  an  old  opinion, 

Than  those  who  never  shift  their  linen.  1300 

For  true  and  faitiiful  's  sure  to  lose. 
Which  way  soever  the  game  goes  ; 
And  whether  parties  lose  or  win. 
Is  always  nick'd,  or  else  hedg'd  in : 
While  pow'r  usurp'd,  like  stol'n  delight,  1305 


ment  agreed  with  them  for  400,000^  on  the  surrender  of  the 
king. — Dugdale. 

*  The  Scots  made  a  third  expedition  into  England,  1648,  tinder 
Dnke  Hamilton,  which  was  supposed  to  be  intended  for  the 
rescue  of  the  king.  They  entered  a  fourth  time  under  Charles 
II.,  when  the  Presbyterians  were  expected  to  join  them.  Yet 
the  latter  assisted  Cromwell :  even  their  preachers  marched  with 
him  ;  thus  sulfering  Presbyterian  brethren,  a  portion  of  the  true 
church,  or  true  Israelites,  to  fall  before  the  Independent  army, 
Whom  they  reckoned  no  better  than  Philistines. 

t  Omne  solum  forti  patria  est.  Ovid. 

Ibi  esse  jadicabo  Romam,  ubicunque  liberum  esse  licebil,  sayi 
Brutus  in  a  letter  to  Cicero. 


Canto  ii.]  HUDIBRAS.  425 

Is  more  bewitching  than  tlie  right : 

And  wiien  the  times  begin  to  alter, 

None  rise  so  high  as  from  the  halter.* 

And  so  we  may,  if  we  've  but  sense 

To  use  the  necessary  means,  1310 

And  not  your  usual  stratagems 

On  one  another,  lights,  and  dreams 

To  stand  on  terms  as  positive. 

As  if  we  did  not  take,  but  give  : 

Set  lip  the  covenant  on  crutches,  1313 

'Gainst  those  who  have  us  in  their  clutches, 

And  dream  of  pulling  churches  down. 

Before  we  're  sure  to  prop  our  own  : 

Your  constant  method  of  proceeding, 

Without  the  carnal  means  of  heeding,  1320 

Who,  'twixt  your  inward  sense  and  outward, 

Are  worse,  than  if  ye  'ad  none  accoutred. 

I  grant  all  courses  are  in  vain. 

Unless  we  can  get  in  again  :t 

The  only  way  that's  left  us  now,  1325 

But  all  the  difficulty's,  how? 

'Tis  true  we  've  money,  th'  only  power 

That  all  mankind  falls  down  before. 

Money,  tliat,  like  the  swords  of  kings, 

Is  the  last  reason  of  all  things  -,1  1330 

And  therefore  need  not  doubt  our  play 

Has  all  advantages  that  way  ; 

As  long  as  men  have  faith  to  sell. 

And  meet  with  those  that  can  pay  well ; 

Whose  half-starv'd  pride  and  avarice,  1335 


*  111  a  conference  between  Mr.  le  President  de  Bellievre  and 
Cardinal  de  Retz,  1  will  tell  you,  said  the  former,  what  I  learned 
from  Cioiiivvell.  11  nie  disoit  un  jour,  que  Ton  ne  nionloit  ja- 
mais si  haul,  que  quaiid  on  ne  sait  oil  Ton  va.  Vous  savez,  riis- 
je  a  Bellievre,  que  j'ai  horreur  pour  Cromwell ;  mais,  quelque 
grand  homme  qu'on  nous  le  prone,  j'ajoute  le  niepris ;  s'il  est 
de  ce  sentiment,  il  est  d'an  fou.  De  Retz  ailds,  that  this  conver- 
sation came  to  Cromwell's  ears;  and  that  he  had  like  to  have 
paid  dearly  in  the  sequel  for  the  indiscretion  of  his  tongue. — 
Mem.  de  Reiz,  vol.  ii.  lit),  iii.  p.  38.). 

t  When  General  Monk  restored  the  excluded  members,  the 
rumper>,  perceiving  they  could  not  carry  things  their  own  way, 
and  rule  as  they  had  done,  quitted  the  house. 

i  Diodorus  Siculus  relates,  that  when  the  height  of  the  walls 
of  Amphipolis  was  pointed  out  to  Philip,  as  rendering  the  town 
impregnable,  he  observed,  they  were  not  so  high  but  money 
could  be  thrown  over  them.  And  (Cicero,  in  his  second  oration 
against  Verres,  Nihil  est  tarn  sanctum  quod  non  violari,  nihil 
tani  muniium  quod  non  expugnari,  pecunia  possit.  The  niolta 
upon  the  cannon  of  the  king  of  France  was,  Ratio  ultima  regum 


436  HUDIBRA8.  [Part  uv 

Oae  church  and  state  will  not  suffice 
T'  expose  to  sale  ;*  besides  the  wagest 
Of  storing  plagues  to  after  ages. 
Nor  is  our  money  less  our  own, 

Than  'twas  before  we  laid  it  down  ;  134(1 

For  'twill  return,  and  turn  t'  account, 
If  we  are  brought  in  play  upon  't. 
Or  but  by  casting  knaves,  get  in, 
What  pow'r  can  hinder  us  to  win  ? 
We  know  the  arts  we  us'd  before,  1345 

In  peace  and  war,  and  something  more. 
And  by  th'  unfortunate  events, 
Can  mend  our  next  experiments  : 
For  when  we  're  taken  into  trust, 
How  easy  are  the  wisest  chous'd,  .350 

Who  see  but  th'  outsides  of  our  feats. 
And  not  their  secret  springs  and  weights  ; 
And  while  they  're  busy,  at  their  ease. 
Can  carry  what  designs  we  please  ? 
How  easy  is  't  to  serve  for  agents,  1355 

To  prosecute  our  old  engagements  ? 
,    To  keep  the  good  old  cause  on  foot,  • 
And  present  pow'r  from  taking  root  ;t 
Inflame  them  both  with  false  alarms 
Of  plots,  and  parties  taking  arms  ;  1360 

To  keep  the  nation's  wounds  too  wide 
From  healing  up  of  side  to  side  ; 


*  There  i:;  a  list  of  above  a  hundred  of  the  principal  actors  in 
this  rebellion,  among  whom  the  plunder  of  the  church,  crown, 
and  kingdom  was  divided ;  to  some  five,  ten,  or  twenty  thousand 
pounds  ;  to  others,  lands  and  offices  of  many  hundreds  or  thou- 
sands a  year.  At  the  end  of  the  list,  the  author  says,  it  was  com- 
puted that  they  had  shared  among  themselves  near  twenty  mil- 
lions. 

t  They  allowed,  by  their  own  order,  four  pounds  a  week  to 
each  member ;  each  member  of  the  assembly  of  divines  was  al- 
lowed four  shillings  a  day.  Are  the  members  of  the  National 
Assembly  in  France  better  paid  1  (1793.)  [Whether  they  were 
better  paid  or  not  they  certainly  succeeded  in  storinrr  plagues  to 
after  ages,  as  well  as  partaking  largely  of  them  themselves.  Lib- 
erty and  philanthropy  in  their  mouths, — tyranny  and  blood  in 
their  deeds, — they  at  last  naturally  succumbed  to  a  military  des- 
pot, who  in  his  turn  fell  under  the  avenging  swords  of  injured 
Europe.  A  Restoration  follows,  and  now  a  new  Revolution, 
heing  the  First  of  the  Second  Series. — Comment  va  le  nionde  1 
Tout  a  la  ronde.] 

X  General  Monk  and  his  party,  or  the  committee  of  safety:  for 
we  must  understand  the  scene  to  be  laid  at  the  time  when  IMonk 
bore  the  sway,  or,  as  will  appear  by-and-by,  at  the  roasting  of 
the  rumps,  when  Monk  and  the  city  of  London  united  against 
tho  rump  parliament. 


Canto  u.]  HUDIBRAS.  427 

Profess  the  passionat'st  concerns 

For  both  their  interests  by  turns, 

The  only  way  t'  improve  our  own,  1365 

By  deaUng  faithfully  with  none  ; 

As  bowls  run  true,  by  being  made 

On  purpose  false,  and  to  be  sway'd, 

For  if  we  should  be  true  to  either, 

'T would  turn  us  out  of  both  together  ;  1370 

And  therefore  have  no  other  means 

To  stand  upon  our  own  defence. 

But  keeping  up  our  ancient  party 

In  vigour,  confident  and  hearty  : 

To  reconcile  our  late  dissenters,  1375 

Our  brethren,  though  by  other  venters  ; 

Unite  them,  and  their  different  maggots. 

As  long  and  sliort  sticks  are  in  faggots,* 

And  make  them  join  again  as  close. 

As  when  they  first  began  t'  espouse  ;  1380 

Erect  them  into  separate 

New  Jewish  tribes  in  church  and  state  ;t 

To  join  in  marriage  and  commerce, t 

And  only  'mong  tliemselves  converse, 

And  all  that  are  not  of  their  mind,  1385 

Make  enemies  to  all  mankind  :§ 

Take  all  religions  in,  and  stickle 

From  conclave  down  to  conventicle  ;|| 

Agreeing  still  or  disagreeing. 

According  to  the  light  in  being,  1390 

Sometimes  for  liberty  of  conscience, 

And  spiritual  misrule  in  one  sense  ; 

But  in  another  quite  contrary. 

As  dispensations  chance  to  vary  ; 

And  stand  for,  as  the  times  will  bear  it,  1395 

All  contradictions  of  the  spirit : 


*  Vis  xinila  forlior.  See  ^sop's  Fables,  17],  ed.  Oxen,  and 
Plu'arch  (Je  Garrulitate,  ii.  p.  511.  Swift  told  this  fable  after  the 
ancients,  with  exquisite  humor,  to  reconcile  queen  Ann's  minis- 
ter^. 

t  Miike  them  distinct  in  their  opinions  and  interests,  like  the 
Jews,  who  were  not  allowed  to  intermarry  or  converse  with  the 
nations  around  them. 

i  The  accent  is  here  laid  upon  the  last  syllable  of  commerce, 
as  in  Waller,  p.  59,  small  edition  by  Fenton  : 

Or  what  commerce  can  men  with  monsters  find. 

5  The  odium  human!  generis  of  Tacitus,  and  the  non  nionstra 
re  vias  eadein  nisi  sacra  colenti  of  the  same  author,  are  here  al 
luded  to. 

II  That  is,  papists  as  well  as  non-conformists 


428  HUDIBRAS,  [Part  m 

Protect  their  emissaries,*  empower'd 

To  preach  sedition,  and  the  word  ; 

And  when  they  're  hamper'd  by  the  laws, 

Release  the  lab'rers  for  the  cause,  1400 

And  turn  the  persecution  back 

On  those  tliat  made  the  first  attack, 

To  keep  them  equally  in  awe 

From  breaking,  or  maintaining  law : 

And  when  they  have  their  fits  too  soon,  1405 

Before  the  full-tides  of  the  moon, 

Put  off  their  zeal  t'  a  fitter  season. 

For  sowing  faction  in  and  treason  ; 

And  keep  them  hooded,  and  their  churches, 

Like  hawks,  from  baiting  on  their  perches  ;t         1410 

That  wiien  the  blessed  time  shall  come 

Of  quitting  Babylon  and  Rome, 

They  may  be  ready  to  restore 

Their  own  fifth  monarchy  once  more.l 

Mean-while  be  better  ann'd  to  fence  1415 

Against  revolts  of  providence, § 

By  watching  narrowly,  and  snapping 

All  blind  sides  of  it,  as  they  happen  : 

For  if  success  could  make  us  saints. 

Our  ruin  turn'd  us  miscreants  ;||  1420 

A  scandal  that  would  fall  too  hard 

Upon  a  few,  and  unprepar'd. 

These  are  the  courses  we  must  run, 

Spite  of  our  hearts,  or  be  undone. 

And  not  to  stand  on  terms  and  freaks,  1425 

Before  we  have  secur'd  our  necks. 

But  do  our  work  as  out  of  sight. 

As  stars  by  day,  and  suns  by  night ; 

All  licence  of  the  people  own. 

In  opposition  to  the  crown  ;  1430 

And  for  the  crown  as  fiercely  side, 

The  head  and  body  to  divide. 

*  Read,  Protect  their  emissaires,  as  the  French  in  three  sylla- 
bles, otherwise  there  is  a  syllable  too  much  in  the  verse. 

t  From  leing  too  forward,  or  ready  to  tal<e  flight. 

t  In  addition  to  the  four  great  monarchies  which  have  ap 
peared  in  the  world,  some  of  the  enthusiasts  thought  that 
CJirist  was  to  reign  temporally  upon  earth,  and  to  establish  a 
fifth  monarchy. 

§  The  sectaries  of  those  days  talked  more  familiarly  to  Al 
mighty  God.  than  they  dared  to  do  to  a  superior  oflicer :  they 
remonstrated  with  him,  made  him  the  author  of  all  their  wicked 
machinations,  and,  if  their  projects  failed,  they  said  that  Provi- 
dence had  revolted  from  them. 

U  Suppose  we  read,  Turns  us  miscreants. 


Canto  u.]  HUDIBRAS.  429 

The  end  of  all  we  first  design'd, 

And  all  that  yet  remains  behind, 

Be  sure  to  spare  no  public  rapine,  1435 

On  all  emergencies  that  happen  ; 

For  'tis  as  easy  to  supplant 

Authority,  as  men  in  want  ; 

As  some  of  us,  in  trusts,  have  made 

The  one  hand  with  tlie  otiier  trade  ;  1440 

Gain'd  vastly  by  their  joint  endeavour, 

The  right  a  thief,  the  left  receiver  ; 

And  what  the  one,  by  tricks,  forestall'd, 

The  other,  by  as  sly,  retail'd. 

For  gain  has  wonderful  effects  1445 

T'  improve  the  factory  of  sects  ; 

The  rule  of  faith  in  all  professions. 

And  great  Diana  of  th'  Ephesians  ; 

Whence  turning  of  religion's  made 

The  means  to  turn  and  wind  a  trade.  1450 

And  though  some  change  it  for  the  worse. 

They  put  themselves  into  a  course. 

And  draw  in  store  of  customers, 

To  thrive  the  better  in  commerce  : 

For  all  religions  flock  together,  1455 

Like  tame  and  wild  fowl  of  a  feather : 

To  nab  the  itches  of  their  sects, 

As  jades  do  one  another's  necks. 

Hence  'tis  hypocrisy  as  well 

"Will  serve  t'  improve  a  church,  as  zeal ;  1460 

As  persecution  or  promotion, 

Do  equally  advance  devotion. 

Let  bus'ness,  like  ill  watches,  go 

Sometime  too  fast,  sometime  too  slow  ; 

For  things  in  order  are  put  out  1465 

So  easy,  ease  itself  will  do  't : 

But  when  the  feat's  design'd  and  meant, 

What  miracle  can  bar  th'  event  ? 

For  'tis  more  easy  to  betray, 

Than  ruin  any  other  way.  !  478 

All  possible  occasions  start. 

The  weightiest  matters  to  divert ; 

Obstruct,  perplex,  distract,  entangle. 

And  lay  perpetual  trains,  to  wrangle.* 


*  Exactly  the  advice  given  in  Aristophanes  to  the  satisage- 
malcer  turned  politician,  Equites,  v.  iJJ4.  Many  political  charac- 
ters, in  the  time  of  Oliver,  seem  to  have  followed  it.  Si  quid  in- 
ter comitia  disceptandum,  quiesitis  diverticulis,  aut  Snjectis  Intel 


430  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  in. 

But  in  affairs  of  less  import,  -  1475 

That  neither  do  us  good  nor  hurt, 

And  they  receive  as  little  by. 

Out-fawn  as  much,  and  out  comply. 

And  seem  as  scrupulously  just. 

To  bait  our  hooks  for  greater  trust.  1480 

But  still  be  careful  to  cry  down 

All  public  actions,  tho'  our  own  ; 

The  least  miscarriage  aggravate. 

And  charge  it  all  upon  the  state  : 

Express  the  horrid'st  detestation,  14S& 

And  pity  the  distracted  nation  ; 

Tell  stories  scandalous  and  false, 

I'  th'  proper  language  of  cabals,* 

Where  all  a  subtle  statesman  says. 

Is  half  in  words,  and  half  in  face  ;  1490 

As  Spaniards  talk  in  dialogues 

Of  heads  and  shoulders,  nods  and  shrugs  : 

Entrust  it  under  solemn  vows 

Of  mum,  and  silence,  and  the  rose,t 

To  be  retail'd  again  in  whispers,  1494 

For  th'  easy  credulous  to  disperse. 

Thus  far  the  statesman — When  a  shout, 
Heard  at  a  distance,  put  him  out  ; 
And  strait  another,  all  aghast, 

Rusli'd  in  with  equal  fear  and  haste,  1500 

Who  star'd  about,  as  pale  as  death. 
And,  for  a  while,  as  out  of  breath,  * 

Till,  having  gathered  up  his  wits, 

Kstus  disputandi  scrupulis,  ut  rei  determinatio  in  aliud  tempus 
destineretur  procurabant.  De  regiis  concessionibus  usque  ad 
diem  postrrum  acriter  disputatum  est;  iliim  inierea  scrupulos 
neclunt,  disseminant  rixas,  sciiidunt  in  diversum  paries,  longis- 
que  oiatiunculis  tempus  terunt  oligarchichi  et  denincratiti. 

*  Mr.  Butler  has  seldom  been  so  inattentive  to  rhyme,  as  in 
this  and  the  following  couplet. 

t  When  any  thing  was  said  in  confidence,  the  speaker  in  con- 
clusion generally  used  the  word  mum,  or  silence.  The  rose  was 
considered  by  tlie  ancients  as  an  end)lem  of  silence,  from  its  be- 
ing dedicated  by  Cupid  to  Harpocrates,  the  god  of  silence,  to  en- 
gage him  to  conceal  the  actions  of  his  mother,  Venus.  Whence, 
in  rooms  designed  for  convivial  meetings,  it  was  customary  to 
place  a  rose  above  the  table,  to  signify  that  any  thing  there  spo- 
ken ought  never  to  be  divulged.    The  epigram  says : 

E-;t  rosa  flos  Veneris,  cujus  quo  facta  laterent, 
Harpocrati,  matris  dona,  dicavit  amor. 

Inde  rosam  mensis  hospes  suspendit  amicis, 
Conviva  ut  sub  ea  dicta  tacenda  sciat. 

A  rose  was  frequently  figured  on  the  ceiling  of  rooms,  both  in 
England  and  Germany 


Canto  u.]  HUDIBRAS.  431 

He  thus  began  his  tale  by  fits  :* 

That  beastly  rabble — tliat  came  down  1505 

From  all  the  garrets — in  the  town, 
And  stalls,  and  shop-boards — in- vast  swarms, 
With  new-chalk'd  bills — and  rusty  arms, 
To  cry  the  cause. — up,  heretofore. 
And  bawl  the  bishops — out  of  door  ;  i51(» 

Are  now  drawn  up — in  greater  shoals, 
To  roast — and  broil  us  on  the  coals. 
And  all  the  grandees — of  our  members 
Are  carbonading — on  the  embers  ; 
Knights,  citizens,  and  burgesses —  1515 

Held  forth  by  rumps — of  pigs  and  geese, 
That  serve  for  characters — and  badges 
To  represent  their  personages. 
Each  bonfire  is  a  funeral  pile. 

In  which  they  roast,  and  scorch,  and  broil,  1520 

And  ev'ry  representative 
Have  vow'd  to  roast — and  broil  alive  : 
And  'tis  a  miracle  we  are  not 
Already  sacrific'd  incarnate  ; 

For  while  we  wrangle  here,  and  jar,  1525 

W  are  grilly'd  all  at  Temple-bar  ; 
Some,  on  the  sign-post  of  an  ale-house. 
Hang  in  effigy,  on  the  gallows,t 
Made  up  of  rags  to  personate 

Respective  officers  of  state  ;  1530 

That,  henceforth,  they  may  stand  reputed, 
Proscrib'd  in  law,  and  executed. 
And,  while  the  work  is  carrying  on. 
Be  ready  listed  under  Dun, 

That  worthy  patriot,  once  the  bellows,  1535 

And  tinder-box  of  all  his  fellows  ;t 


*  By  this  speaker  is  represented  Sir  Martin  Noel,  who,  whil. 
the  cabal  was  sitting,  brougtt  news  that  the  niinp  parliament 
was  dismissed,  the  secluded  members  brought  into  the  house, 
and  that  the  mob  of  London  approved  of  the  measure.  Mr. 
Butler  tells  this  tale  for  Sir  Martin  with  wonderful  humor. 

t  For,  or  instead  of,  a  gallows,  would,  perhaps,  be  a  more  cor 
rect  reading  :  it  is  better  to  hang  the  eiTigj'  on  the  sign-post,  than 
the  original  on  the  lamp-iron. 

t  Uun  was  common  hangman  at  that  time,  and  succeeding 
executioners  went  by  his  name,  till  eclipsed  by  squire  Ketch. 
But  the  character  here  dehneated  was  certainly  intended  for  Sir 
Arthur  Hazlerig,  knight  of  the  shire,  in  the  long  parliament,  for 
the  county  of  Leicester,  and  one  of  the  five  members  of  the 
house  of  commons  impeached  by  the  king  in  the  beginning  of 
that  parliament.  He  brought  in  the  bill  of  attainder  against  the 
earl  of  Strafford,  and  the  bill  against  episcopacy ;  though  tha 


432  HUDIBRAS.  TPart  io. 

The  activ'st  member  of  the  five, 

As  well  as  the  most  primitive  ; 

Who,  for  hrs  faithful  service  then. 

Is  chosen  for  a  fifth  agen :  •  1540 

For  since  tJie  state  has  made  a  quint 

Of  generals,  he's  listed  in't.* 

This  worthy,  as  the  v/orld  will  say, 

Is  paid  in  specie,  his  own  way  ; 

For,  moulded  to  the  life,  in  clouts,  1545 

They  've  pick'd  from  dunghills  hereabouts, 


latter  was  delivered  by  Sir  Edward  Deering  at  his  procurement. 
He  also  brought  in  the  bill  for  the  militia.  Lord  Clarendon  says, 
he  was  used  like  the  dove  out  of  the  ark,  to  try  what  footing  the 
party  could  have  for  their  designs.  He  was  a  hot-headed  re- 
publican, and  made  great  disturbances  afterwards  in  the  parlia- 
ment of  Oliver  and  Richard.  He  was  always  ene  of  the  rump  ; 
and  a  little  before  this  time,  when  the  committee  of  safety  had 
been  set  up,  and  the  rump  excluded,  he  had  seized  Portsmouth 
for  their  use.  It  is  probable  that  he  might  call  Sir  Arthur  by  the 
hangman's  name,  either  for  some  barbarous  execution  which  he 
had  caused  to  be  done  in  a  military  way,  or  for  his  forwardness 
and  zeal  in  parliament  in  bringing  the  royalists  to  e.xeciition,and 
the  king  himself:  for  I  find  three  addresses,  which  we  may  well 
suppose  were  promoted  by  him  :  one  from  the  garrisons  of  New 
castle  and  Tinmouth,  where  Hazlerig  was  governor;  another 
from  the  mayor  and  aldermen  of  Newcastle ;  and  a  third  from 
the  county  of  Leicester,  which  Hazlerig  represented;  all  of 
them  for  the  trial  of  the  king.  Dun,  however,  is  sometimes  put 
for  don  or  knight,  as  at  line  110  of  the  next  canto.  Before 
Monk's  intentions  were  known,  Hazlerig,  in  a  conversation  with 
him,  said,  "I  see  which  way  things  are  going;  monarchy  will 
"be  restored;  and  then  I  know  what  will  become  of  me." 
"Pugh,"  replied  Monk,  "I  will  secure  you  for  two-pence."  In 
no  long  time  after,  when  the  secret  was  out,  Hazlerig  sent  Monk 
a  letter,  with  two-pence  enclosed.  This  incident  is  mentioned 
in  the  third  volume  of  Lord  Clarendon's  State  Papers,  printed  at 
0.xford.  Sir  Arthur  enlisted  many  soldiers,  and  had  a  regiment 
called  his  Lobsters. 

Without  pretending  that  Butler  had  any  view  in  this  to  the 
ancients,  it  reminds  me  of  the  magnificent  titles  given  to  suc- 
cessful generals.  Fabius,  I  think,  was  called  the  shield,  Mar- 
cel lus  the  sword  of  Rome,  and  Scipio  the  thunderbolt  of  war. 
Swift  excelled  in  this  species  of  humor: 

Would  you  describe  Turenne  or  Trump, 
Think  of  a  bucket  or  a  pump. 

*  Quint,  that  is,  a  quontm  of  five.  After  the  death  of  Crom- 
well, and  the  de|)ositinn  of  Richard,  when  the  rump  parliament 
M'as  restoreil,  lest  any  commander  in-chief  shwuld  again  usurp 
the  sovereignty,  they  resolved  that  their  speaker  should  hold 
the  offices  both  of  general  and  admiral,  which  for  a  time  he  did. 
The  government  of  the  army  was  then  put  into  the  hands  of 
seven  commissioners,  of  whom  Hazlerig  was  one.  And  again 
February  II,  1659,  Monk,  Hazlerig,  Walton,  Morley,  and  Alured, 
were  appointed  commissioners  to  govern  the  army.  Whitelock'i 
iwords  are,  "  that  Hazlerig  did  drive  on  furiously." 


Canto  ii.J  HUDIBRAS  433 

He's  mounted  on  a  hazel  bavin* 
A  cropp'd  malignant  baker  gave  'em  ;t 
And  to  the  largest  bonfire  riding, 
They  've  roasted  Cook  already,  and  Pride  m  ;t     1550 
On  whom,  in  equipage  and  state. 
His  scare-crow  fellow-members  wait, 
And  march  in  order,  two  and  two, 
As  at  thanksgivings  th'  us'd  to  do  ; 
Each  in  a  tatter'd  talisman,  1555 

"Like  vermin  in  effigy  slain. 

But,  what's  more  dreadful  than  the  rest, 
Those  rumps  are  but  the  tail  o'  th'  beast, 
Set  up  by  popish  engineers. 

As  by  the  crackers  plainly  appears  ;  1560 

For  none  but  Jesuits  have  a  mission 
To  preach  the  faith  with  ammunition. 
And  propagate  the  church  with  powder ; 
Their  founder  was  a  blown -up  soldier.^ 
Those  spiritual  pioneers  o'  th'  whore's,  1505 

That  have  the  charge  of  all  her  stores  ; 
Since  first  they  fail'd  in  their  designs,|| 
To  take  in  heav'n  by  springing  mines,  • 
And,  with  unanswerable  barrels 
Of  gunpowder,  dispute  their  quarrels,  1570 

Now  take  a  course  more  [)racticable. 
By  laying  trains  to  fire  the  rabble. 
And  blow  us  up,  in  th'  open  streets, 


*  An  hazel  fajiot,  such  as  bakers  heat  their  ovens  with. 

t  Pillory,  and  cioppinp  the  ears,  was  a  punishment  inflicted 
on  bakers  who  made  short  weifiht,  or  bad  bread.  The  sectaries 
called  all  those  maliftnants  who  were  not  of  their  party, 

{  Cook  was  solicitor  at  the  kinsj's  trial;  he  drew  up  a  charge 
against  him ;  and  was  ready  with  a  formal  plea,  in  case  the 
king  had  submitted  to  the  jurisdiction  of  the  court.  The  plea 
was  printed,  and  answered  by  Butler,  in  his  Remains,  (not  the 
genuine  ones,  vol.  i.  p.  IIC.)  Lord  Clarendon  allows  him  to 
have  been  a  man  of  abilities.  His  defence  at  his  trial  was  bold 
and  manly,  though  not  discreet  or  judicious.  Pride  has  been 
spoken  of  before.  It  was  he  who  garbled  the  house  of  com- 
mons, causing  41  members  to  be  seized  and  confined,  and  deny- 
ing entrance  to  IGO  more  ;  several  others  being  terrified  declined 
sitting,  and  left  the  house  to  about  150,  who  passed  the  vote  for 
.ne  trial  of  the  king.  This  expulsion  was  called  Colonel  Pride's 
Purge,  and  was  the  besinning  of  the  rump  parliament. 

$  Ignatius  Loyola,  founder  of  the  Jesuits,  was  a  Spanish  gen- 
tleman, and  bred  a  soldier:  wounded  at  the  siege  of  Pampeluna 
by  the  French  in  152L 

II  Alluding  to  the  gunpowder-plot,  in  the  reign  of  James  I., 
supposed  to  have  been  conducted  by  the  Jesuits,  and  for  which 
Garnet  and  Oldcorn  suffered. 

19 


434  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  in 

Disg\iis'd  in  rumps,  like  sambenites,* 

More  like  to  ruin  and  confound,  1575 

Than  all  their  doctrines  underground. 

Nor  have  they  chosen  rumps  amiss,t 

For  symbols  of  state-mysteries  ; 

Tho'  some  suppose,  'twaa  but  to  shew 

How  much  they  scorn'd  the  saints,  the  few,         1580 

Who,  'cause  they  're  wasted  to  the  stumps, 

Are  represented  best  by  rumps. t 

But  Jesuits  have  deeper  reaches 

In  all  their  politic  far-fetches  ; 

And  from  the  Coptic  priest,  Kircherus,  1.585 

Found  out  this  mystic  way  to  jeer  us  :§ 

For,  as  the  Egyptians  us'd  by  bees 

T'  express  their  ancient  Ptolemies,|l 

And  by  their  stings,  the  swords  they  wore, 

Held  forth  authority  and  pow'r ;  1590 

Because  these  subtle  animals 

Bear  all  their  int'rests  in  their  tails  ; 

And  when  they  're  once  impair'd  in  that, 


*  Persons  wearing  the  sambenito:  a  straight  yellow  coat 
without  sleeves,  having  the  picture  of  the  devil  painted  upon 
it  in  black,  wherein  the  officers  of  the  inquisition  disguise  and 
expose  heretics  alter  their  condemnation. 

f  The  several  pleasant  arguments  which  follow,  may  be  seen 
in  a  prose  tract  of  the  author's,  called  a  speech  made  at  the 
Rota.     Remains,  vol.  i.  page  3-30. 

+  Lord  Clarendon  says,  they  were  called  the  rump  parlia- 
ment, as  being  the  fag  end  of  a  carcass  long  since  expired  : 
they  were  reduced  to  less  than  a  tenth  part  of  their  original 
number. 

$  The  Christians  in  Egypt  are  called  Coptics,  from  a  city  in  or 
near  which  many  of  them  dwelt.  [Dr.  Nash  settles  the  ques- 
tion of  Coptic  very  easily;  but  if  the  reader  has  any  wish  to 
puzzle  his  brains  in  a  research  upon  this. point,  he  has  only  to 
turn  to  any  work  where  ancient  Egypt  is  treated  of,  and  he  will 
immediately  get  into  an  etymological  chase  with  Cupti,  Giptu, 
Gibbetu,  .^gopthus,  and  King  Cople,  that  will  assure  him  good 
sport  and  carry  him  far  beyond  the  Doctor's  city;  as  may  be 
seen  from  a  glance  at  Todd's  definition, — "  Coptick,  from  Cop- 
"tus,  converted,  by  changing  K  intoG,  into  the  Gr.  Aiyunros."] 
Athanasius  Kircher,  the  Jesuit,  wrote  many  books  on  the  an- 
tiquities of  Egypt,  one  of  them  is  called  ODdipus  Egyptiacus  ; 
'or  which  he  says  he  studied  the  Egyptian  mysteries  twenty 
years. 

II  As  the  Egyptians  anciently  represented  their  kings  under 
the  emblem  of  a  bee,  which  has  the  power  of  dispensing  bene- 
fits and  inflicting  punishments  by  its  honey  ana  its  sting,  though 
the  poet  attends  principally  to  the  energy  which  it  bears  in  its 
tail;  so  the  citizens  cf  London  signilicantly  represented  this 
fag-end  of  a  parliament  by  the  rumps,  or  tail-parts,  of  sheep  and 
other  animals:  some  editions  read  antique  Ptolemies. 


Canto  ii.]  HUDIBRAS.  435 

Are  banish'd  their  well-order'd  state  : 

They  thought  all  governments  were  best  1593 

By  hieroglyphic  rumps  exprest. 

For,  as  in  bodies  natural, 

The  rump's  the  fundament  of  all ; 

So,  in  a  commonwealth  or  realm. 

The  government  is  called  the  helm  ;  1600 

With  which,  like  vessels  under  sail, 

They're  turn'd  and  winded  by  the  tail. 

The  tail,  which  birds  and  fishes  steer, 

Their  courses  with,  thro'  sea  aud  air ; 

To  whom  the  rudder  of  the  rump  is  1605 

The  same  thing  with  the  stern  and  compass, 

This  shews,  how  perfectly  the  rump 

And  commonwealth  in  nature  jump. 

For  as  a  fly  that  goes  to  bed. 

Rests  with  his  tail  above  his  head,*  1610 

So,  in  this  mongrel  state  of  ours. 

The  rabble  are  the  supreme  powers, 

That  hors'd  us  on  their  backs,  to  show  us 

A  jadish  trick  at  last,  and  throw  us. 

The  learned  rabbins  of  the  jews  1615 

Write,  there's  a  bone,  which  they  call  Iuez,t 

*  Several  sorts  of  flies,  having  their  fore  leps  shorter  than 
their  hind  legs,  are  generally  seen  at  rest  with  their  heads 
downward. 

t  Eben  Ezra,  and  Manasseh  Ben  Israel,  taught,  that  there  is 
a  bone  in  the  rump  of  a  man  of  the  size  and  shape  of  half  j^ 
pea;  from  which,  as  from  an  incorruptible  seed,  the  Vifhole  mm 
would  be  perfectly  tbrmed  at  the  resurrection.  Remains,  vol.i. 
p.  320.  The  rabbins  found  their  wild  conjectures  on  Genesis,  c. 
xlviii.  V.  2  and  3,  where  Liiz  seems  to  mean  the  name  of  a 
place,  not  of  a  bone.  "And  Jacob  said  unto  Joseph,  God  Al- 
"  mighty  appeared  unto. me  at  Luz,  in  the  land  of  Canaan,  am" 
'  blessed  me,  and  said,  Behold  I  will  make  thee  fruitful,  ana 
"  multiply  thee,  and  1  will  make,  thee  a  multitude  of  people, 
"  and  will  give  this  land  to  thy  seed  after  thee  for  an  everlasting 
,"  Dossession."  See  more,  Agrippa  de  occulta  philosophia,  1.  i. 
c.  20.  Buxtorf,  in  his  Chaldean  Dictionary,  under  the  word  Luz, 
says,  it  is  the  name  of  a  human  bone,  which  the  Jews  look 
upon  as  incorruptible.  In  a  book  called  Breshith  Rabboth,  sect 
28,  it  is  said,  that  Adrian  reducing  the  bones  to  powder,  askeo 
the  rabbin  Jehoshuanj,-  (Jesuah  the  son  of  Hanniah)  how  God 
would  raise  man  at  the  day  of  judgment  7  from  the  Luz,  replied 
the  rabbin:  how  do  you  know  it 7  says  .•\drian  :  bring  nie  one 
and  you  shall  see,  says  Jehoshuang ;  one  was  produced,  and  al 
methods,  by  fire,  pounding,  &c.  tried,  hut  in  vain.  (French 
note.)  In  the  General  Dictionary,  art.  Barchochebas,  (or,  th» 
son  of  the  star,)  we  read,  that  the  Jewish  authors  suppose  thai 
Hadrian  was  in  person  in  the  war  against  the  Jews,  anil  that  he 
besieged  and  took  the  city  of  Bitter,  and  that  he  then  had  this 
conference  with  the  rabbi.  See  Manasse  Ben-Israel  de  Resn'- 
/ectione,  lib,  ii.  cap,  l.'j. 


136  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  hi 

I'  th'  rump  of  man,  of  such  a  virtue, 

No  force  iu  nature  can  do  hurt  to  ; 

And  therefore,  at  the  last  great  day, 

All  th'  other  members  shall,  they  say,  162C 

Spring  out  of  this,  as  from  a  seed 

All  sorts  of  vegetals  proceed ; 

From  whence  the  learned  sons  of  art, 

Os  sacrum  justly  stile  that  part  :* 

Then  what  can  better  represent,  1623 

Than  this  rump  bone,  the  parliament? 

That  after  sev'ral  rude  ejections, 

And  as  prodigious  resurrections, 

With  new  reversions  of  nine  lives. 

Starts  up,  and,  like  a  cat,  revives?!  1630 

But  now  alas  !  they  'ro  all  expir'd, 

And  th'  house,  as  well  as  members,  fir'd ; 


*  The  lowest  of  the  vertehrse,  or  rather  the  bone  below  the 
vertebrae,  is  so  called  ;  not  for  the  reason  wittily  assigned  by 
our  poet,  but,  as  Bartholine  says,  because  it  is  much  bigger  than 
any  of  the  vertebra?, — vel  quod  parlibus  obscoenis,  naturi  ips^ 
occultatis,  subjacet ;  sacrum  enim  execrabile  ;  as  in  Virgil : 

Auri  sacra  fames. 

t  The  rump,  properly  so  called,  began  at  Colonel  Pride's  Purge 
above-mentioned,  a  little  before  the  king's  death  ;  and  had  the 
supreme  authority  about  five  years.  Cromwell,  Lambert,  Harri- 
son, &c.,  turned  out  the  rump,  April  2.3, 1653,  and  soon  afterward 
Cromwell  usurped  the  administration,  and  held  it  almost  five 
years  more.  After  Cromwell's  death,  and  the  deposition  of  his 
srin  Richard,  the  rump  parliament  was  restored  by  Lambert  and 
other  oiRcers  of  the  army,  the  excluded  members  not  being  per- 
mitted to  sit.  They  began  their  meeting  May  7,  1659,  in  number 
about  forty-two.  On  some  animosities  and  quarrels  between 
them  and  the  army,  they  were  prevented  again  from  sitting,  by 
Lambert  and  the  officers,  October  13,  in  the  same  year.  After 
this,  the  officers  chose  a  committee  of  safety  of  twenty-three 
persons.  These  administered  the  atiairs  of  government  till 
December  20,  when,  finding  themselves  generally  hated  and 
slighted,  and  wanting  money  to  pay  the  soluiers,  Fleetwood  and 
the  rest  of  them  desired  the  rump  to  return  to  the  exercise  of 
their  trust.  At  length,  by  means  of  General  Monk,  about  eighty 
of  the  old  secluded  members  resumed  their  places  in  the  house  ; 
upon  which  most  of  the  runipers  quitted  it.  Mr.  Butler,  in  his 
Genuine  Remains,  vol.  i.  p.  320,  says,  "  Nothing  can  bear  a  nearer 
"resemblance  to  the  luz,  or  rump-bone  of  the  ancient  rabbins, 
"  than  the  present  parliament,  that  has  been  so  many  years 
"dead,  and  rotten  under  grounil,  to  any  man's  thinking,  that  the 
"  ghosts  of  some  of  the  members  thereof  have  transmigrated 
"into  other  parliaments,  and  some  into  those  parts  from  whencs 
"  there  is  no  redemption,  should  nevertheless,  at  two  several  and 
"respective  resurrections  start  up,  like  the  dragon's  teeth  that 
"  were  sown,  into  living,  natural,  and  carnal  members.  And, 
"  hence  it  is,  I  suppose,  that  the  physicians  and  anatomists  call 
'this  bone  os  sacrum,  or  the  holy  bone." 


Canto  ii.]  HUDIBRAS.  437 

Consum'd  in  kennels  by  the  rout, 

With  which  they  other  fires  put  out ; 

Condemn'd  t'  ungoverning  distress,  1635 

And  paltry  private  wretchedness  ; 

Worse  than  the  devil  to  privation, 

Beyond  all  hopes  of  restoration  ; 

And  parted,  like  the  body  and  soul, 

From  all  dominion  and  controul.*  1640 

We  who  could  lately,  with  a  look. 

Enact,  establish,  or  revoke, 

Whose  arbitrary  nods  gave  law. 

And  frowns  kept  multitudes  in  awe  ; 

Before  the  bluster  of  whose  huff,  1645 

All  hats,  as  in  a  storm,  flew  off; 

Ador'd  and  bow'd  to  by  the  great, 

Down  to  the  footman  and  valet ; 

Had  more  bent  knees  than  chapel  mats, 

And  prayers  than  the  crowns*of  hats,  1650 

Shall  now  bo  sconi'd  as  wretchedly  : 

For  ruin's  just  as  low  as  high  ; 

Which  might  be  sufFer'd,  were  it  all 

The  horror  that  attends  our  fall : 

For  some  of  us  have  scores  more  large  1655 

Than  heads  and  quarters  can  discharge  ; 

And  others,  who,  by  restless  scraping, 

With  public  frauds,  and  private  rapine, 

Have  mighty  heaps  of  wealth  amass'd. 

Would  gladly  lay  down  all  at  last ;  1660 

And,  to  be  but  undone,  entail 

Their  vessels  on  perpetual  jail. 

And  bless  the  devil  to  let  them  farms 

Of  forfeit  souls,  on  no  worse  terms. 

This  said,  a  near  and  louder  shout .  1665 

t  Put  all  th'  assembly  to  the  rout. 
Who  now  began  t'  out-run  their  fear. 
As  horses  do,  from  those  they  bear  ; 
But  crowded  on  with  so  much  haste. 
Until  they  'd  block'd  tiie  passage  fast,  1670 

And  barricado'd  it  with  haunches 


*  These  lines  paint  well  the  hiinyer  and  thirst  after  power  in 
ambitious  minds.  Aristotle's  Politic,  lib  3,  relates  the  complaint 
of  Jason,  that  when  he  h:id  not  empire,  he  was  famished,  for 
he  knew  not  how  to  live  as  a  private  man.  Commentators 
think  Tiberius  alluded  to  this  sayins;  in  his  rebuke  to  Agrippina, 
recorded  by  Tacitus,  An.  iw.  52,  an  J  Suetonius  in  Tiberio,  cap. 
53.  "  What,  child,  because  yon  do  not  govern  us  all,  do  yoti 
"  think  yourself  wronged  ;" 


438  HUDlbRAS.  [Part  m 

Of  outward  men,  and  bulks  and  paunches, 

That  with  their  shoulders  strove  to  squeeze. 

And  rather  save  a  crippled  piece 

Of  all  their  crusli'd  and  broken  members,  lo75 

Than  have  them  grilly'd  on  the  embers  ; 

Still  pressing  on  with  heavy  packs 

Of  one  another  on  their  backs. 

The  van  guard  could  no  longer  bear 

The  charges  of  the  forlorn  rear,  1680 

But,  borne  down  headlong  by  the  rout. 

Were  trampled  sorely  under  foot ; 

Yet  nothing  prov'd  so  formidable. 

As  th'  horrid  cook'ry  of  the  rabble : 

And  fear,  that  keeps  all  feelings  out,  1685 

As  lesser  pains  are  by  the  gout, 

Reliev'd  'em  with  a  fresh  supply 

Of  rally'd  force,  enough  to  fly. 

And  beat  a  Tuscan  winning  horse. 

Whoso  jockey-rider  is  all  spurs.*  1690 

*  Races  of  this  kind  are  practised  both  in  the  Corso  at  Rome 
and  at  Florence.  At  Rome,  in  the  carnival,  there  are  five  or 
six  horses  trained  on  purpose  for  this  diversion.  They  are 
drawn  up  abreast  in  the  Piazza  del  Populo;  and  certain  balls, 
with  little  sharp  spikes,  are  hung  along  their  rumps,  which  serve 
to  spar  them  ou  as  soon  as  they  be;:iu  to  run 


PART  III.     CANTO  III. 

THK   ARGUMENT. 

The  Knight  and  Squire's  prodigious  digb( 
To  quit  th'  enchanted  bow'r  by  night. 
He  plods  to  turn  his  amorous  suit, 
T'  a  plea  in  law,  and  prosecute : 
Repairs  to  counsel,  to  advise 
'Bout  managing  the  enterprise  ; 
But  first  resolves  to  try  by  letter, 
Aod  one  more  fair  address,  to  get  her. 


HUDIBRAS. 


CANTO  III* 

Who  would  believe  what  strange  bugbears 

Mankind  creates  itself,  of  fears, 

That  spring,  liko  fern,  that  insect  weed, 

Equivocally,  without  seed,t 

And  have  no  possible  foundation,  8 

But  merely  in  th'  imagination? 

And  yet  can  do  more  dreadful  feats 

Than  hags,  with  all  their  imps  and  teats ; 

Make  more  bewitch  and  haunt  themselves, 

Than  all  their  nurseries  of  elves.  10 

For  fear  does  things  so  like  a  witch,  , 


*  The  Editor  was  much  inclined  to  follow  the  plan  of  the 
French  translMtor,  and  place  this  hefore  the  preceding  canto; 
but  he  wiis  afraid  to  alter  the  form  which  Butler  himself  had 
made  choice  of,  especiallyas  the  poet  had  taken  the  pains  to  re- 
capitulate and  explain  the  foregoing  adventure,  and  bring  it  back 
to  the  reader's  nieinor.y. 

t  He  calls  it  an  insect  weed,  on  the  supposition  of  its  being 
bred,  as  many  insects  were  thoncht  to  be,  not  by  the  natural 
generation  of  their  own  kinds,  but  by  the  corruption  of  other 
substances,  or  tjie  spontaneous  fecundity  uf  matter.  This  is  call- 
ed equivocal  generation,  in  contradistinction  to  unequivocal,  or 
that  which  is  brought  about  by  a  natural  succession  and  deriva- 
tion, from  an  egg,  a  seed,  or  a  root,  of  the  same  animal  or  vege- 
table. Plants  of  the  cryptogamia  class,  ferns,  mosses,  flags,  and 
funguses,  have  their  seeds  and  flowers  so  small  as  not  to  be 
discernible;  so  that  the  ancients  held  them  to  be  without  seed. 
Pliny,  in  his  Natural  History,  says,  Filicis  duo  genera,  nee  flo- 
rerri  habent,  nee  semen,  (lib.  x.wii.  c.  9.)  Rlr.  Purliam  says,  the 
capsulas  are  hardly  a  quarter  so  big  as  a  grain  of  sand,  and  yet 
may  contain  an  hundred  seeds.  fOur  ancestors,  believing  that 
this  plant  produced  seed  that  was  invisible,  concluded  that  those 
who  possessed  the  secret  of  wearing  it  about  them  would  be- 
come likewise  invisible.     See  Henry  IV.  Part  I. 

Gads. We  steal  as  in  a  castle,  cocksure  ;  we  have  the 

receipt  of  fzm-seed,  we  walk  invisible. 

Cliamb.  Nay,  by  my  faith  ;  I  think,  you  are  more  beholden  to 
the  night ] 


Canto  ni.]  HUDIBRAS.  441 

'Tis  hard  t'  unriddle  which  is  which ; 

Sets  up  communities  of  senses, 

To  chop  and  change  intelligences  ; 

As  Rosicruciau  virtuosi's  15 

Can  see  with  ears,  and  hear  with  nos&S  •* 

And  when  they  neither  see  nor  hear. 

Have  more  than  both  supply'd  by  fear, 

That  makes  them  in  the  dark  see  visions, 

And  hag  themselves  with  apparitions,  20 

And,  when  their  eyes  discover  least, 

Discern  the  subtlest  objects  best ; 

Do  things  not  contrary  alone, 

To  th'  course  of  nature,  but  its  own,t 

The  courage  of  the  bravest  daunt,  23 

And  turn  poltroons  as  valiant : 

For  men  as  resolute  appear 

With  too  much,  as  too  little  fear ; 

And,  when  they  're  out  of  hopes  of  flying. 

Will  rim  away  from  death,  by  dying  ;t  30 

Or  turn  again  to  stand  it  out, 

And  those  they  fled,  like  lions,  rout. 

*  A  banter  on  the  marquis  of  Worcestpr's  scantlings  of  inven- 
tions. Edmund  Somerset,  marquis  of  Worcester,  published,  in 
1663,  a  century  of  the  names  and  scantlings  of  sucii  inventions, 
as,  says  he,  "I  can  call  to  mind  to  have  tried  and  perfected." 
The  book  is  a  mere  table  of  contents,  a  list  only  of  an  hundred 
projects,  mostly  impossibilities;  though  he  pretends  to  have  dis- 
covered the  art  of  performing  all  of  them.  How  uj  make  an  un 
sinkable  ship— how  to  sail  against  wind  and  tide — how  to  fly — 
how  to  use  all  the  senses  indifferently  for  each  other,  to  talk  by 
colors,  and  to  read  by  the  taste — how  to  conve-ie  by  the  jan- 
gling of  bells  out  of  tune,  &c.  &c.  For  an  account  of  the  mar- 
quis of  VVo-cester,  see  Walpole's  Catalogue  of  Noble  Authors; 
and  Collins's  Peerage,  article  Beaufort,  where  is  that  most  ex 
traordinary  patent  which  Charles  the  First  granted  to  the  mar 
luis.  Panurge,  in  Rabelais,  says:  que  ses  lunettes  lui  faisoient 
entendre  beaucoup  plus  cluir.  Shakspeare,  in  his  Midsnnimer 
Night's  Dream,  says,  "  He  is  gone  to  see  a  noise  that  he  heard  " 
"  This  is  an  art  to  teach  men  to  see  with  their  ears,  and  hear 
"  with  their  eyes  and  noses,  as  it  has  been  found  true  by  expe- 
"rience  and  demonstration,  if  we  may  believe  th-^  history  of  the 
"  Spaniard,  that  could  see  words,  and  swallow  music  by  holding 
"  the  peg  of  a  fiddle  between  his  teeth,  or  him  >hat  could  sing 
"his  part  backward  at  first  sight,  which  those  that  were  near 
"him  might  hear  with  their  noses."  Bailer's  Bemains,  vol.  ii 
p.  245.  Our  poet  probably  means  to  ridicule  Sir  Kenelm  Digby, 
and  some  treatises  written  by  Dr.  Bulvver,  author  of  the  Artifi- 
cial Changeling. 

t  Suppose  we  read  ; 

but  their  own. 

}  Hostem  dum  fugeret,  se  Fannius  ipse  pe'emit, 

Hie,  rogo,  non  furor  est,  no  moriare,  mori. 

Mart.  lib.  2,  Ep.  8a 
19* 


442  lIUblBRAS.  [Part  m. 

This  Hudibras  had  prov'd  too  trae, 
Who,  by  the  furies,  left  perdue, 

And  haunted  with  detachments,  sent  35 

From  marshall  Legion's  regiment,* 
Was  by  a  fiend,  as  counterfeit, 
Reliev'd  and  rescu'd  with  a  cheat. 
When  nothing  but  himself,  and  fear, 
Was  both  the  imps  and  conjurer  ;t  40 

As  by  the  rules  o'  th'  virtuosi, 
It  follows  in  due  form  of  poesie. 

Disguis'd  in  all  the  masks  of  night. 
We  left  our  champion  on  his  flight. 
And  blindman's  buff,  to  grope  his  way,  45 

In  equal  fear  of  night  and  day  ; 
Who  took  his  dark  and  desp'rate  course, 
He  knew  no  better  than  his  horse  ; 
And  by  an  unknown  devil  led,t 

He  knew  as  little  whither,  fled,  5C 

He  never  was  in  greater  need, 
Nor  less  capacity  of  speed  ; 
Disabled,  both  in  man  and  beast. 
To  fly  and  run  away,  his  best  :§ 
To  4ieep  the  enemy,  and  fear,  55 

From  equal  falling  on  his  rear. 
And  though,  with  kicks  and  bangs  he  ply'd, 
The  further  and  the  nearer  side  ; 

*  Dr.  Grey  supposes  that  Ste[)hen  Marshal,  a  famous  preacher 
amona  the  Presbyterians,  is  here  intended.  But  the  word  mar- 
shal, I  am  inclined  to  think,  denotes  a  title  of  office  and  rank, 
not  the  name  of  any  particular  man.  Legion  may,  in  this  place, 
be  used  for  the  name  of  a  leader,  or  captain  of  a  company  of 
devils,  not  the  company  itself.  The  meaning  is,  that  the  knight 
w.ts  haunted  by  a  crew  of  devils,  such  as  that  in  the  Gospel, 
which  claimed  the  name  of  Legion,  because  they  were  many; 
though  it  might  be  a  devilish  mortification  to  attend  the  sermons 
of  Dr.  Burgess  and  Stephen  Marshal,  who  are  said  to  have 
preached  before  the  House  of  Commons  for  above  seven  hours 
without  ceasing. 

t  The  poet,  with  great  wit,  rallies  the  imaginary  and  ground- 
less fears  which  possess  some  persons :  and  from  whence  pro- 
ceed the  tales  of  ghosts  and  apparitions,  imps,  conjurers,  and 
witches.  TuUy  says,  nolite  enim  putare — eos  qui  aliquid  impie 
scelerateque  conuniserint,  agitari  et  perterreri  furiarum  tsdis  ar- 
dentibus;  sua  quenique  fraus,  et  suus  terror  maxime  vexat: 
suum  quenique  scelus  agitat,  anientiaque  afficit :  sum  mala;  co- 
gitationes  conscientia-que  aiiimi  terrenl.  Hffi  suntimpiis  assidu® 
domesticaique  furia;.  Pro  S.  Roscio,  cap.  .\xiv.  The  same  thought 
may  be  lound  in  the  Athenian  orator,  .iEschines. 

t  It  was  Ralpho  who  conveyed  the  knight  out  of  the  widow'* 
house,  though  unknown. 

6  That  is,  to  do  his  best  at  flying  and  running  away,  in  order 
to  keep  the  enemy,  and  fear,  from  falling  equally  on  his  rear. 


Canto  ui.]  HUDIBRAS.  443 

As  seamen  ride  with  all  their  force, 

And  tug  as  if  they  row'd  the  horse,  60 

And  when  the  hackney  sails  most  swift, 

Believe  they  lag,  or  run  a-drift ; 

So,  tho'  he  posted  e'er  so  fast. 

His  fear  was  greater  than  his  haste : 

For  fear,  though  fleeter  than  the  wind,  63 

Believes  'tis  always  left  behind. 

But  when  the  morn  began  t'  appear, 

And  shift  t'  another  scene  his  fear. 

He  found  his  new  ofBcions  shade. 

That  came  so  timely  to  his  aid,  70 

And  forc'd  him  from  the  foe  t'  escape. 

Had  turn'd  itself  to  Ralpho's  shape. 

So  like  in  person,  garb,  and  pitch, 

'Twas  hard  t'  interpret  which  was  which. 

For  Ralpho  had  no  sooner  told  75 

The  lady  all  he  had  t'  unfold. 
But  she  convey'd  him  out  of  sight. 
To  entertain  th'  approaciiing  Knight ; 
And  while  he  gave  himself  diversion, 
T'  accommodate  his  beast  and  person,  80 

And  put  his  beard  into  a  posture 
At  best  advantage  to  accost  her, 
She  order'd  th'  anti-masquerade. 
For  his  reception,  aforesaid  : 

But,  when  the  ceremony  was  done,  85 

The  lights  put  out,  the  furies  gone. 
And  Hudibras,  among  the  rest, 
Convey'd  away,  as  Ralpho  guess'd,* 
The  wretched  caiti'fF,  all  alone. 

As  he  believ'd,  began  to  moan,  Qt 

And  tell  his  story  to  himself. 
The  Knight  mistook  him  for  an  elf ; 
And  did  so  still,  till  he  began 
To  scruple  at  Ralph's  outward  man. 
And  thought,  because  they  oft'  agreed  95 

T'  appear  in  one  another's  stead. 
And  act  the  saint's  and  devil's  part, 
With  undistinguishable  an. 
They  might  have  done  so  now,  perhaps, 

*  It  is  here  said  tliat  Ralpho  guessed  his  master  was  conveyed 
4way,  and  that  he  believed  himself  to  be  all  alone  when  he  had 
made  his  lamentation  :  but  this  seems  to  l)e  a  slip  of  memory  ia 
the  poet,  for  some  parts  of  his  lamentations  are  not  at  all  appli- 
ccble  to  his  own  case,  but  plainly  designed  for  his  master's  hear 
ing;  such  are  v.  1371,  &c.  of  Part  iii.  c.  1. 


444  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  m 

And  put  on  one  auotlier's  shapes  ;  100 

And  therefore,  to  resolve  the  doubt, 

He  star'd  upon  him,  and  cry'd  out, 

What  art?  my  Squire,  or  that  bold  sprite 

That  took  his  place  and  shape  to-night?* 

Sone  busy  independent  pug,  lOi 

Retainer  to  his  synagogue  ? 

Alas  !  quoth  he,  I'm  none  of  those 

Your  bosom  friends,  as  you  suppose, 

But  Ralph  himself,  your  trusty  Squire, 

Who  'as  dragg'd  your  donship  out  o'  the  mire,t       110 

And  from  th'  enchantments  of  a  widow. 

Who  'ad  turn'd  you  int'  a  beast,  have  freed  you ; 

And,  Iho'  a  prisoner  of  war. 

Have  brought  you  safe,  where  now  you  are  ; 

Which  you  wou'd  gratefully  repay,  115 

Your  constant  presbyteriaii  way.t 

That's  stranger,  quoth  the  Knight,  and  stranger, 

Who  gave  thee  notice  of  my  danger  ; 

Quoth  he,  Th'  infernal  conjurer 
Pursu'd,  and  took  me  prisoner  ;  120 

And,  knowing  you  were  hereabout, 
Brought  me  along  to  find  you  out. 
Where  I,  ui  hugger-mugger  hid,§ 
Have  noted  all  tliey  said  or  did : 
And,  tho'  they  lay  to  him  the  pageant,  125 

I  did  not  see  him  nor  his  agent ; 
Who  play'd  their  sorceries  out  of  sight, 
T'  avoid  a  fiercer  second  fight. 
But  didst  thou  see  no  devils  then? 
Not  one,  quoth,  he,  but  carnal  men,  130 

A  little  worse  than  fiends  in  hell, 
And  that  she-devil  Jezebel, 
That  laugh'd  and  tee-he'd  with  derisior 
To  see  them  take  your  deposition. 


*  Sir  Hudihras,  we  rriMy  remeniher,  thnngh  he  had  nn  nbjectiott 
to  consult  with  evil  spirits,  did  not  speak  of  them  with  much 
respect. 

t  The  word  don  is  often  used  lo  sienify  a  knieht. 

t  Tlie  poet  still  preserves  the  wrangling  temper  of  the  dissent- 
ing brethren. 

^  'i'hiis  Shakspeare,  in  Hamlet:  "  We  have  ilone  but  greenly 
"  in  livffi;er-inii!rger  to  inter  him,  poor  Ophelia."  "  All  the  mod 
"  em  edition","  says  Dr.  Johnson.  "  give  it,  inprivate  ;  if  phrase- 
"  ology  is  lo  be  changed,  as  words  grow  uncouth  by  disuse,  or 
"gross  by  vulcarity,  the  history  of  every  language  will  be  lost ; 
"we  shall  no  longer  have  tho  words  of  any  author,  and  as  these 
"alterations  will  often  be  unskilfully  made,  we  shall  in  time 
«  have  very  little  of  his  meaning." 


Canto  ni.]  HUDIBRAS.  445 

What  then,  quoth  Hudibras,  was  he  135 

That  play'd  the  dev'l  to  examine  me  ? 
A  rallying  weaver  in  the  town,* 
That  did  it  in  a  parson's  gown, 
Whom  all  the  parish  take  for  gifted. 
But,  for  my  part,  I  ne'er  believ'd  it:  140 

In  which  you  told  them  all  your  feats, 
Your  conscientious  frauds  and  cheats  ; 
Deny'd  your  whipping,  and  confess'd,t 


*  This  line  should  begin  a  new  paragraph,  as  it  belongs  to  a 
new  and  different  speaker. 

t  It  has  been  supposed  that  the  person  here  meant  was  Wil- 
liams, liishop  of  Lincoln,  afterwards  archbishop  of  York.  Some 
of  his  tracts  seem  to  apologize  for  the  dissenters.— Letter  to  the 
Vicar  of  Grantham. — And  Holy  Table,  name  and  thing  ;  against 
placing  the  communion-table  at  the  east  end  of  the  chancel,  and 
setting  rails  before  it.  He  delivered  the  town  and  castle  of  Con- 
wy* to  the  parliament,  and  had  a  jirivate  conference  with  Prynne 
and  others  :  was  certauily  a  violent  opponent  of  Laud,  and  for 
some  time  a  favorite  with  the  dissenters.  Perhaps  his  great  pas- 
sion, pride,  and  vanity,  failings,  as  my  worthy  friend  Mr.  Pennant 
says,  (Tour  in  Wales,  vol.  ii.  p.  295.)  to  which  his  countrymen 
are  often  subject,  might  have  occasioned  him  to  espouse  the  in- 
terest of  the  dissenters,  in  order  to  show  his  resentment  to  Laud 
and  Wren.  In  the  same  spirit  he  is  lhoui;ht  to  have  delivered 
Conwy  to  General  Mytton,  because  he  had  been  superseded  in 
the  custody  of  that  place  by  Prince  Rupert.  In  the  Gentleman's 
Magazine  lor  October,  1789,  is  a  letter  from  Oliver  Cromwell  to 
Archbishop  Williams,  from  vv'hich  it  appears  that  there  was  a 
pood  understanding  between  them.  The  date  is  September  1, 
1647.  Others  have  imagined  that  this  ptissace  alludes  to  Gra- 
ham, bishop  of  Orkney,  or  Adair,  bishop  of  Kilala.  In  Keith's 
Lives  of  the  Scottish  Bishops,  the  former,  we  read,  was  translated 
from  Dunblane  to  Orkney;  which  see  he  held  from  1615  to  1638. 
He  was  very  rich,  and  being  threatened  by  the  assembly  of  Glas- 
gow, he  renounced  his  episcopal  function  ;  and  in  a  letter  to  that 
assembly  declared  his  unfeigiled  sorrow  and  grief  for  having  ex- 
ercised so  sinful  an  office  in  the  church.  In  the  Catalogue  of 
the  Bishops  of  Scotland  to  1688,  Edin.  1755,  occurs  Alexander 
Lindsay,  who  continued  in  the  see  of  Dunkeld  till  1638,  when 
he  renounced  his  office,  abjured  episcopacy,  submitted  to  Pres- 
byterian parity,  and  accepted  from  the  then  rulers  his  former 
church  of  St.  Mado's.  In  the  opiniim  of  others  this  reflection 
was  designed  for  Croft,  bishop  of  Hereford ;  who,  though  he 
could  not  have  been  directly  intended  by  the  squire,  might,  per- 
haps, be  obliquely  glanced  at  by  the  poet.  In  1675,  two  or  three 
years  before  the  publication  of  this  part  of  the  poem,  came  out 
a  pamphlet  by  an  anonymous  writer,  but  generally  attributed  to 
the  bishop  of  Hereford,  called.  The  naked  Trvtk.  a  title  which 
gives  a  striking  air  of  probability  to  the  supposition.  In  this 
piece  the  distinction  of  the  three  orders  of  the  church  is  flatly 
denied,  and  endeavored  to  be  disproved  :  the  surplice,  bowing  to- 
wards the  altar,  kneeling  at  the  sacrament,  and  other  ceremonies 
of  the  church  are  condemned ;  while  most  of  the  pleas  for  non 

*  Coow;  signifies  the  irsl  or  chief  of  w&Un 


446  HUDIBRAS.  [Paki  iu 

The  naked  trutli  of  all  the  rest, 

More  plainly  than  the  rev'rend  writer  145 

That  to  our  churches  veil'd  his  miter  ; 

All  which  they  took  in  black  and  white, 

And  cudgell'd  me  to  underwrite. 

What  made  thee,  when  they  all  were  gone, 
And  none  but  thou  and  I  alone,  150 

To  act  the  devil,  and  forbear 
•To  rid  me  of  ray  hellish  fear  ? 

Quoth  he,  I  knew  your  constant  rate, 
And  frame  of  sp'rit  too  obstinate. 
To  be  by  me  prevail'd  upon,  155 

With  any  motives  of  my  own  ; 
And  therefore  strove  to  counterfeit 
The  dev'l  awhile,  to  nick  your  wit ; 
The  devil  that  is  your  constant  crony, 
That  only  can  prevail  upon  ye  ;  160 

Else  we  might  still  have  been  disputing. 
And  they  with  weighty  drubs  confuting. 

The  Knight,  who  now  began  to  find 
They  'd  left  the  enemy  behind, 

And  saw  no  further  harm  remain,  165 

But  feeble  weariness  and  pain, 
Perceiv'd,  by  losing  of  their  way. 
They  'ad  gain'd  th'  advantage  of  the  day. 
And,  by  declining  of  the  road. 

They  had,  by  chance,  their  rear  made  good  ;         170 
He  ventur'd  to  dismiss  his  fear. 
That  parting's  wont  to  rant  and  tear, 
And  give  the  desp'ratest  attack 
To  danger  still  behind  its  back : 

For  having  paus'd  to  recollect,  175 

And  on  his  past  success  reflect, 
T'  examine  and  consider  why. 
And  whence,  and  how,  he  came  to  fly. 
And  when  no  devil  had  appear'd, 
What  else  it  could  be  said  he  fear'd,  180 

It  put  him  in  so  fierce  a  rage. 
He  once  resolv'd  to  re-engage  ; 
Toss'd,  like  a  foot-ball,  back  again 


confori»ists  are  speciously  and  zealously  supported.  This  pam- 
phlet tell  not  within  the  compass  of  time  comprised  in  the 
poem;  but  Mr.  Butler  might  think  proper  to  hint  at  it,  because 
it  made  a  great  noise,  and  was  much  talked  of.  Andiew  Mar- 
vell,  in  his  Rehearsal  Transprosed,  says,  it  Is  written  with  the 
pea  of  an  angcl. 


Canto  iii.J  HUDIBRAS.  447 

With  shame,  and  vengeance,  and  disdain.* 

Quoth  he.  It  was  thy  cowardice,  183 

Tiiat  made  me  from  this  leaguer  rise, 

And  when  I'd  half  reduc'd  the  place. 

To  quit  it  infamously  base. 

Was  better  cover'd  by  the  new 

Arriv'd  detachment,  than  I  knew  ;+       •  100 

To  slight  my  new  acquests,  and  run, 

Victoriously,  from  battles  won  ; 

And,  reck'ning  all  I  gain'd  or  lost. 

To  sell  them  cheaper  than  they  cost , 

To  make  me  put  myself  to  flight,  195 

And,  conqu'ring,  run  away  by  night ; 

To  drag  me  out,  which  th'  haughty  foe 

Durst  never  have  presum'd  to  do  ; 

To  mount  me  in  the  dark,  by  force. 

Upon  the  bare  ridge  of  my  horse,  800 

Expos'd  in  querpo  to  their  rage, 

Without  my  arms  and  equipage  ;t 

Lest,  if  they  ventur'd  to  pursue, 

I  might  th'  unequal  fight  renew  ; 

And,  to  preserve  my  outward  man,  205 

Assum'd  my  place,  and  led  the  van. 

All  this,  quoth  Ralph,  I  did,  'tis  true, 
Not  to  preserve  myself,  but  you : 
You,  who  were  damn'd  to  baser  drubs 
Than  wretches  feel  in  powd'ring  tubs,§  210 


*  aestuat  ingens 

Uno  in  corde  pudnr,  inixtoque  insania  luctu, 

Et  furiis  agitatus  auior,  et  conscia  virtus. 

.  •  ./Eneis  x.  870. 

t  Here  seems  a  defect  in  coherency  and  syntax.  The  Knight 
means,  that  it  was  dishonorable  in  him  to  quit  the  siege,  esj^- 
cially  when  reinforced  liy  the  arrival  of  the  Squire. 

t  Qu^rpu,  from  the  Spanish  cuerpo,  corpus,  here  signifies  a 
waistcoat,  or  close  jacket,  Butler,  in  MS.  Common-place  book, 
says,  all  coats  of  arms  were  defensive,  and  worn  upon  shields  ; 
though  the  ancient  use  of  them  is  now  given  over,  and  men  fight 
in  querpo.  See  Junii  Etymolog.  to  fight  in  buff.  ["  Boy,  my 
"cloak  and  rapier;  it  fits  not  a  gentleman  of  my  rank  to  walk 
the  strect<=  in  querpo."  Beaumont  and  Fletcher. — Love's  Cure 
ii.  I.] 

§  The  poet  often  leaves  room  for  various  conjectures.  Critics, 
to  explain  this  passage,  have  thought  of  the  Dutch  punishment 
of  pumping:  of  the  Salpetriere  prison  at  Paris:  of  the  martyrs 
ground  in  a  mill :  but  I  believe  il  alludes  to  the  old  method  ot 
attempting  to  cure  the  venereal  disease  by  siidorifics,  mentioned 
under  the  words  sweating-lanthorns — to  preserve  you  from  the 
blows  or  pains  (the  cause  for  the  eflfect)  more  severe  than  those 
which  venereal  patients  suffer  by  the  awkward  attempt  to  cure, 
before  the  use  of  met  .rury,  which  was  not  much  known  befora 


448  HUDIBRAS.  TPart  la 

To  mount  two-wheel'd  carroches,  worse 

Tliaii  managing  a  wooden  horse  ;* 

Dragg'd  out  thro'  straiter  holes  by  th'  ears, 

Eras'd  or  coup'd  for  perjurers  ;f 

Who,  tho'  th'  attempt  had  prov'd  in  vain,  213 

Had  had  no  reason  to  complain  ; 

But,  since  It  prosper'd,  'lis  unhandsome 

To  blame  the  hand  that  paid  your  ransom, 

And  rescu'd  your  obnoxious  bones 

From  unavoidable  battoons.  22(1 

The  enemy  was  reinforc'd, 

And  we  disabled  and  unhors'd, 

Disarm'd,  unqualify'd  for  fight, 

And  no  way  left  but  hasty  flight. 

Which,  tho'  as  desp'rate  in  th'  aftempt,t  225 

Has  giv'n  you  freedom  to  condemn  't. 

But  were  our  bones  in  fit  condition 

To  reinforce  the  expedition, 

'Tis  now.imseasonable  and  vain, 

To  think  of  falling  on  again  :  230 

No  martial  project  to  surprise 


the  restoration  :  Butler  is  so  loose  in  his  grammatical  constrtic- 
tion,  that  piiwiiering  may  allude  to  drubs,  and  signify  violent,  as 
at  V.  1055  of  this  canto  : 

I^aid  on  in  haste  with  such  a  powder. 
That  blows  grew  louder  and  still  louder. 

The  preacher's  pulpit  is  often  called  a  tub.  and  sonfietimes  a 
sweatin!»-tub,  from  the  violence  of  action  when  the  preacher 
thumped  the  cushion  like  a  drum.  In  a  ballad  ftlsely  ascribed 
to  Butler,  called  Oliver's  Court,  Posthumous  Works,  vol.  ii. 
p.  240 : 

If  it  be  one  of  the  en;»n^  tribe, 

Both  a  Pharisee  and  a  scribe. 

And  hath  learn'd  the  sniveling  tone 

Of  a  fluxt  devotion. 

Cursing  from  his  sweatinff-tub. 

Perhaps  it  would  be  better,  if  in  the  first  line  we  read,  cantitig 
tribe.    See  P.  ii.  c.  iii.  v.  759,  note. 

*  Carroche  properly  signifies  coach,  from  the  French  carrosse ; 
but  in  burlesque  it  is  a  cart,  particularly  that  in  which  convicts 
are  carried  to  execution.  Riding  the  wooden-horse  was  a  pun- 
ishjnent  inflicted  on  soldiers.  That  is,  you  who  was  damned,  or 
condemned  to  be  dragged,  &c. 

t  Erased,  in  heraldry,  is  when  a  member  seems  forcibly  torn, 
or  plucked  ofT  from  the  body,  so  that  it  looked  jagged  like  the 
teeth  of  a  saw;  it  is  used  in  contradistinction  to  couped,  which 
signifies  a  thing  cut  of}'  clean  and  smooth.  Set  in  the  pillory, 
and  coupeil,  from  the  French  coupj,  cropped.  The  knight  hiid 
Incurred  the  guilt  of  perjury. 

X  Suppose  we  read : 

Which,  tho'  Hwas  desp'rate 


Canto  inj  HUDIBRAS  449 

Can  ever  be  attempted  twice  ;* 

Nor  cast  design  serve  afterwards, 

As  gamesters  tear  their  losing  cards. 

Beside,  our  bangs  of  man  and  beast  235 

Are  fit  for  nothing  now  but  rest, 

And  for  a  while  will  not  be  able 

To  rally  and  prove  serviceable : 

And  therefore  I,  with  reason,  chose 

This  stratagem  t'  amuse  our  foes,  840 

To  make  an  hon'rable  retreat. 

And  wave  a  total  sure  defeat: 

For  those  that  fly  may  fight  again. 

Which  he  can  never  do  that 's  slain.t 

Hence  timely  running  's  no  mean  part  245 

Of  conduct,  in  the  martial  art. 

By  which  some  glorious  feats  achieve. 

As  citizens  by  breaking  thrive. 

And  cannons  conquer  armies,  while 

They  seem  to  draw  off  ^nd  recoil ;  250 

Is  held  the  gallant'st  course,  and  bravest,t 

To  great  exploits,  as'well  as  safest ; 

That  spares  th'  expense  of  time  and  pains, 

And  dang'rous  beating  out  of  brains  ; 

And,  in  the  end,  prevails  as  certain  255 

As  those  that  never  trust  to  fortune  ; 

But  make  their  fear  do  execution 

Beyond  the  stoutest  resolution  ; 

As  earthquakes  kill  without  a  blow, 

And,  only  trembling,  overthrow.  2G0 

*  A  coup  (is  main,  or  project  of  taking  by  surprise,  if  it  dees 
not  succeed  at  first,  ou^ht  not  to  be  persevered  in.  Non  licet  bis 
peccare,  is  a  known  military  maxim. 

t  Deniostlienes  justified  liis  flight  from  the  battle  of  C'hoeronea 
by  the  same  argument. 

'Avijp  &  (ptvyoiv  Kai  7ra^lv  nnx'ii'iTai. 
It  is  an  iambic  from  some  poet,  Anlus  Gellius,  Noct.  Attic,  lib 
17.  21.    Dr.  Jortin,  in  his  Tracts,  would  read, 

'Avfip  6  ipcuyiav  Koi  nd\iti  yi  (ptv^crai. 
He  who  has  an  inclination  to  read  more  concerning  this  Senarius 
proverbialis  quo  monemur  non  protinus  abjicere  animum,  siquid 
parum  feliciter  successerit,  nam  victos  posse  vincere  :  proinda 
Hoinerus, &c.,  may  consult  Erasm.  Adagia. — The  Satyre  M«,uip- 
p6e  has  the  idea  thus  expressed  : 

Sou  vent  celuy  qui  demenre 

Est  cause  de  son  meschef, 

Celuy  qui  fuit  de  bonne  heuio 

Pent  combattre  derechef. 
t  In  some  editions  we  read  : 

'Tis  h^'ld  the  gallant'st-^ 


4S0  HUDIBRAS.  [Partki 

If  til'  aiicieuts  crown'd  their  bravest  men 

That  only  sav'd  a  citizen, 

What  victory  cou'd  e'er  be  won. 

If  ev'ry  one  would  save  but  one  ? 

Or  fight  endanger'd  to  be  lost,  865 

Were  all  resolve  to  save  the  most  ? 

By  this  means,  when  a  battle's  won, 

The  war's  as  far  from  being  done  ; 

For  those  that  save  themselves  and  fly, 

Go  halves,  at  least,  i'  th'  victory  ;  27(i 

And  sometime,  when  the  loss  is  small, 

And  danger  great,  they  challenge  all ; 

Print  new  additions  to  their  feats. 

And  emendations  in  gazettes  ; 

And  when,  for  furious  haste  to  run,  87S 

They  durst  not  stay  to  fire  a  gun. 

Have  done  't  with  bonfires,  and  at  home 

Made  squibs  and  crackers  overcome  ; 

To  set  the  rabble  on  a  flame, 

And  keep  their  governors  from  blame,  28B 

Disperse  the  news  the  pulpit  tells,* 

Coufirm'd  with  fire- works  and  with  bells : 

And  tho'  reduc'd  to  that  extreme, 

They  have  been  forc'd  to  sing  Te  Deura : 

Yet,  with  religious  blasphemy,  285 

By  flattering  heav'n  with  a  lie  ; 

And,  for  their  beating,  giving  thanks, 

They  've  rais'd  recruits,  and  fiU'd  their  ranks  ;t 

*  "In  their  sermons,"  says  Burnet,  "and  chiefly  in  their 
"  prayers,  all  that  passed  in  the  state  was  canvassed.  Men  were 
"  as  good  as  named,  and  either  recommended  or  complained  of  to 
"  God,  as  they  were  odious  or  acceptable  to  them.  At  length 
"  this  humor  grew  so  petulant,  that  the  pulpit  was  a  scene  of 
"news  and  passion." 

t  It  has  been  an  ancient  and  very  freq  tent  practice  for  the 
vanquished  party  in  war  to  boast  of  victory,  and  even  to  ordain 
solemn  thanksgivings,  as  means  of  keeping  up  the  spirits  of  the 
people.  The  parliament  often  had  recourse  to  this  artifice,  and 
in  the  course  of  the  war  had  thirty-five  thanksgiving  days.  In 
the  first  notable  encounter,  at  Wickfield  near  Worcester,  Sep- 
tember 23,  1G42,  their  forces  received  a  total  defeat.  Whitelock 
says,  they  were  all  killed  or  routed,  and  only  one  man  lost  on 
the  king's  side.  Yet  the  parliamentarians  spread  about  printed 
papers  bragging  of  it  as  a  complete  victory,  and  ordained  a  special 
thanksgiving  in  London.  This  they  did  after  the  battle  of  Keyn^ 
ton,  and  the  second  fight  at  Newbery ;  but  particularly  when 
Sir  William  Waller  received  that  great  defeat  at  Roundway- 
down,  they  kept  a  thanksgiving  at~Gloucester,  and  made  re- 
joicings for  a  signal  victory,  which  they  pretended  he  had  gained 
for  them.  This  was  no  new  practice.  See  Polyaeni  Stratagem, 
lib.  1.  cap.  35,  and  44. — Stratocles  persuaded  the  Athenians  to 


Camto  III.]  HUDIBRAS.  451 

For  tliose  who  run  from  tli'  enemy, 

Engage  them  equally  to  fly  ;  290 

And  when  the  fight  becomes  a  chace, 

Those  win  the  day  that  win  the  race  ;* 

And  that  which  would  not  pass  in  fights. 

Has  done  the  feat  with  easy  flights  ;t 

Recover'd  many  a  desp'rate  campaign  295 

With  Bourdeaux,  Burgundy,  and  Champaign  ; 

Restor'd  the  fainting  high  and  mighty, 

With  brandy-wine,  and  aquavitse ; 

And  made  them  stoutly  overcome 

With  bacrack,  hoccamore  and  mum  ;t  300 

Whom  th'  uncontroll'd  decrees  of  fate 

To  victory  necessitate  ; 

With  whicl),  altlio'  they  run  or  bum,§ 

They  unavoidably  return ; 

Oi  else  their  sultan  populaces  305 

Still  strangle  all  their  routed  bassas.|l 

Quoth  Hudibras,  I  understand 
What  fights  thou  mean'st  at  sea  and  laiid, 
And  who  those  were  that  run  away, 
And  yet  gave  out  th'  had  won  the  day  ;'ir  310 

offer  a  sacrifice  to  the  gods,  by  way  of  thanks,  on  account  of 
their  having  defeated  their  enemies,  and  yet  he  knew  that  the 
Athenian  fleet  had  been  defeated.  When  the  trath  was  known, 
and  the  people  exasperated,  his  reply  was,  "  What  injury  have 
"  I  done  you  ?  it  is  owing  to  me  that  you  have  spent  three  days 
"  in  joy." — Catherine  of  Medicis  was  used  to  say,  that  a  false 
report,  if  believed  for  three  days,  might  save  a  state. — See  many 
stories  of  the  same  kind  in  the  General  Dictionary,  vol.  x.  p.  337. 
*  An  old  philosopher,  at  a  drinking  match,  insisted  that  he 
had  won  tlie  prize  because  he  was  first  drunk. 

t  Dolus  an  virtus  quis  in  hoste  requirit. 

+  The  first  is  an  excellent  kind  of  Rhenish  wine,  so  called 
from  a  town  of  that  name  in  the  lower  Palatinate.  [Bacharach. 
Henry  Stephens  preferred  this  wine  to  every  other.]  Heylin  de- 
rived the  name  of  bacrack  from  Bacclii  ara.  [It  was  an  ancient 
tradition.]  Hoccamore  is  what  we  call  old  hock.  Mum  is  a 
liquor  used  in  Germany,  and  made,  as  I  am  told,  from  wheat 
malted. 

^  That  is,  though  they  run  away,  or  their  ships  are  fired.  See 
V.  308. 

II  The  mob,  like  the  sultan  or  grand  seignior,  seldom  fail  to 
strangle  any  of  their  commanders,  called  bassas,  if  they  prove 
unsuccessful.  Thus  Waller  was  neglected  after  the  battle  of 
-Roundaway-down,  called  by  the  wits  Runaway-down. 

IT  The  poet.might  farther  have  illustrated  this  subject,  if  he 
had  known  the  contents  of  an  essay  lately  published  by  Mr. 
Maclaurin,  to  prove  that  Troy  really  was  not  taken  by  the 
Greeks.  See  the  Transactions  of  the  Royal  Society  of  Edin- 
burgh: this  whim  is  as  old  as  Dio  Chrysostom,  who  wrote  an 
elaborate  tract,  still  extant,  to  demonstrate  his  Faradoi. 


453  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  m 

Although  the  rabble  sous'd  them  for  't. 

O'er  head  and  ears,  in  rnud  and  dirt. 

Tis  true  our  modern  way  of  war 

Is  grown  more  politic  by  far,* 

But  not  so  resolute  and  bold,  315 

Nor  ty'd  to  honour,  as  the  old. 

For  now  they  laugli  at  giving  battle, 

Unless  it  be  to  herds  of  cattle  ; 

Or  fighting  convoys  of  provision, 

Tlie  whole  design  o'  th'  expedition,  320 

And  not  with  downright  blows  to  rout 

The  enemy,  but  eat  them  out : 

As  fighting,  in  all  beasts  of  prey, 

And  eating,  are  perform'd  one  way, 

To  give  defiance  to  their  teeth,  325 

And  fight  their  stubborn  guts  to  death  ; 

And  those  achieve  the  high'st  renown, 

That  bring  the  other  stomachs  down. 

There's  now  no  fear  of  wounds  nor  maiming. 

All  dangers  are  reduc'd  to  famine,  330 

And  feats  of  arms  to  plot,  design. 

Surprise,  and  stratagem,  and  mine  : 

But  have  no  need  nor  use  of  courage, 

Unless  it  be  for  gloiy,  or  forage  : 

For  if  they  fight  'tis  but  by  chance,  335 

When  one  side  vent'ring  to  advance. 

And  come  uncivilly  too  near. 

Are  charg'd  unmercifully  i'  th'  rear. 

And  forc'd,  with  terrible  resistance, 

To  keep  hereafter  at  a  distance,  340 


*  Mr.  Butler's  JIS.  Common-place  book  has  the  following 
ines" 

For  fighting  now  is  out  of  mode, 
And  stratageni's  the  only  road  ; 
Unless  in  th'  out-of  fashion  wars, 
Of  baih'roiis  Turks  and  Polanders. 
All  feats  of  arms  are  now  reduc'd 
To  chousing,  or  to  being  chous'd ; 
They  fight  not  now  to  overthrow. 
But  gall  or  circumvent  a  fne. 
And  watch  all  small  advantages 
As  if  they  fought  a  game  at  chess  ; 
And  he's  approv'd  the  most  deserving 
Who  longest  can  hold  out  at  starving. 
Who  makes  best  fricasees  of  cats, 

Of  frogs  and ,  and  mice  and  rats ; 

Pottage  of  vermin,  and  ragoos 
Of  trunks  and  boxes,  and  old  shoes. 
And  those  who,  like  th'  immortal  gods. 
Do  never  eat,  have  still  the  odds. 


Canto  ui.]  HUDIBRAS.  453 

To  pick  out  ground  t'  encamp  upon, 

Where  store  of  largest  rivers  run, 

Tliat  serve,  instead  of  peaceful  barriers, 

To  part  th'  engagements  of  their  warriors  ; 

Where  both  from  side  to  side  may  skip,  34S 

And  only  encounter  at  bo-peep : 

For  men  are  found  the  stouter-hearted, 

The  certainer  they're  to  be  parted. 

And  therefore  post  themselves  in  bogs, 

As  th'  ancient  mice  attack'd  the  frogs,*  35( 

And  made  their  mortal  enemy, 

The  water-rat,  their  strict  ally.t 

For  'tis  not  now,  who's  stout  and  bold  ? 

But,  \yho  bears  hunger  best,  and  cold  ?+ 

And  he's  approv'd  the  most  deserving,  353 

Who  longest  can  hold  out  at  starving ; 

And  he  that  routs  most  pigs  and  cows. 

The  formidablest  man  of  provvess.§ 

So  th'  emperor  Caligula, 

That  triumph'd  o'er  the  British  sea,||  360 

Took  crabs  and  oysters  prisoners. 

And  lobsters,  'stead  of  cuirassiers, IT 

Engag'd  his  legions  in  fierce  bustles 

With  periwinkles,  prawns,  and  muscles. 

And  led  his  troops  with  furious  gallops,  365 


*  Alluding  to  the  poem  on  the  battle  between  the  Mice  and 
the  Frogs  attributed  to  Homer. 

t  The  Dutch,  who  seemed  to  favor  the  parliamentarians. 

i  An  ordinance  was  passed  March  26.  1()44,  for  the  contribu- 
tion of  one  meal  a  week  toward  the  charge  of  the  army. 

§  A  sneer,  perhaps,  on  Venables  and  I'en,  who  were  unfor- 
tunate in  their  e.\pedition  against  the  Spaniards  at  St.  Domingo, 
in  the  year  10.55.  It  is  observed  of  them,  that  they  exercised 
their  valor  only  on  horses,  asses,  and  such  like,  making  a 
slaughter  of  all  they  met,  greedily  devouring  skins,  entrails,  and 
all,  to  satiate  their  hunger.  See  Harleian  Miscellany,  vol.  iii. 
No.  xii.  pp.  494,  498. 

11  Caligula,  having  ranged  his  army  on  the  sea-shore,  and  dis- 
posed his  instruments  of  war  as  if  he  was  just  going  to  engage, 
while  every  one  wondered  what  he  designed  to  do,  on  a  sudden 
ordered  his  men  to  gather  up  the  shells  on  the  strand,  and  to  fill 
their  helmets  and  their  bosoms  with  them,  calling  them  the  spoils 
of  the  conquered  ocean.     Suetonius  in  vila  Caligula;. 

IT  Sir  Arthur  Hazelrig  had  a  regiment  called  his  lobsters;  it 
has  been  thought  by  some,  that  the  defeat  at  Koundaway-down 
was  owing  to  the  ill-behavior  of  this  regiment.  Cleveland,  in 
"lis  character  of  a  London  diurnal,  says,  "  This  is  the  William 
"which  is  the  city's  champion,  and  the  diurnal's  deligly.  Yet 
"in  all  this  triumph,  translate  the  scene  but  to  Roundaway- 
"  down,  there  Hazelrig's  lobsters  were  turned  into  crabs,  and 
crawled  backwards "' 


454  HUDIBRAS.  [Partui. 

To  charge  whole  regiments  of  scallops  ; 

Not  like  their  ancient  way  of  war, 

To  wait  on  his  triumphal  car  ; 

But  when  he  went  to  dine  or  sup, 

More  bravely  ate  his  captives  up,  376 

And  left  all  war,  by  his  example, 

Reduc'd  to  vict'ling  of  a  camp  well. 

Quoth  Ralph,  By  all  that  you  have  said, 
And  twice  as  mucli  that  I  cou'd  add, 
'Tis  plain  you  cannot  now  do  worse  375 

Than  take  this  out-of-fashion'd  coui-se  ; 
To  hope,  by  stratagem,  to  woo  her, 
Or  waging  battle  to  subdue  her; 
Tho'  some  have  done  it  in  romances, 
\nd  bang'd  them  into  am'rous  fancies  ;  380 

As  those  who  won  the  Amazons, 
By  wanton  drubbing  of  their  bones  ; 
And  stout  Rinaldo  gain'd  his  bride* 
By  courting  of  her  back  and  side. 
But  since  those  times  and  feats  are  over,  385 

They  are  not  for  a  modern  lover. 
When  mistresses  are  too  cross-grain'd, 
By  such  addresses  to  be  gain'd  ; 
And  if  tliey  were,  would  have  it  out 
With  many  another  kind  of  bout.  390 

Therefore  I  hold  no  course  s'  infeasible. 
As  this  of  force,  to  win  tiie  Jezebel, 
To  storm  her  heart  by  tli'  antic  charms 
Of  ladies  errant,  force  of  arms  ; 

But  rather  strive  by  law  to  win  her,  393 

And  try  the  title  you  have  in  her. 
Your  case  is  clear,  you  have  her  word, 
And  me  to  witness  the  accord  :t 
Besides  two  more  of  her  retinue 

To  testify  what  pass'd  between  you  ;  400 

More  probable,  and  like  to  hold, 
Tlian  hand,  or  seal,  or  breaking  gold,t 
For  which  so  many  that  renounc'd 
Their  plighted  contracts  have  been  trounced, 


*  See  the  interview  between  Rinaldo  and  Armida,  in  the  last 
book  of  Tasso.  Or  perhaps  the  pnet,  quotin<;  by  memory,  mis- 
took tlie  name,  and  intended  to  have  mentioned  Ruggiero  in 
Ariosto. 

t  Ral^ho,  no  doubt,  was  ready  to  witness  any  thing  that  would 
serve  his  turn;  and  hoped  the  widow's  two  attendants  would  do 
(he  same. 

X  See  note  on  P.  li.  c.  1. 1.  585. 


Canto  m.]  HUDIBRAS.  455 

And  bills  upon  record  been  found,  403 

That  forc'd  tbe  ladies  to  compound  ; 

And  that,  unless  I  miss  the  matter, 

Is  all  the  business  you  look  after. 

Besides,  encounters  at  the  bar 

Are  braver  now  than  those  in  war,  410 

In  which  the  law  does  execution, 

With  less  disorder  and  confusion  ; 

Has  more  of  honour  in  't,  some  hold, 

Not  like  the  new  way,  but  the  old,* 

When  those  the  pen  had  drawn  together,t  415 

Decided  quarrels  with  the  feather. 

And  winged  arrows  kill'd  as  dead. 

And  more  than  bullets  now  of  lead  :t 

So  all  their  combats  now,  as  then. 

Are  manag'd  chiefly  by  the  pen  ;  420 

That  does  the  feat,  with  brave  vigours, 

In  words  at  length,  as  well  as  figures  ; 

Is  judge  of  all  the  world  performs 

In  voluntary  feats  of  arms, 

And  whatsoe'r  's  atchiev'd  in  fight,  425 

Determines  which  is  wrong  or  right  ; 

For  whether  you  prevail,  or  lose. 

All  must  be  try'd  there  in  the  close  ;§ 

And  therefore  'tis  not  wise  to  shun 

What  you  must  trust  to  ere  ye  've  done.  430 

The  law  that  settles  all  you  do. 

And  marries  where  you  did  but  woo  ; 

That  makes  the  most  perfidious  lover, 

A  lady,  that's  as  false,  recover  ;|| 

And  if  it  judge  upon  your  side,  435 


*  The  poet's  ideas  crowd  so  fast  upon  him,  that  he  is  not  al- 
ways quite  intelligible  at  first  reading.  Ralpho  persuades  the 
knight  to  gain  the  widow,  at  least  her  fortune,  not  by  the  fire- 
arms now  in  use,  but  by  law ;  the  feathered  arrow  of  the 
lawyer. 

t  Does  he  mean  those  whom  written  challenges  had  brought 
to  fight  ■?  or  does  he  allude  to  the  Latin  phrase  for  enlisting: 
conscripti  niilites,  conscribere  exercitus  "? 

J  Bishop  Wilkins  (Mathem.  Magic.)  maintains,  that  the  en- 
gines of  the  ancients,  balista  and  catapnlta;,  did  more  execution, 
and  were  far  more  portable,  than  cannon.  See  likewise  Si( 
Clement  Edmonds's  judicious  observations  upon  Ca3sar's  Com- 
mentaries. Battles  in  ancient  times  seem  to  have  been  attend- 
ed with  more  casualties  than  since  the  invention  of  gunpowder. 

^  Ralpho  goes  on  to  extol  the  energy  of  the  pen,  which,  in  the 
hand  of  the  historian,  can  control  even  the  most  warlike  eJforts. 

II  That  is,  the  law  will  recover  a  lady  that  Is  as  false  as  the 
most  perfidious  lover 


456  HUDIBRAS.  [Paut  ib 

Will  soon  extend  her  for  your  bride,* 

And  put  lier  person,  goods,  or  lands, 

Or  which  you  like  best,  int'  your  hands. 

For  law's  the  wisdom  of  all  ages, 

And  manag'd  by  the  ablest  sages,  4M 

Who,  tho'  their  bus'ness  at  the  bar 

Be  but  a  kind  of  civil  war, 

In  which  th'  engage  with  fiercer  dudgeons 

Than  e'er  the  Grecians  did,  and  Trojans  ; 

They  never  manage  the  contest  443 

T'  impair  their  public  interest. 

Or  by  their  controversies  lessen 

The  dignity  of  their  profession  : 

Not  like  us  brethren,  who  divide 

Our  commonwealth,  the  cause,  and  side  ;t  450 

And  tho'  we're  all  as  near  of  kindred 

As  th'  outvi^ard  man  islo  the  inward, 

We  agree  in  nothing,  but  to  wrangle 

About  the  slightest  fingle-fangle. 

While  lawyers  have  more  sober  sense,  455 

Than  t'  argue  at  their  own  expense,! 

But  make  their  best  advantages 

Of  others'  quarrels,  like  the  Swiss  ;§ 

And  out  of  foreign  controversies. 

By  aiding  both  sides,  fill  their  purses  ;  460 

But  have  no  int'rest  in  the  cause 

For  which  th'  engage,  and  wage  the  laws 

Nor  further  prospect  than  their  pay, 

Whether  they  lose  or  win  the  day. 

And  tho'  th'  abounded  in  all  ages,  465 

With  sundry  learned  clerks  and  sages  ; 

Tho'  all  their  bus'ness  be  dispute, 

Whicii  way  they  canvass  ev'ry  suit, 

They  've  no  disputes  about  their  art. 


*  Lay  an  extent  upon  her ;  seize  her  for  your  use. 

t  Take  part  on  one  side  or  the  other.  Whereas  we  who  have 
a  coninion  interest,  a  common  cause,  a  common  party  apainst 
the  royalists  and  Episcopalians,  weaken  our  strength  by  internal 
divisions  among  ourselves. 

t  The  wisdom  of  htwyers  is  such,  that  however  they  may 
seem  to  quarrel  at  the  bar,  yet  they  are  good  friends  the  moment 
they  leave  the  court.  Unlike  us,  Independents  and  Presbyte- 
rians, who,  though  our  opinions  are  very  similar,  are  always 
wrangling  about  the  merest  trifles. 

5  The  Swiss,  if  they  are  well  paid,  will  enter  into  the  service 
of  any  foreign  power:  but,  point  d'argent,  point  de  Suisse.  Aa 
•Id  distich  says : 

Theologis  animam  stibjecit  lapsus  Adaml 
Et  corpus  medicis,  et  bona  Juridicis. 


Cakto  in.]  HUDIBRAS.  457 

Nor  in  polemics  controvert ;  470 

While  all  professions  else  are  found 

With  nothing  but  disputes  t'  abound: 

Divines  of  all  sorts,  and  physicians, 

Philosophers,  mathematicians ; 

The  Galenist,  and  Paracelsian,  <75 

Condemn  the  way  each  other  deals  in  ,* 

Anatomists  dissect  and  mangle, 

To  cut  themselves  out  work  to  vvrangiO  ; 

Astrologers  dispute  their  dreams. 

That  in  their  sleeps  they  talk  of  schemes  ;  480 

And  heralds  stickle,  who  got  who, 

So  many  hundred  years  ago. 

But  lawyers  are  too  wise  a  nation 
T'  expose  their  trade  to  disputation, 
Or  make  their  busy  rabble  judges  485 

Of  all  their  secret  piques  and  grudges  ; 
In  which,  whoever  wins  the  day. 
The  whole  profession's  sure  to  pay.t 
Beside,  no  mountebanks,  nor  cheats, 
Dare  undertake  to  do  their  feats,  490 

When  in  all  other  sciences 
They  swarm  like  insects,  and  increase. 

For  what  bigot  durst  ever  draw,t 
By  inward  light,  a  deed  in  law? 

Or  could  hold  forth  by  revelation,  493 

An  answer  to  a  declaration? 
For  those  that  meddle  with  their  tools. 
Will  cut  their  fingers,  if  they  're  fools  : 
And  if  you  follow  their  advice, 

In  bills,  and  answers,  and  replies,  500 

They'll  write  a  love-letter  in  chancery, 
Shall  bring  her  upon  oath  to  answer  ye. 
And  soon  reduce  her  to  b'  your  wife. 
Or  make  her  weaiy  of  her  life. 

The  Knight,  who  us'd  with  tricks  and  shifts       505 
To  edify  by  Ralpho's  gifts. 
But  in  appearance  cry'd  him  down,§ 
To  make  them  better  seem  his  own, 

*  The  followers  of  Galen  weie  advocates  for  the  virtues  and 
ttse  of  plants;  the  disciples  of  Paracelsus  reconiiuended  chemV 
cal  preparations. 

t  That  is,  whoever  wins  is  sure  to  pay  the  whole  profession ; 
or  rather,  wliether  sergeant  A  or  counsellor  B  be  more  successful 
In  abusing  each  other,  the  whole  profession  of  the  law  is  dis- 
graced by  their  scurrilities. 

t  The  accent  is  here  laid  on  the  last  syllable  of  bigot. 

5  Ferhaps  a  better  reading  would  be, — cry'd  Um  down, 
20 


458  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  la 

Al!  plagiaries'  constant  course 

Of  sinking  when  they  take  a  purse,*  510 

Resolv'd  to  follow  his  advice, 

But  kept  it  from  him  by  disguise  ; 

And,  after  stubborn  contradiction, 

To  counterfeit  his  own  conviction. 

And,  by  transition,  fall  upon  515 

The  resolution  as  his  own.t 

Quoth  he.  This  gambol  thou  advisest 
Is,  of  all  others,  the  unwisest ; 
For,  if  I  think  by  law  to  gain  her. 
There's  nothing  sillier,  nor  vainer.  528 

'Tis  but  to  hazard  my  pretence. 
Where  nothing's  certain  but  th'  expence  ; 
To  act  against  myself,  and  traverse 
My  suit  and  title  to  her  favours ; 
And  if  she  should,  which  heav'n  forbid,  525 

O'erthrow  me,  as  the  fiddler  did. 
What  after-course  have  I  to  take, 
'Gainst  losing  ail  I  have  at  stake  ? 
He  tliat  with  injury  is  griev'd. 

And  goes  to  law  to  be  reliev'd,  530 

Is  sillier  than  a  sottish  chouse. 
Who,  when  a  thief  has  robb'd  his  house, 
Applies  himself  to  cunning  men, 
To  help  him  to  his  goods  agen  ;t 

*  Such  as  steal  out  of  other  men's  works,  and  abuse  the  au- 
thors they  are  beholden  to,  are  like  highwaymen,  who  abuse 
those  whom  they  rob.  Or  perhaps  sinking  may  mean  stooping, 
or  diving  with  the  hand  to  reach  a  person's  pocket.  Pickpock- 
ets in  partnership  may  be  apt  to  sink  or  conceal  part  of  the  booty 
from  their  companions.  But  I  must  refer  to  the  Bow-street  Vo- 
cabulary. [The  meaning  is  simply  the  plagiarist  conceals  his 
robbery  as  the  pickpocket  does  his.] 

t  Dr!  Thomas  Burnet  says,  Libentius  auscnltamus  rationibus 
et  argumentis  a  nobis  ipsis  inventis,  quam  ab  aliis  propositis;  ut, 
cum  sententiam  matamus,  non  tani  ab  aliis  victi,  quam  a  nobis- 
met  ipsis  edocli,  id  fecisse  videamur. 

i  The  misfortunes  of  too  many  will  incline  them  to  subscribe 
to  the  truth  of  this  excellent  observation.  The  word  chews,  o» 
chouse,  is  derived  either  from  the  French,  gausser,  to  cheat  oi 
laugh  at,  or  from  the  Italian,  gaffo,  a  fool.  In  Mr.  Butler's  MS. 
UJiiier  these  lines,  are  many  severe  strictures  on  lawyers . 

More  nice  and  subtle  than  those  wire-drawers 
Of  eqihity  and  justice,  common  lawyers  ; 
Who  never  end,  but  always  prune  a  suit 
To  make  it  bear  the  greater  store  of  fruit. 
As  laboring  men  their  hands,  criers  their  lungs, 
Porters  their  backs,  lawyers  hire  out  their  tongues. 
A  tongue  to  mire  and  gain  accustomed  long, 
Grows  quite  insensible  to  right  or  wrong. 


Canto  hi.]  HUDIBRAS  459 

When  all  he  can  expect  to  gain,  535 

Is  but  to  squander  more  in  vain  : 

And  yet  I  have  no  other  way, 

But  is  as  difficult  to  play  : 

For  to  reduce  her  by  main  force 

Is  now  in  vain  ;  by  fair  moans,  worse  ;  540 

But  worst  of  all  to  give  her  over, 

'Till  she's  as  desp'rate  to  recover : 

For  bad  games  are  thrown  up  too  soon, 

Until  they  're  never  to  be  won  ; 

But  since  I  have  no  other  course,  545 

But  is  as  bad  t'  attempt,  or  v/orse. 

He  that  complies  against  his  v/ili. 

Is  of  his  own  opinion  still, 

Which  he  may  adhere  to,  yet  disown, 

For  reasons  to  himself  best  known  ;  550 

But  'tis  not  to  b'  avoided  now. 

For  Sidropiiel  resolves  to  sue  ; 

Whom  I  must  answer,  or  begin. 

Inevitably,  first  with  him  ; 

For  I've  receiv'd  advertisement,  555 

By  times  enough,  of  his  intent ; 

And  knowing  he  that  first  complains 

Th'  advantage  of  tiie  bus'ness  gains  ; 

For  courts  of  justice  understand 

The  plaintiff  to  be  eldest  hand  ;  560 

Who  what  he  pleases  may  aver. 

The  other  nothing  till  he  swear  ;* 

Is  freely  admitted  to  all  grace, 

And  lawful  favour,  by  his  place  ; 

And,  for  his  bringing  custom  in,  565 

Has  all  advantages  to  win : 

I,  who  resolve  to  oversee 

No  lucky  opportunity. 

Will  go  to  council,  to  advise 

Which  way  t'  encounter,  or  surprise,  570 

And  after  long  consideration. 

Have  found  out  one  to  fit  th'  occasion, 

Most  apt  for  what  I  have  to  do, 

As  counsellor,  and  justice  too.t 

The  humorist  that  would  have  had  a  trial 
With  one  that  diil  but  Utok  upon  his  d:iil, 
And  sued  him  but  for  telling  of  his  clock. 
And  saying,  'twas  too  fast,  or  slow  it  struck. 

•  An  answer  to  a  bill  of  chancery  is  always  upon  oatb  ; — a  pe- 
titioc  not  so. 
t  IJ  is  probable  that  the  poet  had  an  eye  to  some  partlculai 


400  HLDIBRAS.  [Part  m. 

And  truly  so,  no  doubt,  he  was,  573 

A  lawyer  fit  for  such  a  case. 

An  old  dull  sot,  who  told  the  clock,* 
For  many  years  at  Bridewell-dock, 
At  Westminster,  and  Hicks's-hall, 
And  hiccius  doctiust  play'd  in  all  ;  580 

Where,  in  all  governments  and  times, 
He  'ad  been  both  friend  and  foe  to  crimes, 
And  us'd  two  equal  ways  of  gaining. 
By  hind'ring  justice,  or  maintaining, t 
To  many  a  whore  gave  privilege,  585 

And  whipp'd,  for  want  of  quarterage  ; 
Cart-loads  of  bawds  to  prison  sent. 
For  b'ing  behind  a  fortnight's  rent ; 
And  many  a  trusty  pimp  and  crony 
To  Pudddle-dock,  for  want  of  money  590 

Engag'd  the  constables  to  seize 
All  those  that  wou'd  not  break  the  peace  ; 
Nor  give  him  back  his  own  foul  words, 
Though  sometimes  commoners,  or  lords. 
And  kept  'em  prisoners  of  course,  595 

For  being  sober  at  ill  hours  ; 
That  in  the  morning  he  might  free 
Or  bind  'em  over  for  his  fee. 
Made  monsters  fine,  and  puppet-plays, 
For  leave  to  practice  in  their  ways  ;  COO 

Farm'd  out  all  cheats,  and  went  a  share 
With  th'  headborough  and  scavenger  ; 
And  made  the  dirt  i'  th'  streets  compound. 
For  taking  up  the  public  ground  ;§ 


person  in  this  cliaracter.  The  old  annotator  says  It  was  one 
Prideaux ;  but  gives  no  further  account  of  him.  One  of  that 
name  was  attorney-general  to  the  rump,  and  commissioner  of 
the  great  seal.  He  died  August  19,  in  tlie  last  year  of  their  reign. 
Tiliotson  lived  in  his  family.  See  Birch's  Lile  of  the  Archbisii- 
op,  p.  14.  He  cannot  have  been  here  meant.  The  poet,  I  im- 
agine, alludes  to  some  one  of  a  much  lower  class.  See  the  char- 
acter of  a  justice  in  Butler's  Genuine  Remains,  vol.  ii.  p.  190. 

*  The  puisne  judge  was  formerly  called  the  Tell-ciock  ;  as 
supposed  to  be  not  much  employed  with  business  in  the  courts 
he  sat  in,  but  listening  how  tiie  time  went. 

t  Cant  words  used  by  jugglers,  corrupted  perhaps  from  hie  est 
doctior. 

X  Mr.  Butler  served  some  years  as  a  clerk  to  a  justice.  The 
person  who  employed  him  was  an  able  magistrate,  and  respec- 
table character:  but  in  that  situation  he  might  have  had  an  op« 
portunity  of  making  himself  acquainted  with  the  practice  of  txa- 
dine  justices. 

^  Did  not  levy  the  penalty  for  a  nuisauco,  but  took  a  compo* 
•Ition  in  private. 


Canto  in.]  HUDIBRAS.  461 

The  kennel,  and  the  king's  high  way.  G05 

For  being  unmolested,  pay  ; 

Let  out  the  stocks  and  whipping-post, 

Ar.d  cage,  to  those  that  gave  him  most ; 

Lnpos'd  a  tax  on  bakers'  ears,* 

And  for  false  weights  on  chaudelers  ;  610 

Made  victuallers  and  vintners  fine 

For  arbitrary  ale  and  wine  :t 

But  was  a  kind  and  constant  friend 

To  all  that  regularly  offend: 

As  residentiary  bawds,  613 

And  brokers  that  receive  stol'n  goods  ; 

That  cheat  in  lawful  mysteries. 

And  pay  church-duties,  and  his  fees  j 

But  was  implacable  and  awkward. 

To  all  that  interlop'd  and  hawker'd.t  820 

To  this  brave  man  the  Kniglit  repairs 
For  counsel  in  his  law-affairs, 
And  found  him  mounted  in  his  pev/. 
With  books  and  money  plac'd  for  shew, 
Like  nest-eggs  to  make  clients  lay,  625 

And  for  his  false  opinion  pay : 
To  whom  the  Kuiglit,  with  comely  grace, 
Put  off  his  hat  to  put  his  case  ; 
Which  he  as  proudly  entertain'd, 
As  th'  other  courteously  strain'd  ;  630 

And,  to  assure  him  'twas  not  that 
He  look'd  for,  bid  him  put  on's  hat. 

Quoth  he.  There  is  one  Sidrophel 
Whom  I  have  cudgell'd — Very  well — 
And  now  he  brags  to  have  beaten  me —  635 

Better  and  better  still,  quoth  he — 
And  vows  to  stick  me  to  the  wall. 
Where'er  he  meets  me — Best  of  all. 


*  That  i'.  commuted  the  pillory  for  a  mulct  at  his  own  dis- 
treiion.  Lihanius  has  an  entire  oration  against  an  arhitrary  law 
of  the  magistrates  of  Antioch,  which  obliged  the  country  bakers, 
When  they  brought  bread  into  the  city  for  sale,  to  load  back  with 
rubbish. 

t  For  selling  ale  or  wine  without  license,  or  by  less  than  the 
statutable  measure.  So  Mr.  Butler  says  of  his  justice.  Remains, 
vol.  ii.  p.  191.  "  He  does  his  ccmntry  signal  service  in  the  judi- 
"cious  and  mature  legitimation  of  tipiiling-hoU'^es;  that  the  sub- 
"ject  be  not  imposed  upon  with  illegal  and  arbitrary  ale." 

X  Travelling  dealers,  who  did  not  keep  any  regular  shop. 
"He  is  very  severe  to  hawkers  and  interlopers,  who  commit 
"  iniquity  on  the  bye."  See  Remains,  where  the  reader  may  fintf 
other  stroke?  3f  character  similar  to  those  here  mentioned. 


462  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  in 

'Tis  true  tlie  knave  has  taken  's  oa.h 

That  I  robb'd  him — Well  done,  in  troth.  640 

When  lie  'as  confess'd  he  stole  my  cloak, 

And  pick'd  my  fob,  and  what  he  took  ; 

Which  was  the  cause  that  made  me  bang  him, 

And  take  my  goods  again — Marry,*  hang  him. 

Now,  whether  I  should  before-hand,  645 

Swear  he  robb'd  me  ? — I  understand, 

Or  bring  my  action  of  conversion 

And  trover  for  my  goods  ?t — Ah,  whoreson  ! 

Or,  if  'tis  better  to  endite, 

And  bring  him  to  his  trial  ? — Right.  650 

Prevent  what  he  designs  to  do. 

And  swear  for  tli'  state  against  him  ?t — True. 

Or  whether  he  that  is  defendant. 

In  this  case,  has  the  better  end  on  't ; 

Who,  putting  in  a  new  cross-bill,  655 

May  traverse  th'  action  ? — Better  still. 

Then  there  's  a  lady  too — Aye,  marry. 

That's  easily  prov'd  accessary  ; 

A  widow,  who  by  solemn  vows, 

Contracted  to  me  for  my  spouse,  660 

Combin'd  with  him  to  break  her  word, 

And  has  abetted  all — Good  Lord  I 

Suborn'd  th'  aforesaid  Sidrophel 

To  tamper  with  the  dev'l  of  hell. 

Who  put  m'  into  a  horrid  fear,  665 

Fear  of  my  life — Make  that  appear. 

Made  an  assault  with  fiends  and  men 

Upon  my  body — Good  agen. 

And  kept  me  in  a  deadly  fright, 

And  false  imprisonment,  all  night.  670 

Mean  while  they  robb'd  me,  and  my  horse, 

And  stole  my  SAddle — Worse  and  worse. 

And  made  me  mount  upon  the  bare  ridge, 

T'  avoid  a  wretcheder  niscarriage. 

Sir,  quoth  tiie  Lawyer,  not  to  flatter  ye,  675 

You  have  as  good  and  fair  a  battery 


♦  Marry,  i.  e.  very  oi  truly,  an  adverb  of  asseveration.  Ains- 
worth  thinks  it  a  kind  of  oath,  as  if  per  Mariain — A  kind  of  ex- 
pletive without  much  meaning,  though  perhaps  the  pettifogger 
might  wish  to  be  arch  on  the  word  marry. 

t  An  action  of  trover  is  an  action  brought  for  recovery  of  a 
man's  goods,  when  wrongfully  detained  by  another,  and  con- 
verted to  his  own  use. 

t  Swear  that  a  crime  was  committed  by  him  against  the 
pnblic  peace,  or  peace  of  the  state. 


Canto  ui.]  HUDIBRAS.  4fi3 

As  heart  can  wish,  and  need  not  sham© 

The  proudest  man  alive  to  claim : 

For  if  th'  have  us'd  you  as  you  say, 

Marry,  quoth  I,  God  give  you  joy  ;  680 

I  wou'd  it  were  my  case,  I'd  give 

More  than  I'll  say,  or  you'll  believe : 

I  wou'd  so  trounce  her,  and  her  purse, 
I'd  make  her  kneel  for  better  or  worse  ; 

For  matrimony,  and  hanging  here,  685 

Both  go  by  destiny  so  clear,* 

That  you  as  sure  may  pick  and  choose, 

As  cross  I  win,  and  pile  you  lose : 

And  if  I  durst,  I  wou'd  advance 

As  much  in  ready  maintenance,!  690 

As  upon  any  case  I've  known ; 

But  we  that  practice  dare  not  own : 

The  law  severely  contrabands 

Our  taking  bus'ness  off  men's  hands  ; 

'Tis  common  barratry,  that  bearst  695 

Point-blank  an  action  'gainst  our  ears, 

And  crops  them  till  there  is  not  leather, 

To  stick  a  pen  in  left  of  either  ;§ 

For  which  some  do  the  summer-sault. 

And  o'er  the  bar,  like  tumblers,  vault  :1|  700 

But  you  may  swear  at  any  rate. 

Things  not  in  natiu'e,  for  the  state  ; 

For  in  all  courts  of  justice  here 

A  witness  is  not  said  to  swear, 

*  See  P.  ii.  c.  i.  v.  839.  Ames,  in  his  Typographical  Antiqui- 
ties, first  edition,  p.  J57,  inentinns  a  boolc  printed  by  Robert 
Wyer,  1542,  entitled,  Mistery  of  Iniquite,  where  we  may  read : 

Trewly  some  men  there  be 

That  lyve  always  in  great  horroure, 

And  say  it  goth  by  destenye 

To  hang  or  wed,  both  hath  one  hotire ; 

And  whether  it  be,  I  am  well  sure, 

Hangynge  is  better  of  the  twain. 

Sooner  done,  and  shorter  payne. 

t  Maintenance  is  the  tinlawful  upholding  of  a  cause  or  person, 
or  it  is  the  buying  or  obtaining  pretended  rights  to  lands. 

i  Barratry  is  the  common  and  unlawful  stirring  up  of  suits  or 
quarrels,  either  in  court  or  elsewhere. 

^  Most  edi'ions  read  pin,  but  the  author's  corrected  copy 
says  pen ;  it  being  the  custom  of  clerks  in  office,  and  writers,  to 
stick  their  pen  behind  their  ears  when  they  do  not  employ  it  in 
writing. 

II  Summer-sault,  soubresaut,  throwing  heels  over  head,  a  feat 
of  activity  performed  by  tumblers.  When  a  lawyer  has  been 
f^ilty  of  misconduct,  and  is  not  allowed  to  practise  in  the  ccortB, 
he  is  said  to  be  thrown  over  the  bar. 


464  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  m. 

But  make  oath,  that  is,  in  plain  terms,  705 

To  forge  whatever  he  affirms. 

I  thank  you,  quoth  tlie  Knight,  for  that, 
Because  'tis  to  my  purpose  pat — 
For  justice,  Iho'  she's  painted  blind, 
Is  to  the  weaker  side  incliud,  710 

Like  charity  ;  else  right  and  wrong 
Cou'd  never  hold  it  out  so  long. 
And,  like  blind  fortune,  with  a  sleight, 
Conveys  men's  interest  and  right, 
From  Stiles's  pocket  into  Nokes's,*  713 

As  easily  as  hocus  pocus  ;t 
Plays  fast  and  loose,  makes  men  obnoxious  ; 
And  clear  again,  like  hiccius  doctius. 
Then  whether  you  would  take  her  life, 
Or  but  recover  her  for  your  wife,  720 

Or  be  content  with  what  she  has. 
And  let  all  oiher  matters  pass. 
The  bus'ness  to  the  law's  alone, J 
Tiie  proof  is  all  it  looks  upon  ; 

And  you  nan  want  no  witnesses,  725 

To  swear  to  any  thing  you  please. 
That  hardly  get  their  mere  expenses. 
By  th'  labour  of  their  consciences. 
Or  letting  out  to  hire  their  ears 

To  affidavit  customers,  730 

At  inconsiderable  values. 
To  serve  for  jurymen  or  tales.§ 
Altho'  retain'd  in  th'  hardest  matters 
Of  trustees  and  administrators. 

For  that,  quoth  he,  let  me  alone  ;  733 

We  've  store  of  such,  and  all  our  own, 
Bred  up  and  tutor'd  by  our  teachers, 
Th'  ablest  of  all  conscience-stretchers.|l 

That's  well,  quoth  he,  but  I  should  guess, 
By  weighing  all  advantages,  740 

*  Fictitious  names,  sometimes  used  in  stating  cases,  issuing 
writs,  &c. 

t  Words  profiinely  u^ed  liy  jugglers,  if  derived,  as  some  sup 
pose,  from  lioc  est  ciir|ius. 

X  A  belter  rending  perlmps  is, 

Tlie  bus'ness  to  the  law's  all  one. 

§  Talesmen  are  persons  of  like  rank  and  quality  with  sue 
cf  the  principal  panel   as  do  not  appear,  or  are  challenged  ;  and 
who.  happening  to  be  In  court,  are  taken  to  supply  their  [ilaces 
as  hirvnien. 

Il'  Mr.  Downing  and  Stephen  INIarshal,  who  absolved  frointheil 
oaths  the  prisoners  released  at  Brentford. 


Canto  ui.]  HUDIBRAS.  465 

Your  surest  way  is  first  to  pitch 

On  Bongey  for  a  water-witch  ;* 

And  when  y'  have  hang'd  the  conjurer, 

Y'  have  time  enougli  to  deal  with  her. 

In  th'  int'rim  spare  for  no  trepans,  745 

To  draw  her  neck  into  the  banns  ; 

Ply  her  with  love-letters  and  billets, 

And  bait  'em  well  for  quirks  and  quillets.t 

With  trains  t'  inveigle,  and  surprise 

Her  heedless  answers  and  replies  ;  750 

And  if  she  miss  the  mouse-trap  lines, 

They'll  serve  for  other  by-designs  ; 

And  make  an  artist  understand. 

To  copy  out  her  seal,  or  hand  ; 

Or  find  void  places  in  the  paper,  TK 

To  steal  in  something  to  entrap  her ; 

Till,  with  her  worldly  goods  and  body. 

Spite  of  her  heart  she  has  indow'd  ye : 

Retain  all  sorts  of  witnesses. 

That  ply  i'  th'  Temple,  under  trees  ;  760 

Or  walk  the  roiuid,  with  knights  o'  th'  posts, + 

About  the  cross-legg'd  knights,  their  hosts  ;§ 


*  On  Sidrophel,  the  reputed  conjurer.  The  poet  calls  him 
Bongey,  from  a  learned  friar  of  that  name,  who  lived  in  Oxford 
almut  the  end  of  the  thirteenth  century,  and  was  deemed  a  con- 
jurer hy  the  common  people.  "  There  was  likewise  one  mother 
"  Bon^rey,  who,  in  divers  hooks  set  out  by  authority,  is  registered 
"or  chronicled  i-.y  the  n;\nie  of  the  great  witch  of  Rochester." 
(Grey.)  For  a  water-witch ;  for  one  to  be  tried  by  the  water- 
ordeal,  or  perhaps, 

One  that  tOiO  fortunes  by  casting  urine ; 
or  one  to  whom 

With  urine,  they  flock  for  curing.     P.  ii.  c.  iii.  v.  123. 

t  Subtleties.  Shakspeare  frequently  used  the  word  quillet. 
In  the  First  Partof  Henry  VI.  Act  ii.,  the  earl  of  Warwick  says: 

But  in  these  quirks  and  quillets  of  the  law, 
Good  faith,  I  am  no  wiser  than  a  daw 

And  Hamlet  says,  when  contemplating  the  skull  of  a  lawyer: 

Where  be  his  quiddities  now  1  his  quillets'?  his  cases  f 

Quillets,  in  barbarous  Latin,  is  cnllecta.  [Quibble,  quillet,  quip, 
and  quirk,  have  all  puzzled  the  etymologists,  and  probably  will 
continue  to  do  so;  there  is  something  in  words  beginning  with 
qu  wondrously  baffling,  as  the  very  instrument  of  the  critic's  la- 
bors, a  quill,  possesses  scarcely  a  guess  at  a  derivation.] 

i  Witnesses  who  are  ready  to  swear  any  thing,  whether  true 
or  false. 

§  These  witnesses  frequently  plied  for  custom  about  the  Tem- 
ple church,  where  are  several  monuments  of  knights  templars, 
who  are  there  represen'ed  cross-legged  :  [as  everywhere  else  J— 
20* 


466  HUDIBRAS.  [Part  a 

Or  wait  for  customers  between 

The  pillar-rows  in  Liucoln's-Inn  ; 

Where  vouchers,  forgers,  common-bail,  7CS 

And  affidavit-men  ne'er  fail 

T'  expose  to  sale  all  sorts  of  oaths, 

According  to  their  ears  and  clothes,* 

Their  only  necessary  tools. 

Besides  the  Gospel,  and  their  souls  ;t  770 

And  when  ye  're  furnish'd  with  all  purveys, 

I  shall  be  ready  at  your  service. 

I  would  not  give,  quoth  Hudibras, 
A  straw  to  understand  a  case, 

Without  the  admirable  skill  775 

To  wind  and  manage  it  at  will  ; 
To  veer,  and  tack,  and  steer  a  cause, 
Against  the  weather-gage  of  laws; 
And  ring  the  changes  upon  cases. 
As  plain  as  noses  upon  faces  ;  780 

As  you  liave  well  instructed  me, 
For  which  you  've  earn'd,  here  'tis,  your  fee. 
I  long  to  practise  your  advice 
And  try  the  subtle  artifice  ; 

To  bait  a  letter  as  you  bid.  785 

As,  not  long  after,  thus  he  did : 
For,  having  pump'd  up  all  his  wit, 
And  humm'd  upon  it,  thus  he  writ. 

their  host,  because  nobody  gives  them  more  entertainment  than 
these  knights,  and  they  are  almost  starved. 

*  Lord  Clarendon,  in  his  History  of  the  Rebellion,  vol.  ii.  p. 
355,  says,  an  Irishman  of  low  condition  and  meanly  clotlied,  be- 
ing hroufihl  as  evidence  against  Lord  Stratford,  Lieutenant  of 
Ireland,  Mr.  Pym  gave  him  money  to  buy  a  satin  suit  and  cloak, 
in  which  equipage  he  appeared  at  the  trial.  The  like  was  prac- 
tised in  the  trial  of  Lord  Stafford  for  the  popish  plot.  See  Carte's 
ilistory  of  the  Life  of  James  Duke  of  Ormonde,  vol.  ii.  p.  517. 
It  is,  I  fear,  sometimes  practised  in  trials  of  less  importance. 

t  When  a  witness  swears  he  holds  the  Gospel  in  his  right 
hand,  and  kisses  it:  the  Gospel  therefore  is  called  his  tool,  by 
Which  he  damns  his  otlier  tool,  namely,  his  soul. 


AN  HEROICAL  EPISTLE 


HUDIBRAS  TO  HIS  LADY. 


I  WHO  was  once  as  great  as  Cassar, 

Am  now  reduc'd  to  Nebuchadnezzar  ;* 

And  from  as  fara'd  a  conqueror, 

As  ever  took  degree  in  war, 

Or  did  Iiis  exercise  in  battle,  8 

By  you  turn'd  out  to  grass  with  cattle. 

For  since  I  am  deny'd  access 

To  all  my  earthly  happiness, 

Am  fall'n  from  the  paradise 

Of  your  good  graces,  and  fair  eyes  ;  10 

Lost  to  the  world,  and  you,  I'm  sent 

To  everlasting  banishment, 

Where  all  the  hopes  I  had  t'  have  won 

Your  heart,  b'ing  dash'd,  will  break  my  own. 

Yet  if  you  were  not  so  severe  15 

To  pass  your  doom  before  you  hear. 
You'd  find,  upon  my  just  defence, 
How  much  y'  have  wrong'd  my  innocence. 
That  once  I  made  a  vow  to  you. 
Which  yet  is  unperform'd  'tis  true  ;  SO 

But  not  because  it  is  unpaid 
'Tis  violated,  though  delay'd. 
Or  if  it  were,  it  is  no  fault 
So  heinous,  as  you'd  have  it  thought ; 
To  undergo  the  loss  of  ears,  85 

Like  vulgar  hackney  perjurers  ; 

•  See  Dan.  iv.  32,  33. 

Carmina  qui  quondam  studio  florente  peregl 
Flebilis  heu  uiceslos  cogor  inire  modes. 

Boethius  de  Consul.  Philosopb. 


468  IIUDIBRAS  TO  HIS  LADY, 

For  there's  a  difference  in  tlie  case, 

Between  tlie  noble  and  the  base  ; 

Who  always  are  cbserv'd  to  've  done  't 

Upon  as  diiT'rent  an  account ;  3f 

Tlie  one  for  great  and  weighty  cause, 

To  salve  in  honour  ugly  flaws; 

For  none  are  like  to  do  it  sooner 

Than  those  who  are  nicest  of  their  honour; 

The  other,  for  base  gain  and  pay,  35 

Forswear  and  perjure  by  the  day. 

And  make  tli'  exposing  and  retailing 

Their  souls,  and  consciences,  a  calling. 

It  is  no  scandal  nor  aspersion, 

Upon  a  great  and  noble  person,  (0 

To  say,  he  nat'rally  abhorr'd 

Th'  old-fashion'd  trick,  to  keep  his  word, 

Tho'  'lis  perfidiousness  and  shame. 

In  meaner  men  to  do  the  same : 

For  to  be  able  to  forget,  45 

Is  found  more  useful  to  tlie  great 

Than  gout,  or  deafness,  or  bad  eyes, 

To  make  them  pass  for  wond'rous  wise. 

But  tho'  the  law,  on  perjurers. 

Inflicts  the  forfeiture  of  ears,  50 

It  is  not  just,  that  does  exempt 

The  guilty,  and  punish  the  innocent.* 

To  make  the  ears  repair  the  wrong 

Committed  by  th'  ungovern'd  tongue  ; 

And  when  one  member  is  forsworn,  53 

Another  to  be  cropp"d  or  torn. 

And  if  you  shou"d,  as  you  design. 

By  course  of  law,  recover  mine. 

You  're  like,  if  you  consider  right, 

To  gain  but  little  honour  by  't.  60 

For  he  that  for  his  lady's  sake 

Lays  down  his  life,  or  limbs,  at  stake, 

Does-  not  so  much  deserve  her  favour, 

As  he  that  pawns  his  soul  to  have  her. 

This  y'  have  acknowledg'd  I  have  done,  03 

Altho'  you  now  disdain  to  own  ; 

But  sentence  what  you  rather  ought 

T'  esteem  good  service  than  a  fault. t 

Besides,  oaths  are  not  bound  to  bear 


*  A  lielter  rending  is — th'  innocent. 

t  Sentence,  that  U,  coudeua  or  pass  sentence  upoD. 


HUDIBRAS  TO  HIS  LADY.  469 

That  literal  sense  the  words  infer,  70 

But,  by  the  practice  of  the  age. 

Are  to  be  judg'd  how  far  th'  engage  ; 

And  where  the  sense  by  custom's  checkt, 

Are  found  void,  and  of  none  effect. 

For  no  man  takes  or  keeps  a  vow,  75 

But  just  as  he  sees  others  do  ;  , 

Nor  are  tiiey  obiig'd  to  be  so  brittle, 

As  not  to  yield  and  bow  a  little: 

For  as  best  temper'd  blades  are  found, 

Before  they  break,  to  bend  quite  round  ;  SO 

So  truest  oaths  are  still  most  tougn, 

And,  tho'  they  bow,  are  breaking  proof. 

Then  wherefore  should  they  not  b'  allow'd 

In  love  a  greater  latitude  1* 

For  as  the  law  of  arms  approves  85 

All  ways  to  conquest,!  so  shou'd  lovers  ; 

And  not  be  ty'd  to  true  or  false. 

But  make  that  justest  that  prevails: 

For  how  can  that  which  is  above 

All  empire,  high  and  miglity  love,t  00 

Submit  its  great  prerogative, 

To  any  other  pow'r  alive? 

Shall  love,  that  to  no  crown  gives  place, 

Become  the  subject  of  a  caso  ? 

The  fundamental  law  of  nature,  05 

Be  over-rul'd  by  those  made  after? 

Commit  the  censure  of  its  cause 

To  any,  but  its  own  great  laws? 

Love,  that's  the  world's  preservative, 

That  keeps  all  souls  of  tilings  alive ;  100 

Controuls  the  mighty  pow'r  of  fate. 

And  gives  mankind  a  longer  date  ; 

The  life  of  nature  that  restores 

As  fast  as  time  and  death  devours  ; 

To  whose  free  gift  the  world  does  owe  105 


•  perjnria  ridet  amantiim 

Jupiter,  et  ventos  irrita  ferrc  jubet. 

Tib.  m.  El.  VII.  17. 
So  Callitnachus,  Epig.  26. 
t  Dolus  an  virtus,  qiiis,  in  hoste,  requirit? 

X  -^—^  "Epwj  &[  Twv  OcCiv 

'lax^v  tX^v  TT^d^v,  f  1^1  TovTov  ^c'lKwrai 

A(d   ToilTOV   iTZLOpKOUCl  ToCj  flAAoUJ  dfOVi. 

Menand.  Frag. 
a 


470  HUDIBRAS  TO  HIS  LADY. 

Not  only  earth,  but  heaven  too  :* 

For  love's  the  only  trade  that's  driven, 

The  interest  of  state  in  heav'n,t 

Which  nothing  but  the  soul  of  man 

Is  capable  to  entertain.  116 

For  what  can  earth  produce,  but  love, 

To  represent  tiie  joys  above  ? 

Or  who  but  lovers  can  converse, 

Like  angels  by  the  eye-discourse? 

Address,  and  compliment  by  vision,  115 

Make  love,  and  court  by  intuition  ? 

And  burn  in  am'rous  flames  as  fierce, 

As  those  celestial  ministers  ? 

Then  how  can  any  thing  offend. 

In  order  to  so  great  an  end  ?  129 

Or  heav'n  itself  a  sin  resent, 

That  for  its  own  supply  was  meant  ? 

That  merits,  in  a  kind  mistake, 

A  pardon  for  th'  ofTence'a  sake  1 

Or  if  it  did  not,  but  the  cause  1S5 

Were  left  to  th'  injury  of  laws, 

What  tyranny  can  disapprove. 

There  should  be  equity  in  love  ? 

For  laws,  tliat  are  inanimate, 

And  feel  no  sense  of  love  or  hate,|  130 

That  have  no  passion  of  their  own, 

Nor  pity  to  be  wrought  upon. 

Are  only  proper  to  inflict 

Revenge  on  criminals  as  strict. 

But  to  have  power  to  forgive,  135 

Is  empire  and  prerogative  ; 

And  'tis  in  crowns  a  nobler  gem 

To  grant  a  pardon,  than  condemn. 


*      Quas  mare  navigeruin,  quae  terras  frugiferentes 

Conceleliras  ;  per  te  quoniam  genus  onine  aniniantum 
Concipitur,  visitque  exortum  luinina  soils. 

Lucret.  i.  3. 
Quae  quoniam  rerum  naturam  sola  gubernas, 
Nee  sine  te  quicquam  dias  in  luminis  eras 
Exoritur,  neque  fit  laetum,  neque  amabile  quicquam. 

Idem,  i.  23. 
T  Waller  says : 

All  that  we  know  of  those  above, 
Is,  that  they  live  and  that  they  love 
Our  Saviour  says,  "Suffer  the  little  children  to  come  unto  me, 
for  of  such  is  the  kingdom  of  heaven." 

X  Aristotle  defined  law  to  be,  reason  without  passion ;  and 
despotism  or  arbitrary  power  to  be,  passion  without  reason. 


HUDIBRAS  TO  HIS  LADY.  471 

Tlien,  since  so  few  do  what  they  ought, 

'Tis  great  t'  indulge  a  well-meant  fault ;  140 

For  why  should  he  who  made  address, 

All  humble  ways,  without  success  ; 

And  met  with  nothing  in  return 

But  insolence,  affronts,  and  scorn, 

Not  strive  by  wit  to  counter-mine,  145 

And  bravely  carry  his  design  ? 

He  v/ho  was  us'd  so  unlike  a  soldier. 

Blown  up  with  philters  cf  love-powder  ; 

And  after  letting  blood,  and  purging, 

Condemn'd  to  voluntary  scourg'ng ;  150 

Alarm'd  with  many  a  horrid  fright. 

And  claw'd  by  goblins  in  the  night ; 

Insulted  on,  revil'd  and  jeer'd. 

With  rude  invasion  of  his  beard  ; 

And  when  your  sex  was  foully  scandal'd,  155 

As  foully  by  the  rabble  handled ; 

Attack'd  by  despicable  foes. 

And  drubb'd  with  mean  and  vulgar  blows ; 

And,  after  all,  to  be  debarr'd 

So  much  as  standing  on  his  guard  ;  160 

When  horses  being  spurr'd  and  prick'd 

Have  leave  to  kick  for  being  kick'd  ? 

Or  why  should  you,  whose  mother-wits* 
Are  furnish'd  with  all  perquisites ; 
That  with  your  breeding  teeth  begin,  165 

And  nursing  babies  that  lie  in  ; 
B'  allow'd  to  put  all  tricks  upon 
Our  cully  sex,  and  we  use  none  ? 
We,  who  have  nothing  but  frail  vows 
Against  your  stratagems  t'  oppose  ;  170 

Or  oaths,  more  feeble  than  your  own, 
By  which  we  are  no  less  put  down  ?t 
You  wound,  like  Parthians,  while  you  fly, 
And  kill  with  a  retreating  eye  •,t 
Retire  the  more,  the  more  we  press,  175 

*  Why  should  you,  who  were  sharp  and  witty  from  your  in- 
fancy, who  bred  wit  with  your  teeth,  &c. 

t  That  is,  hy  which  oaths  of  yours  we  are  no  less  subdued 
than  by  your  stratagems. 

i        Fidentemque  fuga  Partlium  versisque  sagittis. 

Virg.  Georg.  iii.  31 

The  Parthians  had  the  art  of  shootitig  their  arrows  behind 
them,  and  making  their  flight  more  destructive  to  the  enemy 
than  iheir  attack.    Seneca  says : 

Terga  conversi  metuenda  Parthi. 


472  HUDIBRAS  TO  HIS  LADY. 

To  draw  us  into  ambushes : 

As  pirates  all  false  colours  wear, 

T'  intrap  th'  unwary  mariner ;  ' 

So  women,  to  surprise  us,  spread 

The  borrow'd  flags  of  white  and  red  ;  181 

Display  'em  thicker  on  their  cheeks, 

Than  their  old  grand-mothers,  the  Picts ; 

And  raise  more  devils  with  their  looks, 

Than  conjurers'  less  subtle  books  : 

Lay  trains  of  amorous  intrigues,  183 

In  tow'rs,  and  curls,  and  periwigs,* 

With  greater  art  and  cunning  rear'd, 

Than  Philip  Nye's  thanksgiving  beard  ;t 

Prepost'rously  t'  entice  and  gain 

Those  to  adore  'em  they  disdain ;  190 

And  only  draw  'em  in  to  clog, 

With  idle  names,  a  catalogue.! 

A  lover  is,  the  more  he's  brave, 

T'  his  mistress  but  the  more  a  slave  ;§ 

*        tanta  est  qiiasrendi  cura  decoris 

Tot  preiiiit  oriUniliiis,  lot  adhuc.  compagibus  allum 

iEdificat  caput.    Aiidruinachen  a  fronte  videbis 

Post  liiitior  est. Juvenal,  vi.  500 

If  we  may  judjre  by  figures  on  the  imperial  coins,  even  the 
most  expert  of  iiuidcrn  hair-dressers  are  far  inferior  in  their  busi- 
ness to  the  ancients. 

t  Nye  first  entered  at  Brazen-nose  college.  Oxford,  and  after- 
wards reciKivpd  to  Magdnlen  h:ill.  He  took  his  degrees,  and  then 
went  to  Holland.  In  1G40  he  returned  home  a  furious  Presby- 
terian ;  and  was  sent  to  Scotland  to  forward  the  covenant.  He 
then  became  a  strenuous  preacher  on  the  side  of  the  Independ- 
ents :  was  put  into  Dr.  Featly"s  living  at  Acton,  and  went  there 
every  Sunday  in  a  coach  with  four  horses.  He  opposed  Lilly 
the  astrologer  with  ureal  violence,  and  for  this  service  was  re- 
wariled  with  the  office  of  holding  forth  upon  thanksgiving  days. 
W  hers  fore 

He  thought  upon  it,  and  resolv'd  to  put 
His  beard  into  as  wonderful  a  cut. 

Butler's  MS. 

This  preacher's  beard  is  honored  with  an  entire  poem  in  But 
ler's  Genuine  Relnains,  published  hy  Thyer,  vol.i.  p.  177.  When 
the  head  of  a  celelirated  court  cli:iplain  and  preacher  had  been 
dressed  in  a  snperior  style,  the  friseur  exclaimed,  with  a  mixture 
of  ailmiration  and  self-applause,  "  I'll  be  hanged  if  any  person 
of  taste  can  attend  to  one  word  of  the  sermon  to-day." 

*  To  increase  the  list  of  their  discarded  suitors. 

^  The  poet  may  here  possibly  alhuie  to  some  well-known 
characters  of  his  time.  "The  Lady  Dysert  cat"e  to  have  so 
'•much  power  over  the  Lord  Lauderdale,  that  it  lessened  him 
"  very  much  in  the  esteem  of  all  the  world;  for  he  delivered 
"himself  up  to  all  her  humors  and  passions."  Burnet's  History, 
rol.  i.  p.  244.  Anne  Clarges,  at  first  the  mistress,  and  afterwards 
the  wife  of  Geoeral  Monk,  duke  of  Albemarle,  gained  the  most 


HUDIBRAS  TO  HIS  LADY.  473 

And  whatsoever  she  commands,  195 

Bscomes  a  favour  from  her  hands,  * 

Which  he's  oblig'd  l'  obey,  and  must, 

Whether  it  be  unjust  or  just. 

Then  when  lie  is  compell'd  by  lier 

T'  adventures  he  wou'd  else  forbear,  200 

Wiio,  with  his  honour,  can  withstand, 

Since  force  is  greater  than  command  ? 

And  wlien  necessity's  obey'd, 

Nothing  can  be  unjust  or  bad:* 

And  therefore,  when  tiie  mighty  pow'rs  203 

Of  love,  our  great  ally,  and  yours, 

Join'd  forces  not  to  be  withstood 

By  frail  enamour'd  flesh  and  blood. 

All  I  have  done,  unjust  or  ill, 

Was  in  obedience  to  your  will,  210 

And  all  the  blame  that  can  be  due 

Falls  to  your  cruelty,  and  you. 

Nor  are  those  scandals  I  confest. 

Against  my  will  and  interest, 

More  than  is  daily  done,  of  course,  215 

By  all  men,  when  they  're  under  force : 

Whence  some,  upon  the  rack,  confess 

What  th'  hangman  and  their  prompters  please  ; 

But  are  no  sooner  out  of  pain, 

Than  they  deny  it  all  again.  220 

But  when  the  devil  turns  confessor,t 

Truth  is  a  crime,  he  takes  no  pleasure 

To  hear  or  pardon,  like  the  founder 

Of  liars,  whom  they  all  claim  under  :t 

And  therefore  when  I  told  him  none,  225 


nnihie  influence  over  that  intrepid  coininander.    Thoiish  nevei 
al'raiil  of  bullets,  he  whs  often  terrifieil  hy  the  fury  of  his  wife. 
*  Kecessitas  non  hahet  legem,  is  a  known  proverb. 

Ativns  avdyKTi;  oviev  iaxvei  irXiov  ;  Enripidis  Helena. 
Pareauir  necessitati,  quam  ne  dii  quidem  superant. — Livy. 
t  Suppose  we  read : 

when  a  devil  turns  confessor. 

}  See  St.  John,  ch.  viii.  v.  44.    Butler  in  his  MS.  Common 
placs  book,  says: 

As  lyars.  with  Ions  use  of  telling  lyes, 

For^iet  at  length  if  they  are  true  or  false, 

So  those  that  plod  on  any  thing  loo  long 

Know  nothing  whether  th'  are  in  the  right  or  wrong. 

For  what  are  all  ynur  demonstrations  els?, 

But  to  the  higher  powers  of  sense  appeals; 

Senses  that  th'  undervalue  and  contemn 

As  if  it  lay  below  their  wits  and  them 


474  HUDIBRAS  TO  HIS  LADY. 

I  think  it  was  the  wiser  done. 

Nor  afii  I  without  precedent, 

The  first  that  on  tli'  adventure  went ; 

All  mankind  ever  did  of  course, 

And  daily  does  the  same,  or  worse.  830 

For  what  romance  can  shew  a  lover, 

That  had  a  lady  to  recover. 

And  did  not  steer  a  nearer  course, 

To  fall  aboard  in  his  amours? 

And  what  at  first  was  held  a  crime,  235 

Has  turn'd  to  hon'rable  in  time. 

To  what  a  height  did  infant  Rome, 
By  ravishing  of  women,  come  ?* 
When  men  upon  their  spouses  seiz'd. 
And  freely  marry'd  where  they  pleas'd,  240 

They  ne'er  forswore  themselves,  nor  ly'd, 
Nor,  in  the  mind  they  were  in,  dy'd  ; 
Nor  took  the  pains  t'  address  and  sue. 
Nor  play'd  the  masquerade  to  woo : 
Disdain'd  to  stay  for  friends'  consents,  845 

Nor  juggled  about  settlements  ; 
Did  need  no  licence,  nor  no  priest. 
Nor  friends,  nor  kindred,  to  assist ; 
Nor  lav/yers,  to  join  land  and  money 
In  the  holy  state  of  matrimony,  350 

Before  they  settled  hands  and  hearts. 
Till  alimony  or  death  departs  ;t 
Nor  wou'd  endupe  to  stay,  until 
Th'  had  got  the  very  bride's  good-will, 
But  took  a  wise  and  shorter  course  255 

To  win  the  ladies — downright  force  ; 
And  justly  made  'em  prisoners  then, 
As  they  have,  often  since,  us  men. 
With  acting  plays,  and  dancing  jigs,t 


*  Floras  says  that  Romulus,  wanting  inhabitants  for  his  new 
city,  erected  an  asylum  or  sanctuary  for  robbers  in  a  neighbor- 
ing grove,  and  presently  he  had  people  in  abundance.  But  this 
was  a  people  only  for  an  age,  a  colony  only  of  males,  therefore 
tliey  had  still  to  supply  themselves  with  wives,  and  not  obtain- 
ing them  from  their  neighbors  on  a  civil  application,  they  toolt 
them  by  force. 

t  Thus  printed  in  some  editions  of  the  Prayer  Book,  aRer- 
wards  altered.  "  "till  death  us  do  part,"  as  mentioned  in  a  for- 
mer note.  Suppose  we  here  read,  according  to  some  etiitions, 
'Till  alimony,  or  death  them  parts. 

X  Simulalis  quippe  ludis  equestribus,  virgines,  qute  ad  specta- 
euluni  venerant,  pra-da  fuere.  Pretending  to  exhibit  some  fine 
shows  and  diversions,  they  drew  together  a  concourse  of  young 
women,  and  seized  them  for  their  wives. 


IIUDIBRAS  TO  HIS  LADY.  475 

The  uckiest  of  all  love's  intrigues  ;  260 

And  when  theyjiad  them  at  their  pleasure, 

They  talk'd  of  love  and  flames  at  leisure  ; 

For  after  matrimony's  over, 

He  that  holds  out  but  half  a  lover, 

Deserves,  for  ev'ry  minute,  more  2f5 

Than  half  a  year  of  love  before  ; 

For  which  the  dames,  in  contemplation 

Of  that  best  way  of  application, 

Prov'd  nobler  wives  than  e'er  were  known, 

By  suit,  or  treaty,  to  be  won  ;*  270 

And  such  as  all  posterity 

Cou'd  never  equal,  nor  come  nigh. 

For  women  first  were  made  for  men, 
Not  men  for  them. — It  follows,  then. 
That  men  have  right  to  every  one,  275 

And  they  no  freedom  of  their  own  ; 
And  therefore  men  have  pow'r  to  chuse, 
But  they  no  charter  to  refuse. 
Hence  'tis  apparent  that  what  course 
Soe'er  we  take  to  your  amours,  280 

Though  by  the  indirectest  way, 
'Tis  not  injustice  nor  foul  play  ; 
And  that  you  ought  to  take  that  course 
As  we  take  you,  for  better  or  worse. 
And  gratefully  submit  to  those  885 

Who  you,  before  another,  chose. 
For  why  shou'd  ev'ry  savage  beast 
Exceed  his  great  lord's  interest  ?t 
Have  freer  pow'r  than  he,  in  grace, 
And  nature,  o'er  the  creature  has?  290 

Because  the  laws  he  since  has  made 
Have  cut  off  all  the  pow'r  he  had  ; 
Retrench'd  the  absolute  dominion 
That  nature  gave  him  over  women  ; 
When  all  his  pow'r  will  not  extend  295 

One  law  of  nature  to  suspend  ; 


*  'V^hen  tlie  Sabines  came  with  a  largre  army  to  demand  theii 
daughters,  and  the  two  nations  were  preparing  to  decide  the 
iTiatter  by  fight,  SKvientibus  interveneie  raptae,  laceris  coniis^ 
the  wiiiiien  who  had  been  carried  away  ran  between  the  armies 
with  expressifins  i)f  grief,  and  etiected  a  reconciliation, 
t  That  is,  man,  sonietinies  called  lord  of  the  world  : 
Man  of  all  creatures  the  inost  fierce  and  wild 
That  ever  God  made  or  the  devil  spoil'd: 
The  most  coura;|eous  of  men,  by  want, 
As  well  as  honor,  are  made  valiant.         Butler  s  MS. 


476  HUDIBRAS  TO  HIS  LADY. 

And  but  to  offer  to  repeal 

The  smallest  clp.use,  is  to  repel. 

This,  if  men  riglitiy  understood 

Their  privilege,  they  would  make  good,  300 

And  not,  like  sots,  permit  their  wives 

T'  encroach  on  their  prerogatives, 

For  which  sin  they  deserve  to  be 

Kept,  as  they  arj,  in  slavery: 

And  this  some  precious  gifted  teachers,*  303 

Unrev'rently  reputed  leachers. 

And  disobey'd  in  making  love. 

Have  vow'd  to  all  the  world  to  prove, 

And  make  ye  suffer  as  you  ought, 

For  that  uncharitable  fault :  319 

But  I  forget  myself,  and  rove 

Beyond  th'  instructions  of  my  love. 

Forgive  me,  Fair,  and  only  blame 
Th'  extravagancy  of  my  flame. 

Since  'tis  too  much,  at  once  to  show  31ft 

Excess  of  love  and  temper  too  ; 
All  I  have  said  that's  bad  and  true, 
Was  never  meant  to  aim  at  you. 
Who  have  so  sov'reign  a  controul 
O'er  that  poor  slave  of  yours,  my  soul,  330 

That,  rather  than  to  forfeit  you. 
Has  ventur'd  loss  of  heav'n  too  ; 
Both  with  an  equal  pow'r  possest. 
To  render  all  that  serve  you  blest ; 
But  none  like  him,  who's  destin'd  either  325 

To  have  or  lose  you  both  together ; 
And  if  you'll  but  this  fault  release. 
For  so  it  must  be,  since  you  please, 
I'll  pay  down  all  that  vow,  and  more, 
Which  you  commanded,  and  I  swore,  330 

And  expiate,  upon  my  skin, 
Th'  arrears  in  full  of  all  my  sin : 
For  'tis  but  just  that  I  should  pay 
Th'  accruing  penance  for  delay, 
Which  shall  be  done,  until  it  move  333 

Your  equal  pity  and  your  love. 

The  Knight,  perusing  this  Epistle, 
Believ'd  he  'ad  brought  her  to  his  whistle  ; 
And  read  it,  like  a  jocund  lover. 
With  great  applause,  t'  himself,  twice  over  ;  340 


*  Mr.  Case,  as  some  have  supposed,  but,  according  to  other* 
Dr.  Burgess,  or  Hugh  Peters. 


HUDIPRAS  TO  HIS  LADY.  47- 

Subscrib'd  his  name,  but  at  a  fit 

And  humble  distance,  to  his  wit : 

And  dated  it  with  wondrous  art, 

Giv'n  from  the  bottom  of  his  lieart ;    • 

Then  seal'd  it  with  his  coat  of  love,  345 

A  smokiniT  faggot — and  above 

Upon  a  scroll — I  burn,  and  weep — 

And  near  it — For  her  ladj'ship, 

Of  all  her  sex  most  excellent, 

These  to  her  gentle  hands  present  *  350 

Then  gave  it  to  his  faithful  squire, 

With  lessons  how  t'  observe,  and  eye  her. 

She  first  consider'd  which  was  better, 
To  send  it  back,  or  burn  the  letter : 
But  guessing  that  it  might  import,  355 

Tho'  nothing  else,  at  least  her  sport, 
She  open'd  it,  and  read  it  out. 
With  many  a  smile  and  leering  flout: 
Resolv'd  to  answer  it  in  kind. 
And  thus  perform'd  what  she  design'd.  360 


•  It  was  fashionable  before  Mr.  Butler's  lime  to  be  prolix  In 
the  superscription  of  letters.  Common  fo/nis  were, — To  my 
lunch  honored  friend — To  the  most  exce'l^ft  lady — To  my  lov- 
ing cousin — These  i>rosent  with  care  and  »f  eed,  &c 


THE 
LADY'S    ANSWER 

TO   THE 

KNIGHT. 

That  you  're  a  beast  and  turu'd  to  grass, 

Is  no  strange  news,  nor  ever  was  ; 

At  least  to  me,  who  once,  you  know, 

Did  from  tlie  pound  replevin  you,* 

When  both  your  sword  and  spurs  were  wou  S 

In  combat,  by  an  Amazon  ; 

That  sword  that  did,  like  fate,  deterifiine 

Th'  inevitable  death  of  vermin. 

And  never  dealt  its  furious  blows, 

But  cut  the  throats  of  pigs  and  cows,  10 

By  Trulla  was,  in  single  fight, 

Disarm'd  and  wrested  from  its  Knight, 

Your  heels  degraded  of  your  spurs, 

And  in  the  stocks  close  prisoners : 

Where  still  they  'd  lain,  in  base  restraint,  15 

If  I,  in  pity  of  your  complaint. 

Had  not,  on  hon'rable  conditions, 

Releast  'em  from  the  worse  of  prisons ; 

And  what  return  that  favour  met. 

You  cannot,  tho'  you  wou'd,  forget ;  SO 

When  being  free,  you  strove  t'  esrade, 

Tho  oaths  you  had  in  prison  made  ; 

Forswore  yourself,  and  first  deny'd  it, 

But  after  own'd,  and  justify'd  it: 

And  when  y'  had  falsely  broke  one  vow,  ZS 

Absolv'd  yourself,  by  breaking  two. 

For  while  you  sneakingly  submit. 

And  beg  for  pardon  at  our  feet  ;t 

*  A  replevin  is  a  re-deliverance  of  the  thing  distrained,  to  re- 
main with  the  first  possessor  on  security. 

t  The  widow,  to  lieep  np  her  dignity,  and  importance,  speaks 
>r  herself  in  the  plural  number 


THE  LADY'S  ANSWER.  479 

Discourag'd  by  your  guilty  fears, 

To  hope  for  quarter,  for  your  ears  ;  30 

Aud  doubting  'twas  in  vain  to  sue, 

You  claim  us  boldly  as  your  due. 

Declare  that  treachery  and  force, 

To  deal  with  us,  is  th'  only  course  : 

We  have  no  title  nor  pretence  35 

To  body,  soul,  or  conscience, 

But  ought  to  fall  to  that  man's  share 

That  claims  us  for  his  proper  ware ; 

These  are  the  motives  which,  t'  induce, 

Or  fright  us  into  love,  you  use  ;  40 

A  pretty  new  way  of  gallanting. 

Between  soliciting  aud  ranting  ; 

Like  sturdy  beggars,  that  intreat 

For  charity  at  once,  and  threat. 

But  since  you  undertake  to  prove  45 

Your  own  propriety  in- love. 

As  if  we  were  but  lawful  prize   . 

In  war,  between  two  enemies. 

Or  forfeitures  which  ev'ry  lover, 

That  would  but  sue  for,  might  recover,  50 

It  is  not  hard  to  understand 

The  myst'ry  of  this  bold  demand, 

That  cannot  at  our  persons  aim, 

But  something  capable  of  claim.* 

'Tis  not  those  paltry  counterfeit,  55 

French  stones,  which  in  our  eyes  you  set, 
But  our  right  diamonds,  that  inspire 
And  set  your  am'rous  hearts  on  fire  ; 
Nor  can  those  false  St.  Martin's  beadst 
Which  on  our  lips  you  lay  for  reds,  60 

And  make  us  wear  like  Indian  dames,t 
Add  fuel  to  your  scorching  flames, 
But  those  two  rubies  of  the  rock 
Which  in  our  cabinets  we  lock. 
'Tis  not  tjiose  orient  pearls,  our  teeth, §  65 


*  Their  property. 

f  That  is,  artificial  jewels.  How  they  came  to  be  called  Saint 
Martin's  beads  I  Ivtiow  not;  unless  from  St.  Martino  near  mount 
Vesuvius,  where  the  ejected  lava  is  collected  and  applied  to  this 
purpose.  Mr.  Montague  Bacon  says,  that  at  Rochelle,  not  far 
from  St.  Martin's,  there  is  a  sort  of  red  stones  called  St.  Martin's 
beads. 

t  Female  savages  in  many  parts  of  the  globe  wear  ornaments 
of  fish  bone,  or  glass  when  they  can  get  it,  on  their  lips  and 
noses. 

$  In  the  History  of  Don  Fenise,  a  romance  translated  from  the 


480  THE  LAI  i"S  ANSWER. 

That  you  are  so  transported  with. 

But  those  we  wear  about  our  uecks, 

Produce  those  amorous  effects. 

Nor  is  't  those  threads  of  gold,  our  hair, 

The  periwigs  you  make  us  wear ;  7* 

But  these  bright  guineas  in  our  chests, 

That  hght  the  wildfire  in  your  breasts. 

These  love-tricks  I've  been  vers'd  in  so, 

That  all  their  sly  intrigues  I  know, 

And  can  unriddle,  by  their  tones,  75 

Their  mystic  cabals,  and  jargones  ; 

Can  tell  what  passions,  by  their  sounds. 

Pine  for  the  beauties  of  my  grounds  ; 

What  raptures  fond  and  amorous, 

O'  th'  charms  and  graces  of  my  house  ;  80 

What  extasy  and  scorching  flame. 

Burns  for  my  money  in  my  name  ; 

What  from  th'  unnatural  desire. 

To  beasts  and  cattle,  takes  its  fire  ; 

W^hat  tender  sigh,  and  trickling  tear,  85 

Longs  for  a  thousand  pounds  a  year  ; 

And  languishing  transports  are  fond 

Of  statute,  mortgage,  bill,  and  bond.* 

These  are  th'  attracts  which  most  men  fall 
Enamour'd,  at  first  sight,  withal :  90 

To  these  th'  address  with  serenades, 
And  court  with  balls  and  masquerades  ; 
And  yet,  for  all  the  yearning  paiu 
Ye've  suffer'd  for  their  loves  in  vain, 
I  fear  they'll  prove  so  nice  and  coy,  95 

To  have,  and  t'  hold,  and  to  enjoy  ; 


Spanish  of  Francisco  de  las  Coveras,  and  printed  1656,  mentioned 
by  Dr.  Grey,  p.  269,  is  the  following  passage:  "My  covetous- 
'■  ness  exceeding  my  love,  cotiuselled  nie  that  it  was  better  to 
"  have  gold  money  than  in  threads  of  hair ;  and  to  possess  pearls 
"that  resemble  teeth,  than  teeth  that  were  lilie  pearls." 
In  praising  C'liloris,  moons,  and  stars,  and  skies, 
Are  quickly  made  to  match  her  face  and  eyes  ; 
And  gold  and  rubies,  with  as  little  care, 
To  fit  the  colour  of  her  lips  and  hair: 
And  mixing  suns,  and  fiow'rs,  and  pearl,  and  stones. 
Make  them  serve  all  coniplections  at  once: 
With  these  fine  fancies  at  haphazard  writ, 
1  could  make  verses  without  art  or  wit. 

Butler's  Remains,  v.  i.  p.  88. 
•  Statute  is  a  short  writing  called  Statute  Marchant,  or  Statute 
Staple,  in  the  nature  of  a  bond,  &c.,  made  accoriling  tu  the 
form  expressly  provided  in  certain  statutes,  5th  Hen.  iv.  c.  1^ 
aod  others. 


THE  LADY'S  ANSWER.  481 

That  all  your  oaths  and  labour  lost, 

They'll  ne'er  turn  ladies  of  the  post.* 

This  is  not  meant  to  disapprove 

Your  judgment,  in  your  choice  of  love,  lOfl 

Which  is  so  wise,  the  greatest  part 

Of  mankind  study  't  as  an  art ; 

For  love  shou'd,  like  a  deodand, 

Still  fall  to  th'  owner  of  the  land  ;t 

And  where  there's  substance  for  its  ground,  105 

Cannot  but  be  more  firm  aud  sound,? 

Than  that  which  has  the  slighter  basis 

Of  airy  virtue,  wit,  and  graces  ; 

Which  is  of  such  thin  subtlety, 

It  steals  aud  creeps  in  at  the  eye,  110 

And,  as  it  can't  endure  to  stay. 

Steals  out  again,  as  nice  a  way.§ 

But  love,  that  its  extraction  owns 
From  solid  gold  and  precious  stones, 
Must,  like  its  shining  parent^  prove  115 

As  solid,  and  as  glorious  love. 
Hence  'tis  you  have  no  way  t'  express 
Our  charms  and  graces  but  by  these  ; 
For  what  are  lips,  and  eyes,  and  teeth, || 
Which  beauty  invades  and  conquers  with,  120 

But  rubies,  pearls,  and  diamonds. 
With  which,  a  philter  love  commands ?ir 

This  is  the  way  all  parents  prove, 
In  managing  their  children's  love  ; 

*  That  is,  will  never  swear  for  you,  or  vow  to  talse  you  for  a 
husband. 

t  Any  moving  thing  which  occasions  the  death  of  a  man  is 
forfeiieil  to  the  lord  of  the  manor.  It  was  originally  intended 
that  he  should  dispose  of  It  in  acts  (4" charity  ;  hence  the  name 
deodand.  Or  it  is  a  thing  given,  or  rather  forfeited  to  God,  for  the 
parificalion  of  his  wrath,  in  case  of  misadventurt.  whereby  any 
Christian  man  conielh  to  a  violent  end,  without  the  fault  of  any 
reasonable  creature.  Lewis  XIV.  and  others  born  of  mothers 
that  had  long  been  barren,  were  called  Adeodati. 
X      Optima  sed  quare  Cesennia  teste  marito? 

Bis  quingenta  dedit.  tanti  vocat  ille  pudicam  ; 

Nee  Veneris  pharelris  macer  est ;  aut  lampade  fervet : 

Inde  faces  ardent,  veniunt  a  dole  sagittae. 

Juvenal,  vi.  135. 
$  Farquhar  has  this  thought  in  his  dialogue  between  Archei 
and  Cherry.    See  the  Beau.x  Stratagem. 

II  rlvt  ie6oiy.b)Tal  irorc  • 

•Ot//££  ;  <pUapia. Menand.  Fragni, 

IT  Suppose  we  read,  as  in  some  editions, 

mth  which  as  philters  love  commands. 
21 


482  THE  LADY'S  ANSWER. 

That  force  'em  t'  intermany  and  wed,  121 

As  if  th'  were  burying  of  the  dead  ; 

Cast  earth  to  earth,  as  in  the  grave, 

To  join  in  wedlock  all  they  have, 

And,  when  the  settlement 's  in  force, 

Take  ah  the  rest  for  better  or  worse  ;  130 

For  money  has  a  pov/'r  above 

The  stars,  and  fate,  to  manage  love,* 

Whose  arrows,  learned  poets  hold, 

That  never  miss,  are  tipp'd  with  gold.t 

And  tho'  some  say,  the  parents'  claims  135 

To  make  love  in  their  children's  names,} 

Who,  many  times,  at  once  provide 

The  nurse,  the  husband,  and  the  bride. 

Feel  darts  and  charms,  attracts  and  flames. 

And  woo,  and  contract,  in  their  names,  .    140 

And  as  they  christen,  use  to  marry  'em  ; 

And,  like  their  gossips,  answer  for  'em  ; 

Is  not  to  give  in  matrimony, 

But  sell  and  prostitute  for  money. 

'Tis  better  than  their  own  betrothing,  145 

Who  often  do  't  for  worse  than  nothing  ; 

And  when  they  're  at  their  own  dispose, 

With  greater  disadvantage  choose. 

All  this  is  right ;  but,  for  the  course 

You  take  to  do  't,  by  fraud  or  force,  1 50 

'Tis  so  ridiculous,  as  soon 

As  told,  'tis  never  to  be  done,§ 


•        Et  genus  et  formatn  regina  Pecunia  donat, 

Ac  bene  nummatum  decorat  Suadela  Venusque. 

Hor.  Epist.  lib.  i.  vi.  37. 

'Eyu  i'  \nri\a^ov  xPViyiyiovi  tvai  Otov; 

T'  apyvpiov  I'lulv  Kal  to  xP^''^'»'  P-^vov. 

Menand.  Frag 

t  In  Ovid's  Metamorphoses,  i.  468,  Cupid  employs  two  ar- 
rows, one  of  gold,  and  the  other  of  lead :  the  former  causing 
love,  the  latter  avi  rsion. 

Eque  sagittifera  prompsit  duo  tela  pharetra 
fJiversorum  operum  :  fugat  hoc,  facit  illud  amnrem. 
Quod  facit  auratum  est,  et  cuspide  fulget  acuta: 
Quod  fugat  obtusum  est,  et  habet  sub  arundine  plumbum. 

X  Though  it  is  thus  printed  in  all  the  copies  I  have  seen,  yet 
claim  and  name  should  seem  a  better  reading,  to  avoid  false  con- 
curd:  for  claim  is  the  nominative  case  to  Is  in  verse  143. 

^  riee  P.  i.  c.  ii.  1.  076: 

Shall  dictum  factum  both  be  brought 
To  condign  punishment. 


THE  LADY'S  ANSWER.  483 

No  more  than  setters  can  betray,* 

That  tell  what  tricks  they  are  to  play. 

Marriage,  at  best,  is  but  a  vow,  151 

Which  all  men  either  break  or  bow ; 

Then  what  will  those  forbear  to  do. 

Who  perjure  when  they  do  but  woo  ? 

Such  as  beforehand  swear  and  lie, 

For  earnest  to  their  treachery,  160 

And  rather  than  a  crime  confess, 

With  greater  strive  to  make  it  less: 

Like  thieves,  who,  after  sentence  past. 

Maintain  their  inn'cence  to  the  last ; 

And  when  their  crimes  were  made  appear,  163 

As  plain  as  witnesses  can  swear. 

Yet  v/hen  the  wretches  come  to  die, 

Will  take  upon  their  death  a  lie. 

Nor  are  the  virtues  you  coufess'd 

T'  your  ghostly  father,  as  you  guess'd,  170 

So  slight  as  to  be  justify'd. 

By  being  as  shamefully  deny'd  ; 

As  if  you  thought  your  word  would  pass. 

Point-blank  on  both  sides  of  a  case  : 

Or  credit  were  not  to  be  lost  175 

B'  a  brave  knight-errant  of  the  post, 

That  eats  perfidiously  his  word, 

And  swears  his  ears  thro'  a  two-inch  board  :t 

Can  own  the  same  thing,  and  disown, 

And  perjure  booty  pro  and  con  ;  180 

Can  make  the  Gospel  serve  his  turn. 

And  help  him  out  to  be  forsworn  ; 

When  'tis  laid  hands  upon,  and  kist, 

To  be  betray'd  and  sold,  like  Christ. 

These  are  the  virtues  in  whose  name  185 

A  right  to  all  the  world  you  claim, 

And  boldly  challenge  a  dominion, 

In  grace  and  nature,  o'er  all  women; 

Of  whom  no  less  will  satisfy. 

Than  all  the  sex,  your  tyranny :  190 


*  Setter,  a  term  frequent  in  tho  comedies  of  the  last  century : 
sometimes  it  seems  to  be  a  pimp,  sometimes  a  spy,  but  most 
usually  an  attendant  on  a  cheating  gamester,  who  introduces 
unpractised  youths  to  be  pillaged  by  him;  what  a  setting  dog  is 
to  a  sportsman. 

t  That  is,  endeavors  to  shield  himself  from  the  punishment 
due  to  perjury,  the  loss  of  his  ears,  by  a  desperate  perseverancfi 
in  false  swearing.  A  person  is  said  to  swear  through  a  two- 
Inch  board,  when  he  makes  cath  of  any  thing  which  was  con 
cealed  from  him  by  a  thick  door  or  partition. 


484  THE  LADY'S  ANSWER. 

Altho'  you'll  find  it  a  hard  province, 

With  all  your  crafty  frauds  and  covins,*  ' 

To  govern  such  a  num'rous  crew, 

Who,  one  by  one,  now  govern  you  ; 

For  if  you  all  were  Solomons,  IM 

And  wise  and  great  as  he  was  once. 

You'll  find  they're  able  to  subdue, 

As  they  did  him,  and  bafile  you. 

And  if  you  are  impos'd  upon, 

'Tis  by  your  own  temptation  done  :  200 

That  with  your  ignorance  invite, 

And  teach  us  how  to  use  the  slight. 

For  when  we  find  y're  still  more  taken 

With  false  attracts  of  our  own  making. 

Swear  that's  a  rose,  and  that's  a  stone,  205 

Like  sots,  to  us  that  laid  it  on, 

And  what  we  did  but  slightly  prime, 

Most  ignorantly  daub  in  rhyme  ; 

You  force  us,  in  our  own  defences. 

To  copy  beams  and  influences  ;  210 

To  lay  perfections  on  the  graces, 

And  draw  attracts  upon  our  faces  ; 

And,  in  compliance  to  your  wit. 

Your  own  false  jewels  counterfeit : 

For,  by  the  practice  of  those  arts,  215 

We  gain  a  greater  share  of  hearts  ; 

And  those  deserve  in  reason  most. 

That  greatest  pains  and  study  cost ; 

For  great  perfections  are,  like  heav'n. 

Too  rich  a  present  to  be  giv'n  :  220 

Nor  are  those  master-strokes  of  beauty 

To  be  perform'd  without  hard  duty, 

Which,  when  they're  nobly  done,  and  well, 

The  simple  natural  excel. 

How  fair  and  sweet  the  planted  rose,t  225 


*  Covin  is  i  term  of  law,  signifying  a  deceitful  compact  be- 
tween two  or  more,  to  deceive  or  prejudice  others. 

t  This  and  the  following  lines  are  beautiful.  Mr.  Bacon  sup- 
poses that  the  poet  alludes  to  Milton,  when  he  says: 

Though  paradise  were  e'er  so  fair, 
It  was  not  kept  so  without  care. 

The  moral  sense  of  the  passage  may  be  found  in  Horace,  lib, 
iv.  O.  4  : 

Doctrina  sed  vim  promovet  insitam 
Rectique  cultus  pec  ora  roborant. 

And  the  sweetness  of  the  verse  In  Catull.  rarm.  Nuptial. 
39,  &c. : 


THE  LADY'S  ANSWER.  485 

Beyond  the  wild  in  hedges  grows ! 

For,  without  art,  the  noblest  %eeds 

Of  flowers  degenerate  into  weeds : 

How  dull  and  rugged,  ero  'tis  ground, 

And  polish'd,  looks  a  diamond?  239 

Though  paradise  were  e'er  So  fair, 

It  was  not  kept  so  without  care. 

Tlie  whole  world,  without  art  and  dress, 

Would  be  but  one  great  wilderness ; 

And  mankind  but  a  savage  herd,  23S 

For  all  that  nature  has  conferr'd : 

This  does  but  rough-hew  and  design, 

Lea  res  art  to  polish  and  refiue. 

Though  women  first  were  made  for  men, 

Yet  men  were  made  for  them  agen  :  240 

For  when,  out-witted  by  his  wife, 

Man  first  turn'd  tenant  but  for  life,* 

If  woman  had  not  interven'd, 

How  soon  had  mankind  had  an  end  I 

And  that  it  is  in  being  yet,  245 

To  us  alone  you  are  in  debt. 

Then  where's  your  liberty  of  choice, 

And  our  unnatural  no-voice  ?  • 

Since  all  the  privilege  you  boast, 

And  falsely  usurp'd,  or  vainly  lost,  350 

Is  now  our  right,  to  whose  creation 

You  owe  your  happy  restoration. 

And  if  we  had  not  weighty  cause 

To  not  appear  in  making  laws. 

We  cou'd,  in  spite  of  all  your  tricks,  255 

And  shallow  formal  politics. 

Force  you  our  managements  t'  obey. 

As  we  to  yours,  in  shew,  give  way. 

Hence  'tis,  that  while  you  vainly  strire 

T'  advance  your  high  prerogative,  260 

You  basely,  after  all  your  braves. 

Submit  and  own  yourselves  our  slaves ; 

And  'cause  we  do  not  make  it  known, 

Nor  publicly  our  int'rests  own. 

Like  sots,  suppose  we  have  no  shares  265 

lu  ord'ring  you,  and  your  affairs. 


Ut  flos  in  septis  nasciturhortis, 

Ijinouis  pecnri,  niillo  contusus  aratro, 

(iiiein  mulcent  aurse,  firniat  sol,  ectucat  imber.    • 

*  i.  e.  When  man  became  subject  to  death  by  eating  the  for 
bidden  fruit  at  the  persuasion  of  the  woinan. 


486  THE  LADY'S  ANSWER. 

When  all  your  empire,  and  command, 

You  have  from  us,  at'second  hand  ; 

As  if  a  jiilot,  that  appears 

To  sit  still  only,  while  he  steers,  '  87S 

And  does  not  make  a  noise  and  stir, 

Like  ev'ry  common  mariner. 

Knew  nothing  of  the  chart,  nor  star, 

And  did  not  guide  the  man  of  war ; 

IS'or  we,  because  we  don't  appea-r  875 

Li  councils,  do  not  govern  there : 

While,  like  the  mighty  Prester  John, 

Whose  person  none  dares  look  upon,* 

But  is  preserv'd  in  close  disguise. 

From  b'ing  made  cheap  to  vulgar  eyes,  280 

W'  enjoy  as  large  a  pow'r  unseen. 

To  govern  him,  as  he  does  men  : 

And,  in  the  right  of  our  Pope  Joan, 

Make  emp'rors  at  our  feet  fall  down  • 

Or  Joan  de  Pucelie's  braver  name,  385 

Our  right  to  arms  and  conduct  claim ; 

Who,  tho'  a  spinster,  yet  was  able 

To  serve  France  for  a  grand  constable. 

We  make  and  execute  all  laws. 

Can  judge  the  judges,  and  the  cause  :  890 

Prescribe  all  rules  of  right  or  wrong. 

To  th'  long  robe,  and  the  longer  tongue, 

'Gainst  which  the  world  has  no  defence. 

But  our  more  pow'rful  eloquence. 

We  manage  things  of  greatest  weight  295 

In  all  the  world's  affairs  of  state  ;  ' 

Are  ministers  of  war  and  peace, 

That  sway  all  nations  how  we  please. 

We  rule  all  ciiurches,  and  their  flocks. 

Heretical  and  orthodox,  300 


*  The  name  or  title  of  Prester  .lohn,  has  been  given  by  travel- 
lers to  the  king  of  Tendiic  in  Asia,  who,  like  the  Abyssine,  or 
Lthiopian  emperors,  preserved  great  state,  and  did  not  con- 
descend to  be  seen  by  his  sulijects  above  twice  or  three  times  a 
year.  Mandeville,  who  pretends  to  have  travelled  over  Prester 
John's  country,  and  is  very  prolix  on  the  subject,  makes  him 
sovereign  of  an  archipelago  of  isles  in  India  be\ond  Bactria,  and 
says  that,  "  A  former  emperor  travelled  into  Egypt,  where  being 
"present  at  divine  service,  he  asked  who  those  persons  were 
"that  stood  before  the  bishop?  And  being  told  they  should  be 
"  priests,  he  said,  he  would  no  more  be  called  king,  nor  emperor, 
"  but  priest;  and  would  have  the  naine  of  him  that  came  first 
'"out  of  the  priests,  and  was  called  John,  and  so  have  all  the- 
"emperors  since  been  called  Prester  John." — Cap.  99. 


THE  LAD\  'S  ANSWER.  487 

And  are  the  heavenly  vehicles 

O'  th'  spirits  in  all  conventicles.:* 

By  us  is  all  commerce  and  trade 

Improv'd,  and  manag'd,  and  decay'd : 

For  nothing  can  go  olf  so  well,  305 

Nor  bears  that  price,  as  what  we  sell. 

We  rule  in  evTy  public  meeting, 

And  make  men  do  what  we  judge  fitting  ;f 

Are  magistrates  in  all  great  towns. 

Where  men  do  nothing  but  wear  gowns.  316 

We  make  the  man  of  war  strike  sail, 

And  to  our  braver  conduct  veil, 

And,  when  he  'as  chas'd  his  enemies, 

Submit  to  us  upon  his  knees. 

Is  there  an  officer  of  state,  31t 

Untimely  rais'd,  or  magistrate. 

That's  haughty  and  imperious  ? 

He's  but  a  journeyman  to  us. 

That,  as  he  gives  us  cause  to  do't, 

Can  keep  him  in,  or  turn  him  out.  320 

We  are  your  guardians,  that  increase, 

Or  waste  your  fortunes  how  we  please  ; 

And,  as  you  humour  us,  can  deal 

In  all  your  matters,  ill  or  well. 

'Tis  we  that  can  dispose  alone,  325 

Whether  your  heirs  shall  be  your  own  ; 

To  whose  integrity  you  must, 

In  spite  of  all  your  caution,  trust ; 

And,  less  you  fly  beyond  the  seas. 

Can  fit  you  witii  what  heirs  we  please ;  33C 

And  force  you  t'  own  them,  tho'  begotten 

By  French  valets,  or  Irish  footmen. 

Nor  can  the  rigorousest  course 

Prevail,  unless  to  make  us  worse  ; 

Who  still,  the  harsher  we  are  us'd,  335 

Are  further  off  from  I'ing  reduc'd  ; 

And  scorn  t'  abate,  for  any  ills. 

The  least  punctilio  of  our  wills,- 

Force  does  but  whet  our  wits  t'  apply 

Arts,  born  with  us,  for  remedy,  340 

Which  all  your  politics,  as  yet. 


*  As  good  veliicles  at  least  as  the  cloak-bag,  which  was  said 
to  have  conveyed  the  same  from  Rome  to  the  council  of  Trent. 

t  A  great  part  of  what  is  here  said  on  the  political  influence 
of  women,  was  aimed  at  the  court  of  Charles  II.,  or  perhaps  at 
the  wife  of  General  Monk. 


4S8  THE  LADY'S  ANSWER. 

Have  ne'er  been  able  to  defeat : 

For,  when  ye  've  try'd  all  sorts  of  ways, 

What  fools  do  we  make  of  you  in  plays? 

While  all  the  favours  we  atford,  345 

Are  but  to  girt  you  with  the  sword, 

To  fight  our  battles  in  our  steads, 

And  have  your  brains  beat  out  o'  your  heads ; 

Encounter,  in  despite  of  nature. 

And  fight,  at  onee,  with  fire  and  water,  350 

With  pirates,  rocks,  and  storms,  and  seas, 

Our  pride  and  vanity  t'  appease  ; 

Kill  one  another,  and  cut  throats. 

For  our  good  graces,  and  best  thoughts  ; 

To  do  your  exercise  for  honour,  355 

And  have  your  brains  beat  out  the  sooner; 

Oi  crack'd,  as  learnedly,  upon 

Things  that  are  never  to  be  known  : 

And  still  appear  the  more  industrious, 

The  more  your  projects  are  prepost'rous,  360 

To  square  the  circle  of  the  arts. 

And  run  stark  mad  to  shew  your  parts  ; 

Expound  the  oracle  of  laws, 

Aud  turn  them  which  way  we  see  cause  ; 

Be  our  solicitors,  and  agents,  363 

And  stand  for  us  in  all  engagements. 

And  these  are  all  the  mighty  pow'rs 

You  vainly  boast  to  cry  down  ours ; 

And  ivhat  in  real  value's  wanting. 

Supply  with  vapouring  and  ranting:  370 

Because  yourselves  are  terrify'd, 

Aud  stoop  to  one  another's  pride  • 

Believe  we  have  as  little  wit 

To  be  out-hector'd,  and  submit : 

By  your  example,  lose  that  riglit  875 

In  treaties,  which  we  gaiu'd  in  fight  :* 

And  terrify'd  into  an  awe. 

Pass  on  ourselves  a  salique  law  ;t 


*  Enslanri,  in  every  period  of  her  history,  has  been  thousht 
more  siiccessful  in  war  than  in  negotiation.  Conjireve.  reflecting 
n|inn  queen  Anne's  last  ministry,  in  his  Epistle  to  Lord  Cobhani, 
says  : 

He  far  thnt  guilt,  be  never  known  that  shame, 
That  Rritain  should  retract  her  rifihlful  claim, 
Or  stain  with  |)en  the  triumphs  of  her  sword  ! 

t  The  salique  law  dehors  the  succession  of  females  to  some 
inheritances.  Thus  kiiiphts'  fees,  or  lands  hnlden  of  the  crowa 
by  knights'  service,  are  in  some  parts,  as  the  learned  Selden  ob 


THE  LADY'S  ANSWER.  489 

Or,  as  some  nations  use,  give  place, 

And  truckle  to  your  mighty  race :  380 

Let  men  usurp  th'  unjust  dominicin, 

As  if  they  were  the  better  women.* 

serves,  terroe  salicac:  males  only  are  allowed  to  inherit  such 
lands,  because  the  females  cannot  perform  the  serviced  for 
which  they  are  granted.  See  Selden's  notes  on  the  seventeenth 
song  of  Drayton's  Polyolbion.  The  French  have  extended  this 
law  to  the  inheritance  of  the  crown  itself.  See  Shakspeare, 
Henry  V.,  Act  i.  scene  ii. 

*  The  Lady  concludes  with  great  spirit:  but  it  may  be  that 
the  influence  of  the  sex  has  not  been  much  overrated  by  her. 
.\ristophanes  hath  two  entire  plays  to  demonstrate,  ironically, 
the  superiority  of  the  female  sex.    See  v.  538  of  the  Lysislrata, 

In  Butler's  Common-place  Book,  are  the  following  lines  unilef 
the  article  JfTature  and  Art: 

The  most  divine  of  all  the  works  of  nature 
Was  not  to  make  the  model,  but  the  matter: 
A  man  may  build  without  design  and  rules 
But  not  without  materials  and  tools  : 
This  lady,  like  a  fish's  row,  had  room 
For  such  a  shoal  of  infants  in  her  womb  : 
The  truest  glasses  naturally  misplace 
The  lineaments  and  features  of  her  face, 
The  right  and  left  still  counterchange, 
And  in  the  rooms  of  one  another  range  ; 
Nature  denies  brute  animals  expression. 
Because  they  are  incapable  of  reason. 

Precious  stones  not  only  do  foretell 
The  dire  effects  of  poison,  but  repel 
When  no  one  person's  able  t'  understand 
The  vast  stupendous  uses  of  the  hand  ; 
The  only  engine  helps  the  wit  of  man. 
To  bring  the  world  in  compass  of  a  span  : 
From  raising  mighty  fabrics  on  the  seas, 
To  filing  chains  to  fit  the  necks  of  fleas. 
The  left  hand  is  but  deputy  to  the  right, 
That  for  a  journeyman  is  v/ont  t'  einplof  't 

2i» 


INDEX  TO  THE  NOTES. 


rxoE. 

Act  (deuce 225 

Achilles 131 

Achimphel 388 

Acteoii lUl 

Atlniinistrings 353 

Adriatic 244 

Affidavit  hand 3-27 

malters 381 

Aganda  92 

Agitators 380 

Agrippa,  Sir 61,279 

Ajax 93,100 

Albertus  194 

Magnus  95 

Alcoran 415 

Alessandro  Tassoni  (Life)  21 

Alexander  Hales 42 

the  Great 159 

Alimony  351 

Allegorical  explanation  of 

Hiidihras  (Life) 26 

Alligators  413 

Almanac 262 

Amazons 339 

Anagram 338 

Anaxagoras 283 

Anchorite 343 

Aninialia 169 

Animals  bandy'd  balls  ••. .  82 

Anthroposophus 61 

Antipathies,  perverse 45 

Antwerp 257 

Apocryphal   396 

Apollo  89 

Apollonius  280 

ofTyana 62 

Apostles  245 

Aquinas,  Thomas 42 

Aralus 270 

Arbitrary  ale  and  wine  .•.  461 

Arsie  versie  153 

Arthur 50 

Aruspicy  and  Aug'ry 252 

Ascendant   267 

Atoms  justiing 300 


1  Alone 400 

t  Augustus 282 

Austrian  Archduke 132 

1  A  verrhois 281 

Babel,  laborers  of 39 

i  Babylon,  whore  of  • . .  162,  245 

!  Bacon,  Roger 95 

!  Bacrack 451 

I  Bail 329 

Bardashing 320 

Barnacles 397 

Barratry   463 

Bases 216 

white  113 

Bassa  211 

Bawd  and  Brandy 216 

Beards  47,  183,  315,369 

Bears     whelped     without 

form 170 

Beavers 81 

Beer  glasses 210 

Behuien,  Jacob 61 

Berenice  288 

Bet  413 

Biancafiore 211 

Bilks 267 

Birds,  speech  of ••  62 

Blackcaps   165 

Black-pudding 384 

Board 316 

Bobbing 359 

Bombastus 277 

Boniface - 167 

Bonner,  Bishop 236 

Booker 258,  298 

Booth,  Sir  George  (Life)  ••  27 

Bos,  abb6du  (Life)  28 

Bough,  golden 57 

Boute-feus   72 

Bow 323 

Bray'd  305 

Breeches,     Adam's     first 

green  60 

Breese  367 


4i)2 


INDEX. 


Brewer 53 

Bright,  Mr.  Henry,  his  epi- 
taph (Life)  10 

Broking-trade  in  love 324 

Brotherhood,  holy  35G 

Brown  ("Life)  25 

Brown-bills.. 392 

Bucephalus 55,  187 

Bullen,  siege  of 49 

Bull-feasts   314 

Bulwer(Life) 25 

Bunikin 54 

Burton  (Life) 25 

Butler  (Life)   9-17 

Byfield 396 


Oabal 59, 

Cacus  

Caitilf 

Ca  Ira  of  Paris  (Life)  

Calamies  and  Cases 

Calatny 

Caldes'd 

Calendae  

Caliban  

Caligula 

Callistratus  (Life) 

Cambay,  prince  of 

Camelion 

Cannibal  

Capriches  

Cardan 

Cardinals 

Carew   

Carinina  Macaronica  (Life) 

Carnal  liour-glass 

Carneades  

Carroches 

Casa,  Cardinal 

Case 

Cashier'd  and chous'd .... 

Catasta  

Cause 

Cajsar's  horse 

CiEsar,  Julius 95, 

Cerberus  

Chaii,  modern 

Chaldeans 

Chaldean  conjurers  

Characters  by  Bishop  Earle 

(Life) 

Butler  (Life) 

Cleveland 

(Life) 

Chariots,  whimsy'd 

Charles  XII 

Chartel    

Charters,  old   

Cheat 

Cheek  by  joul   

Chimera  


409 
193 
140 

25 
396 
106 
295 
291 
320 
453 

24 
207 
179 

56 
320 
290 
108 
221 
"23 
161 

38 
448 
191 
106 
372 
187 
104 

54 
282 

39 

59 
28* 
291 

17 
17 

17 

307 
152 
36 

200 
251 

182 
170 


PAGE 

Chineses 333 

Chitterlings  85 

Chous'd 295 

Chronical  289 

Church  discipline 105 

dragoons 373 

militant 44 


Circulation 289 

Clapper-clawing 220 

Classic ••     74 

Classics 208 

Clergy  of  her  helly 342 

Cloistered  friars 339 

Coals,  price  of 384 

Cold  iron 127 

Colon  100 

Comets 46,84 

Commendation  ninepence     57 

Commissioners   164 

Committee-men 3f.,  Ill 

Commuted  318 

Conclave • 427 

Conjurers  276,279 

Conscience 354,  399 

Constellations 270,  288 

Conventicle  427 

Conventicles  487 

Cook 433 

Copernicus •  •  •  290 

Cordeliere 48 

Cornets  406 

Cornwall 259 

Corrupted  texts 368 

Cotton's  travesty  (Life)  •  •     23 

Cough   33 

Course  without  law 307 

Coursing  (Life) 11 

in  the  schools  .  -  •  422 

Covenant  70 

Covins 484 

Cow-itch •  2.35 

Coy 342 

Cravat  165 

Crete,  queen  of 192 

Creusa 89 

Crincam   335 

Cromwell 77,  224,  249 

Crony 350,423 

Crooked  sticks 399 

Cross  and  pile 334 

the  cudgels 370 

Crowdero 84,  85 

Crowley,  poet 83 

Cucking-stool    24* 

Culpepper 2.'58 

Culprits 301 

Cup,  ancient  59 

Cupid ; 133 

Curmudgin  .  •'• 236 

Curry 235 

Curule  wit  -'    69 


INDEX. 


493 


PAGE. 
..  Jll 
..       71 


Cul-purse 

Cynarccoinarchy 


Dacser 52 

Dalilahs    41(i 

Damon 418 

nazzlinp-rooin 312 

Dea<l  liDises 332 

Dee,  Or 2(">1 

Demosthenes 40 

Denham,  Sir  John 2G8 

Deodand   481 

330 
3t)9 
277 
32] 
375 


Deshornnjrh  

Devil's  dain 

looking-glass  • 

Dewtry 

Dial 

DialecticSs 1C9 

Diastole 205 

Diego,  Don  86 

Dighy,  Lord 104 

--   —  Sir  Kenelm  (Life)       25 

Dighled  157 

Diogenes 159,  339 

Diomedes 101 

Directory  IGO,  2.37 

Discretion 185 

Disparata 174 

Dispose  65 

Dissenters 414 

Dividends 370 

Diurnals  180 

Doctor,  epidemic 94 

Doctor's  bill 65 

Dog-bolt 178 

Doll,  common  390 

Dolts 393 

Donship 444 

Don/.el 274 

Double  rhymes  (Life)  ••••     27 

Doublets 201 

Drasiin's  tail  271 

Drazels  345 

Dream,  erroneous 377 

Drill'd  143 

Drudging 52 

Druids  203 

Dr jui  heads. .  -  •  • 31J5 

Dry-n-arsed  by  a  bear  ....     87 

Ducatoon 132 

Dudgeon 33,  52 

Dun  431 

Scotus 42 

Dunstan   276 

Earls  Crooinlie  (Life) 11 

Ears,  inward  315 

long  ones 35 

Echo 134 

Efficace 394 

Egyptians  worship  dogs  . .    72 


FAGK. 

Eggs 243 

rotten 306 

Elenchi  169 

Elephant 106 

Elf .V24 

Elysium 312 

Empedocles  80 

Enchantment 277 

Engagement 222 

Engine 191 

Ensconc'd 142 

Entity  and  quiddity 41 

Epistolffi  obscurorum  viro- 

rum  (Life)  23 

Errant  44 

Erra  Pater  40 

Eratosthenes 270 

Esse.x 22.1 

Et  cetera,  oath  109 

E.vecution 315 

E.xempts  394 

E.vigent  346 

E.\igents  52 

Ex  officio 229 

E.xpedient 224,  391  . 

Extend 456 

Extract    numbers    out    of 

matter  63 

Facet  201 

Fadg'd 369 

Fame 179 

Fanatics   359 

Fantastic 189 

Fantastical  advowtry  ••••  321 

Fate  252 

Fears 34 

Feathers 156 

Fellow 93 

Fern  440 

Fight  again 449 

Fig-tree  (Life) 22 

Fines 343 

Fisher's  Folly.....' 407 

Fisk  268 

Fitters  313 

Fleetwood  380 

Florio 211 

Floud 61 

Forlorn  hope 303 

Four  seas 331 

Frankpledge 229 

Freewill 45 

Fulhams   203 

Gabardine 145 

Galenist 457 

Gallows-tree    2r)8 

Ganzas 285 

Gaf)lers,  Roman  329 


I  Gauntlet,  blue 


113 


494 


INDEX. 


PAGE. 

Generation  341 

Genethliacs   282 

Geomancy  349 

Geometry  288 

George-a-Green 236 

Georfje,  Sir  or  saint !)3 

Gibellines   309 

Gills  243 

Gizzards  398 

Glass 333 

Glassy  bubble 232 

CMeaves  393 

Glow-worm  371 

Goats .398 

Gondibert 99 

Goropins  Becanus 43 

Gossip  181 

Grass  101 

Greasy  light   251 

Greece    284 

Green-hastings 305 

Greenland 333 

Green-men  334 

Greshamcarts 303 

college 308 

Grey,  Dr.  (Life) 16 

Grind  her  lips  upon  a  mill  201 

Grizel 113 

Gros  led,  Robert 260 

Groves 381 

Guells  ^ 399 

Gymnosojdiist 259 

Haberdasher 388. 

Habergeon   145' 

Hal)-nal>  294 

Hallowing  carriers'   packs 

and  bells 384 

Halter  proof 314 

Hampden  104 

Hans-mwns 379 

Hardiknule 348 

Hard  words  33 

Hares 243 

Harpocrates 430 

Harrison  221 

Haunches 384 

Hayley(Ufe) 2.5 

Hazlerig  4S2 

Heart-breakers  47 

Hebrew  roots 37 

Hector  118 

Heir  apparent 379 

Helmoiit  210 

Hemp-plot 370 

Henderson   421 

Heraclides 333 

-(Life)  26 

Herald •• 281 

Hermetic !,(0  i 

Uiccius  Doctius 4!i0 


PASK 

High  places  ■     ..302 

Hight 41,255 

Hint 307 

Hipparchus(Life) 24 

Hoccamore 451 

Hocus-pocus 464 

Holborn 389 

Holders-forlh 423 

Holidays  381 

Holland 77 

HoUowflint 264 

Honor 233 

Honor's  temple  208 

Hook  or  Crook 408 

Horary  inspection 294 

Horseman's  weight 379 

Horse-shoe 204 

Hose 300 

Hudibras,  his  name .32 

Hugger-mugger 137 

Hughson 423 

Huns   92 

Hurricane 376 

Hypocondres  2S5 

Idus  291 

Ignatius 395,433 

Ignis  fatuus  59 

Implicit  aversion   197 

generation 331 

Imprimatur    for    Hudibras 

(Life)  12 

Independents 55 

Indian  magician  270 

plantations 270 

widows  332 

Indians  fought  for  monkeys' 

teeth 72 

Infant 292 

Ingenuity  and  wit 203 

Ingram,  Mr.  (Life) 30 

Injunction,  original  (Life)      13 

Intelligible  world 60 

Intelligences 270 

Influences 2~7 

Irish,  wild 60 

Iron  lance 297 

Ironside 348 

Issachar 304 

Jacob's  staff 286 

Jealousies 34 

Jefferies,  Thomas  (Life)..     U 

Jesuits 227 

Jimmers,  Sarah 293 

Joan  of  France 97 

Job 113 

Jobbernol 403 

Justice 459 


Kelly  . 


358,261  S77 


INDEX. 


4<J5 


PAGE. 

iCine  Jesus 380 

Kircherus 434 

Knacks 2i)8 

Knee,  stubborn 36 

Knight,  (Jubbed 121 

Knightsbridae 415 

Knights,  cross-legged..  5G,  46.0 
of  the  post.  • .  64,  254 

Ladies  of  the  lakes 341 

L:idv-day 346 

I^imberi 380 

L;tocoon 77 

Law,  goes  to 45fi 

Laws,  fundamental 71 

Lawyers 251 

Lay-elder 162 

Leiigue,  holy,  in  France  . .  lUi) 

Leaguer 190 

Learning,  ancient  and  mod- 
em     82 

that  cobweb  of 

the  brain 171 

Leash  of  languages 39 

Leech 91 

Lenthal 308 

Lescus 261 

Levet ; 239 

Lewkners 341 

Leyden,  John  of ».   380 

Light,  new 285 

Lilbnurn 38S 

Lilliburlero  (Life) 24,25 

Lilly,  William... .  40,  258,  298 

Li  nsey- woolsey 383 

Linstock 247 

Lob's  pound 156 

Longees 316 

Loudon 2.57 

Love 209,481 

Loveday,  Dr.  (Life) 30 

Lovers 344 

Louse 264 

Luez 435 

Luke,  Sir  Samuel 35 

his  family  (Life) ..     12 

Lunatics 285 

Lunsford 415 

Lurch  301,373 

Lute-strings 263 

Luther,  Martin 257 

Lydiandubs 210 

Jlachia vel 3.54 

RIagi.  Persian 368 

Magnano 159 

Mahomet 46,270,395 

Maidenheads 263 

Mainprized 254 

Maintenance  463 

Milignants 108 


PAGE. 

Mall,  English 97 

Mamaluke  76 

Mandrake 337 

Rlanicon  322 

Mantles  della  guerre 942 

Mantos,  yellow 334 

Marcle-hill 417 

Margaret's  fast 391 

Marriage 193,329-331 

Marry 462 

Mars 259 

Marshal  Legion's 442 

Mascon 257 

Masses 421 

Mathematic  line 338 

Matter,  naked 03 

Mazarenade  (Life) 24 

Mazzard   Ill 

Median  emperor 282 

Med'cine 251 

Melampus 62 

Menckenius 260 

Mercurius  aulicus  (Life).-     13 

Merlin 96 

Meroz 417 

Metaphysic  wit 41 

Metonomy   275 

Michaelmas 546 

Milton C7 

Mince  pies 43 

Miscreants 376 

Mompesson 182 

Mouius 232 

Monies 423 

Montaigne 216 

playing  with  his  cat    33 

Moon 213,262 

Moral  men 376 

Mordicus 72 

Morpion 326 

Mother  wits 471 

Music  malleable 44 

Nab,  mother 406 

Naked  truth 445 

Napier 299,387 

Nash 301 

National 74 

Navel 44 

Nebuchadnezzar 467 

Necromantic 254 

Negus 187 

Neile 308 

Nevv-enlighlened  men  •  ••  •  372 

Nick 355 

Night 3.56 

Niuimers 298 

Nine-worthiness 113 

Nock 49 

Noel,  Sir  Martin 431 

Nokes,  Joan  of 331 


496 


INDEX. 


PAGE. 

Number  of  the  beast 404 

Niinclieons 51 

Nurenlierg,  Eusebius 85 

Nurse,  to 30t) 

Nurture 3(lG 

Nye 396,  472 


Oaths 

Ob 

Ocham.  William 

Old  tlogs,  young 

'I'esiament 

women 

Oliver  Cromwell 

Onslaujiht 

Opposition 

Orcades 

Ordeal 

Ordinances 72, 

Orifien  (Life) 

Orsin 86, 

Os  sacrum 

Ovation 

Owen  ••••  » 

Owl 

Athenian 

Oxford  (I/ife) 

Lord  (Life) 


Padders 

Palmistry 

Paper  lanthorn.-.. 

Paracelsian 

Paracelsus 

Paradise,  bird  of  •  • 

on  earth  • 

seat  of-  •  • 


Parliament,  female  . 

Paris,  garden 

Parthians 130, 

Patents 

Pawns 

Paws,  bears  suck  them  •  •  • 

Paying  poundage  

Pearce,  Dr.  Zachary  (Life) 

Peccai'illos 

Pegu,  emperor  of 

Pendulum 

Penguins • 

Penitentials 

Penthesile 

Perfection-truths    

Pernicmn 

Perpendic'lars 

Perriwigs 156, 

Persia 

Petard 

Petitions 

Petronel    

Pharsalia 

Philip  and  M«ry 


FAOB. 

Philips,  Sir  Richard 349 

Philo  (Life) 26 

Philters 312 

Physiognomy  of  grace  .•••    164 

Picqueer  389 

Picture,  uch  of 67 

Pie-powder 229 

Pigeons,  eastern 179 

Pigs 415 

Pipsney 198 

Pipkins 164 

Pique 403,411 

Pithy  saws 268 

Plagiaries 458 

Planetary  nicks 277 

Platonic  lashing 320 

Plato's  year 3.18 

Pope 398 

Pope's  ball 163 

Populia  73 

Port  cannons  156 

Po,  spirit 357 

Postulate  illation  207 

Potenlia 41 

Potosi 322 

Poundage  of  rei)er.tance  ••  361 

Powdering  tubs 410 

Presbyterians  .•••  .55,  162,  lt)6 

Prester  John   186 

PreteiTces  to  learning  ridi- 
culed (Life)  25 

Pride,Sir 423,433 

Prior  (Life) 20 

Priscian 225 

Privilege,  frail 71 

Proboscis 265 

IProclus  fLife)  26 

I  Proletarian  70 

I  Promethean  powder 143 

Prophecies  381 

Protestation 73,222 

Ptolemies  434 

Public  faith 224 

Pug-robin 358 

Pulpit 35 

Punese 326 

Punk   34 

Purchas's  Pilgrim  (Life)  ••     25 

Purging  comfits 138 

Purposes 345 

Purtenance 138 

Pycmalion   139 

Pyrrhus,  King 186 

Pythagoras 279 

Pythias  418 

Clnacks  of  government  ...  385 

Ouail'd  135 

auarlile   292 

Queen  of  night 355 

Uuerpo  447 


INDEX. 


497 


PAGE. 

Question  and  command  . .  346 

nativity  of 65 

tiuillets 4ii5 

Ciuint  of  Generals  43-2 

Quirks 405 


Rabbins 

Ralpii 

Ranks   

Ranter 

Ratiocination 

Read  a  verse  

Recant 

Red-coat  seculars 

Reforniado 372, 

Reformation 

godly  thorough 

puppet  play  •  • . 

Reliiiion 

Render 

Replevin 

Ribbons  

Ride  astride 

Riding  dispensation  . .  315, 

Rimnion  

Rinaldo •••. 

Ring 

Robbers 

Rochets 

Rods  of  iron 

Romances 

Romulus 

Rooks 

Rosemary 

Rosycrucian   62, 

Rota-men 

Rovers 

Round  table 

Rovalists 

Rump  380,  434, 

Russell,  Sir  Winiam  (Life) 

Safety 

Saints 

beil  

Saint  Martin's  beads  .. 

Salique  lavi; 

Saltinbancho 

Sambenites 

Sand-bags 

Sarum  

Satire  Menipp6e 

(Life)  -..• 

Saturn 259,273, 

Sausage-maker 

Saxon  duke  

Scaliger 

Sceptic 

Scire  facias  

Sconce  

Bcribes 


229 
'55 
450 
171 
169 
313 
222 
382 
420 
104 

44 

64 
368 
31i 
478 
202 

98 
357 
4(B 
454 
382 
287 
393 
384 

80 
378 

38 
210 
441 
299 
343 

30 

375 

436 

9 

380 
363 
351 
479 

488 
295 
434 
371 

258 
109 

281 
429 
185 
290 
234 
346 
317 
164 


PAOK 

Pcrimansky 91 

Scriptures  express  on  every 

subject 74 

Scrivener  133 

Secchia  rapita  (Life) 21 

Second-hand  intention  ••.  275 

Secret  ones  384,399 

Secular  prince  of  darkness  299 

Sedgwick  272 

Selden  (Life) 12 

Self-denying  119,  128 

ordinance     119,  128 

Semiramis   205 

Sergeants 105 

Serpent  at  the  fall  44 

Set  332 

Shaftesbury,  earl  of 385 

Shilling 334 

Sickle    204 

Sidrophel  255 

,  epistle  to 304 

Sieve  and  shears 96,  274 

Signatures   323 

Silk-worms 337 

Sing  a  verse 313 

Siruame  of  saint 384 

Sir  Sun  88 

Skiminington 239 

Skull.  Indian 197 

Slash'd  sleeves 39 

Slates,  figured  264 

Slubberdegullion 155 

Smectymnnus 165 

Snuffenlightened 58 

Society  Royal  (Life) 25 

Socrates 170 

Sollers 422 

Somerset,  protector 81 

Sooterkin 374 

Soothsayers 291 

Sorc'rers  256 

Spaniard  whipped  54 

Spiritual  order 373 

Sporus 241 

Squirt-fire 419 

StRtfordshire  69.85 

Stains 188 

Stand-stable 1.38 

State-canielion  38C 

Statute 480 

Stave  and  tail  87 

Staved 131 

Steered  by  fate  76 

Stenlrophonic  voice 319 

Sterry,  Peter 377 

Stiles,  John  of 33 

Stone,  heavens  made  of  ..  28 

Stools 30 

Strafford,  earl  of 268 

Stum  198 

Stygian  ferry 377 


498  INDEX. 


Stygian  sophister 297 

Succussation 82 

Sudden  death 293 

siipsiiM aeo 

Sultan  populace 451 

Sunimer-sault  463 

Sun 289 

Surplices 382 

Swaddle  36 

Swanswick    371 

Swedes  240 

Swinging 219 

Swiss 436 

Syuii)ols,  signs,  and  tricks    277 

Sympathetic  powder 90 

Synods 381 

Systole 265 

Tail'd 131 

Tails 206 

Tales  464 

Taliacotius 43 

Talisman 59 

Talismanique  louse 325 

Tarsal  269 

Tartar  15^ 

TawM    211 

Telescope 269 

Ten-horn'd  cattle 417 

Termagants  98 

Third  estate  of  souls 384 

Thirty  tyrants 218 

Thomas  Aquinas  42 

Thumb 382 

Tillers 312 

Tiresias 62 

Toasts 210 

Tobacco-stopper 271 

Toledo 51 

Tollutation 82 

Toothache  263 

Tottipottomoy 234 

Trait 210 

Triers 164 

Trigons  291 

Trine  292 

Trismegistus  279 

Triumph 239 

Troth 188 

Truckle-bed 219 

True-blue  Presbyterian...     44 

Trulla 97 

Trustees 38 

covenanting 362 

Truth 41,280 

Tully 216 

Turks 91,98 

Tuscan  running-horse  ....  438 

Two-foot  trout 252 

Tycho  Brahe 40 

Tyrian  queen 56 


PAGE 

Unsanctified  trustees 371 

Utlegation 362 

Varlet 192 

Vermin 368 

Vespasian 248 

Vessel  313 

Vestal  nuns 339 

Villain 331 

Vinegar 265 

Virgo 273 

Vitilitigation 109 

Vizard  bead 346 


Waller,  Sir  William 

Walnut-shell 

Warbeck,  Perkin  

Warders   

Warwick,  earl  of 

Washing 

Water- witch  1%, 

Welkin   

Wesley,  Mr.  Samuel  (Life) 

Whachum 266, 

Whale 

Whetstone 

Whiffler  

Whinyard 

Whistles 

White  

sleeves 354, 

Whittington 

Whv  not 

Wight  

Wild,  Sergeant 

Will  

Windore 193, 

Winged  arrows 

Witches  230, 

Lapland 


Witherington 

Withers 

Wizards   

Woodstock 

Words  congealed  i.n  north- 
ern air  .  

debased  and  hard  • 

new 

Workings-out 

Wrest,  in  Bedfordshire 
(Life) 

Wrestlers,  Greek  and  Ro- 
man   

Years  of  blood  404 

Yell   146 

Yerst  157 

Zany    260 

Zenith 270 

Zodiac-constellation 5SH 

Zoroaster  279 


103 
264 
194 
286 

93 
136 
465 
179 

17 
273 
271 
ISO 
241 
144 
246 
216 
393 
395 
237 

35 
411 
383 
232 
455 
256 
231 
130 

66 
355 
258 

41 
40 
40 
391 

12 

93 


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